Im looking back, dusting my old internet accounts. Theres so much that ive left behind, but only constantly updating this. I just recovered my old group account, where i'll dump my compositions in for others to download, or this group where CSCO's pluck strings member used to hang out and post questions and bulletins. Its so old school! Come on, kick back, lets get back into the old school. Well, today is quite a boring day, while keeping myself busy with nothing, i had to do so much work! I know, contradicting right? But well, let me tell u what i did in a few minutes time...
Alright, ive just inserted a few more compositions into the YahooGroups. Well, i doubt anybody would go there, but its convenient for me to find my pieces wheneva im out of house, of course somewhere with internet access. Well, Christoven asked me out, but i couldnt because i was busy with my MIDIs. What am i up to? U see, i recieved emails about this wierd organisation, but i deleted them instantly usually, till i got one from JiaJia, from NAC. So, its about this group of young artists who would find time to do something out of their hobby or aspiration for a career in the arts. So, by joining, one can promote their music, take part in activities and join the apprenticeship programme, which i just decided to take part. Its called NoiseSingapore, i know it has been around for years, but its only today that i took some time out to finish understanding whats its purpose.
I was talking on the phone with Dedric just now. Well, we talked about many things, and its surprising how this NoiseSingapore has come upon his way too. He told me about what he heard and things like that, well... its not surprising, but somehow im shocked. I didnt thought that we'll end up talking for a few hours. However, it was great talking to him. I got to know current affairs, exchanged ideas and talked about some disturbing issues. My main focus was to ask him whether i should take part in the NoiseSingapore. Im afraid that it might not turn out to what i expect.
Anyway, i downloaded many softwares which helps in converting MIDI files to Mp3, but nothing worked out till finally i found this fantastic software at my favourite download page. Well, thanks to it, i submitted my 5 works, but my writeup for the interview hasnt been uploaded yet. Somehow, i cant get the format right. My computer is screwed! Damn it, stupid computer!
Guess what, i dun feel like blogging now, because my computer has some stupid crap problem. My MSN just restarted, and all my pictures are gone, including my nick and everything else! So, its like i just downloaded my MSN. Stupid shit right? And when i try saving a file, the desktop is missing! What else? Theres nothing in my document. Great! Great!
Anyway, if i dun get selected for the apprenticeship, its alright. If i do, its a new experience for me, nothing else.
Saturday, August 11, 2007
Thursday, August 09, 2007
Realism
Alright.
Im back into the mood for SarahMcLachlan, MariahCarey and BillyGilman. Its wierd, but their songs are seasonal, if u get what i mean. They represents a certain emotion, a feeling and a symbol for my voice. Its vocal, it talks about things that i wanna say. Whateva it is, last night, i dun think i got the message across quite efficiently. It was quite coolly, with u laughing along and matters werent serious at all. I wanna voice out that, im very serious about it and the problem is like a fester. I guess it'll never be said...
I didnt do DrTans homework, and she said im naughty. My goodness, shes so adorable even when she's scolding me! I love her! Well, we talked about modern music, their elements and their specific styles of writing. Its clear how she brought about the lectures, unlike DrKan, honestly. DrKan would usually spell out a bunch of words and descriptions that either sound alike or has similar meanings, then she'll talk about the terms of modern music with a very general description. She can go really deep, but its just not very clear... almost like a long journey down the kaleidoscope. On the other hand, DrTan would make sure that she drills the pin right into ur head and u bleed to death with the knowledge of what shes putting across. Its not painful, in fact, quite a pleasure.
Counterpoint is quite a headache for me, and theres so many possibilities to all answers, however... only a limited is good enough to pass. To prevent errors and any major mistakes, ive to be extra careful, but... its so troublesome. Christoven found it fun, which i believe should be a frenzy. Its like a phase that im going through too, i find history with DrTan fun. For now, i believe things are still simple, like childhood. Imagine back then, we said we love DrKan. We still love her, dun get me wrong, but its only after we graduated from the second year that the love came back. Well, now theres more things to worry... ive not done my counterpoint yet! I'll try to do it after blogging.
MajorTay has appointed YouYi and i to lead the ensemble's management, though Edward is officially in charge, but we'll do all the little useless stuffs. We'll appoint people to come to class earlier to set up the chairs and music stands. And in 2 weeks, we'll be playing for the platform. YouYi and i will plan out the programme, which ive already decided to play with Sophy. However, since ShuMin would be playing for a concert at Esplanade, i'll let her have the chance to play it at NAFA first. So, i wont be playing, and ShuMin will be playing with Sophy. As for the Ruan programme, it was quite a pain. In the end, since ZhangRongHui would want Jonathan to play the first movement of the concerto, we'll let him play. Well, CSCO will be playing the full movement soon, its going to be tough, but whats tougher is to hope that its well played. Anyway, i hate listening to music without the full movements, especially suites and concertos.
