Sentosa

I just came home from Sentosa . And im fucking pissed and tired ... not about the trip , but about some other things ... Anyway , then i saw this guy wearing a similar spectacle that ChaiXia bought . Well ... he has the same one , u know ?

Yesterday , many things happened after i blogged . Read properly , from this point on , im blogging based on the feelings of the different events ...

I recieved XueMin's sms . She was right , she's the last person i wanna hear from , because i cant be bothered with her and YanYa's problem . She wanted to talk to me privately ... and she wanted me to arrange a time . But u know ... i live day by day , without a proper schedule , thus i cannot confirm her a time , so i told her to call me at 10am the following day , which is today . My heart felt so heavy when i saw her message , i wanted to slam the phone on the floor . But since she came with a sincere apology , i happily accepted it . In the end , i dunno how , we ended up talking on the phone at 4am , because i couldnt sleep and she couldnt call me at night . She apologised and she explained to me why it was so hard for her to confront me . Well , as i can also see , she is a person with very strong ego , and saying sorry might be the last thing she would do . She is also vindictive in nature ... thus causing these few problems . She claimed that she was the one who started betraying YanYa , and she is all that a bad friend is and totally what a good friend shouldnt be . And she claimed to me that they both somehow made use of one another . I dunno how true that is ... afterall its all one sided . But thats not the point of the call ... The point why she called is to seek my forgiveness . To me , i think Christmas isnt just a time for giving , its also for forgiving ... and so , i didnt actually blame much on her , because the truth hasnt been revealed , so all i can say is ... i forgive her . She admitted that seeking forgiveness from me is the hardest thing , and with one down , it'll be easier for her to face the other people . Well ... i hope u'll be successful . Like ive said ... nobody can put frozen food into a hot pan . Usually it takes time to defrost ... and our relationship with u hasnt been cut off , it has only been frozen . Im sure things will be fine ... Look , to those who think that im dumb out there . Im not ... actually i can see things myself . Trust me , i know whats her intention of calling . But dun think too far ... its only purely out of sincerity , i suppose ? See u in school soon , XueMin .

Before the call , ChaiXia and i were forcing Jasmine to go Sentosa . Which obviously we had fun there today ... Anyway , we managed to force her to come along ... which ive already expected the outcome . We met early at 11am at HabourFront MRT , kinda coincidental that we were in the same train , but different cabin . Then we went to have our breakfast , and i ate the vegetarian stall which i ate a year ago with Raymond , during my English Prelims ... sounds familiar ? Well ... i shall tell u more later ...

When we were there ... the first thing we went straight to Underwater World . Its the ultimate attraction for me ... dunno why . Its just kinda fun there ... though ive already seen the fishes and recognised them . I remembered 2 very interesting Underwater Worlds , or aquariums . One was at HongKong and the other at Japan . Those were magnificant ... ten times better than the one at Sentosa . Anyway , we went to the touchpool , and Jasmine was like afraid to touch the cute little fishes there , not even the starfish . Kinda dumb ... Anyway , i think the pufferfishes that Raymond and i saw last time was better ... and we didnt have so many of this harmless sharks in the touchpool . There were lots of archerfish , and they didnt spit , so kinda boring ... There was this very naughty Malay boy , he literally played with the starfish's life ... Poor little starfish was helpless ... After that , we headed another section which featured fossils . And also the weird rare creatures like ... the nautilus , which is a cephalopod of the Indian and Pacific oceans , having a spiral shell with pale pearly partitions . They were cool ... And there were lungfishes , and seriously , the do have lungs . Then we saw really big gigantic freshwater fishes too ... The new imports were pretty cool , but they've removed some older popular attractions like the weird cuttlefishes . That time , Raymond and i started waving at the cuttlefishes , and they reacted according to our actions , they changed colours and they somehow shrunk their body too ... Its really cute . Anyway , it wasnt there today , it was replaced by some hermitcrabs . There was an exhibit of different crabs ... Then we went to see the angels , the sea angels . Guess what ... i thought it was the angelfish , which i find it rather disgusting ... but no , it was another species , found in the icy cold waters of Antartica ... ? I cant remember ... and they were really small . It was glowing red and they were like ... flying , because of they way they flap their 'wings' . ChaiXia couldnt take a proper picture of it ... because it was kinda hard to focus . Then we went to see some jellyfishes . Though elegant in appearance , who knows how their sting can pierce human skin . And ... some may even kill with poison . But ... Spongebob and Patrick enjoyed catching jellyfishes down there at Bikini Bottom . So ... i guess their pretty fine then . We saw some really big groupers , leopardsharks ... and the black-tip reef sharks reminded me of my trip to Langkawi once . I fed the sharks at the shore , and im in the water ... imagine the sharks swimming around ur legs , waiting for some slices of raw fish . It was freaky ... but kinda fun . Then i also remembered the bannerfish scaring the hell out of me while i was snorkling ... Saw it again today . Then there was Gracie , the dugong , she was sleeping ... very cute .

We were already so tired ... then i kept psychoing them that the Dolphin Lagoon is a total waste of time . And in the end , we really didnt go though it was free ... The other time i went , a year ago with Raymond , it was a total waste of time ... and we got angry with some Indian tourists . To see some dolphins jump ... please , ive seen that a thousand times already ...

We went to the beach and across to the "most southern point of Asia continent" , which is untrue if u see GoogleEarth . Anyway , then i lost my pencil leads there , because we were struggling with a scissors . They wanted to cut my hair ! Evil right ? Well ... because ... i cut both their hair . Jasmine's was the worst ... i cut so much that she couldnt take it anymore ... then while ChaiXia was looking somewhere else , i secretly cut her's ... and she found out .

We ate buffet at Sakae Sushi . Now then i know ... Sakae , their mascot is actually a frog , so actually Sakae means frog ? We ate alot ... and i came up with some magical spells with their menu . Then thats when i started to turn my heart to GuoMeiMei , my heroine , my guardian and my saviour . Anyway if nobody knows who she is ... she is the Singaporean girl who sang the stupid Chinese versions of Dragostea Din Tei , by the Ozone . Its super dumb ... and it created a hell of a joke there . Then ... after eating , we were like so full . I didnt pay them yet , because i only have big notes , like obvious ? So ... they paid for me first .

Walked barefooted on the beach ... then it rained . Washing off the sand is tough ... and i regretted walking barefooted . We went to catch the show at Musical Fountain ... lucky we were there early ... it was so humid after the rain . We wasted a few trips going here and there to find nothing fun ... We waited for an hour plus there in front of the fountain . That place brought me memories ... of both my Mom and my Dad . Last time , my Dad used to bring me to Sentosa , because we only see each other once a week ... so we played hard every week . Mom used to sit with me at the fountain , and we admired the beauty of the water dance , while we talk like how we did last time . Kinda homely to me ... But now , the Musical Fountain has transformed into something different . The show was nice ... the graphics and songs were tough maybe a little lousy ... but its still a good show afterall . Then i kept harassing Jasmine , because the Merlion wants to eat her up as a sacrifice to our godess , GuoMeiMei . It was damn funny ... then the Merlion's eyes were shooting lazer ... looking around , as if its finding Jasmine . Then i made some tribal sounds like those in 'KingKong' .

For those who were curious about me and my English Prelim ... i was at Sentosa on that day , because i played truant . And nobody mentioned about anything ... and it just didnt feel like the exam period . So i skipped my Prelim paper that day ... and i played with Raymond , whom i asked out just a few hours before going to Sentosa . I wanted to go alone , but since he's willing to come along , so ... must well have a company . Thats all ... nothing much actually .

I noticed that i sang non-stop when i was at Sentosa .

When im back , WeiFeng told me that Benedict , u know the Ruan guy , and Jonathan might play for the musical . Im fine with that ... and i just got kinda disgusted and pissed with myself . Well , i wont say much , but Jonathan is a guy who isnt grateful for anything , thats all i can say . And ... u guys know it urself .

Guess today's kinda ... too much to digest ? Tomorrow , i'll be going to NYP practice , in the morning ! I think i feel so dead already ... I hate people who dun reply messages , i think they are ... just hard to connect with .

Careless Whisper

Just came home from NYP practice , and dinner with Tillabong and WeiLiang alone . Tonight was kinda fun ... ? Tillabong had to go home himself ... poor thing , but who cares ? WeiLiang didnt wanna eat with the rest , and Tillabong was shy about asking Mike something . Well , i think ... i dunno what i think . I dun blame anybody , i just blame myself , because afterall it started from me , right ? I should learn to keep my mouth shut . Then just now , ChaiXia asked me whether im steading with somebody , and its impossible . Im not interested in a relationship right now ... i think they all suck , and i think ... what she said is kinda ... impossible .

