Behind The Iron Curtain

I cannot imagine the stillness. U know how that feels? Well, i'll assume that u dun. I know, its not a thing that everyone will go through. The rhythm of my life falls under a slower pace as to those who are considered around my age. I dun just look old, i think old, but not mature, and i dress old, but not formal. Its just me, the dull old me. But now, its the last day of 2006, but theres just too much mystery behind the curtain of 2007. I have plans, and i know that i'll be busy. Honestly, i dun really care. What i look forward to will be something thats within a seed. I hope it grows. Ive been waiting for too long... Please tell me that the harvest is nearing, for that im growing tired. Im afraid that i'll not live long enough to see its harvest. Im afraid.

I woke up to a gloomy morning. The air was bad. The rain brought trouble along, and it stayed within my room, where i sleep with it everyday. Its no wonder that i'll wake up feeling dismal and crabbed. Then i thought, its not the stillness thats in the air. Its sullenness. I kept quiet for a moment while with my eyes still closed. I sat up and searched for my phone in the dark.

Not a single message, neither a single missed call. I threw my phone aside and headed back to bed. My head starting spinning as i wonder more and more about horrible experiences and joyous occasions. Of course, the ratio leans slightly over to the ordeals. With so much going on inside, i couldnt get myself to wonder back to dreamland. So, i hesitantly took my phone and headed to the bathroom to freshen up.

I stopped by the window and looked far across to the other side of the road. Everybody's dolled up and packed with plans. Its going to be a wild celebration tonight for many. Well, i consider myself with the minority who has to be alone, especially on such occasions. I headed into the bathroom and took a closer look into the mirror. I didnt see no orc today. I saw an ogre. It has only been the first week of holidays and im already exploding into the size of an elephant. Mom is right, im always growing out of my clothings wheneva its the holidays. I wanna change, but its something that will collide against my character. I'll work with time, and lets see where it'll bring me. Its reality that we're living in, no more fairytales and no more of those righteous statements. Hello, and welcome back into reality dude. Its just another slap on the face.

I took out my shirt, and found my black pants in the pail. Mom didnt wash it, but i needed to wear it for my performance later in the evening. I sniffed and found no smell, so i thought it should be probably washed. I didnt care, and i wore it. Though the day looked promising, but i had doubts about it. Ive realised that i shouldnt trust anything, not even mother nature for instance. As im naive and always there to repeat my mistakes, i thought maybe i should just leave the umbrella at home.

So, i headed out with my Pipa and just my belongings. I took a bus towards the MRT station. My hair was still wet, and my face was brushed with the unfeeling coldness in the bus. Everybody looked so fresh and ready for a party, except for me. I felt embarrassed, and i felt totally wasted, so i turn my head against their faces to hide away from their staring.

I took the MRT down to Cityhall. DongXiao was punctual, but she had to wait there for me, because i'll be late. My ears were muted, i couldnt hear anything on the train. The only noise that i heard was coming from my head. The only voice that i heard was coming from me. I was talking to myself silently. Pressing myself with questions to answer, and demurs to argue. I told myself to shut up, and i shouted to stop it. I couldnt answer them, and i still cannot. When the silence fell back into place, i heard them calling... im already at Cityhall.

DongXiao waited for me at the bank. She wore this makeup and she looked different. We were laughing and sharing different conversations. Well, im quite sure that it'll be safe to play with her, because she'll have more experience with pieces and songs, though she doesnt know how to improvise much. We walked towards Suntec, and found ourselves a Japanese restaurant for dinner.

She insisted that she'll treat me because im the one who introduced her to the performance. Its merely $250, but trust me, its one of the highest paid performance already. Usually, its only either $50 or till the most, $120. Ive arranged with Trissy for the price of $250, and i think its worth it because its a performance during a holiday. Good for me, ive nothing planned, and for her, she'll have to go meet up with her friend after the performance. Previously, i thought of asking QingLun, but Trissy told me before that they'll not want any Flutes, because they've one playing at another area already. So, i'll only have a choice of either the ErHu, or the Zheng. And well, of course, the ErHu. Ive been working with ErHus for so many years. Ive never tried playing with the Zheng before, because the tuning bit is quite a problem.

We were so full. The meal was $44, and i think its not really worth it. We were eating sushis and only a bowl of soba each. After eating, we travelled to the hotel by foot. I brought her around and showed her the way to the hotel. I was worried that we'll not have enough time, because we'd only 5 minutes left to travel to the hotel. Every step was difficult, especially with such a heavy load in the stomach. We climbed stairs because the hotel is located at higher grounds. When we're there, we were almost panting away.

The guy gave us a room. Its the same old room which FuKang and i used last year. In fact, i was the one who asked for that lousy room. He wanted us to leave our things on the floor at where we'll be performing. That'll be ugly, wont it be? DongXiao and i headed to the restroom, though i could have just put on my clothing like that. She needed company, because she has to change into another attire. I went to the toilet to cut my nails, and tried putting on the clothing. I couldnt button the top notch, because im either too fat, or that it has always been that way. Actually, it has always been like that since 2 years ago. I remembered having Stanley to help me button them everytime. This time, its DongXiao's turn. She thought that i'll be faster, because i'll just have to put on the clothing, but she had to wait outside with her costume for me instead. She felt so embarrassed. She helped me with the button, and after a few attempt, it got in.

She told me that i looked wierd, because the button made me looked so tight and as though that i cannot breath. So, i unbuttoned the first notch and made myself more comfortable. I hate the clothing, because its not flattering, and its very ugly. Its bright yellow, and it makes me look even bigger than usual. Anyway, the clothing belongs to Stanley, i must find some time to return it back to him. Its been 2 years, and im so sorry.

We took our seats and requested for 2 chairs without the armrest. We tuned our instruments slightly higher, because it'll sound nicer and probably more in tune. The first piece was quite a screw up. I was hoping that she can cover me up, but in the end, we're both looking out for each other most of the time. As for her, she doesnt know how to improvise, but she knows quite a few melodies. She told me that she has done many of such performances before back in HongKong, with a YangQin friend. They worked in the hotel almost every night for almost a year. They get paid like $100 a night, for 3 sets of 45 minutes. If i can do that, it'll be enough for me. I think they work on odd days only. Anyway, the first set was the best. The people were polite and very appreciative. There was this Australian group who clapped for our every piece. They even wanted us to play a song for them, but i couldnt remember the tune at that moment. I felt sorry, when the guy left, we exchanged some eye contact, and he even winked at me! Its funny and scary... DongXiao and i went on for 3 sets, until we couldnt take it no more. During the second set, they changed the chairs back to those with the armrest. We didnt pursue, and we went on with those chairs. It was so uncomfortable, because we had to sit out to play. We tried quite a few pieces, but there were many which sounded quite badly. I had to play this solo pieces for this old uncle. He wanted to hear the famous Pipa solo, 'ShiMianMaiFu'. So, i played it, though i cut off many important parts, i jumped straight to the back. I stress DongXiao to play some ErHu solos, and she even played 'Czardas', with me on the Pipa accompanying. It was so hard to follow, because she's constantly going faster and faster. I think its the rushing habit of fast running notes. As for me, my accompaniment fell on every offbeat, so... its tough to follow especially when she's rushing.

Finally, after a long day of work, merely just 3 sets of 45 minutes, we get our reward. Its $250 each, and thanks to DongXiao for the meal. She treated me to the Japanese meal, though i insisted that i shall pay her some money, because i still owe her money from a meal previously. And so, i gave her all notes i have. I saved myself with a $50 note, and hoping that i wont spend it tomorrow.

Well, its a quiet night for me. In my heart, im still searching for an answer to flush away those memories and pain of 2006. I boarded my bus, and headed back home. On my way, i saw many people gathering at Esplanade. I watched the skies, hoping that it'll burst with fireworks, but i knew, its too early. Its still an hour away from midnight, and for me, im just an hour away from 2007, as similar for many too. But for me, its different, because its just me that i think about these days. I dun think of anyone around me, neither do i think of people i love. I just think, its all about me tonight. Nobody can help me resolve my problems, and nobody can answer all of my questions. Its all me, and up to me to deal with it.

I sat in the bus, and soon... i fell asleep. Maybe its destiny... I went into rest, and left all my unanswered questions back where they belong. 2006 will go, and never return. I'll miss those days, because its so little to me. And i'll miss those moments, because its so precious to me. And of course, i'll miss one person, who is so dear to me. He left this year. And soon, it'll be over, and its another year. 2007 will turn my pages yellow, my photos dusty and my memories murky. I think its time to rest, and not bother myself with unsettled issues.

The first greeting was from SiHan, and from then, i realised, its 2007. Thats it, its already a new year. I hastily looked out the window, i raised my curtains to take a look outside. I opened my eyes wider to make sure and to make myself certain. Everything outside looked just the same as before. The flat opposite is still orange in colour, and the trees downstairs are still green as ever. Then, i knew, nothing changes. In fact, its still the same old me. Its life... its still the same. Its just a divider to make life into different sections. And as for this new chapter of life, i want it to be different. I want it to change. No more 2006. Its time to say bye now.

And with my most heart filled thanks, i bid u farewell, 2006. As i draw open the curtains of 2007, i sincerely hope that it'll look promising. Let it be a new start. I wonder... whats behind the curtain. Its so quiet...

So... quiet.

A Wasted Gift

I didnt blog, because im either outside, or im too tired. But last night, its different, i went over to Jonathan's house again with Kenny. Trust me, its the last time that im going to go over. Firstly, i hate his attitude and next, im really having a bad time sleeping there. Anyway, if its theres any inconvenience in any sense, then forget it, i'll rather stay home and enjoy my time with myself.

I woke up yesterday with a thought of not going out, but i have to. I had lunch with my uncle, then i gave him Albert's account number, so that he can transfer the money for me. It was so troublesome, because he is so troublesome! Next, i went to the bank myself to seek help filling up this form from NAC. Well, its the last day to submit the form to enable them to send me a cheque or to transfer the money into my account. Anyway, its $1100. I think im going to start spending again! I looked into my bank book, and i noticed that ive been spending quite alot of money. In total, from the day i got my card till now, ive spent around $1000. Its either on the CDs or my clothings. Probably on meal too!

I took bus 132, 130 and finally, the right bus, bus 8. I quickly gave the form to this guy, and i left the building. I was so tired, because i took so many buses. Im so stupid, and i swear that im not going to take buses like 132 anymore! Its dangerously a waste of time, because it doesnt go anywhere that goes my way... other than to Wilson's house. But then, its been ages since i last seen him! I miss people like that.