A pain in the ass, a splinter in the eye. I think my mind has been running wild into the rainforest again. Ive came up with my own conclusions about many things. Realism in arts are beautifully portrayed. In life, realism hurts. I cant deny that im not feeling quite good with u mixing with them, but theres nothing i can do. Im not those that denies my own predicament with excuses, i'll think thoroughly and somehow, i know where i stand. Im standing alone.
One ill turn deserves another, its over.
Im back into the mood for SarahMcLachlan, MariahCarey and BillyGilman. Its wierd, but their songs are seasonal, if u get what i mean. They represents a certain emotion, a feeling and a symbol for my voice. Its vocal, it talks about things that i wanna say. Whateva it is, last night, i dun think i got the message across quite efficiently. It was quite coolly, with u laughing along and matters werent serious at all. I wanna voice out that, im very serious about it and the problem is like a fester. I guess it'll never be said...
I didnt do DrTans homework, and she said im naughty. My goodness, shes so adorable even when she's scolding me! I love her! Well, we talked about modern music, their elements and their specific styles of writing. Its clear how she brought about the lectures, unlike DrKan, honestly. DrKan would usually spell out a bunch of words and descriptions that either sound alike or has similar meanings, then she'll talk about the terms of modern music with a very general description. She can go really deep, but its just not very clear... almost like a long journey down the kaleidoscope. On the other hand, DrTan would make sure that she drills the pin right into ur head and u bleed to death with the knowledge of what shes putting across. Its not painful, in fact, quite a pleasure.
Counterpoint is quite a headache for me, and theres so many possibilities to all answers, however... only a limited is good enough to pass. To prevent errors and any major mistakes, ive to be extra careful, but... its so troublesome. Christoven found it fun, which i believe should be a frenzy. Its like a phase that im going through too, i find history with DrTan fun. For now, i believe things are still simple, like childhood. Imagine back then, we said we love DrKan. We still love her, dun get me wrong, but its only after we graduated from the second year that the love came back. Well, now theres more things to worry... ive not done my counterpoint yet! I'll try to do it after blogging.
MajorTay has appointed YouYi and i to lead the ensemble's management, though Edward is officially in charge, but we'll do all the little useless stuffs. We'll appoint people to come to class earlier to set up the chairs and music stands. And in 2 weeks, we'll be playing for the platform. YouYi and i will plan out the programme, which ive already decided to play with Sophy. However, since ShuMin would be playing for a concert at Esplanade, i'll let her have the chance to play it at NAFA first. So, i wont be playing, and ShuMin will be playing with Sophy. As for the Ruan programme, it was quite a pain. In the end, since ZhangRongHui would want Jonathan to play the first movement of the concerto, we'll let him play. Well, CSCO will be playing the full movement soon, its going to be tough, but whats tougher is to hope that its well played. Anyway, i hate listening to music without the full movements, especially suites and concertos.
A pain in the ass, a splinter in the eye. I think my mind has been running wild into the rainforest again. Ive came up with my own conclusions about many things. Realism in arts are beautifully portrayed. In life, realism hurts. I cant deny that im not feeling quite good with u mixing with them, but theres nothing i can do. Im not those that denies my own predicament with excuses, i'll think thoroughly and somehow, i know where i stand. Im standing alone.
One ill turn deserves another, its over.
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
Skilless
Its great. And i think its good that its kept that way for now. Ive my own problems to settle first. Learning to ignore aint the same as solving. Therefore, something must be done! I managed to bring the point softly into place. Now, is there a place for me there? Im not really sure, but when i really need one, will it be there for me? I have doubts, but im relieved.
Choir was alright. Performance class was alright. Everything was alright. I think im losing the skill to blog. Alright... goodnight... alright?
Choir was alright. Performance class was alright. Everything was alright. I think im losing the skill to blog. Alright... goodnight... alright?
Monday, August 06, 2007
The Road Ever Goes
Such problems are not mine to settle. In fact, ive never stepped over the line once. It reminded me of my role as India in the conflict in SriLanka. I must admit that im not very strong with social science and studies, so... somehow, an unappreciated peace treaty turns horrendously into a snowy war. Whateva it is, things are turning down and doors are closing for me.
I woke up in the afternoon. I had to rush out of house, take a cab down to catch the bus. The bus should have left on time, or else i could have taken my own sweet time. Anyway, its my bad, so nevermind. Ive to return back into my sad and lonely schedule after today. Its Sunday, but im sacrificing it for an event outside, which doesnt interest me at all. Well, most importantly, im willing. So, i managed to make it on time, and we were gathered there early for a briefing before heading for buffet dinner.
The performance was an experience, indeed. Its an outdoor performance, by the pool, and under this little tent which leaves a quater of the orchestra outside. I was hoping that it'll rain, but i figured that it'll be worse... because the orchestra might be cut down to just a few, and im sure i'll have to play. Anyway, im sharing the score with a LiuQin. Alvin and YanJun sat behind, and they held the Pipa scores. So, i had to play on memory and figure somethings out from the LiuQin scores. Yes, there was a microphone for me. Well, i shared some thoughts with Alvin. Told him about myself and how i coped with CSCO, also mentioned about some Pipa players to him. He seems ignorant to such issues, but well... ignorance is a bliss! Dinner was alright, i enjoyed the free flow, the conversation with friends and pigging out leftovers.
