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Molder

2008-10-14T11:38:00.004+08:00

Every single person has their own distinctive character traits. In the army, there is an abundance to such examples that you can find. Trust me, you just cant imagine where to categorize some of these unique individuals. Im merely 4 weeks old in the army, and having running around from a Recruit, an OOT personnel to now a Scabbard Mess Boy, ive seen quite a few different bunch of working style and attitude towards their new employment, attachment or vocation. As for me now, im temporarily attached to the Scabbard Mess, which is like an annex place for the Officers in Ladang, Tekong. Im not sure whether im allowed to blog about this piece of information though. I just did, shit.

Anyways, enough of army. Lets talk about the interesting people ive met so far throughout my nomadic life in Tekong. Firstly, when i entered into the army, i have foreseen that my life would be cursed with a horrible buddy. To my surprise, i really am cursed! The first day i got in, i was alone, together with 2 other enlistees who came alone. A solitary loner, i withdrew myself from the crowd. They were busy breaking into small chatters. Thus, i sat aside from the rest. I was joined later by the other 2 enlistees which i mentioned earlier. From the mannerism and the subjects they converse about, i drew a conclusion in my mind that it'll be tough finding someone decent to commune with in the army. Despite the relentless prayers, i was further cursed with outrageous bunk mates. However, these misconception was short lived because i grew to appreciate the diversity of human profile.

My buddy and i will never talk unless the need to arrives. I remembered the first time he asked me for my name was just to remind me to wake him up the next morning. And the next was during the fire drill, which i had to remind him of the standard operation procedures, which he proceeded to run downstairs with his items, leaving me and a few of my bunk mates alone. We were still struggling with the necessary items. This left me with a very bad impression and moreover a sigh of disappointment with my days ahead in my training. With a buddy like that, you'll either have to suffer in silence or die in silence. I chose neither! I chose to disclose my relationship with others. Everybody has a finger, but none can point me to the light.

Day by day, i found new comfort in my bunk mates. Of which, only 3 other bunk mates seem to offer much of a listening ear and probably a few thoughts in common. Amongst the things we share, not of emotional and physical stuff, but of gossips, we had some disagreements and nevertheless some hidden opinions. Im constantly disgusted by my buddy's behavior. Amidst the smoking group, he found his own sort of buddy. He sleeps 2 beds across, and im stuck in the middle of the bonfire of curses and degrading jokes. This new found buddy of my buddy has nothing else in his mind other than sex. Cardinal and degrading as it may sound, he may seem like the typical kind in the army. Listening to his jokes and his self proclaimed sexual prowess turns my insides inside out and my outsides in. What to do, both of them are dropouts. I think probably the birds of the same feather flops best in the same nest.

When i became an OOT personnel after 10 days of intense physical training, i got to know the ugly side of people. Together, inclusive of me, there were 13 who were unfit for the training phase. Therefore, our new roles in the company is to just do whateva we are told to; mostly to help with the area cleaning and paper works issued by the Clerk or Company Quartermaster. Sounds easy? Wait till you get to work with this bunch of other 12 who has the same status as i have. I havent realised that working with myself can be that painful.

These people will find the chance slack wheneva possible. Slouching at the corner, they prance at their unwitting prey like a stalking predator. These chances have no opportunity to slip by unnoticed because their enemies are on their toes, alert and sharp. Lets say when we're told to do unimaginably stupid chores such as picking up leaves, some would hold just a bunch of leaves and pretend to walk around. Or some would initiate to get brooms when they would spend most of their time walking back and forth. There is a solution to this leave problem; cut the damn tree down. But then again, must well rid of mankind to stop all other problems.

As for me, i like to slack at the sofa; while listening to my Walkman or reading my book, i'll occasionally fall asleep. This is not sightly in the eyes of the beholder or jealousy and avarice. Its common to have idiots snatching for the sofa seat, while there are only 5 available, which has to cater to all of us, excluding the Sergeants and Leftanents. They have the main priority of course. There is this pig, or dog bred, which is ultimately distasteful to look at. He is hideously ugly, with uncountable craters in his face which lures ur enraging fist into punching it. His leg will shake like a wagging tail of a bitch wheneva he's talking to a Sergeant. He commands us, who suffer the same status as he, like the Officer in Commanding. He is a horrible piece of crap which i despise with all the disgust gathered. Hateful or not, you'll have to see him in person. Together with him, there are a few other fat pigs who read comics everyday and sleep like i do, only less elegant. One of which, resembles the fictional pig character from "Journey to the West". So alike in character and appearance, for a moment i was in awe when i first saw him. I thought that im trap in some fairytale or something. How is it possible that the pig deity is right before my eyes! Not surprising that he is as lazy and stupid as its fictional counterpart. This is his interpersonal trait; he'll look for the easiest task of all, or command others to do the other tedious job which may range from sweeping the floor or wiping the windows. In order to avoid filling ice in the icebox, he told me that he'll go to his bunk to get changed. That took quite some time, because i purposely waited for him. In the end, when i went ahead to get the ice, i found him wearing the same attire. I guessed that he probably went up to his bunk and got trapped into some bed demon's lethargic spell.

Lastly, this other monstrous looking person is now in the Scabbard Mess with me. His arms are slightly crooked. If he were to cast a shadow against the light, his arm would look like some old willow branch, only way as thick as an oak. This person, alike the rest, would prey upon chances to slack. Today, while cleaning the toilet, he took so many breaks. He'll walk out, pretending to message, check out the weather, adjust his music player, walk around probably to check for other more hideous looking monsters like him. He wanna be the most hideous in the world. He told the magic mirror that, i swear! I overheard him in the bunk, talking to the mirror in the wardrobe. So, he'll volunteer to clean the pingpong balls while i sweep the entire area outside. How considerate? No sense of judgement and no sense of guilt mostly. I told him to wipe the glass windows again and i let him clean the stair railings all by himself after which.

During my stay at RockyHill, which is an isolated camp a few kilometres away from Ladang. My bunk IC, some sort of leader, is always on the ball. He doesnt keep the ball rolling, or there wasnt any rolling to begin with. He is just on the ball, and always taking the lead while nobody is actually following. Some followers were deemed cult culprits over time and were eventually beheaded in some mental ritual. Together in the Scabbard Mess, there is this other guy who is similar to my bunk IC. Enthusiastic or puppy shit, i dunno which. I would not dare to deny that there are people that patriotic to the extent that they wanna serve the country like a puppy unknowingly licking shit off his owner's dirty boots. Not just once, but every single second. The taste of it, they'll savour it like edible gold. Today morning, i saw him marching to the Scabbard Mess. I was like just walking behind him, because i dun wish to march with him. Yes, march to ur death. Sorry i just cant accept the fact that such people do exist! I know im contradicting when i said that i cant deny there are people like that. But get it right, i cant deny but i cant accept either! Its just such a turn off. Worse, he has a permanent smile. Thats freaky. He is a music student of my friend, thats more unacceptable. Enough of such talk, im feeling a pinch of guilt already. Look, at least i have some conscience!

Right...

So im blogging now in the Scabbard Mess, while the other Officers are playing Dota. And so i met some people i do know in the army. These people have no respect for who you are, because in the army, ur talent or skill does no use for ur ranking. In here, its the ranking that you earn with ur sweat and blood. Thus, a macho pea-brain can earn respect here. A weak little IQ genius can instantly transform into the lowest of shit. I take things quite personally at times, and if it involves any dealings in the music circle, i'll dig my hands into his chest and pull out his heart. I swear! I mean, if anybody were to step into my way on purpose. And if that person plays Chinese music...

I dunno. Its not like i can do much. I can only do as much as i did to...

Nobody.

There are really nice people around though. While shredding paper in the administration office yesterday, i met this other Sergeant who was unlucky enough to be sent over to Tekong to do shit job. We talked, joked and laughed. When the flag lowering ceremony was commencing, we ran back to the office to avoid standing out there to stare at the, not stupid, flag. Shredding paper left a good impression. Later that night, i ran into him again. Despite his rank as a Sergeant, he treated me like a friend. And thats the kind of nice people you find in Tekong. Other than him, there is also my Platoon Sergeant. He may seem moody and times, but he's really nice. If i were to use the word cute on a girl, i think it may also be used on him. We love his lectures. He talks. Like really, talks. My Platoon Commander may have pushed me during my physical training, he also encouraged me to the Scabbard Mess. Now that im here, i would prefer working here than being an OOT personnel back in RockyHill. Imagine spending my days there staring at the hideous gargoyles. He visited us at the Scabbard Mess just yesterday. He told me that ive to try the chicken cutlet in the cafe. Can somebody be any nicer? This other 2 Sergeants were really nice too, back in RockyHill.

Yes! How can i forget my favourite Sergeant Major. He helped me with the checking of my vocation posting! I requested that he did, because ive waited for at least 2 weeks already. He headed to the headquarters and got them to push our Clerk to send my file over by the end of the day. Only my file was requested, out of all the other 12 OOT personnel. It is frustrating to get pass every single day with hatred and disgust. Therefore, i made the first move. Checkmate. Sergeant Major is a very cute adult. He has a bubbly character unlike the other serious acting Sergeants. He loves making jokes. People may find him useless, probably those patriotic rats who follows blinding the piper, but i think that he has earned his place and he deserves some respect. Some Officers think that they are so great! Like i said, macho pea-brains. And yes, with a tiny pecker.

Staying in the headquarters bunk is scary. Theres no lights out timing, nor a fixed time for reveille. I just have to wake up and open the Scabbard Mess before 8 in the morning and close it an hour before midnight. Today, i slept like a pig in the Scabbard Mess. It felt good. Eating and sleeping would definitely help me in my physical training. What am i talking about? Theres no more physical training! Im a free man. OOT means out of training.

Right... it'll get on back very soon. Now, the days ahead are oblique.

I must shape my future. Im its molder.

Last Few Hours

2008-09-15T00:45:00.002+08:00

And yet u wonder when is all these going to end. Sitting there, with all of ur fellow schoolmates around u like marching soldiers, busy in their thoughts and focusing on their work, u look around with hazy eyes, feeling the heat of the auditorium brushing against ur face. Eventually, the chief examiner takes up the mike and speaks into with vigilance. Everybody seemed to sit up straight, tight against the chair they've been rooted on for an hour. The cohort will be dismissed as soon as the papers are collected. There, another day of PSLE.

With a blink of an eye, the Os flew pass just as quickly as it came. Ten years of education, can u believe it? Eleven for some, or even twelve. For me, ive never thought that my life would end up this way. Ive never felt so much like a sponge, absorbing the essence of everyday's giving and learning and experiencing something new with every awakening. Time ran ahead of me like a hunted prey. Giving chase aint what im concerned with anymore. Now, i just wish to enjoy the process of the pursue. Live life to the fullest as they say.

Im heading into the army in a few hours time. And the whole world seem to cloud with questions and doubts all of a sudden. This shroud has no origin and it seems to grow from the corner of my mind. I've tried finding its source, but with no avail. I'll just let things hook my by the nose. Whatever comes, i'll deal with it like how i would. Whatever goes, i'll manage myself like i always will.

Army will the beginning of a new life, also the end of the old ways of life. Sadly, i believe that i would come out a changed person. In what ways, i do wish to imagine, neither would i wish to generally compare myself with others who had successfully completed their duty to serve the nation. Ive seen aplenty, and found none to be much of myself. Will people love me like my friends do? Will they treat me equally like my friends do? So many questions with replies yet to come. I feel strained with these uncertainty. But nonetheless, the answers to my questions will knock on my doors soon. I believe within this two weeks, half the face will be revealed through the falling veil.

Goodbye to the days when we used to sit together in the cafes, chatting from the birth to the revelations. We have to move on, and within these three years, amongst all the friends we had, half would be diverted into their new path, and a third of the other half will be going through the same phase as i am. Another third will still be in the pursual of their studies, another walking bleakly into another route of life, probably married though mostly still searching half-heartedly. We will meet new friends. And this ever growing list has its limits. With another new name results in another forgotten face. Slowly, our clique will mould along with the effect of time. Awkwardness and tiredness will bore this relationship we once had. The scar of time will take time to heal. However, never force urself to be shackled by responsibilities which are imaginery. If the grass is indeed greener on the other side, just cross the fence. Do remember though to jump back into the old herd for a few munches when ur free.

Im excited for this new adventure. People has gone through it and proven it possible. The smile at the end of the day will wash away the injured pride and dignity, blood and sweat. New found courage, a new found life-style in exchange will be worth the purpose of its operation. Im positive that i'll turn out fine. Within two weeks, do head back to find me here again, blogging about my foresight of army life.

Life is changing. Its not in the water, nor in the air. Destiny is in the clutches of ur own hands.

So serious.

I Am Still Who I Am

2008-08-25T15:33:00.002+08:00

Beyond the setting sun lies another place in another time. This piece of land which i speak has marshmallow floating in its boundless sky and the reflection of caramel off the rising sun of gold. As my sun sets, a morning rises from somewhere else. As i see the coming of dark, my friends will see the nearing of dawn.

Im alone.

Is there yet another unfortunate to share my bitterness?

Please erase the emo opening that i just made from ur mind. It might still stay fresh, but refrain from blending that with my entry today... because that was my previous uncomplete post. Instead of labeling it junk, why not just randomly insert it an introduction. Shocking as it may sound, or hair-raising, but actually im feeling rather simple currently. So here goes...

Its been some time since i last took the effort to even consider blogging. In fact, i did settle down with some thoughts and actually laid my fingers on the keyboard to type a few paragraphs. They were structured and organised. Unable to focus in length, i threw the short-termed determination away and went gaming instead. My bad, my bad.

And so, i was worried and pestered by shrouding pessimism. These mystic creatures clawed and dug their nails deep into my wound. As the days wore on, i feel a reluctance gripping over my heart. I was disheartened and humiliated by self-reproach. It is inevitable that this paranoia would eventually weather my confidence into something least stable. Feeling brittle and vulnerable to judgement and negative comments. However, being the adept filter that i am, i was able to sieve the sand apart from the water. Adapting this technique has strengthened my survival skills in this competitive world. Delusional as i might at times call it, but deluding myself aint self-mocking. Its actually encouragement unlike learning in through a hard lesson. Cushioned landing. Yes, cushioned landing.

Then, i realised that theres actually nobody to judge u except for urself. Im the blockade i have to pass. Im the hurdle i have to jump. Im the fear i have to banish. Im everything i sort peace for, and only through me can i find comfort. Therefore, within the last few weeks before concert, i seeked for inner peace and serenity. Calmness claimed me just as quickly as it returned me into the void.

I was down with high fever. Its merely three days away from my concerto debut and im down with misfortune. Unwittingly, i went outdoors, under the sun, by myself, to run an important errand. I headed all the way to AlbertCourtHotel to rent for an academic gown. It was crowded with all the late birds. I had to wait for a long time for my catch, and when i did, they told me ive to pay by either cheque or cash for the worms. So, i walked all the way over to SimLim. That took the toll. I felt my head spinning and the floor below constantly seemed to vibrate vigorously. I was about to faint, and ive never felt any sensation such as this before. It was the first time that blacking out seems feasible at last. I was curious and hoped that i would so my misery would end temporarily. However, after a few minutes rest, i found myself aheading for the ATM machine. I had to travel back and forth. Upon recieving my gown, i took a bus home.

Ive never felt much worse than the food poisoning incident back then in 1997. The illness took me by the hand and tugged me forcefully. I feel the world fading against the dull backdrop of traffic and passing faces. Then, i fell.

I laid in bed for the entire night. I was deprived of all activities other than sleep. Recuperation never felt that distant. It came slow in the middle of the night. Mom was out of town and thus i was under the care of my three tenants. They are nice people who will be willing to lend a helping hand when one is needed. Kind and considerate, they hang around much with my Mom, keeping her company and they certainly do enjoying staying at our house. So, with the absence of Mom, they took me under their wings. They made me remedies, bought me medicine and cooked for me. With their attention, signs of recovery appeared overnight. I was beginning to heal and i thought there might be hope for my concerto debut.

Who knows?

Just as i was on the long journey of slow recovery, my uncle decided to concoct a remedy for my sore throat. Ive no idea what he used but it sure tasted sweet and somehow like those made-belief drinks that they sell outside for quenching thirst, cooling off body heat and curing fever. It is unforseen that by drinking that potion weltered i would fall into a worsen state of fever and sore throat. The sweet drink caused further damage to my throat. And i ate some pills that were kindly provided by ChaiXia. After taking the pills, my hands and feet grew tiny blisters. These blisters werent painful till i burst three of them. It made my hand numb, and i could feel a torrent of electricity flowing through my palms when i get a grip on an object. I couldnt walk without limping, due to the pain from the cute little blisters.

This misery ended right after my concerto debut.

I didnt play as best as my rehearsal, but im certainly shocked to finally have found peace on stage. Mike, music director and conductor, told me that constant rehearsals with the orchestra will surely improve my confidence for an accompanied performance. Performing two concertos in one night, under such bad conditions, aint easy for me. Moreover, its harder for me to swallow that fact that i might have disappointed in quite a number of audience who attended to watch me. Some were there to discourage, some were there to support and most were there to enjoy.

After the performance, i went to the stagedoor. At that moment, i heard cheers burning through my ears and i knew that those are my friends, people who wouldnt mind how i play but support me as long as im on stage. I must thank those who attended the concert; SiHan, YongRui, Audrey, Martin, Angela, Jwen, Evan, Jobyna, Amy, Jacky, Winnie, Mervin and their boyfriends, girlfriends, wives, husbands and pets. Thank u so much for attending my debut! There were those who couldnt make it, and i understand; Christoven, Mark and those who were sincere to at least send me their regards. Im grateful for any effort in cheering me up. Now that these are all memories, some part will still leave a scar in my mind. There are many things to be happy about but still a few that i wouldnt wanna remember.

Had a great night with my friends. After the performance, we went to catch The Beatles performance, and dragged some other friends along for a night to be remembered. We hung out till 3 in the morning, and took the Nightrider home.

I was so shagged.

Now that the performance is finally over, i have greater things ahead of me. Sometimes, like they always say, a problem will reveal itself like a blossom just as another has withered away. Alright, nobody said that, i did. National enslavement. That is my greatest worry now. I just had a performance with MDC a few days ago. It was happening for me, a world of laughing matters, but might be just an ordinary day, a bothersome wont, to them. The performance was alright, dinner was great and the ride home was the best. I got to see many of the musicians and music lovers that night during the function. It was a dinner for the convention that took place a few days ago. Well, nothing much... there was fish, chicken, vegetable. Yes, i drank Coke.

I brought Mom to the cinema to watch MoneyNotEnough2. I watched it myself a few days ago and i managed to lie and convince here to go watch with me today. She talked to me quite loudly in the cinema, good thing those around us were aunties. I dunno why, but when i watched it myself, because nobody is free to watch it with me and my days are numbered so i thought i should spend my time wisely, the cinema was more alive and everybody was laughing. Today, when i was watching and recalling the scenes, i was anticipating for laughter but it seemed that they didnt catch the joke or they dun find it funny at all. Its wierd that even i find it funny! Those aunties are pathetic! Anyway, there was this auntie beside Mom were kept talking to herself. The movie is very touching and Mom kept crying. I peeped over, because i knew that she would cry! And bingo! She did. I cried when i watched it in the cinema. Well, i dun usually cry... but when i watch movie myself, i'll usually cry. In the cinema, i'll control my tears even when im alone. Next time, put a hidden cam infront of the TV and secretly tape me watching Korean drama. U'll be shocked!

Well, im home now. Composing for fun and blogging for quenching my ennui. Im heading for the games now... and ive no time for fanciful entries. Believe it or not, this blog entry is compiled over a few weeks. U can tell from the different style due to different mood on different days. But one this aint different. Im still me!

My Mentors

2008-06-23T02:19:00.003+08:00

Once awhile i'll flip through my dairy only to refresh myself of my present state. It brings back memories of the past and how things squirmed its way to the present. Tears of joy and tears of pain, both equally balanced throughout my life. There were times that i felt utterly hopeless and helpless yet there were times that i couldnt be more grateful. Life is a wonderful thing, i hope everybody cherish it in the end, because its the process that makes it beautiful.

Reading my past entries, theres only one thing i can conclude. I was very childish. This shows that i've grown in terms of my thinking and my perspective towards everything else. Im glad that theres such a day when i'll scan across the surface and come to a point of realisation. Ive grown! Ive matured! Im no longer how i was and how i thought i was. In a few years time, i'll see this entry and most probably laugh my ass off. But, its life! Thats how it should be!

Theres one thing i can confirm which i've never changed. I love my orchestra, CSCO. And there is another thing which i can confirm. I have never really liked my school, ACS.

These few month had been tough for many of my friends who were closely related to the deceased, David and RuiXiang, who were both unfortunately involved in car accidents. Theres nothing i can say to lighten up the mood, neither do i wish to unconsciously hurt anybody else. I am as shocked as any others and affected. But through the darkness and the storm, the rainbow eventually comes. Only through these stages in life can we all grow stronger. Realisation only comes when unexpected remorse knocks at our door. They've planted a beacon of light, and now we must nurture it and watch it grow. Its just the first step, because it'll be what they'll want us to be. No sorrow, no sadness and no more tears. We'll go on, doing things in a changed way, for the sake of our friends and ourselves. Cherish everything else around u more than usual, because u'll never know when one day they'll take the nearest exit out.

Its been a long time since i had such an orchestra practice at CSCO. When i was there today, i smiled because it brings back nostalgic feelings. That is exactly what they would have hoped for. Lets work harder and make this concert a successful one as usual! Just like any post CSCO concert, we'll rejoice and celebrate for our effort with a fantastic retreat camp. I'll be looking forward to that, hopefully before i enter into the army.

I also have to thank Mike, Zheng LaoShi, who has nutured me and along with other musicians. Sometimes i would wonder if he dislikes what im doing outside. I have quite a few performances outside and personal engagements. Back then, i'll let him know what im doing. Recently, i feel that i should just update him with important ones, small performances dun really matter. When i approach him, he'll give me advice and guidance to my problem. He knows best when it comes to dealing with political affairs, because he is experienced with relating with others while im still a greenhorn. No matter what, i hope he knows that i'll never do anything that will go against my committment though at times i have to bear through all the horrible comments which pokes hard into my flesh. Its alright, as long as i know what im doing and i know that im free of guilt, im fine. But, do they know that im innocent? That im not sure, and i can only live by faith that im free of guilt and ive done no wrong to deserve any prejudice. This happened before with YuJia, Yu LaoShi, and i really dun wish for anything like that to happen again. I was stupid and too kind to let things backfire against myself. YanYu, Yan LaoShi, told me to just let things go naturally and i shouldnt confront YuJia because it'll make things worse. Well, in any ways, its a small thing, but its serious to me because we're all under the Pipa family and if things are uneasy between all of us, then how are we going to survive together? Anyway, Jessica, LuJie, told me that things like that do happen. She's right. Other than Mike, ive never seen any other teacher who cares for his or her students so much. Maybe ive never seen the world, but for all ive seen, thats what i think. YanYu cares for me too, and Mike cares for me in a different way. Today, he asked about my army enlistment and that came to me in a shock. It was rather random, and it came to my mind that hes actually gave time to think about me! Sometimes, miracles do drop by once in awhile. He's willing to help. I better not say anymore... just in case. I guess its important to have teachers like that in ur life, it motivates u. I wanna thank Jessica, Mike and YanYu for inspiring me! To a certain extent, YuJia too. Love them all!

Now i may sound as patriotic as the people of the republic of China. Thats how i feel, if that aint quite truthful enough for u to accept, thats probably u have ur personal opinion which clashes with mine. In any ways, everybody has their own rights to feel and think how they want. Im not preaching or hoping that everybody will feel like i do, but i hope people would reflect abit on how ur teachers have influenced u throughout the years. Everybody's life is different and i dunno much about anybody else except for myself. So, thats all i have to say for myself.

In many years time, i'll look back again to this very day and probably laugh out loud. My perspective of things may change throughout the years, but im sure of my feelings for CSCO and ACS. Somethings here will remain the same and never change too while i might think twice on others. I think i know already what it is.

Continue to enjoy good things which life can offer! Dun live to regret. Live to rejoice!

Wont U Miss Those Days?

2008-05-20T10:51:00.003+08:00

We've walked down the yellow brick road and along the way we've found company. These friends will stay with u till the end of days. But we're crossing the borders of this county which was once so familiar. And we question if we can survive out of these walls. This ghetto has served us as home and shelter for years. It might feel uncomfortable at first if we were to step out of its gates. And moreover, remember those times when we used to sit by the stone walls, staring out into the starry horizon and boundless grassland wondering what life would be outside the confinements of he ghetto. Even though, time will never erase this feeling we habor now.

My days in NAFA are over, hopefully. And ive made friends as much as turning my back against somebody in school. I wish to have to hard feelings with any of my schoolmates. Friends may come and go in ur life, but enemies only accumulate. Or even better if u have no enemies in the world, but all ur friends hate u. I can imagine ourselves sitting down for some coffee cock talking in a few years time. After graduation, everybody will miss everybody. We'll gather and see each other again, we will have a hard time recognising one another, and laughing our asses off by recollecting all the wonderful memories of school days. Even now as we speak, some reunion gatherings are happening in some corner of the world. I believe that we'll see each other again no matter how. If u were to feel nothing about stepping out into the open, then its time to wonder if its either ur missing something, or nothing is happening at all.

Some may move on with education, others shackled by obligations. During this course in life, we'll meet new friends and some will eventually be forgotten out of the friend list. This happens. And when it does, meeting them on the streets again will be such a dramatic event.

Finally we're free of all portfolios and presentations. We need not have to worry about submitting assignments and getting our work marked in order to compile them into the portfolio at the end of the academic semester. And we need not struggle out of bed to rush down to school for practices and rehearsals. And now we need not play music anymore!

School life is just a junction in the big picture. Its just the start of life actually! Everybody says that its the beginning of things. Like youth, it'll be an ideal state if it came a little later in life. Only when we start working will we ever miss what it is like studying. What about attending DrKan's lectures? Im sure thats already like facing a confrontation with ur boss daily about pay raise and poor attendance issues.

Here is a gigantic gargantuan colossal list of things that u will miss about. Wont u?

Wont u miss those days when we all sit together in class getting our brains wrecked by MrLim? Wont u miss those days when we all borrow aural books so that we can copy or go around composing ur our own aural practices? Wont u miss those days when the security guard, AhCheng, has to come knocking on ur studio door and speaking to u in that rude nasal voice? Wont u miss those days when u step out of the lift only to see the cleaner staring at u with that wierd "Did u kill my cat?" stare? Wont u miss those days when u get to chase somebody out of the practice studio because for once u took the initiative to book ur name under a pathetic slot on the big piece of paper? Wont u miss those days when u have to sneak into class when ur late only to notice that the whole class is turning their head to meet ur guilty look? Wont u miss those days when u take a slow stroll down to Cheers during History or MOA lectures? Wont u miss those days when all go out to the museum together in a funny SBS bus? Wont u miss those days when everybody is in the computer lab attempting to print their last minute submissions? Wont u miss those days when u sit around at the prata stall eating nothing but listening to gossips more juicy and oily than prata? Wont u miss those days when people say "Bo Jio!" for the sake of it when they dun even wish to go whereva u went? Wont u miss those days when u roll about in the computer lab doing nothing and disturbing others? Wont u miss those days when u're trying to do work but Audrey is singing and strumming her guitar away to the tabs on the net? Wont u miss those days when u're trying to watch YouTube while others around u are shouting and playing a competitive match of DOTA? Wont u miss those days when everybody just criticise their own playing and telling u about the horrible detail about their PS lesson? Wont u miss those days when u have a few hours to spend and u go around collecting people to go drink soya with u? Wont u miss those days when u can go down to Cathay to flash ur student card for a $6 ticket? Wont u miss those days when u have to drag ur feet to the NAFA library to find some CDs that DrTan has especially reserved for u? Wont u miss those days when we sit in class forgetting immediately what MrYap said about this specific chord resolution and remembering only the ultimately lame jokes that he used to describe it and in the end we can only apply the jokes to our exams? Wont u miss those days when Yohanna was still in school? Wont u miss those days when TerenceWong, who has retired i think, come to our class to call our some students name when he look so fierce but is actually so damn kind? Wont u miss those days when u have the chance to cheer and clap super loudly for Charles who is performing ToruTakemitsu's "Raintree Sketch" during music platform on Wednesnday? Wont u miss those days when we all plan to go for some chalet or something but in the end nobody does it and everybody just forgets about it and never mention about it again? Wont u miss those days when its planned to go out together but in the end some will have sudden chorse or errands to run? Wont u miss those days when we go the zoo only to regret and promise ourselves never to go again but only to find ourselves there again a year later? Wont u miss those days when XueMin faints in the public into the arms of willing hot men such as SiHan himself? Wont u miss those days when we wish to turn off those noisy keyboards in the com lab? Wont u miss those days when we see Jose's dramatic expressions as his face, eyes and mouth moves like a million times? Wont u miss those days when u only hear Willianna singing in sightsinging classes? Wont u miss those days when u have to suffer Charle's successfully cold jokes and hear ZhengYi's comment about it immediately during all lectures? Wont u miss those days when choir has to slap their own faces and only their own faces or has to pinch their cheeks with their noses? Wont u miss those days when DrTan will tell u that a piece is long short short? Wont u miss those days when DrTan will tell u that those are called Pastorale? Wont u miss those days when DrTan will tell u that a certain recording is beautiful and we should go listen when it is coming out in the listening exam? Wont u miss those days when lecturers fail to persuade the students to do their work such as telling us that the recording is beautiful? Wont u miss those days when DrTan will tilt her head while talking to u or DrKan blinking and nodding her head incessantly while listening to ur horrible lie? Wont u miss those days when we all smell like shit after lunch at FortuneCentre or SunShinePlaza? Wont u miss those days when we go around checking hows everybody's progression with that stupid long essay? Wont u miss those days when u have a super hard time flagging for cabs at BencoolenStreet? Wont u miss those days when u have to walk to Bugis and while doing so is constantly thinking about stupid stuffs related to school? Wont u miss those days when we sit at the cafe staring at each other? Wont u miss those days when u have to walk pass somebody and literally smell her hair? Wont u miss those days when we sit together to complain about that smell? Wont u miss those days when u just cant remember who that is but yet nobody is willing to tell it to u directly? Wont u miss those days when we drink soya for the sake of killing time? Wont u miss those days when a bunch of guys will travel down to PeaceCentre to play DOTA and somebody ends up giving a black face because he lost? Wont u miss those days when we gather together to share a big plate of chicken rice? Wont u miss those days when there was still the pasta stall at SunShinePlaza where we can add noodle for free and free lodging off their cheese and tobasco sauce? Wont u miss those days when we sit at McDonalds after rehearsal to bitch and share huge fries? Wont u miss those days when u have a stomachache and was glad that NAFA toilet is so clean all the time and not forgetting the air-con too? Wont u miss those days when u walk around the corridors peeping from window to window to spy who is there that u know even though u dun even know what to do or say when u actually find one? Wont u miss those days when u have to persuade somebody like hell to go eat or drink and eventually they'll somehow usually come along? Wont u miss those days when u feel like going out but all ur friends are either practicing or rehearsing thinking that they'll definitely improve? Wont u miss those days when everybody is crowding to take pictures with the lecturers during our graduation day at SingaporeConferenceHall which is about to come?

Yes i do.

Free Man

2008-05-18T16:03:00.003+08:00

In your eyes, i am over-sensitive, biased and petty. In my eyes, u are a good friend.

Ive changed in every way that u would have wished when we're close. I do not ask u what you're doing and what you're planning to do. I do not disturb u when u are practicing. I do not expect my messages replied instantly and moreover, i do not even call or message you that often anymore. I do not force you to have lunch with me. I do not give comments anyhow infront of you. I do not criticise or make fun of your 'weakness', which ever you think that i often do. And from that day on, i do not want to have any relation revolving around money with you. And what does all this lead to? It leads to our situation now. This predicament is all the result of your requests and demands. As for me, we might be closer than before if i were to stay as i am. But then again, its not you've wished for. Well, i hope you're alright with it as it is with me. Im glad that we managed to solve our previous problem before landing into such a state today. Why? Because i would prefer to start all these anew. Like now, fresh.

We have one more date to complete. That day would be the 28th of August, if my memory serves me well. I hope you'll keep your end of the bargain. Anyway it doesnt cost you much to just clear one day out of your extremely busy schedule. You have almost 3 months to do whateva you wish without having me in a part of anything.

As for me, holiday is the equivalent to ennui and boredom. I have to plan what to do for a few months. Though i do have 2 concertos bugging me, nagging at the back of my mind, i have to focus also on my vague future. I have some plans, though they arent properly laid out like others, which cause me to worry for they are subjective to large changes. Time cant solve everything, because procrastination will stroll along everytime.

Finally, ive graduated from NAFA. Wait, still kinda early to announce it so because i might have failed my other modules. Im very worried for my History and Counterpoint. I cant remember from whom, but somebody did mention that the results for History are rather negative. As for Counterpoint, im rather sure that with a zero for my Invention im going to score a very low pass or either a high fail. Imagine, a high fail? Still a fail.

Now, im already missing school. My friends tell me that i'll miss school next time when i step out into the society. True enough, its already working its way into my heart. It aches for firstly our dear lecturers, who have been so kind to us for the 3 beautiful years in NAFA. Secondly, for my friends who will be missed surely. However, time left its scars and wounds. Some are fresh and leaves quite an impact in my life. This wounds however hurt most at parts which cannot be seen. This scar will follow me throughout my life. Mistakes or bad relations, i cant be sure. But either way, all the good memories will assuage the negative ones. This memory will do me no good if i were to keep dwelling in the past. Stop digging for useless thoughts. For those who has done me wrong, ive already forgiven them the day after. However, it is up to them to make the first approach if they've opened up themselves for a new friendship. Things can start again. Not as good as before definitely, but on the other hand at least its still there. Ive forgiven and, fortunately or unfortunately, ive forgotten too.

Life is great and filled with promises. I have to look further for the grass is indeed greener on the other side. Its time to jump over the fences and out of my comfort zone. Its time to serve the nation and over the hills lie a stretch of meadow with grass undulating in the gentle breeze.

Where Should I Start?

2008-05-08T22:55:00.000+08:00

I have so much to say. I feel like blogging... but for the first time, i dunno where to start.

Live To Remember Such A Time

2008-04-06T00:38:00.002+08:00

Have u done anything to make yourself wonder if u could turn back time to undo them? I thought that as long as somebody is happy because of what i do, it does not matter if it hurts me or not. I havent known what sacrifice is all about, neither have i heard how it can harm somebody. If im treated the way i deserve because of a little sacrifice on my part, i'll be most satisfied despite the disadvantage. However, i have never thought it this way till when it hurts too much.

The pain came sharp and its impossible to ignore it any longer. If u do feel any pain, or u have just grown immune and indifferent to it, u have successfully hidden any clue. It seems that in first impression, there is no hint of any disagreement or dispute between us. If one were to see plainly, the surface is clean and flawless, there are no signs of struggle.

I guess that i am too sensitive and i put a large amount of emotion into what i do. Thus, i might tend to get too emotionally stressed when something does not turn out right. And to draw myself emotionally away from an object, i need to have a distraction to preoccupy myself with. In order for this to take place, i'll usually find something else to do. Although i might be busy at times, my mind will subconsciously draw me back to the root of my problem. This causes a serious amount of misery as i get too focused on mental struggles with the obstacles. I hate to leave a problem unsolved by a corner, it usually gets stacked up to a heap of garbage. This festering nonsense will infect me with toxic and wild thoughts. These train of thoughts will direct me to my well of tears. And when that happens, i'll just stop and stare.

So much for the trust. Sometimes, people can just open their mouth to spill out empty promises and lies. And these sweet smelling bubbles will bring u on ur toes and carry u by ur nose. Its too sweet to deny for any sweet toothes. But in the end, u dun get to the end of the bargain and realise that all these sweet talking ends up only in one manner; all lies and deciet. They swear to u that they believe and trust u, but do nothing to show that they mean what they say. Or even better, they swear and hope for u to trust them, but yet do nothing to gain ur trust. Faith? Blindly by faith, i see. Thats right, isnt that what they always say? They say that faith is the strongest virtue. However, whateva it turns out in the end, faith has its reason for u to blindly continue believing in false hope and empty promises to come.

They tell u that u're they're best friend and that u'll be on their priority list. And the next thing u know, they're finding somebody else to share their new found treasure chest. And as for u, u sit waiting under the coconut tree for a treasure map to float onshore. Isnt it sad? No, its not entirely sad if one were to be a nincompoop or born blonde. Why? Because if one were to be stupid enough to have that little faith, he'll continue believing that he'll get a part of that treasure if his friend were to find any. And thus, its worth the wait for the treasure. Moreover, if it were to be true that he'll find a treasure by himself, he'll find his so called best friend to share it with him, who will eventually share it with somebody else. Sad eyes, do pity the poor fellow sitting under the coconut tree. But do not shed a tear, for he has no faith in his best friend. No longer.

So much for the paranoia. Look who is feeling paranoid? I am inferior in ur eyes, and u look at me like a strange creature, no longer a friend. And u told me that u trust me and u believe in how i feel. However, u act so differently all the time. And i blindly believe u. U said that u'll speak up for me, and i have failed to hear any news about them. So much for ur trust and faith. So much as so little it may seem, but actually too much in ur eyes.

From yesterday onwards, i have realised that sometimes a spoilt toy should be thrown away and recycled somewhere else. What can that toy gain if it were to stay by my side? Why not just let it go? Sometimes its time to cut the chord, let things drop and let things go. Its selfish on my side to keep it by my side though things has grown sour and depressing. Therefore, the decision on my part is final.

I'll give chance a final try, and by tonight it shall all be decided. I wouldnt wanna make things sound so drama, but thats the way life should be at times. I cannot sit under the tree to wait any longer. Do u know where ur heart is? Do u think u can find it? If u still cant, leave it be. I have not much time in the world to wait for u to finish all ur work before u can decide to even bother about looking for me. Im leaving the coconut tree, im on my hunt for something else in life now. Wear all jewel u can find in that chest of urs, and don up in silver and gold. Doll up ur friend too, never forget to share them with ur new found friends. As for me, im discarded and used, no need to even consider. If u ever remembered me somehow by chance, do look me up and i'll feel slightly elated. It'll bring a smile on my face, but too late for happiness.

After clearing the mist before my eyes, i see the world in a brighter perspective. My sight was shrouded by shadows of doubt and whispers of prejudice. Many times i have caught a glimpse of what is beyond where i stand. However, this litte faith that i have abandoned has shackled me and rooted my feet on the ground. This ground, once arable, has now been irrigated with polluted waters. Its time to let it fallow, let it be useful once more for somebody else who might travel this way. I hope dearly that somebody will not fall into the snare of its holder.

The land belongs to a creature of magic. A creature of unimaginable beauty with promises and lies. One who tells stories of half-truths and twisted tales. This hidden truth has to come to awareness through suffering and excrutiating pain. This sharpness will open ur eyes and awake u from ur deep slumber. And from these lessons, the creature of magic will learn nothing more than what it should. But for the nomadic victim, he'll learn to move on.

Well, all i have wanted to say stops here tonight. And what i have wanted to say more desperately has been sent privately to u last night. They are wild and painful; revelation of unwanted and shocking truths. I hope that u can deal with it in time and look beyond that to see the reasons which draw me to do the unthinkable. I have confessed enough of my sins, its time to forgive me. I'll always remember these few months of joy and laughter. Also, what is embedded permantly, the aches and tears. This is on of the most enjoyable and hurtful moments of life, even though it differs so much from my previous other few. I'll definitely remember u as a person who has failed in many ways as to my expectation. A number has passed and lived longer than u have, but they have other purposes in my life. As for u, its too much to even expect u to fit to my heavy demands. U are a failure.

However, one the best few amongst the category.

Indigestible Chunk

2008-03-27T00:33:00.004+08:00

For somebody like u, it never happens that what ur friends are going through. U think its possible and easy to let go of things or just live on with the junks u leave behind. However, when u leave these bags of rubbish, others have to suffer to clear them for u. Irresponsible, yet ironic how preaching is ur hobby. How righteous and rightful in ur judgements indeed. Preoccupied with nothing but ur own schedule, stubbornly refusing to succumb urself to changes or sacrifices for others. Busy with ur own nonsense and sometimes nothing. I curse that one day u'll realise that u have nobody else other than urself. That day has yet to come. But when it does, i will not be there and i will not give a damn. I would prefer it if u were to leave me alone now. It is healthier if u were to leave me completely out of ur circle of friends as to compared to ur self centered approach to friendship. What am i? U come and leave as u wish, without a single speck of concern for my feelings? Im not ranting like im being used. Thats just too far do describe our mere relationship as schoolmates. Wait a minute, from best friend to good friend, and from there to schoolmate. I think we can reduce ourselves to just fellow citizens of Singapore? Or casual strangers? It seems that u treat me as one anyway. I have made my point of chiding and rebuking u to knock these senses into ur head. U have acknowledged them but showed little interest in acting upon them, strongly believing that its genetic and irrevocable. Changeless? I think ur just doomed with ur character, and trust me, even now u'll agree. I dun need u to agree to what im saying, i know what i am saying and im sure thats how i feel about u. There is no room for any of ur useless agreements. I need only one thing which u have failed to achieve ever since i started pointing out ur flaws. And that thing happen to be something called 'change'. As for me? U told me what i need to change, and have i not changed? It appears that u want me to leave u alone. Isnt that so? No need for ur excuses about its u and not me for our predicament. Why? Because im sure that we are heading aimlessly for a solution. U do not care even if i were to change, because u cannot care less about a stranger! Or should i say, a fellow citizen of Singapore. Despite, u would prefer that i leave u alone. Why would i think so? Because if i were to leave u alone, u would slowly forget about my existence. I have ceased to exist. However, im here as a harsh reminder that im still here and i'll never let u fling me off. If one day i have to, i'll be the one to make the decision to let go. After all, u would not bother in any way to show that u care. Therefore, the decision lies with me and it is my suffering and curse to lose a friend like u. Then again, it is not my loss. Im sure ur tired and does it even occur to u that im the one feeling fatigue about this? Not just this, i mean these. Who are the ones who set what is normal and what is not? U, urself and urself. Ur the fault itself for being so passively faking through with these kind and comforting remarks. U say so much about how u feel and what u mean and what u really want me to believe. But u preach like a typical priest! U do not practice them or make me believe in them. Faith? U want me to follow and believe u blindly as u say till one day i realise the truth about ur promises? That day, i'll break down and die. Time does not allow that day to pass, and i would rather die than to hear myself out. Did i ask too much? Honestly, ask urself what im asking for. And ive recited that a million times to the Buddha and Madonna statues. They are unresponsive to my request, because they are dead and they care not for me and my concerns. But u, as somebody that u promise and sworn to be, act like one of them, only less thoughtful and supportive. I can even find comfort in the eyes of Mary, but never from u. Am i asking too much? I face rejection everyday, and im already used to its wear and tear. But from u, it seems that its an endless list of excuses. And worse, excuses reused over and over again. What do i ask of u? Have u really considered that? In detail, ask urself what have i ever asked for? My requests and simple and unselfish. But how many rejections does it take for us to reach where we are now? Ive been keeping silent for some time now and it appears to me that it does not matter only till recently. I cannot take ur indifference and insensitive statements. If i can buy faith, i wouldnt need u. So u keep me as a friend because of my uses? Of course! Of course! Typical of life and its advantages for people who manipulates with others emotionally and spiritually! Of course! How late for this realisation! How late am i! How late! How can i forgive myself for such stupidity to shroud my vision, in seeing through my values and how it appeals to draw in friends. But what can i do for u my dear? I have nothing. And its a loss to lose contact with a friend like that? Loss on my side too, but then why do u care? When did u start to care about things like that? Well, if u were to care, then why are u acting like that even though we have fought through pain and tears? It appears that ur the hypocrite this time, not me. My words are heavy and carries painful implications at times u say. But what about u? Ur words are empty and meaningless and doubtful in my ears. I cannot believe u any longer for whateva u say. U are selfish through and through. Look at urself, u know the err but yet refuse to take action to correct urself. Sympathy! Empathy! I dunno which to apply for u. It seems that ur a hopeless case! What can i say? U have agreed with somebody else that im stubborn and ignorant. Well, do u see that u have agreed with somebody more stubborn than me for passing such judgements and refuses to listen to others? Do u realise? And u stand on the side of my enemy, showing me no support and purposely not willing to turn back to give a single glance. U have done things to purposely set me ablaze and i have done so in return to enrage u. But where does this lead? Why do we do such things? Maybe its because of the little significance u show to my welfare? Have i ever acted in any way to make u feel less capable of how u feel? Have i never showed u encouragement? Have i never spoke up for u? Have i never thought of u when i have something to share? Have i ever hidden anything that u should know from u? All these, u have failed on ur part and have i ever complained till recently? I can swear that i have never done anything so explicitly wrong! I have wronged u. Sometimes i may carry my sense of humour too far into making jokes out of u, but if that does any of the above, im truly sorry. But then again, my apologies mean nothing to u in any case. And at this moment, if u even ever thought about apologising, save it! I know its the hardest word u can ever say. Well, u've changed into an animal that i have never known. I feel that i dunno u anymore. U wanna preoccupy urself with ur own selfish plans and leave me out of anything that ur doing, im fine with that, because we're just schoolmates. And u have reminded me countless of times that the line is drawn clear. Ive made it a point to embed that into my memory and to tell myself to stay away from u. But if thats clearly what u wanna achieve, keep it going, ur doing fine! And by the end of the day, u can even just forget my name and how i look. Because, i dun think that memory will serve u in any way for the rest of ur life. Im out of ur life, and ur out of mine. We go our own sweet ways, as u wish. Im not going to spend my life to wait for ur reply or response. Continue to dig in ur glory, ur as fine as hell a good person! Im sure everybody loves u for who u are! Go get urself a new toy. I should be refundable. I think. But with this scars and bruise marks, will they want me back? Even how, im sure they will. As for u, enjoy ur days when im gone. I dun wanna exaggerate things, like ive said, we're just schoolmates and i dun wish to blow this relationship of being strangers. I cannot imagine what else will categorise us other than strangers. Can u? U need some room? Some personal space? Sure, just turn around and look, u have the rest of the world to urself. There u go, the whole space on earth except for where im standing. Its all urs now! Enjoy wallowing in ur personal space!

