Saneness Or Sadness ?

I think Blogger has some serious problems ... they page is not structured properly ... i dun think u know what i mean ... Anyway , i feel so sad today . Its like the worst day of my life .

In the morning , i got warned by Yohanna that i might repeat a year if im late for Aural classes again . However , i already missed 3 harmony lectures . Then she said im lagging behind , but she is still quite nice to actually smile at me , like DrKan , but not as good , and she taught me personally and privately about the open and close harmony thingi . It was quite easy , but i think she lack of the skill to explain things clearly . Since she got perfect pitch , i think its harder for her to understand how stupid people like me cant hear the chords .

I hate it when people start to whisper , though it dun irritate me much compared to others , but i just dun like the sight of it . It shows that there is a gap between things , and somehow a distance between people . Its usually these kinda actions that create boundaries and gaps between relationships . Secrets , or whateva it is , i think if u wanna share it with someone , wait till its somewhere private or something . Dun do it infront of others . Im fine with it , but others arent . Whats the point of going out in a group when there are lines within ourselves , and some just cannot cross it . Whats the point ?

I took at cab to Fullerton , only to find that i forgot to bring my Pipa . So i went back to take my Pipa , then back . Total , it cost me $15 plus already . I was so sad and so in a rush , then i felt so tired , how to play later ? Nevermind about that , then there was rehearsal . Some people just arent that good in improvisation , because they lack experience , so many things sounded like shit . And some instruments just cant mix and blend with the sound of others . I couldnt say much , though im in charge of the music , but its bad to point to others and tell them not to play or something . My pieces were too hard to sight read , so they had no confident on playing it , so its wasted like some other pieces . Performance itself sounded so much better anyway , so im glad .

Anyway , the wedding touched me . The guy must be damn rich . He's wedding is like so perfect , their little video clip was so cute and touching . Sometimes i just feel like cuddling together with someone , and just lay on the grass and spend the night outside . Im a dreamer , so dun care about me . Anyway , i had fun there , but i was so tired that i think now i can only think and type , i cant even bother to take off my coat and my school uniform . I wore my uniform today because i was bored ... and partitially because there is nothing else to wear ... I liked the setting and surroundings at Fullerton . Its quite the place where romance will settle and spark the magic .

I brought so much things back . The girls went home straight away . Then , leaving the guys to suffer . Because the CC is closed already , we had to bring the instruments back home . I brought back the attires and the DaRuan . I had to carry my bag , sweater , Pipa , DaRuan , Coats and the StanleySadie text . I was practically clampering my way back home . I was like tearing and crying on my way home . Im so disappointed and im so tired , and yet now i had to suffer my way home . It took me a long time just to get into the lift and take the stuff upstairs , because it kept dropping . I was all alone , and i had to kneel down to pick up my textbook and the coats scattered all over when it dropped . I felt like dying ... When i reached my doorstep , i shouted for help . Then my mom said i was being 'Kapo' . She dun understand that CSCO is a home to me , its my duty to help . However , sometime i just think whether im being used more then im taken care of . FuKang has this very naive and childish personality that shines in him , that made him a very different person from us . Thanks to Stanley , as in the Dizi player not Sadie , and KaiYi and FuKang .

And of course , thanks to Samuel . Thanks for asking ... now im feeling the same ... not any better ... I did so much just to earn this pathetic amount of a hundred . This is the worst and busiest performance ever ... I didnt expect anyone to ask me about how my performance was . Think ur the first in NAFA . Im touched ... but ur still the 'NNP' . U ass ...

Ur right , WeiXun . Pipa is my passion , and i should be enjoying it . I dunno whether its a curse or a passion now ... it is controlling me instead of me controlling it . It plays with my life ... im cornered and trapped in its hollow . Pipa , a monster or a friend ? I dunno now ... it feels like a stranger to me ...

I have no idea who is reading my blog . It has gone up ever since i am in NAFA and after that incident . Thanks for reading anyway . But still keep to the rule ... read the subtitle to this blog .

The Forgotten Conductor

Today blogger got something wrong . Or maybe its just me ... Anyway , i forgot to talk about yesterday's incident on the bus . I saw a conductor , and i was so scared and worried . I was actually dozing off , but then when i suddenly woke up , a man wearing white was approaching me , so i pretended to look worried as if i missed my stop . So , i picked up my bag and lifted myself up . I quickly left and nudged my way through the crowd , passing the conductor . What conductor ? Its the bus conductor of course ... What happened next ? I took another bus , from 851 to bus 162 . Anyway , the previous bus was so crowded and it was so warm and humid inside . Bus 162 was alot better , it was cool and empty .

I just came home from school . Today i printed the scores , the "East Arc" . Im going to play it , but the players are not confirmed yet . I hope nobody will somehow 'hate' me for not choosing or asking them to play with me ... i hope not . Anyway , im now broke , very broke . I cant imagine how my money just disappear .

Today was indeed tiring . I missed History lecture , usually people are late for 20 min , for me , i only have left 20 min of the lesson . Im so broke now that i got no money ... i paid for dinner and i treated the smelly toufu yesterday . Now im so broke ... but i feel bad asking back for money . So , i think i better keep quiet .

The 'DoRa' thingi isnt irritating me much unlike Fhairil . Guess i just know how to just forget things that arent meant for me to know ... well , nevermind .

Greenhorn

I see my own reflection upon this lonely creature i see . He has this aura that reminded me of how i was before , and its really really sad . Life will change , and maybe thats where it will start , at NAFA . Now , i think life really begins ...

What can i say about Samuel ? I think he the central of attention whereva he goes , thats a good thing . I feel very comfortable with him around , and i definitely enjoyed having his company . Audrey , the 'cutest' girl class . She is the hyper active type , and she has lots of personality , eccentric i must say ! I love audrey's jokes and her company . Fhairil is someone i will share my comments with , because i think i can get lots of opinions and ideas from him ... and sometimes he really tickles my bone . SiHan is really nice ... YongRui is ... weird . Im joking ... but i dunno what he's thinking sometimes . Mark , hes the gentlemen among all , the ultimate team worker . Fairul is fun to be with ... because he is weird and he is also very open . And ... i must admit that i cant stop myself from making fun of him since i know him ... as in u know what i mean ... Well , thats all for today ... I believe there is plenty more that i havent name yet ...