We were seated, the night flown smoothly, with not much changes. During our interval, we were allowed to go wash up, drink and rot about. Some were chatting, laughing and some were shouting about. It was really fun to imagine how life would be if i was to grow up in a more neighbourhood surrounding.
The performance ended finally, with a picture taken with the president. He had a sense of humour. Its my first time seeing him up close, other than those pictures in the bank or ministry and sort. Im glad that we packed up and headed back home. I took another bus, which would drop the NYP students, who borrowed their instruments to this CSCO event. How generous. They're a helpful lot, always joking and never fail to amaze me with their bonding. But well, i was skeptical about that last time, not getting used to their eccentricity, but im fine now... more or less. I walked with them to their studio and helped with the instruments. After that, we all left together for the MRT station. It was crappy talking to them, and it ended my day on a softer note.
I live near NYP, so i walked home. Just took a quick shower, to wash away the weariness and ennui. Im feeling much better, blogging away and still thinking of things to talk about. I know these few days, ive been rather emotional with my words. If u were to think, blogging is about making those frozen words come to live, aint it so? The mood when i blog, is different from how some reader would perceive, so its hard to transmit this so called emotions to the readers. Nobody would understand how i feel exactly, but somehow... u'll get the picture as we sing along.
I realized that signs are showing. Its the keen sense of awareness. My senses are acute but my actions arent. I can tell that a dark road grows beyond my sight. What would i have, when all lights turn out on me? Friends? Family? Money? I cant rely on any, except for myself. Im so helpless at times, i need my own shoulder to give myself assurance. Im pathetic. Good night.
I woke up in the afternoon. I had to rush out of house, take a cab down to catch the bus. The bus should have left on time, or else i could have taken my own sweet time. Anyway, its my bad, so nevermind. Ive to return back into my sad and lonely schedule after today. Its Sunday, but im sacrificing it for an event outside, which doesnt interest me at all. Well, most importantly, im willing. So, i managed to make it on time, and we were gathered there early for a briefing before heading for buffet dinner.
The performance was an experience, indeed. Its an outdoor performance, by the pool, and under this little tent which leaves a quater of the orchestra outside. I was hoping that it'll rain, but i figured that it'll be worse... because the orchestra might be cut down to just a few, and im sure i'll have to play. Anyway, im sharing the score with a LiuQin. Alvin and YanJun sat behind, and they held the Pipa scores. So, i had to play on memory and figure somethings out from the LiuQin scores. Yes, there was a microphone for me. Well, i shared some thoughts with Alvin. Told him about myself and how i coped with CSCO, also mentioned about some Pipa players to him. He seems ignorant to such issues, but well... ignorance is a bliss! Dinner was alright, i enjoyed the free flow, the conversation with friends and pigging out leftovers.
We were seated, the night flown smoothly, with not much changes. During our interval, we were allowed to go wash up, drink and rot about. Some were chatting, laughing and some were shouting about. It was really fun to imagine how life would be if i was to grow up in a more neighbourhood surrounding.
The performance ended finally, with a picture taken with the president. He had a sense of humour. Its my first time seeing him up close, other than those pictures in the bank or ministry and sort. Im glad that we packed up and headed back home. I took another bus, which would drop the NYP students, who borrowed their instruments to this CSCO event. How generous. They're a helpful lot, always joking and never fail to amaze me with their bonding. But well, i was skeptical about that last time, not getting used to their eccentricity, but im fine now... more or less. I walked with them to their studio and helped with the instruments. After that, we all left together for the MRT station. It was crappy talking to them, and it ended my day on a softer note.
I live near NYP, so i walked home. Just took a quick shower, to wash away the weariness and ennui. Im feeling much better, blogging away and still thinking of things to talk about. I know these few days, ive been rather emotional with my words. If u were to think, blogging is about making those frozen words come to live, aint it so? The mood when i blog, is different from how some reader would perceive, so its hard to transmit this so called emotions to the readers. Nobody would understand how i feel exactly, but somehow... u'll get the picture as we sing along.
I realized that signs are showing. Its the keen sense of awareness. My senses are acute but my actions arent. I can tell that a dark road grows beyond my sight. What would i have, when all lights turn out on me? Friends? Family? Money? I cant rely on any, except for myself. Im so helpless at times, i need my own shoulder to give myself assurance. Im pathetic. Good night.
Sunday, August 05, 2007
Growing Weary
I wouldnt say that im shocked, neither surprised by both. I should say that, i think i need a break from the nonsense, and please let me recover from all those horrible drama. Poor acts, poor me. Whateva it is, stay this way for all i care, my hands are out of the water, washed clean.
