No One Shall Be Left Out

Well , on the contrary , i think i enjoyed myself today . Well , indeed , a happy birthday . My new year resolution is ... in my heart . Im certain that it'll not succeed ...

My feet are burning with wear and tear now . Samuel and i walked almost a few miles already ... On whole , today i spent my time only with Samuel . Because he asked me out , so nice of him . Well , at least i didnt spend this year's birthday at home , composing some nonsense or something ... Im happy because , i spent $72 buying CDs . I got a free fishcake from Samuel ... and thanks alot .

Im tired of telling what happened . Because its something like yeterday's . We walked around , feeling rather lost , and we were again walking in circles . We travelled from ChinaTown on foot , to CityHall . From then , on foot again to Orchard . It was the only day this year which ive travelled most on foot . Well , its kinda a nice experience . On the way to Orchard , we met Noozli , but he didnt wanna join us .

Well , im not a talker . I dun like to initiate conversations and even start opening my mouth . I prefer to keep quiet and enjoy other's company . But who on earth is the same as i am . Luckily Samuel prefers to talk . So he talks , i listen and answer ... Kinda surprising there are so many things to talk about . And yes , i gave him my slippers because i think he's is spoiled ... ?

I just tore open all the CD covers with joy . Im now arranging my CDs , because we have to welcome in some new family members . Well , like life , some comes , then some has to go sadly . Audrey invited me to her BBQ party just now . Well , i hope it'll be a happy event ... nothing will happen . Stop being so pessimistic , WeiKang .

Im wondering as i see many old couples , and even some lonesome fews . I wondered , what will happen to me a few years down the road . Will i be happy holding somebody's hands ? Or will i be like the lonesome fews , who stands by the road and wait . Im still waiting ... waiting for what ? What , i do not know . But , im sure there is something out there , somewhere , waiting the same . I dunno ... but im certain its not here yet . Not even close ...

So many bad experiences ... and im tired of it . Here , in the name of my own's , i swear that i will not lend anybody else any of my CDs ! Dun even think of taking a single one of it . Its my family , and i wont leave anyone behind . Its either , i come with it , or not at all . We live , we celebrate . We die , together .

Again , wishing u a happy birthday , till next year ... Gildon . Cheers ...

Happy Birthday ?

Are birthdays meant to be happy ? What if u are born into this sad place with so many disgusting people around ? I am . So , does this make my birth a happy one ? Well , if ive known that , i'll rather wish that i was never born . Anyway , life has always been sad on my birthdays . Nothing changed , its still the same .

Today , i had a unique way of celebrating . In fact , its Fairul and Samuel whom i celebrated with . Surprising ? We've gotten ourselves drunk . And i really mean , drunk . We were really walking around in circles . First , we went to Fullerton Hotel . There , we sat for about an hour or so ? We talked and slacked a while ... then we decided to go some bar or pubs which Fairul mentioned . Well , at least he sounded convincing enough . The next thing we know , we were in the rain , looking for a cab . We took the cab somewhere , because Fairul didnt know the exact location . To make long story short , we walked around the place and couldnt find a proper bar . We only found empty pubs ... so we took another cab back to ClarkQuay . There , we also walked the whole stretch thrice . In the end , then we notice that the pub was located at the other end side . So , Samuel and i were rather tired already , and kinda pissed because of the weather . Fairul was so poor thing , got scolded by Samuel so many times .

We walked around and going pass this specific bar for quite a number of times . When finally we've decided to enter , the lady could already recognise us . Well , the lady was pretty and very nice . Friendly and welcoming too . She introduced us to a number of different drinks . And Samuel suggested one . Which was something with the mixture of Coke . Well , that got me high already . Fairul drank like a pro , maybe like mineral water . But the first thing we knew , he was the first to get dizzy . Well , we ordered another mug of something else , with orange juice . Too bad that we didnt check the price first ... The total of everything cost me $99.90 . Well of course i paid ... because they didnt bring enough cash . I couldnt finish mine , so Samuel and Fairul took turns helping me ... I was busy eating the snacks ... and looking around . It was a new pub , rather empty ... but the atmosphere is really kinda quiet . Its suitable for people who come to chat and drink . Maybe next time , we can bring people like SiHan over ... hope he drinks . Well , the lady's name is ... i cant remember , i think i was kinda drunk .

After we got out of that place , we were walking as if we were clambering . We sat around somewhere , on some dirty floor and started to doze off . Fairul really couldnt hold it any longer . For me , i drank with an empty stomach , so i didnt feel really well . Samuel was the most normal there . We then walked to somewhere and laid down , upon each other's back . Then we took a cab home , we shared the taxi fare . First we brought Fairul back home , then Samuel and me . I paid $35.70 for the cab fare . Well , i couldve bought 2 Buddha-Bar CDs with all the money spent today . Sad ? No , i think im kinda happy today ... maybe because im drunk .

The alcohol numbed my senses . And yes indeed , every birthday i'll fall sick . And now , im sick because of the rain ... isnt coincidental ? Its unavoidable ... well , lets just face fate . Inevitable ...

I got back my CDs now already . And i can finally arrange it because i bought new CDs .

This place , is indeed a sad sad world . And filled with plenty of disgusting people . One of such , is someone we all know . And some others were just meant not to be mentioned . For me , i think i feel rather disgusted already ... Well , u guys are right . Come on , im already 17 now . Though im not allowed to do certain things with the law of my age , i think i can certainly do something to change my life . No more sad stuff , now fill this black and white world of mine , with colours . Paint this heart of mine , bleach this city of sorrow , and dye my thoughts with gold . Its time , for a fresh new beginning . Well , now i think i can safely answer my question on my first blog , its a new beginning ...

I must really thank my NAFA friends . And of course to those who wished me a "Happy Birthday" . Well , thanks to u all . Hugs and kisses ... Well , surprisingly , honestly , its all from my NAFA friends . Happy or sad ? I dunno ... and of course one is from my dearest love , Mom . Thanks Mom and friends . I wonder where are my ACS friends ... maybe im forgotten . Well , i should be , and somehow glad that i am too . Thanks , and sorry , because i couldnt reply . When i noticed that i had messages , its only after i left the bar . And its like , 10 messages ... so i couldnt reply all . Well , thanks again . Thanks for making my day . Tomorrow , i think im just gonna hide at home , lock my door . And just wish that sorrow will leave me alone ...

The Player

The lights all went out on me .

Well , today was interesting for sure . We just came back from a dinner at some Indian restaurant . We ate a total of $46.50 . Weird how expensive can some simple plain nuuns be . Anyway , we played a prank on SiHan , who came later because he had practice . First , we had to tell him how to travel here ... then we were pointing directions through the phone . Its kinda hard , and i think u understand . After that , we played a trick on him , that we had no money to pay for the bill . He actually fell for it ... he ordered 2 nuuns somemore . We ate , and while we were busy acting and stuff . I pretended to call people that i dunno ... and ask them whether they could lend us money . In the end , we insisted that he call somebody . In the end of everything , he got scolded by his Mom . After that , i paid $50 . He was shocked , and at that moment , he knew he was busted . He was laughing all the way ... and i think he wouldnt be that dumb , he suspected something all along .

Today started off early . I slept very early yesterday ... i woke up early , about 11 am . Surprising ? And i went to eat at Baba's , with my uncle . He just gave me a very big birthday present . Im very happy . I dun like gifts , like clothings , instead i prefer money , or best , CDs . Now im kinda worried about Wednesday . I dunno really what'll happen . I dun want any celebrations , im not trying to play some mind games . And im serious , that its dreadful .

I gave WeiFeng this topic to work on in his blog , and its 'Love' . It seems that he couldnt come up with anything . Well , then let me show u some wonders to how i blog . First , i come up with stupid ideas ... then secondly , i expand them ... ? Usually i type without thinking it through . I type what i think , and i'll think what i'll type . Whenva i read it again , if it doesnt make any sense , then i'll delete it ... Well , WeiFeng's blog is the first ive seen , in Chinese ! Its damn hard to read ... because im not very good with my Chinese .

Yesterday i found a dead cockroach in my shoe , lucky i saw some weird thing before i wore it . Well , thats yesterday , and so its gone .

Love falls on any of us . In forms of a person ? Or in a form of a feeling ? I dunno which , but when love itself gets u , theres no running away . Sometimes , it might confuse u with crushes . I believe there arent any love at first sight . Its rubbish ... i believe that love needs to be brewed over nights . However so , a relationship will start either naturally or with love at first sight . From then on , spending time together , after learning one another , then love can grow . Its like a seed , which need to be watered with time spent . And it definitely need time to grow . Short marriages occur when people dun get to learn each other well enough . Usually in young couples ... why hasty ? Take ur time , ur still young afterall . But afterall , we only have a life span here ... and its impossible to find the true love just like that . Nothing in this world is made easy for u , so ... hunt for it urself . I said , 'Hunt' , not 'Haunt' . So dun be dumb and haunt somebody . That's selling urself away already ... like somebody .