Xi'an Trip

2008-03-11T22:37:00.002+08:00

Life has been unkind back in Singapore, but least to my expectation, life has been worse here in China. Im currently blogging in a very friendly environment of a LAN shop in Xi'an. The air is pregnated with the smell of cigar, the floor with its ashes and probably some stains of spits. What impression u have of China, keep it.

Well, i've been here in Xi'an for four days now. Tomorrow, i'll be flying back to Singapore, landing around 5 in the morning. And that leaves me no choice but to skip another day of class! Imagine if i have to head down to school after my flight. If u can, i cant. I flew here on Saturday morning, with Dedric, Qinglun and Shelly. The latter is our in-charge. She is an excutive in the company 'Full House', who is partly organiser and supporter of this cause, this trip.

Im so thankful and Mark and ChaiXia came to see me off! We had a short breakfast, for that Mark was there slightly later. Therefore, i only had time to talk with ChaiXia more. Im so sorry if Mark felt kinda 'cheated' into going to the airport. Well, whateva it is, im very thankful!

Obviously, the flight was smooth. We touched down at the airport at Shanghai around late afternoon. We took a transit flight from there to Xi'an, which cost us an extra 3 hours, including time wasted on waiting. However, somehow i really do enjoy the sensation of being at the airport, the anticipation of flying and of course the precious time spent on the plane.

Im choking, the smell of cigar is really infiltrating and killing me. Fuck, stupid! So smelly!

Our first dinner was a plate of awe. A head from Xi'an Music Conservatory came to welcome our arrival at the airport. We boarded a small bus, and was brought to the place where JunRu and his family would be waiting. MajorTay, the president of NAFA, some of our own local reporters and MrChew's clerks were there earlier. They were having their dinner when we interupted.

Like as ive mentioned, a plate of awe. In fact, many plates. We were brought to a private room, where noise was the main occupant and probably some song-singing and crazy tunes. We took our seat with JunRu's family. MrChew welcomed us and asked us about our flight. The table was filled plates of wierd dishes, which looked promising. My sense of taste was on the verge of breaking down when we were served with royal food during our flight. Seeing those dishes, coloured mostly in brown, red, gold and green, my tongue was dying for just a bite. One bite, and i knew i'll be in heaven.

What is Xi'an known for? Of course, what else? Good food! Well, the first piece of lamb went into my mouth, and literally, my mouth shot rays of gold into the air which transformed vaguely into a shape of a soaring dragon. Alright, probably too anime for u guys. But im not exaggerating, its seriously damn bloody good! Well, i bet nobody could see much from my expectation, because it wasnt really what ive expected and im adamant to show that ive been defeated.

Songstresses sang familiar tunes, though less familiar when sung with the beauty of their local flavour. The male voice rung in the room, while cheers and talks were breaking around in the small private room for two tables. Some of us were stunned and brought away by their voice, while some were too engrossed with their discussions and poorly constructed jokes. I ate so much, i was about to vomit. And even if i were to, it'll probably taste good!

We were brought back to the hostel. Only a few of us stayed at the hostel, to understand the life of a normal student we were told, but probably for some other reasons. Unfortunately, i shared my room with Dedric. Its not that i wish not to share with him, but i would prefer to share with Qinglun. In fact, we agreed to it already, and because of his indifference to it, i grew mad.

My first few days were practically dark. I was drawn inward, within into myself, so deep that nobody could decipher any expression on my face. Shelly could, and somehow i think she knows something which i dun think she would, and she asked why im pulling such a long face. I felt lonely, due to my own prescription, and very depressed. However, thanks to my mood, i did not eat much. Despite so, im constantly feeling very full!

Tell u guys what, im not in the mood to blog now. The LAN shop stinks! And theres Qinglun and Dedric beside me. If ur wondering, Qinglun and i are fine as hell. But im feeling irritated by Dedric at times! Laugh all u want, i'll blog again when im back! I need some personal space and time to think and construct my entry. See you all!

Bon Voyage

2008-03-08T04:05:00.003+08:00

What will come to be in a few hour's time is what i am looking forward to these few days. It has been a tough one, i thought. However, it seems anything but. Day and night went forth like an endless chase, from liquid golden to silver threads of moonlight. I sat by my window, looking out into the starry sky, wondering how different it'll look from somewhere else other than my own home. Then i wondered, how different will it be over there. Not difficult, though the answers never came, and i never expect myself to find one from my mind.

My mind is a stormy sea. To play safe, i would rather not risk waking up late, therefore i skipped my beauty sleep. It brings about memories of my first year in NAFA, when i was still under the torments of portfolios and seemingly endless piles of papers. Why now, everything aint that bad after all, isnt it? My final year in NAFA, believe it or not. As i wipe the disbelief from my eyes, i find nothing but tears. We have gone through much, and too much for some who could not take the stress. As for me, time has been pulling everything along with it in such velocity that my eyes could not catch a glimpse of any memory. Everything is so vague, including the future. Now, as i type with sleepiness clutching on my shoulders, i can only say that this is nothing compared to what once was.

I'll be heading to the airport earlier than anybody else. Christoven and ChaiXia would be seeing me off, and they do not know how grateful i am to have somebody accompany me for breakfast. I cannot ask more, for that i do not require for myself to plea. They go on their own accord, without a need for second hearing. Dedric might be meeting me, but with my knowledge of him, i doubt he will reach in time for breakfast. Whateva it is, ive a feeling that i'll be flying quite often next time. And whateva it is, whereva the source of such intuition, i'll have friends to see me off into my travels. Im thankful.

Before my Mom drove off to Malaysia, she helped me with the packing of my luggage. Without her, i would be pulled into several parts by two directions. One of my senses tells me to bring everything, while the other tells me otherwise. Being poisded in between, only my Mom makes the final judgement on what i bring. Thus, with her help, everything went smoothly and quickly. Though, i never admit to her how much help she was, instead at times i will give her an agitated look. Irritated as usual by my short temper, i will often make harsh decisions for the sake of killing time. Despite my temper, my Mom has been well equiped to withstand the pressure of my foul weathering. Again, im thankful.

Like my previous trip to Australia, i brought quite a huge sum of money. Im shocked to see so much cash. Ironic that a spendthrift would be surprised to hold such an amount in his wallet. Well, i think i wont have the time and means to get it spent.

My luggage now lies in the living room, blended into the shadows like any other objects. With a lamp on, my book lies beneath it against my soft toy. Im thought of bringing a lamp over, just in case there are not enough lights. Then again, there is the problem of space. The book however must be brought over, just like the soft toy. The soft toy, furred with lifelessness, bears an unmeasurable value. It has been entitled the position of my reading companion in bed. Not featureless, despite its permenant expression. However, sometimes i feel that it empathises. Somehow, it shares some sense of emotion through my touch. Sometimes i would bring myself to believe that it is a magical creature, wreathed in fur.

It fell not from the heavens, but an earthly gift by a mortal angel. My skin flushes at the thought of its owner, the bearer of my torch. The best friend of my soul.

In a few hours time, i'll be off to bath and to don whateva i have prepared. I'll be off in a flight towards disappointment, which i was told. I hope to waste the time with most of what i can, to spend every wasted minute with consideration for everybody. Bless me a swift journey, and a happy home coming!

Paranoia

2008-03-04T11:19:00.002+08:00

What started as an attempt of gentle confrontation on my part has become a full-blown argument. However, nothing matters now. I just need some friends to keep my company, to occupy my time and bring me far away from my thoughts. Distraction, thats what i need most when everybody doesnt. And that is my prescription.

Life has been unkind. Time has been dedicated mostly to wild thoughts and critical thinking. Amongst the latter, mostly has bewildered me quite often enough to cause serious hassling. I hate it deep into the core. I hate the frustration, dilemma, annoyance and nuisance. They are not plainly a pain in the neck, but a huge block of wood in the ass too. Therefore, the only cure which i have discovered would be what i mentioned earlier, distraction.

I think the only solution to my previous problem would be to leave Qinglun alone. There is no use talking to him. Im trying my best here, but with futile efforts it seems. When he is done feeling whateva he is feeling, he'll come talk to me. But, i wont be surprised that this day will never come. Or then, i wont be surprised even that it'll take a few months. By then, i'll be gone. I wont be surprised that i'll feel anything. Pot calling the kettle black, look who is the paranoid one! Well, if u're reading this, i suggest u flip back to the previous post too.

Do people apologise by shouting? Not necessary the volume, but in such a tone?

I wanna share abit about life recently. I'll be flying over to China within a few days time. Im as elated as im nervous. Firstly, i have no idea what to expect there. It'll be the first time im flying over to China to have a look at their conservatory of music. However, i do know the kind of reputation Xian Conservatory of Music has. Many do opinlate their impression of the conservatory. Experimental or not, we can look to it with open ears and probably be more welcoming of such creations. Personally, i do not know them enough to pass any comments. Judgemental as i may be, but reasonable. In fact, everybody is judgemental. To say one person biased is another's biased judgement. Foolish to think so righteous about oneself when one passes judgemental comments so freely.

Sorry that im getting somewhere out of point. Because im suddenly reminded of a few incidents. And i feel injustice to what happened. Nevermind, lets just let it drop for now.

Anyway, i have to play a piece with them for a concert. I can expect the least from the performance, and probably more showers of negative comments plus a few burning hot juicy gossips. Whateva it may be, im more concerned now with other issues. The concert will be held before my concerto concert with CSCO.

I bought a few books recently. Im hooked to TerryBrooks. However, the devices he used on his previous books are used again in quite an obvious manner in the one im currently reading. While im merely a sixth done with the book, i already bought another trilogy to occupy myself. In fact, the one im reading now aint a trilogy, it has four books. I love thick books! And i love trilogies, only when they're all in one single volume! Its cheaper anyway.

Many people wish to borrow my books, but honestly, i have no idea how to reject them. Why? Because i treat my books as a personal item. If i were to lend it, i cannot trust anybody else to treat them the way i do. Will they take care of it like i do? Will it end up tattered and torn? No. I dun think that they'll leave it under the wind and the sun. But, if it happens to be damaged, will they buy me a new book? If they do, then the personal touch to it will be lost as well. That'll be sad. And it will not be easy on my part to ask for a new book from a friend. How easy isit for u to ask them to pay for damages? Everybody will just overlook it, though they do realise what a grief mistake.

I wish not for these. Therefore, i hope not to even try from the start. Meaning, i dun wish to lend any books. U know what? I treat my CDs as personal items too. Books and CDs are the only resources which people are eyeing for. I know its never a good feeling to lend people something. For me, it depends on what it is. Money is fine, because i only lend my trusted friends. Well, sadly one has proven ill for three years.

Choir practices are mentally and physically stressing. Its draining me of my voice and my strength. Worse of all, when it leaves me mentally dead, i still do have the energy to wander my mind somewhere else. In the end, im left with nothing but fatigue, exhaustion and frustration. Last night, i went for supper with quite a few. Had fun talking, which released me of my weariness. U know how it feels when ur on the verge of exploding with unsolved miseries? Not mysteries, mind u.

I'll be flying off on Saturday, early in the morning. I have to reach the airport at 8 in the morning. I hope some of u can make it to send me off. Those who are going, lets have breakfast at the airport alright? I know its abit early! Love u all.

A few days ago, i woke up to find an Indian man sitting in my living room. Today, he opened my bedroom door. He painted my door frame, and now its permeated with the smell of it. Its still lingering in my room. Its horrible!

By the way, i lost weight during the holidays last year. This time, within just a few days of extreme eating, im almost back! Im back! Back to my previous spot. Back to square one. I really hope not for this, but eating is a way of venting anger too. And im really gaining weight again, help! Honestly, it doesnt matter. But its just annoying.

Devil's Whisper

2008-03-02T23:34:00.002+08:00

Do read my previous few entries.

Qinglun says that im paranoid, always worrying about nothing. He feels awkward, troubled and irritated by me. He says that he cannot understand the sensitive thinking of mine. He says im contradicting. He says that im overly-sensitive. And of course, im too emotional.

I must agree with everything. But he does not understand why i act this way suddenly. In fact, i feel guilty to vent my anger on him at times, because he is always the generous and giving type. Im different, i must admit. I am stubborn, strong-minded, sensitive and petty. I sincerely apologised, but he thoughtlessly brushed and rejected it. He said that i dun have to be sorry. Thats the last i wanna hear. All these could end one way or another. If we were to sit down to talk and make decisions to our actions, maybe this will be solved in a much quicker way. Sadly, i've approached every problem this way, and it turns out that im fooled. He make promises which he's too quick to accept. He'll say happy words to cheer me, but then its not what will last. Sooner or later as i have predicted, another cold war will befall. Not surprisingly, it came again. Much colder than the previous everytime.

I have thought it through. I'll forgive everything if he'll just apologise for dismissing me. He doesnt understand, i just need an answer to every question. And i hate to put a comma between problems. I'll rather settle it once for all, then to pretend that it is solved.

Back in Sydney, i was left alone by two very good friends too. Well, as for that, i was disappointed how friendship can be cast into stone with a few simple incantations. In fact, i did not feel angry in any way. I put the matter to rest, and waited for their decision. I have no say in such matters. In fact, i could not do much myself. During that period, i was feeling as helpless as a puppy. Now, with problems surfacing from every direction, Qinglun being the main cell which offshoots my other problems. U know, sometimes when u have an issue that bothers u, u'll tend to get urself so emotionally involved that more problems would arise while u brainstorm for solutions.

It does happen to me when im feeling down. When im left alone, my mind wanders far into the wilderness. I'll get misunderstood by myself, hear the devil's whispers and cast my worries back into my mind. My mind is like the sea. So unpredictable at times, ranging from a calm windless day to a nimbus storm. I feel so tired about it, and i hunger for company.

When im with my friends, i'll talk and eat and shop. These methods do help me to occupy my mind. I'll tend to be distracted away from my circle of problems. I love it when im free from the shackles of endless issues. That day, i was feeling very down. Jessica gave me a call, and we went out for dinner.

She is the best person u would wanna talk to. She has an endless range of things to talk about. I will never feel bored around her. And theres bunch of interesting stories to hear and to share. Well, we stayed out for 5 hours. We went shopping, had dinner and headed to McDonalds for a drink. We chatted for a long time, and i bought her to my favourite soup. I hope she loves it as much as i do. She passed me my pay, which i gave to ChaiXia for helping me out when im not free. Well, everybody is happy and thats what matters most.

Im gaining weight again. Im eating! Help!

I'll be flying off to China next Saturday. I have no idea what to expect, and with Qinglun there, im not sure what might arise. I went out with Dedric today, and we talked about many things. We discussed about the trip, and i shared a glimpse of my problem with Qinglun. He has nothing good to say, as usual. But he knows our character, and by that, he'll favour me less. Well, i cannot deny like i mentioned. Im the problem, not anything else. I am the very problem which im trying to solve.

I need professional help. My mind is in a mess, and its turned inside out, trashed around like smashed watermelon. I feel really helpless, because nobody will understand what im feeling now with so many things happening all at once. Honestly, theres nobody i wanna share my thoughts with currently. Everybody is so busy, and i wish not to disturb anybody now.

Goodnight. I'll blog again before i fly off...

Bounded

2008-02-22T01:44:00.002+08:00

A few days of sleepless nights has worn me much of my physical strength. I was being strapped by ropes which had dug deep gouges into my skin where blood coated my entire arm. Stripped from all comfort, i am to be left weathered and to die. Poised between an unconscience state, i knew that no sleep will ever befall me ever from where i am hanging. I was desperate for relief. Take me away, let me be joined with the others who has sacrificed under such fate. Take me with u, bear me with the wind.

Despite much that ive been through, i do not believe that with my scarred body and wrinkled face i have grown out a man of myself. In shocking reality, much to my despair, im a boy trapped in time from my aging body. My mind has been whipped incessantly with emotional fears and worries often enough that my only nemesis left in this world is my pessimism. My adversary, my guide and my only friend turns out to be my enemy.

I have locked myself away in padded rooms. Filled my visions with thoughts of mercy killing, self-immolation and sorts. Fed with a farrago of hatred and disgust, the urge of putting out my own misery send tears down my cheeks. At times, i dig my nails deep into the metal earth. Seeking to create an exit out of my emotional ambush, yet undoubtedly seeming impossible with the metal surfaces as smooth as before. Bleeding from my efforts, i have often resolved to deafen myself with the impounding silence. It confines me at a corner. Its fingers, dark and cunning, quietly enwrapping me in my nightmare of thoughts. Trapped within myself, hungrily seeking a way out, i lay at a corner with empty eyes staring into space. Emotionless, i stare deep into the air, as if into a place beyond the reaches of sight. As if to cut a piece of the void from where i laid.

My presence and my existence seems of no importance to anybody. My disappearance created no shroud of mystery. In a matter of fact, it seems inevitable. It has grown from an issue of awe to a wont. The truth is anything else but. I have withdrawn myself from society both spiritually and emotionally. Physically present at times, ocassionally mentally on a voyage hunting for answers to my questions. Oblivious to anybody's awareness, i retreated into the engulfing darkness which promises rest for the heavy laden.

Tricked. A fool who sets foot in uncharted ground with nothing eventually goes astray. Eventually, dies. Far-off from where i had come from, i am lost and misled blindly into the shadows. Deeper into the unmapped, i become solitary and helpless. I am cut off from all help. The silence frustrates me. I was left with myself to talk to. And that is the most dangerous moment when loneliness conquers over u.

Hearing my own defeat, i refused to believe so despite my attempt to cover my ears. To no avail, my voice rang deep inside my head, occupying my mind and leading my thoughts with plainly one duty. To torture myself, i thought. I walked the lightless path. Aimlessly, my surrounding never changes, and it seemed that i might possibly be walking in circles. When all things seem to fail, miracles do find its way into ur heart. Hopes dashed before my eyes, knowing that nothing can save me from my fate, it seemed almost impossible that i saw that i saw. Seemingly deceptive, probably a mirage. I hastened my pace.

I found an empty wall. Cropped out of the middle of nowhere. Curious as i was, i laid my hands on it. The surface rippled like a stone thrown to disturb the calm water surface. I realised then what i must do, though still mentally unsound and unaware of consequences. I couldnt care less. I stuck my head slowly through the wall, fearing that i might be suffocated from what may be at the other side. From behind, the wall appears to be solid hard as my fingers grip hard against its face.

I could not rub away the shock from my face. I was looking through the wall into my own bedroom. I was home. I stepped through and landed just beside my bed. The wall behind me closed shut like a healing wound. Soon, there was no evidence that anything ever happened in the room. I was still recovering in shock when i realised that things were slightly different. I glanced through the room and believed that i might be in the past. A few photos and books gave hints so. Only through the wall i found a place of belonging, but not of the present. It did not matter any longer, for that i needed rest.

Soon, what i stepped across was more than i could bargain for. A cloaked form, concealed behind its hoods, came to me during my sleep. He woke me and persuaded me with his soft voice to follow him. Still shaking off the sleepiness, i got to my feet and felt myself dragged across the floor with no friction upon my feet. Strangely, i found warmth in his words. When we reached a larger chamber down a flight of stairs, he turned around to face me. I could sense eyes staring at me behind his cowl. It felt as it i was torn apart through and through. His gaze fixed upon me and stirred an uneasiness which caused the world around me to swirl.

I must have blacked out for some time. For how long, i could not tell. There was no windows which may suggest the time of day. There were candles laying about me which were never there before. Dimly lit, the figure has decided to left me hanging by ropes. I could not feel my arms, and every muscle ached with every slightest movement.

I have walked blindly into a trap which i lay now. Helplessly begging for my life to seep away into the night. As i lift my heads upward to stare skyward, i realised that the ceiling above me is made of glass. Through it, the stars shone and blinked dimly. Dwindling as my lids could no longer lift open my eyes. I close my eyes and wander off. I lick my dry lips to prevent it from cracking and sticking. I swallowed hard agains my parched throat. Deep inside, everything is churning.

'QingLun, you win' were the words i lipped before shutting myself off into the darkness. Shadows and shades swallowed me whole. I was left naked and bare.

This I Pray

2008-02-16T23:57:00.002+08:00

It might be the fatigue or probably the boredom. Discounting my only solution of releasing emotional tension through blogging, i thought that it would be wise to be vocal. However, it was anything else but.

Im surprised, more than happy, to know that people do still 'accidentally' read my blog entries. Mostly claiming their interest in improving or exploring new grounds for the way of expressing onself through my command of the language. I hope that people do come, no matter from what problems that shakle them, for a solution or to sympathize. Some may encounter similar predicaments as i do, while some may have gone through what i may be going through currently. It does not matter who or what brings u here. The main thing is that i hope it does benefit anybody somehow or another.

They say its not always possible to tell somebody's state of mind from the way they look. U have no idea what they are thinking or might be going through emotionally. Its confusing how different applications may be running at the same time.

From my personal experience, i think expressing oneself most honestly is blatantly stupid. One must show, but yet hide certain feelings. However, expressing onself is a common way of communicating. Who says that communication must involve words? It involves in fact not just words, but certain words. Its called metalanguage. Despite words and phrases, the body language is also strongly involved in the process of communicating or conveying messages. I see mostly from facial expressions and certain important words which brings about my own sense of judgement into deciphering codes which will enable me to understand or relate myself better with my friends. However, when all connections are cut away, theres no way to understand anything from them.

Recently, this is exactly how i felt. I wish not to bring it up again. I'll just let the matter fall, fallow and when i come back to it some other day, which i will have to, lets see what it has become of. If u plant a seed, water it with tears and watch it grow slowly, struggling to seek for sunlight and suffering for survival, then it will be empathetic to end its misery.

These few days are packed filled with rehearsals and performances. My schedule is jumbled and disoriented. I have no time for my Pipa. I believe i'll start my rehearsal for my concertos very soon. However, i havent got the time to run through my own concerto yet. And worse, this March, we'll be flying over to China. As u may know by now, i'll be performing for some concert which involves the XiAn Conservatory of Music. Im still confused about the details. Im not sure who will accompany my solo, but it does not really matter who. I just wish to know whether ive to complete learning the piece before flying to China. Of course i have to, undoubtedly. But, within such a short period, i wont be ready any time soon.

I must be strong. My will has grown a sprout amongst my shame. I will prove myself strong willed and healthy minded about things. I'll let whateva that bothered me pass, and look ahead for what awaits in the future. I shall not let the anger linger inside me. Instead, i shall let it slip by with a smile. When something is over, lets not walk around it and dream even of a solution. Just let it lie there, do not disturb whats history. Im currently doing quite well. I have carefully planned and tested myself for the power of my will. It has proven itself formidable at the moment. What will come to pass shall come to pass. Im not a seer, but i see shrouds of doubts ahead of me. A haze of confusion will befall and i will be lost in its maze. Yet, there will be one that will clear the cloud which envelopes me from deep within. And there will be a few obstacles which will challenge my will, to wear me down emotionally. I will never come to a halt, i will make my progress despite the mist or haze. In the darkness, i shall have my will as a guide, a dimly lit lamp, and i shall walk out of its shadows. Feeling strong and determined, no words shall discourage me. Let my friends be there with me, as i venture deep into somewhere to seek for new hope. Let someone interfere into my life as i dream of detouring from my current course. Let it flow along in a vessel, where i lay my trust and faith.

Take the wheel, it is yours.

The Wall And I

2008-02-09T16:50:00.000+08:00

Throughout my entire life, only on screens have i seen how love can bring two people together. But then again, its on screen when i see how it can tear them apart into shreds. In this life, i was made believed that relationships never work. The perfect example brought me undesirable memories and shaped my childhood. It worked in me, sluggish at first, but as age settles upon me, the shroud before my eyes abated. I see things clearly as how they will become, not how they first appear. Of course, the guide books. And you're reading them? It shows much in the understanding of how a relationship works in this century. I cannot disagree that those few pages of psychological brainwash would bring u eventually, after a few years, into a perfect relationship that u dream about. Well, whether it'll be accomplished in ur dreams or in ur lifetime, they're all filled with social fabric. Manmade and fake, whateva u might wanna call them. I call them artificial.

I am not certified as a human relations practitioner. However, im qualified as a huma, though people around me seldom treat me as one. I am somebody with little wits and memory. Much of the latter has been embedded unwillingly, while the other gone with my frivolous conduct. I have bad memory, and im quite sure i did not lose my temper somewhere else where i shouldnt. And i must admit, im not taking my medication seriously. For if so, i would not have committed much frightening deeds. Sometimes, i scare myself. Im scared.

I have some explosive issues. If i could control my anger, i would not have caned my maid when i was young, pushed some idiot bastard down the stairs, sprayed paint at the same bastard, tore my Chinese textbook when i did not wanna study, skipped school during my exams, smacked an Indian boy in the face with my science textbook, broke someone's nose, poured coffee over somebody's head, thrown somebody's bag around in the classroom while shouting, screamed at my Mom, refused to visit my Dad for a year till he was diagnosed with cancer, chided my friends for hiding my bag, sent horrible messages to people im fed up with, cursed some musician for the rest of her life till she dies a horrible death, thrown my cousin's mattress out of the house and locked him outside, bit my cousin till he bled when we were fighting during our primary school days and lastly, i would not have blogged such nonsense over the net for others to speculate.

Sounds too much for u to imagine probably. I have such anger issues, which would surface once in a blue moon when im pushed too hard against the wall. Well, thats me. This is WeiKang.

I am very sad.

I have never believed in relationships ever since a year ago. But, ive turned to friendship for companionship and fellowship for company and comfort. Many a times, sitting around in a circle and chanting gibberish and gossips will lighten up my day. When i feel lonely, i have a few friends to rely to. Of course, friendship comes both ways.

However, at times, i feel that ive been treated like shit and waste. As long as it brings a smile, i'll be willing to do anything to cheer my friends. Sometimes, its abit too much. Much of the time, i'll sit around waiting and stand around idling for nothing. What im going to say tonight does not apply to all my friends. I must thank them for being there most of the time when i needed them.

Best friends are really hard to define nowadays. What comes between good friends is love. Mutual respect and brotherly love most probably. I am dishonoured and striped off this priviledge. It shatters my heart to realise how naive ive been. Have u ever wished for equal treatment? Everybody does. Only fools who are crazy in love would do anything to just see that girl, or just smell her hair and stuff. Thats crazy bullshit. Im in a normal friendship, i just hope that my questions are answered and my answers appreciated.

Sometimes, im afraid to keep calling, because i dun wish to be deemed irritating or hounding like a horny dog. I just need some reply. Fine, i wait for a response which will usually come after an hour or sometimes, not at all. I have a wall as a friend. I talk to a wall everyday, thats what im told, joke aside, i think its quite true.

It brings tears to my eyes to realise things so late. Im very stupid. Probably im thinking too much. Well, i believe so. It has been proven once and again and again. If things like that happens so many times, the problem lies only in me and not in other people. But i dun understand why isit my fault that i care? My concern as pesky questions, my care as unnecessary attention. Now, i just wanna give myself a pathetic attempt of laughing.

Im not surprised that the situation has turned its back on me. Now, im like the crazy woman scolding the world and walking around with my head shivering and whole body limping about. Im the crazy one now. Great. Fantastic.

Once, twice, and im still getting bitten. Never shy, thats my biggest flaw. This kinda fights happened many times, and its resolved in the most friendliest manner imaginable. Laughs, jokes and big talks. Well, im grateful for the good times, but if one cannot provide the cat with food everyday, they should just leave the cat be. Dun come treat me like a rag doll. When ur happy, u come play with my and have tea parties. When ur not, u tear my hair and throw me aside. Im sick of playing and adapting to different moods. Sometimes, i get a treat, at others, i get mostly a bruise. If ur happy with it, im fine.

But, what makes me happy? Sharing. I love to sit down and share things. Talks, food, ideas or even playing. U cannot believe it how simple things can make me happy. When i was young, im always alone, and brought up to watch my Mom cry and my Dad scorn. Im not going to state how pathetic my life is, because it is not. There are others out there with 'real' problems. Im just rebuking because im not feeling fine. Im as simple as that.

Anyway, i sat at Bugis today and just waited blindly for twenty minutes. For what? I really dunno! I really dunno! Shit, what was i doing? Im sad im not in the priority list of my friends. So, ive to play thick skin to ask where they're going and if i can go. Im shameless! Forget it. Now to think of it, im really fucking stupid. Im not that pathetic. I have to hear of such things in an open conversation which does not even involve me. Im pathetic. Thanks alot.

Im embarrassed to the core now.

I quit. Im not going to be there to just entertain and help all the time. I ask if they're alright all the time, asking them hows their day. I wanna learn how my friends are, how they think. Some people will shut me up by just ignoring me. Fine, thats what friends are for. And they dun come asking me about my day. I have to vomit my accounts everyday to an empty white wall.

Now i feel so guilty. Im being so bad to somebody who treats me so well. I dun think i should say anymore. Im just utterly disappointed in myself.

Anyway, dun start treating my differently. Im accustomed already to such treatments. Im used to it. I think it affected me and it changed me.

Me and my very best friend, the wall.

Dynamo Resolution

2008-01-09T08:04:00.000+08:00

I know its too late to beef about it. 2007 is gone like a snap, a blink or whateva u want it. This is my first blog entry, and overlook with the trumpet fanfairs, i'll keep it simple. Why? Simply, im playing low budget this year.

I wanna grouse about the moments in 2007, which should be remembered and not forgotten so coolly, and it will be thoughtful to spare a thought, obviously, for these special moments which chalked up the decision to embark on my journey of 2008. Swimmingly, its times like these which brings a smile at the end of the day. U know, when everything seem to go badly and u have to clamber through the everyday hurdles. Despite the sweat, u'll just lay ur head back, cast back ur thoughts, and wonder... what a wonderful world.

What creates this delusion? Its no other than the blunders of life. I call them, my dear friends.

2007 has been an important year. Early this year, i signed myself up on the parchment for voluntary suicide. But then again, suicides are free-willed anyway. Thats not the point. The gist is that it was offered to me, actually more like an obligation than a request, and i willingly took it. I had quite an experience, making new friends and exposing myself to a different side of arts. Friends, which i cant even sure whether to call them that, spare on the unloyal and untrusting part, i must admit that im distrustful and unwilling to confide to name them as friends. Well, but even so, i cant come up with a name for this group of people. Yes, i'll just call them dancers.

By now, some may have guessed what im ranting about. Its the performance with the dance department. Dun get me wrong though. I should make this clear, i have had a very good time playing with them. The performances were alright, though on my part, i cannot be less satisfied already. Therefore, once its over, i took my bow and smiled my way off the stage. Surprisingly, they even asked me to perform with them again for a Malaysian Dance Festival in Kuala Lumpur. Unfortunately, i managed to find something in my schedule to give it a miss.

Well, what else can it be? Its the gem of 2007, my trip to Sydney! It was on tenterhooks, the suspense over the drawn out weeks were just strangling me. Ive prepared my trip well this time, studying and getting to know dear Sydney over the net and books. I must say that when the plane landed, my breath was caught still. When we took the coach around the city, everything, from the signs and buildings, just looked so familiar. U know, like deja vu. Somehow, it feels like home, ive been there before and a many times. The boldness and closeness of Sydney made me feel so at home, i even knew the places and history of it before it was mentioned to us. The liberty and serene, still freshly embedded in my memory, left such a great impact and impression that im almost certain that i'll one day make Sydney my true home. But well, too early to dream about it, forget about even thinking.

Ive made and lost friends at Sydney. If its destiny, i believe i cant do much to shape it. Although, i do believe that theres always a fair trade for pleasure. The truth is, i doubt about the fairness of it all.

The competition was great, and for the first time, i felt so elated on stage. Not forgetting the competition back then in Esplanade, which i held celebrations on early 2007. The medal is beside me, ever watching over me when i sleep. Did i mention about the dust? Nevermind, lets not spoil the mood.

After coming home, seeing my friends again, i felt so old. Its as if ive been gone for almost a year! Thats the difference 9 days made, and its not the 9 days, its Sydney. Yes, thats the answer. Time fly so elegantly over there, while time in Singapore rots away into air and leaking passively from my clock. I was excited to see my friends, fearful that some might be greying or living in the homes. What? Its only 9 days, come on!

Year 3 started out well and smooth like a free fall. Of course, there were its ups and downs. But, overall, it went pretty well for us all, especially for me... somehow. Classes were little, i had plenty of time to myself. Skeptical about the stress, but it turns out that its worthwhile, wasnt it? Honestly, i have to admit that i seriously enjoy DrTan's classes. Call me wierd, but i have actually developed a healthy growth for history. Remember how we use to suffer the pain of this brain tumour caused from excess history homework by DrKan? That disorder has been cured, but somehow still there, only not baleful any longer. She has her ways, nobody is perfect. But she is!

Alright cut the jokes. Believe me, though u might think im lying, but i was really worried for my results. My result slip came a few days late, when everybody was busy wagging their tongues about their good scores while bad ones try to avoid them, i was worrying over mine because of the late arrival. Before i made a call over, my cousin came upstairs with this letter for me. Well, its kinda big, and i knew it before i saw it. It was my results! The form for the school fees were here earlier by two days, which was really stupid. They should bring in the good news, before asking for money! Bad business skills.

I was surprised and certainly enraptured. I was elevating into the sky, afraid that i would disappear into thin air, which seems kinda impossible, i came right back down and told Mom about it. She was glad, not happy. Its hard to explain, just kinda typically my Mom. I scored 3 'A's and 5 'B's. Firstly, the first thing which would capture ur attention would be ur principal study, wouldnt it? Well, that was one of the 'A'. I was shocked that my Counterpoint scored an 'A' too. With a straight record of 'D's for Harmony over the years, its really quite a gigantic cherry for an 'A' on Counterpoint, considering myself a genuine failure in Maths. Lastly, my Vocal and Instrumental Teaching scored an 'A'. Well i deserved that! I vomitted day and night with so much sweat and blood. The effort shows. But im kinda disappointed for a 'B' for my History. Lets just say that i cried out shit for it. Well, its alright, i am very happy.

Recalling what DrTan said, this could be my peak period. Im so dead.

My birthday celebration was fun. We celebrated together and headed to Orchard for some fun. I love the presents of course, and how sincere of Audrey to create this very beautiful... thing for me. I dunno whats it called. And thanks to Mark, Christoven and SiHan for the book. Lastly, thanks to QingLun for my new companion. Good food and good music ensures a good time.

Christmas was plain though. Went out with Jessica that day, and i asked SiHan along. He was feeling wierd though, but it turned out alright. And did i not mention about NoiseSingapore? Well, it was hell of an experience. Working with others isnt something new, but somehow, it seemed different at Noise. Had good and bad times, but like 2007, it brought a smile at the end of the day. Only disappointed to hear some bad comments at the end of everything. But the greatest thing of this project was to know Jessica and learn many new things from her. She is a good mentor, did i mention about the glamour and allure? Not here, next time. And yes, how can i forget? SiHan would remember too. The climax of the day ends with this underwear situation. Well, Jessica and i solved it. Lucky us.

Headed out with Mark, Christoven and Samuel for New Year celebration. Ate by the river, and had a good view of the fireworks, which lasted for eight minutes... i think. It was good view, and probably the best seat too. The table next to ours were really high. It must be drugs. They were noisy like a hundred grenades exploding together, or one by one, they were very enthusiastic, to put it on a lighter note. It was fun! We stayed out late, and had fun over at Mind Cafe. I know, what a place...

It was fun, and i intend to go there some other time. Anyway, its important to see who ur going with. Imagine going there with someone really boring, i'll die. That day, it was perfect. Just nice.

U know what is the worst thing? Remembering people who does not pay u back what they owe u. Worse, for 2 years. I hate to say this, but i have to bitch. Fairul is a disappointing friend. Disappointed in me, or me in him, or vice versa, i dun really care anymore. Im removing this person off my list. Firstly, for being so cajole and candid, probably is the only thing that made him stay in my smiling list. Secondly, his perspective on money can never be changed. He once borrowed money from others to go clubbing. I mean, look, ur in debt, and this indebtedness will shackle u forever if it becomes a habit. Im sure it has already evolved into that stage, especially at such a young age. But well, people like that, Samuel would recall when we're in the toilet, hearing this group of young people talk about money like some blockade to fun and pleasure. Of course! But have they ever though about what is the material, sadly, which brings them the fun that the pursue. In fact, i got my grape and im telling u its sour. My term for fun involves low cash involvement nowdays. Better if they're free. As for others, the journey to high upkeep with low resources has just begun.

If ur reading this, u might also consider the fact that im actually talking about u. No hiding from the truth. If one lies to himself, its unfortunate that the lie would be louder than others to be believed. However, pride is always the earpiece which blocks the drums. I admit that ive walked out from the pits of pride and avarice.

Say bye to dirts no more, get Dynamo. Thats my resolution, which maps out a few other secrets. Enjoy.

Some Birthday Indeed

2007-12-15T19:10:00.000+08:00

Well, i had a great night with Audrey, Mark, SiHan, Christoven and QingLun, who joined us later. We had dinner and supper later at HardRock Cafe. Music's good and the night's fine. I had a wonderful gift from Audrey. And a cherry for the top of the night, a gift from QingLun, a CD player! Such an expensive gift... i wanted to return him back.

Anyway im speaking in such broken english now, because im just not in the mood to blog.

Recently, went to catch some concerts and hung out with friends. Recieved blessings and gifts and some are just not usable right now. Nevermind...

I bought some books. I wanna read them now.

See you.

Some Birthday

2007-11-30T02:35:00.000+08:00

Somewhere there is a river, looking for a stream. Somewhere there is a dreamer, looking for a dream. Sometimes, people will wait forever just for a moment like this. Somehow, it feels not abit like how it should. Somewhat, the excitement is less than its expected. Somebody must be real sad tonight.

Something tells me that it is me.

Touche

2007-11-16T20:46:00.000+08:00

Funny. The thing that makes the world go round, most known yet least understood. Many believe that they know what it means, how to define or break it down into something somehow simpler. However, it cannot get any simpler than it is. It is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired, which is the difficult realisation that something other than oneself is real. It is the triumph of imagination over intelligence, like a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath, which at night, the ice weasels come. It is sophistication itself, which complicates even the most simplest form of emotion. It is not blind, it sees more, not less. But because it sees more, it is willing to see less. Some live because of love, but then again, many die because of love. It is love, that we willingly smoke, though it is an exploding cigar.

It is the littlest thing that tickles my lips, pulling a thread on each side of my cheek. I cannot stop smiling when i think about it. Though for a brief moment, a flash of red and pink would just fill my vision. I have to shut up the denial part of me, though it is no theory or doctrine, but i have admit and realise what im going through.

Most people are judgmental. Actually, all of us are! Ask urself, what goes through ur mind when somebody makes a statement. Of course! U'll judge it. And by judging, it leaves only two option, which is to agree or to disagree. We are quick judges in our lives. We have our own point system, though it varies how from person to person, and we will give personal scores to people according to what they've done or said. We are critical with somebody else's work, but not ours. Why? Well, this is just wierd isnt it? I think the elaboration should be done urself, unless u would wanna judge my theory. Therefore, i'll always sacrifice a period everyday to reflect. Usually, it'll be the traveling period. So, i'll think and judge myself based on a third person's perspective. It works, though i dare not say a 100%.

Ive heard many remarks. Touche! Now, i think they're right. I took some time out to reflect and infer about myself. My thoughts and feelings are distance away, they do not tally at times. Why? Because i have an inner-self which speaks to me. It has covered my life with deceit and lies. Ive been lying to myself the whole time. And what i do to cover that up? Excuses. Im always finding faults and loopholes to shadow over my own problems. Honestly, im not very fast with words either. In fact, im not good in anything that i do! I think if i have some money, i'll go study something else overseas. Now, im being unrealistic. And probably again covering up my incompetence with excuses of financial insufficiency. Well, honestly, i think i can excel in studying human relations or behavior. But then again, i need to practice the skills myself in order to prove myself capable, which i cant. Then again... its never ending.

Why am i talking about these? Well, im sorry. I guess i went overboard. Well, im talking about love today.

So, love. What are you?