Secrets are what u tell others not to tell anyone else . Sometimes i feel like im a dairy , or maybe a backstabber in some manner . I dun say bad things about people ... but , i know so much that i force myself not to say it out even when people needs to know it . So im somehow betraying them . Not backstabbing ... its betraying . Betrayal is something i fear most , but yet its something i always do . I keep secrets well , and i never leak them out , unless they are meant to be heard or they are not secrets at all , due to how u might look at it . To me , something someone entrust to you is really important ... so , i never break my promise .

This few days , i hear this term quite often , and its 'DoRa' . This is actually ur musical notation thingi . However , in here , its used as an algebra to replace something . Its a secret , and its something very horrible , though nobody told me the answer to what it is ... i think i can slowly figure what it is already ... though im not even 10% confirmed about it . If im not wrong , 'DoRa' happened in NAFA to somebody , but its not confirmed whether it really happened . And this thing is something that is hard to name , but it has processes linking to it , and linking to others . But well ... i dun really care , unless someone wanna tell me . So , dun bother !

I think im going to fail harmony . Today , i recieved my term test , and i got 31 upon 50 . It was considered good compared to others , who are so much better in music than i am . Alot failed , and some barely passed . The better ones i shant talk about them ... but ... dun worry its only a term test . Sometimes u have to consider who is teaching u . An unqualified , inexperienced greenhorn lecturer wont help u much isnt it ?

Mania Or Craving ?

I feel so sad now ... Actually i was very happy today . I felt so welcomed today , and i loved that feeling . Im quite happy till someone ruined my day just like that just now .

Today nothing much happened , only that i pity YongRui that he always had to suffer to teach me abit of the Piano . We played this duet that was meant for the DoubleBasses . And it was so easy , it was in C . But im not used to looking at sight reading western score ... so it took me quite long to figure my fingerings and to find my notes . So he had to play over and over again to suit to my condition . Poor thing ... And he still owe me my piggy face pictures .

I just came back from Chinatown . I bought 5 CDs today . My mom promised me , but she say she'll only pay me for one , the rest i pay myself . I paid $77.90 on the CDs , but in the end , she paid me back $100 . So ... its quite a good exchange after all . The thing that made me angry was the thing she said . She said that i dunno how to buy CDs , she say that i bought it without knowing whether its nice or not , sometimes yes , but most of the time , no . I change the tracks because i wanna listen to another song , it doesnt mean that i hate the song im listening . She insisted that i should listen to the whole CD without changing tracks , and she said that it will spoil the CD . What nonsense ... who would wanna torture themselves by listening to other tracks and wait for maybe an hour till it reaches a song they wanna listen to ... ? Its nonsensical , sometimes i just think that her thinking and mine is totally different . Her mindset is really out dated . Anyway , another thing i hate is how she look at music . Its really irritating me ...

So pissed . But when i look at the CDs i have ... im so happy again . They cheer me up .

I noticed that many people is reading my blog , the numbers really increased . Scaring me ... now i feel as if that the blog isnt the place to put all ur thoughts in anymore . Its so dangerous that there are people waiting for u to just slip and fall , and some really eyeing on ur mistakes . Its really annoying that there is really such people alive . And they really exist , there is nothing better they can do , therefore , im speechless .

The Follower And The Leader

Today i was late for practice , and Mike called me . Today , YouGuo isnt around , because he flew to China already , so i had to take over and teach . Well , bad news for me , and good for others , im the new sectional leader of CSCO TanBoYue . Its so sad ... im going to cry now . Im busy enough , i just want to play , i dun ever wished to be in the committee ... it means that ive to be committed , which means that ... im dead . Im busy enough ... please ... save me , is there anyway i can protest and reject this post given to me ? I hope so ... but they say no choice ... what kinda nonsense is that . Ive no rights to choose what i want ? Sad ...

After practice we ate at KFC , i feel so fat now ... or maybe ive been like that all the while . Anyway , Kenny told me something ... and please , its impossible , dun waste ur time ruining other people's life . Im a first hand victim ... im joking ... but ... seriously , u dun have to be what u dun want to be , or u dun have to force urself . What is normal is considered normal to what u think is normal , its not what other people think . I think that im normal , while others dun . To me , im the most normal person on earth , who else can deny that ?

My composition is spreading now ... i think my class knows about it already . Stop spreading please ... im scared .

Im watching the HongKong show on the vampires one ... Long time ago , it was such a nice show , not its super crappy . I think HongKong TV series , have the worst graphic , followed by Singapore's .

Decomposition

The Clarinet Concerto that i wrote ... is very cute i think ... Many said that its cute ... and very childish . How it came about ? Actually it was a joke on SiHan and his self-proclaimed Clarinet skills . He said he could play it ... so we made a joke about a C Major scale concerto . So the idea came alive . Boredom and abit of stupid ideas were the ingredients to this concoction . Its an occurrence of an unusual mixture ... but somehow i think it may appeal to many , since it has this very familiar tune to it ... this piece is 100% original , but the frivolous melody might sound familiar in some nursery rhymes ... ? Anyway , thats it ... Gildon's Clarinet Concerto . Thats only the first movement ... more to come next time ... Anyway , ive done about 70 pieces from Sec 3 till now ... Thats quite alot , but only a few is audible . The rest may just rot or spoil ur ears ...

I just came home from a concert at SCH . SCO's concert never fail to disappoint me everytime i leave its concert hall . I think that SCO is getting poorer and poorer . Today's soloist were WangZhongShan and YangWei . I went for today's instead of yesterday's because of the Pipa Concerto , "Inner Vision" . This piece is a world premiere , by LuPei . I havent heard of this composer before , maybe he is somehow like BrightSheng or TanDun . YangWei has a very sharp tone in his usual playing , but today i didnt hear it . In fact , his Pipa sounded kinda heavy , the sound didnt really shine out . Yangwei plays the Pipa with so much gusto and style that its entertaining enough to see him play . This piece is very modern , in fact , too abstract or contemporary for me to understand . However , i do appreciate its character in its music . The piece was 45min long , it was a killer . Though i really dun know what it really is trying to convey , but i what captures me the most is YangWei's stylistic playing . The three movements dun really have a common theme after all . The ideas dun really link and it sounded like individual solo pieces . WangZhongShan played like a typical China man . His body language is superb ... What strikes me was his foundation techniques . I think thats one of the best ive heard so far , because i dun listen much to Zheng . He is indeed a master ... too bad i missed his Zheng Concerto , "Tradegy of Li'An" .

Again , the other programmes of SCO was indeed a bore . Why ? Its the usual thing that we always can expect . I think since the soloists are here , they should join in and play , or maybe feature them more . I think its not enough ... its really sad . Though how good or interesting a concert may sound , in the end , it always has this element that pulls the entire spirit down . Its either this or that is not enough .