While walking to Cityhall to meet Christoven, i met MiYan on the way. Anyway, Christoven and i went shopping again. We didnt buy anything much, but we did walk around. Firstly, i booked my favourite movie from this CD shop. Its been ages, and i just cant find it anywhere on earth! I mean, Singapore! And well... its so popular, the lady knows the movie, but she said that she'll need to import it from America, and usually the selling price would then be $30. I dun care the price! I just wanna get the movie and watch it again! I love the movie. Well, its called... 'Hocus Pocus'. Remember it? It was on TV a few years ago. I think its such a long forgotten Disney film. I hate it when they forget movies like that! Its such a wonderful film for kids like me. I love it! I love them, and i love the witches.

After that, we went to catch a movie. Well, its pretty touching, and i think its more of a kid's film. Therefore, the mother sitting beside me was calming her daughter, because she was tearing like mad. The father was telling her that its alright, because spiders do die... and it doesnt matter, because there are so many eggs! Right... i think that'll help.

We had dinner at this Japanese restaurant. I realised that its with Christoven that im spending most. Anyway, the food was really good! Too salty though, as my blisters and ulcers were hurting and burning!

I took bus 12 to Jonathan's house. The bus ride was so slow and so long! Now i can understand. Anyway, Kenny was already there, and they were playing the Ruan. So, i sat down and tried to find space to settle myself.

Nike was there, and she's the cutest thing ever, though she doesnt deserve such an undeserving master. Jonathan went off to welcome his teacher, with his other friends, from the airport. And it took him quite some time before he returns. Meanwhile, we were playing with Nike, and she doesnt seem to stop licking this particular spot on Jonathan's bed. We figured that it must be something dirty! So disgusting!

Well, we did nothing but quarrel all night long. Watched half of every movie, and wasted time bitching and slapping each other at the kitchen. Jonathan and Kenny made supper. Well, im grateful that Jonathan went to buy my favourite instant noodle. And of course, to Kenny who cooked extra noodle for me. I was sitting there, keeping my feet up to avoid cockroaches. Jonathan was so bitchy, he poured water for me, and he purposely spill it all over my pants! Its alot of water! It was really funny, and i sat there stunned. He quickly apologise, and kept laughing non-stop, and started to kneel on the floor and stuff. Well, its super funny. But things got colder and chilled after Jonathan stood there and washed all the dishes.

Honestly, i hate his attitude. And i know that he hates mine too, but if he doesnt give me that face that he always gives me, he wont get the attitude i give him almost 80% of the time.

I couldnt sleep again. I was having rashes, because i was feeling so warm. I forced myself to sleep, and apparently, im the first to wake up in the morning. I wanted to bath, so i went to shower. And i needed a change of clothes, so i asked Jonathan for a shirt. Dun think that he doesnt have my size! I know thats the first thing that should be going through ur mind! But well, theres my size in his cupboard. Its just that he was so unwilling, and he couldnt bother. So, i was pissed and i didnt wanna owe him anything. Thats it, i wanna severe almost all ties. I took my stuff and left his room. We opened the fucking door ourselves and left.

I wasted 7 hours at TP today! Well, great. We were rehearsing, and for the first rehearsal, there aint anybody around. There was only me and XianYang. We started talking, and we went for lunch before the combine rehearsal later. MrYeo was conducting, for relief, and he was talking about many things. Well, i think its more practical to conduct a more balanced orchestra like that. The ensemble at NAFA is just too horrible to work as an orchestra. Therefore, we shouldnt play pieces that are orchestral. Anyway... nevermind.

Had dinner at CafeCartel with Charmaine, Kenny, Louis, XianYang and WeiFeng. Then after that, we went to another cafe to chat. XianYang went off first. While going to the toilet, i took my time to buy a shirt to wear, because im feeling uncomfortable for not changing a shirt from yesterday till today. So, i took out $12 and bought myself a shirt. I wore it straight away... Its thanks to somebody for being so selfish.

I like to make friends with people who are selfless, like Christoven. SiHan, at times too. And many others. But well... i cannot take the fact that somebody is just there to take advantage, try to gain, and try not to lose out in so many ways.

Forget it, im regretting. In fact, ive regretted. Ive wasted my money, my concern and my time. Its all a wasted gift.

Bairn

Its been quite an emtional day. I was just outside watching this HongKong series. Well, its about this retard, not important. But well, that show made me cry many times! This is the first time im sitting outside watching stupid shows like that on the TV. U know, i dun have time for TV... so usually, its only computers and games. Anyway, i thought that it'll rest, but it obviously didnt. Now, im feeling my nose running, thanks to the freaking show! I feel like crying again, but well... the show was really fucking touching! I dunno what to say, but hell! Its really touching! I cried at almost every scene and every sentence. I was so embarrassed that i had to cover my face while watching. My uncle came home, and i quickly ran into my room... which resulted in this entry.

Woke up quite late, because i slept late last night. Samuel was sending me a chunk of pieces! I tell u, theres a sudden outburst of songs in my documents now. Well, i cant find the time to settle down and appreciate all of them. But anyway, i heard some of them already. I even have an illegal clip of something. I think the Ruan people would be interested... but as said, its illegal, so... i better not let anyone watch it. In the first place, i shouldnt even blog about it! Well, nevermind! Just now, he was sending me more pieces! I dunno what to do! Anyway, i managed to complete helping ChaiXia edit her work. Its filled with so many grammer errors! Well, there are some parts which were written quite nicely, and some very obvious parts which are solely her own writings... because its so different! U get what i mean? U dun? Then nevermind.

So, i went to teach today. The students were horrible. They couldnt play, and again... i hate schools who has girls that are bimbotic and has bad attitude! I seriously hate it. I somehow think that boys are easier to deal with. But, i dunno why... i thought that girls are like more docile? Well, its all fake! The false information u got through ur radio and TV, turn them all off! They are liars. These girls are wild and inhuman. Tame them somehow, please.

Before that, i went for lunch with my uncle and Mom. Well, they were both driving me mad! I dunno how to explain, but its some very stupid issue which has been there since the dinosaur age. Mom fetched me to the MRT, and i travelled to ChoaChuKang to meet Dedric. He took a cab from his place, and he was kind enough to pick me up at the taxi stand.

I was making fun of him, just like him making fun of me. So, in the end, we're quits. After teaching, we took a bus to the shopping centre beside the MRT station. He was meeting his friends, so... before that, i went to walk around with him, while having Jonathan on the phone. Again, yes, we were quarrelling. I dunno whats his problem, or since as he claimed, my problem. We just dun get along very well since 3 years ago. I was scolding him because of some private issue. Well, its this very irritating thing that just cannot be explained! Trust me, if its easy to put into words, or possible in any sense, i'll blog it out already. I just cant!

So, in the end, we were quarrelling till i almost got home. I think he spent around an hour on the phone with me. Anyway, we were suggesting before that we'll go over to his house for movie and stuff. He told me that he doesnt want to organise it, or actually... rejected to my suggestion. When i was teaching, he suddenly asked whether i wanna go over or not. What the hell? If i would have known earlier, i would have brought some VCDs out right? So, ive nothing, and i scolded him because its irritating. He should have decided earlier. Well, in the end, we took quite a while to decide whether to watch a movie outside or not. Dedric was the middle person, because if he doesnt come, the entire thing would be cancelled. Well, i dun wanna say the reason, but its just one foolish and selfish one. I hate it, i seriously hate it! Well, the problem lies in ur heart! But wait, how can a heartless creature have a heart? Im so stupid! Im so fucking stupid!

Anyway, so... after quarrelling for so long, we've finally come up to a conclusion. I shall not lend that bastard any money anymore, because its for his own good. Other than that, its under our private contract. So, no third party allowed to view it. He's pissed, and so am i.

Christoven called, but i told him that im having dinner with Mom. In fact, dinner was great! I ordered at least $10 worth of food. Well, it was splendid! Why? Because its the first time after a long time that im ordering food without needing to think and suffer my brain to dig out cash from my empty wallet. I was so pissed, though i promised not to be angry, and so i had so much fun filling myself up to pour out that burning flame.

I know, im childish. Call me whateva, the son of the goat or anything.

I was talking to Fairul just now, and he asked whether he can come over to my place to stay over and watch movie or something. Well, i dun get it how he can be fine with staying over with just me and him? How is that possible? If its possible, which obviously is, then i dun get it why some crabs cant. Whateva, forget it, stop rubbing in. Anyway, i know that the internet is quite down these few days, and so... i shall blog more, because stupid people with wireless connection cannot log into the net to view what im blogging! Im so happy! Anyway, i told Fairul to ask Jonathan. Im not sure whether he did or not. I dun care...

Im going to just whistle away...

Shit, i cant whistle. I'll just slap my thighs, since im so fat and i have this chunk of fats stuck on my body, and it'll serve of good use if it can be percussive. Im so musical, arent i not?

Arent i not?

Arent i not!

Yes...

Im thinking of what to do tomorrow. Honestly, im quite lonely, fucker.

Dun Bother

Finally, the page finally loaded! So grateful to the priests and priestesses. Black magic works! Well, according to Jonathan, he said that theres an earthquake which took place at the Pacific, thats why its affecting Singapore's internet connection. Im not sure how true it is, but it makes sense to me.

When i woke up, i was bothering Jonathan to connect his laptop. I thought that its the faulty craps of wireless connections, but i figured that maybe its true that the connection is loose due to the earthquake which occured a night before. I dunno when actually. But well, i couldnt get online at all! Its irritating.

After reaching home, its quite easy for me to get online on MSN and to even blog. So, i did blogged about the party, but nothing much. I think what went on that night was something more emotional to myself. I think questions and statements were running through my mind more than anything that danced to the hot music at the party. Wait, u knew already... there wasnt any music. Right, its a screwed up party. Thanks to the host, Jonathan.

Im currently feeding my ears some music that ive been searching high and low for. Thanks to Samuel for sending me so many recordings. Well, its all Pipa recordings, which includes new pieces and wierd pieces, and of course... some really nice pieces which are so hard to find nowadays. Im not sure whats hes doing now, but well... as for me, im enjoying myself with the pieces. Samuel suggested a few pieces for me to try out a few weeks ago. Well, i havent forgotten what they are, and he even gave me the score for one of which. Im currently listening to it, and i love it! Im not sure whether YanYu will allow me to play it, but well... no harm giving it a go right? Firstly, i think ive to go do something about myself before handling it. Anyway, Samuel also told me about something which happened a long time ago. Well, let me fully explain it here for everyone to hear.

