Blank

Im not that tough. Im not.

Im just different when im alone. U know, i sit by my window, facing my computer, staring out to the morning skies. Sometimes, leaning upon the frames... i just let myself go. Why hide it? Theres nobody else here. Just let it go.

It brings back memories. A long time ago, i was caught by my friends. They saw it, i hid it. It took me long enough to run away. I remembered that day, from then i knew... im an unhappy child. I recalled WeiFeng's voice, and flashes of Jonathan chasing me. Then there was once, on the way home with my friends, he was down there. Waited for me, and there was nothing that came out of my mouth. Questions slapped me in the face, and i hid it. Now, i just cant believe it that he is gone. Its like just yesterday. Its almost a year now, i hope he'll remember that he has a son still here. I know, i heard the apologies in my head everytime. U know, its easy to forgive... but never easy to forget.

Now, i look out, and see nothing but a starry sky. U know, its hard to spot stars. When u need them, they're often unseen. U know, hiding away in the clouds... but when u see them, u take them for granted. Im feeling strange, its sapping away my emotions. Soon, i'll turn numb. Then, i'll head for bed.

Im still not sleeping.

Unconditional love. What is that again? Eternal love, i know, theres almost no joy. When u let somebody go, because u know that he or she will not be happy with u, thats eternal love. On the other hand, those limited love applies to short lived relationships, aimlessly knocking upon each others doors. Nobody will be there to answer. I have eternal love within me, still burning like a lit candle. However, have u ever seen a dark flame? It keeps eternity rolling...

Somethings can never be undone. Whats done is done, and consequences takes place right after. I sit by my window, whispering to the wind, hoping that it'll carry my words to somebody's ears.

Breaking the silence, a cold shiver chills my spine. Unconsciously, i'll feel somebody patting my shoulder at times, even an echoe of my name. I'll look around aimlessly, only to disappoint myself. Ive wondered... its my sanity, isnt it? Or my uncontrollable thoughts. Frantic, yes... frantic.

Ive caked my memories upon a piece of white paper. Ive glued my childhood photos on an empty album. I took my favourite colouring book and packed it with my bedtime storybooks. And now, i look at them... and i smile, they're all still blank.