Its been so long that i last stepped into SCH , and indeed it felt strange . Like the windows stared at me like a stranger to its eye ...

TeamWork

Today was the most physically demanding day ... Guess whats today's occasion ? It was NAFA's Sports Day ! And of course , u should know , i have a phobia for balls , so what else could i take part other then the audience ? The place was like an oven . It was held at YioChuKang Sports Complex . It was so damp , and it was so hot . Ive never been so active in my life at any sports event . Ive taken part in cross-country before , and of course u can expect which place i came in . Anyway , ive never cheered so loudy and somehow feel united before . DrKan led the cheer for the final event , the telematch . Ive never seen her so 'crazy' before , she was so on and she really cheered and gave us the rhythm of the cheer . She was so funny , and she is so cool ... Anyway , i was really really tired . I was so dumb to stay throughout the event , though many people left , i walked around and idled around . We were joking and really having a killer time there . Though SPA didnt really made it ... but im still kinda happy . Its the kinda weird feeling ... Then , after having boredom burning my brain , i came up with this idea of making the balloon stay afloated in the middle of the air . So we balanced it by tying some cardboards at the bottom of the string . We kinda had fun , people were laughing , taking pictures , while the prize presentation was going on ... Fhairil then took the balloons to the middle or somewhere near to the queer drag host and let it float there . I couldnt take it ... i was laughing all the time . However happy we all were , there were moments when i suddenly just got depressed . Im moody i know , but i wont really let it show .

After such a tiring event , i decided to go rot somewhere . We all then decided to go to Woodlands to rot . The whole gang went along , except for YongRui because he's too tired , and SiHan because he has to practice .

SiHan went to tell MrGoh about my compositions ... die . I think im gonna get this kinda weird comments that might stop me from enjoying composing forever . But i hope not ...

Today we were really killing ourselves with jokes . We spent one hour or so at McDonalds after dinner at PastaMania , listening to super long jokes . One was the green pingpong balls , and the other one was the baboon . We laughed till our asses turned red ...

Guardian Devil ?

Yesterday i chatted with YiChun over at MSN . He came up to me , and the first thing he always say is something negative . Firstly , he will call me name . Wheneva he does that , my heart skips a beat , because i will be somehow shakened by the things he will say . I knew it , i can expect something , its always filled with surprise . I hate that ... but i really dunno whether to hate or like him . He is irritating at times ... Anyway , he responsed to me nickname , because i was very fed up yesterday night because i missed the masterclass . He said i was an attention seeker , which oviously im not . I prefer to be hidden behind the Pipa , and just play in an orchestra somewhere at the back , preferably behind the percussion . Anyway , i told him to delete me off his MSN list , since we dun even talk much , or we dun even have anything common to talk about , he like toys , i like music , there is no direct link somehow ... His response was another surprising one , he said , why would he wanna lose an old friend ? It really shocked me , my heart kinda melted , but i just feel like im so naive all over again . Better not talk about this anymore .

Stop being so nice , Gildon . There is no good folds in return . Ur just being used , over and over again . I believe more in retribution than good harvests . Im so naive , really . Whats the point in helping someone like that . Its not worthy ... seriously . Forget it , the way we treat each other is totally in a different attitude . We see things differently ... forget it ... i dun even need a friend like that . A friend , or more of a known stranger is somewhat better .

No wonder the people reading my blog has gone up , almost by one fold . Anyway , thanks for reading my blog , my classmates and peeps from NAFA . Thanks ... but i wonder who is the one who started to spread and tell the others to read . My blog is sad ? Not really , it just lack of my usualy humour . I think everything has a limit and i try my best to not allow humour to cross this yellow line . I want to put a clear stop here , and allow myself to contemplate and focus on what i think . I like to put my thoughts in words , but i dun like to write , i prefer to type .

YanYu's lesson today was kinda fun . We watched WuYuXia's VCD on the song "XuLai" , also known as "The Sound Of Silence" . This song is so expressive and fun , though my finger is like burning now . No choice , i had to play this for exam . There is nothing difficult about this piece , it just require more understanding of its history .

Im so tired today , especially after the discussion with DrKan . Really thanks to Samuel and Mark , they did most of the job . I must say , im very lucky to have them as my team mates . But i think its their misfortune to have me ... Anyway , i overslept on the MRT , and i alighted and Admiralty and took one stop back to Sembawang . I drooled again ... dunno why ? Whats wrong with me !? My mouth like got so much saliva ... i think it must be that time i got 4 ulcers , then my lips kinda protruded , then i think i got used to it ... now , wheneva i talk or sleep vertically , i will drool . Its so damn disgusting ... dun laugh , i dun want this to happen ! It has never been like that before .

Think nowadays im more open than before , at least i talk and socialise abit , unlikes my days in ACS . I think i dun even know whether they have my record there as a student or not ... Life in ACS for me is really interesting , i couldnt believe what kinda student i was . I was the super slack and yet the one who passes his exams , though certain papers may fail , not just once . However , overall i did quite well . My attitude and conduct has always been excellent and very good . Attendence wise , its the worst . But i always manage to run away from problems ... That include the usualy detention classes or homeworks ... I have no idea ... Are the angels or devils helping me ? I dun care who does , but all i want to say is ... thank you .

Fat

I cant believe im that naive . Once bitten , twice shy . We all know that , but who really ever goes by what it says . Everyone just wanna take the risk and take one more step into the bottomless pit , again .

For me , im really ... really ... really .. hungry . I was helping Dickson , my baby cousin , with his bowels . He couldnt shit , so my mom had to grab him by his hand and open his 'asshole' , i dunno what its called ... anus ? I use the word anus for the moment ... Then i used this medicine thingi to stick it inside his anus and squirt the liquid in . I dunno how it might hurt for him , so i didnt dare to stick it all the way in . He was crying like hell ... Then , after deciding on whether to use the next one , he suddenly ... u know ... shit . Whats the past tense of shit ? Isit shat ? I dunno ... anyway , then he clapped his hands . Damn funny ...

I just came back from dinner , im so full . People say ive grown fatter , but i think they didnt know that i was 10Kg lighter before , and now my mood and appetite is back , so just let me eat !

I didnt go to school today , im not feeling very good , but today is an important wednesday . Wednesday is always filled with programmes . If i miss today's lectures and classes , i think it'll take me long to catch up with my work . Im lagging behind anyway ...

So stressing ... so painful ... its killing me .