Life is my obstacle . Everything is made tough ... Well , im not that strong bulky man u know . Im just a little boy ... and how much can a boy do ? A boy is fickly minded , and yet determined at times . But however so , im still a childish boy who yearns to play with his little toys ... Indeed , im a player ... i play , maybe a little too much . Think about it ... theres more to it .

Lights went off on me ? What i meant was actually that ... when the lift door opened , the lights immediately went off . So , i was kinda gloomy suddenly . I think life is very literature-based . Every single thing means a thousand meanings . Like LOTR , which i think is really more than what it seems in the cinema . I love it ... it makes me think , usually about how to potray meanings in pictures , or how to convey them in personified objects . Maybe thats what Art in ACS has brought me into ... A confusing mixture of thoughts . I'll call it Rojak .

A cooker cooks and a joker naturally jokes . But what does a blogger do ? Does it only blog ? If people blog , does that make everyone a blogger ?

Im caught with flu now . And no , i dun think its from u , Fhairil . Ive been feeling sick since today morning . Im always sick wheneva an ocassion is nearing . And it'll be worse on that day itself ... it has been like that since i was born . Its normal isnt it ?

Wisdom Or Knowledge ?

Today's blog is gonna be abit long . Bear with it , arm urself with ur popcorns , because ... we are going for a ride .

In the morning , i had CSCO . YouGuo's style of practicing might scare some people away ... funny . I think , we should just slow down abit and take our time . In fact , i think everyone can figure out their own parts , just that we need a teacher to guide us in combines .

After CSCO , a bunch of us decided to go eat at CityHall . We'll be meeting YouGuo there too . In the bus , Kenny and PeiLing sat with me , while Raymond , ChaiXia and Jonathan began spouting their nonsense . We chatted about many things ... and i often took a glance over , only to notice that Jonathan will pretend he never see me and look away , until i said something to him just as quickly as he turned , then he'll look . Weird people ... Look , please , dun act so pretentious .

When we're eating , i thought of asking a few people whether they wanna come out to eat on my birthday . To my disappointment , i expected what i heard , and i did hear it . Something else happened , and it just turns me off . A leopard will never change its spots ... like a tiger will not change its stripes . But , a snake will lose its skin and grow another , but however it'll grow , it'll grow back to its origin . Reminds me of history ...

After eating , Raymond , ChaiXia and i went to ChinaTown . Before we headed there , Raymond wanted to go to FuNan IT Mall , that area , to meet Hobbes , or should i call David . Well , long time since ive last seen Hobbes . He did an eyelid surgery like I-Dec i suppose ... its kinda obvious . Well , ive no idea why he tagged along with us to ChinaTown . The thing was that , both of them didnt alight , though they said they would . In the end , ChaiXia and i went shopping for CDs ourselves . ChaiXia is so nice , she bought me a CD which cost $16.90 . That was meant to be my birthday gift . Thanks alot ... In fact , its the best birthday present i would expect . I dun want to chocolate cakes , i dun want no hugs and kisses . A CD will just light a smile on my face . I bought 2 in the end , i paid for one myself ...

I was booked for a date , for dinner at LingZhi restaurant . It starts at 7 , and i think i was too early . I inteded to find my own way there , and yes i regretted . I walked the whole stretch of Pagoda Street , and i nudged through the crowd ... Its horrible . I was sweating all over , i called WaiChiong , my eldest cousin , the first grandson of the 'Choo' family , and i asked him for directions twice . I told him i was lost ... in the end , i found it ! China Square ... i went inside and i asked the information receptionist , and she said that its not here . I was so pathetic already ... and now i stil cant find it . So i think i just sat there and waited for them to arrive . I slept and woke up occasionally ... I searced high and low just for that restaurant . I almost gave up ...

Today is GrandParent's Week . We celebrated at LingZhi , vegetarian restaurant . Its located at Far East Square . I think that place is really recreational and really nice . Its environment is beautiful and its surrounding is symphonic . Im the second grandson of the 'Choo' family . And yet im the most doted child , because of my background i guess . Mervin , my uncle , and his son , Dominique , got along really well . To think of those days , my uncle always scold his son , and it'll make him really sad at times . Now , they look like a really happy family together . Well , thats something fortunate for them . And yes , i dun want it for myself ... though im curious how that would really feel . Im alone , single and free . What else more can a little boy ask ?

I believe that the Malay food at the food court , during lunch , caused my stomachache a few minutes ago . And moreover , the meal i had in LingZhi was rather unique . I dun think im quite used to it . The first dish already got me sulking ... some were really good though , but mostly , they were really like raw vegetables , which i couldnt take . I love vegetables , yes , but not love them raw ...

Which do people seek ? Knowledge or wisdom ? I seek wisdom ... because i believe that knowledge is just a psychological result of learning . On the other hand , wisdom is the trait of utilizing knowledge and experience with common sense and insight . Its indeed the quality of being prudent and sensible ... Thus , widom is the more advanced stage of knowledge alone . Which will u choose now ?

Do u friend people because of good connection between u and them ? Or u base it on principles ... like characters and skills ? Well , some people make friends because they could benefit them . Meaning , the friends they make will help them in a sense that it gives them an identity . Its really dumb ... But thats how the world goes isnt it ? Saddening isnt it ... ?

Zealous Vigilance

Maybe im just a jealous little boy , contradicting my own words with my thoughts . Ive no problem with avarice , i can manage that . Its jealousy of maybe ... i dunno . I just feel that im like a pariah . Things must change , and its to how i want it ? Thats kinda selfish ... not my selfless self ... ? Now , the stars have all gone out . Im left with myself and my reflection upon the silver lake ...

Ive written a few poems dating back from a few days ago . Its in my poem blog ... Wheneva im bored , i'll just think of a few lines , and pick out a theme to convey . Well , usually its in riddles to what im talking about . A title speaks the root of the poem , and its meanings should not be neglected .

My Mom is punishing DickShen now , because he broke a mirror . Well , its just a mirror isnt it ? But i dun think anyone can purchase it now in the market . I remembered WeiFeng came my house to stay over once . And he was so bored that i think it cooked his brains . He helped me threw away all the expired stuff in my refrigerator . And when my Mom got home , she got so mad because WeiFeng threw away some 'antiques' as well . Somethings were just meant to be expired , like abalone . But lucky , he didnt throw that away . He threw away my Mom's biscuit box , which were special and valuable now because its not selling in the market anymore . Its meant for her to keep biscuits . Well , the expiry date was meant for the biscuit inside back then . Well , thats for being busybody ... Anyway , thanks WeiFeng . The issue is over anyway ...

My Mom somehow finds trouble herself . Im abit the same i guess ... it runs . I find trouble , not trouble find me . To think of it , ive successed my Mom's characters in me . It runs in the family i guess ... My quick temper , my generosity and my trouble seeking self . Its kinda bad ... but i dun really mind . Im used to it already , maybe thats what keeps my busy .

Im blogging early today , because i dun think there'll be anything else to blog about . I didnt go out , i slept till 5pm today . Jonathan smsed me and asked whether he can go for the camp . Well , of course u can , but its kinda late to tell me now . No more late minute stuffs please ...

Ive just recieved some invitations . Well , to think of it ... my birthday is next week ! And hell no , im not excited about it at all . I dread birthdays ... because it leaves me bad memory . This year , i hope i dun recieve some celebrations from NAFA . Its not that im bad or what ... i just dun really love to celebrate anything of my own . Last year , we had this horrible meal at Suki . Not this year , at least Kuishinbo ... Well , that somebody didnt even wish me a happy birthday last year , and its kinda sad ... I didnt wish him too anyway ... Any special occasion nears , it means something is gonna happen . Well , something bad of course ... If time is right , it'll come . Why must heaven play a trick on me ? Its my day , and i just wish that it rains and cools me down . Let me fall into my slumber and sleep forever ...

I somehow only like to celebrate with some people , because they dun view birthdays as such big events . Well , its once a year though . I'll feel more comfortable ... i dun like surprises . Ive recieved so much surprises throughout my life , and most of it leaves a scar behind . I dun wanna be scarred this time ... leave me alone . I just wanna be a happy little boy .