U probably wont know this, because u lack the apprehension to care or to worry. But im telling u this, to get a splinter out of this wounded heart. Im feeling very down, and i cant believe how low i can get. Its like a bitter winter, biting on my dry lips, cracking on my skin. I'd enough of ur indifference. I seriously dun think im being overly demanding as a friend. Neither do i think that im over-reacting. Guess what, i know its not right to think this way, but lets face it... im always there, but u werent. Almost there aint there, its just to raise a smile on my disappointed face. Sometimes, i lock myself away from the world, from my social circle, just to listen to u. Even at times, i wait just for this blink of an eye, to just hear a few words before u disappear. Well, i guess im just too foolish... I cant believe how gullible i am. However, i cant deny that im amazed how similiar this scenario is as compared to those days in ACS. Those were the days, and this is the future... What does it hold? I really dun wish to count on it...
Ive been horribly busy. Just today, i had a full rehearsal for a performance tomorrow. It'll be held at a country club, and the soundcheck plus rehearsals are enough to drain all my physical strength. Imagine what, the mental torture was about to black me out. Tomorrow, ive to wear a coat during an outdoor performance. I guess the weather wont be that bad, but its the spotlights thats killing me. Moreover, the mass of sound coming from the airplanes from above was irritating me. It comes every few minutes, and i was there for at least 4 hours. Not forgetting the buffet, which tasted alright... and now, it seems that its causing some pain in my gums. I think i got a slight cut or something, im afraid of any infections. What should i do?
Moses called me the other day, asking about my solo for this charity concert. LaiWeng mentioned it once, a long time ago, and i almost forgot about it. Im not approached yet, and i think the concert is coming up this late August. Despite so, im still not receiving any news, im not sure whether its still on. If its going to be such a short notice, im afraid i might need to cancel it, or approach Sophy to do a duet together. Whateva it is, im not bothered, just somehow... bothered. Another thing that bothers me now would be choir on Monday. Ive not practiced the pieces, and im quite sure that i'll be chosen to sing... im kinda worried, i dunno why, but DrGoh seems to love picking on me these few days.
U wanna know what bothers me the most? What else, but ruthless poison from the tongue of wicked men. These gossips spread like wild fire, set loose upon the dry leaves. Its smoke rises and chokes the atmosphere with pollution and waste. Im not sure whether its killing yet, but im sure its already toxicating my life. Actually, im not really sure whether theres a source for these gossips, but somehow... if there werent any around me, im sure my predicament wouldnt turn out like this today. One of such, would be obviously my dear friend, who stabs his own friends behind their back everytime. Come on, if u can gossip about ur own friends infront of me, im sure theres more to say behind mine, not to mention also the large surface area behind my back to stab. Im joking, but im serious. Another confident source would of course be a miser, who tilts his head high up and walks with his nose. Such an arrogant freak has already killed himself by being himself. Whateva happens to him, its none of my business, and i think he's already quite dead. As they always say, its impossible to get rid of a cockroach. He lives, within his own domain. Lastly, a group of weakminded people who listens to every word their preacher has to say. I just cant stop it, but to curse them for their weak goblin minds. Come on, be smarter, know ur host, ur own friends more than i do, please. For the sake of shit donkeys, why cant u guys be more aware of ur own surroundings? And where is the trust? I dunno, but im beginning to despise u... though i once admired u the most. A statue on my altar has been crushed into pieces, im finding new hope within another idol. Be gone for good...
Am i stupid? Please tell me i am. I just cant find the route to a good healthy friendship. I guess its a musician thingi? Well, i look around and i witness many similiar factors which are affecting my life as well as others. Some elements are unavoidable, but some are just self attracting. So, i seek these problems myself? Im at fault for my problems? Im sure i am. Thats why there are too much to regret, but yet more to learn from.
I dun wish this to end, neither to i hope to continue. I think its time for a break. Everybody needs a holiday, or some time away from each other.
U probably wont know this, because u lack the apprehension to care or to worry. But im telling u this, to get a splinter out of this wounded heart. Im feeling very down, and i cant believe how low i can get. Its like a bitter winter, biting on my dry lips, cracking on my skin. I'd enough of ur indifference. I seriously dun think im being overly demanding as a friend. Neither do i think that im over-reacting. Guess what, i know its not right to think this way, but lets face it... im always there, but u werent. Almost there aint there, its just to raise a smile on my disappointed face. Sometimes, i lock myself away from the world, from my social circle, just to listen to u. Even at times, i wait just for this blink of an eye, to just hear a few words before u disappear. Well, i guess im just too foolish... I cant believe how gullible i am. However, i cant deny that im amazed how similiar this scenario is as compared to those days in ACS. Those were the days, and this is the future... What does it hold? I really dun wish to count on it...