The highlight of tonight's blog is ... never trust Mom's taste . I went to cut my hair today , for those who've seen it , i know it sucks . Its not done by the gay hairdresser , its by my Mom's recommendation . She brought me somewhere , and she told me there is a sexy lady there . So i went there , only to find myself vomitting after a minute or so ... because the "sexy lady" is like ... older than Mom ! The place was really rundown , right behind some alley , its not even in a proper shop ... with 2 mirrors and 2 chairs , thats all . At first , i regretted trusting Mom about introducing me to a very good hairdresser . I would call that a barber , not a salon . Anyway , the lady was experienced , she used certain weird techniques ive not seen before , and i think its kinda nice ... But , afterall i dun really like my new hair . Well , i couldnt cry there , or else the lady would feel bad , and she's so nice . Mom was like telling me how good i look , when i can see it for myself in the mirror in front of my face . She was telling me that its good and thats good and here and there ... and so many other things . I was like ... pissed . Then Mom told me that she had her haircut there ... At then , it rang a bell in my head ... no wonder its so horrible .

I think for the last 2 weeks , ive slacked enough . Ive slacked so much that i can already master a concerto by now if i had practiced . Im joking ... but its seriously alot . Because of problems and stuff ... and so many things to do . Commitments are pulling me down ...

ChaiXia came with this retro looking white spectacles . Its weird at first , and i did give her that weird look ... then she blushed and she took it off ... but after a while , she put it back on . Its damn weird ... i think it suits me more .

Im careful with words . Or ... ive grown to be more careful with words . And its true , u think about it urself . Ive not said anything to change or twist any facts , its only that u guys made certain assumptions .

Well ... certainly a boring day . Nothing much happened ... School is starting ... and its kinda dreadful . Anyway , i think the fun im going to have this weekend will cover it up . Going Kenny's house after perfomance with FuKang at Ritz Carlton Hotel . Then after that ... going cycling with CSCO peeps at Pulau Ubin . Hope this time i can go Chek Jawak , at the right time ... so i can see the beautiful scenery ! No more hunting for wild boars ... and no more taking picture with the sea and the rocks only ... This time , it'll be fun . Must go at the low tide ... must remind myself .

Heaven's Grassland

Say Raymond's MSN nick , and it gave me inspiration to complete this melody ive composed a few weeks ago . Then i changed the mood ... and i managed to finish it . Many said that its nice , Jasmine said that its very nice ... well she said that under a somnolent condition , so its kinda questionable . But honestly , i think its damn nice ... If u should wanna listen , ask for it ... its free .

Just came home from the hospital . My Grandma was admitted there because she had the symtoms of stroke . She felt numb this morning and she couldnt move much ... so uncle fetched her to the clinic . She is the worst folk ive ever seen ... I think all old people are cute in a certain way ... like maybe the way they smile , so carefree and so wrinkled . But the least cute of all is ... no other than my Grandma . At the hospital , my Mom was kinda rude to the nurse , she talked loudly and her phone was ringing like a fire alarm . In fact , her ringing tone is indeed the fire alarm . And ... Dickshen was running about , making a whole lot of noise ... She stayed in the lower class ward , so there isnt any air-con . I tell u ... its so hot there , i got so fed up ... i was losing my temper because i couldnt talk sense into Mom's head . Well , then we left early because she knew that im angry . At least there was Tillabong's stupid messages to cheer me up a little ...

To exhaust the flame within , she brought me to Chinatown . Thats where i purchase all my favourite CDs ... Then she told me to go buy a CD . I happily did ... then i bought 4 . It cost me $64.90 in total . I bought this Italian , i suppose , group called Il Divo . And Lara Fabian too ... and lastly , an old album of Craig David's . However , the Lara Fabian album wasnt what i wanted ... i wanted another album . The guy at the counter was kinda like blurred , so i told him i want both . And he'll be asking some CDs for me ... they always import CDs for me , because they dun have those that i want . No more Britney Spears and crap ... i want rare albums ! I told them to bring in Sissel and Vitas . But i think Vitas ... is kinda impossible .

When i was listening to Lara Fabian , my Mom complained that she wanted to listen to some other CDs that ive bought . So i took out the CD ... and it got stuck . Then she said that i spoilt the machine . Then it was absurb ... so i somehow shouted , " What have i done !? " . She toned down a little and said that i pressed it too quickly and the machine couldnt process everything that i want in such a small amount of time . Right ... i was like whateva . This has been going on since i was in Primary school . She always tell me that im spoiling the CDs and her CD players ... because i press too quickly . Im not even allowed to change track ! She said it'll spoil the disc ... then am i suppose to wait until the last track to listen to my favourite song !? Its ridiculous ... totally devoid of common sense .

After all ... im still in a pissed mode . Dickshen is hell of a monster . The only time i can disturb him is when he's sleeping ... so i'll tickle him and disturb him by calling him out for shopping and stuff ... untill he cannot take it anymore .

Next year , i'll be involved in this theatre work . Its called " A KungFu Tale " , and it'll be performed at Esplanade . Its a musical ... and obviously i dun look like some kungfu monks , so i'll just sit in the orchestral pit and play my Pipa . Then they asked me whether i can call any other Pipa people to perform . So ... i thought ... maybe Raymond would be the best choice , because he's very free anyway .

Went pass Wilson's house just now on our way back ... Wilson Luis , my Secondary school friend ... i used to call him old man , because of his white hair . He's filthy rich , and he lives at Orchard area ... he's just rich , and i dunno what else to say . Anyway kinda miss him , because we tend to talk crap and laugh alot ... Remembered once , we were at Plaza Singapura , and we couldnt decide on what to eat . We went from Kopitiam to basement then up again then around the building ... outside , inside ... 7-11 , restaurants ... supermarts ... and hell lot of places ... then we ended up eating at Kopitiam after an hour . That day was hell funny ...

I think i used the word 'hell' too many times already . Maybe its ... i dunno .

From today on , Tillabong would be known as Doby the house elf . And u know , the house elf will never be free from his master , unless his master presents him with clothes . Thus ...

Bad Year Ahead

Just came home from NYP's rehearsal . The performance is next Friday , and i can get some free tickets ... but i dunno who to ask , because i think the performance is nothing great ... just some casual pop concert . But i think its gonna be quite fun ... i hope , because last year was kinda fun too ...

I spent my day composing nonsense ... and i cant really continue with that nonsense , because i think its getting no where ... My brainjuice is somehow getting wasted , after all those intense burning , because of anger , its all destroyed , and they said that braincells will not be replaced . I mean like ... after its gone , its gone . No wonder ... im dumb enough to download some stupid softwares ...

Well , everybody said that i must have surfed porn , thats why i got this kinda virus . The truth is that i didnt surf porn , in fact , i downloaded something . Now , maybe u'll know why im fucking dumb , as Matthew quoted . Because ... there was this page which came up , and it says that my computer has been infected by a virus , and a remote computer by the IP of whateva can access my files . And i was dumb enough to believe it ! Any fool will know that the site is fake ! And im no fool , because i didnt know ! I went to download the software that they recommended to remove the virus . Thanks alot ... I didnt know that the computer would be so kind to recommend me medicine for its illness . So , im dumb ... and thats the end . Now , my computer has removed some of the virus and trojans , but still some remained inside ... kinda sad isnt it ? Just like my Dad's cancer cells ... thats all the doctor can do , now its up to Dad and his will power to fight the cancer cells with the help of Chemotherapy . For my computer , its the same ... hope it can have the will power to fight it as well ... i know it sounds lame .

Tillabong was showing off to me how powerful he is in Maple Story . Well , today , he met KaiYi and his much more powerful character . Now , KaiYi gave him his password and allowed Tillabong to play with it ... so he was as excited as a kid , and he ran home to play Maple . Im sure the first thing he'll do is to play his Maple . Just like somebody , lifeless ... Im joking ... And maybe because of the way i laughed at him just now , he started to poke me and i think he'll hate me for all i know ... again . Actually ... i dun wanna say .

It gets irritating when somebody doesnt complete his or her sentence . And i can understand ...

Somebody cannot be trusted already . Thats it ... not that im angry , but i just feel ... a little sense of doubt about leaking any secrets . Well , the shadow of doubt has fallen over ... and im under its shelter .

Dickshen was making a whole lot of noice at home this afternoon , because he couldnt shit . The way he does it is really cute ... he wears pampers . He will sweat so much that he'll look like as if he just came out of a shower ... and his face will turn red ... Other than that , he's still an imp .

The NYP Pipas are good . I hope i can get one like that ... its time CSCO should change the Pipas , because i think its not as nice as it sounds already ... compared to how Mike would commend about the sound .

School will start next week . Isnt it exciting ? Im sure to some ... yes , to some like me , maybe not yet . I feel that i didnt practice much this holiday , because im too busy entertaining many other things ... Well , i have a life too , and i noticed that many good musicians dun enjoy their life much . Those like me , maybe sure do know how to have fun . But ... im not having much fun this year . Didnt go overseas ... didnt recieve any presents ... didnt go out and get myself drunk ... Its a bad year . And sure enough , like in my first post , i managed to get through this year . So ... what about 2006 . By looking from the number itself , i dun think it'll be such a good year ...

I just noticed that somebody came to my blog by searching for YanYa and XueMin's name in Googles . Well , whoeva u are ... come on , be nice and just tag on my board . Dirty it for all i care ! If u got the guts ... This goes out to everyone , just tag on my blog , whoeva u are ... even some strangers , ur welcome !