My Memory

I scored 75 for my Practical Exam . I went to collect my result from school today . It says that my rhythm is consistent , and some notes were clear . So , does it mean that most arent even clear ? I dunno ... i dun suppose so . My solo piece was considered a musical performance , thats good . Ive good memory ... ? I think they were fooled with my performance tricks . I closed my eyes throughout the performance , but i did peep at the score for some specific sections . My tone was consistent due to the ornaments used . Well , this time i guess ive selected the right piece .

Well im so excited today . I rushed home from Plaza Singapura because i wanted to listen to the new CD i just bought , "Buddha-Bar Remix" . Its fascinating how music can kinda evolve into our new age genres . And did i mention the cost of this CD ? Guess i havent ... it cost me $60 for one , but it consists of 2 discs . Anyway , ive bought the first edition , and ive to complete it by buying up to the seventh one . In total , that will cost me $420 ... ? Around there ... Anyway , i think im loving it ...

I lent my 3 CD collections to Audrey , because she wanted to insert some songs into her MP3 . Well , let me just say that those CDs are my life . If any is lost , i'll seriously go mad . I remembered once i discovered that my Madonna , Westlife and Female3 CDs were lost , i literally went retarded . I finally found my Westlife , which i dun even listen to , but its a collection , ive to stuff it inside my CD hamper . I count my CDs now and then ... just for fun . Its interesting when i look at them ... and select just one to listen for the day , usually the latest ones ... and then i'll just look at the lyrics and listen to the songs . I love my CDs ...

When did i adopt this hobby ? Well , good question ... i dun really know . I only know that there was a period when i had a craving for love songs . And thats when i bought alot of CDs which featured plenty of love songs and sentimental hits . Soon , buying CD became my hobby . And i'll never stop ... i guess . This time , my target is to save up money and buy all the Buddha-Bar Remix CDs ...

I was in the bus just now . And i had to suffer my big butt on this pathetic little space on the seat . Because , some inconsiderate Indian old man occupied half of my seat , including his own's . He put his bag on his seat , not on his lap , thus ive to suffer squeezing with him . I was so angry , so i deliberately push in . He didnt even move a bit , like as if he didnt get what i was hinting . So i pushed in even further in an intentional manner . This time , he kinda couldnt take it anymore , and he moved in abit . But still , he left his bag on his seat . I was so mad ... Another one was this old Chinese man . He was bumbing my arm with his belly as the bus jerks throughout the journey , but luckily , he alighted early . There was this middle aged Chinese woman , she was creating a scene in the bus . She lost her spectacles , so she walked around , nudging and squeezing through her way up and down the bus . It was very crowded u see ...

And , i wanna mention about Tommy , Audrey's brother ... He's kinda funny and 'cute' because of his character ... ? Well , great pianist there , but of course , sometimes people have to stop and look out for their own mistakes . Nothing in this world is perfect , we can only make things perfect to how others may expect . Therefore , uve to stop and look out for some little minor mistakes , im not talking about notes or music ... its about the style , the methods and the balancing . So , that'll make a good musician if one can stop and spot his or her own mistakes .

I borrowed "Chicken Little" from Audrey . I suppose its damn funny , so now i'm going to watch it ...

Well , confusing mixture of feelings and emotions is what im feeling these days . Today , it was disappointment . Many are disappointed with their results . Well , there isnt anything to worry or disappoint about actually . Because , its already there , so we can only accept it . Yes , i think i kinda agree , i really hate that bald man . Its making me sick ... Can he think whats good for the musicians instead of whats good for the school ? I know whats good for the school ... Its money ! Its good for everyone , nobody can deny that . Jovan , chill down ...

Love in the past is only memory . Love in the future is only fantasy . Its only here and now that we can truly love ...

Regurgitation

Everybody had the wrong idea about my previous post , about mood for love . Well , let me elaborate more ... its not the thought about finding someone to love , or neither isit that i have a secret lover . Please , read again if u wish , and please search inside that box of feelings that u have , and find the appropriate one to suit what ive mentioned . Its the lovely feeling that im refering to ... u know , like sometimes things just feel romantic ... ive no idea how to explain it , but i'll refer it as the mood for love .

Before i forget , ive forgotten to blog about that day at Marche with SiHan , Jwen and Evan . I bought this stir-fried vegetables , which cost $6.20 if i pick my choices with a small plate . Therefore , using my auntie instincts , i stacked folds and folds of mountains . And its so much that we spent a total of at least 5 min to pick our vegetables . And we took a picture with it ... then the lady at the counter said its so embarrassing and yet we took a picture ... really funny . Anyway , its cheap ... for the amount we took .

Today i stayed at home . Woke up at around 5 pm , and noticed that YongRui went to send Evan off at the airport . I was late already ... anyway i couldnt possibly rush there in time . So , i stayed home and played . Should go to school today actually ... to practice , but its kinda late already , nothing could be done . HuiMin is very hardworking , she practiced in NAFA almost everyday . Very diligent ? I think she is determined , and she can really practice a whole day . For me , i'll kinda get distracted ... yesterday we watched "Sky High" at the computer lab . Audrey brought the pirated DVD back from Malaysia . Its so dangerous and to think of it , she took the train , maybe thats different .

Anyway , the downpour im refering to wasnt about literally the rain . Its about this incident that happened , and this little war we are having . However so , i think its kinda too late , now what we can do is to wait for the rainbow to show again , hopefully not over another heavy rain . This time , it might be snow , not beautiful as how it sounds , might be in the form of a hail ?

Some people changed the skin of their blog . I dun think i wanna change , but im afraid this stupid boring skin might bore everyone who comes . And moreover , i think its kinda old-fashioned . But who cares about fashion ... i dun ...

There are always people around to put u down . To others , u might be one of them urself , but to urself , there are always others . This is life , all about challenges . The fittest shall survive isnt it ? Well , its obvious , judging from how i look already , im not even fit . So , life isnt for me either ... Well , in a challenge , there are sure losers and winners . Well , im created here to play as a loser to the winnder's life . Kinda sad dun u think so ? Im just a nobody , playing a small part in somebody's life . So like ive wondered over and over again ... let me refresh this question again ... Am i the protagonist of my life ?

Mood For Love

After the rain , a rainbow will be born . Well , it just depends where it is ... sometimes its hard to locate one , and sometimes , when ur mood is down , u'll find it often like a comforter , which appears everywhere u go . The rainbow will soon appear after this heavy downpour ... and im sure everyone will exhault in its presence . So , let life be colourful once again .

Love is in the air , and its intoxicating everybody who breathes . I must admit that the hibernating heart of mine is now glowing red . I think im in the mood for love , seriously . However so , im forcing myself not to , as i really dun wanna get into another cursed lovelife . Firstly , i dun wanna hurt others , and most importantly , i dun wanna hurt myself ... Love isnt for me , and u know its true .

This purple heart is now glowing red , and it might both be of dramatic elements like anger and love . I dunno which , but im sure my mood nowadays are very easily affected . In fact , ive been deeply struck by something ive heard ... and its irritating me so . I was in a rush home today because i needed time to think about what im thinking ... and i feel that home is a safe place for me to settle down and organise my thoughts . I hurried to bed and sat there , thinking , but before i did come out with any smart conclusions , i thought i should blog . So here i am ...

I just took a lift with a cute couple , they were wearing pink . And they looked really sweet , though they arent very young at age , probably working adults already . I stared at them through the entire period when i was in the lift . I was reminded of another couple Fhairil and i saw at the bus-stop an hour ago , thanks to the traffic jam due to a severe accident . This couple were kissing passionately in public ! And im not surprised , but i must say that it hit me real hard to see something like that in public . They were so engrossed as if that they were at home , like there isnt anybody watching them . On the contrary , yes , everyone were giggling and watching this couple engage in their 'activity' . I was so embarrassed to see them kiss , and Fhairil just stared and smile ... I think maybe this kinda 'activity' is kinda healthy in some sense has it inflicts this lovely feeling to everyone else . It may disgust some , but i believe it brings a smile to everyone's face . Well , of course it depends ... if its too sexual in nature , i believe they would be sued . Its interesting ...

A cold morning , greeted with a cold zephyr . Same goes for the past few days ... cold freezing mornings , with chilly nights . I could sleep with my air-con off ... and i think thats pretty amazing , because there wasnt any air ventilation , all windows were closed shut and the door too and my fan wasnt on . I dun like to open my windows and door . I prefer to lock myself up in this dark cage ... My curtains filtered most of the sunlight , and it brings my room into total darkness at night . Its my life , its in the darkness where i lay my head and sleep . Maybe thats why im reflected as such a sad person . Well , i think its time to pull down the curtains and tear off the shades . Bring in some fresh air and let in some light , to brighten my room , thus brightening my life . And of course , i wanna buy the special lamp we saw when we were shopping at Heerens . So cool ...