Well, a long time ago, Samuel called me one morning and started questioning me. Of course, in a bad way. He was told from a student, and that student was told from Benedict, that i went around telling people that he, Samuel, cannot teach. Well, obviously it aint true. Now, Samuel realised it, and he doesnt actually care, and he just told me about it. Thank goodness that justice do exist! Heaven aint blind, boy. Go on like that, and u'll have every creature on earth going against u. Sometimes... to think of it, the deadliest of the deadliest sins would have to be pride. Dun u think so? With pride, u cant even face the fact that ur prideful. Sigh... i dunno what to say.

Anyway, i was on the phone with QingLun during the evening. He forced me down to play LAN with him, LianWei, Jonathan, Andy and Richard. Well, im not going to say anything much. But well, Andy didnt come. In the end, QingLun and i were watching a movie in the computer lab. Jonathan wanted to catch a movie with PeiQian and gang, but well... he didnt, because he already watched it with me and daniel. So, he came to join us.

We headed to the shop with Richard, who joined us later. LianWei came later also, and he joined us for 2 games. Everybody was so gloomy. Well, ive planned that if anything happens, i'll go... nevermind. In the end, Mom came to fetch me. So, im home now.

What an exciting day right? Well, not actually. Damn, i just realised that i missed a performance that i should be playing for! Its $250! And i totally forgot about it! Trissy sent me a mail about it, and she's fine with it, and she reminded me that ive to perform this Sunday, or else... she'll be in trouble and stuff. I told her to trust me, but well... im so scared now. Im so sorry, because i got the wrong idea, i thought its for CNY, which thats why im thinking why suddenly have to make plans for something so far away. Anyway, its my fault for not realising it. Im sorry Trissy!

Samuel is telling me so many things now, which i cannot say. How i wish to blog them out. Anyway, sometimes its like that.

Jonathan, so sorry to disappoint u, i didnt blog much about ur party, which u thought i would. Anyway, i think its really happening! I talked to him over the phone just now, almost stomping my foot around and cursing. But well, i figured that sometimes theres a reason for a gap.

The gap is there, and its no use to try crossing over. Neither isit wise to build a bridge across. If the gap is there naturally, there'll be a rightful reason for it.

An Inclement Clambake

I just got home, thus the explanation of the missing post yesterday. I know, it was quite an exciting day, because i got my new credit card! And of course, for the cause of it, theres a need for a celebration. Anyway, i woke up really early in the morning... actually, its noon, to just wait at the bank for my new card. I took the longest time at the counter, because the lady cant figure my signature. What the hell? She said that it doesnt look like my signature. Well... i think im dead, my signatures are all like that. They dun look similar all the time. Im screwed.

Anyway, no big deal, after paying her $5, i got my new card. The first thing i did was to withdraw a $100 for myself to spend!

So, i went back home and Evan called me. Christoven and Evan arranged to meet at Orchard, because Evan's all alone over there. She's bored, lonely and desperate for someone to accompany her. For me, im still at home, so... it'll take at least an hour or so before i can get to meet up with her, or them.

LianWei is asking whether im bitching about him. Well, im not. See, im so nice.

Anyway, after taking the hour long bus ride, i got there. Its raining still, and i brought my umbrella out. For the first time after 6 years, im finally using it. Its an ACS umbrella, and i got it during some carnival or some crap back then in year 2000. So, imagine, its so super dusty. But, though its quite rotten already, its still quite pretty. Such a pretty little umbrella for the pretty... nevermind.

LianWei wants to sue me, because he thinks that im bitching about him. So evil of him.

Nevermind about him first. I met Evan first, and i brought her to this shop where im buying Christoven his Christmas present. Its expensive, but i figured that he might like it, because he kept talking about it the other time. Not so much, but it managed to stop him for a while to talk about it... so, i think he might like it. Anyway, how dare him not like the my gift! Im joking. So, after that, i went to pamper myself in a CD shop. I brought Moby's best album, and also a VCD, just to have enough to get a sticker on my card. If ive 12 stickers, i can get one free CD! How exciting right? I figured that, if i get 12 from there, its the same as getting one individual CD from a cheaper shop. In the end, i earn back my deserving free CD. Its... pointless actually, however, if im not getting the free CD, then im screwed... because i'll be wasting money! How smart of them to do business like that, especially on fools like me! How dare they! Great, ive to now abandon all work and start buying CDs from that shop.

Wait! I havent do my history assignment! Im so dead can? Im fucking screwed. Christoven, can u help me do? Please somebody! Help!

I gave Christoven the gift, and he smiled. He didnt know what to say, and he just told me that i shouldnt have bought it. Anyway, it wasnt any surprise, because i leaked it out a day before. So, he knew about the gift already. And next, Evan was looking so jealous because i didnt buy her anything. Funny...

Before meeting up with Christoven for dinner, i went to shop around for another gift with Evan. Its expensive, and im starting to wonder whether its worth the effort and money. Im stupid. Anyway, no more next time, because ive figured over the night that im being so extra. Ive never recieved anything, and i really mean anything, in my life. I knew him for 4 years, but still... forget it!

Well, the shirt is kind of small, but i thought that it'll be nice. Yes, dun need to guess already, its for a close friend of mine, Jonathan. Close friend? Wait a minute, i think i got that part wrong. Anyway, before going out, he was scolding me on the phone for being angry with him. I asked him out during Christmas, and he told me that he has no money and would rather stay home. So, as usual, a common rejection from my generous offer. How great of me right? Nevermind. So, yesterday, which was the day after Christmas, he called me to scold me for not asking him out. I thought that i should respect his decision, afterall its not the first time, and so... i didnt ask him out. He told me that though he has no money, and would really wanna stay home, i should have just convinced him and kept asking him... because he really wanted to go out. Stupid right? Come on, stupid, childish Jonathan! And in the end, yes... after the tirade, i did ask him out.

Anyway, i was angry with him, so i blocked him on MSN. Ur still blocked dude!

After dinner with Christoven and Evan, sadly... ive to leave to meet Jonathan and Daniel for a movie at Tampines. So coincidental, i saw Louis there and he came to me. So, we were catching the same movie! He was with his friends, and i didnt get to see them only till the movie ended. Jonathan was late, and i gave him his gift. He was smiling to himself. Well, i saw that grin, and it felt like 3 years ago. I wanted to just tear it infront of him and take out my knife and stab him through his heart. But i thought... well, he's heartless, so dun bother.

The movie was really entertaining and funny. I loved it. Christoven would have found it stupid and really dots... But for me, i think it was great!

We headed to Jonathan's place. Its been quite a while since i last stayed over, and i thought that it would change much... but it didnt. Just like my room, it hasnt changed since dunno when. I cant even remember when my Mom last changed the bedsheets. Anyway, the curtain in my room was there since the first day when i move into the apartment, till now. So, imagine!

Nike, Jonathan's dog, is really cute. Alright, i wont lie. Its quite... nevermind. She's fat and really looked like its dying of fat clogs. She grunts, moves slowly and its adorable, loving and gentle. In short, i think... she's actually a pig! A pig! So, Jonathan made porridge, and surprisingly it tasted quite well. I know! Its actually just the flavouring. I knew it, Jonathan still cant cook! I remembered 3 years ago, when i was really sick, he and XiuHua brought me home from Kallang and made me porridge. I thought that i'll be so lucky to have a bowl of delicious porridge when im ill. I was right! Its really delicious! Let me tell u everything. Firstly, they cant cook! They made a mess in the kitchen and they overcooked the porridge. So, its burnt. Figuring that vinegar is my favourite, they put it into the porridge and fed me with it. Im so touched... vinegar porridge... where can i get something like that nowadays?

The party was so exciting! Thanks to our very cool host, the party was successful and very happening! Let me name just a few names out from the very long guest list. Well, there's the host, Jonathan, and his important guests, Daniel and i. Well, see! Its so fucking great! I loved the party! It was a mass of crowd! Just 3 of us, yes, just us.

The music was rocking and i loved the party hats! Well, the food was splendid, almost a 12 course buffet! Imagine, wine and beer on the house. It was so wild!

Slap me. Wake up, WeiKang. Theres only 3 of us. There wasnt any music, its just a TV playing some really stupid Chinese movie or some Singaporean TV show. U know, those that cannot make it. There was porridge, one of the best thing there. And to think of it, no drinks at all. It was indeed... wild.

Daniel slept first. Jonathan and i stayed up to watch a movie on his bed. Daniel was occupying so much space, so... i'd to sleep on the floor. Well, after the partying, everyone's tired. Jonathan said that he wanna go sleep... and so, all of us went to bed. I slept on the floor, and Jonathan shared his bed with Daniel. They were... nevermind.

Im joking. I was singing away because i couldnt sleep. Jonathan didnt sleep too, and he accompanied me for a while... before he went snoring away like his pig. I mean, dog. Nike came and slept beside me, she's so loving! I love dogs like that. Anyway, if theres a chance i can go over again, i'll love to see Nike. Nike is just like her owner. U'll figure that out when u see her.

In the morning, its literally rotting time. We were all sitting there, wasting time and rotting away. I was decomposing at such a fast rate that i can almost produce a wok of mushroom soup. Jonathan sent us off... and i forced him to accompany me till my bus-stop. He did, but knowing that he's rushing late to meet his friend, i told him to get back first.

Mom wanted to have lunch with me, and she's still eating there. I knew it, its good food again! Well, she's so lucky... she met my grandparents there too. And she also met her auntie, with her daughter, Nana.

Im going for rehearsal later at NYP. Im so shagged... let me go release some stress with LianWei.

Have fun people!

Even On Christmas

Its the season to by jolly again. However, i feel like a folly molly...

Its obvious that Santa didnt come last night. Firstly, there's no chimney for him to fall from. And next, theres no Christmas tree at home. Maybe its because i didnt prepare him cookie and milk! I knew it! Its the cookies and the milk! Greedy Santa. Shit, not again... ive to wait another year.

I woke up today, with a wet bed. I didnt wet it, but the leaking air-con did, again. So, the first call i recieved in the morning was from Christoven. I tried asking people out, but sometimes... i think i try too hard. So, forget it, from now on, i cannot be bothered. Honestly, im feeling how i was feeling 3 years ago. The hatred, the anger and the fume. Well, what for? Chill dude. I know, i need a chill pill!