Ive been horribly busy. Just today, i had a full rehearsal for a performance tomorrow. It'll be held at a country club, and the soundcheck plus rehearsals are enough to drain all my physical strength. Imagine what, the mental torture was about to black me out. Tomorrow, ive to wear a coat during an outdoor performance. I guess the weather wont be that bad, but its the spotlights thats killing me. Moreover, the mass of sound coming from the airplanes from above was irritating me. It comes every few minutes, and i was there for at least 4 hours. Not forgetting the buffet, which tasted alright... and now, it seems that its causing some pain in my gums. I think i got a slight cut or something, im afraid of any infections. What should i do?
Moses called me the other day, asking about my solo for this charity concert. LaiWeng mentioned it once, a long time ago, and i almost forgot about it. Im not approached yet, and i think the concert is coming up this late August. Despite so, im still not receiving any news, im not sure whether its still on. If its going to be such a short notice, im afraid i might need to cancel it, or approach Sophy to do a duet together. Whateva it is, im not bothered, just somehow... bothered. Another thing that bothers me now would be choir on Monday. Ive not practiced the pieces, and im quite sure that i'll be chosen to sing... im kinda worried, i dunno why, but DrGoh seems to love picking on me these few days.
U wanna know what bothers me the most? What else, but ruthless poison from the tongue of wicked men. These gossips spread like wild fire, set loose upon the dry leaves. Its smoke rises and chokes the atmosphere with pollution and waste. Im not sure whether its killing yet, but im sure its already toxicating my life. Actually, im not really sure whether theres a source for these gossips, but somehow... if there werent any around me, im sure my predicament wouldnt turn out like this today. One of such, would be obviously my dear friend, who stabs his own friends behind their back everytime. Come on, if u can gossip about ur own friends infront of me, im sure theres more to say behind mine, not to mention also the large surface area behind my back to stab. Im joking, but im serious. Another confident source would of course be a miser, who tilts his head high up and walks with his nose. Such an arrogant freak has already killed himself by being himself. Whateva happens to him, its none of my business, and i think he's already quite dead. As they always say, its impossible to get rid of a cockroach. He lives, within his own domain. Lastly, a group of weakminded people who listens to every word their preacher has to say. I just cant stop it, but to curse them for their weak goblin minds. Come on, be smarter, know ur host, ur own friends more than i do, please. For the sake of shit donkeys, why cant u guys be more aware of ur own surroundings? And where is the trust? I dunno, but im beginning to despise u... though i once admired u the most. A statue on my altar has been crushed into pieces, im finding new hope within another idol. Be gone for good...
Am i stupid? Please tell me i am. I just cant find the route to a good healthy friendship. I guess its a musician thingi? Well, i look around and i witness many similiar factors which are affecting my life as well as others. Some elements are unavoidable, but some are just self attracting. So, i seek these problems myself? Im at fault for my problems? Im sure i am. Thats why there are too much to regret, but yet more to learn from.
I dun wish this to end, neither to i hope to continue. I think its time for a break. Everybody needs a holiday, or some time away from each other.
Friday, August 03, 2007
Hold On
We've been having war so often. It happens that im always first to get shot. Ur merciless firing had me ended up in wounds that left memorable scars. I dun wish to tell the world that i care too much for myself that our problem doesnt bother me. But please, teach me how not to? I beg u so. U know what hurts the most? Its the intrinsic value that it holds. Vilifying, thats what im accustomed to already. Ur known to have a fortified character, thats what i worry most though i feel at times exposed at the front lines, behind a blockade. Sometimes, ur just too vituperative for me to manage, but mostly, ur like a gift that fell from the clouds. Im thankful, but yet it seems to me that times running short. It'll be most devastating to imagine that u might indeed turn out to become the last straw on my back. The burden is heavy, but yet the best is yet to be. The best, indeed.
Ive been biting hard with my schedule, though ive failed to plan my practicing slots properly. Being diligent aint my forte, if i should fail to brush up my socks, it might turn out to be the last and final chance to. Im getting out of NAFA soon, and what other woes would i have other than to get out in piece and in peace. My Mom has never forced me to do anything against my will, but she has driven me once with her expectations. She realised early that it'll never work. I'll rebel and i'll refuse to excel, and she managed to foresee such consequences with drilling exercises. Im how i am today, thankfully to Mom's method of controlling me. I gained trust as early as 8, and soon... im equally independant as i am since then. Imagine, a kid that age with the ability to save money up to $70 plus. The only regret was being too careless, as a result, i lost my wallet at Ikea's toilet. How forgetful, and what a miser would steal a little boy's wallet! However, for the kind of money inside, its really a hole in my heart which filled the miser's own. I was rebuked badly, but from then... i knew how to save my money with my own bank account. I remembered that i frequently visited the banker, bringing as little as $7 each time to deposit. Its really a tickle to think of it now, but now... ive grown lazy. I can just sit my donkey ass on a sofa whole day, and yet refuses to go down to the bank to deposit my savings. I know that many of my friends are amazed how i get all my cash. Mark asked so often that i just cant recollect how many times. In fact, im supposed to have more, but my imbecile father threw all his money to that fucking slut, Jane. When i ponder deeper, the pit gets darker and darker... Its really a pain in my heart...