Goodnight.

Overtaxed

2007-10-27T23:32:00.000+08:00

Emotionally tired.

These few days, im sorting out my thoughts and emotions. It seems to me that i might have overthought or over-reacted in several ways. Somehow, i think the line that should have been drawn clearly from the start has faded into dust. This chalk of friendship draws a perfect line, but wheneva one or another crosses over, something unpredictable will take place. Of course, who wouldnt wish for that consequence to be positive. But, reality always stays out of the television. The screen, thats where fiction lies, but in our world, there are no music at the background, no romantic story lines that'll pull through merely 2 hours. Not as dreamy as the movies get, in ur world, which is mine, everything flies slowly, painfully and eternally. No happy everafter princesses, its time for a wake up call.

Im not sure, probably we do not treat one another equally. U know, its impossible to get equal treatment even in Singapore. What makes friendship, relationship or courtship or Titanic any exception? Well, i must admit though that i know what im doing is wrong and probably hurtful on my side, i cant help it! U know its human instincts, or i should say that its embedded deep inside our genes. Its what makes us us! Read that again. Its what makes us us! I know u wont read it, so i typed it out for u to read again. My point is, though we know that we have bad habits, we just cant help it. Somehow, this knowledge of being able to percieve right and wrong does not infuse together with our brain that its what we are doing, or not. People stay away from jumping off the building, because they're afraid and they dun wish to, its not because they know its wrong. I think theres abit of this and that, its a welter of all these debatable things. Well, im not gonna touch on it any further, i'll rest the case here.

Physically tired.

These few weeks, ive been traveling about. I take the train myself, the bus and fortunately, sometimes my Mom fetches me to school. Well, carrying the Pipa is one heavy duty chore for me. How i wish i had played the flute, fiddle, recorder, one-hole one inche pipe, or whateva! But im glad i started out with the Pipa, which enabled me to stand out for a period. I must admit where im standing and where im heading. My time is up, and its not even a golden age of my performance. I have to see it that it'll never come. Therefore, ive shifted my attention to something else now, which my teacher has shone some light for my path. He is my guide, my lamp and my shelter. For now, ive a new glow to reach for. Im like a wandering fly, flittering from lamps to lamps. How i wish im a butterfly though. Despite so, i bet i'll become a moth instead. I better be glad that im a fly then! This leads me on to another burden to care for.

I managed to complete my history work finally! Im so happy, i almost wanted to congratulate myself by calling myself on the phone. Well, i sent an email to DrTan, asking if my resume on ChenYi is acceptable. She said its alright to continue, thus i completed my other resume on ToruTakemitsu. He is the most troublesome crap on earth! He had so much accomplishments in his life! So many pieces with wierd names, Japanese, English and all. I had to type all that amount of crap! I had to go through his dateline, which is definitely longer than ChenYi obviously, because he is a dead man! ChenYi's was hard enough, and i didnt expect ToruTakemitsu to do this to me. How could he?

Well, im shagged. U know, typing is tedious work for the tendons. Im so tired, stressed and even now, after completing, im undergoing post-completion stress. And moreover, while doing work, often i would have MSN nudges and stupid questions coming about. Its not irritating, but at times when i put myself as 'busy', which seldom occurs at all, i really mean to be cast into solitude and left alone forever till im done.

Psychologically tired.

So many of these problems, such as work, friendship, peers, activities, gossips and politics, are driving me up against the wall. If im a dog, i can jump over. Too bad... But good thing im not, or else i'll never be able to learn how to cope with such distress. Anyway, im vulnerable these few weeks, due to such psychological wounds. I must admit that ive been on a bad mood, flaunting my black face. But come on, u guys seldom see it, its rare and precious thus for times like this. I must apologise to people like SiHan, Christoven, Mark, QingLun and whoeva else who i might have offended, even though i think im right even if i did, and please forgive and forget. Thats what u guys should do, though i think im still right! I dun do forgiveness, its not my thing.

Im so joking! Well, lets just let it go.

Musically tired.

My ideas are running dry. Somehow, we have to replenish our music well. In us, there is this well, where it contains all the musical exposure, knowledge, experience and ideas. For me, ive been rather preoccupied with my personal life, so much so that ive been neglecting musical activities around me. CSCO is taking a break now, because SCO is currently in China. And Mike Chiang is getting the permit from the composer for my concerto. Now, im kinda giving up hope on the concerto, because im afraid. I got to be honest with u guys, my performance has been rather down the drain and deep into the canal and finally into the reservoire. Its gone. I cant find the mood to practice, or i cant find the right mood to do anything related to music. I think ive been into music for too long... i should take a break and head for something else. U know, ive been studying other things just a few months back, and the main purpose is actually to break free away from music. I ventured into the studies of human behaviour, body language, talk language, bits and pieces of psychology and now im reading about human relations. Even so, i still find myself emotionally attached with music, and i seriously need a break. I wanna go to Antartica alone. I wanna hunt polarbears and i wanna cook my own seal stew. How i wish...

Mentally tired.

U know whats in my head now? Words, words and trains of words. Almost like Elmo singing the alphabet song non-stop for a medley 24 hours a day. Make it 25! After completing my history portfolio, my mind is constantly talking to itself, reflecting and evaluating sentences and ideas critically from the internet and books. The problem is that, everything in the internet is so disorganised! I hope by typing, i can strenghten my tendons... because im feeling some physical stress now. Anyway, ive to browse all over the internet, combine ideas and sentences, and finally finding and sorting out sentences to make sure all the facts are there. Somehow, now to think of it, its not plagiarism as long as i credit them! I better not think of anymore loopholes... im mentally tired man.

Aurally tired.

My teacher passed me a few records. They're pretty cool, with pieces of Beethoven and Mozart. They're symphonies, because they're particularly more colourful and stuff. So, after listening to Mozart. I hated it! It makes me feel stupid. Im drawn to Beethoven's musical coloration, which leans slightly towards the dark side. Its serious, emotional and it reflects much of himself in his music. Mozart has that trait too, thats why its so stupid! Im aurally tired, i cant hear anything anymore. My mind is busy talking, and my ears are busy listening. But what goes through my ears comes out from the other side, or sometimes the nose, i just cant remember what ive heard! I need to refresh myself. In fact, for today, i did not open any music to go along with my typing concerto. So, today, its just me, the player, typing the keyboard, which is the instrument, for a solo typing piece. It goes like... tap... tap tap tap tap... tap and tap. Its minimalistic and it has a 10 hour duration.

Blogally tired.

I dunno what that means. But i think im tired of blogging. Goodnight people!

A Lewd Woman

2007-10-06T23:37:00.000+08:00

Im stressed.

Among the pressures provoking these distresses were the exiguous use of time, and the growing awareness that it will lead to unforeseen consequences. However, to think of it, without knowing beforehand what problems the latter would bring or otherwise, i will not have to worry so much, because i will not know also the results if i were to focus on my time management. In short, whateva there is in waiting for me, i fret not. Because, what may be, will be! Even shorter, i leave my fate in his hands.

Whose? Nevermind. Alright, her hands. Get it?

Let me touch on some other issues. Well, there are people out there who sells themselves too cheap. Such quotation would arouse doubt and uncertainty. Why? Because its spoiling the market, unless it is indeed not worth its price, which i feel so. Questionable isnt it when an acclaimed diamond is worth merely a hundred. Worse, if a self-proclaimed good quality gem stone at the same price. So, first u'll hesitate to believe the price of the diamond or, the quality of the rock. Either one, i think its both too cheap to be true. How do people sell themselves? Other than at the poultry, or some domesticated fowl collection like Geylang, people are hinting desperately for others to either date them, screw them or praise them. Thus, not literally being prostitute-like, im talking about a desperado. Despite the different names, what makes it a difference? Not much. Thus, categorised the same in such a world where people generalises chickens with ducks. Whateva u call them, i call them whores, for they make a whore of themselves, not anyone else.

As for bitches, thats a different case. I'll never attempt to discriminate bitches. Why? Because im so bitchy myself, i'll only welcome fellow bitches to my organisation of bitching bitches. So if u twitch whenva u get bitched, dun cry, because bitches have their reasons to bitch, just like whores have their reasons to whore about. Being desperate, thats theirs, as for bitches, being unhappy. Bitches are never happy, because they get screwed over and over again that they feel no justice acted upon these rapists. Not literal! Mind me not, im using metaphors to decode my thoughts. At times, i'll personify things. But anyway, it doesnt matter! So, if ur sad or angry over a my fuss, then i'll be glad to let u know that im elated, for that ur unhappiness brings about my opposite pole! My happiness comes from my bitching, which leads to the downpour of sadness and wrath into somebody's life. So, never feel ablazed over what i say, because if u should, ur making cheering me up. I dun think anybody would wanna see me smile, so lets just remain how we are, bitching and listening and coming out from the other ear. Thats the way it is.

Do i hear a bitch? Whose barking out there?

Im so joking. At this point, i hope people do follow up close. I know some will either just stone or salivate infront of his or her computer screen, trying hard to catch what i mean. I know, my words are like butterflies, springing out from ur screen and dazzling in ur room. Take a small net, to catch them one by one. If u were to be so impatient to just trap them all in one big net, u wont know how to enjoy every single beauty. Anyway, salivate is to drool. Dun pretend its not u!

No! Use the tissue!

Alright, i hope all is clean, or cleaner, now. Ive looked deep in Galadriel's mirror and i think i see something nasty. If u dun read LOTR, then ignore that sentence. In layman's term, i have a premonition that something aweful will happen soon. However, its fate is not entirely in my hands. Im joking! Of course it is! Well, u see, i knew that a task given to him will not be fulfilled, thus i gave it as a test. If he has the heart to remember, and to complete them, i'll be more than impressed. But, if he doesnt, my anticipation will turn out predictably unpleasant. Undoubtly, i hope for the best. Even in this way, i have to prepare for the worst. Lets wish that the best is yet to be.

I'll be more obvious. QingLun, remember to buy the SCO concert ticket for me before its all sold out! Friends that wish not for a battle, or to be caught in the bonfire, please enlighten him or remind him of his task. It is appointed to him, to him alone can this task be complete. Whateva befalls, i cannot say.

Alright, this blog has been quite a nightmare for many. As for myself, i think im rejuvenating well. My will was weary, my heart was heavy and my troubles were dense. Now, i've released a part of me back into this world. Into this digital realm, it shall stay and never return into its baneful state. Back into the shadows! Fall back into the nothingness that awaits u and ur master! Alright, no LOTR. It actually meant, goodnight.

Peripheral Vision

2007-10-05T02:24:00.000+08:00

Ive been away. On a journey, far and wide i have traveled, and now i am back. Where have i gone, many would love to know, but yet much more would already expect what ive to say. I shall not throw more hints, or none to start with. Im finally done with Tolkien's book. He has brought my mind abroad over to unknown pastures and stretched my world of imagination beyond its scope. Far off has my mind wandered, yet lonely at times. However, im glad that i found myself someone who bought the same book, SiHan. Fortunately or unfortunately, i dun think he has gotten anywhere near me. I started off 2 weeks before he bought his, and i dun think 2 weeks would be enough for him to finish the book, for i think he is still bound in the first volume. Well, its good that he enjoys reading, slowly, so that he can absorb every word and probably some of their literal meaning. He thinks that Sam, Frodo and Boromir are gays.

Theres too much to explain, and i shant bother to vomit here, because i dun think many who reads would enjoy scruntinising my puke, to find abit of something for their awe. So, lets leave aside the story of Tolkien's.

How's life? Great. Im currently preoccupied with my history presentation, which has been 'postponed' forward. It was brought forward, due to some 'unknown' reason. So, i'll have a week now to complete my history presentation, also my vocal and instrumental teaching presentation which would be due on the same week. Did i say great or what? I talked over the phone with friends to check gather information for my presentations, made time for dinner and some friendly conversations too. From many, including Pearly, also known as LimChooLi, my dear teacher, and also SamuelWong, Anthea and ShuMin that i have gathered enough information, as i deem, for my presentation next week. Im well equipped! To war!

I had a good time performing with many people throughout this period. Bonds were made, friendship woven and new perspectives raised. Ive been running around with Rit quite often, performing with other fellow musicians. Firstly, i enjoyed my time at CentrePoint over at Orchard. We performed for 3 weeks, and our news was like a spark on dry leaves, spreading like a wild fire into ears of other fellow musicians. Many would gossip, as inevitably, and many would inquire much more. There was Rit, JiaBin, Joel and Jonathan who i worked with for that 3 weeks. There were misunderstandings, trouble and quite abit of upset. But overall, i believe it was an experience for all.

Jessica had a performance at Sentosa and she asked me over to watch. So i went over, and after which, i went to a recording session of her's. It was an experience for me, also on that day came along a journalist, Jane. I was interviewed, and its kinda fresh for me, because i seldom get questioned other than those from DrTan and DrKan. Anyway, along that same period of time, i went Sentosa quite often. My second trip was to perform with XianYang, BangHao and LaiShun for a hotel's event. It was pitched at the beach, very beautifully lit with many lights of different colours. It much resembled the festival of the seventh month. And my last trip there was with Rit, Moses and LeeNa, the YangQin player. We performed for a show for merely 10 minutes. The event was huge. Imagine the amount poured into the function. It was pitched by the beach, and the long stretch of road was laid with cones of candle. The whole beach was their's, and the tents were huge and it contained hundreds of tables. All of the guests were Caucasian, and the Asian dwelt in the kitchen, served the tables, danced and played. Well, just how the world should be, right? So, there were many performing groups, and its all filled with the diversity of cultures. The performances were enhanced by the pink, purple and brightly, yet not glaring, coloured lights. Moreover, the sound crew and the cameras were all very professional. It was the best experience to wrap up the day for my last Sentosa performance for the month. Thomas brought us in, and after that he fetched us out to Vivocity, where we had supper and met up with Moses' friend, Rosie. We had supper till late, and lucky for me, i caught the last bus home. Thanks to Iris, the new phone service which informs me of the arrival of the buses.

Edwin and i recorded a few pieces already. I invited him over to NAFA to record the pieces together, for that i thought he would have the facility in his school for us to use. Well, sometimes its beyond my thought and what i thought would be. I hope this turns out well. Cheers!

Hopes are dashed to and fro. Our friendship has been on the rocks, yet on meadows at most times. Well, im at a loss of words right now. I dunno what to say about it, though i do know what ive been telling myself. Theres a whole chunk of it stuck in my mind, its so loud and unbearable, yet silent when it comes to my mouth. I utter not the emotions, for i think its beyond words, and only beyond words can it save us now. Dark faces thrown here and there, and nobody can live in delight for such times. Though laughter and chilly jokes can mend gaps, its only temporal. If we were to freeze time, and cut them into different layers, maybe we can find much joy in our bond. Yet, reality strikes hardest. Guess that u only have peripheral vision.

Well, im back and yet theres so little for me to say. Mainly due to my attachment with my emotions, which i cannot find any suitable for words to decode. Theres too much going on inside, but yet the world revolves so slowly around the sun. Time flies, but yet living in its process, i doubt its moving at all.

Ive finished my book. Ive been eating up my time, reading away on my bed with a lamp. Often i would devour a few chapters before turning myself in. But often it'll haunt me in my dreams while i digest the story and the concepts inside. Even now, after reading through the book, i can only admit that some parts were merely scanned. Why? I read word for word, but i did not look deeper in his poetry. And i have not touched on his appendixes, and its bibliographic nature. By the way, much has been revealed to me, for i find so much truth in Tolkien's fiction. Thats the word, truth in fiction. Theres so much to relate to the real world. Saruman, the Ents, the Hobbits, the purpose of the Istari, Sauron and the Exiles.

Well, i encourage all to pick up this book. In fact, its selling for only $32 at Kinokuniya, for its the 50th anniversay edition, with all the three volumes in one, with also the index and appendixes. So, dun worry, get one now! Its kinda bulky, and sadly, mine is in a bad state now. I think it had gone through the war of the ring itself, probably kept in Sam's sack, and brought to the peril of Doom, and back to the Shire.

Whateva!

Deception

2007-09-05T22:20:00.000+08:00

Thanks Joanna for the initiative, but i guess i was misleading. My purpose aint to collect debts, but just to highlight the fact that im always a free ATM for others. Anyway, i'll like to thank u for considering to take action. I had already informed David to kindly remind Koen about it, and i passed him my account number. I think he'll transfer the loan as soon as possible.

Another money issue would be the pay. If u dun get it, go back and try to accent on different words. Its a play with the emphasis of words. Back to the topic, recently i played for a gig at JubileeHall. Well, it was fun. But, collecting the pay wasnt. Lets look into it.

U see, Rit, SiHan and i clinched the deal somehow without knowing that we're all going to be performing together. Or to be technically correct, suffer would be more precise. We were not informed that we'll be underpaid. Usually, a gig that pays $100 for a performance would sound good. From now on, i believe that theres always a cache. For me, i had played for so many gigs and performances, paying on time was their virtue which encouraged me to play on. This organiser, MrQiu, also the arranger and performer for the gig arranged 2 rehearsals. On top of that, we spent more than 8 hours for the punie $100. What a waste of time! I would rather pay him to get us off the hook. Well, it was XianYang who approached me. He is a fine man, so i promised to play for the gig. Its not him to blame, but myself for not asking for specific details such as rehearsals and what type of gig. It shocked me that im playing for another of those accompaniment gig, which would usually leave behind an ordeal so huge that i'll vomit wheneva i hear oldies.

According to XianYang, MrQiu complained that we played badly for his gig. According to me, i think we played bloody good, except for SiHan of course. Im joking. SiHan tried his best to read the scores already, though he couldnt figure out numerical notation and has no ability to improvise to ear. On the final rehearsal, he did his best to follow the superstar singers and also to improvise at parts. I think it was great for our maiden, because he dun usually play for such gigs. As for me, im used to it, and i detest it. Its good news to hear that XianYang has recieved the cheque from MrQiu. Good lord!

If u were in my shoes, what would u do if somebody refuses to pay up after the performance? U have to expect the unexpected. At times, when people get nasty, u have to be nastier. I really do hope that it will never happen to me.

Wanna know something funny? When i opened the programme booklet for the gig, i noticed that the gig stretches for 4 days. Im thrilled that we're only playing for one! But u know what caught my eye? YanYu played for one of the days! I laughed...

During our lesson, she asked me if i played for the gig... and we both laughed. Its kinda awkward and embarrassing, but im glad that we dun have that barrier between us to feel ashamed of. Its funny! I love her! Anyway, i need to get her a gift for Teacher'sDay. In fact, im already late! What a goof right? So, being a full time mother now, what do u suppose i get for her?

Guess what? I finished reading my book! Im heading on the new books i bought at Kinokuniya. Im not sure about the usual prices of books. For CDs, they should cost around $14 to $16 for originals. As for my usual CD hunting, i'll be able to get CDs from $6 to $12. Originals, and not those China imports! Where? I told u guys before, but if u wanna know, its at ShawTower. However, when it comes to books, im still kinda fresh. I spent around $100 plus on my books already. The 2 i bought from Kinokuniya were cheaper, they cost about $40 in total. I dun like second hand books, they're different from CDs. And moreover, as i mentioned before, i prefer to collect them and own them. It makes the reading different too. U'll know when u start reading.

I cant wait to start reading my new book.

Today, i was in a rush. I had to print and hand in my arrangement of a folk song. I think im going to fail, because it is too complicated. Theres nothing i can do about it, and nothing i wanna do about it. Why? Because im tired. Moreover, i have other things to be busy with. I cooked up a few thousand words for my critical reflection, which is due tomorrow for submission. Anybody would be so kind to help me print my assignment? I dare not ask to trouble... because they might be unwilling but yet uncomfortable to reject, because they'll need to create a lie or an excuse. Why? Just tell it in the face, honesty is the best policy isnt it?

No. Being too honest at times will bring to us a whole lot of trouble. U wouldnt want to go around criticising everybody would u? In ur mind, ur constantly judging people, things and words. Therefore, lying at times create a comfort zone between u and ur friends. What kinda lies? There is the white lie, beneficial lie, malicious lie and the deceptive lie.

Imagine going around saying things like...

Hello Maria! U look awful! Why dun u wear a bra to support those saggy breasts? Hello Adam! Why dun u see a dermatologist about all those ugly pimples on ur face? Ur a lousy dresser, and why dun u trim ur nose hair?

U'll be dead. Well, some of u might be laughing now. But, we do lie at times to either gain from it, or to prevent a loss. Im not going to lecture u guys about the lies, though i think some might be very interested about it. Well, if u are, u can approach me personally to talk about it. But what im driving at today is about the deceptive lie.

In fact, within this genre of lying, it has a few categories. Herein the deceptive lie, lies 2 more columns. One is which falsifies and the other, conceal. In other words, falsification and concealment. In falsification, one twists and turns facts for a purpose. They may not want to lose something, so they falsify and lie. Or, they may want to gain something, so they create a story full of deceit. However, some are white lies which are a form of social fabric. Whereas one lies for an advantage of themselves, on top of that, it is deceitful or harmful, it would be considered a deceptive lie. In concealment, one hides the truth. By hiding and not being honest enough to reveal the truth, its a concealment, thus a form of a deceptive lie.

There are people who are out there, who are so trained to lie blatantly. Ive heard enough of their excuses or their original stories. All i wanna say is, relax. Just tell it to my face, i can handle it if ur dun feel in any way, guilty.

For everyone out there, if u feel that the whole world is lying to u, u need to examine ur own behaviour and attitude first. The other person is only half of the equation. Why do they lie to u? Its probably that ur a habitual liar, thats why u might think that everybody is like that. Secondly, its probably that they are compelled to lie because they can see how emotionally or aggressive u react to the truth. If ur easily offended, its wise for u to be reflective and calm. Imagine this, if u demand the children to tell u the truth then u punish them, u teach them to lie to u for their own protection. I believe we've all gone through this stage before. In fact, its the parents that taught their child how to lie, by first lying. Therefore, if u want to hear the truth, u must learn to accept it calmly. Be reflective, but not emotionally aggressive about it. And remember, dun affect others with ur emotional downpours, because this will force them to distort the truth to pander to ur negative reaction.

I hope ive answered some of ur questions deep inside. Before u sleep tonight, reflect about it. Have u felt hurt from things people say? Its probably they're speaking the truth. To be honest, sometimes the truth cuts deep. However, if ur always hearing sweet and honey, its time to consider what ive said earlier.

Rest well and continue to enjoy good things.

Be Liable

2007-09-04T20:59:00.001+08:00

Im sure many of u felt this way before.

Its like moving ur household goods, getting into a new apartment and u just dunno where to begin! So, u unpack ur furniture, without the knowledge of the measurements, u move them and try to place them accordingly as before. Despite the effort, it'll never work this way ever again. U breakdown, because u feel frustrated for not having work done and u just dunno who to turn to. Dun u just wanna move back home?

Well, thats the chagrin im feeling now. Theres not much choice, i have to swallow that bitter pill sooner or later, why not lets just make it now. Im so grateful for LuHeng's help with my new Finale07. He made me a copy, and i felt kinda worried because im afraid i was adding errands into his bursting list of work to do. He seems so busy, u know what im saying? Anyway, i installed the programme an hour ago.

An hour ago, i tried creating a score. A few minutes ago, i was still trying to create a score. Now, i have not created a score, but i closed the programme. A very productive hour, i know.

Sometimes, u lay perfect plan mentally, but in reality there are just so many unexpected blockades. Whispering to myself a comfort, i just cannot believe how technology has replaced most of chore. Moreover, it has raised the demands and check marks of society. I look at my new pet, i cannot bring myself to smile at it. I think it is less cute than anything ive seen. Well, i think time will fill the gap between us.

Theres nothing that interests me now except for books. I love reading enriching studies. Its the creative writing, and way of approach which creates the spark in me. When i flip the pages, i'll usually look out for diagrams, columns, headings and subpoints. I like writings which differ from the boring essays, which the style of writing and categorising is so overused. I want something more tasty, which builds the hunger in me to eat the words up. Ive read bland writings, and it barely triggered any of my senses. I'll apply oneself usually only if the book has an addictive smell to it. Or else, it'll never bring to me hit the books. Im not being literal here, but the style and format which the author cleverly uses makes a huge difference in my preferences, as it depends much on how the writing articulates to the readers. The format is like an additive to writing styles. Its the overall punctuation in reading i guess.

Im so eager to start reading my new books. Ive placed them beside my bed, along with the other books ive read. Many people do wish to borrow my books, but there are reasons why i dun wish to lend it out. Firstly, it applies not only to my books, it stretches from my CDs to money. Why? If u were asked to lend something most precious to u, would u? Should i be asked, i'll be happy to lend, trusting that it'll be returned. Entrusting somebody with something is a huge placement of faith. I would hope that they, those who borrowed, to treat whateva it is with respect and great care, thus returning it back to me, on a promised date, in one piece. U see, i do appreciate those who'll promise a date. Back in Australia, Koen, from NanyangPoly, borrowed $34 from me. He did promise me that he'll return me in cash when we're back in Singapore. Well, ive been back for a few months. Im not claiming that hes not planning to return. But with that trust, i think its a priviledge, and not an entitlement, that im willing to loan. Therefore, please be initiative and return me my money. Jonathan, who borrowed money from me back then, lost totally all trust or even worthiness. Some may already have been told about the incident. Well, i did ask him back for my money, but look, theres a difference. I told him, if he wants to pay me back, he'll pay me exactly on a specified date, without his abundant excuses. On that day, he failed to bring my money, so i told him, its either he pays up by borrowing from someone else, or he can just forget about paying me back. Spot that? Im fine with him not returning! The gist about loaning aint about the material, its about the trust. But, it has been abused over and over again. Terms of friendship or relationship does not apply. Jonathan and i used to be friends. Ive overestimated his character. Now, he is a schoolmate of mine in NAFA.

That is the first case study. So what if ur my best friend? If uve earned enough of my trust through tough times, im sure to consider about lending things. But, ive promised myself, an oath, to be strict with my own principles. No more bending of rules here. I should stick closely with what ive preached, therefore, it leads to my second reason.

Secondly, im a goldfish. Im forgetful, people who remembers took good use of the chance to plunder from me. Theif, if ur one of them, dun feel guilty, because i dun even know who u are. If u were to admit to me, i wont say that i'll not be angry. But at least, theres a higher chance of forgiveness. Come on, i'll be honest, those who say that they wont flare up would usually ablaze after realising the truth. Uve heard enough of those lies when u were young, havent u? I did.

Thirdly, i spend because i pamper myself with things that i love. Previously, i was a CD addict. Now, books. My love for recordings and buying them makes me proud of owning a huge collection of CDs. U see, thats why i dun borrow those books from the library. Well, i could! Why not? However, the feel of owning them is different. Borrowing makes one feel indebted. Its either to be obligated to repay a monetary loan, or tied down with terms and conditions which would have to be fulfilled eventually. I never liked having something which is not totally mine. In fact, ask urself, what is totally urs? Well, we're children of our parents, therefore, many things were bought with their money. But, consider it this way, something which u bought with ur own money which u earned through ur own very effort. Dun be such a pain in the ass to find loopholes here.

Alright, lets cut the chase, i havent touched out the main reason yet. I had people coming up to me to borrow my CDs, and some even wanted the whole collection to burn or rip. Its because im a friend, i'll feel bad rejecting, therefore i procrastinate. By deferring, im hoping for forgetfulness to settle in. People are apt to forget, after a period of time, certain things that does not matter much to them. Though they may claim that its important to them in any way, its actually not. Im betraying myself when i lend out these precious things. When people ask for my DVDs, im more than willing to display them on a table and sell them illegally. But when it comes to other things, lets be honest here, im really not willing.

I know, u may think that im selfish. Look at it this way, its very hard for u to ask for ur teacher to lend u their own personal instrument. Its possible, because YanYu lent me her's during my competition. The key point is, even though how close we may be, my trust for everybody has been abused over and over. Its useless to convince me, because im fixed in my mind. Nobody will ever take care of anything that doesnt belong to them. They dun even take care of their own belongings! When its damaged, they have nobody else to blame, therefore its alright. But, when it comes to somebody else's property, how are u going to pay for the damages? Some damages are just minor, but its the trust thats mostly bruised, not the ego. And if u were to compensate in terms of cash, as a friend, who would accept that? Its not nice.

Therefore, to avoid all sort of scenarios, its best not to borrow anything from ur friends, unless ur very certain that u'll be able to return it immediately or on a given date. Be responsible, not untrustworthy.

LimChooLi wants my Finale07. Im impressed that shes rather updated. She told me about this tabletPC. Alright! I might be a cave turtle when it comes to IT, i think its good to know such things, but not a necessity. It'll be a workload off the shoulder if i were to know such technology, its no wonder people like Rit and Moses attends IT fairs. Well, we chatted, and exchanged stories. I'll get someone, not LuHeng, because i'll feel heavy with guilt, to help me create another copy so that LimChooLi can have one copy too. In the end, everybody is happy.

Im not! Im still stuck with Finale07, its like so depressing, because all of skills with Noteworthy has been wasted, and i studied Sibelius3 at school. Now, they're using Sibelius4 already. How sad! Its impossible to catch up with the ever going technology. The advances in fashion and such industries are just progressing too rapidly. Everyday, theres a difference from the day before. We wake up to find ourselves in a new world.

Its a sad tomorrow. As i delay, im lagging behind day by day. So, if i dun sleep, i'll be behind time for 2 days, because i'll require a day rest, plus another 6 to 8 hours which i skipped. No wonder Beethoven went deaf.

Houg It

2007-09-03T21:55:00.000+08:00

I'd goofed.

I had procrastinated, until an opportunity was lost, or till i fail a module. Purely fiction here. Reality bites hard, and ive flaunt my scars, vulnerable, to my enemies. Thus, once bitten, twice shy. However, i have openly whipped a wounded body, hoping that by sacrificing one, many will learn his valuable lesson as their own. Unfortunately, we're all still human.

Its sad, dun u think so? We learn to dodge, but yet, nobody teaches anybody not to catapult.

Lets drop it. I wanna share with u some crazy moments i had yesterday, with a clique of loons. I met SiHan and YongRui at school. I managed to persuade them to follow me to SimLim. There, i bought a blank rewrittable DVD, so that LuHeng will send me Finale07. I'll like to take the chance to thank LuHeng for being always so generous, putting others before himself. Christoven and Mark came to meet us later, while SiHan was hunting around for his earpiece.

We took a bus over to Audrey's place. Somebody claimed that he would bring us there. Im still wondering, who? We overshot a stop, thus we walked all the way over. It was Martin's farewell party. I heard his parents threw in big effort to prepare for this occasion. U see, he'll be having the priviledge to leave the balding field for a fallow farmland. He'll by flying over to America for his further studies in Violin. Lucky boy, he had a bunch of jealous cattles over to celebrate for his liberty. We, being the cattles, went over to wish him luck, enjoy the BBQ and have fun with Audrey and his family. It was crowded! If u were there, well if not, then use some imagination, u'll probably think its a class gathering.

It was noisy, the food was great and her family never fails to tickle me. Its really funny there. If i were to take my family photo, it'll all be grey, dull and most probably many would be frowning. Well, the contrast is huge. We played games, and what other games would i suggest? I bet, if uve played my games before, u'll most probably had played it all already.

We stayed till late. I took a cab with SiHan and Christoven. I alighted on the way to Christoven's place, and took a bus home. Recently, ive been spending my time wisely. They say, when a person lies, his nose will swell. Its scientific, and probably thats why CarloCollodi's Pinocchio had so much fun lying. For ur information, Jonathan has a big nose, thus its undoubtly proven that he is a born liar! Im so logical!

Im joking. Or maybe im not. But, that doesnt interest u. So therefore, lets get on. As u may be aware, from my previous post, im currently addicted to the smell of books. Somehow, they smell of dung. DrTan once shared with us her liking for books, its partly due to its smell. She called it aesthetic. For others, its merely recycled dung. As for others with fetish for books, i shant touch on that. By the way, ive washed myself clean from the urge of CDs like quitting cigars. However, the price is heavy. Why? Because books are somehow more expensive. It doesnt matter, it'll take me a longer time to finish reading them too anyway.

For frequent readers, probably this wont mean a thing. But, for me, i managed to complete an entire book within a day! No, its not a cooking recipe, and it takes more than a day to scan through all those pretty pictures. Its actually a book on talking language, such as metalanguage and communcation skills. Well, i know them theoratically, but ive not developed those skills into practical use. No conclusions. Period.

A few hours ago, i went shopping with SiHan and Christoven. I was telling them about what ive read, and sharing with them what ive learnt. It'll be awkward if SiHan has no arguments or disagreements over anything. Im not thrilled to counter every irritating possibility he has. He bought his brother a birthday gift, while i pampered myself with 2 more new books. These books are in line, till im done with my write language. Therein, lies the secrets to the power of persuasion. It reminded me of Saruman's magic, which lies deep in his voice. He has the power with words and he sounded most convincing to any ears. As the incarnate of the lost soul of Saruman, i shall inherit his mastery over the power of persuasion!

Slap me, if im too carried away. The other book has much similarity with AllanPease's books on communication. Its by RobertBolton, and im so sorry... the book of persuasion has not been bought yet. I remembered, because i had promised myself to get it only after ive finished with both of my new books. So, by correcting my error, the other book would be by HenryRussel, its about etiquette.

It was raining heavily after choir this afternoon. Its irritating, because i wore slippers. I had lunch with QingLun, and he was patient to follow me to the bank. I went to deposit my cash, which i failed to do so yesterday, due to the condition of my money. The queue was long, but we waited together. During my turn, the lady looked rather sad to serve me. I gave her stacks of money, unorganised and they were in bad shape. I think i should have ironed it before leaving for school. Too late.

We had lunch together, and we were late for the Dizi masterclass. I was so sorry, because he had to play, and being involved in the masterclass, i shouldnt had asked him to the bank with me. Anyway, he left his keys behind. I tried contacting him, but he didnt answer my calls. How careless of him to leave the recital hall after the class without taking his keys. Fortunately, he has a friend like me.

Right!

I attended a masterclass yesterday by CharlesHoug, DrGoh's composition teacher for his doctorate degree. It was great, but i was late. Today, i attended another masterclass by CharlesHoug, touching on the uses of scales and modes. Well, u might figure that its the major, minor scales or probably one of those church modes. Ur wrong! I shant talk about something which im not really clear about here. Wait, please let me go figure what he said first. Actually, ive some doubts to clear, which would make perfect sense then. Its my fault for not questioning! But nevermind, somethings are beyond my understanding. One thing im sure of, he is funny in his own ways.

Alright, after such a wonderful night, Cinderella has to return home. Im afraid that i might turn into a beautiful princess at the struck on twelve! Alright, u might recall this joke if u were with me last night. Nevermind, im sure many of us had fun during the weekends. What did u do for ur weekend? Was it memorable? If it was, please call us at our hotline and tell all about it! We care for our customers unlike how others do, u deserve our service. Please call us, goodnight.

Ranting

2007-09-03T00:53:00.000+08:00

This is it.

It'll be something that u'll find urself filled with nothing but an experience of my predicaments.

It has been a really long time since i rant about something, or in fact, anything in my blog. Updating as been an issue hardwired into my brain, but it has ceased and dwindled into a mere dumping spot for alternative solution to ennui and boredom. As some of u may be aware, ive been indulging into the aesthetic pleasure of book reading, smelling, tasting, hearing and caressing. U will also discover, if u can read beyond the horizons between the lines, that ive planned certain steps to preclude the threats to my endangered habitat.

Yes, my life is in danger! It has been under the fulmination of future belligerence. This combativeness has already drowned me with hints, tints and pints of them. Of which, comes in different hues and density. However, these can be avoided easily. How? As u may usually do, hide away from the embarrassment of a confrontation, brush up a thicker mask or probably, just feign ignorance. But, i think admitting to ur mistakes and facing the music is the most direct way of criticism. It comes from the first party, being urself! Thus, it saves the faux pas or some social blunder which will inevitably fall into place as long as u remain consistently, congruously still driving through ur life with all stubborn stains.

Do not be mistaken! Im not pointing my fingers on anyone here. Who wishes not to thrive? Not to flourish in any sense? Ive successfully grown and developed in size, and some may thirst to boom in height. But, thats not what im talking about exactly. Im being honest to myself, and i do not intend to put myself in a brighter light as to others. However, i do hope that those talents out there will realise what other possibilities that lie ahead of them, other than to blindly follow the first blind mice. Arnold Schoenberg, damn this uniformity right? Though i may not want to sound rude, and i know i am, but i have to really damn this uniformity about following rules, laws and orders. I hate to be told what to do. Though i detest more to admit that i have to.

Ive been questioned, probably u might wanna shoot urself in the head too, what isit that u are best with. It doesnt necessarily has be something that u must be the top as with others, but most importantly that what isit that u do best, as compared to ur abilities. Talented or not, that really lies in the eyes of others. As for urself, i think u should work hard on the second top, of course constantly pumping iron on the first.

I reflected for weeks. It was a chance to make new friends at NoiseSingapore. My partner, Edwin, is from SingaporePoly. Its quite a small world that we have many friends in common. Let me introduce him to u guys. He is currently pursuing his final year at SP for the music programme. Pardon me, im still not very sure what it is about. All i do know that it focuses more on music technology, production and not so much on performance. Joyce, my fellow orchestra mate at CSCO is a classmate of Edwin. Alright, probably ive done a bad job introducing him. When i get to know him better, throughout this 8 weeks, i'll talk more about him with u guys.

Anyway, that night, i headed down to the ArtsHouse. It was the hall which i tested with some other musicians before it was officially opened. Some of u might have caught some performances there. I did, and its quite a unique experience. We headed there once with the class to catch the 'Singapore Gaga'. But, its the performance hall which stands out most to other performance stages. Anyway, back then a friend of mine, i cant remember his name, invited me to catch his performance. It was free, and it provided refreshments too. I enjoyed it very much, and i do hope that i will get a chance to perform there. Well, enough of the ArtsHouse. The event was held at the EarshotCafe. Inside, its very cosy. It brings warmth, and the cafe is structure in a way that it makes socialising with people easy and flirting easier. I took a seat, grabbed a bite and breathed the ambience.

Edwin was then introduced to me. Jessica, or LuJie, came and we sat together, it took us some time to break the ice. She briefed us about our projects, and hers, mostly on the approaches that she'll take. Of course, the apprenticeship allows us to interfere into her project to experience the actuality in the music industry. Nothing really exciting, but its big time interesting. Edwin and i will have quite abit to worry about...

I found my shackles loose later in the week. Im freed from the clutches of academic studies. However, that means ive alot more to fulfill after the week, which im suffering now. In a few days time, i have to submit another essay prior to my first critical reflection. I carry a blase attitude towards essay writing, because im usually unorganised, stuck and lost. However, what lifts my spirit to draft my work would be the beautiful DrTan.

How i adore her! O beauty, u see not into my deepest desire. My heart holds much secret. Lo, my love swells with passion and hungers for ur touch. O please my lady, please touch and mark my essays! As clear as the river water, as pure as the morning dew and as innocent as the sleeping child. My heart sings for thee, a song, a melody of love. O beloved, most adored, read me the first paragraph of Sadie or play me a clip from the DVD. I love it! O how much i love it! U cannot deny my love, u cannot! I forbid thee!

See, ive actually some talent in script writing.

I went for some soul searching after Andy's recital last night. I headed to Orchard with Mark and Christoven. Before so, i looked into my bank account. Im astonished. I should just diminish back into the depth of my blanket and hide forever. Im broke, im poor and im worthless. The problem aint the amount inside, its the sum missing! How did it disappear? Im amazed.

In the state of shock, i followed Christoven to Orchard. I managed to hunt down a book at Borders. Ive bought 3 books previously by this author. His books are mainly with psychological behaviours. Not mainly on physical cues, it includes analysis and explanations for the uses of metalanguage as well. Ive finished reading on human relations, and currently, im embarking on another journey into the language of writing. It seems that i need much improvement to bring style into my blogging as well, need i not?

But somehow, im quite positive that my writing has a punch. It raises questions in the head, brings about uncertainty and most of all, it feeds u curiosity. So much that, it makes u wanna read on. There u go, it has this bite. U realised how my simple effective the use of short isolated words are? It is familiar to all. Lets cut to the chase, nobody really enjoys reading something that rebukes, chides and rants non-stop about their daily activities. Such contradictory! Im always talking about me, me and me! But, one thing i did do was to interact with u guys. As u may have already found out, i do use quite a generous number of 'u's to refer to the readers. This brings some purpose for them to think and to show empathy. I hate reading blogs which goes on talking about their activities, without being critical about their thoughts. Though ive failed answering DrTan's questions about critical thinking in class, im actually quite reflective. Im just not confident answering them. Thats not the point, i just hope that people would blog without using jargons and terms which only their body bug would comprehend.

Be more friendly! Thats it, be more friendly.

I apologise for its been too long since i last updated my blog. It wouldnt be too much to ask for, especially since im used to blogging chunks and chunks of junk. Some might find this place a paradise, booty call or even a piece of crap. I do prefer the latter ironically.

I shant tire u out.

Herein, lies the perfect ending for a soft cadence.

NoiseSingapore

2007-08-11T23:15:00.000+08:00

Im looking back, dusting my old internet accounts. Theres so much that ive left behind, but only constantly updating this. I just recovered my old group account, where i'll dump my compositions in for others to download, or this group where CSCO's pluck strings member used to hang out and post questions and bulletins. Its so old school! Come on, kick back, lets get back into the old school. Well, today is quite a boring day, while keeping myself busy with nothing, i had to do so much work! I know, contradicting right? But well, let me tell u what i did in a few minutes time...

Alright, ive just inserted a few more compositions into the YahooGroups. Well, i doubt anybody would go there, but its convenient for me to find my pieces wheneva im out of house, of course somewhere with internet access. Well, Christoven asked me out, but i couldnt because i was busy with my MIDIs. What am i up to? U see, i recieved emails about this wierd organisation, but i deleted them instantly usually, till i got one from JiaJia, from NAC. So, its about this group of young artists who would find time to do something out of their hobby or aspiration for a career in the arts. So, by joining, one can promote their music, take part in activities and join the apprenticeship programme, which i just decided to take part. Its called NoiseSingapore, i know it has been around for years, but its only today that i took some time out to finish understanding whats its purpose.

I was talking on the phone with Dedric just now. Well, we talked about many things, and its surprising how this NoiseSingapore has come upon his way too. He told me about what he heard and things like that, well... its not surprising, but somehow im shocked. I didnt thought that we'll end up talking for a few hours. However, it was great talking to him. I got to know current affairs, exchanged ideas and talked about some disturbing issues. My main focus was to ask him whether i should take part in the NoiseSingapore. Im afraid that it might not turn out to what i expect.

Anyway, i downloaded many softwares which helps in converting MIDI files to Mp3, but nothing worked out till finally i found this fantastic software at my favourite download page. Well, thanks to it, i submitted my 5 works, but my writeup for the interview hasnt been uploaded yet. Somehow, i cant get the format right. My computer is screwed! Damn it, stupid computer!

Guess what, i dun feel like blogging now, because my computer has some stupid crap problem. My MSN just restarted, and all my pictures are gone, including my nick and everything else! So, its like i just downloaded my MSN. Stupid shit right? And when i try saving a file, the desktop is missing! What else? Theres nothing in my document. Great! Great!