Love is a smoke raised with the fume of sighs . We should be more beloving than beloved . Well , thats what makes the world go round ...

Judgement

I just bought another RobbieWilliam CD . Its an old one , featuring all the old jazz and lounge music ... But one thing that made it all different and unique is that its sung by Robbie . A moving meditation on the untouchable loneliness and biting ambition of stardom , the songs in this album were orchestral and dramatic , not ur typical or regular RobbieWilliam . Therefore its compiled into this special album , after the album "Sing When You're Winning" , this is "Swing When You're Winning" ...

Well , i must say that i kinda like RobbieWilliam's songs , because he can sing it with another style , totally his . It might be his way of pronunciation and his diction for consonances too ... Now , im listening to it in computer lab . Definitely enjoying it ...

Just came back from shopping with Evan , Jwen , SiHan and Noozli . Well , we were all deciding on what SiHan should wear . He has to change his image, and this includes a new proper hair cut , and some new nice clothings . Of course , dun forget the shoes ... Anyway , SiHan , work hard on ur image . For me , im hopeless already ... so forget about me . Anyway , im so happy that its finally over , i mean the conference . Actually its a welter of both , happy but yet somehow unsatisfied . However , i think we extracted enough lies from her that we can come up with a conclusion ourselves . Well , XueMin , if u think that we suspect u of guilty , then i think maybe its partly contributed from ur guilty conscience . However , dun give excuses to anything anymore , and stop beating around the bush . Im tired of it , and definitely sick of it . I think ... if u can answer people with proper answers , dun need ur structered essay answers with riddles in it ... its enough .

Now , im home ... Mom fetched me back , but she was lazy to bring SiHan home . And i think SiHan was angry with me ... maybe he still is . Sorry SiHan ...

Naughtly little Dickshen , my baby cousin , is so pesky ... but he is so cute also . Sometimes its really quite hard to make urself decide on one thing . It might happen to be sweet , and yet it sounds bitter to ur memory . So , life is tough , and filled with so many choices and decisions .

Judgement is here , and it isnt that benevolent as anyone of us . Im not the judge , and if i am , i will strike a death sentence on u . But sorry , to many , im not ... So , take it as a chance to be free , pay ur sins like debts through time . Do some good , by stopping all the nonsense . I believe uve committed some of the mistakes , and even worse , by denying them . However , i also believe that its done by someone else too , meaning its not solely done by u . This is afterall an unfair trial , because there is nothing we can prove , no evidence and no witness to anything much . Strange dun u find it ? Anyway , thats it . We shall end here , lets just leave it to fate . Actually ive some other things planned , and some of u know ... its totally the end yet u know .

I Shall End Ur Misery

Well , i just read something about somebody's private conversation . Look , i dun wanna mention anything here to dirty and downgrade my blog . I just wanna save everything up so that i can ask it in ur dirty face personally . Well , even if ur trying ur best to avoid meeting us , u wont be able to hide from us on term 2 . So blonde , just come out and have a friendly heart to heart talk with us . To clarify things and clear ur suspicion . Its useless shielding urself from suspicion anymore , because ur proving urself guilty everyday with every single word u say and everything that u do . Though how obvious that ur the culprit behind everything , we still think its necessary to give u back ur innocence . If u want to establish that trust within a circle , u first need to be honest with urself . Since u dun , and its so clear that uve been hiding behind that nimbus cloud all along ... So , please dun suspect others and blame them for not trusting u . Its obvious nobody is ... So , dun spoil other's relationships because u cannot save ur own's . Stop saying bad things about other people like YanYa ... its drowning urself deeper into the sand . U know , its impossible to come out from the quicksand unless the wind blows really hard . That may even take a century . Think smart ... better gather all ur evidence and excuses , dating back from my horror smses to the latest stuff uve done . Its not all about now u know , there is still my ordeal which ive not forgotten , if u cannot remember . All odds go against u , thats all ive to say . So , please come out for a talk with us ... if u dare !

Well , im really hot now . Im never mad , seldom actually . If any of my friends remember , im a very cheerful person , but when my temper comes , its impossible to dodge away from it . Well , Jonathan sure do remember . My cousin , Timothy , sure do remember too ... So far , only them , ive showered my little temper upon . And very soon , i believe it'll be someone else .

I dun find myself a funny person , maybe like Sean Scott William . Only sometimes i'll laugh really hard and break into tears when i find myself funny , usually when i say something which i might think its really really funny , yet others may not . Usually on normal days , when i say anything i dun even find funny , it may tickle other's bones . Well , its not my intention to be humourous , its just how i am . I think upon every word u say , and i play with it . Playful maybe ... ?

Well , today's blog is totally dedicated to XueMin alone i guess , because i didnt go out , and ive nothing to think about . Well , its obvious what everyone is doing , and how everyone thinks . But , its even obvious to urself that u know what u did and what uve done , be it by YanYa or u . Anyway , im not putting a death sentence to ur days in NAFA ... come on , we are friends after all . The only reason why i want myself to get so involved in this is because the ones ur hurting are my friends . And partly , because im still not very happy because i havent expose this horror girl who obviously stopped her messages after YanYa and i reported to Oscar . And i believe such coincidence dun happen like that ... only u know that we went to see Oscar ... and why did the smses stop ? No , i shant say more ... U think this is ur essay questions ? No im sorry , it'll be ur unseen poetry . And ive usually got a whole set of strategies for unseen poetry questions ... it'll see whether u know how to apply ur formulaes uve mastered all these years of trouble . Lets see what else u can do ...

Well since nobody has ever mentioned ur name in their blogs , only some obvious nicks which fingers to u . Im the first i guess ...

Head Over Shoulders

Im now with ChaiXia in NAFA's computer lab , watching some movie which she claimed is touching . I dun find it so ... only a little maybe ... Anyway , today had practice at CSCO , and then went to KunRui's place then had lesson with YanYu in the evening .

Im so stressed , ive to do so many things being a committee member of CSCO . I dun like it , and its not like its what i want . However , since im chosen , ive no choice to back out at all , i have to play a part and just do my part as a member . ChaiXia said that im not like my usual self today , because somebody was there . Honestly , no , i dun have any grudge or hatred for anybody anymore . Its just that i dun find it normal to face somebody i know who hates me and has a grudge against me . Well , lets just keep things cool between us , nobody offends anyone .

I feel like as if im resurrected from the dead . Like a holy shining light , shone mercifully over the tomb of a dead . Then , life grew over it , and beautiful occurrences took place ... Im feeling so much better now , compared to the past . Well , im just happy now how things are , and please dun start it again . I feel as if im the one seeking forgiveness and yet i feel that i shouldnt be the one . Its unfair , and im benevolent enough to overlook this small matter . Well , im a happy boy remember ? And i wish i could be happier , but ive not been this happy before , so i darent ask much , for one should not be greedy . I look at the things i have and cherish them , and not look over to what other people have , or else i wouldnt be satisfied with life at all . Im not satisfied , but at least i see a purpose , and it comes and go like the sun . A dawn of hope and dusk of broken dreams ... Its normal to feel that way . Like ive mentioned in this specific entry a long time ago , im thankful for every sunset but i look forward to every sunrise . A sunrise may be a normal romantic event for anyone , but to me , its a fresh new beginning of life . Well , at least thats how i see things my way . Call it weird if u want ... call it dumb if u wish ...

As usual , YanYu gave me this new piece today . And its something which ive requested for before . Its hard and its tough , but yet she said it was easy . To her maybe , but not to me . First she said that the previous piece i played was easy , which i find so now after mastering it . Maybe till i master this new piece , then i'll find it easy ... its always like that . To think upon what ive played for my exam , i think its really quite easy ... wasted . Today's lesson , we practically just went through the score , and talked about a few important points to take note about the piece itself . I played the piece with her , one bar after one bar , after her . She laughed at a few parts because it sounded really silly , and i played it really silly . Now my thumb hurts abit ... Anyway , after playing the piece , she called KunRui and wanted him to fix the Pipa which ive just brought back from KunRui to her before the lesson . Now the Pipa is with me , because she isnt satisfied with the repair ... anyway , i found it very bad too . Its a lousy Pipa and it sounded awful , worst with the inaccurate frets . So , now ive to make another trip down and back again next week .

Well , i think people really need to be reminded . Firstly , they forget what they promised , and next even if they remembered , they dun fulfill it . They dun meet in effect straight away , and they give stupid excuses . Now i know how tough it is , for the job of a sectional leader . Well , im gonna make calls every week to remind them of what they should do and what they should bring . Now im rushed by others for the name list , which my group members cannot confirm , and next is the money . Im busy enough , why must so many things weigh me down some more . First , its MusicTech , thanks to Adams , who only cares about making money and not the welfare of the students . Then now , this . Im not going to entertain anymore problems like relationship problems , which is quite impossible , and even financial problems . Its bothering me enough , and i seriously am getting very annoyed by all these nonsense . Adams , is really just ... disappointing .