So, Christoven and i arranged to meet at HMV. Due to the road closure, we met at ThatCDShop instead. I live further, thus i needed more time to travel. As for him, he was there earlier... and he went around shopping first. Whats the plan today? Well, nothing. We're just going to spend time outside during a merry Christmas day. Its better than wasting time rotting at home while waiting for the Christmas tree to blossom right? So, i met him at the CD shop, and managed to find a CD or 2 to buy. Due to the shortage of cash, and the faulty credit card, theres nothing i can do... but to let it go. Im going to buy this LangLang's latest album, because it has this piece with FanWei on the Pipa. Its so cool... and moreover, its featuring a collection of Chinese Piano compositions.

Christoven and i stopped over for lunch at McDonalds. Again? I know, yes. Im relieved to see some cash in his wallet. As for me, im only loaded with $12. Imagine! How am i going to survive with that little during a Christmas day? I know, its horrible! In the morning, i tried going to the bank, but... its closed, and it wished me a merry Christmas. Stupid bank! I dun want no merry Christmas, i want my money! And i want it now! Now! Now!

Anyway, Christoven asked if theres a spelling err on my previous title. Well, no, there aint no error. Wan means pale. And its bluntly replaced with the original word for white Christmas. So, its wan Christmas! See? Anyway, indeed... its wan. But, thanks to Christoven today, Christmas has a totally different feeling as compared to yesterday's horrible eve.

Back to the topic. We walked about, and saw many nice clothings with very beautiful price tags too. Anyway, there are many shops at the darker side of Orchard road. Well, u know... the other side of Orchard road, meaning against the traffic which flows towards HMV and stuff... Yes, there. Well, its not that bad though it looks slightly ancient. There are shops there which sells branded and classy craps. Ive decided to get a shirt from one of the shop there. But firstly, i'll have to save up to at least $260 for that shirt. Wait! Thats way too expensive. Right, i'll take back my words.

After walking for a long while... Christoven and i decided to catch a movie! Well, there's currently quite a few movies to catch. So, we walked down this flesh infested Orchard road. Everybody was squeezing here and there. Its so freaking crowded because of this group of people who dressed themselves up as people from Bethleham. Anyway, they looked so fake, but everybody just wants to take pictures with them! I dunno why! So dumb.

We made it alive through the crowd, and got our way to the cinema.

Anyway, the movie wasnt that bad, though it ended quite badly. I think there's another series to it, because its obviously not the end yet. Eragon looked so... Australian. Anyway, after the movie, we went to buy another 2 tickets for another movie! And this time, its the second series of DeathNote. I think its so much better than the first one, especially after u get the idea of it. There are many parts of the movie which looked stupid, and sounded stupid. Well, there was this Chinese couple who sat behind us. They were so bloody noisy! The girl kept talking, and her phone rang at least twice during the movie! So fucking rude can? And the guy kept talking to her. I had to turn my head so many times, and i noticed that the girl who sat beside them also kept staring at them. Well, they are fucking rude and inconsiderate. Christoven was pissed too, i could tell. After the movie, the guy was the first to rushed out of his seats and headed straight for the exit. But stupid fool, he went the wrong way! Fuck, i hate this type of people. Their names should be in the DeathNote!

I know, if im Kira, thats it... everybody's dead. But well, its fortunate enough that nothing like this do exist. If it does, trust me, im going to lay my hands on it. Though i know that i'll surely get caught, even with the dumbest detective around. Why? Because im not smart enough to kill wisely. But, for the first few days, at least i can start eliminating people that i hate. I'll do the world a favour! Im so evil!

U know, im merely joking... I love peace, and i'll fight hard for peace. Fight and kill! Im joking... Im a peace person. So peaceful...

After the movies, its already so late. Before that, we bought this nachos which tasted like shit! I put it on the floor after eating a few pieces. The drinks were alright... and between the interval of each movie, we went to hunt for gifts for the gift exchange session with Audrey and gang. Well, as ive expected, the exchange is postponed to January. Its always like that, dun u think so? Its freaking disappointing. No more next time with NAFA people. I bet thats what happened to ShuMin also. Well, no matter what, im going to organise an outing to Genting, and whoeva wanna go, please confirm. Im quite sure that Christoven will be fine, as for others, im just going to ask, but if they're going to delay and drag with their indecisive acts, thats it. Im not sure whether it'll be successful or not. But well, im feeling quite pessimistic about this...

We headed to Newton for supper before ending the day. Well, we're almost dried up already. Ive only left with $7, and as for him, im not really sure. But well, we ate quite alot! We spent at least $20 plus on food there! The uncle cheated us, and screw him! I curse that his business will fall after Christmas! Well, its not his fault actually... but he charged us $10 for this little plate of shellfish. What the fuck? Where got so little one? I ate $8 worth before, and trust me, its at least double of what he gave us! It was Christoven's first time eating it, so... i hope he enjoyed eating that! As for me, i enjoyed eating this bowl of noodle that he ordered. If im ever going back there, im going to eat that bowl of noodle. Its super good! I think.

Well, we took our buses home. We took bus 162 to Newton just now, and i was hoping to hop onto the same bus. The bus we took was super cool! Its some Nokia bus, though its the same old 162, but the design in the bus looked different and unique! It has white sofa type of chairs... and there was this corner where they have chairs with tables too! Its damn cool! Ive never seen anything like that in my life! Well, its for a short period only. It serves free rides after Tuesday, till the end of December. Its sad that its ending, but i count myself lucky to ever ride on one like this today.

So, to think of it... Christmas aint that bad afterall. Im intending to go buy something tomorrow... but of course, it'll depend on whether i get my money from the bank or not first. Mom will be back tomorrow... and im still thinking of something to occupy my time tomorrow. No way that im going to stay at home for the whole day. Its going to be damn sad... and gloomy.

Christoven and i figured that we're the male version of Jwen and Evan! Well, of course not totally true, because we aint that bimbotic. But well... in a nicer term, Jwen and Evan are female version of us! Well, im joking about the bimbo part. However, somehow its true. Slightly similar.

I shouldnt have replied. I hesitated, but i did. I would have rather... nevermind. I can feel the quiet flame, melting away the snow outside. I hope i can control myself this time. I seriously hope so. Its apparent that i never learn. Even till now, and for the rest of my life. But, im trying hard to learn. Im picking up from pieces, and its going to be tough and its going to be dangerous. I repeat, dangerous!

Goodnight, silent night. Its the end.

The end of Christmas day.

Wan Christmas

Once again, its another day to Christmas. I want to just let myself chalk out in the snow. I dreamt of white Christmas. With a meadow of snow, and a lea of pure whiteness, that fills the image of a frozen field. I just wanna lie there, and let me life slip away. To share the feeling of being alone with u. I look up above and i hope u see me too. Im the drop of ink that ruins the beauty of the picture. And just then, i spill my red against the achromatic ivory. My pulse becomes calm, as i close my eyes to let me imagination wander off. Soon, ur the last thing on my mind. When i know that its over, im in peace. Im, in peace.

Jasmine and ChaiXia just came over for some movies, then they left. I had dinner with them, before sending them off. In the morning, i recieved a call from Kenny. He told me not to be late, but well... when i was there, nobody was quite there yet. The practice started half an hour later. Well, there wasnt anyone. I knew that many werent coming, but they didnt inform ChaiXia, thus she went crazy like a mad cow. I could tell that she was pissed. Well, i once crossed over from that position, i can understand. Im not in the mood to describe the stupidity that i discovered through the practice today.

Went for lunch with Damien, Jasmine and ChaiXia. After that, they came over to watch movies. Damien left first, because he doesnt want to watch this gay film, which Jasmine and ChaiXia was so over their heels for. So, we watched it, and thats the end of the day.

Ive been thinking about the loneliness that'll befall tomorrow night. Its always the period of depression that hits right at this moment. Im not really sure whether its my own psychological crap, or that im really feeling this force that grips me heart. I know, its most probably the music that i allow in my ears to affect my mood. But honestly, they're just amplifying me. Im magnified. Thanks to my music, i can quietly just sit and listen to myself. Its bad enough that there aint any snow in Singapore to heighten the atmosphere of Christmas. And worse still, that i dun have the chance to spend Christmas with somebody else.

Matthew told me that he'll be drinking and having sex on Christmas. Well, he said that he'll be exercising his dick, and he'll go have fun after drinking. I told him that thats the true meaning of Christmas, and i encouraged him to give a testimonial of the true meaning of Christmas to the church. Then, he told me to ask Clarence to, or that gay Elliot. Funny, Matthew. I hope u have ur fun!

I dunno why, but im on the extreme ends of everything, everytime. I feel no pulse, neither do i feel merry. Christmas to me dun carry any true meanings anymore. There aint no sharing, never did. And there aint any love, nor from above. Mom asked whether she can stay in Malaysia abit longer. Well, i told her to. Since she asked, she must have the intention to stay. Anyway, if she's back, i might be away celebrating Christmas with my friends. So, whats the point? I'll rather that she enjoy herself, though im alone at home.

I remember those days, they come like torn pages from a dusty book. I use to wake up finding gifts under my Christmas tree. Or did i not? Am i dreaming my own childhood into a fairytale? I wished it wasnt scarred, and i wished that i lived normally like other kids. I want a normal life, and i want no forbidden love. I hate the way that ive to deal with things. I dun wanna hide anymore. I want to just live myself out like a normal growing boy. No more wierd stares, no more nasty looks. I want my toy car, my own wooden sword and my own family portrait. I dun wanna run around during the weekends. I dun want my Mom to cry, neither do i want my Dad to be angry. I just want to open my presents under my own Christmas tree. Not with tears, feigning ignorant of the unhappiness around me. But with joy and a happy smile that spreads across my face. I wish to return to 1988, the only period that i dun remember being happy or sad. But i do know, i brought joy to Mom. I hope i do continue to do so, even though i have to ability to make my father smile.

I still hold on to my Christmas wish last year. Most of u have already read that entry, and i do not wish to paste anything from the past here, though i still hold on tightly, my dear Christmas wish.

I do not intend to make things hard for u, Santa. I know its beyond ur ability to grant me my wishes. Im a child, with a different wish. What is material on this earth does not matter to me. I want things that no earthly ships can bring. I wish for life, time and a fading memory... But please tell me, let me know, whether they do celebrate Christmas up in heaven? Fetch me a present from above, and bring my wishes up to where its silent and blue. Let him know that i do care. Im still here, ur little boy.

Forever still here.

Wall Off

I just added a new song to my blog. I hope this will satisfy many... because its French! French music is good, i tell u. I advise everybody to get themselves exposed to French music, but of course... only some type. I heard one French guy singing like a toad, and gracious me, i think thats the worst type of voice that u'll wanna hear.