Anyway, if i dun get selected for the apprenticeship, its alright. If i do, its a new experience for me, nothing else.

Realism

2007-08-09T15:11:00.000+08:00

Alright.

Im back into the mood for SarahMcLachlan, MariahCarey and BillyGilman. Its wierd, but their songs are seasonal, if u get what i mean. They represents a certain emotion, a feeling and a symbol for my voice. Its vocal, it talks about things that i wanna say. Whateva it is, last night, i dun think i got the message across quite efficiently. It was quite coolly, with u laughing along and matters werent serious at all. I wanna voice out that, im very serious about it and the problem is like a fester. I guess it'll never be said...

I didnt do DrTans homework, and she said im naughty. My goodness, shes so adorable even when she's scolding me! I love her! Well, we talked about modern music, their elements and their specific styles of writing. Its clear how she brought about the lectures, unlike DrKan, honestly. DrKan would usually spell out a bunch of words and descriptions that either sound alike or has similar meanings, then she'll talk about the terms of modern music with a very general description. She can go really deep, but its just not very clear... almost like a long journey down the kaleidoscope. On the other hand, DrTan would make sure that she drills the pin right into ur head and u bleed to death with the knowledge of what shes putting across. Its not painful, in fact, quite a pleasure.

Counterpoint is quite a headache for me, and theres so many possibilities to all answers, however... only a limited is good enough to pass. To prevent errors and any major mistakes, ive to be extra careful, but... its so troublesome. Christoven found it fun, which i believe should be a frenzy. Its like a phase that im going through too, i find history with DrTan fun. For now, i believe things are still simple, like childhood. Imagine back then, we said we love DrKan. We still love her, dun get me wrong, but its only after we graduated from the second year that the love came back. Well, now theres more things to worry... ive not done my counterpoint yet! I'll try to do it after blogging.

MajorTay has appointed YouYi and i to lead the ensemble's management, though Edward is officially in charge, but we'll do all the little useless stuffs. We'll appoint people to come to class earlier to set up the chairs and music stands. And in 2 weeks, we'll be playing for the platform. YouYi and i will plan out the programme, which ive already decided to play with Sophy. However, since ShuMin would be playing for a concert at Esplanade, i'll let her have the chance to play it at NAFA first. So, i wont be playing, and ShuMin will be playing with Sophy. As for the Ruan programme, it was quite a pain. In the end, since ZhangRongHui would want Jonathan to play the first movement of the concerto, we'll let him play. Well, CSCO will be playing the full movement soon, its going to be tough, but whats tougher is to hope that its well played. Anyway, i hate listening to music without the full movements, especially suites and concertos.

A pain in the ass, a splinter in the eye. I think my mind has been running wild into the rainforest again. Ive came up with my own conclusions about many things. Realism in arts are beautifully portrayed. In life, realism hurts. I cant deny that im not feeling quite good with u mixing with them, but theres nothing i can do. Im not those that denies my own predicament with excuses, i'll think thoroughly and somehow, i know where i stand. Im standing alone.

One ill turn deserves another, its over.

Skilless

2007-08-07T00:10:00.000+08:00

Its great. And i think its good that its kept that way for now. Ive my own problems to settle first. Learning to ignore aint the same as solving. Therefore, something must be done! I managed to bring the point softly into place. Now, is there a place for me there? Im not really sure, but when i really need one, will it be there for me? I have doubts, but im relieved.

Choir was alright. Performance class was alright. Everything was alright. I think im losing the skill to blog. Alright... goodnight... alright?

The Road Ever Goes

2007-08-06T00:25:00.000+08:00

Such problems are not mine to settle. In fact, ive never stepped over the line once. It reminded me of my role as India in the conflict in SriLanka. I must admit that im not very strong with social science and studies, so... somehow, an unappreciated peace treaty turns horrendously into a snowy war. Whateva it is, things are turning down and doors are closing for me.

I woke up in the afternoon. I had to rush out of house, take a cab down to catch the bus. The bus should have left on time, or else i could have taken my own sweet time. Anyway, its my bad, so nevermind. Ive to return back into my sad and lonely schedule after today. Its Sunday, but im sacrificing it for an event outside, which doesnt interest me at all. Well, most importantly, im willing. So, i managed to make it on time, and we were gathered there early for a briefing before heading for buffet dinner.

The performance was an experience, indeed. Its an outdoor performance, by the pool, and under this little tent which leaves a quater of the orchestra outside. I was hoping that it'll rain, but i figured that it'll be worse... because the orchestra might be cut down to just a few, and im sure i'll have to play. Anyway, im sharing the score with a LiuQin. Alvin and YanJun sat behind, and they held the Pipa scores. So, i had to play on memory and figure somethings out from the LiuQin scores. Yes, there was a microphone for me. Well, i shared some thoughts with Alvin. Told him about myself and how i coped with CSCO, also mentioned about some Pipa players to him. He seems ignorant to such issues, but well... ignorance is a bliss! Dinner was alright, i enjoyed the free flow, the conversation with friends and pigging out leftovers.

We were seated, the night flown smoothly, with not much changes. During our interval, we were allowed to go wash up, drink and rot about. Some were chatting, laughing and some were shouting about. It was really fun to imagine how life would be if i was to grow up in a more neighbourhood surrounding.

The performance ended finally, with a picture taken with the president. He had a sense of humour. Its my first time seeing him up close, other than those pictures in the bank or ministry and sort. Im glad that we packed up and headed back home. I took another bus, which would drop the NYP students, who borrowed their instruments to this CSCO event. How generous. They're a helpful lot, always joking and never fail to amaze me with their bonding. But well, i was skeptical about that last time, not getting used to their eccentricity, but im fine now... more or less. I walked with them to their studio and helped with the instruments. After that, we all left together for the MRT station. It was crappy talking to them, and it ended my day on a softer note.

I live near NYP, so i walked home. Just took a quick shower, to wash away the weariness and ennui. Im feeling much better, blogging away and still thinking of things to talk about. I know these few days, ive been rather emotional with my words. If u were to think, blogging is about making those frozen words come to live, aint it so? The mood when i blog, is different from how some reader would perceive, so its hard to transmit this so called emotions to the readers. Nobody would understand how i feel exactly, but somehow... u'll get the picture as we sing along.

I realized that signs are showing. Its the keen sense of awareness. My senses are acute but my actions arent. I can tell that a dark road grows beyond my sight. What would i have, when all lights turn out on me? Friends? Family? Money? I cant rely on any, except for myself. Im so helpless at times, i need my own shoulder to give myself assurance. Im pathetic. Good night.

Growing Weary

2007-08-05T03:28:00.001+08:00

I wouldnt say that im shocked, neither surprised by both. I should say that, i think i need a break from the nonsense, and please let me recover from all those horrible drama. Poor acts, poor me. Whateva it is, stay this way for all i care, my hands are out of the water, washed clean.

U probably wont know this, because u lack the apprehension to care or to worry. But im telling u this, to get a splinter out of this wounded heart. Im feeling very down, and i cant believe how low i can get. Its like a bitter winter, biting on my dry lips, cracking on my skin. I'd enough of ur indifference. I seriously dun think im being overly demanding as a friend. Neither do i think that im over-reacting. Guess what, i know its not right to think this way, but lets face it... im always there, but u werent. Almost there aint there, its just to raise a smile on my disappointed face. Sometimes, i lock myself away from the world, from my social circle, just to listen to u. Even at times, i wait just for this blink of an eye, to just hear a few words before u disappear. Well, i guess im just too foolish... I cant believe how gullible i am. However, i cant deny that im amazed how similiar this scenario is as compared to those days in ACS. Those were the days, and this is the future... What does it hold? I really dun wish to count on it...

Ive been horribly busy. Just today, i had a full rehearsal for a performance tomorrow. It'll be held at a country club, and the soundcheck plus rehearsals are enough to drain all my physical strength. Imagine what, the mental torture was about to black me out. Tomorrow, ive to wear a coat during an outdoor performance. I guess the weather wont be that bad, but its the spotlights thats killing me. Moreover, the mass of sound coming from the airplanes from above was irritating me. It comes every few minutes, and i was there for at least 4 hours. Not forgetting the buffet, which tasted alright... and now, it seems that its causing some pain in my gums. I think i got a slight cut or something, im afraid of any infections. What should i do?

Moses called me the other day, asking about my solo for this charity concert. LaiWeng mentioned it once, a long time ago, and i almost forgot about it. Im not approached yet, and i think the concert is coming up this late August. Despite so, im still not receiving any news, im not sure whether its still on. If its going to be such a short notice, im afraid i might need to cancel it, or approach Sophy to do a duet together. Whateva it is, im not bothered, just somehow... bothered. Another thing that bothers me now would be choir on Monday. Ive not practiced the pieces, and im quite sure that i'll be chosen to sing... im kinda worried, i dunno why, but DrGoh seems to love picking on me these few days.

U wanna know what bothers me the most? What else, but ruthless poison from the tongue of wicked men. These gossips spread like wild fire, set loose upon the dry leaves. Its smoke rises and chokes the atmosphere with pollution and waste. Im not sure whether its killing yet, but im sure its already toxicating my life. Actually, im not really sure whether theres a source for these gossips, but somehow... if there werent any around me, im sure my predicament wouldnt turn out like this today. One of such, would be obviously my dear friend, who stabs his own friends behind their back everytime. Come on, if u can gossip about ur own friends infront of me, im sure theres more to say behind mine, not to mention also the large surface area behind my back to stab. Im joking, but im serious. Another confident source would of course be a miser, who tilts his head high up and walks with his nose. Such an arrogant freak has already killed himself by being himself. Whateva happens to him, its none of my business, and i think he's already quite dead. As they always say, its impossible to get rid of a cockroach. He lives, within his own domain. Lastly, a group of weakminded people who listens to every word their preacher has to say. I just cant stop it, but to curse them for their weak goblin minds. Come on, be smarter, know ur host, ur own friends more than i do, please. For the sake of shit donkeys, why cant u guys be more aware of ur own surroundings? And where is the trust? I dunno, but im beginning to despise u... though i once admired u the most. A statue on my altar has been crushed into pieces, im finding new hope within another idol. Be gone for good...

Am i stupid? Please tell me i am. I just cant find the route to a good healthy friendship. I guess its a musician thingi? Well, i look around and i witness many similiar factors which are affecting my life as well as others. Some elements are unavoidable, but some are just self attracting. So, i seek these problems myself? Im at fault for my problems? Im sure i am. Thats why there are too much to regret, but yet more to learn from.

I dun wish this to end, neither to i hope to continue. I think its time for a break. Everybody needs a holiday, or some time away from each other.

Hold On

2007-08-03T00:26:00.000+08:00

We've been having war so often. It happens that im always first to get shot. Ur merciless firing had me ended up in wounds that left memorable scars. I dun wish to tell the world that i care too much for myself that our problem doesnt bother me. But please, teach me how not to? I beg u so. U know what hurts the most? Its the intrinsic value that it holds. Vilifying, thats what im accustomed to already. Ur known to have a fortified character, thats what i worry most though i feel at times exposed at the front lines, behind a blockade. Sometimes, ur just too vituperative for me to manage, but mostly, ur like a gift that fell from the clouds. Im thankful, but yet it seems to me that times running short. It'll be most devastating to imagine that u might indeed turn out to become the last straw on my back. The burden is heavy, but yet the best is yet to be. The best, indeed.

Ive been biting hard with my schedule, though ive failed to plan my practicing slots properly. Being diligent aint my forte, if i should fail to brush up my socks, it might turn out to be the last and final chance to. Im getting out of NAFA soon, and what other woes would i have other than to get out in piece and in peace. My Mom has never forced me to do anything against my will, but she has driven me once with her expectations. She realised early that it'll never work. I'll rebel and i'll refuse to excel, and she managed to foresee such consequences with drilling exercises. Im how i am today, thankfully to Mom's method of controlling me. I gained trust as early as 8, and soon... im equally independant as i am since then. Imagine, a kid that age with the ability to save money up to $70 plus. The only regret was being too careless, as a result, i lost my wallet at Ikea's toilet. How forgetful, and what a miser would steal a little boy's wallet! However, for the kind of money inside, its really a hole in my heart which filled the miser's own. I was rebuked badly, but from then... i knew how to save my money with my own bank account. I remembered that i frequently visited the banker, bringing as little as $7 each time to deposit. Its really a tickle to think of it now, but now... ive grown lazy. I can just sit my donkey ass on a sofa whole day, and yet refuses to go down to the bank to deposit my savings. I know that many of my friends are amazed how i get all my cash. Mark asked so often that i just cant recollect how many times. In fact, im supposed to have more, but my imbecile father threw all his money to that fucking slut, Jane. When i ponder deeper, the pit gets darker and darker... Its really a pain in my heart...

But what hurts more is our friendship. Ive been hurt once and over again. Im never shy, which explains why im always bitten. Well, 5 years ago, my ruler was broken, just a few days ago, my heart. Thats the past, now im putting much hope into ours. Probably ive put too many eggs in one basket. Explanations are excuses. They share similiar definitions now. I cannot imagine why.

Lets chuck them aside. Recently, im in love with DrTan's method of teaching. She's so adorable and its almost impossible to sleep in her lectures. I dunno why, but im usually working hard not to doze off, but now im wondering if i can even wander into dreamland. DrGoh's composition tutorials stressed quite a handful of people, who didnt fulfill their duty to go hunt for folk songs. U see, we're currently working towards a composition which features materials from folk songs. We're basing ourself with Bartok's words, and we'll be arranging choral folk songs according to solid materials from our own research about a folk song, and its origins. We're to pick a song thats related to us, either with our race or dialect. As for me, a lover for the Mongolian songs, i picked 'GaDaMeiLin', which is a very popular piece as a symphonic poem, also as a common folk song. Its melody is unforgettable and very moving. I fell in love with it when i first heard it, but i remembered once that an orchestra played it, and i immediately fell asleep instead of otherwise. Therefore, with the pushing and the stress, many came to me for last minute work. Despite getting through the first tutorial, some changed while some carried on with using my Pipa practices, which were based on folk melodies.

I researched in depth, and found much sources about my selected folk song. However, there're just too many versions, due to the cultural backgrounds and influences. The original Mongolian version is however, sadly, lost. Alright, its not, but i just cant find it anywhere! So, ive planned to use the Chinese version. The tutorial today was very interesting, because everybody got a chance to talk about their chosen folk songs. Its funny how some presented, and its interesting how some got their information. I had a good laugh, but whats more entertaining would be the previous class, DrTan's lecture on instrumental and vocal teaching. She talked about many grading systems available now. She then talked about grading exams and their roles and purposes. Everybody in class had to come up with an answer, and she'll elaborate it further, and its how amazing how she can drive us round a huge lake and end up again on the same spot we started off from. She's just amazing! I love her! Anyway, the first 2 answers took a really long time... and somehow, she landed off somewhere talking about her friend's dog, and how it got buried and many other wierd things...

I prepared my notes beforehand. On my way to school, i whipped out the notes and scanned through really quickly. I read the first line of every paragraph and roughly got the idea of what its about. Im amazing! I learnt that from DrKan, sometimes im forced to, so im well trained.

Jeremiah is leaving soon. Anyway, i caught up with the movies recently. The funniest thing would be 'TheSimpsons', obviously u should know why. And for the worst, 'KnockedUp'. Its totally crap. U know how movies are when they lack of music. More surprisingly, the language was thoroughly spoilt with the overdosage of vulgarities. Some parts were practically funny, and many were either lame or too fake to be comedic. Anyway, i didnt enjoy the latter. American humour is something that we should be well versed with, afterall we're all so americanised already. U know, its not that everybody wanna be American, but due to its smart ways of spreading cultural styles through their superb media, its inevitable that the world is americanising in some way or another.

Whateva it is, it has been a shattering week for me. Im picking up the pieces, but shedding tears aint for now. Im holding on...

Fumble

2007-08-02T00:40:00.001+08:00

The dark shade fell through the crack. The reflection in the window reminded me of a mystery. My red bricked room sheltered me from all sources of light. Theres no escape, but only a prison which locks my mental state from liberty. In the comfort of my bed, binded with my blanket, i witnessed the changing hues of darkness from the empty piece of papers. They flew like autumn leaves from my coffee table. There, a stained cup, weighted with sorrow and agony pressed hard upon my suicide note. I havent found enough time to end off the last sentence. There, it laid, empty in the second half, merely probably still stuck in my mind. Theres too much to think. Endless trains of thoughts, running upon the track of my breaking nerves. Im going crazy, or mad as i may seem. Deem what may, im rooted that i need no help.

Hold on. Hold on to myself, because the rest is going to hurt like hell. What isit thats in me that refuses to believe? It is easier to seek for no truth than to, though im practicing none. The mad prophet and his tales tailed me back home. If ur out there, wont u hear me, though we've never talked before? My heart is leaving, and wont u take him when he comes to ur door? Now ur sleeping peaceful, i lie awake and pray that u'll be strong tomorrow and we'll see another day. At the crossroad i am standing, i just hope an answer will fall from above. I'll learn to love the light that brings a smile across ur face.

The burning torches, the bloody runes and the droning chants. Love is sacrificial, but yet it doesnt come with a guarantee. My glass is empty and its a hell of a long way home. Will u take me? Its no good to go alone. After all the bullshit ive heard, its refreshing not to see that i dun have to pretend that they dun expect it from me. All i need is an assurance. Its not the wind that cracked my shoulder and threw me to the ground. U know of what i speak, but ur shaken to the bone. I just dun understand, i deserves so much more than this...

Uve never been there as much as i stood by ur side. Its a disheartening realisation. It pains me to ignore what i see, but yet hurts me even more as i tell myself a lie loud enough to believe it. Nothing is simply good enough for u. Let me try, i'll be good to u. I'll show u why that ur so much more than good enough. Despite my efforts, will u even remember me?

Im falling into a trance. I hear deep voices calling. They sounded like music to my ears, but they muttered ungodly curses. The paper on the floor now sweeps across my empty room. My solitude, my seclusion and my sanity now lies in the hands of fate, a monster ive created. Its not my command, its not my call anymore. Its in ur hands, u give the shot this time. I'll do what i have to do, but u carry on with what u should do.

Broken hearted, i laid in my bed, consumed. Im gone... The mystery in the window brought about curiosity. I blinked, took in life, and got onto my feet. I turned, facing away from the tall oak door. Looking down from the window, the limited view of trees slowly grew out of sight across the horizon. I wiped the mist off the window, and planted a grin on my face.

It hung for a moment. However, it fell back into place when my vision was enchanted with ur presence. Dimly lit, the candle flame swayed with the unfriendly wind. The familiar coldness brought about warmth. I rubbed my eyes, forcing them open, i stared into the flicker.

I tilt my head slowly, and the sound of nothing varies with my movement. Theres just nothing to do, i can only think of u. Of course, and me. The last tear rolled off my cheeks, and i smiled.

Floral fields, a boundless prarie of peace and romance. Butterflies and hummingbirds, the misty spring morning and the cool evening zephyr. There, lying in the middle of nowhere, its u. Surprised, i ran towards u. I laughed at the sight of u smiling at me. I cried with joy and soon it grew into sorrow once again...

The distance between us grew further and further. The fear of committment and regrets of ur wrongdoings has brought this gap into our friendship. Standing on the edge of something much too deep, i cant get myself to wander off. Its funny how we feel so much, yet cant say a single word. Dun let ur love pass u by, but weep not for those memories.

General's Command

2007-07-31T00:47:00.000+08:00

So, i have deproved. Not much of a surprise. I played for performance class today, and i realised myself only later that ive indeed lost touch with the Pipa! Over these 3 months, i think ive been a really bad boy. Well, im looking forward to my lesson with YanYu. I think she'll need to fix her jaw afterwards...

Its been a hell of a week. Not really busy, yet. There were a few things to be done, and im diligent enough to get them completed before its due. Im comfortable with the timeslots for this semester. I think its fixed quite well with my schedule, except currently for one, which aint about school. Im facing this problem of... i dunno how i should put it. But well, whateva it is, im just not really happy with it. More or less, disappointed. Nevermind, i managed to change my timeslot for counterpoint, so i can wake up later and attend a smaller class, where i'll most probably recieve more attention. Despite the advantage, im quite worried if i'll recieve too much of it. My stress level has dropped much ever since i graduated from my second year. On the other hand, another meter is rising. Im sure everybody in class would face this fear of our final year end recital. Im sure mine would be a big screwed up.

Its funny. My performances during class are usually bad, in general. But during my exam, or competition, it'll boost up quite thick. Im wondering whether its the stress, or the lack of concern and sincerity in my playing. Whateva it is, im very aware of my own standards and where i stand amongst the other players. Im not first, neither am i last, but im definitely not as good as some other rising juniors. Whateva it is, its the fact that i should face due to my karma. Im not speaking in tongues of Buddhism, but just that its my consequence to face. Its my burden to bear. However, im very open about such comments about my playing, afterall im prone to filtering things i hear. So, today and as the normal days back then, i know... i played badly. Im not sure whether to laugh or to just stone. Im sure i wont feel sad, unless i let somebody down. I know, how about myself right? I can deal with it, im fine.

Revenge was sweet, isnt it? U'll taste ur own medicine very soon...

That was some random thought for somebody. Dun worry, it meant no harm! Well, the first week got past quite quickly. U know, like sandflies, but they do leave a scar behind. I'd almost no time to do any other things at night, because i was preoccupied with CSCO concert, which was held at SCH yesterday. HuBingXu, as mentioned before, was our guest conductor, who motivated us, taught us, scolded us and praised us. We fought hard, and he acknowledged our effort. We were all touched by his words, his passion and his care. The concert was a kick off, for the first time i felt so satisfied with myself for orchestral music. U know, i seldom really dive in deep into the spirit of those orchestral pieces, but being the principal this time round, without any others to help me, i was on my own.

Alvin, YanJun and LaiWeng were great on stage. The Pipa group was fantastic! LaiWeng had to deal with my sarcasm and chidings. Poor thing, but well i hope she understands that its to help her. Its no good relying so much on YanJun too, afterall theres not a full percentage that both are equally sure of certain things. Even for me, sometimes ive to listen out to Alvin too. Well, theres always a line to balance on. So, LaiWeng, please practice hard and focus more! Orchestral music is about urself and the whole orchestra. How much are u giving out, and how much are u recieving? I bet ur not even sure about that. I had to force her to not play for this single legato melody because of the noise from her nails. I had to, but its not a bad thing. Its for all, not for one. Well, LaiWeng, keep going. Alvin and YanJun are experienced players, they shoud know better.

I must thank my friends who came to watch. Mark and Christoven, along with Lisa, thanks to them for supporting me. Dear Tommy, who came to support too, thanks very much, though i think u were having a hard time accepting Chinese music. My family members of course, being my grandparents, Winnie, Mervin, Dorothy and Yong, Maria and Nerissa, Gloria, Douglas and WeiKeat. It was a pleasure and really a stapled smile on my cheeks to see u guys at my concert. Im so grateful for u guys to keep supporting me though the tickets were really expensive! Im so thankful, i dunno what else i can do. Well, and of course finally to my dear friend, QingLun, who fought with me in the morning.

Well, QingLun, i dun wish to put everything here, but roughly... its still... ur fault! I think sometimes our fate is in the script of a play. How can such things happen over and over again? I really cant believe it, though im certainly sure that ive done my part. So, with his insensitivity, he made me tear. He never fails! We fought over messages, and i seriously mean long messages like 2 or 3 pages long each. He didnt wanna pick up my phone, and so i didnt care after calling once.

We met at SCH, and everything was fine. QingLun, ur full of surprises. I hate surprises... Anyway, we chatted on the phone late at night till deep into the wee hours. We laughed at silly things, talked about dirty things... im joking, and we shared some thoughts. Well, he's still sure that its my fault. Whateva! Anything! Go get a can. And, hello, please!

Today, after catching the very... interesting... concert at NAFA, i headed home immediately with KaiXiang. Well, its a totally new feel. U know, sometimes u idle in school, wasting time... finding mates to eat prata or something, its a total waste of time. U see, after arriving home earlier, i could illegally download songs, search for some photos and even listened to some music. I can do so much at home, in the joy of my comfort zone! While walking there, KaiXiang, or Rit, shared some music with me.

Surprised, as we were too, we met Joe on the bus too. Well, now at least i know i can find some other people to accompany me home! But Joe and ShaSha dropped off at Novena, probably because of the packed bus. My ears were parched with new music, after Rit shared some, i was so motivated to go seek and hunt for such music myself. He was embarrassing in the bus! I was busy hiding my face, but theres nothing bigger for me to seek refuge.

After alighting, i brought him to my vacinity. We walked over to the coffeeshop, to grab a bite. He had dinner, and i bought him light snacks and drinks. Mom was there, and i think she was surprised to see me and my friend. I passed her my bag, and i went to sit with Rit on a separate table. He was busy teaching me Thai, and i think i did quite well though my brain is currently switched off already. Busy server i guess... i just cant remember much... It was fun talking to him, crapping and laughing cock. Its really sick at times... i just dunno what to say.

Well, i walked him back to his stop, and waited together for his bus. Sang some songs... and said goodbye.

I dunno why, but i know there are things i shouldnt say here. This isnt regarding anything uve just read, dun think so far yet. I'll guide u slowly... follow my lines. I think, its like the poles, and i find that people from a different upbringing of instrumental studies, especially the Chinese woodwinds, are of a wierd category in my magazine. Theres so much to look out for, but somehow, they're different, very much different. Read between the lines...

Alright, my Mom just came in to give me that cold stare and commanded me to go to bed. Its the general's command! How can i not obey? So, rest well people. Enjoy and goodnight!

First Week

2007-07-27T00:50:00.000+08:00

Its later than i thought. Its already the fourth day of school. Hows life? Hows school? The usual questions i hear around. Well, to be honest, i thought its kinda great. However, to be realistic, it sucks. Theres a difference there, if u dun get it. It doesnt matter, whats important is that i get to rest more and relax more than the previous year. So grateful for that! And of course, being blessed with friends around.

This is a busy week. Other than school, ive to handle with my rehearsals for CSCO. This Sunday, we'll be performing at SCH already. Guest conductor, HuBingXu, is so far one of the greatest ive seen. Back then, there was ZhangLie who i enjoyed his logical explanations very much. His temper was not thrown around like ive heard he would. Being merciful towards us, being an amateur orchestra, unlike his usual professional orchestras. Its his first time conducting an amateur orchestra, i hope he'll find something new with us, as we learn many other new things from him. U see, if theres an exchange, its a good bargain. However, if he finds us irritating and hard to teach, then... theres no good trading experiences between us and the conductor. So far, so good. The concert will definitely be awesome!

Not just the concert, this time round, my tickets sold has raised up to a few percentage. I remembered that i used to return the tickets in a full booklet. Im amazed myself how supportive some of my friends are. I did call up a few friends, messaged my relatives and reminded some of my fellow musicians. Well, the reply was pretty good. Fairul, a Malay Euphonium player, even agreed to come watch my concert. I know, its strage, but im elated to learn of that. QingLun bought tickets from me, my relatives bought the most and of course, my friends like Mark and Tommy bought from me too.

Talking about Tommy, recently... there was a concert held at VCH by SNYO. Tommy was featured as a concerto soloist for the YellowRiver Piano concerto. It was played very well. I think i mentioned that already... but well, no harm mentioning again! Im also quite dissapointed with the intelligence of the audience. They are not musically aware of anything, and yet they have the cheeks to bring out their ugly concert etiquette. Its really fascinating...

Its been quite a long time since i last blogged. I told myself that i'll start blogging up my life again. Slowly, it'll eventually bring sacred place back into a holy ground for many people. Well, the holidays have clearly slowed my pace...

The first day of school was horrible. We had to audition for the choir. What the hell? Yes. I had to sing this wierd tune from the Piano that DrGoh played. I told him i couldnt get the first note, and i was immediately sent to a 'B' choir. Whats that for? I dunno. But well, its obvious that those who got the notes were sent to the supposingly better choir, 'A' choir. So, some others were forced or asked to audition for the chamber choir, which would be held on Friday mornings. Im glad that i passed the audition. Not literally passed... but im happy its over. The size of the Chinese musicians are overwhelming. As compared with the past, i think im slightly happier with the current size. However, back then... theres its pros. Though the age gap is closing up, more immature situations of course would rise. Let me recall the new musicians who joined us this year. Theres Moses, who'll be in the second year straight with QingLun and ShuMin. In the first year, theres Clara and Sophy, the twins. Also, MinHui, Joe, Candy and Michelle. The unfamiliar faces would only be Joe and Candy. Well, it was easy to get along with them... and to get them to talk, because we're all so close already. Somehow...

I took up 2 more new electives. One of which would be MrYeo's and another would be composition, not by DrGoh this year. Its by this composer. Ive heard of his name, but i just cant recall where i heard it from. But well, its alright. DrTan is my favourite lecturer so far. Though i miss DrKan's sweet voice, im starting to enjoy DrTan's humour. She's so bubbly and cute. She'll laugh at her jokes, and its very tickling for a standard of a doctorate. U get what i mean...

MrYeo's performance class will begin next week after my concert. I'll be joining the first years. Great... how great... By the way, our ensemble conductor has changed to MajorTay. I looked forward to it, and on Wednesday, i had the privilege of witnessing things myself. Before that, i had a tough time understanding counterpoint. I knew MrLim for a long time. We knew each other when i met him in ACS, he was conducting the band there. Well, we're not that close, but its not that cold listening to him teach for the first time. There was this friendly warmth there, but still... the idea of counterpoint has sunken in, but it doesnt reflect in my homework. I had a hard time filling in my assessment. It was tough! Mark, LianWei and SiHan were all bothered by the irritating issues that were not mentioned by MrLim himself during class. But well, DrGoh told us its wrong. During our composition tutorial, we gave it to him for checking. Well... i should have just ignored everything and answered those questions with my knowledge of the mentioned rules and just pass it up to Mark.

Anyway, i wont wanna talk about the ensemble. This week, many little cracks were shown in between friendships and more clouds of doubt cleared with just a gentle wind. I blew them away a time ago, but they came back to me today. I feel so much lighter when i have u around. I think u saved my life... before i fall deep into the pits of depression once again.

Its been hard clambering up. I wish not to fall, but u know, fate is not in my hands. Its in your's...

Sotto Voce

2007-07-22T01:16:00.000+08:00

School is starting. Before it does, it has leeched me of my money. Well, not long, im sure it'll grab me by my ankle. I just need a relief, remove this shackle from my feet. Theres so much to do, theres so much to complete. Im not sure about u, but im worried for myself as i am for some others. Im sure there are plenty who'll get along just fine. They play by the rules, they play with their cards and they play well enough. As for us, we have to cheat. Some may see through a juggler's trick, but while others, they gape at it.

Ive lived and suffer long enough. Im sure its time to move on. To think about it, ive forgiven many, forgotten much but forgone little. Much of my woe stays. They do not free me, neither do i seek to liberate myself from its snare. Freedom is mine for the taking sooner or later. However, how ready am i? That, troubles me. My face remains wrinkled as i live by day and night, harrying myself with a burden that i cannot carry.

I wanna look far enough. Further than my eyes can bring me. But then again, bring me out of sight...

That day, i went to support Tommy. He played a concerto with SNYO. Well, it was great! I loved the third movement most, and its obvious that the other girls were... kinda poorer. Anyway, after that, Tommy's family treated us to supper at HongKongCafe. I felt kinda bad, but since his father was willing to, im kinda alright with that. Anyway, im sure i'll have another chance to treat Tommy or Audrey to something else some day. Goodjob Tommy, keep it up and build up more courage. Well, im looking at a mirror actually, i think im not any far from Tommy. Ive some fears... but well, ive to pretend to overcome them. It really depends on my audience...

Well, the CSCO concert is coming. The tickets are selling fast. In fact, i started selling mine today only, and ive left with just one last ticket. Im sure i'll need a few more, but well... its really hard to encourage people to attend the concert. U know, when its free, they'll consider. If its expensive, they'll really consider till they forget. Ive many replies, which from it ive learned how people react with stressful questions. Im sure there'll be a day that i'll use those innovative and creative replies on them. I simply learn from the best.

Theres much to say, but theres more to hide. I got quite a few comments... but somehow, its as soft as the wind. It shall appear as a guide, when all lights turn out on u.

U And Ur Duties

2007-07-20T15:45:00.000+08:00

Well, i know ive been missing since my fifth entry on Sydney. I'll complete it today just briefly, since i dun think anybody would really be interested in my longwinded details. So, i fell sick after eating that pasta with MikeChiang and friends. MrChiang shared with us his stories... and well, i kinda admire him. Im not sure about myself about many things, but im sure that ive people around to support me.

I had high fever for 3 days, which quickly ensnared KaiYi and YiRui who fell ill with me. So 3 of us laid in bed and the nurses came to take care of us. Our hotel room has transformed into a hospital ward overnight. How sweet? I was on the verge of healing, but i was naughty... i went out. I took the chance and headed out to DarlingHabour. Come on! Im sick, but so? I dun think i'll die, even if i will... i wont mind. But, im in Sydney! Its time to rock and roll... even if im in my grave, i'll make sure i have fun in Sydney as a zombie. I just wanna have fun!

The aquarium was great. Singapore has so much to learn... Anyway, i'll cut it short... We were invited to perform again at SydneyOperaHouse for the final closing ceremony. We got the highest score, and i believe that we're the only performing group throughout this 18 years of the festival to obtain a full mark. Im astonished by the achievement... The last day was kinda dull, its only in the morning that my fever has left me. Its time to leave i guess... I slept well the night before flying, making sure that im fine when i get to Singapore.

At the airport, we had no time to shop... we boarded the plane straightaway. Lucky for me, i bought some clothings... See, thats the good thing of being on ur own. I didnt follow any bugs and stuff... so i had time to do my shopping rather than listening to some complaints and gossips.

I sat beside MrChiang and the nurse who took care of me, HongYi. I must personally thank her, she really took care of me and was very kind. Typical nurse, a typical angel.

Well, its time to fly home. My feets could take a chance, but my heart couldnt find a way. I sat there, thinking and reflecting on my trip to Sydney. It felt like a year has passed, though reality really sits back there, so i wondered how Mom had been while im gone. I thought of my friends, though i only have some to really consider. I took out my candies and shirts... looked at them, thought maybe its too little to express my gratitude and my concern. I know, i brought around $1200 to Sydney, but mostly were spent elsewhere which im not really sure how... I calculated, and well... it summed out well.

Looking out, the bad memories of Sydney fell on me harder than the happy ones. I must admit, my heart lies solely within myself. I have no sides to stand on, but yet... ive witnessed broken friendships, but im always there to mend it. This time, the decision lies not within my hands. Ive washed my hands clean, i'll just watch. I'll be honest here. Jasmine and ChaiXia fell out on each other during this trip. I could tell and ive foreseen this to happen. My disappearance would explain slightly, but theres faults here and there which returned as more lines of weakness. I think the problem lies not within one, but both. Though i believe the heart should do most of the work, but now... reality takes part of one's life. Friends, new friends and old friends. I dunno which should weigh more, but as ive seen before in Jonathan... its the same thing. New life, new friends. Im happy for any of u, but honestly, its one missing friendship in my life, not two friends that i see.

Its sad. I looked down, turned my head towards MrChiang, who fell asleep before the plane took flight. I didnt dare open my mouth. I looked ahead and hoped that we'll be back soon. I wanna go back, not like now.

I bought wine for Mom, quite a few. She's thrilled... and well... gathering with my grandparents gave me warmth. This warmth that i couldnt find in Sydney. I love it back here, though my heart misses Sydney dearly.

Christoven bought me a keychain of a Banjo from USA. I immediately hung it to my bag. I passed him his shirt, but i didnt dare ask him to open it. He promised me that he'll look only when he reaches home. I felt kinda guilty that his shirt looked so wierd. Lets drop this topic...

After suffering the heat of OrchardRoad, i really regretted coming back. Watched movies with SiHan and Mark. Well, the movies were great. While waiting for Christoven during one of our appointment, i bought a book at Borders. Something interests me about body language, and i think i didnt make a wrong choice buying it. Its the only book i saw, and i took it quickly. Scanned through the pages and i fell in love with it.

It didnt take me long to complete it. Now, im equiped with a new skill. Lets just call it a sabbatical. There was a night, we headed to HardRockCafe for supper. We ordered food, listened to music, talked and i spent quite some time teaching them about body language. They were all very interested in it, especially Mark. Then, somebody went on stage, started singing. This girl was celebrating her birthday, then out of a sudden... his boyfriend proposes to her by singing a love song, followed by a love confession. It was stunning... the lighting and music was perfect. The mood was to kill for. How i admire them both. Everybody in the restaurant took out their camera phones and taped it down. I whipped it out but my camera had some special effect on it. Its not intentional, but it embellished the whole picture. Its so romantic...

Recently, i must admit that im obsessed with some fictional characters. Some of u might already know, but such characters are really attractive to me. Its not the gender of the characters... but their role and character. Saruman, the white wizard, is top of my favourites. He has a cool deep voice, followed by some evil sorcery. Umbridge, the high inquisitor, follows next with her sadistic nature and stubborn character. MirandaPresley, the chief editor of 'Runway', follows closely with her demanding and sarcastic attitude. These dark characters are really appealing! Dun u think so?

Alright, lets get emotional for a while... Ive planned my time around this, but it doesnt work out well. I thought maybe the holidays would be perfect... but, now its ending, i think ive wasted my time totally. Its disappointing...

Well, just go, leave me alone. Go.

Febrile Disease

2007-07-06T21:09:00.000+08:00

We played a piece which we'll be playing for the amphitheatre performance during the workshop with DavidRamadanoff. It turned out quite messy, so... we ran through it again after breakfast. I love the weather and i think the temperature was just right. I could wear as normal, and i could wear more without sweating. The air was dry and cool, making my face less oily too.

We boarded the coach after moving the instruments into the truck. We're having an outdoor performance at DarlingHabour. I hope u guys remember where DarlingHabour is, because ive mentioned it many times already. There wasnt much time for me to walk round DarlingHabour. That day, i shopped around at CircularQuay, which many did too. However, its DarlingHabour where i wanna do my shopping.

The coaches were confused with the location for us to alight. We're told that the amphitheatre was kinda far from our drop off point, meaning that we'll be shifting our heavy instruments all the way by manpower till the amphitheatre. We had no choice, after driving around and around, we alighted at the same area. The guys took care of the instruments, while the girls carried the smaller ones like Pipa, Ruan and ErHu. Whateva it is, the power of Xavier was strong. Its no use denying his powers for that its too mighty for us to withhold. Some pushed the drums, carried the heavy GeHu and quite a few were needed for the JianGu. I was pushing the drum, carrying the YangQin and GuZheng stands. Not at once of course.

I must admit that the other guys were all very helpful and they did much more than me. I stood there with my jaw dropped when i saw the amphitheatre. Its really amazing. Really.

Now, i know u can sense the sarcasm. Its really pathetic, its like this 2 tents. Thats all! The impression of an amphitheatre would be large white tents, with a dented performance ground and moreover, a place large enough for an orchestra.

After moving the instruments, we had to wait for the band to complete their set before ours. Now, we're already kinda late, and the band was still performing? Its an Australian band, no wonder. Their own people, their place, their call. The sky wasnt merciful, it started drizzling. I took the chance to quickly get our instruments tuned before it starts falling. From ears to mouth and mouth to ears, message passed quickly that MikeChiang is cutting down the orchestra for the performance. They told me that only 3 Pipa was needed, so... i thought that i'll tune their Pipas and just watch the performance, because it doesnt matter to me whether i perform or not. In the end, Geneviene told me that she'll be playing the drums for an item, so she wouldnt mind not playing. I thought that Kartika should perform because she's under NYPCO, and its her experience. As for YanJun and Angeline, i knew that they would wanna perform too. So, i gave up my seat, however... Kartika insisted that i take her place. Just in case if u dunno, there were 5 Pipa players, and the seating would be 2 to 3. The 2 infront, being Geneviene and i. Geneviene takes the principal seat because im just a guest musician. As for the 3 at the back, YanJun, Angeline and Kartika. YanJun and i were just helping out.

So, YanJun and Angeline both sat beside me during the performance. It was already drizzling heavily, the drums were all wet, but MrChiang told them to just whack it hard. MrChiang had to stand in the rain to conduct us. Angeline had a heatpad inside her sweater, by the sleeve to keep her hand warm. I was freezing, because its drizzling and the wind by the habour blew really strongly. YanJun was shivering, but the excitement from our final piece brought back warmth. By the end of the performance, i quickly kept my instrument and headed to find my bag.

My sweater was on the floor, while my bag was exposed to the rain. Despite the rain, many stayed to watch our performance by the stairs. Many were holding umbrellas, while some were busy with their camera recorders. We're glad to perform for them.

The instruments were moved back the way it was brought there. With the help of a small truck, it brought the heavier instruments to the drop off point. I stayed behind to help out which led to an horrible experience which i will never forget. We'll get to that...

Since its raining, the animals at the TarongaZoo would be hiding in their enclosures. Nobody rejected to the change of plans though i would really wish to visit the zoo. One of the reason would be the HabourBridge, which we would drive across if we were to travel by coach. If not, we'll take a ferry to TarongaZooFerryWharf. TarongaZoo is the city zoo of Sydney. It is located on the shores of SydneyHabour in Mosman. It is divided into eight zoogeographic regions with numerous indoor pavilions and outdoor exhibits, making it one of the largest of its kind. Another last reason would be for the sake of the koalas! The freaking cute koalas! My goodness!

We headed back to the hotel. The day before, we were told that there'll be a storm, so many of us heading back to the hotel to grab more clothings. Before the workshop we were walking through the winds at the city area. It was really freezing, with the cold winds blowing hard against our face and many of us were rubbing warmth out of nothing. We were tortured. In order not to allow such things to happen again, i went back to the hotel to get myself changed.

I wore less! Come on, we're going shopping instead of the zoo, and i think its alright to wear lesser because malls wont be that unreasonably cold. BondiJunction was where we're heading too. We missed out BondiBeach that day, and since we're at BondiJunction, the beach would be just a distance away. Its winter, but activities will still go on by the beach. Its running late, so i thought i'll give it a miss. At BondiBeach, people would surf and tan. Despite the winter season, many would still head to the beach for the warmth of the sun. Now, its only in such cold countries that i'll appreciate the warmth of the sun, or understand what it really is like. In Singapore, with the warmth of the sun, we're already heated like roasted nuts on concrete floor. By the corner of the beach, theres a club called BondiIcebergs. Its a winter swimming club! How cool right?

Whateva it is, the coach drove us to the mall. Its huge, nothing else but massive space. In the mall, we were greeted with many signs. They were all branded crap on discount! My eyes grew wild, franticly rolling around. Firstly, theres FCUK, which i missed at CircularQuay. However, we were following another group, and we went for dinner first. Since its impossible for me to dine at Sydney's famous seafood restaurant, Doyles, i'll have my serving of seafood at their foodcourt.