But what hurts more is our friendship. Ive been hurt once and over again. Im never shy, which explains why im always bitten. Well, 5 years ago, my ruler was broken, just a few days ago, my heart. Thats the past, now im putting much hope into ours. Probably ive put too many eggs in one basket. Explanations are excuses. They share similiar definitions now. I cannot imagine why.
Lets chuck them aside. Recently, im in love with DrTan's method of teaching. She's so adorable and its almost impossible to sleep in her lectures. I dunno why, but im usually working hard not to doze off, but now im wondering if i can even wander into dreamland. DrGoh's composition tutorials stressed quite a handful of people, who didnt fulfill their duty to go hunt for folk songs. U see, we're currently working towards a composition which features materials from folk songs. We're basing ourself with Bartok's words, and we'll be arranging choral folk songs according to solid materials from our own research about a folk song, and its origins. We're to pick a song thats related to us, either with our race or dialect. As for me, a lover for the Mongolian songs, i picked 'GaDaMeiLin', which is a very popular piece as a symphonic poem, also as a common folk song. Its melody is unforgettable and very moving. I fell in love with it when i first heard it, but i remembered once that an orchestra played it, and i immediately fell asleep instead of otherwise. Therefore, with the pushing and the stress, many came to me for last minute work. Despite getting through the first tutorial, some changed while some carried on with using my Pipa practices, which were based on folk melodies.
I researched in depth, and found much sources about my selected folk song. However, there're just too many versions, due to the cultural backgrounds and influences. The original Mongolian version is however, sadly, lost. Alright, its not, but i just cant find it anywhere! So, ive planned to use the Chinese version. The tutorial today was very interesting, because everybody got a chance to talk about their chosen folk songs. Its funny how some presented, and its interesting how some got their information. I had a good laugh, but whats more entertaining would be the previous class, DrTan's lecture on instrumental and vocal teaching. She talked about many grading systems available now. She then talked about grading exams and their roles and purposes. Everybody in class had to come up with an answer, and she'll elaborate it further, and its how amazing how she can drive us round a huge lake and end up again on the same spot we started off from. She's just amazing! I love her! Anyway, the first 2 answers took a really long time... and somehow, she landed off somewhere talking about her friend's dog, and how it got buried and many other wierd things...
I prepared my notes beforehand. On my way to school, i whipped out the notes and scanned through really quickly. I read the first line of every paragraph and roughly got the idea of what its about. Im amazing! I learnt that from DrKan, sometimes im forced to, so im well trained.
Jeremiah is leaving soon. Anyway, i caught up with the movies recently. The funniest thing would be 'TheSimpsons', obviously u should know why. And for the worst, 'KnockedUp'. Its totally crap. U know how movies are when they lack of music. More surprisingly, the language was thoroughly spoilt with the overdosage of vulgarities. Some parts were practically funny, and many were either lame or too fake to be comedic. Anyway, i didnt enjoy the latter. American humour is something that we should be well versed with, afterall we're all so americanised already. U know, its not that everybody wanna be American, but due to its smart ways of spreading cultural styles through their superb media, its inevitable that the world is americanising in some way or another.
Whateva it is, it has been a shattering week for me. Im picking up the pieces, but shedding tears aint for now. Im holding on...
Ive been biting hard with my schedule, though ive failed to plan my practicing slots properly. Being diligent aint my forte, if i should fail to brush up my socks, it might turn out to be the last and final chance to. Im getting out of NAFA soon, and what other woes would i have other than to get out in piece and in peace. My Mom has never forced me to do anything against my will, but she has driven me once with her expectations. She realised early that it'll never work. I'll rebel and i'll refuse to excel, and she managed to foresee such consequences with drilling exercises. Im how i am today, thankfully to Mom's method of controlling me. I gained trust as early as 8, and soon... im equally independant as i am since then. Imagine, a kid that age with the ability to save money up to $70 plus. The only regret was being too careless, as a result, i lost my wallet at Ikea's toilet. How forgetful, and what a miser would steal a little boy's wallet! However, for the kind of money inside, its really a hole in my heart which filled the miser's own. I was rebuked badly, but from then... i knew how to save my money with my own bank account. I remembered that i frequently visited the banker, bringing as little as $7 each time to deposit. Its really a tickle to think of it now, but now... ive grown lazy. I can just sit my donkey ass on a sofa whole day, and yet refuses to go down to the bank to deposit my savings. I know that many of my friends are amazed how i get all my cash. Mark asked so often that i just cant recollect how many times. In fact, im supposed to have more, but my imbecile father threw all his money to that fucking slut, Jane. When i ponder deeper, the pit gets darker and darker... Its really a pain in my heart...