Thanks to Dedric for the cab ride, and now, im safe at home. I took a bath, and now im feeling so fresh. Im planning to go for CSCO tomorrow. Well, KeeWei, MinHui and gang will be going to some theme park to play, instead of coming for practice. Honestly, its a good thing to go out, and i'll wish to go too... but seriously, the concert is nearing, and its not advisable to skip practice for some own leisure activity. Anyway, ive realised that its all the young Ruan group that doesnt really understand the seriousness of situations. They're either too playful or they dun listen. The greatest example would be the still living Jonathan, who has the guts to come back to CSCO. Sometimes, they just dunno whats not good for them and what is. Well, im not speaking in an offensive way, just in a lecturing manner. I hope that people will satisfy their attendance from now on. I know, ive been missing for quite a long time. But, its due to firstly, my exam, then next, my competition. Now im free, i do hope that i'll satisfy my own attendance as well as what ive preached.

I woke up at the right time. But somehow, i knew that it aint quite right. Instead of taking the MRT down to school, i took the bus. The ever sluggish bus ride killed my patience. I needed to rush down to Esplanade at 9 in the morning for some rehearsal and recording crap. Im not sure how fun was that, but i managed to get there in time after alighting at NAFA to collect my Pipa first. I took a cab down, and i risked it. I only had $5 with me, and now... im seriously penniless. My uncle gave me $100 yesterday, and now... im left with merely half a dollar! Firstly, its because of the slippers. Next would be the buffet meal that i paid for. I hope that SiHan and LianWei will return me the money soon before my Mom finds out that ive been throwing money away.

They werent even starting yet, and im relieved. But still, quite sad that i wasted my time rushing down. I should have just taken a bus down to Esplanade, instead of taking a cab. Stupid! The rehearsal was boring, but due to the fact that ive only attended 3 practices, i still feel quite new to the scores.

We rehearsed till noon, and we were then given a break till the concert starts. U know how long that is? Its like at least 5 hours, or more! Some went to have a long lunch break, while some went to shop. I followed a group to the cinema, and they wanted to watch this movie which i watched already. So, in the end... they went ahead, while JiaJin and i went to shop ourselves. Its so sad! But well, i would have prefered shopping anyway, because the movie sucks. Its the first time in my life that im talking to ZhiGuang, the LiuQin guy, who is... MinnHuei's boyfriend. And well, hes very friendly. We've always given each other passing by looks, but never talked much. Well, thanks to u for the programme booklet, and moreover, i hope to see u again!

During the long break, i forced WeiFeng to have another packet of chicken rice. In the end, we all ate 3 packets each. I know, its like so fattening! Not just that, its super unhealthy. Great, we're dying people now. WeiFeng felt like puking, while i felt quite sick. We left for ice-cream with JiaJin, hoping that the ice-cream would help the digestion.

Before heading there, we saw the Ruan people drawing on this white ball. So, WeiFeng and i thought of writing our wishes down too. He drew a big Pipa for me, and i wrote my wish beside it. I drew a LiuQin for JiaJin, and he wrote his wishes beside it too. As for WeiFeng, i cant remember what he was doing... other than drawing the horrible looking Pipa. Well, i hope my wish will come true!

Thanks to WeiFeng for treating me to ice-cream. Its some really good ice-cream, and i did enjoy myself there. We were chatting, bitching and complaining. Its so funny when i told WeiFeng about this performance i had. Well, i better not say where, but its some really uncle and auntie type of performance. We were laughing our ass out. As for JiaJin, he was sitting there and enjoying all the gossips. Then, Kenny and gang came, so we left together. We went back into our own rooms. As for me, i went to play the Piano in the MDC resting area.

I went to meet LimChooLi, and thanks to her for bringing the Pipa. Its a really old a valuable Pipa. Trust me, i can tell that its super old! I think it derived from those super communism period. Well, the head has this red flag and stuff. The size and the measurement aint quite right, as compared to the modern Pipa, therefore... i can only conclude that its before a period when all Pipa measurements were set... and thats, a long long time ago. I carried the Pipa to the backstage and showed it to Kenny, and he started laughing because he has never seen anything like that before! He was fascinated by the ivory. I thought of using it, but its so old, it'll take quite a period to let the Pipa settle down, as well as to change and season the strings.

The concert started, and we entered into the concert hall. I was towered my the image of a large crowd. The audience seats were occupied till the top, and its the first time i see so many audience. Well, i cant really remember much... but were there many people? Im not really sure, because i was enjoying myself throughout the concert. The voices of the Sopranos were really fantastic! I cannot believe how beautiful they can sound. It has a totally different quality as compared to the Western type of music. As for myself, i'll prefer voices like that. But, too much of it will cause headaches.

So many things happened on stage. I farted on stage, and burped too. Thats some really private things... but i also talked to ShuMin on stage. Anthea's Pipa wasnt quite tuned, or was it mine? Im not really sure. As for YouGuo, he was quite nervous because he forgot his password for the locker. Anyway... i enjoyed the performance, and i hope its as much as Christoven would. Thanks to him for coming, and i think its quite a different experience. Right?

After that, Christoven and i met up with SiHan at Esplanade. It was really fast... first, he told us that he was at Kallang, and after a few minutes, he's at Esplanade. Thats really fast... and ive never seen him that quick before.

We headed back to school to keep the Pipas first. And thanks to them for helping me to carry the Pipas. After shifting it back to where it belongs, we headed to McDonalds for supper. We had nowhere else to go, so... we'd no choice.

Had fun there chatting and making silly jokes. Christoven was saying that why dun we just throw all our food into the toilet and just flush it down, because it'll eventually end up there. Then, i told him that we should bury every newborns, because... they'll eventually end up there too!

Dedric came later to give me a ride. So, i took the apple pie and left them alone at McDonalds. I hope they're fine... SiHan, remember what i said. Practice... something. So, dun do anything to Christoven!

Right...

My eyes are like shutting already. I think i cant hang on any longer. I heard Rose telling me that i'll die of a old man, warm in his bed, and not here. And im going to have many many children, and so... i shouldnt go. But well, im tired, ive to sleep. Goodnight!

Im Taken Aback

Its an exciting day. Firstly, its most exciting when u stand at the bus-stop waiting for the last bus! And better when the last bus has already gone a few minutes ago. Even better when u have no cash in ur wallet. What to do? Go stand in the middle of the road and then close ur eyes. U'll be home in a few seconds.

I woke up today with the uncomfortable sound of leaking water from my air-con. Well, im expecting it to explode anytime during this coming week. Maybe it'll not, but to an extent that it'll be raining every morning when i wake up. So, i had to move myself and shift my pillows just to enjoy a few more minutes of sleep. How am i going to sleep soundly? I hope that it'll be better after these few rainy days. Maybe its due to the rain. Bad rain, bad rain!

So, i waited for my uncle to fetch me to Suntec, and Mom told me him to pass me a $100. She knows that im broke, somehow, and she specially told uncle to fetch me, just in case im going to take the cab or something. Well, i woke up quite early, and i didnt expect myself to to be late! I told LianWei and gang not to be late, but in the end, thanks to my cousin and my uncle, im horribly late. LianWei was so freaking pissed! Im joking.

Well, my cousin wore my slippers. So, ive to either change my pants so i can fit my attire with the shoes, or that im going to wear his super smelly slippers. And so, ive decided to save time and just go with the slippers. My uncle was waiting downstairs already, and he's been calling my phone non-stop, because he cant wait! He is super agog. So, he went by the highway, then down the highway because the traffic was moving too slowly. In fact, not even moving. So, in the end, we wasted at least 15 minutes travelling up and down the highway. Express indeed... Well, he doesnt have a sense of direction at all! So, i suggested the roads to travel, and he complained that im bringing him in circles. Well, thats all i can do, but if u have a better suggestion, then go ahead! The problem is that he doesnt know where to go, but still he has to complain that we're going in circles. My goodness! Just imagine, he brings to home from school since when i was young, and he can still ask me how to go AngMoKio! What the fuck right? How can that be? He goes to ACS so many times, and he can still ask me how to go! Even my own home! AngMoKio is like the only place that he'll go every weekday, when i was schooling, for at least 10 years! And he doesnt know how to go still! I tell u, if i was him, i'll knock myself out with a brick.

Nevermind about that. LianWei was complaining because he couldnt find himself a shirt. He has a performance later on, but he havent gotten his attire right yet. So, while waiting for me, he went around shopping. But with no luck, he couldnt find one single maroon long sleeve shirt. Marooned indeed. Well, we didnt get to wait long for SiHan and Christoven to arrive. We headed to Kuishinbo first, then LianWei said that he'll go buy after eating. Well, i dunno, but i feel that im screwing up LianWei's perfect day. Im so sorry! He was so sarcastic, because he is currently obviously better than me in game, but yet he'll always deny so. So bad!

We had a great time eating our buffet. Audrey came later, because she has to go to school first. She was the latest to arrive! And so, she has little time to wolf up everything. As usual, Christoven was up with his diva talks and SiHan, sitting there listening. LianWei said that he'll alot, but... i dun think he ate the most. SiHan is the most horrible buffet person! He doesnt really eat Japanese stuff i think... he is so noob.

After filling ourselves up, we headed out with very heavy footsteps. LianWei left first, because he has to meet his junior and stuff. So, the rest of us headed to this toy shop and started growing young. We were all so childish, playing with toys and taking many immature pictures. There were many people from the public staring at us, and laughing at us even. Its so fun. I took many pictures with Audrey, and before that, we even took several pictures of us enjoying the buffet. Enjoying? Im not sure, but its tough to finish all that crap up. Well, if u wanna see the pictures, ask me, i can even send it to u, if u guys want them.

After playing a fool, we decided to go watch a movie. Its so tightly packed, all the activities came so suddenly, and its so exciting. We watched this Chinese movie, well... i think u can guess it already. JayZhou is such a horrible actor! Firstly, he cant sing. Wait, that has nothing to do with his acting, but if he cant sing, what else can he do? Why? Because his acting sucks! He cannot speak proper Mandarin. What else? He cannot cry! If ur planning to watch the movie, please take note of this scene when GongLi and JayZhou will have an intimate conversation about her plans to overtake the emperor. Firstly, the queen will cry, then JayZhou, being the son, will also cry. But? He gave stupid faces instead of crying! He tried too hard...

Well, its less artistic as compared to the previous Chinese movie, which shares similar elements. I will prefer GongLi to ZhangZiYi. Im not sure why, but she has a very mature sense of attraction. Well, the movie was great, and its funny. We were laughing at so many unintentional humours. Its so stupid...