I just realised ... i missed the masterclass of YangWei . Fuck !!! But ... im still watching the concert . But anyway ... fuck !!!

Scornful Pity

Im feeling so much better now . I didnt blog yesterday so i think i shall just blog yesterday's ordeal now . So , expect another one tonight . My blogging time is around 11pm to 2am ...

Yesterday i told many people about my incident , and many of them found it ridiculous . Inspiring scornful pity ... its completely devoid of wisdom or good sense . I sounded like i didnt care , but honestly , even before a concert somehow u'll feel nervous no matter how many umpteen times uve performed before , right ? Nevermind i shouldnt talk about this anymore ...

Now then i realise that it has always been me ... not him . Well , i think ... somehow i was the shallow one . But ... but ... im still a mule .

The wedding is coming ... and im still finding some Taiwan folk songs , or maybe Japanese or Thai . Its so hard to find ... i think i go rearrange one more later . One a day shouldnt be that hard . I already did 2 ...

I need help !

Think yesterday we had a killer time at BurgerKing . The jokes on DrKan will just never end . Its not that she is such a hot topic , she is a really nice and caring teacher , one of the best ive ever met , but she just has this figure that doesnt quite suit into a joking scene . Therefore , its funny to imagine her in such predicaments . The jokes will always linger around as long as she is around . Cant imagine how the jokes will pass down to the juniors ... Im gonna laugh for 3 years .

But after laughter ends , its time for reflection and contemplation . My quiet moment has come again ... my mind just rang some possible answers for all my questions . Sometimes i may have predicted how things will always turn out , but im just not sure what will happen in between .

If uve noticed , and many people asked , why i dun have a tagboard ? The answer is simple , does this blog even look like a blog . Of course i does , but its not that informal after all . Its all about opinions and comments , and sometimes its so painful that it stings . Imagine what kinda tags im gonna get in my tagboard . Im sure its all negative ... so whats the point . And this blog is not about all ur fun and crazy jokes . Though the baked beans did make quite a number laugh , thanks to Kenny , but i still think i wanna keep this place here silent and dull . After all , life is sad .

Put me to sleep and let me go with the winds ...

Self-Stressing

Im so tired . Isit the lack of sleep ? Or isit that music takes my breath away everytime i ventures into its realm .

I just came home from the commuter concert of our NAFA composition major students . I must say its unique , but no matter how unique , it still is too far from what i expect . I cannot reach its state of understanding . For me , i didnt enjoy myself there at all , other than Goh's RasaSayang Variation . At least it sounded really like a song that is written quite professionally . The others dun really suck , but i just didnt quite catch what its saying and what it really wanna convey . I liked the piece with the baritone , i think that one has music playing with words , the words from the poem . That was meaningful , and its really directly playing with the words . The rest didnt quite got into my ear ...

Just now on the bus , i was quite pissed , maybe its because i was tired . The indians were really inconsiderate . There was this malay lady with her children , then she occupied one seat with her plastic bags and loads , actually it was only like 2 small bags . So i stood there staring at them , till they offered the seat to me , and they had to ask whether i wanted to sit ! Dumb or stupid ? U choose ... Anyway , then there was this other malay teenager , she was dressed in a very punky manner . She had strong foundation powder thingi caked on her face and with strong dark mascara , to outline her eyes . It was really horrible looking ... Look , i hate this kinda malay girls , they really piss me off just by looking at them , and worst , with piercings and crazy hair colours . Its really awfully disgusting . She was like despising some indians when they boarded the bus at little india , and some of the indians just had to sit when they are going to drop and alight after just 1 or 2 stops . The malay girl stood away when the indians came near her , with a disgusted face . I think the disgusted face should be on mine . Im not being racist , but im trying to understand why races just cant really live together . Though how much people may think we are living in a racial harmony , but we are actually quite far from it . Though its not till to the extreme of how SriLanka or other country deal with it ... but we had this recent case of this bloggers inflicting this racial 'riot' amongst ourselves . So they got jailed . Im not trying to encourage racism here , but im just trying to tell u what i saw that made me think of how this issue came about .

I think MrYeo is picking one me , seriously , his tone and the things he say and his action really somehow just direct and points to my everything . I dun like it seriously , im starting to hate him . But its just a small little temper of mine , its not serious at all . However , i really hope he can change his tone ... its irritating me .

Mike called today . He told me to find some pieces to write for the wedding performance happening this 30th September . Anyway , i feel like im being used all the time . When im needed he will contact me , when im not , im not . I just dun really feel good ...

Its a really stressing day . Stress dun come from outside , it comes from inside most of the time .

Ive new things to add to todays blod after recieving a phone call from somebody . Well , theres nothing i have to say about , but only frivolous thinkings some people has . This blog is a space for comments , its room for all my own opinions . It shouldnt influence on how u think , or make u reconsider on what uve decided on . Unless what u think isnt strong enough , then maybe my words will start to make u doubt about ur own opinions . Who will ever tell u that ur playing is lousy infront of u ? If u will get agitated if someone says that ur performance was lousy , then i think there is seriously something wrong with urselves . Firstly , u asked and seeked for somebody's review , but u expect a positive remark . Whats the point ? The purpose of asking is defeated , then where can u learn how to improve ? Who starts good , and maintains good , or goes even better ? There is sure once that one will fail . For me , im a failure , i must admit . However , that is where i learn ... Honestly , at least i say it out and not say it behind some other people's back , isnt it ? Some of u will surely have to agree with this . I dun backstab or gossip about others like someone do , and its obvious who im talking about . U know , i know ... we all know . The murderer himself should know who he killed .

Shallow , really shallow , like the water at the bank .

Im not trying to create another chaotic period between u and me . U are the one sparking the dry leaves . Things are pretty dry and simple enough . If u want to let it burn , ive no way to stop it from ablazing . I know , u are too powerful . Powerful indeed ...

Even if someone is stupid , i dun have to say it out that he is stupid , isnt it ? Even if someone is weird , i dun have to let other people know , they will find it out themselves . However , who started it ? Do unto others what u want others to do unto u , this phrase is always misunderstood and twisted by many people . I think im repeating and refreshing what ive said in my previous posts , so please go read up if u want . Just keep things to urself ... Right ? But i said it all out in my blog ... im not practicing what im preaching , am i ? No im not . Therefore , i learnt from the best . If u get what i mean ...

Be realistic please . Like what MrGoh said , im not angry , im just speaking loudly . Whats the point of being a musician when u cannot handle comments and remarks . Whats the point !? Im very stressed myself , but i still have to accept it . Quite amazed , i am .