Now im blogging while ChaiXia is watching the movie ... still ... and i dun think im interested in the movie at all . Because , its not even touching and its not attracting my attention , unlike other movies . Well , i think her taste is really bad ! Joking ...

Not all guys are ur hardcore and heavyduty type . I belong somewhere in between , but not even close . Sometimes , instead of having somebody laying their head over my lap or shoulder , i just wish that there is someone out there who i can lean on . I just wanna rest my head over his or her shoulders and just cry my heart out . I wish ... i wish ... But u know , reality and dreams are always ten yards away , not very far , but the fact is that its apart ...

Soul Mate

I wonder do people come to my blog to read , or just to tag . I dunno ... Well , for the readers , i hope u find something interesting that motivates u to come read everyday . Wont disappoint u much , because i blog everyday , its like my diary , only that its more open to public and contains nothing too personal . I remembered once i had this diary , and its meant to be personal , with lots of opinions and self experiences written all over the pages . And its meant to be private , but somebody read it . And it shocked the hell out of me that somebody actually read the stuff i wrote inside , well only one person . But , its nice to know that somebody knows whats going on with me , so at least i have somebody to talk to , other than my pen and paper . Now , the diary is used as some jotter book , but i havent erased the content yet . Soon ... if i can find it again .

For all the hustle , i only earned this little pathetic amount of money . Today's performance was surprising . Not really actually , we've got people like BenLim , Adrain and even Stanley , so i think we could expect some music out of this combination . And indeed , it sounded great . I think i contributed the least , because i didnt know the songs they played , i just played chords in the usual chord progressions . Anyway , i didnt bring my nails , so i couldnt produce much sound from my lousy Pipa . I played with my real nails , and its very short , so i had to bear with the pain i felt when in contact with the strings , like static electricity . Well , i must say that it sounded messy , but in its cacophony , there was music , and it sounded alright .

I woke up at 4pm today , and actually i told myself to go back to sleep when i woke up at 2pm . What happened was that i had a very sweet dream , and i was suddenly awoken by this weird noise . I told myself to go back to my dreamland and continue the dream , and it did happen . I managed to complete this stupid dream , and then i realised that im late .

Thanks QiaoFang for the free carrot cake . And sorry to Stanley , because he took bus with me till Bishan and he had to transfer to MRT . Because i told him there is bus 853 which goes to YiShun , but i was wrong , it only serves on Sundays and Public Holidays . So , we took the bus together . Then we talked about accents of the British , Americans and of people from "Lord of the Ring" and "Harry Potter" ... Yes , new year is coming , and very soon i think somehow we'll get to perform together again . Dreadful for u right ? Yes ... Anyway , thanks again !

Some people just like to live in a complicating life , yet claiming it simple to themselves . I think that life cannot be that simple unless ur a simpleton or a vegetable , even so , life isnt that simple . Should u be in a complicating predicament with what u are persueing , then i suggest that its better to tell others the final decisions that u make . If u get what i mean , for some that is ... Well , im tired of understanding and studying other people's behaviours and attitudes , to conclude how they are really like and how should i react with such people . I think i shall just be who i am with everybody and anyone else . Well , some people may wanna hide things , but yet wanna let a certain clique know about his or her problems . I think such people are confidential in some ways , and maybe they are very secretive and private in character , but somehow it might be viewed as unsociable . To me , i think im unsociable ... as u know , many things u still dunno about me and how i think , but some does , but still not completely . The only person who knows everything about me is no other than WeiKang himself . And the only thing which shares my sentiments is the Pipa . Not even the mirror , because some emotions just cant shine through the reflective surface of the mirror , and it doesnt present to me as a complete whole . So , i think my life is to be accompanied only with my best companion , the Pipa .

However so , somehow i feel that the Pipa doesnt even like me . So sad ... My only companion , but yet its not completely mine ... Nothing is completely mine ...

Heart Of Fire

Finally , the results for History and StudySkills are out today . And everybody gathered around DrKan as she busily spoke to everyone , individually about their work and how they did . She was very strict and dramatic today , or as usual ? Today , she chided and rebuked a few suspects for plagiarising . She emphasized heavily on plagiarism and she is very serious about such issues . Well , she wrote essays and articles about certain subjects , and its obvious that plagiarism is a serious offence that writers or artists may take . YongRui got scolded , and i think she dun believe that YongRui did everything himself , without copying anybody's work . Well , i personally think that its hard not to lend ur work to ur friends who are in need . Keep it to ourselves and not help them , especially those like YongRui who did thier work only on the last minute . I stayed up for 3 days without sleep of more than 3 hours , just to complete my Journals and PortFolios . My results are satisfactory , and i think i did well . However well , there is space for better marks . DrKan said that ive to be consistent in my response and should have a hunger for additional sources . Maybe she thinks that how i view music as a whole isnt quite positive , thus she introduced me to some different sources that will show me eye-opening perspectives about music . Ive to develop a keeness for precision and concision , and though the texts may not have direct relevance to my area of study , i shall benefit to travel through the detail to find ideas that can enlarge and compliment the perception of Chinese music history . After all that , she told me my average result for History . Ive 72 for my PortFolio , 68 for Journals and 73 for my exam paper . On average , ive scored a 70 for my History .

Im back on my depressing mode ? No im not ... im just ... bored . Boredom may somehow reflect abit of depression in somebody's eyes , doesnt it ? Well , i think im wasting money , and im throwing money away like mud . I must stop spending so much . Ive spent $21 on taxi fares , $60 on my wants , and not mentioning the needs . So i shall stop this frenzy which comes and go anytime . But , not until i buy Laura Fabian's CD ...

I did not miss my stop today . I bought this $6 worth of sunflower seeds , and we couldnt finish it . I think somehow some people may slowly realise things , slowly as gossips start to come true . Sometimes , though how ur related with somebody , i guess gossips that might not attract u to believe them may somehow affect how u view that somebody . Gossips are evil and they are not weapons . They are like wildfire which burns , leaving only the ashes . From the ashes , nothing can grow , except for darkness . This term darkness isnt what typical normal people think it is , it has something more to it , maybe it should be viewed as a metaphor , or a personification , its just more to what it is . Anyway , i remembered my topic for essay writing in sec 4 was entitled , 'Gossips' . I wrote it in an expository form , and i think i scored ... quite badly . My points were all there , but i got too carried away with my personal opinions that i neglected the format that should be followed . My anger and frustration poured over and burning the the edges of the paper . My pen ink went empty and the underside of the paper were dented due to the force i appplied . My wrath and my heart was burning in flame , ablazed in anger . There was no end , its an endless boundary , an everlasting flame ... Like now , im out of point already . All i wanna say is that , sometimes gossips may destroy a city in one night like Troy , but sometimes it may help if we listened to them , and heed advices on dealing with them ...

To be honest , i copied my Concert Attendance PortFolio from Fhairil , and he copied from Evan . What a multiplication ... but ive a reason why . Ive no time to check on every composer , and in fact , i never listened to western music before , only in NAFA . And im not exposed in anyway to western music . Simple composers , and important ones like J.S. Bach may ring in my head , but composers like Aubert , just dun really ring any bell . Anyway , ive only studied Baroque , thats all i know . I can write , i can list the forms and styles , and even the stylistic differences of the nationalities , but i cannot list u examples , because i simply know none . Thats my line of weakness , if any question comes in a form of a strong wave , im gone , my line will crack and i shall tumble into fragmented rocks .

Ive realised that ive a habit of writing at least 5 paragraphs in my blog , thus resulting in an onslaught of verbosity ... joking ... just 'wordy' . Anyway , its my norm , so bear with it . Enjoy reading , my friends !

Subvert The Current Crisis

Nothing can lift me up from my seat to the wondrous magical lands of myths and legends , other than "Harry Potter" and "Lord of the Rings" . I just watched a midnight movie with Yikki , Felicia , Audrey and Stephanie . I must say that its really good , something which ive expected . Its surprising how such magical ideas unfold in the brain of a woman , J.K. Rowling . Though the accent of the British , i must say that without the accent itself , this story wouldnt sound abit interesting anymore . I think im used it already after watching so many films with British accent . Anyway , i sat there wondering how another realm of wizardry would be brought into my head by Harry again , or should i say Daniel . It has never failed to bring me to a hypnotic state , mesmerised by its wonders and all the posibilities . The scenes , as it follows Harry be it on land or in the air , was just fascinating . It was not just that splendid , but breath-catching as i would have called it .