Anti Virus Creators

Well , my day was devoted to my computer . We spent like a few hours ... together ... doing some spring cleaning . Well ...

I was bloody mad at my computer ! It is infected by viruses again ... and trojans and all the malwares . Its dumb and stupid ! Curse those who are so idiotic to create these trojans ... i dun believe the innocent computers will create such problems themselves and then ... plant it on themselves ... then ... highjack its system ... then , shuts down . Its damn irritating ... I tell u , ive downloaded like 6 or more antivirus softwares , and to my dismay , ive to register or purchase it online in order to remove those nonsense from my computer . I tried deleting them myself after i managed locate them ... but i cant , because the computer is dumb . I think the internet is the worst resource to help urself , because it always give u alternatives , so many of them that u cannot decide on which to use . I think its making me crazy ... wheneva i think of it , i would flare up . Its because of all these craps that caused me to go crazy last time ... remember ? Check out the ealier posts , and there was even a period that i didnt blog , because my computer was down , thanks to the viruses .

It must the dumb boring Americans that stays at home and create all these viruses . Curse them ! I hope one day , what they've created will ... not hit themselves , but come to live , and eat their lumps of useless flesh up . I hate this ... i hate this !

Samuel and Fairul had a performance today , i hope they played well . Anyway , my lesson with YanYu was cancelled again , because she wasnt feeling well . She called me when i was sleeping , so i think i sounded weird ... Anyway , i think i better get her her money fast .

Now , ive downloaded some trusty softwares , and they're looking after my computer and protecting it from intruding spywares . And they monitor my ... computer for me . So nice of them ... thanks Norton .

Im tired of reminding myself about the viruses . I hate them ...

But like life , i believe this world is created in peace . And everything was made kind in harmony ... But its always the humans who destroys it , for conquest , for their desires and their quest for research and upgrades . Look at the life before , and compare it now , its complicating and its comfortable . I think the more comfortable it gets , the faster this world is going to end . I dunno why , but i just hate it why people have to ruin things . Everybody complain that they have problems ... but i believe all problems root from only one ground , and that is us , humans .

My computer has been washed over and over ... and some of the rusty stains has been removed . But some stubborn stains still remains ... and its irritating . Well , i must thank Matthew for helping me .

Matthew was my classmate back then in Primary and Secondary . Anyway , he is really helpful ... and he likes to talk nonsense as well . He plays the Piano , and i think hes quite good compared to those i see in NAFA . Anyway , he recommended me some softwares , and they worked . But he likes to exaggerate things ... he made me nervous by telling me whats going on with my computer ... and he kept scolding me that im fucking dumb . He was damn funny ... and he made me laugh . To think of it , im really dumb ! Im a computer idiot , i confess , unlike some ...

How many antivirus softwares does it take to remove a few viruses ? Just as much as how many superheroes it takes to bring this world to peace ...

Isit Blogger or isit me ? Its getting hard to blog these days ... its hard to publish to the link because of errors ... I dunno what err , but i had to keep publishing ... Its annoying .

Riddles

A few days ago , Blogger replied my message , and they removed the word verification thingi from my blog . I never liked any word verification thingi , and now its removed , i feel ... good .

I was browsing through the web ... and i saw some pictures which provoked me alittle . Well , i dunno much about competition , but to me , i just wish to play Pipa in peace . I dunno why , but people are just out there picking on me and challenging me . Well , i dunno how good or bad they are , but i dun even wanna be involved in this competition . If u want it , u take it , i dun care ... Im not angry ... im mad .

Anyway , today is public holiday so i didnt go for YanYu's lesson . She wanted to celebrate i guess ... so i went home , before i boarded the MRT . Lucky she smsed me earlier ... or else i would be waiting at her doorsteps already . This week has been really busy , i couldnt complete my work , and i couldnt practice Pipa . I promised YanYu to do the administrative stuff for her as quickly as possible . Well the word is ... 'possible' , and for now , its impossible , so sorry ... and think she has to wait for a while more . I still cannot master some part of the piece im learning now ... and i need to practice harder after this week ...

Read others blogs ... and tagged on their dirty board ... nothing else i did today . I should buy one more Pipa , so i can practice at home ... Well , i found Jonathan a Pipa , and he is happy . Its the 'chicken wing' Pipa , Alastair's old Pipa . He wanted to sell it ... Anyway , Alastair is YouGuo if ur wondering ... i gave him the name about 2 years ago . He is selling it for $600 plus ... and its good and seasoned ... the price is reasonable . I think i should buy it ... but i offered it to Jonathan , since he isnt really willing to buy the $1800 Pipa from YuJia . He said that ive been treating him well , and he dunno how to repay .

Well , i dun need anybody to repay me in any ways , i just hope that everyone can treat me well . Its a fat hope , and its getting fatter ... after ive been treating some people bad and some others good ... i dun think i'll get back what i deserve in ten folds . I just wish im on Santa's list , because i think ive been a good boy .

Dickshen havent been a good boy . Today , he was better ... I think that peace only comes when hes sleeping . So ... i hope sandman can keep a good watch over him , and give him a double dosage of sand .

Now im having some little confusion in my head . I dunno whether its all an act ... or isit ... true cockles from the heart . Well ... the facts are true and undeniable . But ... the words just shouldnt be said in this way ...

I hope some people dun misunderstand me . My intentions are not always the same as my actions . I hope some people will get it ... I just find it funny and maybe interesting ... Ive no interest at all .

Im speaking in riddles again , and of course , these riddles will only be realised by people who share the same feelings . Or should i put it this way ... Its for those who doesnt want to tell me how they think from their hearts .

Im trust worthy , and im a good listener . So ... talk to me , its fine , like what ive told Tillabong . Well , i just hope people will call me everynight to talk me to bed . I need somebody to chat with ... not somebody to talk to . If u understand the difference ...

Jasmine , thanks for the post in ur blog . Well , ur right , i dun have much time to blog , thus needless to say that i wont have the time to read ur blog . Thanks alot for the post ... and thanks for ur understanding and concern . Nice friends i have ... and nice people ive known . I just hope this goes on for a thousand years more ... be it still alive or dead in my tomb .

Dinner was splendid . A cooking marathon took place in my kitchen , just now . Uncle cooked , Mom cooked , Grandma's friend cooked ... and there's quite alot to eat . Curry , my favourite , and brocoli , my favourite too , and even baby squids , my favourite also ! Well , to summarise everything , its all my favourites . Now i think the curry is still cooking ... i shall go on out and smell some curry ...

Hope everyone is doing fine . And i think everyone should blog more often , like me ! And dun blog stupid things ... in super sypnosis form . I prefer reading more and more and more ... something like Tillabong's , but pity , he blogs like once a week . WeiLiang's blog is interesting , because u can see many pictures which can mean already a thousand words . Jasmine's blog is kinda personal ... and humorous as it brings me back to those days in CSCO . Sharon's blog is boring ... but alright ... YongRui's blog is sparse with dots , and somehow interesting to read , but somehow there's this little mystery behind it . SiHan's blog is getting dull ... Samuel's blog is cool , but irritating , because ive to force my fingers to type those lies ... joking ... Jwen's blog is ever changing , and interesting as well ... But i dun like the blog skins , kinda irritating sometimes ... Evan's blog has this letter 'A' stuck there ... looks cute . Funny ... and also another lazy blogger . Audrey's blog is ... the same . These are the few usual ones which i'll visit ... Well , to think of it , why keep a blog for ?

Guess ive blogged too early ... many things happened .

Just had some really good curry ! It was like heaven ... the taste , the look , and its richness ! Its heaven itself ... and i felt it when it was first introduced the familiar smell of curry in my mouth . Think im exaggerating ? No im not ! Its heaven ...

Tillabong better blog soon ... because i wanna know why he hates me . Actually i dun care much ... Maybe i should learn not to care about anything . Just had a talk with Terence , nothing much ... maybe just clarified some things ... Then , Grandma shouted ... the toilet bowl choked , and it couldnt flush . Well , thats not my job ! Im too lazy ... My cousin should have some sense of responsibility . When he saw that , he should have done something about it ... instead of rushing to my toilet , which is located in the kitchen , and pretend that nothing happened . Well , i think its him who last used it anyway . Like me , i talk big , i dun even have a sense of responsibility myself .

Three blind mice ... three blind mice ... Ive no idea what that was for . Im just bored ...

I answered 'fine' to every question everyone asked about my Dad . Dunno why ... but thats the truth , hes fine .

WeiFeng asked whether i know what a crawfish is . Well , i scolded him again ... like always , because its called a crayfish , not a crawfish . I correct him most of the time , because i doubt that he might even spell it correctly , but im proven wrong . A crawfish is indeed an existing creature ... for those who are as dumb as me , its a mini lobster , unlike a crayfish which isnt a lobster , but resembles one . Large edible marine crustacean having a spiny carapace but lacking the large pincers of true lobsters , thats a crawfish . Maybe im just dumb ... and i shouldnt doubt what others are telling me anymore . I should learn to believe ...

Silent Night

Im tired . Flinging my shaggy hair around , while trying to nudge my way through the crowd in Orchard . Orchard Road is a dangerous place for me , i dunno why , i get kinda frightened wheneva im there ... be it alone or with somebody else . Today , is the best time to clean Orchard , u'll know why later ...