Horrible Fate Versus Bad Choice

I just re-arranged some pieces for ChengSan small group ensemble again . Actually its quite a disgrace i think ... we played some pieces for some guests who wanted us to play at their wedding . I hope they didnt regret it after listening to us play ... But the way Mike said it really made them think its really good ... anyway the Guan doesnt sound nice at all with the ensemble , the sound doesnt blend ... but yet he said that its unique and they cannot find it anywhere else ... true , because nobody will use it ! Actually the people managed to contact us because we met them at Fullerton the other time , at another guy's wedding ... such fate !

I went to school today after practice with ChaiXia . We played at the arcade before that , but im tired of the arcade already ... now i just like to buy buy and buy CDs . I just bought three , im only left with a few cents in my wallet . After which we ate at Fortune Centre , or else we'll end up in Sketches or something ... but , lucky i changed my mind , or else i'll be loaning some money from ChaiXia's empty wallet .

ChaiXia translated the scores over at TCC in NAFA . I think thats the best cafe ever , because it just feels so artistic and comfortable . I think i loved that place and i can rest there foreva till i go in peace . It has alot of free space , and it really made the place feel bigger and wider . I love it , i love it and i love it ! However , things are not cheap there ... i spent $6.90 on one miserable Oreo milkshake , and it tasted kinda bad , maybe just very normal ...

Shaggy

Today was the last day at Esplanade . The performance was over , and yes i did play badly , but i tried all i can , thanks to the guy adjusting the mike all the time . Anyway , i miss MDC already . I must say its a very interesting and good experience . Not only im music wise , but i made new friends . It really touched me somehow . Im not going to exaggerate things here , but its really that exaggerating . I think im in love with ...

I went to watch the Ruan Chamber Ensemble's rehearsal . I was shocked . It was somehow not like what ive expected . There was no kick , and there was no cohesion . A cue is very important , it doesnt just need to look good , it has to be accurate . Whats the point of the cue if its just for show ? Its inevitable that people will screw up , its normal . I also screwed up during the performance outside while they flop inside . I think the performance shouldnt be that bad . Since , it is under the guidiance of LiuDeHai , and the lead of somebody . Professional pieces , and demanding highly skilled performing styles and techniques , but amateur standard . Disappointing ... However , ChengWei , well done . I think ChenWei has a special talent . He can compose and he can play , its a plus for both . I didnt have the chance to listen to ur works , ChenWei , but from what ive heard from others , i think it surely is a refined piece . Its quite sad to hear the first or second movements of a complete suite or piece , during a concert . I think if u want to play something , play the complete set . Its more presentable .

U might call me bais , but the truth is there . Though how much Ding may had overdone certain things in their concert , but i hear music through their body language and movements . However , i hear sounds in the ensemble . Maybe its because it has just established , the standard isnt there yet . Lack of cohesion ...

Im now very tired ... especially after the performance . The sound test was the most horrible thing . We played under the hot burning sun . Think my Pipa caught a flu , hot and cold and humid . Die , sure die . I better take care of it ...

MrYeo says that i need to memorise and learn the songs by heart . I was accepting the 'tirade' he gave me on Friday's performing class . I was very upset ... and embarrassed . Honestly , the songs that i play is very hard to memorise . YanYu admitted that even till now she cannot memorise the pieces ... But thats an excuse for me to say ... So , i think i better start to memorise my pieces .

Im open to comments , both my character and my musicality . I know where i stand and i know it well . So , and comments and welcome . Space is available , theres still room for more . Dun worry , i wont take it all seriously to heart . Im joking ... of course i will . Just tell me whateva i need to know from u , dun hide anymore . Shoot it people .

Andy , funny , i think ur stronghold 'gel' isnt really that good after all . I need ur ultimate one ... if u get what i mean .

Anyway , ive added more comments onto this entry , go refresh .

Off

The performance just now was great . I loved it and i think the audience enjoyed it as much as i did on stage . The music was different from what i usually hear at CSCO . The musicians are better , and therefore , they have room for ornamentation and some imrpovisation , other than sticking so closely to the score . The score is dead , the musician is alive . So , try to put in some life into ur music . However , some extra cadences or grace notes were really horrible . I think ur spoiling the song ... u dun have to add all these kinda endings ... its really boring and its really spoiling the taste and the mood of the song . Minor songs dun end nicely with major chords sometimes , a picardy third is not really always that helpful .

I played the Pipa , and the Pipa was out of tune most of the time . I think its due to the humidity ... no matter how i tune it , it just will go out of tune . Well , i dun care ... Finally , at the very last moment , i managed to tune my Pipa in the perfect pitches , i was so elated . I was so glad that i got to know the MDC people better , and we at least did commune .

I am very tired . I hate to stop the ringing tone of my cousin's phone when it rings at night , like now . Its irritating , because the song is so long . Imagine , a whole three minute normal pop song , as a ringtone . Just a message tone ... then i will have to walk over to his phone and press it till it stops . He doesnt even hear it ...

I forgot to mention about my incident with Eric Watson . Eric Watson is a senior lecturer in NAFA , and he taught us music technology . We had lesson , like normal , but we went down to another room . It was behind the recital studio . It has all the equipments for recording and even managing and editing recordings . Then something happened , and i feel so retarded . I dunno why , i went to switch off the Tritone machine . He told me too see the blinking light above the switch button when he plays the electric keyboard . I heard as if he wants me to press that button . The nearest button was the power switch ... so i wasnt sure whether he wants me to press that . So i asked him whether its that button , and the blink was so close to the switch button , so he said yes . Then , i switched it off . The whole system went down ... Then he said it in a retarded way , "That is the power switch" .

Bad Start

Somehow we have nothing to talk about , do we ? Ur trying hard to avoid my questions , its because , i know what u know , and i think u should know what i know as well . We are common , and that is , only one thing . Dun have to hide anymore , im pretty sure . Almost so curb again , my predictions . Just dunno why , we dun get along well in private , i'll tend to look away , u'll tend to think of something to say , and i know if u dun , i wont . Its hard to connect ... i must say , its a bad start .

Everything is a bad start , isnt it ? Who has a good start ? Those that do but do not cherish what they had , they will lose all they have . Those that had a good start and went on even further , things will be very successful ... i dunno which kind am i ... but im positive that im a bad starter . It doesnt apply to just music alone , it applies to even relationships , or even understandings . By now , i shouldnt be where i am now ... i should be somewhere further . But , its all blamed on another reality problem that everyone has , its a bad start .