Its a huge mall, we didnt wanna get lost. We played safe by using their guide. Its a computer programme and it shows exactly how to get there by displaying a computerised directory guide. I was amazed by their technology... and it really saddens me how Singapore is like. I think Singapore is urbanised already, but to an extent that they think its enough. We found our way to the foodcourt, but we took the escalator up again because we didnt see the foodcourt. Well, i followed the shepard but i thought i saw the foodcourt. Its a huge area with tables separated out evenly, making it comfortable to the eyes even. Its bloody elegant can? Such a stylised foodcourt? Im embarrassed for Singapore. The rich use of brown and white gave it a very classy look. The stalls were grand and very well ornamented. There was Singaporean food, Japanese food and quite a huge selection ranging from sandwiches to their seafood cuisine. Many stopped by to feast their eyes on the seafood. My eyes were stapled on their freezer, staring straight at the lobsters, prawns, oysters and scallops. I was drooling for their baby octapus salad, which drew more of my attention than anything else. While many of them took their orders, i was hesitating with mine. ShaoLong, a Bass GeHu player, waited with me. I knew he wasnt sure what to order either, due to the wide selection, theres really too much to choose. I wanted everything! But if i were to have everything, i'll be broke.

Many of them were given this blue coloured machine, with an appearance of a common remote control. I was given one too when i ordered by lobster mornay. I couldnt wait, i headed back to our long table and many started chatting about their food. YiRui ordered the most expensive dish, the seafood platter, and someone else ordered the fried version. Mine started to buzz, so i walked towards the counter to recieve mine as well as ShaoLong's. If Singapore would have this system, there'll be lesser queues but more aunties stealing the device home.

Mine was served white sauce flavored with grated cheese and seasonings, of course with an additional baby octopus salad which i requested with additional AUS3. In total, my meal cost me around AUS23. GuoWei took a piece each from mine and YiRui's, while ChaiXia sat beside me, eating my salad. I could tell that she wanted my lobster badly, but since she didnt dare to ask... i kept quiet and waited for her to ask. In the end, she didnt... and i finished my lobster. I even licked up every single mornay sauce from the empty shell. She took the limb of the lobster and extracted some meat from there. Poor thing...

I forgot! I had to take a picture with my lobster mornay, so i took some used vegetables from GuoWei's meal and decorated my salad. I put some used sauce on my dish and turned the lobster shell over. Thus, creating my very own lobster mornay, only looking kinda bad. After having our meal, some sat to chat while some were eager to move on.

We were travelling in a huge group, and i thought we have to split. So, we did split! We went our own ways, only to realise that Jasmine would rather follow KaiWen and gang. I didnt care, i just needed some time to shop for myself. ChaiXia followed me, with Damien and his friend. Damien was opposing the idea of having us going alone without the company of at least 4 to 6. Well, i know things could happen, but i needed space.

We shopped, and i bought myself a sweater. After walking around, we met a few other people. I'll cut out on some of the shopping details, but i bought a shirt for Christoven and QingLun. I knew somehow that Christoven would buy me something from USA, so i thought of him while buying a shirt for QingLun, who bought me nothing! Useless jerk! Anyway, i thought it would suit him, but... on second thought now, i think its kinda ugly. How?

I followed a group of people who led me to a candy store. I bought 5 jars, but i needed more... just that my decisions were holding me back. MrChiang kept telling me not to let my decisions hold, because once we're back in Singapore, its impossible to get them anymore. Other than that, i also thought of Jwen and Evan. They're always constantly making cards and giving chocolates, so it'll be nice to get them something. YanJun told me that there's some little accessory shop, which's selling cheap. So i bought some banglets for them. Whats a banglet? I dunno what to call them, they're like bracelets. But they bang around and they make quite a lot of noise... so i call them banglets. Whateva, its kinda ugly to think of it, but nevermind... i hope they'll like it! At least i bought something back alright! Now, was it Audrey who told me to buy strawberry naugets?

We headed back to the hotel after shopping by train. We were travelling in the huge group again, we met up at the mall. Shopping at WestfieldBondi was great. In fact, its Thursday, late night shopping throughout Sydney, except for some in the CBD area. Shopping closes at 5 usually, late night shopping closes at 9! How great? Great shopping experience...

We bought our tickets, headed back to KingsCross station, which is located just beside our hotel. The tickets were expensive, made me wonder how expenses would be like in Sydney. We waited at the platform and soon, the train came. Once we entered the train, there were 2 stairs, one leading up and the other, down. We walked up, usually the direction of a curious passenger, and we took a seat on the upper cabin. Its kinda cool how the train was designed. Before choosing to sit on the upper or lower cabin, theres an area for passengers to stand. Mostly, people with their bikes, luggages or heavy bags would stand there. Kinda cool right? In Singapore, its one straight cabin. Whoeva it is, everybody would just squeeze together. Makes things easier for the terrorists right? One bomb, all die. Alright, alright, its the same for Sydney's i guess...

Its merely 2 stops, and we're at KingsCross. How sad. I wished for more stops so that i could enjoy a longer ride. I was feeling kinda uneasy at that moment. Here comes the pain! In my room, i took a seat on my bed and looked down at my feet. I closed my eyes for a moment and felt the world spinning inside. I knew then, im having a fever. Before so, ive heard of 2 person who was sent to the hospital nearby our hotel. St.VincentHospital is located just down the road, but kinda far for a sick person to walk to. They took a cab there, and i was kinda jealous that they could take a cab! I know, its unhealthy thinking. Im just joking, but im really not in the mood for a fever.

Even though im having a headache, i went exploring KingsCross with KaiWen, Koen and ShaoLong. It was dangerous, thrilling and exciting. Its my first time wandering off like that, and the thought of robbery really made the little journey more blood tingling than JamesBond. Well, there wasnt anything much than what ive read or heard before. Its just an experience real life, other than that... i wasnt quite impressed. We walked out and back our hotel, hoping not bump into any known strangers.

They asked if i would wanna go for a drink with them. Im kinda beat out already. I didnt take a shower, because i was not feeling quite well. Contradicting, isnt it? I closed my eyes and tried to take a rest. I knew it then, im in serious trouble.

MrChiang has constantly reminded me to take care of myself. He told me that if i fall sick, it'll be kinda sad because falling sick during a trip would make things uneasy for me. Its not the little clothes that i wore, but i knew it... its the rain at DarlingHabour. One leads to another... and sooner or later, i need another hand to point my fingers.

The Hotel Radio

2007-07-05T23:42:00.000+08:00

After unloading the instruments, everybody felt so high that they couldnt sleep. Some went to celebrate, while some like me chatted the night away with my new friends. Waking up the next morning felt even harder and harder.

The noisy phone rang, its the early morning call, and usually KaiYi would answer it. Its good that i dun have any weights upon my shoulder during this trip. My responsibility is to take good care of myself, as well as the Pipa section during performances. Other than that, i really have no worries because my mates are such sporting people. KaiYi, taking the role of leadership takes care of everything around, while YiRui and i just slack around... following around and nothing else. Ocassionally, we'll have KaiWen and GuoWei visiting our room, and as the days pass, more and more new visitors will appear. I'll touch of those later, but now... lets talk about breakfast.

It sucked.

After eating, we departed for Sydney Conservatorium of Music. SCM is located near the OperaHouse, in fact its merely walking distance, also for the CircularQuay. As we drove pass, i kept staring at its roof. It looked kinda Chinese, due to the walls which resembled the GreatWall. It is built in 1915, formerly known as the NewSouthWalesState Conservatorium of Music. Thats kinda long... It is one of the oldest and most prestigious music schools in Australia. Located in the Syndey Royal Botanical Gardens, the conservatorium incorporates a faculty of the University of Sydney, the community-based Conservatorium Open Academy and the Conservatorium High School. In the conservatorium, nothing really gave me the impression of a music school, other than a few posters. If NAFA would look anywhere close to it, i think i'll be so glad to come to school everyday!

Theres a steep stairway which leads to the bottom, where we would be having our exchange programme after unloading the instruments. Inside, there were enclosed areas, featuring some stone works, or some excavation site. I didnt have time to read what its about, but i could infer that its about some relics found in that area... because of some historical pictures and old ancient stones, bowls and stuff.

We moved the instruments out, except for the JianGu which was left back at the hotel. Took them all to this recital hall. Goodness, if DrKan would be having her lectures there, i dun think anybody would be sleeping. Maybe not on second thought, but... the gist is that the recital hall looked so much more like a real recital studio for performing purposes as well... unlike NAFA's which looked just like a bigger classroom. Moreover, the acoustic in that recital hall in NAFA is dry like a dead man's tongue.

We rehearsed inside, while we waited for the other group to arrive. The management told MikeChiang that we should have a change of plans. Imagine this, the exchange programme should actually be about an exchange between each culture, music and experience. However, we're mixing with some middle school orchestra, therefore... we already know their instruments, music and theres really nothing much to talk about. So, instead... we would introduce all of our instruments to them as an exchange programme. No gain for us, but well... it could spell some fun.

Indeed, it was a fun experience as we look at their astonished faces. When its my turn, im suppose to demonstrate the Pipa. I played a tune, and due to the pain in my bones, it was difficult for me to play. Ive been moving instruments, and with the pain, RuiXiang and GuoWei had to regularly remind me to take care of my hands. Well, it doesnt bother me, but i hope it didnt bother others too. Karen told me that i played very well, but i know then that its bad. The other performers demonstrated very well. Lastly, after the demonstrations with the brief history and description of the instruments from MrChiang, they were given some time to interact with us and to look at our instruments. Before that, we played a Suona piece which entertained them and some were wriggling their toes. Its that same piece Dedric played which sent many into giggles and laughters.

After the exchange programme, which finally ended, i took my bag and headed down to CircularQuay for a walk. MiYan and i were obsessed with the discount! Imagine this, almost the whole of Sydney is having 40 to 80% discount, isnt that crazy? We dropped by FCUK, and i noticed 2 pairs of shoes which cost about $45 each, after discount. Some prices were before, so i had to keep asking. Anyway, many of them wanted to go for lunch, thus we had to keep moving. During this period, everybody was trying to ditch somebody who kept following us. He is irritating in some ways, but kinda alright to me. I shall not mention his name, for its not really very nice. His name is Aaron.

Alright, he doesnt help much during the moving of the instruments. He'll aim for lighter items, which were supposed to be mine! Bitch! Sorry, its alright. But, he'll keep shouting for instruments and commanding others while he does nothing. We call him Cyclops, but later... he got promoted from eye power to mental power, being the top mutant, Xavier. Its quite a comical sketch, but... lets not be unkind to anybody.

We couldnt ditch him. Some headed for pizzas, while those who would preferred lower budget choices left for the cafe. I didnt wanna eat, because i just wanna keep moving. I tagged along with ChaiXia and gang, which ive ignored for the past few days due to certain reasons which i wouldnt wanna say. I know some of u are just waiting for me to blog about this, but well, take ur time and wait, it'll appear sooner or later.

They took a really long time to get their orders done. Next, they've to wait for their lunch to be served. I stood in the sun, waited and while enjoyed the entertainment from the seagulls. There were a couple of people feeding them. This particular scene flashed back exactly from Nemo's seagulls. They are completely similar. The setting for Nemo is Sydney, isnt it? That explains almost everything...

So, after waiting, we got moving. I told them that i would wanna visit the Botanical Garden, they didnt give a definite reply. It doesnt matter, no matter what... i'll be going there. I waited so long for them, but i got nothing in return other than a bite from XiuHua's lunch. Im not a petty person, i dun demand anything in return, and it doesnt matter really. Its just that im kinda sensitive with my thoughts which affected me through these few days. We were at the gates of the garden, and i headed in while they headed back to the conservatorium. How nice.

I took my camera out and the film started rolling... There were quite alot of people there, but mainly Australians and workers from the CBD who walked over into the gardens for a talk with their collegues or just a simple walk. Some were having picnic, having a bite while reading their papers, reading a book under a big umbrella tree or the most common sight, jogging. I cant imagine that ive seen quite a number these few days. Those people were wearing singlet, shorts and probably just a cap and they'll jog through the winter flu. Unfriendly chills, dun they ever feel them around? Im not sure, i smiled and thought... what a lifestyle.

A diversity of people, lifestyles and places in Sydney. From the corner of my eye, i couldnt ignore this huge palm tree, standing solo in midst of the peaceful garden. I walked around, hoping to dwell deeper, but time didnt stand on my side. I took whateva time i had, grabbed a few shots to feed my hunger. I was asking myself, should i walk down that steps? If i were to, i would see a variety of beautiful faunas as well as a comely pond, with a fountain. Ive seen pictures of it before, but well... i didnt have to time to go down there. Just beside it, there'll be a handsome view of the sea, and over it, it'll be MosmansBay and AtholBay. The Royal Botanical Gardens in Sydney is the largest of three major botanical gardens open to the public in Sydney. The park, managed by the same trust as TheDomain adjoining it, is free to access and open every day of the year.

My phone alarmed me. I took a short run out of the garden and headed back to the conservatorium. Though im punctual, im actually early. I sat at the cafe, isolating myself from the crowd inside, took a look at my photos and sorted them clearly. My phone memory was kinda limited due to my storage of songs. So, i had to delete almost all of them, leaving only one last song, by Seal, to accompany my lonely moments. I deleted some photos i took from the OperaHouse, because they looked somewhat similar to others. But well, many people came to me, asked about my pictures and sat with me on the table.

We took a ride out of the conservatorium and headed out to the University of NewSouthWales. I didnt think anybody knew that when we were about to enter UNSW, there was this stretch of houses. 2 Singaporeans were murdered there back then. How sad? See what discrimination can do? Im not sure what happened, but anyway... theres another one involving the murdering of this guy's Asian classmates. Whateva it is, its kinda disturbing.

We alighted, took a walk down the street with a guide. She told us that she'll keep us moving and will try to get us warm. I thought we'll be moving literally as in walking round the whole campus. Who knows, we were seated into this lecture room and we stayed in there for almost an hour plus. I sat at the back, with MiYan, MrChiang and GuoWei. We were mumbling away because directly behind us was cakes and refreshments. The smell was luring us away...

Lecturers slowly came over and took over the class. They started promoting their school, and when i took a peek into the book they provided us with, i was stunned with the price. Its really expensive! I would rather go rob a bank and kill myself. Whateva it is, there was this lecturer, being the head of engineering, he literally gave a whole lecture on his course and what we would learn. My goodness? I was sitting there, listening to his mechanics, science theories and many other junks. Please, i really need somebody to release the shackle on my feet.

Finally, we were released. Many woke up from their nap and headed to the back for their food. I was one of the first to pick the best out of the many choices. After eating, we were sent back to the carpark, and we'll be heading back to the conservatorium for our workshop.

We waited for a long time, because there was another group in the recital hall. Our workshop was conducted by DavidRamadanoff. Out of the 7 from the guest faculty for the festival, ive read their biographies and i found DavidRamadanoff's most impressive. He pursued his studies as a doctoral candidate at JuilliardSchool from 1972 to 1975, where he also taught conducting. In 1975, SeijiOzawa appointed him as AssistantConductor of the SanFranciscoSymphony. In 1977, EdoDeWaart promoted him to Associate. He was the director of the OnleySymphony in Philadelphia, assistant conductor for the SyracuseSymphony, conductor of the YoungPeoplesSymphonyOrchestra in Berkely, the nations oldest youth orchestra, which has grown considerably since his appointment in 1988.

I must admit, i dunno a single crap from his biography, but it looked like something. Anyway, he stood tall and sturdy, and he reminded me deeply of Saruman. He looked like him, and he talked like him. Now, imagine his cool deep voice, that'll be similar to DavidRamadanoff's. I personally liked his attitude and professionalism. By right, the workshop would consist of the judge, conducting and giving advices to the orchestra. Being ignorant to our music, DavidRamadanoff was humble with his comments and told us how much he loved our music. He said that it touched him and amazed him that night at the cathedral. As for me, i felt warmth in my heart as he spoke. His words carried much sincerity, not enough to be in doubt, and he refused to conduct us though MrChiang invited him on the podium. So, we played a few pieces for him, and he looked at the scores while enjoying our performance. He mentioned twice that he would love to have us to visit him in USA, where we'll have an exchange with his orchestra. Thats really a priviledge to hear from a maestro himself.

After packing up, in the coach, MrChiang told me that theres more than USA, we might have a chance to perform somewhere bigger. I think this opportunity to perform at the festival opened many doors for us. Im happy for them. Ive helped NYPCO for already 4 years, and its just like a blink of an eye. Another joyous night to remember and to celebrate for. I wanted to take a picture with DavidRamadanoff, but had to little courage to.

Back in the hotel, things went wild. Im glad i wont need to wear the green CO polo shirt anymore. Ive worn it twice without washing already. First, during the flight and second, during the workshop. Our room was filled with many guests from other levels. As for me, my heart was tired and listening. I stared into my messy luggage, trying to find a piece of mind. Felt the flowing water from the shower running down my cheeks. Found a warm spot within my layers of blanket. Above me, stood a spoilt lamp. Its light flickered almost everytime when i move. Irritating as it already is, i closed my eyes and remembered home. I was thinking whether to call home, i could imagine Mom trying to contact me. I stared into my phone, and found an empty white spot. It lingered in my eyes... and swam in my head. I covered myself, and walked into dreamland.

The Rise Of The Family

2007-07-05T13:08:00.000+08:00

Breakfast was as usual. This time, being the second time, and of course being the smarter me, avoided sausages and bacon stripes. Why? Because they just taste too good. Theres no reason for me to go on a diet... but i really had to avoid them. Again, for those who missed my first 2 entries on this Sydney trip, please turn back now... its still not too late.

Rehearsal wasnt as tight as before. Im not sure if they knew, but i realised that the first run through was perfect. Nothing is perfect, so... almost. I found it the best performance so far, but well everybody didnt seem to react to their own performance. I might be too sensitive, so i just sat on my seat... listening to MikeChiang's comments. The rehearsal lasted till lunch, which was most dreadful. I thought of staying at the hotel to just eat whateva cockroaches i can find, but too bad... its a rule, ive to follow them to lunch.

Its hell again, with its mistress' malicious cooking. We took our seats, but this time we're relieved that it was MrChiang who spefically told them what to cook. Im kinda happy that they're only 3 dishes this time though, however, thats so much better than 5 dishes of imp food. Sadly, as much to my expectation, the food tasted like it would, or it should. For those who would wanna know where its located, i'll explain it to u. U see, from CrestHotel, by crossing diagonally by the right side, we'll be at Coles, and by walking straight by the road, u'll see this nice looking Chinese restaurant. The location of this restaurant makes it so romantic at night, with a beautiful city view through the skyscrapers. But sadly, its really some horrible shit cooking.

After suffering through lunch, MrChiang told the students to go get some food. He understood how we felt, and he was willing to sacrifice the next rehearsal's time for us to go get a bite elsewhere. He complained to the management, and Karen, one of the teacher in charge was disturbed too by the good food that they're providing us with. Its our adjudication day, and being fed with dog food really shouldnt be the way. Anyway, it doesnt matter much, because we're all fine people. I know, it doesnt make any sense. Pretend it does, it'll make better sense. I know it still doesnt. It will, though.

Its time for departure for SydneyTownHall. Remember my first day at Sydney? I went walking around, through Sussex Street, down George Street? That was then when i stumble across this 2 beautiful historical building, one being St.Andrew Cathedral and another being SydneyTownHall. The hall is actually part of the cathedral, so i didnt realise that we're heading for that same building i saw 2 days before.

All the guys pulled up their sleeves and prepared themselves to move a huge amount of heavy instruments down the hotel to the main road. The girls were just walking around, forming chat groups as well as carrying their little instruments. But, they were told to, so... Anyway, i was afraid that i'll stress my fingers too much, so i made sure that i dun carry any heavy instruments all by myself. I helped out mostly with the drums and i left the GeHu with the other stronger guys to carry. The most troublesome drum would by the JianGu, which is physically related to the Japanese TaikoDrums. We had to move it down the hotel by lift separately with its stand, because its too tall. It takes around 4 guys to each carry the JianGu by its side to move it. As for the stand, it has wheels.

It was through the moving of instruments that i got to know more guys. KaiWen and GuoWei became the few out of the guys who i talked to most. Its late in the afternoon, and the first bus left first, being mainly the girls. Its kinda not organised, since the truck left first, the guys should leave with the first bus instead of the girls, because we'll be responsible for shifting the instruments out of the truck. The girls should have waited for the second bus which took quite some time to arrive.

We were there, with Janette, the second teacher in charge, bubbly and spoke with clear diction, troubled with the driver where to allow us to alight. There was MrPringles who kept wanting us to alight at Bathurst Street. In the end, we did alight there, but had to walk 2 blocks down. Its not as far as Janette thought it was, so it was alright.

While walking through the cathedral, i was subdued by its clarity. Its walls were all so well designed. Ive noticed that im just standing at where i was a few days ago, and walking into the town hall made me more excited. Firstly, the sight of those pillars was just awesome. Walking into the lobby brought back memories of old movies. My ears were greeted with music, which was unclear then... but sounded like church music. If its at night, im sure Dracula would appear somewhere later.

The insides were just another feast to the eyes. I couldnt resist, i had to let my camera free. I snapped many shots of its ceilings, which were all so detailed. There was this huge ballroom kinda lighting hung from the ceiling. I cant recall what they're called, but well... u can imagine it, right? I thought that the music was produced through some speakers, but later... i got to realise that its actually anothe group on stage having their sound check. Goodness, they sounded so good! Its SembawangWindOrchestra, which is one of the 3 groups from Singapore. The second would be ACJSBand. Familiar? Its my primary school band! I noticed them on the first night of the performance at the OperaHouse. I even had the chance to speak to the principal, PeterTan. He took the position as the principal in year 2000, which was my last year, so... im not really close with him. We exchanged our regards and left the OperaHouse, nothing else. SembawangWindOrchestra sounded good, and i loved their performance that night. They were the last group to perform, which woke me up from my slumber. I liked the Saxophone piece, though many would think of it as some cheap piece. Overall, i liked them.

In the MarconiRoom, we stored our instruments, took some time to go to the restroom or to take some pictures around. We entered the cathedral hall, and moved the heavy instruments out of the cargo lift. I was stunned by the graceful appearance of the hall. Theres huge space for the sound to travel. The charming design took over me while i occupied myself with extreme photo taking. Divine, thats how the organ looked, theres really nothing to compare to the OperaHouse even. I think any of those in Singapore would be just too immature to even stand with them. I was so affected with the acoustic, how elegantly the sound embraces the listeners.

We took our seats and watched the next sound check, by ShangHaiAmericanMiddleSchoolOrchestra. Yes, its the SAMSO, which would be having an exchange programme with us at the Sydney Conservatorium of Music, SCM. Anyway, they were shocking. Not really in a good way, but the conductress shook really hard like those ive seen in the hospital during one of my visits back then. I really had no idea what she was doing, but i knew... i dun think she was trained properly. Im really glad that nobody from NYPCO burst out of laughter, though i knew that most would gladly do so if they're allowed to. Disciplined, thats what i think.

Dinner was provided, and again... its some Chinese food. We're kinda bored of Chinese food already. Imagine, ur in Australia but still eating Chinese food, what the hell? Whats the purpose of that? By the way, its already the third day, and eating Chinese food again really embedded this bad impression on cuisines in Australia. Seriously, i think the food in Australia really doesnt attract me at all. Ive heard from David and gang that their Chinese food in Chinatown really sucked badly. Though our dinner tasted really good to me, probably due to the torture chamber where we had our lunch, my tastebuds were all working strangely. Abnormal buds like those would taste good for anything other than those from that hell restaurant. SembawangWindOrchestra entered the MarconiRoom, started blowing away... and thats when i met Natalie. She was surprised to see me, but ive seen her on the first night performing, so its kinda alright. She looked so much better after graduating.

They were going to have their rehearsal, so they chased everybody out of the MarconiRoom. Now, thats something really unorganised on their part as organisers of this festival. Im talking about the WorldProjects, the organisation for this festival. When its our turn, the chairs were not arranged properly. But, we cant blame them... because we're the first Chinese orchestra ever to attend their festival, therefore... they were all ignorant to our unique arrangement. However, thats not the problem. When our time started running, we found instrument cases, bags, shoes and other belongings amongst our seats. They belonged to another band group who came to claim them slowly. They took our their cases and disassemble their Clarinets and stuff infront of us, which they could just take it to some corner to fix. MrChiang was very polite, he stood there quietly and stared at the students, with a smile of course! We waited for really long, and started tuning. We were relaxed as hell, as for me... im alright because the Pipas were all tuned already and ive nothing else to worry. Thats my duty, and nothing more but to play my best of course.

Absolutely, theres always wierd problems arising at critical moments. The LiuQins were horribly out of tune when we're having our sound check previously. MrChiang asked if i could fix it, but well... i analysed the problem and found it quite impossible to fix, thus we had no choice but to let the weaker players play that LiuQin. Moreover, almost all the LiuQins are... really badly out of tune. Its just abit to their ears, but really sensitive to mine.

We moved backstage, where we got ourselves ready to move on stage after another band. I heard from MrChiang that the SembawangWindOrchestra was giving some bad attitude to NYPCO. Well, im sure this kinda things are always happening all the time. Australians are known to discriminate Asians, and if our own people are discriminating each other, whats left in this world for us? Before doing on stage, Geneviene dropped her Pipa. That drop flashed back memories of my own mistakes. It dropped hard on the carpeted floor. I dropped a Pipa once on a carpeted floor too, it broke. But Geneviene was really fortunate, it was still intact. MrChiang was really worried, and he looked down from the stairs above. I was relaxed, trying to calm down Geneviene though she didnt cry or anything. I put my Pipa down on the floor, picked up the dropped Pipa and tuned it. It was perfectly fine. Well, it was an accident because she was helping KaiWen to carry his ErHu while he was moving the YangQins.

A shock, but a really relaxed performance. On stage, the crowd applauded while we tuned our instruments. When the lights were on us, its show time! Our last piece knocked the whole cathedral down and immediately the cheers from the audience went shooting around like rockets and fireworks. For the first time in my life, ive had a standing ovation. The enthusiastic public reception was really worth to die for. The loud and prolonged applause kept us standing for a long time while MrChiang had to bow again and over again. From the audience, i knew... we were the best group, no doubt.

Im not siding anybody or stuff, but its really hard to believe that we've done it. Its completely a different heavenly feel. Its no more those happiness when u cut ur cake or recieve ur good grades. Its literally a floating joy, just pure bliss. Backstage, while keeping our instruments, everybody started chirping incessantly about the performance. I was wild as a hot dog inside, but kept myself calm and asked if they're happy. Well, it shouldnt be such a childish joy to me, because i gotta get used to this kinda scenes. MrChiang didnt look abit bothered, and he ordered everybody to quickly pack up and get ready to watch the performance, as well as some of the guys to get ready to keep the heavy instruments back into the truck.

I didnt feel like watching the rest of the adjudication, so i moved the instruments. Our old EVCO member, Brandon came to watch us... After moving back to CrestHotel, its supper time! Its time for a wild celebration. Before this day, on our second night, a few of us celebrated by drinking red wine at MrChiang's room. He bought a bottle for us to share. As for me, i didnt bring my glass because... u know, im not a drinker. We stayed in his room, chatted till late. We talked about many things, discussed many things, heard many secrets and shared many experiences. Its a good night which led to this good day. At night, Brandon brought us out to Sydney's must try pancakes. Its Pancakes on the Rock!

His car looked... pathetic, but well... its still driving fast! He had to drive 4 times to fetch us all there. We waited till the last to leave, being MrChiang, 2 more others and i. Brandon was born in HongKong, he migrated to Singapore, and is currently working and studying in Sydney. Great life, isnt it? I wish for myself to have a normal life like that, but well... theres too much to sacrifice.

Pancakes werent my favourite, u know. So, i ordered a bad one. It turned out that ChaiXia's order was so much better. They had chocolate pancakes! I was about to faint when i realise that they really do have a unique variety of different pancake stuff. Well, im gonna open one in Singapore!

Sitting on the long table really aint quite a good position for everybody to talk together. So, i only talked to people around me, because i chose the most corner seat. GuoWei, ChaiXia, Jasmine and XiuHua became my chatting group that night. Its then that we came up with a series of really chidish name calling games. Im known as XiuHua's husband, being GuoWei's Dad. ChaiXia became my second wife, and Jasmine being the maid. And by the way, XiuHua has powdered milk while ChaiXia's is yogurt.

This game continued for the rest of the journey in Sydney, and it extended with the help of KaiYi and gang. Anyway, after eating... we walked to the habour side to enjoy a scenic view of the HabourBridge as well a the OperaHouse. We then started talking photos, but i was starting to freeze then. I was wearing just a shirt and a pants. Imagine, no jackets! And a pair of slippers. Not exactly ur winter wear, i know, but i didnt expect myself to start freezing because it felt really fine at first. Why isit so cold? Because we were at the habour, wind there blows mercilessly.

YanJun, MiYan, MrChiang and i were the first to be driven back to the hotel. Thanks to Brandon for the night out, and i returned quickly to my room. Took a shower and headed to bed fast. When YiRui and KaiYi returns, the game went on. Jasmine, the maid was named AhFongLongSong while YiRui, innocently became the male servant, AhBongLongSong. I know, the names are ridiculous. Its really stupid! Im too lazy to wait for the rest to happen, let me just tell u now, KaiYi became grandpa, my father and my grandmother was LiYi, quite a horrible choice. What a sad family!

The night grows deeper and deeper. Its not as noisy as the weekends, but music from BadaBing knocks hard on our window. Ocassionally, we'll heard sirens, either from the police of the firefighters, but well... it makes me wonder, how peaceful it is in Singapore.

Room 515

2007-07-04T00:40:00.001+08:00

Sleeping was a big problem on the first night. Though i slept pretty well in the OperaHouse, my excitement at night kept me even more alive. I stood up, looked out the window, and wondered how life is out there at night. If u didnt read my previous entry, u might be missing out quite a huge deal, so just turn back now. KingsCross, thats where we're living, and as u might already know, its the notorious area in Sydney, as the location of the red light district. Whats that? Go find a wall, knock ur head against it.

Waking up wasnt a problem. However, showering was. Its winter, and if u really wanna shower in cold water, please go ahead. I turned on the hot water almost to its max, but the water literally just flowed out. Such a depressing shower! Thanks to my phone, i had great songs to accompany my sad showering moments. Wore kinda little because we'll be staying in the hotel for the entire day. There'll be 3 rehearsal sessions in total, with 2 breaks, being lunch and dinner respectively.

How cool.

Morning rehearsals are usually bad. I took my Pipa out from its wrapped up boxes. The Pipa was bubblewrapped so tightly. I had to slowly take the bubblewrap out, because they wanna store the wraps at a corner for later use. It aint my character to slowly tear or untie something. I would had preferred to just claw it all off. Doesnt matter, we took the Pipas out, and checked our instruments.

After getting ready and tuned, MikeChiang gave a small talk. The first run was kinda fine surprisingly. Im amazed at NYPCO's ability to be able to capture quite abit of the feeling at the first go. Usually, orchestras like this would have to warm up first and stuff. Honestly, after listening to NYPCO so many times, i must admit that ive seen it grow from nothing to everything. Its really good, and quote me, for that its the best throughout the polys.

MrChiang had to stop over and over for the GeHus, who were still getting used to the instruments, because they practiced with Cellos instead when we're in Singapore. Because, the GeHus were required to be sent to Australia first for checking. So, without their instruments, the Cello came in as a substitute. As for me, i sat there... trying to stay awake. Its merely the first rehearsal in the morning, but i think i might need to warm myself up first.

Did i mention breakfast? Its the best! Imagine this... porridge, scrambled egg, tomatoes, baked beans, beef and lamb sausages, bacons and harshbrowns. So many items? Theres more... miso soup, SzeChuan vegetables, orange and apple juice, cornflakes, milk and a wide selection of bread. Alright, is that ur usual breakfast buffet? No. Honestly, its really quite alot of food to choose from. However, theres really quite a headache which to choose because... they're all tasteless and disgusting! We heard that the cook was the same person who worked at the reception, as the security guard and the technician. Its an all in one job! Where can u find that? So, the only thing which kept me going was just baked beans, which wouldnt taste any worse than the others because its canned food, and scrambled eggs because... eggs taste about the same all over the world. Apple juice was like a stapled drink, i had to have it every morning, even in Singapore.

I was expecting good food for lunch. Well, i think u have the prescience of what im trying to say about lunch. Yes, its bad! How bad? So bad that i would rather eat anything that falls off my mates' ass crack. Now, its a Chinese restaurant nearby, and i wouldnt wanna name it because it'll be so bad to ruin their reputation. They're already destroying themselves with every dish served, and honestly... those 5 dishes were the most horrible 5 in my entire life. Chinese food in Australia aint bad, we had better ones on our first night, though many complained about the generous amount of salt. The first dish was already there when we arrived, its like this washing basin, filled with some wierd looking water.

Its soup! I had my first sip, and it became my last. Its disgusting! I really felt like puking infront of the lady boss. The whole entire orchestra was suffering under her horrible cooking. MrChiang worked as a chef once, and he shook his head throughout the dinner. The food was freaking horrible! How many times must i repeat myself? Its freaking horrible! All 5 dishes were tasteless but just salty!

After leaving all the food to dry, its time to go. The lady boss then asked for comments to help improve our time there. At that moment, i was shocked for my life. I could infer that we'll be dining there for at least another time. Right, its dinner. We'll be eating those horrible junk for dinner! Great!

The complaints went shooting about, and everybody directed it to the tour agency. The agent didnt know what to do... so he tried explaining about the budget. Good job man, MrPringles. His appearance doesnt vary much from the Pringle's icon. It became his name since i started calling him that at the airport. I wonder if he knows...

After eating, and some left shocked that they'll be eating at that horrible restaurant, we left for Coles. Its like Singapore's NTUC, only lesser people around. I didnt buy anything, so i headed back to the hotel. We held our practices at the hotel's function room. When the drums strike, the hotel will shake. There once even once that one of the lights went out after the quake.

The second practice was alright, but the third wasnt. After dinner, many of us went to buy ourselves a proper dinner. That Chinese restaurant is the 19th level of hell. Well, we thought that'll be the last of it. Who knows... we'll be eating there for at least 3 more times. Heavenly, isnt it? The third rehearsal was really a blew off for MrChiang. The ErHus werent concentrating, and they kept plucking wrongly. I couldnt understand why, but well... i guess we were all tired from the intense practices. MrChiang was ticked off, but he understood. He told us that rehearsal ends there, but everybody thought that he was angry thats why. The funny thing was that, everybody kept quiet, looked at him and kept holding on to their instruments. I was sitting there, waiting for somebody to move first so i can keep my instruments and head back to bed!

The third day in Sydney would be our most important day for the whole trip. Our purpose for these years of preparation now falls on this very day. There were some who couldnt sleep, and there were others who just wanna have fun.

We travelled in groups when we're out of the hotel at night. The reason is very simple, its for the girls' safety, as well as to ensure that we dun get outnumbered by hookers. We took a walk down Darlinghurst Street, heading towards McDonalds where some of the girls wanted to grab a bite. As for me, i went for the Burritos over the street. While walking there, there were many bouncers who stood outside the stripclubs, calling for customers. I was an ocassion victim, getting pulled in, but i resisted and walked on. How intrepid! Im a brave boy.

Food is slightly more expensive, and on top of it, the currency difference adds onto the pain. I took my food back to bed, and found myself complaining about the spinach pie, but loving the Burrito. Even as im blogging, im really craving for one now... im glad i can remember its taste. The power of imagination shall now act upon my tastebuds!

KaiYi and YiRui bought many things from Coles, from chips to orange juice. I bought nothing, and didnt share any of their items too. They paid $5 each for all those stuff, which was kinda alright. So, they opened up one of the chips and started sharing it around with Geneviene and gang. Geneviene is my desk partner. She sits beside me, as the principal seat because she is a member of NYPCO. Im merely a guest, so i sit beside her. There were 5 Pipa players, sitting 2 infront with 3 at the back. Shes a bubble blitheful girl, always cracking jokes and not afraid to talk. Being the vocal her, im always entertained with her questions and her jokes. Theres very often little time when i'll crack a joke. With NYPCO, im usually quiet, with opened ears, listening to their busy chatting channels. Its a massive network, and its a really huge family.

NYPCO has many character and their traits. Im amazed that they're so united and it was hard for me to fit in at first. Slowly, through the second night, im beginning to feel more accepted into the family. Moreover, im getting more familiar with KaiYi and gang. Another priceless thing from this trip ive benefited is certainly friendship.

Woolloomooloo

2007-07-02T18:51:00.000+08:00

Before flying, i had fun with QingLun, who kept his promises. No! Only half of it. He came over to my house, and Dedric too... on different days. They both came over to watch some movies. QingLun, remember to keep ur promise!

I just realised that my previous post was empty. Well, guess what? Im back! Im so glad to be back. Obviously not... because ive to suffer such great weather in Singapore. Honestly, ive really planned a whole summary of the trip, just that my head is kinda spinning now... due to the heat, and some other issues which u will learn of later, and so... im gonna just do this briefly like i always do. Smile.

I packed my luggages, though still wondering whether to bring my duck along. Well, i thought that he wont like it in Sydney. I was surprised though at the airport that many people brought along their teddies. I should have brought my duck! Damn it! But they were all mostly girls. Alright, they were indeed all girls! Good that i didnt bring. Bless me.

It was a pleasant flight to Sydney. Looking out towards the window so far away, im only troubled with blessings that i feel that i do not deserve. Before flying, i took the initiative to call each and everyone of them. My grandparents, the only 2 old couple i love the most, the most important call ive to make. I even had time to prank call SiHan, who was foolish enough to fall for it. Another would be QingLun, who was smarter, he was playing his computer games at that moment... Lastly, the must call, the call that i'll feel most worried to make, a call back to Mom to tell her that i'll be flying. I can understand how shes feeling... and i really have to thank her for all these years of trust. Of course, for her support financially too. Sometimes, these feelings are just hidden in the walls of ur heart, theres no need to express it out, u know and i know, and thats for just us to remember.

The city lights faded into the silent night. The sound of the craft echoed in my ears, while my head started spinning with thoughts about my dear Sydney. Well, somehow... i felt like ive been there before, though honestly, its my first time flying over to Australia. I can already imagine the streets, the attractions, the sun and the clear picturesque image of Sydney. My research before flying always leave me more space to expect, and even more to surprise myself with.

I listened to music from my handphone, while keeping it in flight mode. Ive intended to keep it that way for the rest of the trip, to avoid unnecessary calls or messages. Soon, its breakfast. The food was... as usual, airplane's standard. But, i had 2 portions, so i was satisfied. Well, the flight was smooth, and we arrived in Sydney shortly.

We're safe in Sydney, and have already been warned of the chill outside. I was wearing shorts, to keep myself comfortable during the flight, and slippers. So, i got into the restroom to get myself changed.

Australians are generally more friendly. This is questionable, because their casual greetings are already so friendly, unlike Singaporeans'. Somehow, i still think that Singaporeans' style of service is more fullsome. So, while getting my passport stamped, the guy was talking to me casually... asking questions which i really dun have to mood to play along with.

It took quite awhile for everybody to get ready with their luggages. Otherwise, its the heavy instruments which we've to tend to also. After gathering together, everybody was so excited, though i could only smell curiosity. I walked out of the airport. I closed my eyes slowly. I smiled.
I was greeted with the bright sun, with the chilling winter air. It was heaven! I got onto the coach, took the front seat and prepared to be dazzled. We moved to the hotel, which is located at Darlinghurst Street. CrestHotel, is situated at a convenient spot, between the busy nightlife and the peaceful residential area. Moreover, the train station is just beside the entrance. If i were to visit Sydney again, i'll stay around there, but not at CrestHotel. There are many backpacker's accomodation which provides shelter and food at a reasonable cost.

On our way to the hotel, i see many trees, stripped bare though not very tall. The roads were complex. Buildings in Singapore are growing vertically, however in Sydney, buildings spread across vastly and theres always a clear horizon. I just cant use the right words to describe its contours.

Our first stop was the hotel, where we left our heavy luggages at the lobby, while they get our rooms prepared. Next, we were sent to the destination where we most desired to be. The journey felt familiar, and once the driver touches on the history of Australia, it came to me that we're at MrsMacquarie'sChair. Its like a garden, or a park... which lies just opposite the SydneyOperaHouse, across the sea. MrsMacquarie'sChair is the only place where its possible to get the best view of the OperaHouse and the SydneyHabourBridge together in one single shot. The view was beyond my expectations. It was just too awesome! The wind was howling strong, blowing against our ears while many crowd along the edge to grab the best shot. I was just mingling around with my friends, getting a shot from my phone and from their cameras. Its kinda sad that ive only have my 3.2 megapixel camera phone, while others carry their digital cameras. No envy, they took some nice closeups for me. Before dropping at where we were, we drove past the ArtGallery of NewSouthWales. It is the leading museum of art in NSW and Sydney, and one of Australia's foremost cultural institutions. It looked old with many famous names carved outside its walls. It holds significant collections of Australian, European and Asian art. Its the kinda thing that attracts my nose...

The next stop was breathtaking, as the drive drove us through the city and to the bottom of the HabourBridge. It was a feast for the eye! I gazed upon the skyscrapers and worked my eyes through the streets, trying to remember the directions of a few stops which attracted my attention. There was the SydneyModernArtMuseum and of course... the area where the driver mentioned the location of Sydney's oldest bar. The whole stretch looked fantastic. The diverse architecture style fascinates me the most. Im intrigued by the modern designs as well as the grand baroque styles.

The stretches across the sea, linking towards NeutralBay. There, we took some really nice shots of the OperaHouse again and of course, the bridge itself. Though we're under it, the view certainly doesnt lose much to a bird's eye view. At the other end, which shouldnt be ignored, was the LunaPark. Its Syndey's only theme park, but it didnt stay on my list for long. There was more awaiting for us!

At these few stops, with my excitement, i felt kinda pulled down by my friends who were showing obviously great enthusiasm. I sat alone for awhile and thought about it... its my holiday, and im not here to entertain anybody but myself. So, i plucked my courage and left my friends. At Paddy'sMarket, which is located at Chinatown, i went on solo. The Paddy'sMarket is one of Sydney's major suppliers to the tourist with cheap stuff, ranging from clothings to homewares. I wasnt interested with anything in there at all, everything looked too common to my eyes. Come on, the clothings are selling at Bugis for cheaper prices! So, whats the point shopping there when we can get it at Bugis? I couldnt wait to get out.

I left, crossed the road and found myself at the heart of Chinatown. Exploring aint something which im always busy with, because theres nothing to explore in Singapore. Im urged to feed to my curiosity with the fresh new environment around me. Sussex Street led me further down till theres nothing Chinese left, which brought me somewhere more addictive. George Street leaves me no memory of shopping experience there. Till now, i'll still remember that street, because when we're shown around, i saw many outlets, shopping arcades and centres flashing their sales discounts! I walked all the way down George Street till i found a handsome and bold historical building. I had no idea what it was called then, but later found out that its St.Andrew's Cathedral, which is situated beside SydneyTownHall, where we'll be having our adjudication on our third day. The cathedral is the church of the Anglican diocese of Sydney, and the seat of the Anglican archbishop of Sydney and Metropolitan of NSW. Its consecrated in 1868, making it the oldest cathedral in Australia. It was perfect! A fine example of historical influences from European architecture styles. I ran across the road to take a picture with the view of QueenVictoria statue and the conical structures of the cathedral.