But what hurts more is our friendship. Ive been hurt once and over again. Im never shy, which explains why im always bitten. Well, 5 years ago, my ruler was broken, just a few days ago, my heart. Thats the past, now im putting much hope into ours. Probably ive put too many eggs in one basket. Explanations are excuses. They share similiar definitions now. I cannot imagine why.
Lets chuck them aside. Recently, im in love with DrTan's method of teaching. She's so adorable and its almost impossible to sleep in her lectures. I dunno why, but im usually working hard not to doze off, but now im wondering if i can even wander into dreamland. DrGoh's composition tutorials stressed quite a handful of people, who didnt fulfill their duty to go hunt for folk songs. U see, we're currently working towards a composition which features materials from folk songs. We're basing ourself with Bartok's words, and we'll be arranging choral folk songs according to solid materials from our own research about a folk song, and its origins. We're to pick a song thats related to us, either with our race or dialect. As for me, a lover for the Mongolian songs, i picked 'GaDaMeiLin', which is a very popular piece as a symphonic poem, also as a common folk song. Its melody is unforgettable and very moving. I fell in love with it when i first heard it, but i remembered once that an orchestra played it, and i immediately fell asleep instead of otherwise. Therefore, with the pushing and the stress, many came to me for last minute work. Despite getting through the first tutorial, some changed while some carried on with using my Pipa practices, which were based on folk melodies.
I researched in depth, and found much sources about my selected folk song. However, there're just too many versions, due to the cultural backgrounds and influences. The original Mongolian version is however, sadly, lost. Alright, its not, but i just cant find it anywhere! So, ive planned to use the Chinese version. The tutorial today was very interesting, because everybody got a chance to talk about their chosen folk songs. Its funny how some presented, and its interesting how some got their information. I had a good laugh, but whats more entertaining would be the previous class, DrTan's lecture on instrumental and vocal teaching. She talked about many grading systems available now. She then talked about grading exams and their roles and purposes. Everybody in class had to come up with an answer, and she'll elaborate it further, and its how amazing how she can drive us round a huge lake and end up again on the same spot we started off from. She's just amazing! I love her! Anyway, the first 2 answers took a really long time... and somehow, she landed off somewhere talking about her friend's dog, and how it got buried and many other wierd things...
I prepared my notes beforehand. On my way to school, i whipped out the notes and scanned through really quickly. I read the first line of every paragraph and roughly got the idea of what its about. Im amazing! I learnt that from DrKan, sometimes im forced to, so im well trained.
Jeremiah is leaving soon. Anyway, i caught up with the movies recently. The funniest thing would be 'TheSimpsons', obviously u should know why. And for the worst, 'KnockedUp'. Its totally crap. U know how movies are when they lack of music. More surprisingly, the language was thoroughly spoilt with the overdosage of vulgarities. Some parts were practically funny, and many were either lame or too fake to be comedic. Anyway, i didnt enjoy the latter. American humour is something that we should be well versed with, afterall we're all so americanised already. U know, its not that everybody wanna be American, but due to its smart ways of spreading cultural styles through their superb media, its inevitable that the world is americanising in some way or another.
Whateva it is, it has been a shattering week for me. Im picking up the pieces, but shedding tears aint for now. Im holding on...
Thursday, August 02, 2007
Fumble
The dark shade fell through the crack. The reflection in the window reminded me of a mystery. My red bricked room sheltered me from all sources of light. Theres no escape, but only a prison which locks my mental state from liberty. In the comfort of my bed, binded with my blanket, i witnessed the changing hues of darkness from the empty piece of papers. They flew like autumn leaves from my coffee table. There, a stained cup, weighted with sorrow and agony pressed hard upon my suicide note. I havent found enough time to end off the last sentence. There, it laid, empty in the second half, merely probably still stuck in my mind. Theres too much to think. Endless trains of thoughts, running upon the track of my breaking nerves. Im going crazy, or mad as i may seem. Deem what may, im rooted that i need no help.
Hold on. Hold on to myself, because the rest is going to hurt like hell. What isit thats in me that refuses to believe? It is easier to seek for no truth than to, though im practicing none. The mad prophet and his tales tailed me back home. If ur out there, wont u hear me, though we've never talked before? My heart is leaving, and wont u take him when he comes to ur door? Now ur sleeping peaceful, i lie awake and pray that u'll be strong tomorrow and we'll see another day. At the crossroad i am standing, i just hope an answer will fall from above. I'll learn to love the light that brings a smile across ur face.
The burning torches, the bloody runes and the droning chants. Love is sacrificial, but yet it doesnt come with a guarantee. My glass is empty and its a hell of a long way home. Will u take me? Its no good to go alone. After all the bullshit ive heard, its refreshing not to see that i dun have to pretend that they dun expect it from me. All i need is an assurance. Its not the wind that cracked my shoulder and threw me to the ground. U know of what i speak, but ur shaken to the bone. I just dun understand, i deserves so much more than this...