However , things cannot just be pushed to the starting alone . Usually its the progress that changes everthing . Who says that a bad starter will end off badly , who says that a good starter will always be progressive ? Nobody did , and im sure i didnt . Things always look towards to how one thinks , how one's mentality lie . Some may lean towards the positive side , and some may lay somewhere closer to the negative side , it all depends on self character .

I felt better today after coming back from YanYu's lessons . It never fails to motivate me more after every lesson . I cannot think of another teacher better than her ... she is really a blessing . Today we talked about changing my exam piece , and now its set . Its not very difficult ... I like songs which expresses more , instead of running about all the time .

I chatted with Mark during our free time in my practice room . He came in and sat down . He was depressed about his performance one Wednesday , i must say that it wasnt a well prepared performance , just like the Chinese Ensemble . Mark was flat and sharp during the performance , his notes didnt kinda hit the right spot at a few specific parts . However , this is experience , we should look at it like a fortune . Its fortunate that these mistakes come now during the music platform , instead of a real concert . Its concert practice , thats what i call it . Dun take it that seriously , but still u must respect that this is to train us . Its good experience , we play it to our fellow friends , it doesnt matter . If we play it like that to outsiders , how embarrassing will it be ? Anyway , we talked about certain topics , on reality mostly . This reflects how the society thinks , with their very shallow minds . Which is harder ? A fast running piece , or a slow expressive piece ? I would say the latter one , but its fact that its the hardest . For musicians , they would say the slow one . For audiences , they would rather listen to the faster one . Thats factual , people tend to admire or prefer to hear fast running songs , hard and challenging in terms of techniques , but they do now know how to feel the affections carried through the slower songs . Slow songs are easy ? No , i dun think so . There is a reason why a song is slow , and that is , it requires practice on another field , and that is its expressive side . Expressing emotions and affections is even harder . Why ? Because it requires understanding and good techniques of the right and left hand to produce beautiful tonal quality . Mark , dun look down on urself , if u do , who will look up on u ?

Tension Release

Im really tired today , dunno why , guess it must have been the lectures and the tiring music platform . Wednesday , no fail that its the most tiring day of the week . Im so beat out that i think i can just lie on bed and sleep till next monday . Too bad , there is a performance on Friday and Saturday , it'll be horrible , i think , and i certainly hope not . MajorTay requested that i get my hair cut , and since i promised , i will do it . Im not like some people , i said i will , it means i will . U dun have to doubt about my words , i will fulfill them , but its just the matter of time . Im very busy ... With what ? I have to idea ... but i just seem to be running about , doing many things , and trying my best to catch up on whateva that i lack . I think im lagging in time .

Today , silence poured over me . I took a cab to school , and i would have spent $7 and i wont be late , if i hadnt went to fetch Audrey and got myself in a terrible jam , and im late and i had to pay $10 . Im very free and open when it comes to money , i dun mind , but i just mind how others behave or think when i spend it on them . If they ask me to treat them and stuff , i swear , i will never do it . When i feel like treating , i will . Im simple , thats it , dun ask for too much , because the more u ask , the less u get , from me .

A few things i hate ... i hate people who backstab others , not necessarily meaning that they have to do it , but actually faking to be somebody's friend is also considered . I hate that , and i hate it when i have to do it , for peace-making reasons ... I hate people who act cute , i cannot stand it , my hair will stand , and my brain will switch to "happy tree friends" mode . I hate people who are insensitive and they think they are right all the time , meaning they have a strong sense of pride . I really have no idea what these kinda people is thinking , they are really weird ... im starting to hate some people in class .

Back to the topic ... why am i blue ? Because im reminded of my past . Today i felt totally ignored and left out . Nobody noticed that , but i feel really isolated . Now i think people are going to start to point finger at what ive not done and what i had done for the team work ... its horror . Singapore's educational system is really poor , its too all-rounded , its not going to be useful to us in anyway in the future ... but , its good , they say . Im really disappointed , but i still consider myself lucky to be in this country ... but ... but ...

I wonder who will laugh at my new hair style ... i bet plenty . Everyone will sure notice the big change . All thanks to MDC ... Anyway , everybody says that my hair looks great , and some even wanted to copy or they even asked me on advice on leaving long hair ... funny ... or they asked me what to tell the barber . Honestly , only one thing , dun cut ur hair . Thats all ... its that simple . Leave it really long like a bush , and really thick . Then after which , go layer it ... thats simple right ? Long time ago , i didnt know how to get the hair i wanted , the style that i always see . But , it just grew , natrually , and what i had was what ive always wanted . I like to cover myself up ... thats the thing , thats why my fringe is always long , and they cover my eyes . Now its so short , i can see almost anything .

Tomorrow is a short day . However , how short doesnt matter , i hope its longer ! Because its our Harmony test . Its our term break test ... im so dead . I thought it was just some class quiz , im wrong . I think i better go sleep now and study really hard tomorrow morning ... i hope !

Good luck Gildon .

Nothing , Its Empty , I Told U , Didnt I ?

Today was considered fun ? Or maybe educational . I went to ZhangNianBing's album release . She gave a talk , it was really interesting . We heard many of her old recordings . Today , Hanson and Calvin came along with me , and i brought ChaiXia along too . Hope they enjoyed themselves , for me , i certainly did . And i did buy her new album ... im listening to it now , i love the "Romance under the Moonlight" . Its superb ...

I shall not talk much about what we did after the event . We went for dinner , thats all ... if u get what i mean .

Well , i really dunno what to talk about now ... because , im somehow at this stage , where my brain just like wander about , thinking about almost nothing , or something ... i dunno . Im quite tired , thats all .

I came home earlier than ChaiXia though i left last . I walked home bare-footed from my bus stop , because my foot hurt . Funny ...

People say ive slimmed down , but i feel fatter . I dunno which , and i dun really care now , because im really tired ...

Come here again some other time ...

Theres nothing here today ...

Told u nothing ...

Disappointment Or Failure ?

Finally the concert is over . I sang my lungs out , and i sang till i almost drool . I dunno why , ive been drooling really badly recently , not only when i sleep , but even when im talking . Cant imagine that ... scary ... a hole in my mouth !? Its been already like so many times , almost every bus ride home , i'll drool , and i will notice it , and i will somehow suck it back , thats the embarrassing part ! Embarrassed ...

Zhang NianBing just called me , she invited me to her CD album release at NAFA this saturday . Cant imagine that she still remembers me , or she even has my number . She called me personally during concert , i think , so i called back . Didnt really recognise her voice at start , but it kinda got familiar , like her voice brings me back to my secondary school days .