However , the movie was ruined by this gay beside me . A macho-marry i suppose so . The sling of my bag touched him twice , slightly , and he too , twice , picked it with his little fingers and threw it back on my lap . Isnt that irritating ? I wanted to just slap him and say 'sorry' , but i didnt , i just sighed and rolled my eyes . When we exited the cinema , i then realised that i was walking beside that gay with his fat gay friend , and his friend was wearing red with his broken wrist . I would spell them as 'disgusting' and a total turnoff .

Before the movie and everything , we celebrated Angela's birthday . I would wanna wish Angela again a happy birthday . Though many of them didnt turn up , last minute excuses , i suppose . However , they only informed me today around noon . I turned up , and i dun see why some people can be so lazy to go for a celebration . Im not pointing fingers at anybody , but just that ... i dun really feel very comfortable to hear that people cannot turn up for people's birthday , especially if its last minute and all . How many birthdays can one celebrate within a year ? Only one for urself that is . Its once a year , and its lucky its not a lifetime , or else it wont be worth it if it was today , isnt it Angela ?

I bathed and i didnt comb my hair . Im used to it , my hair naturally just falls into place , sometimes . And it just covers my face like creeping plants do on the walls , a metaphor to how darkness shades over life . I walked along the lonely and dark carpark , which i will have to travel by in order to get to the bus-stop . Then i looked up , and im reminded of my own life . Sad in the past , but now there is a little bit of hope and light . Represented by the nightfall and the only moon , with a few sprinkle of stars like friends , who may die out anytime and yet some may be created overnight . However beautiful things maybe , especially the shine of the moon , be it full or crescent , dark clouds often will shadow over for a period . And thats how im feeling now .

Im not myself today . Im not feeling very happy and neither very comfortable being myself . And its kinda obvious to some as why i am not myself . People are making things difficult , not for me , but their friends . I understand how it feels , and im there just ignoring the winds that were blowing at me . The wind as in another meaning , if u know what i mean . Look , i dun want anything else to destroy whateva there is left , and if friends are there to help , what happened today isnt what i'll call 'help' , but as counteractions , or undermines .

I dunno , the mood isnt right and its extremely quiet . I was very hungry , and thats the main notion behind why im quiet . Its habit ? No , its a wont . My Mom knows that when i dun talk , im hungry . However , not most of the time . If so , i wouldnt look how i am today , maybe worse . Im a quiet person , even when i talk , i dun talk much , unless im too carried away with some interesting topic , or even some juicy gossips . Im a normal guy like Sean William Scott , he himself dun find himself funny , same goes for me . I dun find myself funny , but yet im like a joke most of the time . A walking joke book ? Ive no idea how people see me , but i see myself as a teenage boy in the mirror . Mirrors never lie ...

After watching such movies with so much magical elements inside it , its hard to get back and stand with both feet on reality . It just throws u back , and drop u hard onto the solid ground ... I took a cab home , and it cost me a hole in my wallet . But as i enjoyed my time in the cab , i saw different shadows . The streetlamps cast shadows everynight , and in different forms towards different directions . And all i saw was shape-shifting shadows which appeared to me like darkness . How it consumes the light and how it just shadow over material objects of this world .

Im a happy boy now , and thats how i wanna be for the rest of my life . Not a man , but a boy who lives and dreams of things he wants , but never gets them . Thats me , my life , and i choose my own path . No one else shall interfere with me and my love , music , of my life ...

A Normal Day ?

Im now chatting with YanYu on MSN . I think she is giving up on me ... im joking . She asked how was my exam , and i told her it was alright . Then she said this is a bad experience , and i agree . Things are turning abit sarcastic , and i dun think im having a good feeling about this . I need to work extra hard . She sent me a wink showing a boy smashing his guitar , then she said she'll smash mine . So scary ! Guess what ... unimaginable ... YanYu just sent me the "TwinkleTwinkleLittleStar" the indian version one that Audrey sent me . I was like shocked ... then i sent her the horrible singing of Britney's "Hit Me Baby One More Time" , then she laughed . I wanted to send her the scary clip of the car , then she said she live alone , so i thought i better not ... I think YanYu is the best , understanding , and always there to compromise .

Today is another day which will be embedded in my head . Sorry to Audrey , Yikki and Fhairil , and thank them for accompanying me to Chinatown to shop for CDs . I bought a few today , and im still looking for some more . Well , we ate 'DimSum' at some eating place , then i think Yikki ate something wrong , or too much . He felt really uncomfortable , and he felt like vommitting , so we quickly waved for a cab . Before that , we escorted Audrey to her bus-stop and waited for her bus too . After which , we spent almost an hour waiting for a cab . On the contrary , there were plenty of empty cabs on the road , but none stopped for us . Maybe its because they were changing shifts , and some were going home i suppose . Now im home , and i think the cab driver was angry with us , because there were 3 of us , to 3 different locations . Cab drivers dun like that , because they earn less . But , who cares ? I dun . Its their job ...

Today we watched "Ever After" again at the lounge . It was so touching , that i think even Noozli cried abit . Angela and Noozli were getting so worked up watching the step-mother throwing her weight around with Cinderella . They were literally scolding vulgar and crude terms ... i was like speechless , because i dun think there is anything to get worked up about . Because i watched it a few times already maybe ?

At Chinatown , i saw ThomasOng , this actor from the period of TCS . He also acted with Mediacorp , but only like a few series . Rarely see him on TV anymore . He looks taller ... Anyway , he is also an ACSian . I remembered that during our time in ACS Junior , we had this funfair and he was invited to take pictures with us , of course with a charge of $2 coupon . He looked somehow 'cleaner' last time , now he just look hagged . Anyway , what was he doing there ? He was looking around and walking slowly , wandering and looking around like as if he is lost and he was walking aimlessly . I turned away when he turned around and stared at me , before i told Audrey and gang who he was .

Im so excited , im gonna spend my time tomorrow at home maybe , just to listen to the CDs i just bought . Anyway , today is a good day , however bad on the other hand because of the ordeal just now . So isit neutral ? A normal day ... ? I dunno which .

History Is History , Because Its Over

Just recieved an email from DrKan . Its about History results ... I approached her and asked about my result today afternoon ... she said she was surprised , because i did very well . This is my first time in my life which ive done History well . I never passed , not only that , i failed horribly . I think im starting to like History abit more ...

Ive so much to do , i think after blogging ive to go call some people ... anyway , side track ...

We watched "Phantom of the Opera" and i think the singing was excellent , a renewed version of different singing styles and tone , however i think the traditional operatic singing style should be conserved at some parts . Anyway , i wasnt paying full attention to the movie , thats why i didnt cry like Fhairil . It is very touching , i suppose . I know the story completely now , but i still think the different editions of this specific story really spoils the expectations of the audience . I think the melody is still stuck in my head , but just somehow doesnt sound right when i sing it .

I love vegetables , and i dislike fruits . Maybe its time for a change ? I dunno ... im always seeking for vegetables , but i realised there are so many fruits on the table waiting for my bite . However , i dun like fruits and i prefer vegetables . Its the taste , i cannot imagine myself eating fruits , maybe yes , but it wont go too far . Im still thinking ... and i dun think i can change . I wont let it sound so obvious , but its metaphoric , thats all ...

My exams are over , its really time for me to play all i want . Ive repeated this many times i think ... Now , i'll just wait for the others' to be over , then ... it'll be time to play wild till my heart drops . Anyway , i just watched the TV series on channel 8 , and i think their acting really sucks . First , the girl is trying to act cute while keeping her cool , but she is just looking really dumb and stupid , reminds me of someone in school . Next , is the guy , he cannot speak properly , need to fake some stupid accents like somebody . Its all dumb ! Stupid show ... I think entertainment industry in Singapore really is lagging all the way behind America's exhaust ... Catch up please ...

What's Next ?

Finally my exams are all over . Today was practical , and i think u can expect what kinda results i would get . I was very nervous because YouYee , my ErHu classmate , played the scales and arpeggios so quickly , i wasnt sure whether i could play at that speed . Her solo wasnt that bad , i must say that she really improved alot . For me , my starting was bad and i stopped twice during my scales ... very sad . My solo was alright , i think most of my problems werent there , however , things that were always right went somehow wrong . I did it , i did a perfect nice 'lun' on the second string , such miracle . I was so tensed , but my playing wasnt , that i had my first cramp in my entire life . Only this time then i understood what cramp really is and how it felt ... now it still kinda hurts . I think im getting sickly ...

Thanks to Audrey again , i was so shocked , she completed the PortFolio for me . Thanks Audrey !