Walking back, and down the limb of Bathurst Street, i was clueless that im walking towards DarlingHabour already. From afar, i could already see the Chinese roofs of the Chinese Garden. The view of DarlingWalk was fantastic. Its the first place where i could really sit down to enjoy the seagulls. Did i not mention? In Singapore, there are crows. Big black crows, yes. However, in Sydney, they have seagulls. Big white seagulls, and yes they're noisy too. But look at the difference! By the way, its kinda obvious why there are seagulls, right? No need for further explanations, i'll move on. They are webbed foot and they walked funny. Dun tell me u dunno that seagulls are webbed footed? Alright, go read ur primary school science book!

So, while walking towards the Chinese Garden, i couldnt resist but to stop to watch the seagulls at play. Its required of an entrance fee for the garden, which stopped me from entering. No point for me to pay for something so Asian in Australia. I noticed some pigeons resting on the pagoda stones. The pigeons were sleeping, lethargic during winter i guess, and somehow much fatter than those in Singapore. Cuddling together, how cute?

There were signs of drizzle. I walked back to Chinatown to get some abalones for my grandparents. It was cheaper than Singapore, selling at AUS85 for 3 cans. Thats merely SGD36 or more per can. Its the first item i bought, and its already a freaking AUS180 plus in total. They are many HongKong people working there, because i heard many speaking in familiar tongues. Well, even those from China speaks good English. Shame on those in Singapore! Anyway, they're really cut out for business. The way they speak, the way they promote their items... its really professional. A weak heart like me really needs my Mom around to save me from those wicked tongues. So... i bought it all.

Everybody who saw my plastic bag would ask what i bought. Abalone would be my answer, and they'll be shocked... which comes with some laughter. I sat at the McDonalds, and watched how the seagulls and some cranes invades the customers sitting outdoors. Its scary! But definitely more glamorous than those in Singapore.

Had dinner at Chinatown. Chinese cuisine in Australia aint that bad too... In fact, theres about an Asian among 3 Australians. I think thats about the ratio, not exact obviously. So, it was on this dining table that i got to know more faces and learn more names. Koen, a Flute player i met earlier on the plane, because he was sitting infront of me, suffering a few of my kicks and nudges. He reminds me of Raymond.

Had our fills, while others had their fun. MikeChiang told us once that somebody played games over dinner and resulted in hospitalising one of the students due to overeating. We boarded the coach, and it brought us over to the OperaHouse. Its in the evening only, but its already as dark as night. The view as we were nearing was fantastic. The bridge was lit up, though not highlighting the whole structure, it weighs down the purpose of the HabourBridge as lesser of a major attraction though it already is. LunaPark however was glowing from afar. I took out my camera, deleted a song to give more allowance to the already limited memory space.

I couldnt wait, i ran up the broad stretch of stairs. I got closer to the arches, took a few shots, which featured the detailed texture of the tiles, the special effects of the lightings and the casting of the shadows. Its probably the largest attraction of Sydney, which gracefully sits at the sea. The idea of Sydney being a location near sea, it inspired Danish architect, JornUtzon, to design the OperaHouse and made the HabourBridge a necessity. It also carved out many the many little bays, as well as providing the sand to several beaches. And since Australians love their sea so much, the city has grown in all directions on its shores. I heard that the design of the OperaHouse was actually a competition. Well, anyway, after 14 years of construction, the structure was completed and officially opened in 1973.

We took our tickets and entered the OperaHouse. The concert hall reminded me strongly of our very own Esplanade. Well, its obvious that the Esplanade has many of her concepts taken from the OperaHouse. We took our seats, looked around and tried to fight the temptation to take photographs. U know, its the general rule that one should not take pictures in a concert hall and stuff. Im not sure about the rights and stuff, but the other groups were busy snapping away, even their very own Australian dudes. What to do?

Before the opening of the festival, there were many wierd objects on stage. There was a drumset, followed by a series of steel instruments, gold coloured. The curiosity almost killed me, but when the musicians stepped on stage, judging from their mallets, i can kinda imagine the sound it'll produce. The bottom of the steel instruments are dented into different sizes, which should produce different pitch. Thus, its just steel percussive pitched instruments. The bigger it gets, the lower it goes. Simple as that! The TorontoAllStarsSteelOrchestra is a youth orchestra, formed in 2000, and it has grown to become one of the most exciting musical ensembles in the city of Toronto, Canada. SalmonCupid is the musical director, leading the orchestra on the drumset. Steelpan players are energetic and enthusiastic. Their first performance shook up the whole atmosphere. The crowd started cheering, however, there's always a limit to how long a certain mood can maintain. Their pieces are generally around there, ranging from pop to repetitive stuff... with heavy body language and rhythmic grooves. The orchestra with the strength of 20 started off the concert.

TeachersChoirFromJin was set up in 1997, with the objective or enriching spare time and the spreading of enjoyment of music among teachers and the community. They posed some intonation problems, though it didnt bother me much. I was too tired after alighting the plane, walking about and touring the city, that i fell asleep till their last piece of music. The solo Soprano part woke me up. Well, its kinda beautiful, i loved it.

In between, there were several bands which were really bland for my taste. Both were Australian bands. Surprisingly, it has quite a good introduction, which hangs a cloud above their sound if ur there. I think they sounded bad. However, to end off the night, its SembawangWindOrchestra, which rose out of the fog created by the past few bands. They blew us off with their performance, and i specially enjoyed the Saxophone piece. While trying to stay awake, i realised... its Natalie on the Oboe!

After watching the concert, we headed back to bus. On the way, i took a shot of the OperaCafe with the OperaHouse. Its a masterpiece. If any of u wanna see it, just ask, i'll consider sending...

KingsCross, its kinda nearby. The ride back to the hotel wasnt long. MrChiang was discussing about the concert, and he told us that we'll be alright. As for myself, i think its a relief.

The keys were given out, and i'll be sleeping in the same room with YiRui and KaiYi. Im sure u guys wont know who they are. YiRui and KaiYi are Suona players. Meaning, i seldom mix with them, i dun really know them very well and of course, theres room for interaction. YiRui, being more quiet was balanced with a slightly more vocal KaiYi. This 2 jokers bring joy every night to my dreamland. I think i wanna thank them for being such good mates. And of course to our friendly neighbouring mates, GuoWei, KaiWen and Raymond.

I hate to shower because of the slow running water. Made myself comfortable in bed, tucked myself in, while looking out the window... disturbed by the noise outside. Did i mention? CrestHotel is located at the RedLightDistrict. For those who are underage, u might not know what that is... but let me explain briefly. It has stripclubs, hookers, adult toyshops and other unhealthy sex stuff. Was that too much? I guess not.

Its a weekend night, the music were pumping loud, and the some drunkards were fighting downstairs. Now and then, there'll be a police car passing by. Anyway, the cabs over there gave me an impression of the policecars. Its wierd...

Had fun for the first day, which holds the key for more excitement for the following days. But, we cannot forget that our main purpose there is to compete. Thus, rehearsals are part of our schedule on most days, before the adjudication.

So, after reading the first entry for the first day, i hope u guys are alright to come back for the second, third and forth. Well, i'll blog about some days together, so... no worries. Anyway, im already back in Singapore, on my last entry on my coming back, i'll update more about my current situation. For now, just read slowly... catch up with ur imagination, creativity and live through my Sydney experience with me again. Sit back, relax! Here we go again!

Blank

2007-05-26T05:23:00.001+08:00

Im not that tough. Im not.

Im just different when im alone. U know, i sit by my window, facing my computer, staring out to the morning skies. Sometimes, leaning upon the frames... i just let myself go. Why hide it? Theres nobody else here. Just let it go.

It brings back memories. A long time ago, i was caught by my friends. They saw it, i hid it. It took me long enough to run away. I remembered that day, from then i knew... im an unhappy child. I recalled WeiFeng's voice, and flashes of Jonathan chasing me. Then there was once, on the way home with my friends, he was down there. Waited for me, and there was nothing that came out of my mouth. Questions slapped me in the face, and i hid it. Now, i just cant believe it that he is gone. Its like just yesterday. Its almost a year now, i hope he'll remember that he has a son still here. I know, i heard the apologies in my head everytime. U know, its easy to forgive... but never easy to forget.

Now, i look out, and see nothing but a starry sky. U know, its hard to spot stars. When u need them, they're often unseen. U know, hiding away in the clouds... but when u see them, u take them for granted. Im feeling strange, its sapping away my emotions. Soon, i'll turn numb. Then, i'll head for bed.

Im still not sleeping.

Unconditional love. What is that again? Eternal love, i know, theres almost no joy. When u let somebody go, because u know that he or she will not be happy with u, thats eternal love. On the other hand, those limited love applies to short lived relationships, aimlessly knocking upon each others doors. Nobody will be there to answer. I have eternal love within me, still burning like a lit candle. However, have u ever seen a dark flame? It keeps eternity rolling...

Somethings can never be undone. Whats done is done, and consequences takes place right after. I sit by my window, whispering to the wind, hoping that it'll carry my words to somebody's ears.

Breaking the silence, a cold shiver chills my spine. Unconsciously, i'll feel somebody patting my shoulder at times, even an echoe of my name. I'll look around aimlessly, only to disappoint myself. Ive wondered... its my sanity, isnt it? Or my uncontrollable thoughts. Frantic, yes... frantic.

Ive caked my memories upon a piece of white paper. Ive glued my childhood photos on an empty album. I took my favourite colouring book and packed it with my bedtime storybooks. And now, i look at them... and i smile, they're all still blank.

Wait For Me

2007-05-25T03:19:00.000+08:00

Whats reading without imagination? Whats blogging without emotions? Read slowly.

That night, i stayed up. I waited... and u know how it feels? Well, silly me. U know, every single day, its always this day that wakes me up. Putting me to sleep even. Why? Because sleeping would bring me one day closer. Now, i just dun feel like sleeping, because i dun want this day to just fly away again. Again, it has. Silly me... even now, im still holding hopes for next year.

U know, that wind that blew me coldly on the face that day? Its that familiar wind that blows on us that very day, and again, on this very day. Its not even my birthday that i'll mark my calendar with the sweetest lipstick. Its not even anybody's! I just feel so angry that it just goes by like that everytime. U know? Do u feel how i feel? I know its been said before. I just cant stop myself from cooking up my emotions. U know, its been locked since very long. The keys, only u know where they are. Please, give it back. Please.

Many people have their reasons to live on. I stare out the window every dawn, to surprise myself that its grey than whats often believed as a bright lovely sunrise. Sadly, nobody has really sat there every single dawn to witness its reality. Its been raining heavily almost every morning on odd days. I stare out... and wonder what brings these people to strive on in life. Isit career? Isit family? Somehow, i know its never love. Though it brings people to life, and powerful enough to take it away, i think its a chain, a shackle. Ive experienced it before, a few times... and not forgetting seeing others changed. Some disfigured themselves, while some hiding the pain. Swallow hard, and even harder ur gone. Uve seen those grey skies, havent u?

Best friends. Yes, a few loyal ones... and quite a handful of fair-weathered ones. Well, many fell into dangerous predicaments. Dilemma, such horrible clutches. We stood at the cross roads, but never once chose the same path. Life's like that, reality even worse, they'll let u make ur decisions. But, they wont send u ur bill till uve chosen the wrong path. Ive seen many fly. They fly fast, really fast. Nesting around with other flocks, yes... a common sight. A pain at times, but a sigh mostly, a deep regret.

So, recently i had a BBQ with some of my friends. When i detached myself from my usual gang, i bubbles started to pop. I know, i cant just stick with them forever. I thank this person for always being so concern. Thanks for the cheering, those words. I think its really too much for what i deserve. I look to myself in the mirror, and i see wasted friendships. Those were scars, marked on my face and will never leave me alone. Haunting me every minute, every second... only times when im sleeping, dreaming is the last place i hope to remind myself of such nightmares. And yes, most of the time... i'll smile to myself, for having such a friend. Indeed, a treasure from the pirate's box.

I think it was great, kindled some new bonds, and repaired some old ones. I invited ChaiXia over, and there are some secret dealings we made. Well, hope that she enjoyed herself, i didnt have time to entertain her much, because i was having trouble entertaining myself. I tried watching some VCDs, but it didnt work. We played games, and it was a hell load of fun for me. Im really bored. Soon, time slipped away like sand and it was time for lights out. There were 4 beds, but 1o of us. Its obvious that its impossible to contain all of us, i didnt sleep. Im not sure, maybe its the discontent that killed my mood.

Theres nothing for me to say, because its not anybody's fault. But, theres just this reason for myself to boil. Ive endured this aversion since the BBQ, but theres no valid reason for myself to get upset. Im at wrong, i know. But i cant just forget it. The uneasiness didnt falter, it lasted till i put myself to sleep. I slept at home.

I was sitting on the bed, and it was quite a rash decision for me to just leave. Dedric wanted to go home, and he offered me a ride. It wasnt me to say no. But, that day, i rejected.

Lyrics and music filled my mind. It brought away the dismay, and brought to me hopelessness. I sat in the chilling bus, dared not rest my eyes, but did not have the courage to settle my thoughts. This train of thoughts have been running ever since that day. U might not know, but this shine began a long time ago. So early, u might not even know me then. But it was that smile, from then i knew. Ur my friend.

Fondness, its my biggest mistake. I feel that its a bridge that cannot be destroyed. I cant live on with my sleepless nights. But, im going to.

Lets wait for next year then. Lets wait.

To You

2007-05-19T16:47:00.000+08:00

Cool, now Blogger saves ur draft every minute, to ensure that what uve typed will not go into waste due to stupid computer system suicides. Well, its been ages since i last dusted my blog, and it seems to me that very seldom anybody would now drop by to see whats left to salvage from their hungry boredom. Here it is! Another entry to set my day. Another entry to kill urs.

Its difficult to recall what happened during my previous entry. U know, its like those hide and seek thoughts that lurks behind ur brain. And well, todays a special day. Significant not just to the one and only, but to me too. May all ur wishes come true, unlike those dwindling hopes of mine which laid in the bin years ago. Ive given up as much as uve once did, but im still holding on to the little pieces. Feasible or not, it doesnt matter anymore. As i turn my head to take one more glance of the past, i smile... and just rub the silliness out of me. But well, others always say... love is silly.

Im not angry. I just look to my phone, hoping that i'll recieve a message on this day for a response. Though ive expected nothing in return, because ive learned that recieving is joy but yet giving is bliss. I know as much as u do that we wouldnt wish to be flushed back into memory lane for such ridicule. However, who can blame the naivity in a boy? Its silliness that drives him, its that little innocence which makes his world goes round. Im touched, not once, not twice, but just again by this blissful thought. A thought uve left behind as a fragment for the mirror, the mirror of my life.

Recently, ive been indulged into watching Korean dramas, variety shows and even some stupid Korean songs. Its like an addict to glue, ive bought many Korean dramas and watched almost every Korean crap on YouTube, and of course... downloaded illegally many Korean songs! I know, its kinda stupid. But can u believe it? Even WhampoaHilton is watching Korean stuff on the net now, why not me? Thanks to Audrey for her recommendation, and for others like myself for the spirit which thrives me into digging more Korean stuff. But well, i wonder... what makes this craze? I think its not the actors, nor the actresses. Its the plot of the stories. Its just so similar in a way that when i watch them, it brings a sense of belonging somehow. I must say that its impossible that i'd grown from such backgrounds, because the stories are just too fairytale like. Its like it happens only in once upon a time lands. But u have to admit! When u laugh and cry with the stupid plasma screen, u'll just relate urself with them. Its this weird thing that keeps the people going on with stupid ridiculous Korean dramas. Its stupid! Thats why people love it! U have to agree.

This feeling has been creeping behind my back since then. When? Im not very sure myself. Ive been wondering whats happening and whats going on. Im too lazy to step out of my comfort zone to find out, and too afraid that i'll blow my cover. I think its time to do as im told. Its a game. Yes, i think it really is. But, i dun think i can afford to play, its not the money or time at stake, its the emotions. I think and i think, i never do. I think its time to do something. Look, im thinking again! When will this stop?

I went out recently with YongRui, SiHan, Mark and Christoven. Not together, but on different ocassions. Yesterday, i went out with Christoven and Mark. And 2 days before that, i went to YongRui's place with SiHan. It was that day, SiHan wanted to watch this opera at Esplanade, but he didnt buy the tickets, which we thought that he already did. Its so expensive, its like $120. To me, i think its not worth the money for a show like that. So, we realised when we stared into his horse face that he didnt buy the tickets yet and its already sold out till their last show. Too bad, and so sad. Well, if it was me, i would have bought the tickets a few days in advance! But thanks to fate, we went to Suntec to catch a brilliant movie. A comedy to chill the day, excellent.

I think ive already scanned through all the movies this season. Now, im just waiting for the month to pass so that there'll be more to enjoy. I watched 4 movies with SiHan this month, and its the only 4 which i'll rather watch. Its kinda funny, on the first day of May, the official release of Spiderman, he came over to AngMoKio early in the morning to catch the first screening with me at Jubilee. Well, it was fun, and definitely the first time for me to catch a movie that early. It wasnt quite full yet, because its the first show. And next, another day at Bishan, we caught 2 movies in a row. The first would be another sad children show. I think this world is changing, especially with Britain using touching children shows to enlighten the world. I thought it was stupid, and i still think so too. My hair stood throughout the movie, with thoughts of such horrible childhood flashing through my eyes. I think im lucky! Im not gonna say the title, u guess. And the other would be a zombie show, yes theres only one in town. Lastly, the funniest and i would give my three thumbs up, 'Blades of Glory'.

Its the holidays! And i seriously cant wait for school to start. Before that, of course... my dear Australia trip. My friends are going over to China, i hope they have fun though i'll love to tag along. I wanna ask myself, whats this doubts im having about? Sometimes i'll just think too much ahead. I manipulate my own emotions to an extent that im my own enemy. I think its kinda bad... and not to mention, unhealthy. I realised that, the more im distant with my friends, the more i worry. I'll start thinking funny... and its not really funny... words dun express how i mean at times. Its seriously... funny. As in a bad way.

There'll be a BBQ this Sunday, which is tomorrow and i'll have to pay $30. Well, its sounded so expensive... but i thought, it was my suggestion to make everyone pay $30 at least. I laughed...

I'll be heading down to SCH later in a few minutes time to catch a concert. Fellow Pipa player, Harry, will be performing a solo, i thought it'll be good to go watch. Moreover, QingLun... nothing. And i'll see ChaiXia there too, i wanna scold her! She's telling me that she has no money, not even $10! Well, its a secret. Its already a special discount!

Im quite bothered with my long hair. I dunno how to manage it, and i dun wish to cut it just yet. I wanna cut it short before leaving to Australia... because i dun wanna waste money making it short now since im always at home. And i wanna complain about Singapore's weather! Can i lodge a complain to the government? They should plant more trees! So thick that it shelters the whole island away from sunlight, trapping heat and lowering in the infiltration of the precipitate. That'll be great!

As u can see, im getting bored... and im going out of point. I hate to eat fish.

See what i mean? So, see u guys soon. Actually... they should make a week holiday from every month, to balance up the holidays. Dun u think that'll be better? Or else we're like all trapped in boredom sticky tapes. Help me... im bored, but... im lazier!

Korean Madness

2007-04-25T03:21:00.006+08:00

I have no idea what starts my blogging now. Its already late into the wee hours, and i just wanna make a confession. No, i mean... i just wanna blog. U know, when u dun bath for many days, dun feel guilty i know u dun... anyway, u'll just be dirty and smelly. But when u bath, it just washes off everything away. Clean!

I think i havent been blogging for a long time, im losing my sense of language.

Ive been seriously drowned in Korean crap recently! Before going Genting with Christoven and WeiXiang, which was like last week, i was already immersed in Korean's entertainment industry. I think its flourishing and thats not it, it'll continue to do so... because they're spreading out to more Asian countries nowadays, especially China. Alright, i made that up!

Well, i was searching for some funny things on Youtube, it shows how horribly bored i am at home. But well, i found SuperJunior, Suju in short, and they're a rising Korean boyband. Theres this show called, "SuperJunior Full House". Its totally hilarious! Its about them having 2 foreign guests who'll be staying with them for 1 month. Anya and Eva, from Russia and England respectively, were to do a homestay with Suju for 1 month, and the stretch for this period was filled with fun for both Suju and the guests. They were treated like friends, and the members of Suju has to commune in English with the guests. On the first day, they were making a fool out of themselves with their English guide book, when both Anya and Eva could speak Hangul perfectly! So, there are 12 episodes on Youtube, and with English subtitles for most of them, and a total of 3 parts to each episodes. So, i watched like... 36 videos on Youtube to complete them. Its really fun! Its interesting to learn about the Korean culture too. Their lifestyle is very different too. I wanna go jump off my window now, because i wanna be born a Korean in my next life, i cant wait!

Trust me, its that serious that last night, my dream was in Korean! What the hell right? I cant stop laughing now. Its not funny? Fine. Anyway, im not lying, my dream was in Korean, and i could speak Hangul. So funny!

If not funny, go knock ur head against the wall.

Anyway, Mom got back, and fetched me to GoldenMile for my trip to Genting. I met Christoven and WeiXiang there, before that i had breakfast with Mom at PekKio. So, we boarded the bus, and i was feeling sleepy because i couldnt sleep for the entire night before heading to Genting. Why? Its not what u think. Because i was watching Suju on Youtube! I couldnt finish the episodes in time, when i arrived back in Singapore after the trip, the first thing was to complete the Suju videos. Anyway, i like one of their song, the rest aint that nice. Its called, 'U'.

I promise, no more Suju or Korean stuff for now, lets talk about Genting. Well, the journey there was kinda sweet for me. I hate it when they have to stop over for us to use the toilet, eat or shop. Its boring there, and so warm. Well, we bought nothing, we were prepared with some chips already. Surprisingly, we didnt eat any on our way there. I was sleeping soundly throughout the whole travelling. I always wake up with Christoven laughing at me. I was listening to music the entire time and im not sure what was happening between Christoven and WeiXiang. Anyway, when we're at Genting, i brought them to the counter to check in. We got into the our rooms, and the first thing they said was... the room was too small. Come on! Its just nice, last time before enrolling into NAFA, i went there with 4 other friends, and we all shared a single room!

We were deciding what to do, and ended up having lunch first then buying the theme park package for 2 days. Its only like $53, which converted to Singapore dollars, would sum up to around... i dunno. The rate was like 2.27, so u go figure. I'll list all the price in dollars for now... We ate some noodles, which was like $10. Then, we went to the theme park, and found it kinda disappointing because the rides were like closed. Soon, the sky darkens. We were on the flume ride, and was half way through the ride, and its so freaking slow! It was on the water, and really moved like a snail. Not implying on anybody! So, we were wet because of the drizzling, not the ride. I sat at the back, and Christoven in the middle, and of course, WeiXiang at the front. Christoven was not willing to sit on the thing, because its wet! We were urging him to sit, because he's rocking the thing by squatting. Its hilarious, because he doesnt want his jeans to get wet. See, thats the price of going out with a Hilton member. Joking...

The rides were all kinda closed because of the rain, but when we return, more rides were open! We were screaming with joy. So, we took the exciting rides and we got to the most thrilling one, the SpaceShot. Its a tower in the middle of the theme park, along the slopes of an edge. Its roughly about... 10 storeys high? Its very high! I live on the 11 storey, and im looking out of the window now... and i think the ride was higher than that, seriously. So, it goes up... then hangs at the top for around 10 seconds, because we counted, and then it'll just let go and drop! Once it reaches the bottom, because of the pressure, it'll bounce back up then down again, for at least 4 times, with each time getting lower and lower. WeiXiang got tricked because they needed one more person, and WeiXiang thought that Christoven would go with him, but he was fooled. He took the ride first... and second time with us. While waiting for our turn, we were looking at how WeiXiang would react to the thrill. Well, he looked normal.

When its our turn, i tell u... my heart was pumping like a crab's heart. I havent seen one before, but... its just pumping fast! I sat there, with Christoven on my left side. He looked horribly pale when we're going up. It was really foggy then, we were all covered in the fog, and it seemed to me that we've gone to heaven! When im nervous, i starts to sing. No doubt, i sang many songs on our way up. The counting was horrible! U know what? Im feeling the tension as im blogging! I can feel the anxiety now! Anyway, when i was counting, i counted till 8 and stopped... because i cant take the pressure anymore... and i kept shouting for it to drop. In the end, it... dropped, just like it would.

It was... pretty normal. Nothing special.

U know whats the killer ride for me? Before heading back to play, when it was raining i was feeling very sick and wanted to vomit... and we took a rest at a cafe. Before feeling so sick, its partly thanks to the curry i ate for lunch, and the killer ride. Whats that? Its the children ride, TeaCup! Its like a spinning cup, and it goes in circle... then theres this wheel for u to turn for more excitement. I was hoping that i'll get the chance to make Christoven sick by spinning faster and faster. Who knows, the role was reversed. Christoven was spinning the thing like a mad child, while WeiXiang and i were trying hard not to vomit. For me, it was a terrible and most horrible experience in my life! I regretted. Its a valuable lesson for all of u out there. Be enlightened.

My fingers are hurting, i think i typed too quickly. Well, at night, we were deciding over for the indoor rides, such as the HauntedHouse and such, but it was too expensive for Christoven. Why? Because he was left merely with very little money, thankfully... he has $40 extra. But well, it didnt last him long enough. On our last day, he was penniless. It was really fun going with WeiXiang too. He is very enthusiastic about almost everything, or actually... anything. He took pictures with us, and he was fine with things that we said and did. Its really fun. We went shopping, and Christoven spent his money on this pants... with an ugly belt. He kept asking us whether its worth it. What can we say? He bought it already. On the second day, i went shopping too. I bought this shirt from Padini. I think its worth it, its only $61. Because of the discount... and i wanted to buy more, but thanks to lunch on our last day at KennyRogers, i didnt have much left. Merely with $30, i spent it on food at the stop over that i hated most on our way back to Singapore. The ride felt slower, because i couldnt sleep much. It was fun at Genting, and theres so much more that i should've mentioned.

Did i tell u about Christoven's fashion show? His time consuming bathing periods? And lastly, his low status on bed? Here goes... Every now and then when we enter our hotel room, we'll hear Christoven saying that he wanna bath. And well, thats it, he'll bath for like 30 minutes! Thats freaking long! WeiXiang and i will often fall asleep while waiting. And then, he'll change his entire outfit. Firstly, he brought 12 underwears... for a 3 days 2 nights trip. And 3 shoes, with like dunno how many socks. Well, thanks to his shoes, i exchanged it with him at times, because mine was pretty wet from the flume ride. WeiXiang and i will take our score cards and watch his fashion parade. Lastly, he has to sleep in the middle of 2 beds, and we'll often snatch away his blanket, because its kinda cold at night. Well, i was sleeping, so i wasnt aware of things like that only till morning when Christoven would start complaining. Its really funny. And often, i'll take away his pillow, and he'll just start whining. His poorly status in Genting... was so unglam for him. Unglam, a new word which all should be familiar with. I'll add that to my dictionary...

By the way, after reaching Singapore, Mom fetched me home before she head to Malaysia with some friends. I prepared myself for a performance on Saturday night. MikeChiang has got some performance, and ive to arrange a short melody, according to him. It turned out kinda long actually. So, i did the arrangement and passed it to FuKang, WeiMing and YiLeng when we met at CSCC.

My internet is lagging, im kinda worried that if my entry goes into the bin, im really going to jump off my window. For another reason now.

So, anyway... we gathered and took a cab to TananMerah CountryClub GardenCourse. I know, such a long name! So, we took the cab there and surprisingly, during our free dinner, i saw EricWatson and went forward to talk to him. He was there for his ITE band. Well, we performed at the Chinese restaurant, while EricWatson's jazz band performed at the bar. And there are more performances around the whole club. Its a celebration for its 25th anniversary. The performance was fine, and took our break time out. Rushed back to CSCC to keep the instruments... or else we'll suffer bringing the heavy duty YangQin back home. And my house would be the nearest, i'll die most!

Anyway, MrChiang then told me to prepare for a solo performance for the Thai princess who'll be coming to Singapore on Tuesday. PeiQian told me to perform at Sentosa with MinHui and some other guy on Tuesday too, but i didnt want to... I told her to look for QingLun, not sure whether she did.

After coming back from Genting, ive been wallowing in the joy of watching Korean variety show, Xman. Its super hilarious! I got to know some Korean stars, as in know their names... and then got to understand some Korean sense of humour. Its totally different from USA, which is known for its sense of humour, even when bombing Iraq. Well, i loved it! I mean, the show. Theres this segment called, 'DangYunHaJi'. Its super funny! I'll recommend everybody to go watch, and look out for those with LeeJoongSoo, if im not wrong. If im wrong, hes called the Eagled-eye. He is super mushy with his lines, which he uses to beat his female opponents. Its super funny!

Well, for me, life must be a party, a ball, an endless carnival. Each person must invent a role for himself and play it with brio. Im gregarious, and being lonely isnt something i can deal with often. What are u doing these few days? Why so hard to get u to go out... sigh. So refractory.

Anyway, let me end this prolix entry. Verbosity first! So, thanks for reading and goodnight!

Palantir

2007-04-16T16:47:00.000+08:00

Well, since im here, must well just blog. I know, its been a long time, yes and ever will it be. Its the holidays! What can i do? Theres nothing to talk about! Why? Because there is nobody there to irritate me to bitch about, nobody there to trouble me to worry about and nobody there to play with me to share about. So, here it is... the sad holiday life of a hobbit.

I must admit, im kinda addicted to the wonders of Tolkien's stories. Its just far more fantastic than anything ive ever read, if ive read anything. So, ive read up on the children of Hurin, the hobbits and the somewhat full story of the quest for MountDoom, which is the LOTR. Anyway, there are many things that fascinates me. One of which would clearly be the language that he invented. The problems with languages are the fact that they have their own systems that might break down in the end, due to the overlooked errors in how things work. But well, the languages were almost perfect, and with no obvious lifting from other languages such as English. I love it, nice!

From the day i watched the movie on the numbers, till now, ive added 2 more into my collection. So, i watched 'The Reaping' and 'Turistas'. Both arent my type of show, as u might know, especially the latter. 'The Reaping' was fine, somehow more 'logically' my type of show, because it has unrealistic stuff, such as Satan and the prophecies. 'Turistas' was absolutely gross. I found it kinda tiring to sit there and watch the whole movie. I was struggling with the scenes and making noises, i felt pain. Bad movie! I hate this type of movie, but after surviving through its reign for 2 hours, im fine. Being fine, i felt good.

During this period, ive been reading things from the internet. Reading many nice things on the internet. WeiKang love nice things. Nice things cute and silly. Silly, silly, silly. Nice things said interesting things. WeiKang love interesting things. What did interesting thing say?

Stop the Elmo talking.

Anyway, i was reading about interesting things such as prophecies from the vast cultures and their beliefs. One of which would the sighting of UFO and unidentified objects. This dates back all the way to the era of Jesus and Mary. Well, in their paintings, theres a small unidentified looking saucer which appears behind them almost all the time. There are artifacts excavated from Iraq, which looks like Reptilians. The Lolladoff plate, discovered in Nepal, appears to show a hovering disk-shaped object in the center and a small being, resembling an alien. The circular pattern is reminescent of the spiraling movement of consiousness, which is the sacred geometry of creation, the GoldenRatio. In Italy, there are cave paintings that might date back into 10000BC, and its from ValCamonica, depicting 2 beings in protective suits holding strange implements. Honestly, i think the dates are kinda questionable, but sometimes things are just so unpredictable. Theres this 7000 years old petroglyph discovered in the province of Querato, Mexico in 1966. There are 4 figures with outstretched arms below a large oval object radiating what appears to be beam of lights. Are they praying? I dunno... Frescos throughout Europe which reveal the appearance of space ships in the skies including a painting of 'The Crucifixion', painted in 1350. It seems to depict a small human looking man looking over his shoulder at another UFO as if in pursuit, as he flies across the sky in what is clearly a space ship. THe leading craft is decorated with 2 twinkling stars, one reminiscent of national insignia on modern aircraft. This painting hangs above the altar at the VisokiDecani Monestary in Kosovo, Yugoslavia. I think Europe is just so full of uncertainty.

Nevermind the prophecies. Yesterday, i just went shopping with YongRui and Christoven. I bought a new wallet! It cost me $86. Its really a nuclear bomb in the heart. I think i should have bought myself some new jackets or clothings. No, i think i should get new pants. I have no bottoms to fit all my tops. Thats bad, right? I went shopping with QingLun at Vivocity yesterday, before the performance at PageOne. Well, same as Dedric, he cant do shopping. First, i look at clothings, then they just stand beside me. Im like... help!

The performance was great. Sadly, i wasnt allowed to wear a mask during the performance to fan off the embarrassment. Thanks to QingLun for carrying my Pipa, i was having bad aches on my left foot. After which, he headed for his performance with SCO, featuring PhoonYewTian's new work. Not sure how its like, but i dun wish to know either. I went shopping with Christove and YongRui then at Orchard. I bought my wallet at Isetan.

Earlier on, last week, i went to GoldenMile to get the Genting thing settled. Ive been saying that i'll do it, but i couldnt find the time at all. So, Christoven and i headed down there to make the payment. I paid first, and its only $82 for each, with accomodation and coach rides, and yes breakfast too. Well, that is the same day of the performance. Remember me telling u guys about the performance at the pub, ChinaOne? Well, its on the following day of the rehearsal.

I got there, and made my way into the pub, without anybody stopping me or asking whether im there to drink or what. Well, its kinda crowded, so i assume that the party aint on yet. YanChong came and we settled down and got ourselves tuned. The other musicians came, and we rehearsed through the pieces. I think the Keyboardist was kinda lost with the chords of our pieces, but as for Percussion, they were great! The Conga was fantastic. I love Latin music. Nice, nice Latin music.

LianWei is irritating me now. He bought the original Warcraft CD, good for him. He is asking me to blog about him, so here... thats it. Come on, u didnt pay, so dun expect much.

Back into the music. At the pub, when we're starting, there were many people looking and listening. Its interesting because its featuring 2 Chinese instruments with Latin music. I loved the playing, because i can get to improvise all i want, without fear. In the pop scene, its like that! NgohKhengSeng told me so, and well... thats a relief for me. MrNgoh said that in the pop scene, its alright to make mistakes, because its common, unlike the classical scene, which is very strict.

Well, after the performance, got to know some happy people there. They are working adults mostly, and theres this guy, called... i cant remember! Well, they were asking whether im from China. Im not, im local, i told them. They were surprised and started asking about my instrument and how did i learn it and stuff. I took a seat with the musicians, while YanChong headed off first because he has to rush for dinner with his parents. I headed for the buffet, well... my night is still young and moreover, ive no other plans, so no harm staying right? Well, for being a musician there, u attract many attention whereava u go, and lovely comments and questions from the curious public. I drank orange juice. Like what the hell right? Free drinks for me and yet i only drank orange juice? Well, come on, im nice boy. The guys there were telling me to drink something else, and asked MrNgoh whether im his brother and he said yes. All kinda jokes. U know? The policy is that all under 21 arent allowed to enter the pub. Im like merely 18! So, ive to pretend with my looks, moreover i have this mature look. Mature but not yet matured. Matured examples would be like ChaiXia. I ate, drank and chatted with the guys there. Enjoyed my time there, and stayed till the lucky draw. I got to recieve a few more namecards too. I think i should get my own namecard too! Mom just told me to do it in Malaysia, its way cheaper. True, but how am i going to get the designs? Ive this feeling that everything in Malaysia is kinda uncertain and probably lower in quality. But well, i know its a wrong concept. But well... havent been proven wrong yet.

Headed home after getting my fill of orange juice. Shook hands with the guys and left for bus 851 outside NAC. I love such ocassions. I think such events are worth going for. Moreover, the pay is alright too.

Ive another performance coming soon, on the 21st, with YiLeng, FuKang and WeiMing. MikeChiang told me that ive to arrange accompaniment for this song that they request. Its big money that we're talking about. Arranging 8 bars of melody shouldnt be a problem. Anyway, i think im going to plan first before heading to Genting this coming Wednesday morning. I'll be back on Friday night, its a 3 days 2 nights trip. I think it'll be exciting and filled with so much worries for Mom. I'll get the details of the gig tonight from MrChiang.

I asked Mom about my bloodgroup, because NYP needs to know so that they can arrange for my trip to Australia. Australia! Im going to check on GoogleEarth on whats fun nearby the OperaHouse. Im so excited and elated to learn about this trip.

YongRui asked whether i wanna go out, but sorry... i cant! Last night, we settled at BordersBistro, and chatted about many things. I got to arrange my new wallet, and transfer the things inside my old and torn wallet into the new one. Threw away many useless junk too. YongRui then mentioned about gossips. Well, gossips... they'll just never cease. People cant desist on gossiping and spreading unheard rumours or even... enlarging the holes in some existing ones.

Headed home on bus 162, and wished Tommy luck for his upcoming performance of the YellowRiver Concerto for Piano with SYO. He'll be playing the third movement, which is my favourite. We've been talking about it a long time ago, and i remembered asking him to play the third movement. He said that he requested to play it because he was given the first movement instead actually. Well, i'll be there to watch, play well!

Theres nothing more to blog, other than this new song that im in love with. I'll blog again with more interesting things that have not been forseen by the Palantir of Orthanc. Im the Saruman, the wise white wizard! I wanna be Saruman, please! Please!

The Number 23

2007-04-09T23:42:00.000+08:00

My nose have been running about these few days. Its hard for me to chase it back, because im terribly busy with the Genting trip, China trip, Australia trip, buffets, Pipa stuff and mostly, games. Well, im going 3 places during this long break from school. Can u feel how excited i am? I know u cant, because u cant go! Jealous!

Im joking, but seriously... where am i going to find that much money for all the trips? Genting is cheap, so dun bother finding. Australia aint cheap, and mostly, the flexible amount of money that im going to throw away in China is really hard to predict. Well, we've been trying to persuade JiaJin to go Australia too. JiaJin, go!

I had lessons with YanYu, and she told me that i scored very well for my exam. MrYeo congratulated her during the SYF at SCH. I was surprised, and MrYeo asked me about my results too during CSCO. I wasnt quite optimistic with my results, but well... after being quite certain that i scored well, i pretended to not know my results and told MrYeo that i might have scored badly. He didnt sound surprised, and he kept laughing, so actually its kinda a hint for me already. Well, CSCO practice was fine. Wait, did i blog about this already?

No, i havent. Well, the competition's dateline is over, sadly. I called and checked, its impossible to extend the dateline, its strictly by the books. Sorry to YanJun, for that it took me so long to find the form, and sadly, its over... missed a chance for any of us to participate. Anyway, i was disturbing JingTing during practice, and i kept gaving her wrong cues to enter. She got tricked and she started blushing and tearing. LaiWeng then said that im evil, because i kept tricking her. I was bored!

Had lunch with MiYan, YiLeng and JiaJin. We were persuading JiaJin to go Australia... Well, after talking so much about koalas and kangeroos, he is only 10% positive about going. I gave up!

Today, i woke up early. ChaiXia didnt give me a morning call! Jasmine, ChaiXia and i were talking on the phone late last night, discussing about the Australia trip, and also deciding over where to go and what to eat today. Well, i took a cab down to Suntec, because it was raining heavily, and i had to bring my Pipa out for the rehearsal in the evening.

Got there, and they were already waiting. What can i say? Im always so early! And well, they'll be there to await for my arrival. And yes, where was my red carpet? Or whateva u call that.

We walked around and towards Kuishinbo. The food was not as impressive as before. I recalled that last time i used to love Kuishinbo, because of the wide variety of food. Well, today it seemed to me like just any ordinary buffet, and moreover... the food aint that tasty anymore. I know, my tastebuds are either evolving or that they are growing fussy. I dunno why, but it seems to me that i was playing with food more than consuming them. I took this horrible soup, which tasted like KFC's mashed potato. I hate KFC's mash potato, and ive already started to hate the coleslaw too. Theres nothing nice in KFC anymore! Im getting back on MOSBurger more than ever! Die, KFC.

ChaiXia started taking pictures, and its so glamerous. If u wanna be inspired, go check it out in Jasmine's blog, or ChaiXia's. If u cant find the links, dun be stupid, go find.

Well, ate little though i paid alot. After that, i started singing GnarlesBarkley's song. I sounded so good right? I stood outside this shop, and started staring at their toys. Not exactly toys, its figurines of characters from LOTR. Im a LOTR fan, a huge fan, because ive never considered myself a fan to anybody, not even CelineDion. Im obsessed with LOTR, and especially Saruman. I dunno why! I love the character, he is evil, powerful, strong, influential and intelligent. I think im Saruman in my previous life. How nice.

I know, its quite a chunk of crap in my blog tonight. I dunno why.

We watched a movie, 'Number 23'. I give it 2 thumbs up. I think its thrilling and mind twisting, though not as impressive as any of the other similar genres, i think its worth watching, because we seldom see JimCarrey doing something out of his comedical zone. There were many scenes cut from the movie in the cinema, i could tell because of the wierd jumps from scenes and moreover, the sudden cut from the music. Its to obviate some violent scenes or maybe sexual scenes. I dunno, but well JimCarrey did a great job! Its amazing how the numbers can appear so many times in so many different ocassions. It started me counting really hard. During the scenes, any number that appears in the background and related to the number, 23. Its so amazing! Well, of course its planned for the sake of the filming, but its just... startling.

After the show, i got into the paranoid mood, i started counting everything, summing them into 23 somehow. They found the show stupid, and not that great. On the other hand, i found it great! Hower, not my usual cup of tea. Well, i had no choice... they wanted to watch 'Meet the Robinson', which looked terribly stupid in the cinematic trailer.

I hopped onto a cab and headed to Alpha Building. When i was inside, i counted everything and started wondering about the stupid number. Its irritating! I couldnt stop it, it was haunting me non-stop. I counted the fare, the car plates and even the stupid phone numbers. I was bored.

Got there, and NgohKhengSeng was late. MrNgoh is playing the Percussion in SCO. Well, we had our rehearsal in his studio, and he was late. The keyboardist, Vocalist, YanChong and i were all waiting outside. Well, they are so professional, i felt frightened, but well... im glad that i made it through. Improvising their music wasnt that hard, its the problem with them improvising on Chinese music. The Columbian lady sang so well. She is coffee coloured and she is kinda tall. U know, like an African lady. Well, our performance would be held at ChinaOne, a pub at ClarkeQuay. MiYan said that she might drop by... Its my first performance with such music, and im kinda excited. I sightread the score, in Western notation, and it was filled with so many chords! They were all jazz chords which hit me really hard in the head. I was going crazy... The Trumpet player played the solo through the chords, while the keyboardist improvised on the accompaniment, while the Conga player improvised on the rhythm. YanChong and i elaborated on the music. It was fun.

After rehearsing, i headed back to NAFA to practice. YanChong gave me a ride there. I played the concerto piece and felt kinda stressed. Im thinking, what if i play badly for my recital, though im sure i will. Well, lets not leave any room for more woes.