After the movie, we were thinking of going to Esplanade to settle down for some coffee and chat. So, we boarded this bus that SiHan suggested. And we trusted SiHan that it'll go Esplanade. We were talking about Esplanade on the bus, till this kind lady told us that its going to ParkwayParade instead of Esplanade. We were so shocked that we pressed the bell almost immediately. Too late! The bus went up the highway and went straight for dunno how long till it reaches this weird area. Thanks SiHan!

Anyway, without SiHan's mistake, we wouldnt be enjoying ourselves at ParkwayParade. We settled down at this cafe, and played games. I introduced the card game that i love playing with ShuMin and gang. Well, i taught them how to play, but... the mood didnt quite feel right. Its not as exciting, because Christoven kept losing! But soon, YongRui came, and it became warmer. Its nice for the waiter for not stopping us from playing card games. Usually, its their policy that nobody should study or gamble in the cafe. Well, we're not gambling, but its sort of the same... so, its good that they didnt tell us to go off. Anyway, they told us that they're closing in 20 minutes, but it turned out that they were still open for at least 35 minutes.

We went to McDonalds to continue our madness after sending Audrey off. She has to go home earlier, because she stays somewhere really far... and it aint quite convenient for her to travel too, unlike SiHan and i, who has a direct bus home. To think of it, i count myself fortunate to live at where im living, because its so accessible. Anyway, we went crazy till my last bus went off. Told u so, the last bus would go earlier.

We were playing like crazy, and this bunch of girls sitting on the next table were laughing at me, because i cheated and they noticed. I was so anxious about my last bus that i literally went crazy. I let everybody win, so i can go home. Im so cheap, and im such a poor thing! Have pity!

Took a cab with SiHan and Christoven, and i chased bus 70 after alighting the cab.

I got cruised by this ugly thing again at YioChuKang. Help! I was so frightened...

Nowadays, i sit alone by the window, watching the stars fly by. I wonder why my phone aint ringing so often... but to think of it, why should it? Why would it ring? Why should it even ring? Then, i closed my eyes for a moment and gave thought. I opened them, and i laughed at myself.

Ive to specially thank somebody tonight. She is no other than the spontaneous teacher that i talked about yesterday or a few days ago. LimChooLi, my dear teacher who taught me Chinese music back then. Well, she read my wishlist and though its impossible for her to get me a new Pipa, she's willing to lend me her Pipa! She has a Pipa apparently, and im so grateful for her to lend it to me. Its expensive, i can tell, though i havent seen it. Its a huge responsibility to hold, and its time to practice some. I rejected her at first, because its just not right. But well, since she's so willing and generous, how else can i reject the offer? Thanks so much! Even though, i hope that i'll get a Pipa soon next year. Im the only Pipa player who doesnt have a Pipa. Though i have 4, none of it can be used. Its either spoilt, given away, or really badly damaged. So... ive to always borrow Pipa around like a beggar. I recently used YanYu and Raymond's Pipa for competition. Without their Pipa, im so dead, i wouldnt be who i am today. Thanks to them all for the support! I love u guys! And thanks to MsLim, im speechless, really.

Higgledy Piggledy

I was the last to alight. The bus driver had to wake me up... and its so embarrassing. I walked at a quicker pace, and soon enough, im home.

Ive totally forgetten about composition lecture! I went for my harmony test, then there were many people who asked me why i wasnt in class just now. Well, i realised that many people werent there. I heard from others that DrGoh was quite pissed off. Im not really sure about that, but i hope that things will be alright. But, im going to miss his tutorial tomorrow too, thanks to my rehearsal at MDC. Im so lost, i really dunno what to do. They told me that ive to hand in some work. But, ive never heard of any work before. What is it?

The harmony test was screwed. Thanks to KaiXiang for lending me his pencil and Mark for his eraser. I was totally stuck at the second chord. Mark told me the wrong key, which sparkled this doubt in my head for quite a while. Anyway, i realised that Mark aint that good with harmony too... i think. Thanks to Karen for all the obvious hints. And to think that im stupid, actually Christoven is worse! He even asked which note to double when the augmented sixth has already 4 notes to fill in each parts! But as for me, i didnt realise what augmented sixth is, only after when Karen named the Italian, French and German names. Good lord! Im so horrible too! Well, though its a test, the class was really fun and relaxed. Maybe not about the relaxed part, but trust me, it was fun. Everybody were laughing at each other, while Charles kept asking smart questions. I think the model is going to pass. Anyway, i think im so screwed, even with help from people like May, i think im still going to fail by a missing chunk! I was the first to leave the class again! No, its Shaun this time. But, im second. Karen was stunned by my paper. I knew it then, by the expression on her face, that im going to fail definitely! I hate harmony!

Well, its time to relax my brain after stressing it. I didnt know what i was doing, but just heading to the library to find Richard and gang. After which, i left to look for Christoven, Evan, Jwen and Mark. I joined them for lunch, even though i didnt eat, because they were already done. Then, i took out this card that Jwen gave me, and this candy plus a card that Evan gave. Its so nice to have MOE teachers as my classmates, because they are rich enough to do all this stupid things. Its really nice. I said its nice. Enough.

We then headed to ShawTowers. I dunno why, but we took a bus there. We browsed through the whole CD shop. I managed to listen to some really bad music, as well as some that pleased me ears. Well, theres no bad music, i know. But some really sounded horrible. I bought 3 CDs, and Jwen bought 1. Christoven and Mark bought some too, which im not really sure which. We spent at least an hour there. U know, i spend more time in CD shops than in libraries. DrKan would be so disappointed to hear that. But anyway, its the truth! I spent more money on CDs than anything else too! Im such a hopeless person. I love CDs! As im typing, im listening to this French singer, whose a total stranger to me. Her name is Natasha St-Pier. I know, its wierd. Im figuring which one to capitalise. Anyway, forget it... I also bought the best collection of MacyGray and Brandy. I know, its so wierd for me to listen to them. But honestly, i love old CDs more than the new ones. I think they are worth more the value. Its better to listen to the old songs, and i mean those from the 90s onwards. Modern songs, which has great influences from the R&B doesnt really turn me on. I prefer songs that can move a person, or songs with really meaningful lyrics. And of course, a great voice to convey it.

We went to eat after buying our CDs. Mark was like in the rush to head back to school, but the rest of us were like dragging time behind. We wanted to enjoy ourselves, so... we were like really on a shopping spree. Christoven and i ordered food, and we ate more and more after that. It was firstly, just him and i, then next... it involves the whole table sharing this bowl. The food aint that bad, but... u have to be selective, because not everything is worth the taste.

After eating, we walked all the way back to school. Before going school, we stopped at this place for a drink. Mark was like sighing away again. Its so funny. Anyway, after drinking, we really headed back to school to catch our history lecture.

The lecture was as usual, u know. And so... we were talking so loudly that DrKan had to stop and ask Christoven questions. Its so funny... because DrKan laughed to herself. Its freaky, but its cute too. Anyway, she targetted everybody near Christoven except me. Im so surprised! LianWei was asked to read a paragraph and SiHan was asked to... i cant remember. Anyway, he was meditating, so it aint that good to disturb his peace. YinXuan was sitting behind slacking away. Jeremy gave me this pack of MameeMonster, and it made my throat sore!

Audrey suggested that we play this gift exchange thingi for Christmas. I didnt know why, but i agreed and pulled many people down with me. Im kind of regretting it now, but still... its just for fun. So, everybody drew their lots and they're supposed to get them a gift and we'll gather on Tuesday for the gift exchange! So exciting right? The bad thing about this type of exchange is that people will always end up being disappointed. Well, i hope nobody will! And of course, i hope i wont! Whoeva drew my lot, i hope that u'll get me a really nice sweater. My skin is so thick, i know. Well, it has to be at least large in size, and the colour dun really matter... just be smart. I love sweaters. And try to get some comfortable, or... at least easy to wear and stuff. I hate those troublesome type of sweater. Anyway, thanks! Im not really sure what to get for the one i picked. Well, its tough. But, i think im up to the task! Lets see...

We went down to eat, and i went to drink soya myself because my throat was beginning to hurt. In the end, it didnt turn out quite well. So, i borrowed $2 from Christoven and came back with 3 cans of chrysanthemum tea. Now, im feeling much better. I gave my last can to Vincent.

We headed to Suntec, then we walked over to VCH. We were joking and talking about many things. Then, we saw this couple, and we purposely held each others hands and went forward to tease and disturb them. Anyway, we were in time to catch DrGoh's concert.

The concert started off with a trio, SiHan was playing the Cello. And thats it, i knew it, the piece is screwed! Im joking! In fact, i loved the first movement. It has this driving rhythm throughout the whole piece. Then, i enjoyed watching DrTan play. She is so adorable! She is the cutest performer! Then, theres other vocal pieces. Choir pieces filled throughout the second half, and of course also Samuel's Pipa with Shane on the Piano. The concert was long, and it has a wide variety of genre and style. I enjoyed some, but didnt quite liked a few others, especially the choir pieces. I think its an overdosage.

Went to eat with DongXiao, YeowYee, Mark and Jonathan. DongXiao paid for us first, because we're all broke. Anyway, dinner was great. Then, after that, they went off first. I accompanied the Mark and Jonathan to their bus-stop. I sprained my right foot, and it stung me as a sharp pain. Anyway, its like something snapped or something... It hurts so badly. I couldnt quite walk properly, so i sat on the steps and started to check on it. They went off to their bus-stop, and i took my time to walk my way back to Esplanade's bus-stop.

It hurts somewhere else now.

Im really sleepy. Im feeling lazy and im preparing myself for the buffet tomorrow. I hope nobody will turn down suddenly. People, remember to keep ur words! I'll see u guys at Suntec tomorrow. It'll be such a wonderful day. Anyway, i should start planning tomorrow's schedule because im not really sure when is the rehearsal. Im going to school to collect my Pipa before heading to MDC. Well... such a busy day ahead. I hope i'll have fun, and i hope to... nevermind.

I know that i might be giving u wierd feelings. But... goodnight.

Oomph

Ive just realised about Blogger's new features. Im so impressed. I love Blogger now. Well, it has instant publishing fuction, which will no longer require those risky waiting period. U know, sometimes u'll just have to stare at this spinning crap till its fully loaded into the net. Well, now its just so quick that its faster than a blink! Its now all just a click away...

Woke up late today. Well, suprising that it wasnt raining. I took my stuff and got nobody to blame for waking up late. If i were to point my finger, it would be myself for trusting others to give morning calls. Dun worry, its not somebody's job. So, no more next time!

