Wait For Me

Whats reading without imagination? Whats blogging without emotions? Read slowly.

That night, i stayed up. I waited... and u know how it feels? Well, silly me. U know, every single day, its always this day that wakes me up. Putting me to sleep even. Why? Because sleeping would bring me one day closer. Now, i just dun feel like sleeping, because i dun want this day to just fly away again. Again, it has. Silly me... even now, im still holding hopes for next year.

U know, that wind that blew me coldly on the face that day? Its that familiar wind that blows on us that very day, and again, on this very day. Its not even my birthday that i'll mark my calendar with the sweetest lipstick. Its not even anybody's! I just feel so angry that it just goes by like that everytime. U know? Do u feel how i feel? I know its been said before. I just cant stop myself from cooking up my emotions. U know, its been locked since very long. The keys, only u know where they are. Please, give it back. Please.

Many people have their reasons to live on. I stare out the window every dawn, to surprise myself that its grey than whats often believed as a bright lovely sunrise. Sadly, nobody has really sat there every single dawn to witness its reality. Its been raining heavily almost every morning on odd days. I stare out... and wonder what brings these people to strive on in life. Isit career? Isit family? Somehow, i know its never love. Though it brings people to life, and powerful enough to take it away, i think its a chain, a shackle. Ive experienced it before, a few times... and not forgetting seeing others changed. Some disfigured themselves, while some hiding the pain. Swallow hard, and even harder ur gone. Uve seen those grey skies, havent u?

Best friends. Yes, a few loyal ones... and quite a handful of fair-weathered ones. Well, many fell into dangerous predicaments. Dilemma, such horrible clutches. We stood at the cross roads, but never once chose the same path. Life's like that, reality even worse, they'll let u make ur decisions. But, they wont send u ur bill till uve chosen the wrong path. Ive seen many fly. They fly fast, really fast. Nesting around with other flocks, yes... a common sight. A pain at times, but a sigh mostly, a deep regret.

So, recently i had a BBQ with some of my friends. When i detached myself from my usual gang, i bubbles started to pop. I know, i cant just stick with them forever. I thank this person for always being so concern. Thanks for the cheering, those words. I think its really too much for what i deserve. I look to myself in the mirror, and i see wasted friendships. Those were scars, marked on my face and will never leave me alone. Haunting me every minute, every second... only times when im sleeping, dreaming is the last place i hope to remind myself of such nightmares. And yes, most of the time... i'll smile to myself, for having such a friend. Indeed, a treasure from the pirate's box.

I think it was great, kindled some new bonds, and repaired some old ones. I invited ChaiXia over, and there are some secret dealings we made. Well, hope that she enjoyed herself, i didnt have time to entertain her much, because i was having trouble entertaining myself. I tried watching some VCDs, but it didnt work. We played games, and it was a hell load of fun for me. Im really bored. Soon, time slipped away like sand and it was time for lights out. There were 4 beds, but 1o of us. Its obvious that its impossible to contain all of us, i didnt sleep. Im not sure, maybe its the discontent that killed my mood.

Theres nothing for me to say, because its not anybody's fault. But, theres just this reason for myself to boil. Ive endured this aversion since the BBQ, but theres no valid reason for myself to get upset. Im at wrong, i know. But i cant just forget it. The uneasiness didnt falter, it lasted till i put myself to sleep. I slept at home.

I was sitting on the bed, and it was quite a rash decision for me to just leave. Dedric wanted to go home, and he offered me a ride. It wasnt me to say no. But, that day, i rejected.

Lyrics and music filled my mind. It brought away the dismay, and brought to me hopelessness. I sat in the chilling bus, dared not rest my eyes, but did not have the courage to settle my thoughts. This train of thoughts have been running ever since that day. U might not know, but this shine began a long time ago. So early, u might not even know me then. But it was that smile, from then i knew. Ur my friend.

Fondness, its my biggest mistake. I feel that its a bridge that cannot be destroyed. I cant live on with my sleepless nights. But, im going to.

Lets wait for next year then. Lets wait.