Uve never been there as much as i stood by ur side. Its a disheartening realisation. It pains me to ignore what i see, but yet hurts me even more as i tell myself a lie loud enough to believe it. Nothing is simply good enough for u. Let me try, i'll be good to u. I'll show u why that ur so much more than good enough. Despite my efforts, will u even remember me?
Im falling into a trance. I hear deep voices calling. They sounded like music to my ears, but they muttered ungodly curses. The paper on the floor now sweeps across my empty room. My solitude, my seclusion and my sanity now lies in the hands of fate, a monster ive created. Its not my command, its not my call anymore. Its in ur hands, u give the shot this time. I'll do what i have to do, but u carry on with what u should do.
Broken hearted, i laid in my bed, consumed. Im gone... The mystery in the window brought about curiosity. I blinked, took in life, and got onto my feet. I turned, facing away from the tall oak door. Looking down from the window, the limited view of trees slowly grew out of sight across the horizon. I wiped the mist off the window, and planted a grin on my face.
It hung for a moment. However, it fell back into place when my vision was enchanted with ur presence. Dimly lit, the candle flame swayed with the unfriendly wind. The familiar coldness brought about warmth. I rubbed my eyes, forcing them open, i stared into the flicker.
I tilt my head slowly, and the sound of nothing varies with my movement. Theres just nothing to do, i can only think of u. Of course, and me. The last tear rolled off my cheeks, and i smiled.
Floral fields, a boundless prarie of peace and romance. Butterflies and hummingbirds, the misty spring morning and the cool evening zephyr. There, lying in the middle of nowhere, its u. Surprised, i ran towards u. I laughed at the sight of u smiling at me. I cried with joy and soon it grew into sorrow once again...
The distance between us grew further and further. The fear of committment and regrets of ur wrongdoings has brought this gap into our friendship. Standing on the edge of something much too deep, i cant get myself to wander off. Its funny how we feel so much, yet cant say a single word. Dun let ur love pass u by, but weep not for those memories.
Hold on. Hold on to myself, because the rest is going to hurt like hell. What isit thats in me that refuses to believe? It is easier to seek for no truth than to, though im practicing none. The mad prophet and his tales tailed me back home. If ur out there, wont u hear me, though we've never talked before? My heart is leaving, and wont u take him when he comes to ur door? Now ur sleeping peaceful, i lie awake and pray that u'll be strong tomorrow and we'll see another day. At the crossroad i am standing, i just hope an answer will fall from above. I'll learn to love the light that brings a smile across ur face.
The burning torches, the bloody runes and the droning chants. Love is sacrificial, but yet it doesnt come with a guarantee. My glass is empty and its a hell of a long way home. Will u take me? Its no good to go alone. After all the bullshit ive heard, its refreshing not to see that i dun have to pretend that they dun expect it from me. All i need is an assurance. Its not the wind that cracked my shoulder and threw me to the ground. U know of what i speak, but ur shaken to the bone. I just dun understand, i deserves so much more than this...
Uve never been there as much as i stood by ur side. Its a disheartening realisation. It pains me to ignore what i see, but yet hurts me even more as i tell myself a lie loud enough to believe it. Nothing is simply good enough for u. Let me try, i'll be good to u. I'll show u why that ur so much more than good enough. Despite my efforts, will u even remember me?
Im falling into a trance. I hear deep voices calling. They sounded like music to my ears, but they muttered ungodly curses. The paper on the floor now sweeps across my empty room. My solitude, my seclusion and my sanity now lies in the hands of fate, a monster ive created. Its not my command, its not my call anymore. Its in ur hands, u give the shot this time. I'll do what i have to do, but u carry on with what u should do.
Broken hearted, i laid in my bed, consumed. Im gone... The mystery in the window brought about curiosity. I blinked, took in life, and got onto my feet. I turned, facing away from the tall oak door. Looking down from the window, the limited view of trees slowly grew out of sight across the horizon. I wiped the mist off the window, and planted a grin on my face.
It hung for a moment. However, it fell back into place when my vision was enchanted with ur presence. Dimly lit, the candle flame swayed with the unfriendly wind. The familiar coldness brought about warmth. I rubbed my eyes, forcing them open, i stared into the flicker.
I tilt my head slowly, and the sound of nothing varies with my movement. Theres just nothing to do, i can only think of u. Of course, and me. The last tear rolled off my cheeks, and i smiled.
Floral fields, a boundless prarie of peace and romance. Butterflies and hummingbirds, the misty spring morning and the cool evening zephyr. There, lying in the middle of nowhere, its u. Surprised, i ran towards u. I laughed at the sight of u smiling at me. I cried with joy and soon it grew into sorrow once again...
The distance between us grew further and further. The fear of committment and regrets of ur wrongdoings has brought this gap into our friendship. Standing on the edge of something much too deep, i cant get myself to wander off. Its funny how we feel so much, yet cant say a single word. Dun let ur love pass u by, but weep not for those memories.
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