I waited by the road for a cab. I noticed that there was somebody infront, so i allowed them to go first. Then, when its my turn, there came an Indian fat bitch who openly stood somewhere infront of me. She knew that im there, but she went on flagging for her cab. I tell u, this kind of bitches should be made into prata, for that they'll be of more use. Nevermind that, then there was this Chinese lady, she stood there and allowed another Malay fat bitch to walk infront of her. Well, im tired of all that shit. I walked infront of the Malay bitch and flagged for a cab. Well, i got it, and i purposefully turned around to look at her. I tell u, she was chanting some evil language. When the cab left, she scolded this obvious vulgarity at me. She should watch where she's going instead of me. U cut into the queue and u dun realise it? Come on, u do, because i saw u turning ur head around to check. U are plain evil!

I stole money. So, ive enough for myself. I took around $20, or $15. Anyway, i knew that im going to be late for my aural test when i see the face of the cab driver. He has this nasty look. He was cold and unfriendly. I told him not to go by highway, but he insisted. Anyway, there was a terrible jam. So... when im at school, i only paid him $10 and i told him that i only have that. Before reaching, i already told him that. He almost wanted to chase me down the cab when the fare hits $10, but he didnt. Anyway, thanks to him for being so generous to forgo the 50 cents. Thanks so much! I know that it'll affect ur income drastically, so... im really really thankful for being able to have the tolerance and benevolence to leave alone the few cents. Thanks so much.

I was late. I took my seat and took out a blunt pencil. EricWatson was playing the first question already. Its the melodic dictation, and i thought that i'll be terribly screwed, but i managed to get some notes down, which was good enough for that situation back then. What situation? Well, i rushed into the class, therefore my mood hasnt settled yet, and its tough to listen with a unprepared mind. The rhythmic dictation was tough, and so was the harmonic one. I tell u, im totally prepared to get a fail. This will be the first time im getting below 80! Ive always been good with aural, but honestly, i think that my ears are failing me. Im becoming Beethoven! Help! Wait... thats a good thing!

Not.

After the dreadful test, i headed to the computer lab for my next class. I lost my thumbdrive, and if anybody has seen it, please return my thumb to the rightful owner, which is me! Without it, i cannot hold anything properly. No! My homework and stuff are all in there, if its gone, it'll be such a loss. U understand? Do u know how i feel without it? U dun... because its such a terrible pain in the heart to repeat doing my music technology homework! Ive done it before already, i just need the thumbdrive to load it and complete it! Help! Someone please help!

Anyway, i didnt get to eat. I rushed off to meet ShuMin, and we took JunRu's car down to MDC. Well, its a sunny day, and theres no need to remind ourselves about the flood over at Mandai that day. Many cars were stuck in the terrible downpour. As for me, it was the worst day of my life in 2006. I hope that it'll not be too early to say... because theres only around 10 days more before the rising of the new year. Within these few days, i hope that everything will be calm and peaceful. I know, Christmas is coming, and to think of it... im expecting no gifts again this year. Dad, u know its Christmas, and u better get me something alright? I'll be sitting under the Christmas tree, waiting.

The rehearsal was fine. Tomorrow, the rehearsal timing will clash with DrGoh's performance, so... im of course skipping the rehearsal to catch his performance. I promised, so i'd better go, or else it'll be a waste of the tickets too.

Over at the counter, we're stuck with this stupid officer, who could not help being blonde. He was so fucking slow! Like a dead snail please! He took such a long time to pass us back our ICs, because we needed to exchange them for the visitor pass. For the past few days, i didnt even exchange the pass. I just ticked my name under the namelist, and it worked fine. But its wierd, because everybody finds it strange that i dun have a pass. Anyway, forget it, im never going to exchange for another pass again if the trouble goes on. The stupid officer better be slightly smarter. I hate retarded officers, but its no wonder that they're working as clerks too. Am i offending anybody? I hope not.

JunRu's Dad drove us to his place. He has this collaboration work going on. JunRu will be recording a CD with some Indian musician. I recognised him from the RobertCasteel's symphony back then last year. Remember? He played the Tabla! Anyway, Christoven should remember, because that Indian musician got scolded by RobertCasteel for not being able to count properly. But, how can we blame him? His type of music aint suppose to be as complicated as such! So... anyway, he improvised upon JunRu's playing. I think the idea is good. Other than that, i hope that it'll turn out better. JunRu's Dad supports him very much, and is willing to let ZhangLie compose 4 pieces for JunRu, as for the Indian musician, another 4. So, JunRu will have a total of 8 pieces under his name. Thats like so cool? Anyway, ive realised that money can do so much.

Though money can do many things. Isit practical? Thats the issue. What type of gossips will it bring? Well, i believe that i should just do things my own way and wait for chances. Today, i met LimChooLi in school. She taught me Chinese music last semester, and i tell u, she is a really motivating teacher! She is good, positive and encouraging. I love her. Im going to perform a duet with her soon, and i hope that she'll remember to bring the score tomorrow, because she brought the wrong one today. So, i do things like that, i wait for my chance and opportunity. I want to walk on both feet myself.

I went back to school by bus with YeowYee and ShuMin. They fell asleep, so did i. ShuMin was nodding her head non-stop.

Had dinner with Jonathan and KaiXiang. Jonathan came along because i think he is afraid that i might flare up. But honestly, i wont. I know, im childish and its better to just entertain me and to accompany me before i lose my childish tempers. We ate and talked over dinner about many things. After that, i had soya, and its such a wont already. I must have it at least once a day, or else it wont be fulfilled!

After that, i headed to the bus-stop with KaiXiang while the other guy went back to school. KaiXiang and i listened to many songs on the bus, and we didnt take bus 851. We took bus 57, since he has his concession, we'll take our time to get home.

The bus got till Bishan, and i thought about going to the library, and so did KaiXiang. So, i was trying to find my friend, who works there, while KaiXiang, looking for his own books. He borrowed 2 books on fitness and stuff. Then, we were talking about those brawny people, and those muscular crap. Anyway, KaiXiang wanna become like those macho crap. I told him not to, because enough is enough. Dun end up looking like some beef patty. He said that Edric's muscles are only physically alright, and not functional at all. Im not sure, but i think he's right.

We walked around, and wasted alot of time. He taught me Thai, and now, im a Thai. Im joking, but at least i can still remember some simple Thai language. We mixed Thai with Malay and it sounded so funny. Anyway, we took bus 162 back to my place, then he took bus 86 home.

Before that, we missed our stop, so... we ended up at YioChuKang MRT station. We walked over to my bus-stop, with him missing his bus, because of the traffic and mostly because of me pulling him back. Next, the next bus finally arrived, but he didnt flag in time... the bus left. It was like so miserable! He looked so down. In the end, we were sitting by the bus-stop singing away. It was really fun singing with him, because he can sing in tune and he can improvise very well! We wasted at least half an hour at the bus-stop. Meanwhile, we took some photos too.

Had fun generally, and i think im catching a flu. I saw KaiXiang sneezing at the library, i think he passed it to me! KaiXiang... u...

I better go cook something to satisfy my poor growling stomach. Have fun, and goodnight!

I Love The Rain

The need for rain at a particular time and the dangers attendant upon drought brought rain prominently into the religion of most agricultural people. Rain and thunder gods are most prominent in many mythologies than sun gods, and they have been propitiated in various ways in different cultures. The rain dances of the native Americans may, however, be said to be generally typical of all in the elaborate symbolic gestures and patterns and in the extensive use of drums and rattles, presumably sympathetic magic by the imitation of the sounds of thunder and showering rain. Because the purpose is to make the fields bear crops, the connection of such rites with those of fertility is obvious.

Right, whateva!

I woke up this morning with the words of my previous entry ringing in my head. Im right, i'll wake up with a showering morning. Though its much worse, its still somehow of what ive expected. So, i waited at home for the right time to move out. I got myself ready, packed my bag and took little cash with me. I tell u, my credit card is faulty! I dunno why. But since that day when i tried withdrawing from the ATM, its telling me that its faulty and i need to get it changed or checked. I dunno, im so pissed off. Without that stupid card, life is like a can of coke. Im not sure what the link is, but its like a can of coke! Maybe not. I think its like a glass of water.

Nevermind whateva, i took my bag and left home when its left with a small drizzle. I took the bus to school, and i thought that i'll be very late, till i met Jwen at Novena. Well, she pointed out Fhairil too. He was on the same bus! I didnt notice him at all. In the end, i wasnt late for class.

Well, its pretty sad that we'll be in different groups, Christoven and LianWei. After going through so much together, we deserve one last blow together to prove ourselves. But well, since MrYap has grouped us in this way, i believe its destiny. Its never our own calls.

Anyway, LianWei has to continue suffering. Christoven is a group leader by himself now, with some very friendly groupmates. Right? As for me, im in YongRui's group. Pity them please, for that they have me. U guys should know, im the most horrible person to have in a group. Firstly, i dun do my groupwork. Secondly, i dun do my groupwork. And last, but not least, i dun do my groupwork! Imagine that!

MrYap released us early today. We went to eat at FortuneCentre, because i said so. Jonathan came later, and he took care of my Pipa while i went to buy food. After eating, YeowYee and i tried very hard to flag for a cab. I went to withdraw money previously, but it couldnt work! Its so freaking irritating. Im like super broke. Firstly, i spent $100 within 3 days, and i know... its super scary. I dunno how, but i believe it must be the fault due to my generosity at times. I spent $60 on the first day for treating Christoven to Kuishinbo, as for the rest, im not pretty sure.

Anyway, no more next time! Im going to learn hard on how to save up money! I know, it sounds motivating and very determined. Trust me, im never that hard working. Im stupid and foolish. Its time that i really should learn a huge lesson to shock my own senses. Im joking, please dun. I think i should, but then... i think i wouldnt want to. I dunno!

The rain couldnt stop! Rain is said to be heavier immediately after a bolt of lightning. I know, its interesting. But, do u know why? The cause of this phenomenon is traceable to the bipolar aspect of the water molecule crap. The intense electric and magnetic field generated by a lightning bolt forces many of the water molecules in the air surrounding the stroke to line up. Then, these molecules spontaneously create localised chains of water. These chains then form water droplets when the electric field is removed. These drops then fall as intensified rain. Im so smart! Enough of the praises. But i tell u, the rain was so heavy that i couldnt even see anything when i was in the cab. The driver was so cautious about himself that he didnt wanna travel by Mandai, because there's a super heavy flood there. The policeman told us that there are cars stuck in the flood. I cannot imagine how the cars will get stuck. I saw a cab that was like half submerged into the water. Its really stupid! Isit that the cab was parked there, then the flood came, or did the cab drove itself into the flood? I think its the latter which proves how stupid people can be.