Nancy Yuen was so damn good . She is a really talented and rich soprano . I loved the her song , sang with the other tenor guy . His expression is really funny ... Nancy was so professional . I bow down to her ... But the other soprano sang the best song i think ... her song was so sweet , the lyrics , the harmony and the melody , they were all perfect . I loved that song the best , but i loved Nancy's singing the best . Though nobody really likes her in person , but nobody cannot deny that shes the best singer tonight .

Really kinda pity somebody today . Not that i sympathy with him or what ... but he just is really a very lonely man . He sat there , shaking his legs , swinging it actually , under the light , his loneliness casted a shadow that we all saw . His sulking face , and his sad expression hung over at his face , its clear . The way he waved hello to a baby boy really melted many's heart . Honestly , his behaviour might make everybody think that he is indeed a very cheerful and happy man , but deep inside , its otherwise . He is a very bored and lonely man , trying his best to do his job , trying his best to favour and entertain the students . We all love him , and he treats everybody very nice . At first , i was very scared of him , i thought he is another MrTang of ACSBR , but i was wrong . He dun bully others , or pick on anyone , he is a friendly monster . Not so of a monster , but more of a giant . Didnt meant to disappoint him today , and i think we are very sorry . And ... dun be sad or disappoint . I think u might lack confidence ... but fear not , believe in ur students , they all love u .

Vice Versa

Sometimes being nice is not always a good thing for urself . Being bad and evil , being the bad guy sometimes , may do urself and others good . Thats it , ive tolerated enough , no more mister nice guy ... ive been too linient . I should be more demanding ? Or am i too demanding ... ? I dun really dare to say things out myself , or doing things myself , i want somebody to do it for me most of the time ... So , im the mastermind of almost everything i wanna do ...

Retribution , must i repeat it again ? Guess not ... it will come very soon , or it has already happened , its scourge and its venom spreads slowly , even now , maybe . I shall not hiss an evil word about this curse , it will befall unto that miser one day ... very soon , one day . No more mercy will rain on ur head , and no more light will shine from above to guide u , ur retribution is here , and it will never go till u breath ur last . It shall come , one day , like a blink , so sudden , it will just happen , and strike u like a lightning . Retribution , how i fear this dreadful sound , how i shiver at its presence ... But no matter how , i will never outrun its clutches , neither will u . And very soon , i repeat , very soon , it will catch u at ur back . It will scratch ur skin off ur sinful body , and u shall bleed till u die .

Did i just brought u into a state of horror ? I hope not ... because we must always remember that this world is created for the beautiful people around . However , people take advantage and rip its beauty off this very surface we stand on . These people are the one , they are the one destroying our motherland , our mother nature . Nothing can replace her , and nothing will replenish our lost . Just fulfill ur motive here , and that is not to just simply live and survive in this struggling and harsh society , but to leave abit of urself here , so that everyone can remember who u are . Look out the window , there are so many things that remind us of one common thing that we all know , and that is God . Whateva religion ur from , or whether u believe in anything or not , we all know there is one thing that we all believe in common , that is God . God dun exist in human form , or some may believe he do , but i simply believe that God is energy , he is mother nature , the power of all nature and all that creates this world that we dwell in . Nothing else can be compared to mother nature , than the word , God . Because God is mother nature , and mother nature is God . That is a common belief , its the only golden statement that i think we all know .

I just came back from rehearsal at NAFA . Tomorrow there would be a concert on vocal music and orchestra . Im in the choir , and i'll be singing songs by Schubert and another Italian song . I must say that its very nice ... I stayed back to listen to some of the singers , soloist , sing . They are teachers , instructors of our vocal students in NAFA , and they really sing very well , i can say that again . They sang with not only their vocal chord , but with soul . It is all clearly expressed and brought along not only by their pitching , but by their body language . Nancy Yuen was very good , she really expressed her music through not only voice , but body language . Really cant compare this to the vocal students , with their solos in the songs that the chorus will be singing . Throughout the time , i was looking at how Dr.Kan plays the Cello , she was so cool ... so admirable . Funny i must say too ... really funny . I cant wait for tomorrow , it will be so shocking , and so great . The songs that the soloist is going to sing , its so marvellous .

What Happened

Sometimes things just never change , u dun deprove or improve in either ways , its just that people are changing , and it somehow shows that u've achieved a different standard then before . However , for me , things never change .

I feel so satisfied with what ive achieved , beating some other older folks , but sometimes within my own age group , i still feel that im a noob .

Im tired , and im shagged . Im lethargic and im bored . Ive said this so many times that my mouth is rotting ... im not happy about it , and u know it . If u wanna continue doing what i dun like , then its not my fault if consequences come . I just cant wait to be the bad guy again ... Ive chased away one , im sure i can do another one without sweat .

Honestly , i think my braincells are running dry . Thinking activities carried out in the brain is dwindling , and soon my brain will switch off by itself , and then by then , im dead . Very soon i believe ...

I just went to play pool with some of the guys in class . Well , u know i wont , shocked ? I was playing photo-hunt with Samuel and gang ... because i dun play pool ... the reason is simple , and i think u guys know ... I dun like balls ... any round-shaped ballgames , simply ballgames ...

Harmony was tough , i think missing three lectures wasnt really a very good idea afterall . Ive missed out too much , and i dun understand a single thing . Help ... some help please ...

Today was a boring day , with a boring entry to round off everything . To complete todays sypnosis , i just need one word , and it is ... What ?

Rain Rain , Go Away Not

If u see that 2 blog entries fall under the same day , it means that the latter one was blogged after midnight of the previous day , meaning ... it is blogged later , therefore resulting in the grouping of it together with the next blog , which is on the same day . Get it ?

I just recieved news from Anthony , my uncle , think hes giving me his MP3 ... so happy . Anyway ...

Todays weather is really good . I think its very chilling ... but HuiMin couldnt take it , she was sick , and today she felt really cold during practice . MrGoh not teaching us anymore , YouGuo is taking over . I miss him ... Things are different now , the way we practice , i still prefer the old practice with MrGoh .