YouGuo's party was fun . I got myself a gift from JiaJin , from the presents exchange , while PeiLing got mine . Anyway , its this book ... and ive exactly the same copy at home . Well , maybe its fate that ive to mugging hard .

Met WeiFeng and HuiMin . Then we went to buy all the food that we needed , because YouGuo didnt prepare anything at all . He only did the potatoes ... well , thats all . The cooking process was long ... and i dun really feel like mentioning . XiaoHong came , its the girl who offered me the job at the ITE's graduation , remember ? She is really nice ... Anyway , while cooking , many things happened , its really funny . Kenny came later to do the pasta ... Then we suddenly realised that everything on the table was yellow in colour ! PineApple fried rice by YouGuo was yellow , mash potatoes were yellow , pasta fussili was yellow , sweet corn with ham was yellow and the omelette with cheese was yellow ... Imagine it urself . After PeiLing arrived , we started eating ...

Really enjoyed myself there , till WeiLiang asked me out . Well , i thought maybe going out with them could be fun ... so i went ahead . Only to find myself stuck in Orchard , walking about ... finding somewhere to build a civilisation ... After a while , things got exciting ... People in Orchard were crazy , and its the first time ive been to Orchard during Christmas , because i prefered to avoid the crowd every year . They had this spray thing which looked like snow ... Well , its all about everything because Singapore dun snow , that was what happened . I got myself a can and i started shaking it . Well , im bored and ive nothing much to do ... so all i did was spray Tillabong . The first target was YongJian though ... u know , the DaRuan guy who promised me that he'll come CSCO , well and he broke his promise . Empty promises ... but come on , promises are meant to be broken right ? So ... no big deal . Anyway , my handphone didnt hang because of the multiple messages people send . Ive only recieved a few , not more than 20 ... Dunno whether its sad or ... happy ? All ive to say is that ... Christmas over at Orchard was happening !

I picked up several empty cans from the streets , and to my surprise , some worked . So i continued my assault on Tillabong ... till we were at the MRT . They went Bedok , guess they are going to play abit more ... I felt like a fish out of water , so i guess i better go home too ... I went to the toilet , and the male toilet was crowded too , after i got out , people started targetting me , and again , im wet and covered with snow . Its not snow actually , its just foam ... and it feels sticky after wiping it off ... and the floor was wet and slippery , thanks to the foam . Thats what i meant ... Orchard will be cleaner after tonight . But ... whos going to clear the mess ? Poor cleaners ... hope they had fun too .

Santas and elves ... shadowed over the real meaning of Christmas . Its not all about the fun and parties . Its about the joy of giving and the salvation of Christ . Well , i cant remember much ... because after all ive backslided too far ... To think of it , i prefer it this way , more Santas please . Sorry , no offence ...

I heard several songs on the radio ... and its all related to Christmas carols . But however , they were in another different rendition , some were jazz and some were R&B . I think they are crappy ... other than the smooth and sexy jazz style . I think the silky way Micheal Buble sang those Christmas songs is still the best . I fell asleep on the bus while listening to these carols ... till the driver woke me up . I saw the driver , then the bus was empty , and the bus stopped directly outside my stop , such coincidence ! He was asking me where i was heading ... Anyway , its the $3 bus ride that i took ... the midnight one . Kinda expensive for a bus ride though ... but still , its cheaper than a cab .

Santa is checking his list twice . And maybe i'll be off his list this year . Well , to think of it , ive been a nice boy , and i hope i can give Santa a big kiss and recieve my present . There is no chimney at home , i hope Santa wont climb up through the rubbish chute . I prepared some cookies and milk , hope this year , would bring myself some good luck . The Christmas Season only brings us closer to the opening of another academic year . So soon ... so fast ... and the holidays are wasted . Well , i'll be better next year if im not on Santa's list . Good night to everyone , and i wish everyone a Merry Christmas ! I gave WeiLiang the 4 leaf clover ... and its Irish tradition that it brings love , wealth , health and fame to the person who carries it ... hope that he'll be fine . Didnt have a chance to celebrate properly with ChaiXia this year ... hope she had fun too !

Merry Christmas . Silent nights ... and blues will fall over and ... so ... sleep tight .

Volcanic

Maybe its my mood . My temper is boiling like my blood ... and i shouted at Dickshen just now at the kopitiam . Think when im angry , everybody is kinda scared ... Mom was like kinda careful with her words , though i know she wanted to add a few more lines to her sentence .

Thanks to ChaiXia . She is very caring indeed , she bought me Vitasoy because she knew that i didnt quite ate well . But that day , actually i really ate 2 bowls of noodles ... because i was hungry . Practice at NYP was kinda boring ... but i think its still fun . Angeline was the Pipa soloist , and i think without her in NYP , the Pipa section would really die . She played well , and so did the ErHu soloist . This year , i think the programme is kinda better ... though some of the harmony for the few pieces arranged by YeoPeiXian is still kinda screwed up , the rest are still fine . But i hate some of the songs , like MamboNo.5 and the encore piece ... it sucks to the core ! Brought Tillabong there , hope he enjoyed himself . He was rather worried about it at first , because Mike didnt call him to go ... so i asked for him , since i know that he wanted to come ... what a favour , and he didnt thank me . I feel hurt ...

After practice , we ate at S11 . WeiLiang was feeling ... weird again , and he started drinking . Then , Tillabong was feeling ... weird ? No , he is still weird . Supposingly , they were to come over to my place , but i dunno how everything happened , we ended up in Kenny's place . I dun like to go there , because its warm and its very uncomfortable . But i guess maybe last night was so far the best ... because there was air-con . To think of it , i think what Kenny said kinda made me feel nostalgic . I missed those moments when we were all still together . Well , thanks to some people and those things that ive done as well , now everyone is separated .

We played Mahjong , but we didnt even complete one round , because everyone was tired . Kenny made some poisonous drink , think was 7up with some alcohol . It tasted quite alright at first , then the after taste came ... but its kinda light , so its fine . To think of it , Tillabong is a sleepy head . He sleeps whereva he goes ... u try to notice . Then ... WeiLiang just always say the wrong things at the wrong time . Me ... ? Im just acting normal , sitting there , staring at every particles in the air . Kenny's dog , Junior , is kinda cute ... i think i spoilt him . Well ...

In the morning after we all woke up , Mom came to fetch me home . Dunno why , they just like to force me to eat turkey every Christmas . We ate at Han's . I hate that place , not all the Han's , but just this particular one located at ... dunno where . I ate there since dunno when , and i grew old along with it . Well , things changed , and their attitude just sucked . The 2 ladies at the counter pissed me off ... i almost wanted to shout at them . They were stupid and rude ... thats all i can say . The food is expensive , and the amount is equivalent to a bird's meal . I dunno why , that Han's always bring me into flame .

I watched 'Narnia' with the people from MDC , including people like WeiFeng , JiaJin , Moses and all ... Then louis said that my hair getting a bit stylistic . Well , i dunno ... im going to get it cut , and i cant remember how many times i said that . Well , lucky that my ticket was free , because i think i cant afford to spend anymore money . 'Narnia' was a great movie ... though they should consider getting better looking casts . I enjoyed watching it ... but somehow its not exciting enough , i didnt quite felt the kick . I love the White Witch , i think she is really cool . I loved the way she acted , and maybe its how she looked as well ... very good . The rest are ... just average . The fighting scenes are ... pathetic . Not as good as other movies ... but the story plot is ... good . Well , somehow i think its more of what ive expected , judging from the poor display in the posters . Good movie ... but i must say that 'KingKong' is ten times better , though Louis didnt agree to that .

Dad is doing fine , he is now opened to Jesus . Well , i dunno what to say ... I bought him a lucky charm , a 4 leaf clover . But now when i heard that he is converted to Christianity , i kept the charm for myself ... afterall its not good to give something like that to a Christian . Amanda got into Nanyang Girls School . All i told her was not to join the CO there ... told her to join Choir or something . I dun want her to end up corrupted like some people ... She managed to get into Raffles Girls School at first , but then i think no matter how , both isnt quite a good choice at all ... so , leaving no choice , must well just pick one that is convenient .

Before i watched the movie , Tommy called me . Well , they are leaving for Korea today . Hope they have fun there ... and they wouldnt forget a gift for me , would they ? Tillabong reminds me of Tommy ... and till now , i still dun understand what Tillabong meant ... the last paragraph of his blog entry . Wierd people ...

My emotion now is like a volcano . if u studied Geography before ... then maybe u would know ... if not , then happy guessing .

Disconnected

I just had the best cab ride ever . The taxi driver was so cute , he is lively and youthful in character though he is already 60 . Well , he asked why i was at the hospital , so i answered . Then he talked about many things , about his wife and even his family ... afterall he was trying to cheer me up , and trust me , it did .

Im very tired now , later ive to go down to Nanyang Poly for rehearsal . Last night , had a heart to heart talk with Tillabong . And i think it was kinda nice ... ? Hope he enjoyed talking to me , and of course , hope that he felt better after talking . Well , sometimes ... i just wonder if im really playing the role of a villain in other's life . I think i am ... because Tillabong said that im a bad guy . So ... that started me thinking for a moment .