My birthday is on the 30th of November, which is 11 and 30. 1 plus 1, makes 2, while 3 plus 0 makes 3. It makes up 2 numbers, 2 and 3, hence... 23.

Deign To Acknowledge

2007-04-08T00:33:00.000+08:00

The clarion sounds, as i walk back into the gates wounded and violated. I was rudely disturbed by the rude and obscene blog of ChaiXia's. Its a war outside!

Right, im just kinda inspired by ChaiXia's blog to start blogging again. I know, its been kinda uncertain when i'll blog. Well, i just need something stupid or funny to really drill me. Im infected by some lazy bug, and im just idling away and eating time day by day. Let me refresh my memory and tell u guys about the events that took place since my last entry.

I wasnt there in the morning to witness the shocking performances of the first slot for SYF. I went in the afternoon, and specially there to support Dedric's school, SiLing. I felt kinda excited when i see those familiar naughty faces on stage. I sat at the instructor's row and started praying for them. Poor boys and girls, they must have been through alot of stress. I could hear that they've improved suddenly, and its really hilarious when the DaRuan went out of tune. The China kid, the most irritating one, didnt bother to change his instrument... I almost flipped over.

They played well, and i thought that they could at least get a silver somehow. But well, not lucky enough. Dedric went off before the results were out. Well, im not sure whether they're happy, but for the effort and attitude, i think its a lesson. Do better next time!

After watching the SYF, i headed down to Orchard and met up with Christoven. While waiting for him at ThatCDShop, from the listening booth, i saw this girl carrying a Pipa. She looked kinda professional, so i guessed that its WuQiong, the adjudicator for the NAFA grading. She was YuJia's classmate.

I stood up there, looking down and wondering if she's waiting for a cab, because she's standing by the road. She wasnt flagging, just standing still... Kinda wierd. Well, then a white car came to pick her up. So, Christoven came, and i was killing time in the shop doing nothing and persuading myself not to buy any CDs. I failed, i bought 3 for the price of $50, with a little change. I bought GnarlesBarkley's CD, and i thought that it'll be great.

Well, great... theres nothing much.

On the following day, i headed down to Eastcoast. I was having a hard time trying to reject the offer. Christoven kept pulling me along. U know how he persuades people... So, he kept asking me, and i had no choice... Anyway, it was fun. But i was really tired, almost fell sick. I woke up early, and took bus 13 down to Eastcoast. While walking into the McDonalds, i met LianWei and YinXuan.

It was arranged at 11am, but well, we all gathered at noon. Perfect according to NAFA's timing. Some had breakfast, while Christoven and SiHan was already cycling! They couldnt wait, i think they were early. Well, i got my bike, and i had to share the sister bike with LianWei. U know, those double person bicycle. It was the best experience ever! I tell u, its very fun. Really! Im not lying! Really!

LianWei was shouting here and there, feeling insecure and kept whining about me steering badly. Then, he wanted to take the front seat. At BedokJetty, after taking pictures together, and some with myself, i gave him the opportunity to take the front wheel. I hopped on, and from that time on, we started crying and laughing non-stop. They left so quickly, without turning back to show concern for the poor us, who were struggling with the little bike. Too bad LianWei didnt see how i cried, it was terrible! My eyes were all watery, and my tears were salty and all flowing down my cheeks.

Christoven, SiHan and ZhengYi were missing. We couldnt find them, and we had to cycle back to find Eudora who came so late. She couldnt wake up, so she took a cab to find us. She said she was at BK, and couldnt find any bike rental shop. So, we found her and she had to walk back while we cycle along with her very steadily slow walking pace. They brought back a bike for her, and we all cycled back to meet up with the rest.

I was hungry, i headed to the BK for some food, and its the BK that Eudora mentioned. After eating, we wanted to cycle back to return the bikes. I hopped onto the bike and cycled for like only a few steps, we got there. I was like... what the hell? Its just beside BK! The rental shop was just beside BK! Like just a few steps, i think a snail can even reach there within a few minutes... Hilarious...

The girls left, while the guys, excluding Christoven, heading to play LAN. YongRui went home to bath first, and met us up later. It was the worse LAN experience ever. Firstly, we all dun play the same games. Its stupid, some wanted this and some wanted that. Its impossible for me to play with them, because i cant play CS, i'll get headache and i'll vomit then die.

I think im having a flu.

Anyway, we played till around 8pm. I played for an hour only, while they continued playing for 4 hours. I sat there and fell asleep. YongRui apparently fell asleep too, we woke him up with a phone call, and he met up with us at the complex. Then, we took bus 12 down for steamboat!

It was crowded, and it was kinda packed. We ate, and i ate like hell! I love it! The sauce was really good. Anyway, had a great time there. Many ate, while ZhengYi and YinXuan were topers, who drank and drank. SiHan claimed that its one of the most unhealthy meals ever. YongRui ate little... What was LianWei doing? I cant remember. Well, i settled my mind that im going to go there again, but with some other company.

Sometimes its better that way. On the next day, i headed down there to eat again with Christoven and YongRui. Its like yesterday only anyway. We ate alot, and its packed. Really packed. Those China guys were so barbaric. They removed their tops, because its kinda stuffy, and they walked around like that in the shop. Many were waiting for food, and when the meat comes, they'll all rush over like hungry dogs. Christoven and i waited very long for YongRui, meanwhile we ate quite alot. When YongRui came, we started eating more. Sadly, we didnt touch any prawns.

I wanna go there again! Next week!

Well, heard some news about the grading. Well, cheer up people! Im horribly busy this coming week. Tomorrow, i'll have CSCO practice, then... on Monday, im not sure whether there'll be any rehearsals for the performance this coming Sunday, on the 15th of April. MrYeo cancelled the trio pieces, and requested for a small ensemble instead. Well, im fine with anything. On the same day, i'll have another rehearsal with a Latin group and singer, and with YanChong for a performance on Tuesday night in a pub at ClarkeQuay. So cool... i wonder how it'll be like. YouGuo couldnt make it, and he messaged me to take over him. Anyway, i also reminded him about the money. I think these few days it must have been horribly busy for him. U know, grading and SYF, its like 2 major clashes. So, he must be really stressed out with so much to worry for, thats why i didnt ask him for the money. Anyway, take ur time, YouGuo, its alright, i understand.

Ive been sneezing. I think im really getting ill. Or maybe im losing nostril hair. Either one! But i'd prefer falling ill... But no. I wanna be normal! Let me be normal again!

Im thinking of cutting my hair. Or else, im always sitting there, moving errant hairs out of my face. I went to teach again, and well theres progress... i hope it'll turn out well. Anyway, the China trip can be posponed because YanYu aint going anymore. Sad right? Well, her baby cant go, and if Angela cant go, who'll take care of her? So, she's staying in Singapore. Im going alone, or maybe with some friends.

Heres a section for QingLun. I dunno, but its always 90% impossible to get to him. Firstly, u cant contact him because he doesnt pick up his phone, or he doesnt reply messages. The fault lies with his phone, yes i know. And well, he talks alot, but does little at times. He hasnt fulfilled anything that he told me weeks ago. And its impossible to get him to go out. Its always me calling him out, and when he calls me out, im always either available or sometimes just coincidental that im in town or out with others. Im tired, really. I dun think i'll be calling him to go out anymore... its so tiring! Have fun, QingLun.

Presentiment Of An Excursus

2007-04-02T23:06:00.000+08:00

My computer just recovered from a serious error. I thought it was fatal... and i almost wanted to cry. I hate it when my computer crashes. But, i didnt think that it'll crash after getting a new computer. Well, its an old one, but considered new to the previous one which required monthly maintenance. I was playing my game halfway, suddenly, the characters were all stuck and immobilised. I was shocked, i didnt know there was such a skill, then... i noticed the music got stuck too, its repeating half a line of a similar melody. I was like... shit, i knew it then, my computer hung. Then it popped back into the desktop, with some fatal window warning me that my computer's dunno whateva drive has crashed and will not function properly. I was like... i didnt know what to do. I picked up the phone, pressed 999, but then i hung up... because im sure they wouldnt help. I took a pail of water and wanted to splash it over my computer... then i remembered that water shouldnt come into contact with electricity appliances, or the other way round. I was lost!

I shut it off, then i restarted. Now its fine.

Well, this little incident dug up some ideas to start off this entry. I was kinda lazy these few days. Many things happened after the exams. I know, Fairul's blog told u guys to come over here to check out on what happened. Here is the account...

That day, i met Fairul in school and i forced him to watch 'Turandot', which is an amazing opera! LianWei was watching from behind, and we didnt know until i turn my head around. The shocking thing was that we were all wearing green. So, after watching, and Christoven calling over and over again, we left school for FunanMall, where we met Christoven. We were guessing... if Christoven wears green, thats it.

We dropped our jaws. He wore green too. Its the green gang! We started calling ourselves the green gang, and it was so lame, like some children gang. After that, we tried coming up with many stupid names. I even called Fairul my elder brother in public. Imagine, a Malay being my brother? Then i kept saying that i dunno why ive a Malay brother... Out of the 4 brothers, only he's Malay. We care for him for that he is special. Indeed...

Well, thats it, im lazy. We ate at McDonalds and thats all. The end.

Yes! One more thing, while eating, we talked about teaching and stuff. Fairul is kinda in need for cash, and we encouraged him to take on teaching, but he doesnt want to. In fact, he claimed that he doesnt know how to teach students how to buzz. Its like a vocal teacher who cant teach students how to sing. Thats horrible right? How can that be? Its ridiculous. Havent been a jocular person, Christoven, started to scold him. We sat there and watched... Thats not the main point. The gist of the whole conversation ended off with a decision to go Genting! Christoven and i were so excited. Fairul said that he has a bad feeling that it'll not work out. Actually, honestly speaking, i thought so too. It'll never work with NAFA people. But Christoven and i had worked mircales! We even went cycling at PulauUbin. Its always others, but im not blaming anybody, just that things dun work out that well often, even shopping trips, or lunch... dun even need to drag Genting into the picture.

The next day, LianWei told me that he cant go, because he has to teach. So, we were all desperately seeking for others to go Genting with us. Fairul wont be able to make it, because he doesnt even have the cash to take the coach there. YongRui said that he might be able to go, and we thought of waiting for SiHan too. He has 2 concerts, and after that, he'll be free. But who knows? YongRui cannot make it, because his mother doesnt allow him to. As for SiHan, same case... his father thinks that its not safe there, because people gamble and there'll be accidents there and stuff. We opened the invitation to others, and only WeiXiang seemed quite positive on going. Audrey's parents doesnt allow her to go... So sad. Well, then who else? Actually, it can work out if i'll go with Christoven only. But then, its kinda limited to only both of us. But sometimes i think its better, because we click well. Dinner, beds, rides and money issues would be so much easier to settle. Isnt it? Its always easy to do things with him, because we're both kinda free and easy with each other. U know, some people would wanna settle the money fair and square and some might be horribly stingy with food. I dunno, u name it, i can name u who. But, dun worry, its not u.

Now, we're still deciding on who to go Genting with. Christoven will be going Johor tomorrow with WeiXiang. I hope they come back in one piece. Actually, 2 pieces, one Christoven and one WeiXiang. Becareful, because i still wanna go Genting. Joking...

Had lunch with MikeChiang on Sunday. MrChiang was telling me about the Australia trip. I cant wait! Im going to perform in SydneyOperaHouse! Its like so grand can? Usually people are invited only to perform there, and im going to have the chance to! Im so excited. But well, its a competition, so... its time for me to chill out and enjoy my first trip to Australia. Ive been to many countries, but never in my life in Australia, Europe or SouthAmerica. Of course, Antartica too. Ive been to Hawaii though... Damn it! I cant remember a single thing except for saying 'Aloha' everyday in the coach, and doing that stupid hand sign. Damn it! Why! Why! Why? Well, i was merely 2 or 3 years old then... thats why.

Anyway, we were talking about many things. JiaJin and YiLeng was there too, and we were all talking about the upcoming SYF competition. And one more thing, thanks to MiYan for passing me my trophy from the NAC competition last year. I didnt have time to go get it, and since MiYan is working there, i asked her to bring it back for me yesterday.

Today is Monday, and its the opening of the SYF central judging for the CO. Its held at SCH like always, and i was late! I didnt watch the first 2 schools. MrChiang gave me his pass. Thanks! With it, i entered the hall and sat at the instructor's row, and its usually less crowded. Louis was there too, then WeiLiang and XuYang started waving from above. I didnt wanna go up because i dun wanna climb the stairs u see. After that, i sat with Michelle, MinHui and PeiQian. Had lunch with them and YuHeng too. There was nothing for me to do, and there wasnt anybody familiar around, so i just took the liberty of their company and followed them.

Well, its always an ocassion at SCH. Many familiar faces, and rotten banana faces too. ACS didnt do very well this year, i didnt think that they deserved their title for gold, honestly. But well, goodjob still and congratulations to ACS for getting a gold this year. Of course im happy, but of course ive to be fair with my judgement. The judging is lenient, because many schools got bronze when some obviously deserved just a certificate. I know, its sensitive stuff, but well... im not vilifying anybody or anything, just stating some facts.

Got to meet MrHoo again, the MOE in charge of the event. I dun really know how to spell his name, sorry. And LumYanSeng! MrLum gave me a morning call this morning actually! I must thank him really. My alarm didnt wake me up. He called me and asked if im in school, and after meeting with him at SCH, he passed me my $520 privately at the cafe. Thanks! I was kinda pissed during the second half, when i have to wait outside for QingLun to get his ticket. I told him to get it himself, but he insisted on me passing him one. Its the same! Well, i almost missed out on NgeeAnn's performance. So bad right? He sat with Louis and i, and we started judging the schools ourselves. Sadly, our judgements were all kinda too outdated. The new judging criteria must be kinda low, because its beyong our expectations. Schools like Greendale got bronze instead of just paper. We were kinda shocked honestly. But good for everyone, though its kinda unfair for others like AhmadIbrahim. They were good, and if ACS deserves a gold, they should too.

I always sit in the hall, waiting for Dunman and hoping that they'll leave some mistakes around to spot. However, they never fail to impress me the most with their usual stunts and amazing choreography of their choice piece. This year, CatholicHigh really got way above Dunman with WeiYanMing's intelligent move to hit on abstract orchestral pieces. Their performance was excellent! I never got to experience such standard performances from secondary schools. In fact, i think they did very well in not just technical or musical areas. Performance wise was really good, their last note proved it all. Well done to the boys from CatholicHigh! After watching WeiYangMing's conducting for the JC 2 years ago, he chose a modern piece too, and i kinda expected something similar this year... but i didnt know that its so abstract! Many of us were ignorant the piece, and i cant even remember the title! Im speechless, hopefully LaiWeng's school will do well tomorrow. I just gave her and YiLeng some advice on the set piece...

There were many different renditions, though none are failures, but there were few which stood out most. I particularly loved Dunman's rendition, because its moving and slightly more lyrical in some sections. As for CatholicHigh, i think their choice piece covered up most of their errors from the set piece. It was too blinding for many. I loved it!

I went to help Mayflower to tune their Pipas. And well, they got gold this year. Im sure many are proud for them. MrChiang must be really content with the results. He remained his cool and accepted the many congratulating handshakes. Well, i think they deserved it. Good effort!

I got to know WeiLiang's girlfriend today. She asked about NAFA and MaSai. Its kinda sudden, and i think she's kinda cold. But... nice.

Im cleaning my computer now, thus i better quickly post before it closes my window for spyware removal.

And yes, ive to put this next paragraph because im told to. Warning to all, for that the words used in the next paragraph are strongly disturbing to the mental health of anyone of us. Its to be known that any damage caused will be for urself to blame, not me. Not for the weak minded or faint hearted, i encourage for all to prepare a bucket.

ChaiXia is cute and pretty.

The Surprise Gifts

2007-03-27T00:14:00.000+08:00

Ive no idea who, but it must be some who hates me alot. Well, somebody edited both my Friendster accounts, by saying that im gay and im dating guys and i need sex. Whoeva it is, i think its really smart how u got into my account, or maybe im stupid enough to have left it signed in in NAFA. So, its either someone from NAFA, which i believe so, or somebody that hacked into it. I dun care who it is, but i just wanna say that i admire that person very much. I can think of anyone in NAFA who hates me that much... because im certainly quite fine with many, only for a few... who are quite capable of doing lame things like that. Well, i changed my password just in case. By the way, if ur the one who did it, thanks! I dun think u might know why... so, nevermind!

Its been quite a few days since school ended for me. I know, tomorrow will be SiHan and YongRui's last day of school, because they'll be having their exams. I can understand the stress, the pain and the torturing anticipation. I went through that, and finally that its over... im quite satisfied, though not as good as i thought it'll be. If its as good as how bad it is, thats kind enough.

Today, i headed down to school to collect my $20 from the finance department in the first campus. To collect the $20, ive to even let them photocopy my student pass. All that arduous crap for that 2 pieces of red paper? I cant believe it... After collecting it, i headed down to Chinatown for lunch with my uncle. We ate alot, actually... i ate alot. It was so difficult to find an empty slot, so Mom had to keep waiting at the carpark, while uncle and i ordered food first. It was a great meal, and i couldnt contact MiYan. Its kinda on the way back to NAFA if i were to collect my trophy from her at NAC. She told me that she'll pass it to me on Sunday when i go for CSCO. Thanks MiYan!

There were many familiar faces in NAFA today. YouGuo played the Pipa for Dedric's recital, and many others. QingLun then told me that he has a gift for me. I was kinda doubtful, thinking that it might be another prank... so, i followed him to his locker. He looked so happy, as he brought me into a studio for me to open up my gift. Its... a SpongebobSquarepants boxers! And a SpongebobSquarepants face shirt! I was so happy! Its like my first gift! Nobody gave me anything... or at least anything special for any of my birthdays any year. All i got was some money, probably some treats and nothing else... Honestly, i cant think of any birthday presents at all. Its not my birthday, not my death anniversay and not any of my grandchildren's birthday... but why did QingLun give me a present out of a sudden? It remains a mystery for all...

I took the boxers and covered my face with it, while too happy for anybody to see that has never been so happy kinda face. Thanks so much! And he told me that his girlfriend picked it for me. So thankful! I love u guys! U know what? Im wearing them now as i blog! Honestly, the shirt is kinda tight. Its a middle size, and honestly... if u dunno, im a person who wears middle size... its just that im fat and ive a tummy. My shoulder length fits only middle and not large, except for some cuttings. Actually it fluctuates around large and middle... but many of my shirts are usually large, because of my evergrowing body during the holidays.

So, after they rehearsed, its Andy's turn to rehearse. I tuned my Pipa and QingLun was laughing about his instrument. He's playing the BanGu, or actually... just the woodblock because they cant get a BanGu. So, its kinda funny... because he doesnt really know how to play it. During the last section, he'll just keep in time and knock at every crotchet. Its kinda funny, because he'll close his eyes and focus... and its funny. Well, after running through about 3 times, we took a rest and went down to catch Dedric's recital. It was TingTing's first, then i brought PeiQian backstage to look for Dedric. She was sitting at the foyer, waiting to enter the hall. Well, there wasnt a single audience except for DrGoh during Dedric's recital. PeiQian and i sat together and enjoyed the whole performance. I had to even help him record his recital. I didnt know what to do, so i just pressed record and left it on the stairs... it even recorded our conversation.

The recital was fine, some parts were messy, but other than that, i think Dedric played really well. I enjoyed the first performance the most, while the second one was kinda boring for me... because i heard that for like a million times already. The last piece was a modern concerto for the Suona, with the Piano accompaniment. It sounded raw to my ears. I dun really like the piece, because its kinda too plain. After his recital, i moved backstage to prepare myself for Andy's recital.

He was really stressed out when he, or the Pianist, played wrongly. During his first piece, he even stopped and apologised, starting again somewhere from the allegro section. We were kinda shocked, but well... it happens. We took our seats and started playing with Andy's cue during the second piece. It was great, and i felt kinda good on stage. I hoped that i felt this good when i was having my own exam... Well, the last section was still kinda wierd... but too bad QingLun doesnt wanna play the rhythm thingi to cue us in. Its not his major anyway, so... cant blame him, he did his best with the bells already anyway.

I stayed back and watched DongXiao's recital too. It was kinda interesting when she changed for the final piece, which she played standing up. Its not really a modern piece, but she dressed like those girls on stage, playing their ErHus by standing up. She moved quite alot too! I must say that its kinda glistening to my eyes. Glistening as in fresh and new. Well, goodjob! After she played, we all left for JunRu's place.

They headed to Bishan first to get the food, while QingLun and i went for soya, then took bus 166 towards AngMoKio to meet them. Before that, i wished Christoven all the best for his exams, which took place after i left. We were talking in the bus, and he mentioned about his misunderstandings with some of his schoolmates and stuff. Well, its surprisingly small how the world is. I think everybody and everyone is linked somehow through a third or fourth party. Singapore is indeed a small world. Anyway, we talked about love too. Its kinda strange how things work.

When we're there, we met up with ShuMin and gang. They all left first, while i waited with QingLun for his girlfriend, i dun think i'll mention who. I brought him to AMKHub, and it was my first time there today! I didnt get to shop... but i brought him to the bank to drop his cheque. After that, he treated me to an ice-cream. Thanks alot again. Soon, his girlfriend came and we all took bus 265 to JunRu's place.

We entered the wrong condo, because its kinda wierd... but we saw this really cute cat there! It was so pretty! I love it! I wanna go bring it home! So, we walked down to another condo and met up with ShuMin who brought us in. They were all cooking already, while MinHui was melting the chocolate chips for the fondue. Its so pretty. I ate many sausages, thats all i remember. I even burp sausages now. Well, they were all busy cooking, and i know its impossible for me to cook, i'll burn everything. So, they kept calling me to do something. I tried, but theres really nothing for me to do. Back then at Sentosa, i did nothing but went to get huge rolls of toiletpapers and went hunting for firestarters, thats all! I did nothing much. I cant cook, so i marinated the chicken wings and ate them too! I steeped all of the chicken wings into the black pepper sauce, and also removed all of the blood clots the way Samuel taught me to a long time ago. Well, had fun there anyway. I had fun at JunRu's place too. Some went to play basketball, while i sat there without moving, enjoying the chatting and the huge variety of sausages.

ShuMin and Dedric couldnt stop cracking lame jokes. I couldnt stop laughing, and well... QingLun's girlfriend was cooking all the time, poor girl. Well, we made her sit down and eat too. Ate alot, and after getting kinda all warmed up, sweating and feeling sticky all over, we took the chairs out and started playing card games.

We first played the shouting game, then some stupid murdering games. Had a load of funny people around, thus had a hell load of fun too! Its the end of their recitals, and everybody is happy as fuck! Im sorry, but yes... we're all very happy! Except for 2 people who hasnt got their exam yet, and its tomorrow anyway. Its Richard and Sebestian the only Percussionists around, and yes... one more. Anyway, it was fun!

Had a hard time deciding where to go after clearing up at 10pm. We took a cab down to the McDonalds that i recommended. Its new, and its my first time there tonight. We took a seat and DongXiao bought a drink, while TingTing bought an ice-cream. ShuMin collected $16 each for the BBQ, and i was really tired by then already. My eyes were like red, but ShuMin was ablazed. She was red all over. I suggested that they can go climb the hill behind the McDonalds. I brought Jasmine and ChaiXia there once i think... they were tricked by me, while they climb that mountain to just get to XiuHua's house. Anyway, they were kinda enthusiastic... but soon, everybody decided to go to DongXiao's house. Very soon, we all took the cab home. Im not sure where the others go, but Dedric and Anthea brought me home first. Thanks to Dedric again and again.

And today, the highest thanks goes to QingLun! I love the boxers! And the shirt! Till now, im still thinking... who might be the one who edited my Friendster profile.

The Lost Chapter Of Life

2007-03-25T23:36:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, i do look around. I look around to find everybody indulged in their own problems. Theres actually nobody for me to really turn to. I know, u might think that ive so many friends... but why cant i just speak out to all of them. Well, theres too much to understand... and seriously, its a brain killing topic. Even now, im so bored and tired of mentioning about it.

U know, sometimes... i can only just dream. Im not someone who can live with reality. The harsh and rising tides of criticism just splashes on my shore, wearing me off. Most of the time, they just splash directly on my face. Well, reality. Who can i blame, only for myself to take the pain inside me, which poisons my mind.

Well, i had my exams last Friday. I cant find any word to describe it... only that its not even as bad as my best performance. My nails came loose, and i wonder... why must there be always something, some problems or some bad condition, to destroy my peace on stage. Well, i was sweating like a pig, and i was too busy playing that ive no time at all to wipe it off. I thought, maybe thats how stages are like... so, ive to deal with it. In reality, nobody cares what happens on stage, they'll only wanna hear music from u. As for me, ive so many of these problems... even technical issues of my own music making. I think im really a failure. A failure... in many things. Many.

Mom came home before Friday, and on she fetched me to YanYu's house. There, i had my last lesson before my exam. My hands were still kinda sleeping, so i warmed up and played through the pieces for her. It turned out well, merely some usual mistakes and some movement problems. I packed up and left for the road to exile... hoping that it'll turn bright at the other end.

On the way for lunch, Mom and i quarrelled badly... thanks to uncle's insensitive question which agitated me. I was yelling in the car, and i couldnt think straight. I spurted some very insensitive statement which made Mom cry. She started shouting and crying, while driving towards home. Uncle's intention didnt meant for things to happen this way, thus he sat quietly and started feeling rather guilty. Well, i made it such a big issue because i wanna let them all know that im serious towards such gibberish talks. I dun want any of these to happen again. I thought that after winning the competition, mindsets would change. But apparently, they grew out of the box for the moment and was shut back into their little pea box. I dunno why, but its impossible to make them realise some things. Moreover, i started comparing with others, which made Mom very unhappy. My main punch wasnt with the comparisons, but its the fact that they dunno how others are like, and how the outside world of my circle is like. Come on, sometimes i hear statements that are utmost insulting towards my interest, my passion for music and for the Pipa. I feel so angry but theres nothing i can do, but to keep my cool and turn myself bluntly sarcastic. Mom scolded me for not being able to take a joke. I replied with a freezing hurting statement. Its not a joke anymore, its vilifying and hurting me. Its not a joke at all, it has been said for too long. Ive closed an eye for long enough, its time i leer towards their direction and to mock at them. Come on, im doing something with my bare hands. Im stepping on the ground more than others are. I know, i dream. Im a dreamer, and ive never wanted to live a life enslaved to the feet of any authority or government body. I dun want to make dirty money like conmen and illegal dealers. I dun feel any pride in what i do. Imagine, ive been pressed till ive totally lost my faith in things that i love. Sometimes, when certain questions are thrown at me, i blush and really dunno how to avoid feeling lost about my answers. I really dunno if im doing the right thing. I think, im just foolish. Mom's tears made me realise that ive carried it too far. But i wanna bring my point across hard and strong like stones on fire, which hits hard on falling towers. This time, my line is drawn clear.

Mom couldnt take it, she drove home and alighted... and asked my uncle to eat alone. I asked him to fetch me to school, and i insisted that i go school and not have lunch. My appetite was lost, and to think that im going to have my exams in such an emotionally unstable state... im really devasted. I almost lost it and wanted to just take a bus somewhere and skip my exams. To think of it, since Mom has supported me so far financially, unlike my dead father, ive to just do it for once. After that, if this fissure will never seal, im going to just destroy myself by doing what others want me to. I'll blot out my dream of a musician and become a nurse. I know, u might find it funny. However, this joke of becoming a nurse is a serious thing for me. Im going to be a nurse. So, i'll tell myself everynight before i sleep, with a dropping tear and some heart breaking prayers, i'll tell myself, i'll tell myself that i wanna be a nurse, a good nurse, to do everybody proud. Be happy for me.

So, after the fight, on the following day, Mom and i pretended that nothing happened. We talked like normal, only to find ourselves awkwardly talking to each other and caring for each other more. Well, my heart aches so, with a tormented soul, so vilified by jokes which sounded like a screech to my ears. Now, with love sheltering over, i feel like a baby, safe in the arms of Mom. Theres nothing i would do to hurt u, Mom. I wont say anything like that ever again to break ur heart. Well, everytime i dream of my Mom's funeral, i'll wake up crying. Trust me, i have many dreams of her dying or sacrificing for me in some way or another. I'll wake in a violent jerk and just flush my cheeks with tears. To think of it, its quite sudden that my Dad just passed on like that. I remembered cursing him when i was young, and Mom told me that by the age of 18, i'll be able to decide whether to see him anymore or not. Well, it seems that i dun have a choice, at the age of 18 he died to dark phantom who took many lives away, cancer. If Mom goes, i'll have nobody left in this world. My aunties and uncles from my maternal family are all useless. They rely on my Mom to take care of their mother, my grandma. They owe my Mom so much money, and some even seek shelter in her own home. They've dumped their kids under the care of my Mom, an unemployed single woman. She told me that she fears that once their kids grow up, they'll forget about her. She fed them, and hopes that they'll remember her and take care of her next time. She's always worried that i'll side my father while she's always the one sheltering me and watering me till i grow. Its hurting to see her cry... and i dun think i can take another blow like this. In another words, im sorry for stubbornly highlighting my statements.

Im 90% sure that such things wont happen again. Well, 2 years ago, such an event took place. It was the journey home from Sentosa. I skipped my prelims, i bet many of u might find this familiar, but... do u know why? Or, what really happened? Many things happened, and i had fun at Sentosa, only to find Mom and i crying while she fetched me home from Sentosa. She came looking for me, because i was really unstable. I grew up in a emotionally depressing home. When i was young, my father never cared for me. Mom would come home with me running to her arms, and she would then question Dad about my crying. I remembered one night, i was awakened by Mom, and she dragged me out of the house with a luggage. I was carrying my blue coloured smelly teddy bear, while with my thumb in my mouth. I was really confused, i didnt know what was happening... and well, i asked Mom... where are we going? Will we come back again? As far i remember, i never stepped into that house anymore.

Mom filed a divorce with Dad, and i was kept with Mom at grandma's place at AngMoKio. We left Hougang for good, and never to return that dreadful place ever again. I was kept away from all this legal issues. Mom won custody over me for a huge sum of money, and giving away the house and many of her assets. Dad wanted materials over me. After learning about this only a few years ago, i was disappointed and i was really down for a long period. I found my father a disgusting person, but i told myself that he might have changed... for that i can see that he loves me so. I was wrong, though his love might be unfailing, his love for Jane dominates over this thoughts and his decisions for he he entrusted everything to Jane, who took all his money and threw his adopted daughter, Amanda, out of the house. She wanted to send her to China illegally, but was unsuccessful to her surprise that Amanda went against her and filed a case with some organisation who takes care of her now in a juvenile home. As for me, im left with nothing but just useless photos of Dad which means alot to me. These memories are priceless, but... whats the worth? How isit worthy of my love? Dad is a huge disappointment. Honestly, ive no feelings for him anymore. I love him, but ive enough reasons to hate him.

I know, ive repeated this story for long enough. However, theres another part which nobody has heard before. Why do i hate fruits? Why do i hate balls? Why do i not like people who stands on my left side? Why do i only draw people facing the left? Why do i not drink coffee nor tea? Theres many stories... i think i can publish many different issues.

Well, enough of the happy stories of life. Today, i went to Jasmine's place for a visit. ChaiXia and i met before we took the lift up. I sat at the living room, while ChaiXia started practicing her XiaoRuan. Then, something horrible happened, which was kinda sweet actually. I was so tired of listening to music already... after my exams, i think i need a long break from the instruments. So, she was practicing then she accidentally used too much strength, which resulted in the breaking of one fret at the higher register. The fret dropped out, and i was laughing... I have a glue to fix it, but i dunno how to pass to her. We watched Turandot, and they enjoyed it.

After that, we played MahJong with Jasmine's Mom. She kept saying that im fat. I feel so... happy. Honesty is the best policy right? Anyway, it was fun... i won so many times! So many times! Its my blog, i say anything i want! I can even lie... But, honestly, i won so many times. ChaiXia and Jasmine must be so jealous...

Well, im tired and thats enough for the day. Tomorrow, i'll have the whole day dedicated to Andy's recital and the BBQ at JunRu's place. So, peace.

Trepidation

2007-03-22T00:59:00.000+08:00

U might wonder if this blog is effete. Well, im here again to prove it wrong. Its back for more, but this will be just one post before this coming Friday, the official comeback. Ive been terribly busy playing games. No! Ive been terribly busy practicing the Pipa. I hope im right...

Many events took place over these few days, almost a week, or probably more than a week. Those events took flight and now are shot down into my ocean, like broken pieces of wood floating on my sea of thoughts. I need to pick these pieces up and make something out of it, before it ruins the empyrean serenity of the ocean. So, actually im just here to blog... to get things out of my mind. I want back the limpid view of my life.

In short, ive to say that the performances at NAFA were alright, just enough to save my little life. And other than that, last Sunday, i had to rehearse early in the morning at NUS for the concert which is in the afternoon. I havent practiced much with them, and on Saturday night, Jasmine and SiHui came to watch my performance at NAFA. Which after, we were caught in a human jam of taxi snatching. It took us long enough to get a cab, from NAFA all the way till Bugis. Finally, after catching one, we headed out to PasirRis, where the TPCO chalet was held.

Had fun there, mostly laughing with JingTing and making jokes out of MeiHong. We laughed till it hurts. I think JingTing is one of the people who can successfully make me laugh without doing much. Another would be Audrey, and of course... Anthea too at times. While they were out doing some night walk, i slept in the room and chatted with JingTing and gang. They woke me up in time, and we all walked out of the chalet early in the morning and took a cab home.

JingTing stays near me, so i dropped her nearby and headed home. Took a shower, and headed out for NUSCO rehearsal almost immediately. At UCC, the concert hall, i took out my Pipa and started warming up. The backstage was horrible, its like Esplanade, but far worse... because of the many passages and wierd shaping of the passage routes. We ran through the pieces, and surprisingly, the concert was great! I personally think that the ErHu concerto by LumYanSeng was the best. Its so much better than rehearsals, and honestly, im really surprised. The Pipa concerto was alright, just that i dun really like the Chinese orchestra's rendition. During the interval, i headed out and chatted with MrYeo and others. I saw Jeremy, XueQi and gang outside, but didnt talk to them.

After the concert, i rushed out to grab a cab with Kenny. The performers were supposed to stay behind for photo taking and stuff. But well, ive to rush off for another performance at NAFA. Well, not as ive not expected, i played terribly that night. Im too tired, and im not focused at all. I got WenYang's number that night, and i talked to him about some of my plans. I might need him for help next time. He is a very very nice guy. Thanks WenYang.

Stayed back after the performance for a buffet. There, Adams kept praising me and telling me that i did well. Im aware that it was bad, so i told them that it wasnt good... but he said that its really good, as followed by RenePhua and Hartung too. Well, that night... i felt very tired and worn out.

I went back home and took a long nap to refresh myself for the next day.

Nothing much happened during these few days other than the fact that i went shopping... and now waiting for the last and final one this Friday, my practical exam. I got myself some really nice clothings, for a cheap price, and many many French CDs! People, StMusicWorld is having 50% off, and their CDs are priced at $6.50 and above. Its really cheap! I love that place, i went there thrice and found myself buying many French recordings. I bought CDs by ThierryAmiel, the French idol as all might know, and also CDs by LaraFabian and JonatanCerrada. Well... if u guys wanna go there, u can ask me where it is, or actually... its just at ShawTowers.

Christoven got almost knocked down by a van. Fairul got me really mad... and i dun wanna talk about it. Also, ive to thank him for getting work done.

My exam is drawing really near. Im going to school everyday to practice, but only to find myself playing after practicing awhile. I just played LAN with SiHan and YongRui. I few days ago, with YinXuan, Richard, LianWei and others. I dunno... but i think its wrong. Bad, really bad. Just took a cab back with SiHan. He dropped off first and gave me $10 to continue my journey home.

I need to sit back and congitate about life. There are many things which im clearly lacking of, but yet not sure how to get them. Just now, MikeChiang called me, and he told me about some plans. Im glad and very happy. Excited mostly... but still, there are many obstacles to clear before doing so.

Recently, i talked with my friends, and realised that many things are happening, and such fate befalls on people that i least expected them to become such monstrous creatures. I think its not their fault, because its not them anymore. I want the old friend i used to have. Im not sure whether to point the blaming finger on the influence or the influenced. However so, im still a friend, and i wanna help. I could see in his little blinking eye that what i knew of has nonplussed him. There are many things i know too, but just not updated enough. Thanks for the talk, or else i wouldnt know of such existing terror. I think its really important that we have trustworthy friends around. Ive made my guess, and since im right, i should be told about such things. And even though i cant do much to help, i only can lend my listening ear, or even at times, to force my listen ear over. Im always here, and its not all the time that i'll spread things that i hear of, unless its necessary.

XueQi was crying yesterday, and she talked to me. Im glad that she can trust me with her words, and honestly, i think that its important for one to think healthy before doing anything. Therefore, XueQi, u have to try to stop being so depressed. Think slowly, and figure things out slowly. Im sure there are some things that aint a problem at all. Uve walked this far, dun fall and hurt urself again.

Im not taciturn, but just not really open to anybody. I need support at times, and it'll be great if people aint that blunt. Sometimes, i look into the mirror and sigh to myself. I wonder... if people are really saying and meaning things they say. Truth or dare? I would rather dare myself at times than to believe things i hear.

Mom is coming home soon, before Friday, so that she can fetch me for lesson before heading for lunch and then to school for my final exam.

Recently, through the help from friends, i got to find Sophy, Zheng player, to accompany me for my exam. I dun blame TingTing, because she is busy, but she could have told me really much earlier. LimChooLi is busy, and i wouldnt wanna bother her too, because its just my exam, its not like a major performance. So, i found Sophy, who willingly accepted to play for me. Thanks alot. We rehearsed once and it turned out to be alright, the final section still not fast enough. On that day, i'll move one bridge over from another Zheng, because the 2 Zhengs in school are kinda handicapped. She came with her twin sister, Clara, if im not wrong. Well, thanks to them both. And moreover, i asked if i may treat them for dinner, but they rejected. Weird, and really nice, thanks.

I just cant wait to be king. I mean... i just cant wait for my exams to be over. Ive been eating heavily recently, its not surprisingly that im gaining so much weight. After my exam, im going to celebrate wildly! I tell u, im going to drink, eat, sleep, play and shop like crazy!

I should post what people say in MSN to me, because i find it super hilarious at times. By the way, i always win when we play LOTR games. Im so bored of winning! Well, that day, my Saruman destroyed SiHan and Richard. But, i was lucky to have myself a wall surrounding my Isengard. Other than that, Saruman grew strong by killing SiHan's men. Today, i found the one ring and gave birth to Sauron, who destroyed SiHan entirely. YongRui's elves were helpless... and he managed to kill Sauron after it became weak from all his arrows. It took him very long to kill him. My WitchKing was killed many times with his other Nazguls, and the BlackRiders too. Well, its a nice game... actually, im deeply in love with the story of LOTR. A few days ago... i even went to check out of the history of Saruman. The interesting thing is that the writer has magically created a world of his own. Its magical!

Im tired... and i wanna go play my games. Im intending not to sleep tonight, and practice early tomorrow, or probably practice later at night. I need some rest for tomorrow, so im going to wear myself out tonight. Friday is arriving like the arrival of puberty, so fast... and so shocking. Im joking, i bet its not shocking for SiHan, because he is a caveman. He is still going through evolution...

Im so afraid. I think im doing really badly this year. I fear for my final year. I really fear for myself... because there are many things that i dun have. In fact, im the only Pipa player that is going through NAFA first straight after graduating from my Os. YouGuo would be the only Pipa player that has graduated from NAFA, and im next, but i entered at an early age, as compared to YouGuo. So, im afraid that the concept behind the judges would differ much from perspective. Im worried. I know that im not very good, not even good, but i think i can barely just pass through the exams, which im very elated if i do. I wanna just get out of this place quickly... and get into NS. Its the first time im hoping for NS... but of course, to obtain my diploma first. I must get it first... or else, im going to kill myself.

Im afraid, very afraid.

IMVU

2007-03-10T12:55:00.000+08:00

So, i didnt blog last night, and im here to blog. Well, yesterday was a tiring day. In the morning, i was late for lesson with YanYu. Well, during the lesson, Angela cried. YanYu hurried to attend to her baby, but only to realise that she's just calling out, not even a single tear. I was laughing away... because its just too cute. We went through the duet piece, and i was still thinking who'll be playing the Zheng for me! TingTing promised, and she thought that im joking, and its regarding my exam, why would i joke? Im kinda pissed that she suddenly dun wanna play for my exam. Well, i cant blame her, because her exam woud be after mine. So, i need a Zheng player! I'll be asking around...

Had lunch with my uncle, Mom and her friends from Malaysia. ShuYing, is the daughter of her friend, and she is my age. But, she looks so much older? Im not sure, but slightly more mature looking. Anyway, she's here to look for her table tennis coach. She is a sports person i guess... As for me, after eating, we brought Mom back home, then uncle fetched us down to Bugis.

They wanted to go OG to look for their friend, so i brought them there, and from there, i walked back to school. I was in the com lab, and thats where i got cheated! Cheated by Jwen and Evan, the horrible bad people! They tricked me into playing this stupid game called IMVU. It serves like MSN, IRC and with graphical designs and an online character, that makes the chat much more interesting. So, i created my avatar and registered. By doing so, they actually get 500 credits and gets extra 50 credits when i get my first chat. Its stupid! They cheated me... and after persuading me to play, and after getting their credits, they leave me alone.

I figured out on how to play, and i realised that they were using me. So, i scolded them and started making fun of them. I kept irritating Jwen by asking her questions about IMVU, while she was doing her history essay. So funny! Then, Jeremiah told me that he has an account too. So, we talked for quite a long time, hoping to earn some credits. Well, we do earn credits by talking for at least 3 minutes a day, and it'll multiply everyday. So, ive no choice but to ask my friends to play it, so that i can earn that 500 credits, and talk to them for an extra 50 credits. Moreover, by logging on everyday to chat to earn my extra credits. I need some credits to get myself something.

After playing, i realised that my character is too ugly. So, i used my other email account to create another character, which looks so much better! I bought a house, a Piano and for the old character, a house too and an ugly Chinese chair. So super ugly! My new house is so much nicer...

By the way, there isnt much to do, so... i played till around 5pm, and headed down to the theatre to check out on the dancers. Its there, during dinner, that i got to know WenYang. He is the accompanist for the dancers in the ballet. He plays the Piano, and he is a very nice and friendly guy. I didnt know about him until i read his resume from the programme booklet. He has been in the field of dance accompaniment for 5 years already. With only 6 years of Piano lessons, he continued to pick up other instruments like Flute and Piccolo in his school bands and stuff. Now, he is currently studying in NUS, and also in the NUSSO. He is the resident conductor of RWinds, an alumni symphonic band of the Raffles school. He is kinda amazing, and really humble.

We talked and joked, while waiting for the dancers to rehearse the ballet one more time. I headed outside and found a reception, where all the lecturers were, talking and eating. DrKan was there, talking to DrErnestLim, RenaPhua and there was DrGoh, Adams, and EricWatson as well. Other than the music faculty, theres many other lecturers from all over. Meanwhile, let me introduce u guys to the head of dance, BerndMichaelTeichmann. From his name, u would probably guess that he's from Germany. He is, and he has been in Singapore since 2001. He is very funny and humorous.