As i walked down the hill of ChengSan alone , nothing came in my path , just scattered fallen leaves . I look down and see dripples and ripples on the edge of the muddy path . I was holding my unbrella , making each step carefully , as my slippers were really wet . I dun really like rainy days , but its the rain that cools and soothe my spirit . I was tired , i went to eat alone , all alone . I listened to my radio , and listened to songs that i listened before , familiar tunes has it rang in my ears , but i still couldnt figure out what i was thinking about . Many things were bumping inside my brain ... many problems , many thoughts , of which i couldnt solve . Hearing slight splattering sounds from the raindrops hitting on my unbrella , i walked in a motor-rhythm , a slow and comfortable speed , home . What i see along my way home was different , not like its usual self . Things change when it rains , everything , including our moods . Some may find rainy days really lethargic , some may find it very romantic , some find it troublesome , some find it useful ... to me , i find it a blessing .

Happy Teacher's Day

Today ive got quite alot to blog about , but now , the mood is gone . Sometimes ive just have to depend on inspiration to fill up my mind , thus filling up this blog entry .

Now i know how it feels to really ignore somebody , not caring about them at all . It feels normal . Just like i dun care about my father , im sure some other people will also not care about me at all . However , at times some actions or words will inflict some memory into u , thus making u remember certain things . Its normal , it really does feel so . Though how little u might think of somebody , but sometimes someone might be thinking about u , thats all i know . I try , i do , to look out and care for all around me .

I didnt go to MDC today , though i promised WeiFeng , but seriously , i didnt really want to go at first . But that stupid WeiFeng kept asking me ... so i said yes . Today morning i told him i cannot make it , because i really have quite alot of things to do . Anyway MajorTay told u to keep in touch with me , not harrass me ! Im joking ... Thanks for the concern , but i do have alot to do today .

Today i brought Audrey to my school . She wanted to , but she was so fickle-minded , i thought i was the only indecisive one , but she was one too . So in the end , i insisted that she come . I know that deep inside she really wants to come and take a look , not just the structures and stuff , but the boys too . I brought her around ... she felt so out of place , but i didnt really care , i brought her around to the crowded areas , to our secondary block and stuff ... i spent a very long time to settle down to write my Teacher's Day cards . In the end when i finished , some of the teachers were gone , and some were having lessons , or i think it was prelims ... Anyway , i was happy that i gave out all the presents , actually there were only 4 . I bought for Mr.Tang , Mr.Chan , Mdm.NachiPillay and Ms.Ng . These teachers inpacted me the most , or maybe the more memorable ones ... i felt bad when i see the other old teachers of mine , they said hello and we talked , but i didnt buy her any gifts , neither did i wish them a Happy Teacher's Day ... It was quite a sad day . I hate my school , though im proud of it , but i still really hate that dreadful place . I hate ACSians ... i hate them to the core .

YanYu was very happy when i gave her the presents . The first thing she said was why there were so many . I laughed ... Anyway , she gave me a gift too , it is a soft toy pig . I gave her pigs too ! What a coincidence ... She was really happy , and bringing a smile on her face brings one on mine too . I was really happy ... but to think of it , i havent seen her angry or sad or disappointed before , she is always happy and smiling when she sees me , then we'll talk about computers or school ... and we talked about what happened during the week ... its exchanging our experiences and stuff that made lessons interesting . The incense that i bought for her , she immediately took it our and lighted one . I helped her downloaded NoteWorthy Composer ... she said she wanted it for a very long time already , ever since the first few lessons when i mentioned it to her . So i let her play with it first , then after which maybe next time i introduce her to Sibelius . Think she is playing with NoteWorthy now ... enjoy !

Today im feel so fulfilled , as a student . Im forever a student , one who teach others about what i learned as a student .

No Improvement

Im so tired today . I went to MDC , to help out in a performance at Esplanade , this 17th of September ... ? Im not sure ... the problem was , i woke up late , so we missed the bus . WeiFeng had to bring me in , walking one whole stretch of road , across fields , hiking uphill and then under the burning sun , we made our way . It wasnt fun at all ... i was so tired . The practice was fun , it was fast and easy . After that , i went to see MajorTay . His clerk is David , the prefect guy in ACS Barker Road ... MajorTay asked alot of questions . Think somehow , ive booked myself a place in MDC ? Joking ...

After the long day over at MDC , from 8 to 1 . I went to school for tutorial ... there is so much that is not completed . Im not sure whether i should go MDC again tomorrow , WeiFeng asked me to go , but i dun think i can make it ... im not sure . But Amos specially reminded him to call me ... Dr.Kan was happy to reciece the gift that we bought . Then i said that she can have the plastic bag too so she can put books or anything inside , sounded like im making fun of her , but she agreed .

Thought i was having lesson with YanYu , i almost took a cab there because i had so much to take . But when i checked my phone , she messaged me earlier to tell me that the lesson is postponed to tomorrow . Luckily i saw it in time , but i was already at the main road , carrying her Pipa and the gifts and my bag ... i was so shagged . I dragged my feet home ...

Today , my mood is constant . Constantly at the bad mood level ... People can tell that im sad , not bad ... ?

Moody

Teacher's day is coming , and im already prepared . I'll charge ahead and i'll beat every obstacle down if i can . Why i made it sound like some war ... ? Anyway , i spent $80.10 today on the gifts . I spent $7.80 on secondary school teachers , $5.50 on NAFA teachers and the rest is on YanYu !! My god ... i spent so much ... i really still cannot believe it . I bought her several gifts , not just one . I dun buy food , i buy collectables and items that can be kept or used ... I really spent too much today ... well , its once a year , so nevermind about it ...

Mr.Goh is not teaching us anymore at CSCO . Im really sad . Whats the point of going to CSCO ... i go there for the sake to seeing him , talking to him . He starts my day there , usually without him around , i'll just feel down . Thanks to some people and his family problems , he cannot teach us anymore . I hope he can solve his issues quickly and come back to us . All the best to Mr.Goh , and i hope to see u soon at CSCO again . Come back .

Thanks to some people who uses CSCO as a place where they get identity . Getting it isnt problem , but then not giving in any effort is another . I helped , i did what i can do , but yet when i dun do it well , im blamed . Thats because im always there , they've seen me around . For those that arent around at all , they dun get anything , because nobody will see them . Thats the point , thanks to people like that , CSCO's attendance is getting poorer . If CSCO is treated as a home orchestra , then i think that u should really come for practice . If u said that u want to spent time studying , i dun see the reason why u can join so many other activities out of CSCO's activities . Its nonsense ... Im really mad at over this issue , at first i was fine , till when now Mr.Goh is leaving . U guys are too much , seriously , too much . If u think im talking about u , ur right . If u think that i classify u under the same group , ur right . Stop thinking and guessing , im quite straight to the point . I wont beat around the bush anymore ... the rest , please fill it in urself . Incorrigible ...

Im so upraged ... im so angry . These few days better not playing with my mood ...