Anyway , we were having fun watching some movies . One of such was "The Exorcism of Emily Rose" , its good . If u dunno , its based on a real life issue . Its about this girl , Emily , who died an unnatural death . The doctors couldnt save her and neither did the priest , Father Richard Moore . It was because of the drug which she took to control Epilepsy and Psychosis . This drug caused her brain to function in a unconscious state , therefore not responding to the exorcism ritual performed by the priest . This resulted in a failure which caused her to die later ... The possession is scary . And again realism and spiritual matters always clash upon each , firstly there is science , secondly there is the religious beliefs to counter against it , or vice versa . I think both should explains the other in their own point of view , not opposing . Emily is a happy girl who was loved by God , and Lucifer was there to spoil it all ... poor girl , she had to suffer , but she chose to do so before she died , so she could prove to the world that spiritual beings and demons do exists . This movie was made smart , and in depth , i give both thumbs up . I hope i can still sleep and not wake up at 3 am ... if u know why ...

Im now free since my exams are over , its only time to wait for my friends' to end too . Im thinking what should i do after exams and during my holidays . I think other than going to YouGuo's place for Christmas , i think i should go overseas too . Thanks Raymond also for ur Pipa , and i forgot to mention something yesterday .

I had lesson with YanYu and i brought Raymond's Pipa there so she could hear me play using that Pipa . She played with it and mentioned about bringing back one Pipa for me , she will pick it personally . She said that Raymond's Pipa has a few faults already , and i realised it too . Anyway i changed the strings for u Raymond , and it sounds better .

I still have things to do , and i'll do it tomorrow i think ... ive to make calls and ask people about the camp . Hopefully some people like Jonathan would cooperate and pick up my calls , dumb . Well , a disappointment to many will always remain that way . Why ? Because he or she would only wanna enjoy his or her life the way he or she wants , not thinking how it would affect other people . So , make friends with fair-whethered friends , and dun regret ever , because its ur path . U chose it ...

Once Is Enough

A few familiar tunes from the Chinese Opera brought me into a brand new day . I woke up with the sound of the ErHu with some very traditional Opera instruments ... then the familiar tune from "The Flower Girl" . I remembered this tune and its lyrics because when i was young , i spent my time with my paternal grandma , and she always sing this song to me , till i can even memorise it and sing it with her . Last time , i only knew Cantonese , and let me tell u , its so good that it sounded perfect , with all the right pronunciation and tone and accent ... and that gave me problems in Kindergarten . The teachers complaint that they couldnt communicate with me . Well , after my parents divorced , i spent most of my time with my maternal grandma , she too had to suffer to commune with me in Cantonese , until one fine day when i spoke Mandarin . My Canton roots slowly dwindled in me , and i lost touch with my Cantonese dialect .

I didnt go CSCO , so i stayed home , till around lunch time . I went down to collect the Pipa from Raymond . He lent me his CaoWeiDong Pipa , i think its not bad , because i heard it before , at least a thousand times better than mine . Then we had lunch with WeiFeng , Kenny , ChaiXia and gang ... I was in such a rush , i quickly rushed home to practice . I had not much time ... Last minute work ? Not really ... though true ...

I took a cab to YanYu's place . The cab driver was very very nice , an old man with a smile on his face just lights up mine too . When i reached , she was buying dinner , so i waited outside for a while . I managed to memorise my score finally , and she was pleased , but i think its kinda too late already isnt it ? I think there could be more done ... anyway , i dun care , i played my scales and my piece , and she said not bad . Then we planned what to do after the exams ... and i thought maybe its time to learn something which ive always neglected ...

I havent even touch my PortFolio on Concert Attendance . Thanks to Audrey , who helped me collect 10 concert reviews . Thanks again ! Im lucky to have friends like that , and im glad that some other people care about their friends as much as themselves . Im a really lucky man ...

Dun get the wrong idea ... Life hasnt been good since primary school . Things changed slowly , i was very happy with my Sec 3 class ... and same for Sec 4 . I dunno why , ive never felt that satisfied before . In NAFA , things were even better ... my first time studying with girls , and of course there were bad and good experiences . The bad one is just shocking and of course , irritating , havent met such a pesky pest before .

After my exams , its time for me to play my heart out . Its finally a time to destress and pour out all my anger and release my tension .

Somebody is irritating me ... and honestly , i know who u are , and i just wanna go up to ur face and stuff my whole fist into ur nose and then give u a punch in ur nostrils . After which , i will poke ur eyes and then open up ur jaw and spit into ur mouth ! Next , i will kick u down and step on ur hair and drag u on the floor by pulling one leg and one hand . I'll drag u on the rocky rough road , with lots of hard pebbles or even rocks . After ur drenched in blood , its time for a bath , i will throw u into the ocean and be nice so u'll feed all the hungry fishes ... then i will consider praying for u after that . I sound so evil ... but im not , im just being nice .

Look , its so obvious who is the culprit . She is sluttiest person on earth , and she is living so close to us . I gave u a chance , so u wouldnt need to pay so much money to get kicked out of NAFA . Since u didnt take the chance seriously , its time u have to pay . Oscar was right , i should report to the police to stop and prevent such events from occuring again . Im so naive and i even thought that being a nice person for once will benefit me in the future , well , im wrong . Ive to stop being so naive ... and really spend time to rot myself into the netherworld , and become a necromancer . A misanthrophist will always hate mankind , and thats what i am , and it will not change . Look girl , stop being stupid with all ur acts and attempts and silly games , to attract attention and to irritate others .

My tagboard looks polluted . And its obvious who those people are ... its no other than my dearest classmates ... Thanks alot ... like ... alot ...

Tomorrow is my last day , Practical Exam . After that , its time to relax with a movie with Evan and gang . Im also going to do something daring ... my first time ... after since that time till now . Actually i havent been doing something like that before ... maybe once or twice . This time im quite afraid ... Wish me luck !

Eldritch

Yes , as u know , i didnt blog yesterday . Because i went to stay overnight at SiHan's place again , with YongRui , again . Then his Dad brought us out to eat , i felt so bad , because he treated . Maybe thats the way things should be , its nothing special , but im just not used to it . We were planning to do our PortFolio for Concert Attendance , but we totally forgot about it after playing whole night . They were playing Chinese Chess , i was very tired and they didnt allowed me to sleep , so i was there watching them play . The next thing i knew , it was morning already and i cant remember how i went to sleep last night .

We went to school . I took a free cab from SiHan , all the time . He is really nice ... he didnt call me to pay . Anyway i were to pay , i will rather take a bus ... because im really tight with the flow of cash nowadays . I went to school and watched some really really touching movie , called "The Brothers" , its a Korean show . Its super touching , better than my "Ever After" ... i cant believe it ! Anyway , now i think i might give some space to negotiate to watch Japanese or Korean movies , because they are not bad . I think it really got me , not the charms of the actors or actresses , but the plot of the story . It was really that good , but it was really super good . I almost cried at every scene . For Audrey , as u've expected , she cried again . Like "Ever After" , she pretended and claimed that she didnt cry , but the fact was that she did . However , i think one couldnt stop themselves from crying from this movie ... its my recommendation .

I practiced a while , my finger was bleeding , so i couldnt do much . Then i was playing a piece which i composed during my secondary school days ... its a piece with a Rock Band . I played it before , but i dun think im satisfied with it . I wanna play it again , with a real Rock Band and some real hardcore music .

So many people are creating blogs , this includes Fhairil and SiHan . And SiHan's blog name is just too lame ... but however , easy to remember , hard to type .

Ive so much to do , my work and my Practical Exam is on Monday . Such disadvantage , because i have to do so much , with so little time . How i wish mine was on some other days ...

Samuel and i was watching "The Grudge" in the computer lab with all lights out . It was very spooky . And we tend to scare each other just by this slightest movement or sound . In order to calm ourselves , we played some happy songs on the Keyboard , with some Perfect Cadence which relieves our tension . Then Jovan and Noozli joined in ... and Jovan was so scared , Noozli on the other hand was trying to scare us .

Just came home , from a long bus ride with Samuel and Jovan . I took some bus with them , even when i could take a direct bus . So , i reached home later than usual ... The only thing i wanna do now , is bath .

Though the thought of brotherly love sounds gay , its something that i never had . After watching the movie , it really sparked me to think how is life going to be like if i had a brother . Of course , not the bad bully type ... maybe someone loving like in the movie . Im the only child , and i had nobody to play with when i was young . My globe and books accompanied me through my life . They walked with me as i grew , from an innocent kid to an immatured adult . I memorised all the countries like how i memorise me own name ... and soon enough , it became a bore . I started to learn and memorise about different things , from marine fishes to spiders ... Im out of the extraordinary compared to normal boys . My life isnt how its like , i never spent my time under the sun . I spent my time under the shades as much as i spent my time thinking and exploring my curiosity ... I never played ball games ... not even to billard games . Im unlike any ordinary boy , who played in the mud and kicked asses when they were young . Fight and canned , those werent my type . Im someone who thinks more than what i do , and i dun do what i think . I just think ... im a thinker ...