Got tricked to watch some VJCO performance by WeiLiang . But , i dun blame him ... its just funny . Firstly , the place itself looked very dull ... and the pieces were kinda ... weird ? I didnt quite liked it , neither did Tillabong . But however , since WeiLiang promised his friend , we should just sit and watch the performance . But afterall it was kinda nice , because at least ive some people i know there ... so we chatted . Clayton then asked why my hair has this style ... Well , i seriously dunno . After growing long hair , and getting lazier and lazier to cut it ... it naturally just bends over and somehow wrap him head up ... funny ... And trust me , im not the type who will purposely do something to my hair ... im too lazy , so just let it be .

Guess yesterday was a sad day for WeiLiang . But no matter how , we should look on the brighter side of everything . What i can say is that ... dun try to do anything silly anymore . Save the time , save the effort and do it for someone else , who deserves it more . Afterall , dun give up the whole forest just for this tree ... and there are many fishes in the ocean ... why the shark ?

When i saw Dad in the hospital , he was feeling much better . He had his normal self back ... he could laugh and talk normally already , but he still couldnt eat . At first , i bought dinner , and i brought it up . Then the Phillipino nurse smiled at me ... then she laughed later because i was searching high and low for Dad . I thought he was discharged , because room 11 was totally empty . Then , she told me that he was transfered to another room . Dad and i joked and we laughed ... and we talked about the Indian man who got discharged already . Opposite Dad's bed is an empty bed . It belonged to a teenager earlier ... he had piles , and the doctors all came to operate on him in the ward itself . He was very funny , Dad said . At night , the bed was empty because the teenger was already discharged , he didnt even stay overnight . So , i used the phone to chat with Tillabong after my handphone battery had gone low . Chatted for quite a while ... and he was very tired ... so we hung up .

Christmas Wish

Its been quite a while since i last blogged . And the Christmas Season is coming , and i guess this Christmas , i will witness snow for the first time of my life . Emotions snowing in my heart ... Its time to tame the emotional creature inside ...

These 2 days has been a very emotional period . My tears couldnt fall anymore , and my heart is now numb , blocking my emotions from reaching my brain , thus causing my eyes to go dry , like in those wax museums . Im worthless ... and for some , this might be good news , to others , they might sympathise me . Well , go ahead and laugh and curse me if u want after reading this blog . Im fine ... because i dun think i care about what others say . Whats most important , really comes from my heart , and only my heart . Thanks for those who cared ...

Monday morning , i woke up early , and i travelled to SGH , Singapore General Hospital . I met up with Dad , and we waited outside the consultation room . DrTang is a very funny doctor , he'll joke around with serious stuff and he make things sound like chicken's feet . He'll do whateva he could to lighten the atmosphere . Well , its there when i really understood the condition of my Dad's illness . The cancer cells had infected rather deeply in the lymph nodes ... and that proves that the cancer is already at step 3 . Once Jane heard that , she couldnt hold herself . She was sobbing , but still trying to soothe herself . Amanda waited outside , and Dorothy , my auntie , came with us . The first time in my entire life , i saw the expression on Dad's face . Like a child ... innocent and yes , he was very afraid . He is as stubborn as a mule , he doesnt like to express himself much . Especially , when it matters how he feels personally . He kept quiet , listening to the doctor , not saying a single word . Everything was done by Jane , while i sat there like a log , listening to all i heard . DrTang was very nice , he suggested that the surgery should be done almost immediately . So Dad was warded , and the surgery would be decided by the doctor afterwards .

Before heading to the ward , Dad had to go through certain check-ups , to test whether his body is good condition for surgery . Well , there was the blood test , i saw the fear on his face . This is his first time in the hospital . We'd visited many patients here before , but never was it his turn on the bed . I couldnt stand it , i saw him went through the blood tests , as it reminded me clearly of my own's in school . It was kinda long ago , but it still kinda inflict a sharp pain when i think of it ...

When we arrived at the ward ... It kinda reminded me like a hotel , with very good service of course . The nurses were polite , and the bed was comfortable . I tried hard to bring a smile on Dad's face , and though most of the time , it kinda did ... but i know he is still thinking about the surgery . At least the pain wasnt there at that moment ... Guess my presence somehow made him happier , though he doesnt say it , i can feel it . We tried to connect , all we talked about was school . After a year , we somehow already lost some connection and it felt rather awkward . I dun even know what he likes now ... he doesnt play with his Tetris game anymore anyway , i didnt even know that . Anyway , my eyes were red since morning . I cant stop myself from getting emotional . I cried in the bathroom now and then , while trying to dry my tears and washing my face to look normal . I dun wanna show Dad that im sad or whateva , i just hope that he can be brave and positive . So ... i wont cry infront of him , even if i had to , i'll still smile hard .

The nurse came , and when she came , she brought a sense of mystery along . Its time to clear Dad's bowel ... and we wondered why . Well , i thought maybe its kinda obvious ... because ... its to prepare him for surgery ? That came sudden , and rather shocking . Dad didnt had enough time to prepare for that yet ... Doctor said its either today , as on that day , or tomorrow . And we'd only just settled down ... Jane was busy reading articles and guides on colon cancer . To think of it , she was really very sad and eager to find Dad a cure . But no matter how , i think we've to face the fact , Dad has cancer , and we should just go on and be happy because he'd found a cure ... which is surgery , as a treatment .

Everybody was motivating Dad . People came , and Jane's sister , Jock came to pray for him . Well , she was telling him about Jesus and how a healer he was , and he still is . Dad was touched , and his eyes were watery . I stood there listening ... and i felt the spirit in the air . It brought tears into everybody's eyes . Like a thousand letters in a treasure chest ... God will answer them , while Jesus will carry it ... but only Dad has the key to open up this box . No matter how much , the operation can only help 3/4 , the other quater must be done by Dad alone , and thats where will power comes in .

The nurses came again , and they pushed a bed here . I dunno whats it called ... its the bed where the patient would be lying , while they are pushed to the operating theatre . Dad got very afraid , but he didnt show it . He laid there while i held his hand , and Jane on the other side . We followed the nurses . Trust me , its not like the drama we see on TV . The journey was long , and it felt like no end in time . He opened his eyes , looking up , and looking around . Jane talked to him , whispered to him ... well , we said that no matter how , we'll be waiting for him , we'll wait outside the theatre until he comes out . We told him not to worry , and we promised that we shall wait outside the theatre and we wont leave him alone , we will be there with him all the way . He smiled ... while we watched helplessly , as he got pushed into the operating theatre . Then , after a while , we couldnt see anymore , the door started to close , very slowly . Everyone was worried ... but i was happy , because i know he's under treatment now , so i thought we should be happy for Dad because he was then fighting against cancer . Jane stood outside the theatre , crying while Dorothy accompanied her .

Time flew very slowly , almost like a dead snail , but thankfully , it didnt . I stood outside the theatre for 4 hours . Finally , when he was out ... we all rushed to the same bed that he was lying on before . He was half awake , maybe because of the anesthetic . The look on his face was rather bad , like he was in great pain . We talked to the doctor before , and it was kinda hard for us to swallow what he said . Well , DrTang said that they indeed found cancer cells rooted rather deeply at other areas , but not far from the colon . He'd removed some infected lymph nodes already , but sure enough there were somemore that couldnt be removed . Afraid that the only way to remove them is only through chemotherapy . Jane cried again ... and DrTang was still smiling . I didnt cry , i felt rather numb . I dunno how i felt ... i couldnt cry and i felt nothing . Now we've succeeded in the first step , its time for the next step , and things will definitely get tougher .

Dad laid there unconsciencely , feeling rather drowzy . I stood beside him , and we talked to him . He was feeling very uncomfortable , but he could reply . We were all very happy , and we brought ourselves up to tell him that the surgery was very successful . Guess he was very happy ... but we cant bear to tell him that the cancer cells were not totally removed . He needed rest , so we just sat around and watched over him . Jane was very down , and she was feeling very very depressed . Amanda just looked rather clueless , but sure she knew what was happening . I stood there , drying my tears ...

At night , he could talk normally already . His eyes spoke of emptiness , and i knew that he somehow should have guessed what happened . He stared into the TV , and he was feeling very hungry and thirsty , both he wasnt allowed to consume anything by mouth yet . I got a piece of cotton and i helped to wet his lips , and got a towel to wipe his forehead . He was feeling warm , because the air-con wasnt working really well . And its common that a patient will have fever after surgery . But im thankful that his temperature didnt shoot up . He was just feeling very warm ... so i went to ask for a fan . I stayed up the whole night ... watching his sleep . And hearing him snore could only be the only relieve for me . I didnt get to sleep , i wiped off his sweat and i wet his cracking lips . Wheneva he wakes up , he'll tell me to go to sleep . But im perfectly alright ... and wheneva i do anything for him , he'll say 'thankyou' . And that brings me to tears ... because i think thats what i should do . So i told him never to say 'thankyou' or 'sorry' ... because we are family .