So, i waited backstage, and soon... while chatting with the dance lecturers and WenYang, time flew quickly and the curtains were drew. There were applauses while the first item was presented, Indian dance. After the dances, there was an interval, and i wished WenYang all the best, as he was telling me that he'll get butterflies often for Piano solos. Well, as for me, though ive played solos so many times, im still getting huge butterflies and moths in my stomache. Thats the worst!

He played well, and i sat backstage, waiting for the ballerina to come collect her stocking from me. She has to change her costume, so i had to hold her big bulky dress for her too. Its so funny, because the other girls were all laughing at me. I was nice enough to help her, and i think i'll be helping her for the other 2 performances, tonight and tomorrow night.

Soon, after the short interval, its my turn. I sat there, and the curtains drew back, the lights litted on the dancers. I knew, its my cue, and i had to play the first note. There goes...

It ended, and i was kinda still pumping away... but kinda relaxed surprisingly. As i went backstage, Jamaludin said it was a good job. The dancers did very well! After their final piece, which is a premiere in Singapore, we were invited back on stage, WenYang and i. We bowed, and were given a bouquet each. We walked to the side, and the lecturers were then invited on stage. Grand finale, and thats the end of the concert. The lights went out, and the curtains fell.

We waited for the dancers to have a last briefing, and for them to move out. We shook hands with Michael, Jamaludin and other lecturers. So, our reporting time tomorrow will be later, maybe at reporting time would do. Well, i'll go slightly earlier to prepare myself.

I took the flowers, and headed upstairs to level 6. QingLun saw me, and he read my resume, pointing out silly sentences and laughing at my photo. What great encouragement i have from a good friend. He said that if i were to list out the names of the masters which ive attended masterclasses from, then he would have too many to write. Well, thats ur problem, if u wanna write, u write. If u dun wanna write, then dun laugh at others who do write. By the way, ive seen so many resumes talking about who they've attended masterclasses from. So, its not like every resume must be according to a specific style. Moreover, by doing what u did, ur actually insulting resumes by people like WuYuXia, MikeChiang and YouGuo, because i referred to their's mostly for the resume's structuring. I wasnt angry, but just kinda disgusted how narrow sometimes people can think.

He headed downstairs with me, and i wanted to give him a ride to Bedok, because we're going there. But he refused and he left... Thanks for accompanying me downstairs and opening the door for me while my hands were all busy. Thanks, QingLun.

We left for Bedok, only to find ourselvse stuck in the traffic. We fetched the girls and her friends, and we all headed for supper. Where? At the minced pork noodles market. There, i met LianWei and his friends, including Desmond and his friend, the 2 Clarinetists. Well, ate alot... i ate 2 bowls of noodle, and ate some shellfish, but its kinda spicy... i almost burnt my tongue.

Got home, after fetching the girls home, and lastly... she had to fetch ShuYing and her mother to ChoaChuKang, then she'll head to Malaysia and back for petrol.

I was trying to blog, only to find myself getting lazier and lazier. Its the ideas, they are running dead... So, here i am blogging away... and im going to attend to my avatar on IMVU! I got to encourage people to register the IMVU, and some will be my new target, and i got to ask Dedric, Michelle, MinHui, Richard, Grace and others to register already.

Damn, MinHui has an account already! Damn it! Im joking... im fine.

Evan and Jwen must be so jealous! Coterminious reactions...

Malapropism

2007-03-09T00:18:00.001+08:00

I warned others about donkey today. I feel good.

I woke up late, and thanks to SiHan's morning call, which was only half an hour before the exam starts! I had to rush downstairs, without bathing and even changing, just brushing my teeth and washing my face, and im lucky to board onto a cab quickly. Anyway, who would take cab at that time? Its super expensive! When i got to school, i had to pay $16, originally only $11. Thanks to the government for the extra charge for peak periods and stuff. I remembered back then, theres no such thing as ERP. Well, now with that money eating machine, its no wonder the fireworks can last for 5 minutes.

LianWei got there first even though he boarded the cab later than me. Well, we're both late, and we both headed to the computer lab to finish up with our aural work. EricWatson was very kind, he allowed us to take the paper at the later slot. Im so thankful! So, we went on with the composition, if u get what i mean, and even May sat down with us and started composing.

I heard from YinXuan that the rhythmic dictation was easy. When i got my paper, it looked easy for sure. The melodic dictation was played, and while he walked around to check on the aural book, i noticed some people cheating! My goodness! Those China people are really daring. So intrepid, they just stuck out their head and just copied, and could even ask for the answers! LeeTung saw, and we exchanged a wierd face. I even hinted for LianWei to take a look. Well, total ownage man. She's good. Im not going to say who.

During the exam, i was terribly disturbed by the rhythmic dictation. I felt that its impossible for me to catch it, though its the easier. Its all quavers and crotchets, but i just cant get it. The first time he played it, i didnt catch a single ball! Im so going to fail. As for the harmonic dictation, i found it rather simple. Im stupid enough to put an Italian chord, when the answer was just straight in my face that its just a simple minor chord. I didnt know why, i thought so long for an answer... and tried my luck, even though im sure im wrong, that it might be the Italian chord. Im so screwed... Back then, im always around 80 to 90 for my aural, and recently, i checked my scores for the previous test, i got 56. How nice?

The huge gap made me worry much, but theres nothing much to trouble myself with now other than the upcoming concerts as well as the practical exam. Im worried... and shedding tears, thinking about what to do and when to do it. Ive things not done yet, its my history assignments as well as concert attendance portfolio. Ive a feeling that i might need to submit my history assessments as re-assessment. Im so dead.

Didnt eat. I headed home straight. Last night, i was on the phone with SiHan till i finished my aural work, ate supper and slept. LianWei conferenced with us for a few minutes before hanging up. Well, he was bored, and he kept hinting for me to go his house to accompany him. He even said, he's lonely. What the hell! He's joking, but recently... i think SiHan is getting more and more influenced by...

Schubert.

He kept tempting me with food over the phone. Well, i was really so hungry that i had to get a bite downstairs. So, even though i started later than SiHan by 40 pages, i finished the work faster than him! Because, he was busy eating and play games. I didnt skip much, and i tried my best to fill in every page, only leaving out at least 1 question or 2. Sometimes, i even left out 2 entire pages, because its just too hard to copy. I mean, do.

I got home, bathed, changed and used the computer. I took a cab down to school again for the dance rehearsal. I took my Pipa, changed my tape with courtesy of ShuMin, who lent me her tape. Im going to get more tape... In the morning, MrYeo met me and told me about my student, Veltrice. He said that she's playing the Pipa with this wierd and wrong technique. Im sure i thought her the right thing, and during practice, she did it well. However, i think she's still constantly seeking for speed more than accuracy. I think i need to talk to her about such things.

I got to the theatre, and saw them running through their dances. Its kinda interesting, with a wide genre, from ballet to modern Chinese contemporary... and even to Indian dance. I sat in the dark, with my Pipa tuned, and ready myself for the rehearsal. I kept my ring somewhere, and i think i lost it, because i couldnt find it just now. Im kinda disappointed actually... very sad that my ring is gone! Its expensive and its gone like that. Who could possibly have stolen it? I curse that theif that his hand will decompose and rot, till maggots feed on his flesh and flies lay their eggs in that decaying hand. Let that hand fester with pus, scars and infected by flesh-eating bacteria! Let that person die in horror, let his hand cause him to be handicapped, and moreover... let him have no more fingers to wear my ring. Even if he would to have passed it to someone else, his hand will still suffer the curse of my ring, and let whoeva touches it die in horror!

By the way, as i was saying, when its my turn, i headed backstage and the crew gave me a pickup microphone. He taped it to the side of my Pipa, and passed me this heavy thingi which looked like a walkietalkie, and he inserted it into my pocket. Its kinda too loud at first, so loud that with a slight touch, the microphone would magnify and amplify any little sound. Even when i fart, the whole theatre wont smell of it, but it'll sound like thunder.

I played the piece once the light started. Its kinda exciting actually, and with the microphone, i didnt need to stress my sound so much. Im happy enough... Well, ran through the whole piece, and i think i found myself more satisfied with the entire performance this time round. The music and the dancing matches more than before. Im sure the results are clear, but still... i think theres room for improvement on my part.

After rehearsing, i went off to have lunch with Rit, Moses, Michelle and MinHui. We headed to Bugis for lunch, and MinHui wanted to eat at Delifrance, but all of us didnt want to. Next time we'll eat there again, so cheer up! We ate next door, at Yoshinoya. I seldome eat there, and i think the food aint that bad, but still kinda expensive for little servings. The fries was like... merely 4 pieces. I was like... amazed that theres so many! So many!

We sat, and waited for Moses to order. He came, and told me that he doesnt wanna take the vegetable, and he passed me all his vegetable, including onions from his beef rice. Well, thats kinda strange, and its same as QiaoFang! She dun eat vegetables too. I asked if its a habit, and he said that it is. Moreover, he mentioned that he's allergic to sesame seeds. Imagine that! What about burgers? Moses is a very nice person, very open with his life and also with the things he says. I enjoyed talking and listening to him. We sat there, while Rit headed back to school first, and we chatted about his life in Russia. By the way, he'll be entering into the year 2s next academic year. It'll be exciting and more challenging for everybody. He's so pro, and yet he's coming into year 2. Spoil market right? Im joking. Well, we talked about Benedict too. Its good to know that he's changing, because if hes not, then i really pity him.

We talked alot, including things like how he got into MDC and stuff. So, its time for MinHui and Michelle to head back to school for their theory class, as for me, to practice my Pipa for another rehearsal at night. Moses headed off to the MRT station.

While walking back, MinHui was complaining about their theory teacher. Well, bitchy i guess. I mean the teacher. There are such teachers around, and im sure that some MOE teachers will become like that one day. I practiced my Pipa, and Michelle took her Pipa and practiced with me. I taught her some things about the concerto which i played for the competition last year. Well, its kinda fun.

After getting tired, i headed down to the recital hall to listen to the year 1 presentations. Well, i got to watch only Laurel and Terence's group. Laurel's group presentation was good and very interesting. They did it like a radio broadcast. There was Sebestian, Rekkha, Anthea, Richard, Jonathan and of course Laurel himself. I loved their sense of humour, as for the other group, its a video presentation like what ZhengYi did last year. I think its not as good as ZhengYi's, but it has its own interesting features. ShuMin was acting as Bach! My goodness, i broke into tears when i saw her footage.

After the whole presentation, i headed down to the theatre for another run through, but this time i brought ShuMin there. I guess she must have felt disgusted with my performance. Anyway, we did the same thing as before, but this time with our costumes. Im going to wear CSCO's coat, because the white Chinese costume is just too disgusting. Moreover, its not a full colour... because i dun have white bottoms. I mean, pants.

The rehearsal ended, and i headed to the Percussion studio to look for Sebestian and Richard. They were practicing and playing. Before that, i was so bored that i chatted with Jeremy in the toilet. I rolled my chair into the toilet, and sat there... chatting with Jereny, who was shitting! Well, the smell was too much for me to take... therefore, i left for the Percussion studio.

I entered, and i played some chords and showed Sebestian on how to improvise chords. Im not very good at it, but theres a way or 2 for me to figure chords out slowly. And for progressions and modulations, i thought him a few tricks on resolving to the tonic chord. Theres so much to explore on, other than to stick with the normal dominant's perfect cadence.

We played, and after that, we left for soya. Chatted about some animal, and i had dinner there. Soon, we were walking towards Bugis, to Richard's bus-stop, while trying to resolve this topic that Sebestian and Richard are arguing over with. Its about Percussion stuff, and i dun understand much, but i can try to apprehend whats going on.

In the bus, i told Sebestian some things. I adviced him on other things. Sometimes, i preach so much that i dun practice them at all, but its to inspire others as well as to enlighten them with their shadow of doubts. I gave him my advices and my own thinking about music as well as about healthy competition. Well, i hope that he'll think wider. Ur welcome, Sebestian. But remember, sometimes, u have to keep certain things to urself, for a reason as not to be hypocritical, but to be honest with oneself and not blunt.

Im home now. In the bus just now, an Indian lady sat beside me. She has a shoulder of a grown man, fist of a muscular guy, face like a hunk and ordour like just any other. And its obvious that she's a tranny! I was so shocked...

The unintentional humorous misuse of words is a skill which i have. Its also known as malapropism. Bad or not, its for u to figure. But till now, its kinda obvious that its bad at times.

Segue

2007-03-07T22:50:00.000+08:00

Slept late, woke up late. Had lunch with my uncle downstairs before he fetches me to school. Well, its my oral exam today. Im quite prepared, but as usual... i screwed it up. Ive watched the opera many times, listening to ever aria, and read every single part of the story. Well, my effort got paid off with a few long pauses, many stuttering and quite a few clear mistakes.

Before entering into the room, SiHan was telling me that he's going to fail his oral exam, because he wasnt allowed to change his topic to talk about. In the end, he has to talk about modernism, which i think would be kinda tough to do it impromptu, because u wouldnt expect the unexpected silence, and the stress... So, he did it, but he wasnt happy with it. During our turn, we all entered together and chose to sit together. I sat beside Fairul, and on my other side, theres LianWei and YinXuan. Other than them, theres LuHeng, YongRui, YanYa, Amy and some who came in later, YuJing, LiuSha and FeiYang.

DrKan wanted somebody who reviewed an opera to start off. We pointed all at Fairul. So, he started off, talking smoothly, but with very complicating points which i dun understand at all. Till now, i dun understand whether the main character is the woman or a guy, but i heard something like a girl likes her or something, so im thinking... isit a lesbian opera? Anyway, i dunno the title, and i really cant picture everything. Well, he didnt stutter much unlike me, but he did have pauses, short ones.

It was my turn, my heart skipped 2 beats, and i started off with the naming of the characters as well as the librettists. DrKan was giving me this face, and i was just pushing myself faster and faster, i had to skip small sections, because 3 minutes is really very short! I started off the opera, with the introduction, and slowly... i felt my lines fading away into blankness. In my mind, those that ive rehearsed and read to myself had gone, and there was nothing left but just a vague memory of the opera. I tried grabbing words, and finding words to express myself, but it all revolved around the same old vocab. I thought, im so dead. I really wanted to just stop there and cry. But well, it has to go on. Sometimes, with a slight mistake in my statement, DrKan would open her eyes really big. Well, i was nervous, especially during the parts which i had to pause to think, because its just too quiet! She told us to tell a story like telling our friends, but... its just not possible when the mood is so intensified. I lost my points... and started stuttering. I scrambled my way through, till the final act, and DrKan interrupted and told me to finish it up. Well, i was getting there, i didnt cut any part of the opera, and continued with my story till the end. The last act is the shortest, because Puccini died and his music stopped then. By the way, the story was completed by someone else... so, if ur curious, i posted the story of 'Turandot', the opera by Puccini, at my previous post, yesterday.

LianWei was next, and he talked about Wagner's opera. Well, the story was slightly more interesting with swords and dragons. I could tell that he was kinda nervous too, with his tongue tied at some places, he was stuck with his ideas, and the wierd names of the dwarf and the dragon. Fairul was laughing somemore... Finally, YinXuan's opera is the best. He chose the famous opera, 'Phantom of the Opera'. Now, how unknown can that be? So, everybody knows about it... and YinXuan used good vocab! Instead of saying, they didnt believe it, he said... they didnt believe the shit. DrKan's reaction was shocked, and we all broke into laughters.

Well, LuHeng's was the best. He spoke with a doctor's voice, and could tell that he is the most intellectual one around. Well, he is a composer! Good excuse right? I admired YuJing's courage, she spoke about impressionism, but she couldnt speak English well. She pronounced every word slowly, every consonant, and she spent kinda long talking about impressionism. I spent more than 3 minutes, at least 10, talking about 'Turandot'. All of them were limited to around 5 minutes actually. But mine was exceptionally long... but DrKan didnt stop me. After FeiYang's topic on impressionism, too, we all were dismissed. Im glad that its finally over! Now, ive to worry with my aural work, my essay and my assessments. Yes, one more, concert attendance! I havent wrote any concert reviews yet! Im kinda done with the masterclasses already. I asked if i can review a masterclass, which is burnt into VCD, and she allowed me to. Im happy.

Left for Sunshine with YinXuan and LianWei. Fairul headed off to Bugis to meet his friend, so we headed for dinner. I didnt eat much, just a chicken and some bittergourd. After that, we headed for soya. On our way back, we met Rit, he was heading to get some soya. In the lift, we met Rit, he came back with soya. Its either we're slow, or he's fast.

So, i took my aural book, and borrowed the CD from JunRu. I think JunRu is really nice to keep lending me things. Well, thanks so much. After LianWei got his book, we left for LAN.

Played and i walked towards my bus-stop and took bus 57, where i met Jamaludin in the bus. Well, overslept and found myself at Bishan's interchange. I walked all the way over to take bus 162. Im never going to take bus 57 again... unless i change to other buses. Anyway, i just got home, and now im sending YinXuan a Pipa concerto, i hope he'll enjoy it. For a Tuba player, its kinda strange that he would wanna listen to a Pipa concerto. Well, its great!

Im going to head off now to finish up with my work, so sorry, wont be blogging much for today. Anyway, theres nothing much to talk about...

I thought that with my preparation, my oral exam would be smooth, with no gagging and stuttering. Well, who knows? Guess its not that smooth as i thought it'll be.

Turandot

2007-03-07T00:02:00.000+08:00

Calming myself with religious music, Buddhism especially. Its called AryaEkadasa-MukhaDharani. Well, its a simple chant, with a smooth melodic line and acoustic features in this CD. I bought it back then, and i lent it to Rit, who only returned my yesterday. Thanks to him, and he read my post where i bitched about him. I hope honesty wont harm forever.

I just came home from Indochine, the forbidden city. Its a pub, and i prefer pubs so much better. I hate noisy places, where people dance in bright and blinking flashes. Then, people throw up and pick up their dates and stuff. Well, not for me, totally not. YinXuan, LianWei, Fairul and i spent $220 there. And to think of it, its considered cheap already! However, it could be cheaper... I'll talk about this later.

I woke up later due to the intense gaming last night. I slept for merely 5 hours. I took a cab down to school, though im not late. So, i didnt get myself any breakfast. I was walking around, still trying to refresh myself of all the things that Christoven taught me yesterday. The year 1s were walking out, and some were giving a sure fail face, and others smiling away. Well, as for me, im kinda sure that im going to be boiled like chicken.

I entered the hall, with MrYap smiling at me. I took a seat with Christoven and behind me were Jobyna and Jwen. Well, i was sure that im going to fail. I borrowed Jason's pen, pencil, ruler and eraser. How useless can i be? I think tomorrow's exam wont require stationery right? I didnt do anything smart or stupid. I took the paper, wrote my name and started wondering what to do with it. I cant fold paper cranes because i dunno how to...

I managed to fill in the blanks for pandiatonicism and quintal and quartal chords confidently. I think thats the only section which i prepared this morning. Though i cant name pieces which has them, for the quartal and quintal chords, im sure Debussy uses them often in his music. Pandiatonicism is just something which is so raw to me. I memorised its meaning before entering the hall... and thats all. I did the first question, the usual 4 part harmony, and i almost cried. I knew i was dead when i didnt find any pivoting point for enharmonic modulation. Its a confirm failure this time round. I scored quite well for my test, and i was very surprised, hoping that i'll do better this time, its indeed a fatter hope. It was by chance, and now... even by luck, i wont be able to make it through this paper.

As for the analysis section, i couldnt figure out the chords at all! I managed to find some common chords such as the five of five of five which proceeds to the five of five, then to five. Its horrible! I hate harmony, and its my final year doing it! I hope that i'll pass it once and for all! I wish not to do it again! Have pity on me! Heaven above, please look down on a pity boy for he wishes not to do harmony ever again in his life.

I headed for lunch after the paper. I was telling others about my modulation-less harmony. They all laughed at me. I knew it, im dead. Christoven was telling me about him finding no pivoting point to pivot back to the home key. Thats funny too. But at least he found somewhere to modulate! I found nothing! I used wierd chords. I tried to embellish my paper with ornaments and thats all... Thats it, dun u laugh at me.

Ate with LianWei, SiHan, Vincent, Christoven, Williana, Sonalia and WeiXiang. At first there was only SiHan, Christoven and i. But well, the more the merrier! After eating, some of us headed to soya stall, while some headed back to school. Sonalia, LianWei, Christoven and i drank soya and we let Sonalia try the dumpling.

Well, nothing else for them, Christoven headed to Novena to get his hair cut. I think he should cut his hair. He should let his hair grow for once, and then let us decide how he should manage his hair. His short hair has been there since the starting of this earth. I think its time to change the hairstyle. But first, we must let that hair grow!

I took Jason's music technology book and revised through the recording chain. I was watching this video on YouTube with LianWei. He laughed like mad. Then, EricWatson came, and chased everybody out of the com lab, because we're having our music technology exams there.

He passed us the paper, and i didnt know when we're starting, because everybody was still flipping through the papers... and EricWatson didnt mention anything about starting. I opened Sibelius, and nobody scolded me... and i arranged the scoring and prepared the file... and still, not scolded. So, i assumed that the exam has already started. I began first with the Sibelius scoring, and i found it rather simple... with many repetition of steps and just a few simple hotkeys to use. But there was something harder, the noteheads. I couldnt change the noteheads of the DrumKit. I think that sucked... and moreover, i accidentally pressed something, which shows the hit point on my score. Its impossible to remove it, and EricWatson couldnt remove it for me either. After finishing on Sibelius as well as Sonar, i filled in the answers to the 2 questions. The first question was simple, its about the difference between a MIDI file and a WAV file. Simple enough? The next question was slightly more troublesome, but as easy as the first, its about the recording chain, which EricWatson gave very direct hints about it coming out for the exam. In fact, he told us that it'll come out!

I completed the paper first, and told EricWatson to store the files into his disk. He was kinda shocked that i finished within an hour or less. He asked if ive completed everything, and he came over to check on my work. Thats when he explained to me about the noteheads, but didnt allow me to change them. And other than that, he tried deleting the hit point, but he couldnt. Anyway, he went around finding a suitable cable for his disk. In his disk, there was his compositions. I saw some and pointed to him, smiling...

I left the com lab first, and surprisingly, so much time for me to go complete me review on 'Turandot'. I walked to the library, and headed into the room. The librarian was telling me that i owe a fine for borrowing the opera. But hello? The opera is not allowed to be borrowed out by students. So, in any case, how isit possible that i got it out of the library? She waved the fine for me, and gave me the earpiece as well as the controllers to the TV and player.

I watched the opera again, because i simply love it! I wanna get the same edition, because its just too good. I wrote the review, but its more like a sypnosis. So, i think i'll have to finish up another review for the submission, as well as a shorter copy for my oral exam tomorrow. I cant wait for the exam, because its going to be fun and wierd... I wonder how it'll be like.

By the way, i'll post the sypnosis which i did later after the post. Its going to be exciting, and for those who are interested, please go read. Its very exciting and its a fantastic opera!

Anyway, after completing my work, i headed back to school. LianWei was asking me out, but i had to rehearse with the dance department. I headed over and took out my Pipa, only to snap the string within the first few minutes of strumming. I tuned it too high, no excuses. I just went through the points and the title of the piece is called 'In place', or something of that sort. Its going to be contradicting, because my playing wont be in place with the dancers. Its my fault mostly... i think. But well, they dun really listen out too. But its my role to wait for them actually. Nevermind, it was uncomfortable, but the rehearsal went fine.

I left, and headed to BK to meet up with SiHan and gang. After stealing fries from SiHan, and talking to Fairul, LianWei and YinXuan, we decided to head over to somewhere to play. Its either a movie or some pubs, but well... u know the final decision was the pub, because i just came back from Indochine. SiHan headed home, while we took bus 147 over to ClarkeQuay. Walked over, sang songs and shouted like girls. We walked for almost an hour, finding a place to settle down. We walked over to Brewerkz too, too bad that SiHan wasnt with us. We were at their doorstep, then we decided not to drink there. We walked back to Hooters, PumpRoom and many others. We walked around... and headed to Indochine. We were at the back, and there wasnt anybody serving us. So, we walked somewhere else. Who knows? We were walking... and we got to the front of Indochine, and we decided to enter then. The lady was kinda wierd... and the guy serving us was totally bullshit. I hate him, and if im his boss, looking at him like that, i'll sack him and fry his balls crispy like KFC.

He was afraid that we couldnt pay, and ordered us to leave a creditcard there or something. So, i left mine there. We ordered for up to $120 and we've no cash. Ive realised that at pubs, its always me paying. I gave them my card, because YinXuan doesnt have enough, same as LianWei, as for Fairul, no need to even mention about coins. We drank, as for me, i ate fingerfood mostly. I chewed on the ice from Fairul's vodka. I almost went drunk! The guy was walking around, looking at us... and i was really irritated. I kept cursing him...

The place was kinda cozy and nice. It has this dark China look. We sat on this huge bed, and with pillows. We were cuddling there and bitching about people. All of us bitched around... and scolded each other and laughed ourselves drunk. I kept asking LianWei to take photos of us. He was like... pissed off. After that, i initiated about ordering another platter. This time, its a most expensive one at $75. It didnt hurt, but i felt happier! We ate and ate and ate...

Was licking our fingers, and drinking beer while bitching around and lying about the huge bed. Soon, i felt this itch and asked if they're feeling this itch in their hair. We were all scratching our heads for a moment.

Well, its time to leave, i paid signed the bill and we headed out. Its around $220, and im paying for the GST, because im so generous. As for them, they'll just pay $27 on top of their own drink. So, its roughly about $50 each.

We walked to the bus-stop, and i took bus 851 home, while LianWei's bus came in time too. YinXuan crossed the road, leaving Fairul alone. Poor thing.

Thats the end of our journey today to Indochine. Its my first time there, and its slightly getting better with places like that, but still... pubs instead of clubs. Chilling out is still a better choice...

Here is the sypnosis of 'Turandot'...

The Opera begins with a heavy introduction of the Brass. An official announces the law of the land: Any man who desires to wed Turandot must first answer her three riddles. If he fails, he will be beheaded. The crowded surges towards the gates of the imperial palace, crying for blood, as the Official announces that the Prince of Persia has failed and is to be beheaded at moonrise.

As the commotion takes place while a blind old man is pushed to the ground. His slave girl, Liu, cries for help and a young man hears her cry and recognizes the old man as his long-lost father, Timur, the deposed king of Tartary. The young prince of Tartary urges his father not to speak his name because he fears the Chinese rulers who have conquered Tartary. Timur then tells his son that of his entire servant; only Liu has remained faithful to him and she is Timur’s only guide.

The executioner enters the stage with a large blade. The music written is highly energetic as the crowd cries for blood while the executioner sharpens his blade. The moon rises and the crowd’s cries for blood turn into silence, Puccini’s music falls immediately into a mysterious quiet and soothing melody. The lighting of the stage is excellent, with a sudden contrast of the red background, into a dark blue night. The faces of the crowd turned from red into pale blue. The theme is written with materials from traditional Chinese music. I am surprised that the melody is taken from a Chinese folk song, ‘Mo Li Hua’.

The doomed Prince of Persia is led before the crowd on his way to execution, firstly led by monks with white lantern. The crowd’s mood turns to mercy, they call on Turandot to spare the Prince. The Prince of Tartary, Calaf, cries out for mercy and curses Turandot for being cruel and cold. The executioner holds his blade against the Prince of Persia as they continue for the execution. Turandot appears behind a cloth at a tower, and with a single gesture, orders the execution to continue.

Calaf, who has never seen Turandot before, falls immediately in love. As he cries out her name with joy, Timur, his father, is shocked. Timur urges his son to desist, and Liu, pleads with him not to attempt the riddles. Wishing to triumph over her beauty, he walks towards the Gong, which was hung in front of the imperial palace. The ministers Ping, Pong and Pang then appear suddenly, warning him that Turandot is unattainable. I personally feel that the ministers are the jester figures in the opera. They mock at Calaf for his blind love towards Turandot. They warn Calaf of the Gong, but he refuses to listen. The lighting and mood changes, as the focus now falls upon the spirits of those who died for Turandot. The hanging skulls from the gates are amazing, as they were there but only lit up during the specific section. Calaf hears them, singing of their love even though they are dead. Calaf is obviously blindly fallen for Turandot, even though the ministers showed Calaf of the head of the Prince of Persia.

Calaf refuses to listen to them and rushes to the Gong. Calling Turandot’s name, he strikes the Gong three times, thereby declaring himself a suitor. Before doing so, Liu cries her heart as she sympathizes for Timur who will lose his only son for the sake of love. She sings with an amazing vocal, crying out her pain and tells Calaf that she can bear no more to see Timur suffer. Calaf remains persistent and stubborn. The crowd comes forth, crying out for Calaf not to attempt the riddles. After the striking of the Gong, everybody cries of horror and scatters off, leaving Liu, Timur and Calaf at the front of the imperial palace.

Ping, Pang and Pong lament their place as ministers, poring over palace documents and presiding over endless rituals in a form of a canon, reciting over one another. Before sunrise, at a pavilion in the imperial palace, they prepare themselves for either a wedding or a funeral. They are tired of counting the rolling heads after every hits of the Gongs, ever riddles, and ever funeral. They consider themselves as the ministers of the execution now, because they are always so busy with the funerals of the foolish madmen who drive themselves into graves because of love.

Ping suddenly longs for his country house in Honan, with its small lake surrounded by bamboo. Pong remembers his grove of forests near Tsiang. As for Pang, he recalls his gardens near Kiu. Music at this section becomes dreamy and with beautiful melodic lines, as slowly the three sings together, sharing fond memories of life away from the palace. Suddenly, they are shaken back to the realities of Turandot’s bloody reign. They continually accompany young men to death and recall their ghastly fate, seeing hopeful ones to their graves.

As the palace trumpet sounds, the ministers ready themselves for another spectacle as they away the entrance of the Emperor.

The crowd sings as they await the entrance of the Emperor. The ministers slowly enter into the courtyard of the palace at sunrise, accompanying them are Chinese acrobats. It is a fascinating view, as the Emperor Altoum, father of Turandot, arrives on his grand throne in his palace. Three times he urges the Prince to withdraw his challenge, and three times the Prince refuses. Turandot enters, and the music lightens as she unveils herself.

She explains, in the aria "In questa reggia", that her ancestress of millennia past, Princess Lo-u Ling, was ravished and murdered by a foreigner, and now out or revenge she has sworn not to let any man possess her. She furiously points her finger at Calaf, and says that Princess Lo-u Ling was dragged away by a man like him. She wants to take revenge out of Calaf of Princess Lo-u Ling’s purity. For trying his fortune, he has to attempt the three riddles, after hearing Turandot claiming that no man shall ever possess her. Turandot discourages Calaf to attempt the riddles, but with determination, the Prince insists on Turandot of giving him the riddles.

With the Emperor’s sacred oath, Turandot has no choice but the pose her first riddle; there hovers in the dark of night a phantom of many colors. It spreads its wings and soars high above the sorrow of human life. All the world calls to it, and all the world implores it. But the phantom vanishes at dawn to be reborn in every heart. And every night it is reborn only to die again each day.

Immediately, with the sudden entry of the strings, Calaf answered Turandot’s riddle with a simple answer; it is hope. Turandot unnerved presents her second riddle; it darts like a flame, but it is not fire. At times it brings delirium. It burns like a fever, a passion. Inertia makes it flag. If you lose heart or die, it grows cold. But if you dream of conquest, it flares up again. Its voice fills you with dread and its glow is like the sunset.

The crowd urges the Prince not to waver. The Prince thinks for a moment before replying, the answer runs in his veins; it is blood. Turandot is shaken, as she furiously shouts for the crowd to be silent, she presents her third riddle; it is ice that sets you afire and it turns that fire to ice. It is both light and dark. In setting you free, it enslaves you. But by enslaving you, it makes you king.

As the Prince thinks, Turandot taunts him, inflicting him with fear. Suddenly, he cries out victory and announces the answer; Turandot!

The crowd cheers for the triumphant Prince, Turandot is horribly shocked and shaken. She throws herself at the Emperor’s feet and pleads him not to leave her to the Prince’s mercy. The Emperor has a sacred oath to fulfill and he insists that Turandot’s duty is to wed the Prince. Still shaken, Turandot yells at the Prince who has won victory over her. She tells him that she will never be his, but the crowd cheers on and claims that she is the Prince’s reward.

Knowing that it is impossible to embrace the proud Turandot forcefully, knowing that she is unwilling, he claims that he would have her burning with love. The crowd admires his bravery and his boldness. Calaf walks towards the Emperor, and challenged Turandot, posing just one riddle for her to figure. As she cries out in anger, the Prince stops her and has a proposal for her; you do not know my name, tell me my name, tell me my name before the break of dawn and at dawn I shall die.

The Emperor declares that he hopes to the call the Prince his son by daybreak. Turandot accepts the riddle, with no choice; she has to find out the Prince’s name before dawn.

In the distance, the Official calls out Turandot’s command; this night, none shall sleep in Peking! The penalty for all will be death if the Prince’s name is not discovered by morning!

The Prince, in the aria "Nessum droma", anticipates his victory. He thinks that his secret is hidden deep in him, and nobody shall ever discover it. He will only reveal his true name if he kisses Turandot, to break the silence and make her smile. However, if he does not reveal his name, the people will perish. Not knowing what cruelty Turandot is capable of, Ping, Pong and Pang warns the Prince of Turandot’s malicious character.

They try offering him anything that he wants, from women to riches, if only he would give up on Turandot, but he refuses. The Prince is selfish and wants only Turandot, and he would not reveal his name. The crowd threatens him with Timur and Liu. They found them both and knows that they are related to the Prince, because they were seen speaking before. The ministers as well as the crowd wish not to die, therefore, they threatens in vain to use tools to force open the sealed lips of Timur and Liu.

Turandot arrives, and orders for Timur to speak the name of the unknown Prince. The Prince feigns ignorance, saying that they know nothing. Liu declares that she alone knows the Prince’s name, bearing the torture that Timur had gone through.

Liu is persistent about revealing the name though she was put into torture by the soldiers. Turandot orders for them to release her, and she asks her who put so much strength in her heart. Liu, answered; princess, it is love! From her sacrificial behavior and the willingness to be tortured for the Prince, it is obviously that Liu is secretly in love with the Prince, Calaf.

Turandot is clearly taken by Liu’s resolve, and demands that Ping tear the Prince’s name from Liu, and he orders her to be tortured. Liu counters Turandot in her aria "Tu che di gel sei cinta", saying that she too shall learn love. Liu daringly points at Turandot and teaches her about love. Having spoken, Liu seizes a dagger from a soldier’s belt and stabs herself.

As she staggers towards the Prince, and falls dead, the crowd screams for her to speak the Prince’s name. Turandot is shaken by Liu’s declaration of love, but stood coldly in a distance. Since Timur is blind, he must be told of Liu’s death. He crawls towards Liu, trying to wake her up in a fatherly manner. Knowing that she is dead, he cries out in anguish. Timur warns that the gods will be offending by such outrage, and the crowd is subdued with shame and fear, begging for the offended spirit to forgive them.

The grieving Timur and the crowd follow Liu’s body as it is carried away. Even Ping, Pang and Pong express remorse and leave Turandot and the Prince alone.

Here, Puccini’s work ends. This opera was left incomplete after his death, but the music was completed later by Franco Alfano.

The Prince tries to convince Turandot to love him. At first, she is disgusted, but after he kisses her, she feels herself turning towards passion. As dawn breaks, the Prince reveals his name; Calaf, son of Timur.

At the courtyard of the palace at dawn, Turandot and Calaf approach the Emperor’s throne. She declares that she knows the Prince’s name; his name is… love! As the crowd cheers, bringing the music into a climax, the Emperor blesses them both and the curtains fall.

I think this is slightly too much for a sypnosis. Its not short and summarised at all! Great!

The Black Spot

2007-03-05T23:54:00.000+08:00

Im feeling wierd. Its not love. I think its SiHan's IPod, which made me kinda dizzy during the bus ride. Moreover, for the amount of chocolate and milk i took today, i think im going to throw...

I woke up around noon, and headed down for lunch then to school. I reached school at 4pm. On the bus, i met Rit, and he returned me my CD with the $10 inside. Im surprised.

I walked to the library, and into the room to watch the opera again. "Turandot' is a fantastic opera! I love it so much. Probably its because that its the first ive watched completely. Its probably the relation with China as well... But whateva it is, i love it! The singing and the music is just too beautiful. The captivating parts are so striking that i just wanna cry out loud for the sake of music! My goodness, i was sitting there, staring into Turandot's eyes, and listening to the high notes of Calaf. I love it! I love it!

Anyway, ive managed to do half of the review. Im stuck at the second act. Tomorrow, after my papers, i'll have to rehearse with the dance, and i think i seriously need time for my own studies. I cant allow this to occupy my own time. Though i should be responsible for rehearsing with the dancers, i think i should care more for my own papers, instead of their graduating performance. Look at it this way, im doing it for the sake of others, but who will care for me? I will have to.

After doing the review, Jamaludin called me. I headed down to the theatre, and found the hall to be in total darkness. I saw some lightings on stage, and heard Jamaludin calling me to enter. I found a seat with the help of my handphone's light. Then, i headed outside to wear my nails and to tune the Pipa. I didnt warm up at all, and i have no time to actually. In the end, i went on stage to try out the arrangement as well as the microphone. On that day, it'll be a different microphone, so... no problem.

I played and the dancers danced. Jamaludin wasnt happy, he cut and asked for the dancers to start again because they were marking. What is marking? I asked the dancers, and one of them told me that it means that they are not dancing properly. Cool, marking...

We played through the piece, and i entered early for one part. Other than that, i think im doing fine. Im lazy to play the whole piece with full strength, so i cheated for most of the parts. During the performance, and the recording, i'll try my best to insert my full energy, which shouldnt be more than the energy to brush ur teeth.

After rehearsing, i kept the Pipa and headed to the bus-stop with QingLun. We were talking, and suddenly, a caterpiller interfered. I was telling him about politics in this circle. Well, he doesnt understand what im trying to bring across, but he is right about his own ideas. But u think about it urself, it sounds right in the mind, but... does it feel right? Dun always listen to ur mind, sometimes... i think its more important to listen to the heart. If we work everything out with the mind, what makes us different with computers? Only that they're so much faster. We have emotions, and we should follow them more often than to base our theories with our brain. I know that though its nothing wrong, but things like that causes much chaos in a once peaceful circle that i lived in. In fact, from the day i stepped into this world, the dark spot has already been spreading around. It has caused misery to many, and trouble to others. As for me, it doesnt affect me much, probably its because of my lower confidence now that makes me weak and weaker. I know, in the end, its my problem that im weak, ive nobody to blame. Nobody to blame? Or do i? We're complaining because we're the loser. Its like playing a game, if u lose... u lose, but how do u feel when u lose? When u lose, do u want the winning opponent to mock at u? Or do u wish for the enemies to take advantage of ur misery? I dun think theres a need to. Moreover, some may just leave a game. In this world, how can we leave? We have nowhere else to flee to... Its either we change our route, or we die. So, in the end... whats causing this failure? Isit us, or isit the only rising problem? Who is setting the standard? Isit the black spot, or the common spots?

I alighted the bus, and left QingLun there with just my short conclusion. I walked towards PacificCoffee with an unstable mind. I was pestered by the fact that QingLun managed to bring to me the rejected point of view. I cannot take it, but i listened silently. I think he is right. But, i cannot accept it as the reason for such disturbance in the waters. Well, a political point of view comes from the mind. Mine comes from the heart, which is fragile and not conspicuous in any way as to compare against reality. In this world, everything in court comes from solid black and white statements. Mine is red, it isnt valid...

Met up with Christoven, Audrey, Jwen and Evan. Well, i sat beside them at started calling SiHan. He was complaining that i left him alone. Well, he had lesson and he headed to school because i didnt pick up his call. I dunno why, but i forgotten about him suddenly. Evan was teaching them harmony, and after that, they all headed home. As for Christoven, he promised to teach my what he has learnt later...

We headed for dinner. I wasnt hungry, so i ordered a large coleslaw, which tasted terrible! Im never going to eat that in KFC ever again. Please remind me never to order that again, if i do, please slap me. Maybe not, just tell me not to. Well, i copied some notes over... and a list of terms that might come out for exam. Im kinda shocked that if those words are coming out, im screwed. We talked over dinner, and he was telling me about some people. Well, i cant agree less. I cannot take the attitude anymore! Its irritating, like a fucking irritating bitch diva. If u cant be one, u dun. Divas are generally bitchy, but nice. If ur irritating and a bad diva, its called a bitch or slut. As for Christoven, he is just a diva, WhampoaHilton. As for me, im just the other girl...

Thats not the point! I just cant take the silliness that is driving this social circle mad. People are backstabbing others, while those who have a huge blade stuck behind their backs are not aware of it at all. Those who backstabbed others are stilling fooling around backstabbing more. Those who are bleeding to death are still blind and ignorant that its the one with the knife that is doing the backstabbing! How stupid? How idiotic can people be?

We tossed the topic aside, because its stupid. We headed to MaxBrenner'sChocolateBar, and i got myself the Suckoa, while Christoven ordered Trinidad's white chocolate. Mine came, and its like this incense burning, with a small tiny pot on top. Im supposed to fill it up with this little mug of milk, and this plate of dark chocolate. Its cool, and i think im lucky because that guy gave me alot of chocolate! Others got little, but due to my attractive character, he gave me more. Im sure.

Christoven went through the important notes with me. He taught me the things that he heard from Evan. But the best thing is that, he doesnt even know whether he is sure of the answer! He just told me to follow the progression... without a proper explanation why. He even came up with his own terms. Suspension is known as a drag. U know? Sissy kinda drag. My goodness... i'll never send my children to Christoven's harmony school. MrYap beware, Christoven will start a rival school soon! A revolutionary music school!

SiHan came later, and he blamed us for not calling him along to KFC. Well, we didnt plan to eat there, but we did. Moreover, i persuaded him for so long just now. He didnt wanna come... so too bad! He ordered the same thing as me, but with white chocolate instead. It came with this plate of little white chocolate beads. They looked like dog's chocolate. Cool...

I remembered feeding my dog last time with chocolate. In the end, im feeding myself more than the dog. Fond memories...

Anyway, after talking crap... we left. I headed home on a bus with SiHan. I alighted at his stop, and changed from bus 70 to 76. In the bus, my bladder was exploding. I ran home, and my bladder exploded in time. I released a gush of pee in the toilet.

There are things that i need to blog out, but i need a more private place. Actually, i already got one... its a secret garden... where i plant my secrets and watch them grow. But, should i? If not, then its hard for me to always fool around with words and hidden names...

Well, for those who might guess it right, ur right. If not, then too bad. If ur guessing it wrong, then please check with me, i dun want people going around with misunderstandings and causing more trouble than it already is.

Politics patrol the landscape, and cold wars galumph the surface of this earth. Should we look to the black spot? Or should we sometimes just ignore it and just live on among with the common spots.