Mirror

Im so happy today , not really happy , but excited . I just bought something ... and it can help me post more pictures into the computer . Great !

Sadness and happiness , a farrago of 2 , creating nothing but confusion . Im suddenly moody when i think about my MusicTech . Good news guys , great for some to hear , and sad for some to think ... im repeating my MusicTech module because of my attendance ... i managed to pass my MusicTech and i knew i scored well . But pity , Adams has no heart . Im thinking it the wrong way , more for myself i know . However , i still think NAFA is just trying to earn more money , thats all . They dun give a fuck whether it is good or bad in raising up musicians . They are just blind , yet saying they care in some way , but now , for those that cannot see NAFA's blindness , let me here tell u . If it isnt this ... i would have known it later . Somehow , everybody knows that and they agree i guess ...

Well , i think i should get going with my uploading of pictures .

Anyway , my Harmony paper was alright , i hope . I managed to complete everything , applying the most i know of , and checking for errors that i know of . Aural was alright too , not like what i'll expect from what SiHan said . Its quite easy afterall ... Yohanna was being very nice , by playing three times for everything . After looking at our expression after each questions , i think she has no choice but to play three times ... or else she'll get fired . Im joking ... because our results will reflect her teaching . And if we all fail , she failed as a teacher . Thats all ... she was really nice today . At least she managed to even joked ...

I think its really serious time to practice . Time to play and play ... my Pipa . And its time to seriously practice from morn till dusk .

WeiFeng's O level English paper is finally over ... and he said its quite easy .

Im stingy towards stingy person . Im easy with easy-going people . Im quiet with quiet people ... and im talkative with talkative people . Im crazy with crazy people ! Im just how i reflect u , and im just how i am when im with u . Thus , dun take me wrong , for that i treat people how they treat me . Its a habit ... its natural .

A Big Mistake And A Relentless Avenger

Im so depressed right now . After the meeting with RichardAdams today , i suddenly just felt like dying . Though its nothing big and serious , i dunno why , for me , it feels like the end of the world . I shall not really go into detail whats happening , until the final verdict is confirmed . I just sent him a mail to further clarify things , and its a long long one indeed . The rules are dead , but people are living . I dun believe the rules arent there for u to break and bend . I think , some people really need a heart .

I dun think im fully prepared for my History exam tomorrow . I think im not going to sleep again . Im not tired , and the way to force myself up is to eat and eat . No wonder im growing horizontally .

To Jonathan Ngeow , look , if ur so vindictive and selfish , im really speechless . Ur really an onslaught of rotting flesh . I helped u when u needed help and information about anything . I answered ur questions and doubts . Now , i need help from u , and the thing u said is 'no' even when ur excuse was invalid . U didnt even ask why i needed help from u . Straight away u condemned me without giving me a proper reason why . Look , the world dun revolve around u and ur not the only one living in this world . Not everyone is here to satisfy u . If u are to be so gay and to think that whateva is over is repeating , ur wrong ! Look , im here being friendly trying to recover at least some part of what i call 'friendship' , u are there blocking me and simply destroying what im trying to bridge . Its not hurting at all , its really just sad . Sad to know someone like u and to even once befriend such a creature . Regrets , a thousand regrets . If thats the case , im sorry , i really dunno u .

Ive no idea why , these kinda issues always bring me down during exams , first was my Os and now , my mid-term exam . Im really so stressed and its been so long since ive last used this word , 'Fuck' . And really i just wanna say , fuck it and ... fuck u !

Selfish Muggers

Now ive learned who the mysterious virtuoso is , from Fhairil . He is called Vitas ... and i think im falling in love with him ! Im joking ... but he is just powerful somehow . Nice singing there Vitas .

Well , im scared when friends start to peck at each other . I wanna live in peace , but in order for peace , i believe we should prepare to war . Well , thats the way it is , isnt it ? Think ... Im tired , and i just wanna sit back and relax . Lay somewhere in the middle of a meadow and rest my head on someone else ...

The DVD player from the lounge is gone . First , they took out the cables and now , they took away the whole player ... i think its because of us . We used it to watch our DVDs and stuff ... it doesnt belong to us . Though , i think why cant we use and share together ? Dumb ...

I was late for my Music Technology exam . And as usual , EricWatson gave me that face and that look and asked me how much more black marks do i want on myself . Meaning , i already have some . Well , expected ... well , tell u what ... EricWatson cant teach . He just goes through and through ... without even teaching . Hes a bad lecturer , but a really fun guy . He has to learn how to carry his messages properly . Sometimes , it sounds like an insult , by right its just a comment ... well , i dun understand him , i really dun .

Though i was late , i managed to complete everything . Jwen even asked for help , and i typed the answer to show her on the computer . I managed to use Sibelius to transfer to SONA . I think im lucky because i chose the worst computer . It hung ... and so i had to restart . Though ive restarted and stuff , i managed to complete my work , and many didnt . Im quite glad that i did and Eric said i ensured a pass , because after i told him what im gonna do to transfer the files , he knows that i know my stuff well . Im happy about today . Wednesday is the nightmare ... History paper ...

I think its not really useful to study in groups . Some people arent at a pace we are racing at , while some people are too fast . I think studying in a small group where everyone is enthusiastic and spontaneous , it'll be best . We managed to complete the simple backbone of the forms , styles and performing resources of the French and Italians . I think the Germans and English is the toughest , basically they've nothing much of their own . And DrKan didnt teach much ... only went into detail about Bach and touching Handel only on the surface . I think maybe there is a lack of time . Time constraint ...

When i was late , there were angels on my way . And when i was there , i see devils in the room . I knocked on the door and nobody went to tell Eric that i was outside . I think thats really sad , especially my 'friends' . I dunno when i can take that commas out of the word ... im utterly disappointed in these selfish muggers . Really saddening ... thats it , ive just changed my attitude towards them .

Phony

Initiative is what people need , for me to save my saliva . I dun need to repeat things and ask or command people to do this and that , people should know what they should do . Well , there isnt any initiative at all , so im here , wasting my breath to repeat the obvious . I hate that ...

Tomorrow is my Music Technology paper ... and im still here playing . I really need to start picking myself up from this patch of flowers im sitting on . Needless to say , wake myself from this slumber and brush up my socks . Am i really too relaxed in my comfort zone ? Im not sure ... Anyway , i think i need to do some last minute work for tomorrow's paper later . Im not sure how to really use Sibelius , and its the obbligated software that we should all know . Its obbligato .

I just finished watching "Ever After" again at NAFA with YongRui and SiHan , plus ChaiXia . I brought her there to make her cry . Obviously she didnt have a heart of a normal human therefore she didnt cry . Same goes to the two guys ... Im joking . But , i think the mood was destroyed by SiHan and his swinging LightSaber . I cannot believe it , he really went to buy the toy . The last person i thought would buy this kinda nonsense is David or YiChun . I never thought he would . Well , maybe its kinda fun . Seeing him playing with his toy , i suddenly got this feeling to get the LOTR collectables over at SunShine Plaza . Its really cool ...

YouGuo's practice at CSCO is really intense . I somehow miss MrGoh's way of teaching ... but i think YouGuo's teaching might be more effective ... ? Anyway its too fast ... im not in a rush , but it seemed like as if time is slipping away too quickly for us to follow . Slow down and relax abit , YouGuo .

Ive no idea what happened between Raymond and WeiLing . I really have no idea ... i think no matter what , it must be blamed upon the dirty mouths where the gossips were born . A monster born from vituperative railings , or maybe something less harsh . We all live in a circle together , as friends , as family , thus i dun wanna fall into such predicament where inner conflict is involved . WeiLing , hows China ? Well , its kinda long since we last talked .

To the secretive guy who tagged my board . I think i know who u are ... and , for my only reply , i have to say ur right . I was somehow like that before , i took things for granted as if im entitled to recieve such blessings . Till that day , that very day , then i notice that the world doesnt revolve around me alone , it belongs to all . I slipped away the little thing that i once had . Its now gone and i regret as long as i remember it . Its spirit lingers around me , and i cannot find a clutch to hold it close ... Anyway , ive no idea what i can do to make u hate me less . The decision is not in my hands , its in urs . And , i can do nothing , but to live my life from where ive changed ... and to proof myself not from how i was before . Thats all ...

Im just a phony , who professes beliefs and opinions i dun hold . I dun have a mind of my own ... ? Well , i dunno ...