Jane is weak , and she needs rest . But she couldnt sleep , she was reading and making calls ... so i forced her to sleep . I told her to have a good rest , because if she is sick , then nobody will be able to take care of the both of them . Dad needs her around ... and i think she should think of it this way .

In the morning , everybody woke up early . Amanda and i went for breakfast . There was this Indian patient beside Dad's bed . He is very funny ... because he complains alot . The nurses were all very irritated by him . I'll not talk about what he did and what he said ... but there's this other patient , a very old Chinese man , opposite Dad's bed . He had the whole family down everyday . He was very weak , and i hope that he will get well soon . His family is very caring , and they were all very supportive . They were very nice ... they offered my food when i stayed up late in the night to take care of Dad . Very nice people i got to know in the hospital . Anyway , when Dad woke up , the doctor instructed that he may take 500ml of water for a day . So we fed him sips of water ... I think the water must have tasted sweet , because thats the first sip after surgery . DrTang came to visit Dad ... and he mentioned to Dad about chemotherapy . I dunno how Dad felt when he heard that , because he didnt tell him anything . While DrTang brought it to him in a nice way , i guess Dad might have already expected what he might say . I told Dad that his operation was good , and now we have to prevent the cancer from multiplying itself , just in case if any is still inside the body , chemotherapy would be the choice to destroy all the cancer cells . Jane went outside to cry , because she knows that chemotherapy is going to be very tough . Chemotherapy uses this chemical agent , which is injected or swallowed as a pill , that destroys all the cells in the body which multiplies fast . So , the cancer cells would die ... along with good cells which multiplies fast too . Blood cells and white blood cells would all get affected ... The root of the hair , will not be able to tolerate the strong agent , and thus , the patient will definitely go bald during this period of treatment . The immune system will go very weak ... and thus hard to fight against simple flus or colds . This is a crucial period , he has to eat all he can before the treatment . DrTang said that he has to grow as fat as possible by eating anything in the world ... even red meat . Dad has to be strong and fit for the chemotherapy ...

I went back after lunch . I wanted to blog then , but i fell asleep . When i woke up its already 6pm . I remembered that i told Dad that i will be there at 4pm ... so i bathed and took dinner . Mom was telling me all the nonsense that i didnt wanna hear . I think whats past should be just left behind , because now , the only concern is the illness . I just want his cancer to stop , and i just wish him to be healthy , other than that , i dun really want to know anymore . Mom and i argued , because she was being stubborn , and she said all the bad stuff about Dad and Jane . Im grown up already and im no longer a kid ... i believe what i see , and i sure do know that this is true . This time , this isnt a lie ... for the first time . Everybody isnt acting to trick me or brainwash me ... if its a lie and all a fake setup , then ive to clap and congratulate them for that the were able to trick me . Mom was angry and she was really mad ... Grandma stood by my side and we kept argueing untill she wanted to blow . I stomped my foot into the kitchen , and i started to cry there , while Mom was still barking in the living room . She knew that she might have oversaid certain things , but its the truth . Though how fucking true it is , its over ... and i dun wanna pursue it any further . I took my sweater and i slammed the door shut ... i walked out of the house , heading towards SGH .

Mom called me after a while , crying on the phone , telling me how she felt . Well , i knew that she felt somehow bad and jealous for that i cared so much for Dad . She always think that i care more for Dad ... no matter how much i tell her that i love her most . Well , its obvious , because i dun see Dad that often , thus its only normal that i'll care for him more . But my heart stays with Mom . I dunno how she thinks ... and i screamed at her before , while i was at home , i wanted to stop her from talking , so i said that i'll die like Dad one day , before i headed to the kitchen and broke down .

Dad was having some company , family and friends . His company , Singtel , sent him a boutique . I was there and he was happy to see me . I smiled ... trying to clear my mind from that little war i had at home before coming . Guess his friends and collegues really cheered him up . Pastors came to pray for him too ... Dorothy's church pastor and Jock's . Many people came ... suddenly it looked kinda crowded . But none stayed for long ... soon , i took over . He could sit now , he had physiotherapy earlier in the afternoon . They taught him how to move ... At night , his wound started to ooze a little bit of blood , the sight brought me pain . I quickly pressed the button for the nurse , and i went outside to look for an available nurse . Well , a Chinese nurse came with some cotton to help clean the wound , and the other , a Phillipino nurse came with cotton and some other cream . Guess the standard of the Phillipino nurse is far better ... so she helped Dad clean his wound . I saw the wound ... its like some ugly stitches , and i didnt like what i saw . The Phillipino nurse was really very nice ... i like her alot . Though she got super irritated at times because of the funny Indian man ... she is very considerate and she is very polite to others . Anyway , she talks super loud to that Indian man ... and maybe its because the Indian man talks like a huge speaker . At night , im afraid he might disturb Dad's sleep ...

I stayed till 3 am , then i called Mom to fetch me . I think im going home to rest and prepare myself tomorrow . I need time to practice , i cancelled lesson last Sunday to visit Dad . I told Mike that i found one guy who might be willing to sponsor ... he's Adrian . Jock's friend ... and he is weird . He asked about me , and we talked ... then we suddenly came across this topic on whether i perform for private functions . So i thought about CSCO ... and i gave him Mike's number , and i told him about the sponsorship , and he asked me what figure are we talking about . I guessed maybe thousands ?

Now , my eyes are still red . Im very tired ... feeling fatigue . I need rest , and i need to go out to calm myself ... and maybe cheer myself up by ... dunno ... whateva means . Thanks to all those that prayed , and thanks to those who cared ... Dad's fine . My only Christmas wish is for him to celebrate Christmas with me . Amen ...

Tragedy

My mood is swinging , and my mind is preoccupied . Today's mood isnt that stable ... maybe because im confused between happiness and sadness . I just came home from Dad's place , but first , let me blog all the happy stuff .

After CSCO , i ate with JiaJin , YiLeng , Tillabong and WeiLiang . Guess yesterday's entry is somehow kinda ... weird . Because i think something went wrong , and WeiLiang is feeling down . Well , no matter what it is , i believe only one thing can solve it . And the thing is ... love . When a couple quarrels , they patch up after because its love that brings them back to where they belong . If love is present , i believe everything will be fine . Well , im not gonna talk about the 'unless' section ...

Ritz Carlton Hotel contacted me , and i think i'll take up the job , i'll be calling FuKang along to play the ErHu . Its kinda good money , thanks to Trissy , who im with contact with there . Think i'll be performing with Stanley again , the YangQin one , at Conrad Hotel . Its good money too ... and i think i'll be saving lots of money , because im sure in the future , it'll be of good use .

We watched the movie , based on the story of KingKong , 'KingKong' . Well , its obvious isnt it ... Anyway , i think the movie was excellent . Not only it has both elements of both action and romance , i think it has very nice graphics as well . The story doesnt change much , but the director sure added many other ingredients which spiced up everything . I cried and i think the rest of them did too ...

After the movie , Tillabong went home , while i walked WeiLiang home . He is seriously depressed , and i dun wish to worsen things by asking him questions ... so he went home , while i waited for Douglas , my uncle , to pick me up . He wants to bring me to my father's place ... and since he is willing , must as well take the ride there .

Whateva it is , i think i might put up this password thing in my blog . Because i dun wish anybody else to see it ... People like ... well i dunno , they come here and scruntinize . I think its kinda unhealthy to come here to pick at people's private life and feeling . Well , anyway my blog is dedicated to some people , i surely dun welcome anyone else anymore . My mood nowadays is kinda down , so if Dino has to call me to ask me anything , he has to make sure that the tone is right . Or else , i might just hang it up and make sure ... that ... i dunno . Anyway , Dino has a very wide circle of friends . He has friends who are in the police force , kinda helpful in a way . And Dino knows so much about the law i guess , because he mentions them all the time . I wonder how much he knows ? Not being sarcastic here ... but i think many people tend to get frightened by anything that has to do with the law . Well , sure i think many aren't even scared because they know they are innocent . But like the Chinese proverbs , which says , a robber will first report to the authority to blame the innocent . Im not implying anything here , but this goes out to the general public . I cant force myself to lie about how i feel , so i say all i want and i say what i think i should say . So , forgive me if any should sound hurting , because maybe its how i felt at that specific momeny . Like i said , im still a small boy , who hasnt matured enough to fit my age . And i sure dunno anything about responsibility ... In order to ask myself to be honest , i hope other parties will be honest themselves . I think Terence called me today , and sorry i was watching a movie , so i couldnt answer the phone . Anyway , dun ever call me with a private number line , because i wont pick it up at all , from now on ... Call me with another line which has numbers , so at least i know whose call am i recieving and whom i can refer to if i wanna call back . So i said it all here , Dino , dun call me to change anymore verbs or adjectives , unless u know what is better to replace them , like the word 'troubling' yesterday , it took u quite a while to think , didnt it ? I think somehow , u might sound contradicting at times . Honestly , thats how i feel , and no way am i gonna deny that , and dun ask me why .