The driver dropped YeowYee and i somewhere. The dogs were literally barking and the cats, scratching the windows of the taxi. I meant, the rain. So... YeowYee took out her own umbrella and got herself sheltered. As for me, the driver gave me an unbrella. Im so grateful for the free umbrella. Well, on our way to seek shelter, we saw this lorry stuck in the water. Its such an unforgetable sight. Firstly, its romantic and next, its really such a rare ocassion to be able to capture such a scene in our memory. Therefore, i'll always remember this day, today. Its the most horrible day in year 2006!

Now, im carrying YanYu's Pipa and im making my way through the storm with a tiny umbrella, u think its possible? Feasible, yes. But, to an extent, no. I was driving nuts already. I was drenched all over, and i tell u, its really uncomfortable. Now that im home, im feeling so lucky to be able to keep myself dry! Its really a horrible experience. I needed someone to hold me through the rain, but there aint anyone else but me. I mean, YeowYee was there, but still... she's struggling her way through with 2 ErHus. As for me, the heavy Pipa has to be kept dry at all cost. Even though its impossible, i'll rather that i get myself all wet.

Thanks to this uncle and this auntie who came out to drive us in. We were all already drenched, like wet sponges. After getting to MDC, i saw Dedric and HuangZhiGuang, a Suona professional. Anyway, i got into the rehearsal area and everybody was staring at me and laughing. They werent laughing like a jester, but they were like stunned that im all wet. We were late, and so both us took our time to get in and find our seats.

I was so wet, i couldnt find any part of me which is dry, other than my face. Im exaggerating actually. Im not that wet, but still... its an ordeal. Its so cold in the hall and im wet, my hands were shivering and im sure that im going to sneeze any moment. Well, i saved my own embarrassment from not sneezing. But, if i hadnt borrowed WeiFeng's smelly jacket, i know that im going to fall sick eventually. The rehearsal was great! ZhangLie is indeed a world class conductor. He has the movements and the energy to bring the whole orchestra together. I felt the spirit moving like waves, and i felt so motivated to play. I love his conducting, and indeed... its special and unique. Actually, no. I think conductors should be like that! Even from the most basic, conductors should be able to do that instead of just hitting like a metronome. We need some direction.

Well, not only that i love the pieces, it touches me like no other music. I almost broke into tears while playing. I know, it sounds so dramatic. But im speaking the truth! I encourage everybody i know to go watch! Christoven might be going. Its really a huge production, there are many performers and many from SCO, SiHan's uncle who is from SSO, and i know there are many young talents there too, people like me. Im joking! YouGuo is performing too. And they're even going to be inviting some professionals from China. As for Pipa, i know, there'll be one woman who was in the same class as ZhangQiang. Its so amazing. I cant wait... to be king. I mean, i cant wait for the performance this Saturday. However, i seriously hope that it'll not be raining anymore!

Stop the rain please! The rain metaphorically has a sad and negative connotation to me now. Usually, its like a soothing joy, and its beautiful to enjoy the aesthetic appeal of it. But now, i really hate the rain! The rain spoils my day! It brings happiness into sorrow! Its that bad, yes!

Anyway, after rehearsing. I stayed at MDC, while waited for WeiFeng and gang to go home. They drove me down the hill, and they went to Tampines to shop. Since im near Sembawang, i thought of going to YanYu's house to return the Pipa.

I took a cab over, but to only remember that my credit card aint working. My fare was $7, but i only had $2. The driver was very nice and friendly. I told him that i'll rush upstairs to get money from my teacher first. And so, i went upstairs, and i knocked on the door for quite a while, but there wasnt any response. I called her, but her phone was off. I thought that she'll be sleeping or something. So, i went back downstairs and apologised to the driver, and i gave him all that ive got, which was like only less than $3. I felt so guilty, because the driver was so nice! He said that its alright, and he left with very friendly comments too. Thanks so much!

I called people to talk to, because i feel insecure myself. Theres a reason why i would call others with no apparent reason. Its because that i need someone to talk to, or i need some advice or words of encouragement. People just dun understand. Anyway, i waited outside her house for a very long time. In the end, i passed the Pipa to her neighbour and told them to take good care of it and return it to her once they see her. They were very nice, and they promised to. I felt so relieved. But... once i left the building and heading for the bus-stop, i realised that its not very nice to leave the Pipa there. I called somebody to seek help, or a ear to listen, but it didnt work out fine. I hate people who hang up the phone so quickly.

Anyway, i ran back to YanYu's house and gave the neighbour my number just in case if they need anything they'll be able to contact me. I took the lift down, and i went up again later. Im so fickle minded. I sat outside her house till i heard Angela crying! Somebody is home! I knocked harder and finally, the maid came out. Great! She should have heard my knocking earlier on. But nevermind, i got the Pipa back from the neighbour and put it back into her house. The maid was nice enough to let me into the house. I think maybe she recognised me, but ive only seen her once. Nevermind that... anyway, once i got the Pipa back to where it belongs, i felt so happy!

I took a cab home.

Right! Seriously, because im so tired. I know, ive no money. So, i called Chester to bring down some cash to pay for my cab fare. Thanks to him, or else i'll be selling my butt for cash now. But to think of it, who wants anyway?

Im safe at home now, while its still pouring outside. They say that rain is greeted with euphoria here in Asia. Go die bitch, whoeva said that, i hate rain now! I fucking hate rain!

Im so sorry, but i cannot find another word to express the depth of my hatred for rain. Its a stupid thing, but im going to write a song to vilify the rain!

Clarion Not

I walk the path and chose my route to be lonely. Though the trees, the stars and the wind, im still alone by myself for that the whispers, the light and the breeze doesnt not comfort my soul. Dun tell me. Dun ever tell me that im a utopian. Deep inside, i know. I do know that im a dreamer, with a seeking heart. Even with still no glitter of hope, i hold strong to faith. I believe that one day, despite the nimbus cloud, it'll be sunny and things will come my way. It will. It will come my way.

Im stumbled by the humble speech. The session of self praising, which doubts my feeling of an existing air. The generosity is a redemption for his contemptuousness, though i feel that its more often the bluster thats carried by the wind. Trust me, people can be very wierd, however, also very useful.

I just came home from dinner with JunRu's family, friends and ZhangLie. His father fetched me home, and im so thankful, or else i'll be drenched. Its raining really heavily recently, especially since yesterday. Today, the rain, again, was unpredictable. It came like a sudden pouring, and its false ending came like a sudden stop, and soon... it'll start raining cats and dogs again. I know, its as unpredictable as my mood at times, but still... i think if ur safe with an umbrella, u'll know how to stay dry. Same rules, if u have an umbrella with u, u'll know how to handle me when im down. Totally... the same. Why? Because, the same trick always work twice for me.

Once bitten, but never twice shy. I know, its a fault with my mentality and my way of accepting things. I get cheated easily. Ive fallen under my blanket of stupidity and has gotten myself hurt. Fallen from grace, thou as easily said, aint that easy to pick myself up. It took me a year or more, but now... it'll take me a minute or less to fall back down again. Im loose and insecure. Even with my rope tied around my waist, its still too easy for me to let go and fall back down to where i started from. Its a long way from the bottom up, but yet a short way from above to reach the ground. Im vulnerable.

I was late for choir today, therefore i didnt get to mark my attendance, for that im afraid that i'll recieve some scolding from DrGoh. I realised that my attendance this year is deproving. Im going to stick myself closer to the clock after this coming holiday. This is the last week of school! Because Christmas is coming! And im so excited. Last year, we went over to YouGuo's house to celebrate. I wonder, who will it be this year... Will it be WeiFeng? Or Kenny? I dunno. Anyway, my friends are all scattered over, thus its tough to bring them together. Or even... impossible. I get to celebrate more often, although it'll mean that ive to spend more too. Im still, as happy as before.

We sung in the library. I know, we should be keeping quiet there. But well, everybody was doing their own readings and stuff when we're singing. So, we're still entertaining ourselves. I hope that we enjoyed our own performance! We went back to school shortly after the performance. ZhangLie and JunRu's father came down to bring us to MDC for rehearsal. Ive a feeling that it'll not be allowed, so i stayed with Dedric in school. ShuMin and gang left with JunRu because they were running late.

I took my Pipa and made way to the recital hall. Thanks to Andy, he bought me lunch. I was stuck during the lunch hour because of the delay at level 4. JunRu and gang were deciding whether to go or not, and still seeking permission from MrYeo, who was unreachable.

Well im blogging now, its still raining heavily outside. Its surprising that how much rain can come down from the sky at once. Its like an ocean above!

Anyway, the ensemble looked pathetic. There was only 8 people. MrYeo intended not to go through any pieces, but i insisted... because its the only one chance that i'll have the chance to play Pipa. So, Andy and gang were like giving me that face. Before practicing, we were deciding and talking empty words about going overseas. Well, its unpredictable whether we'll be going or not. But, im sure there'll be a high chance if MrYeo would suggest kindly to Adams. And of course, it'll depend on Adams to sign the papers for us to fly. I know, its impossible to have it for free, so... i think i'll prepare at least $300 just in case if i need to pay for anything.

After class, i went to drink soya with QingLun, Jonathan and Andy. Well, after that, we went to play LAN. Richard came along, and we met YinXuan there. LianWei came later, and we played many games, with totally no sense of balance at all! Thats the problem with playing games, everybody has different standards. Now, LianWei is good enough already. As for Jonathan, still quite unpredictable. YinXuan is totally, still quite new to the game, even though he has the ability to move the hero around. Not bad at all!

I went back to school to take my attendance, unlike the rest, who stayed and continued playing. I met ShuMin in school, and we headed out for dinner. I took JunRu's car, while the girls went by cab.

Thanks for the dinner, JunRu. Especially to ur father for his giving. I love the bounty about such people, and its very good to have something and be charitable enough to give it away or at least, to spend it wisely for a good cause. And of course, to be unselfish about materials around.

Im now feeling low, im soon hitting the doldrums. I need a shoulder, but i only realise that everytime when i lean against my own. Ive only myself to rely on. U know, sometimes u just wish not to be lonely, although ur already used to it.

The sun will shine tomorrow, just like everybody's idea of a perfect morning. Though its very seldom that a morning sky would be dull and grey. But, its obvious for these few days that it is... clarion, not.