I just got home from my Dad's place remember ? And he is seriously ill . Tomorrow i'll be bringing him to the hospital for check-up . Theres nothing i can do , because afterall im still his son , and yes i know what i should do . I held my Grandma's hands , as she slowly and carefully took her steps , and the closer i got , i heard my step-mother's , Jane , voice . I smiled at her when we met , and i called her by her name . Dad was in his room , resting ... because he has some gastric pain . He was lying there motionless , and HuiEr or Amanda , my step-sister , is massaging his back . Amanda is a very hardworking girl , well she better do them proud because ive been a bad brother and a bad son . Jane told me about Dad's conditions , and its confirmed somehow that its cancer . Not sure which stage yet ... But he seemed to be in great pain . Dad doesnt know how to talk well ... and he doesnt like to express his thoughts in words . I know he loves me , and her knows that i love him too . The incident is over , and i dun wish to even bring it up again at all . I think sometimes , problems that are unsolved should be left unsolved , because its just history , and im sure bringing it up will make things worse . Anyway , i sat there holding his hands , as i just let loose of my tears . I believe that the human touch is more powerful than words . I didnt spoke much , all i did was help his hands , while i listened to Jane talk . I asked how he felt , and he replied that he felt better ... im sure he did . I requested for a quiet moment with Dad , and all of them left the room . I massaged his back , im sure it cannot be compared to how Amanda does it , so i asked how he felt ... and he said that it felt so much better . What a liar ... because i know i cant massage his back well ... i was just rubbing aimlessly ... But that brought me to laughters ... No matter how , i still cannot forgive the fact how he disappointed us . But all i can do is to do what a son should do ... I know i sounded different compared to my previous entry , but this is the latest ... so dun go around comparing my blog entries . Its not like ive to go back and change the content , because thats how i felt originally at that moment . Everybody was really sad ... but everyone was trying to hold back , like i did .

On our journey back , to my place ... WaiKeat , my uncle's son , is really talkative . And WaiHong , the younger son is really cute , he reminded me of Vitas , because of the bald head maybe , and the way he looked , very handsome boy next time . I noticed that all the Grandsons of the family as their spelling different from mine . They're 'Wai' while im 'Wei' . Its the pronunciation that sounds different in English , but in Chinese and Cantonese , it has the same pronunciation . He is really smart , he overwhelm me with his thoughts all the time . He told me about the stuffs which i do not know of ... and he talks like a robot . He is going to ACS Primary next year . Wish him luck there ... and hope that he doesnt pick up the typical ACSian attitude next time ...

Well , like ive said , im a hole . Where people dump their secrets and no one shall dig them out . But unless if i think its necessary , i shall be nice or naughty and spill them out . Trust is important , and i think thats what keeps people in their relationship . Tillabong is rather secretive , he doesnt wanna let me know something ... Well , im not bothered , neither do i feel like digging it out of his mouth . He reminds me of Tommy somehow ... funny .

I think now the best thing to do , isnt to console me . But not to remind me of anything that ive posted . I dun wish anybody to mention it ... just keep it to urself .

Pesky Rascals

I think Dino is seriously troubling me . Not just pesky , but rather adamant about his views . Indeed a real man , like he claims to be . Well , im just speechless ... I shant talk more about this issue , i think problematic people should just stay as far away as possible .

Well , today i brought Tillabong and WeiLiang to this performance ... Its the Dr.Harlequin play , by the theatre production . Anyway , i think XueYuan is really the star of the show . He is really good in acting , and he can really shine like a star . Interesting , including his accent which made the performance unique . Well , i think the performance on a whole is really not bad . I did enjoy myself and i think WeiLiang and Tillabong did so too .

After the performance , we all , including my classmates , went to drink . Fairul got drunk by drinking slurpee , kinda weird yes .

Today is a really tiring day . Went in circles , but sure do enjoyed myself ... Tillabong is practicing his ErHu now , while WeiLiang is lying around in my bed . My bed's comfortable , and people who sleeps in it , will fall into an ever-ending slumber . Last time i remembered Jonathan slept in it , i wonder who will it be tonight ...

Some people might irritate others while they dunno . Well , some just purposely does it ... to either attract attention ... or to ... i really dunno .

Its never about responsibilty . If its about responsibility , then at start , i think either one should really stand for they've done . Anyway , now responsibility cant do shit , because the problem will still exist . Dun somehow try to change track , because its about honesty . And i think if honesty is involve now , or for if its been seen as the priority , i think somebody would be in deep shit already .

Forgiveness

In the morning i recieved several calls . And one of which is from my Grandma , and what else can i expect from her calls ? Its about my Dad ... Well , i wouldnt wanna say whats wrong with him , neither would i wanna say what he did . But , im gonna be a good son and just give him a call and talk to him ... Good isnt it ? I thought otherwise ...

It's been 1 year already since i last spoke to him . And somehow , im just not prepared to talk to him ... think its gonna be really weird . Im gonna break down and cry again ... and hopefully my Mom wont hear it , or else she too , will break down and cry with me . The last time this happened was during my Prelims period . And i remembered that it was the Sentosa trip .

Anyways , i spent my day with WeiLiang and Tommy at Orchard Road after practicing with Tommy at NAFA . I think Tommy is really weird ... enough about him anyways .

Well , YanJun and WeiLiang are together , and that quite an obvious known fact in CSCO already . All i wanna say is that ... love doesnt exist by itself , love is a not a process , its a stage where couples will settle . Romance is the process which brings couples into a state call love . So , whateva it is , i just wish them both happy in their relationship . I sound like some jealous third party , please ... im not even involved .

Dino , familiar ? XueMin's boyfriend called me today . And obviously its regarding that old case . Anyway , what i wanna say is that ive deleted all my posts about XueMin , because i think ive not enough evidence to prove anything afterall . So , Dino , please go settle the matter between XueMin and YanYa , because afterall its about their relationship . Its either a real big misunderstanding , or one is lying . YanYa , dun prolong this matter any further , go ahead and tell the truth , because i think the truth no matter how cannot be hidden . Good will end with triumph while evil falls . Its a rule , and no matter how , the light will shine into the darkness and the truth will overpower .

Guess everybody is leaving . Suddenly , the holiday just seems so quiet . Im now outside , enjoying myself , and with Tillabong as well , hes reading the newspaper . Somebody has like 2 Pianos , and im so freaking jealous ... im joking ... Well , he has an Upright Grand Piano , and a small one just beside it . Anyway , it sounds rather nice to play with ... Im using somebody's laptop now ... While blogging , im also listening to Vitas' music . Vitas is my new found idol ... Last time i remembered that ive frenzies and they are all those singers that i craze for . It was Robbie William , which made me like British pop . And i bought all his CDs , till now im still hunting for his CDs ... Then there is my favourite singer , Sarah McLachlan . And i also love Enya ... For the powerful voice , its no other than Celine Dion .

Tillabong is so quiet ... i think he hates me !

Anyway , i think im sorry for alot of people . So i dunno whether i should be even forgiven ...

Relinquish

I jerked up from my sleep when i heard my phone ringing . Yes , i have a house phone , but i seldom use it , even if i do , please call my handphone . This happened after that incident when i quarrelled with my cousin . Most of the time , the calls will be for him , so i wouldnt wanna pick it up ... because i'll have to pass the phone to him . Its awkward , because we dun even talk now . Things are ... quiet for the moment .

Tommy called me , and i was still sleeping , partly awake while the other half is still in wonderland . He talked to me , he didnt know what to say , and i repeated myself so many times that im still sleeping . He continued talking ... then i laughed to myself . So funny , if its me , i'll automatically suggest that i'll call again later . But he just went on talking ... Im not blaming him , i just find it funny . I didnt go NAFA ... because i was lazy . Well , as u can guess , its another wasted day .

I suspect somebody is doing something behind my back again . Somebody is cooking things up and he is just an irritating bastard . Well , if u've got no life and u have nothing else to do , i suggest u go chop up ur family and brew them in soup . U are disgusting ! I dunno what uve done , and i sure dun wanna know . Look , ur making me crazy , and i know thats ur motive . Well , uve succeeded , so please stop ur nonsense . To the others , i dunno whether uve betrayed me in some other ways , but i sure know that by not telling me whats going on , it is betrayal . Well ... maybe thats how it is . Trust me , i hate that place to the core , and anyone who comes out of that drain !

Anyway , i noticed that Vitas cannot really dance . I saw a few clips of his MV , and i noticed some dance attempts , and they were failures . Some were not bad ... but most of the time , he just stands on one spot . But i must say that he has very good body language . His music and his actions somehow moves the audiences . He has some good moves , and sure he knows how to seduce his audience ... Well , i think Russia can afford to have him as just one superstar , because he is really good enough . Vitas' music ranges from pop to soul . I think his love songs are not only touching , they are unique and powerful . He knows how to hide his voice , then just when its unexpecting , he unleash it out like a wild animal . No wonder he managed to seduce so many fans from China , and from USA or even Russia itself ... Not bad , Vitas .

Everyone will think that nobody understands them . Its true , nobody does , because only oneself can understand themselves . Anyway , i think yesterday's post , everyone has a similar notion about what i should do . Its obvious that i will do what i think is right ... but nobody understands the history of my story . Though everyone has their own hidden story , but im sure everybody has a different approach . Well , i sent him a message just this afternoon . And well , there isnt any reply , its either he's dead or he's ignoring my message . I dunno which , but im not intending to give him a call , unless something progresses from that message .

The calendar is screwed right , Audrey ? Well , i think so too . Its meant for anyone and everyone to post any events there . And please , if u post something , please put ur name like Fhairil did . Dun post stupid things ... and if the event will occur again the next year , please select the right options . Thanks ...

My uncle , which one ? My Mom's brother , who stayed with us when my Grandma's place was sold . Well , today and yesterday , he cooked . I find it very weird , he dun cook , and nowadays , he is messing up the kitchen with his different recipes . Well , i must say it tasted healthy and it tasted good . Its very amazing ... and now , he is cooking something else . He made 3 dishes already so far ... and i ate the broccoli all by myself , because i love broccolis . What is a broccoli ? Its a plant with dense clusters of tight green flower buds ... i dunno how to say . Anyway , u should know ...

People asked ... what should they do when they get uptight from trying too hard . My answer to them may be ... just relax . When u feel too much tension or forcing in the practice , go outside and look at the trees , look at the sky . Its so beautiful and so expansive . Go outside and walk around abit , in a more relaxed way . But still with awareness of what ur doing . In a short time , the place itself will cool the mind . Being with nature is tranquility to the mind . I think , it really works , and i recommend it to everyone . When ur tensed , staying in a confined area will make u uptight and very compressed . Well , uve to free urself , by going somewhere into the open . Let ur mind be free ...

Nemesis

Guess im Nemesis herself . U'll know why later ...

Well , today is another wasted day . I stayed home and now im downloading some of Vitas' videos . Who is Vitas ? Did i mention it before ... ? Anyway , remember me showing u a video of this male soprano ? Well , its him . And i think hes songs are rather unique . Though , some may sound really ... weird , but i think its kinda intoxicating . Now im addicted to his music , not only his voice . Maybe its some kinda ... magical curse . I dunno , because its in Russian , which obviously i dun understand . Its kinda putting me into a trance ... I wont refer to his music as Satanic , but i'll call it unorthodox . Very strong heterodoxy , and this enhances the piece i guess . Anyway , he wears a scarf . In the video , he removed it and it seemed as if he has some gills at his chin area . I wonder if its real ... or isit for the video only . Its damn weird ...

Yesterday , i sent a comment over to tell them to take away the word verification thing . And , they'll be coming over to my blog to check if there are any blog spammings . Well , i sure do not know what that is ... but , i know ive done nothing wrong .

Tillabong said that my blog is cool , because i mention names and i literally condemn them here . Well , honestly , if i have the guts , i'll mention more . They just deserves it ...

Now , things are going to get a little private . And its the private stuffs that people will always hunger to listen to ... Well , afterall we're only human .

My Grandpa called me . After half an hour or so , my uncle , Douglas , called me . Well , its regarding the same issue . They asked how i am , and where have i been , did i visit my father ... and many more . Well , my answer was obviously no . Then they told me , my Dad is ill .

So , who believes in karma ? I sure dun . But somehow , maybe its real .

Reminder , im not evil . Remember ... im selfish towards selfish people , im nice towards nice people , and i help the helpful people . Well , im a mirror , like ive said before . So ...

Retribution came . This time it hits him hard on his back , without him knowing . Ive expected this day to come , and it finally did . Well , i really pity Dad for having a son like me . The doctors said that it might be ... Well , i'll leave it to ur imagination . And just now , they were telling me that i should visit him . Maybe i'll send him a message or something first . To think of it , im not surprised and im not even sad for a moment . When i heard it , i knew maybe i'll have to attend another funeral soon . Im not implying anything .

He'd done me wrong , my mother wrong and his parents wrong ... in fact , he had done us wrong . And for me , i forgave him the day my parents divorced . Well , ive been living in a pile of lies and diguises . For all my life , ive never heard any truth out of his mouth . Ive heard many stories , from my Grandparents and my Mom ... but the content from the source is rather questionable . Im vindictive , and ive mentioned it before . So , i guess vengeance is mine . Im his nemesis ... and the only thing i'll do is , not to forgive him . I cant force myself to ... really . I wont burn his house down , neither will i murder my step-mother , Jane , and her daughther , Amanda . I'll just leave them alone , and i'll forget about them as easily as i forget about people i hate .

I know for all that ive done , now and the past ... i'll recieve my own piece of retribution . I'll one day taste my own medicine , and im here to witness it . I'll take this down , to prove the accuracy of my own predictions .

Its sad . Its saddening ...

Well , all i wanna do now , is to give Dad some time to think about his own life . Maybe he might regret on certain things , but its already too late . People only regret about things that are over , thats why its too late . Its hard , and i understand how he feels now . We look alike , but im sure my insides are totally different from him . My heart links with Mom , and we both think alike . Therefore , i guess its hard to commune with me afterall because u and Mom dun click well . So , this is it , ur own mistake , facing right before u for 17 years , me .

My heart feels as heavy as a cannon ball . I know its a weird description ... Im moody not because im worried . In fact im worried , yes , but for Mom . Im afraid that one day , she might fall sick . Well , people come and people go . When they come , we invite them and welcome them . But nobody likes others leaving ... because the process is indeed hurting . I just hope , that i'll see them go and not the other way round . Imagine , if i were to die before Mom does . What will she do ? Im the only child , and she brought me up with all the tears , blood and money . Im the only hope she invested on , and its only my responsibility to take care of her when she grows old . I want her to enjoy life , and fulfill as much as she wants . I want her to enjoy her aging years ... without the need to worry about anything else . But , what happens if all fails , and i were to leave first . I cant imagine what will happen ...

Death now seems so close , yet actually its that far . It might be lingering around the corner , and if chances slip , it'll catch u and steal ur life away . I dun wanna be robbed of my own life . I dunno what im gonna do ... but my priority now , is still to take care of Mom . She doesnt stay at home much , because i only see her washing and cleaning and doing all the chores . So , i chased her out , to Malaysia , where her friends are . So , thats where she enjoys most . Let it be then ...

Anger is a burning torch in the mind and when expressed , it causes great suffering to others . It is helpful to recognise anger and let it go , thus the mind becomes lighter . My mind is filled with anger , and with heavy thoughts . Its hard to free myself off disturbance .

Nausea

Well , theres plenty to blog about today , but im not feeling well , so i think it might affect my memory a little ... Sometimes , when ur blogging , u tend to miss out on many other points , and u tell urself to blog it again some other day , but its useless ... i dunno why . I think i should blog wheneva and whereva .

I woke up pretty early , like normal school days . Because i couldnt sleep ... i dunno why . I decided to go to school ... and i did . While on the way out to the carpark , i saw this nymph . Not that voluptuously beautiful young woman ... its a cockroach nymph . And trust me , its the ugliest thing ive met . It somehow reminded me of the people i hate , and dun u wish u can slap them hard in the face . Well , slapping the weird juice out of that ugly nymph doesnt really sound good , so i walked away .

Do u know that , Pakistan has a Kite Flying Festival ? Now its banned . Why ? Because i think Pakistanis just cannot handle kites . During the festival , many people will fly their kites and they would end up either dead or heavily injured . Sounds pretty dumb ? I dunno ... but i think maybe they should really read up on the kite flying manual . Maybe flying the kite shouldnt belong to the dangerous sports category . Pakistanis there flew their kites with metal wires . Now i think it might ring a bell how people die there ... Well , the wires will hit the electrical wires and therefore , the flyer gets electricuted to death . Others , will tend to get so excited that they'll admire the kites on the roof top . Some fell off , which i dun understand how possible , and others were decapitated . Now , kite flying in Pakistan is totally banned . Those found flying one , or making one shall either be fined or to be sent to jail . I think its rather dumb ... One lawyer representing over 90 companies are trying to bring kite flying back into the public . Because , if kite flying is banned , then over 10,000 people will lose their jobs . So leaving ... quite a number of people unemployed . Think about that ...

Milo is not really good for u . Iced Milo is indeed not good for health , and also for relationships . Yes , i made it up myself . Today morning , i went to the coffee shop near the bus-stop , to get myself a packet of iced Milo . In the end , it made the lady and the boss quarrel . Because both of them were busy , and neither of them wants to make the Milo for me ... Its really dumb .

My day was spent with Tommy and Audrey . We went to Bras Basah , as usual , to shop for my CDs . I found a few very good ones and i still cant find my LiuDeHai Recital DVD . Think i lent it to somebody , and i just cant remember who . Hope they can be honest , and return it to me . Im not going to lend anybody anything anymore . Well , i spent around $70 on the CDs ... and i think its enough for one day already . Then it started to rain , so we seeked shelter at National Library . We played with the lift , going up and down umpteen times . Then we ended up somewhere . Its in the reference section ... and we sat there , reading some magazines on motherhood . Then we tested each others with Chinese idioms , because we found one Chinese idioms book ... Back to those days in Barker , i remembered myself carrying this thick orange coloured dictionary . Its a Chinese idiom dictionary . I used to memorise the idioms and learn at least 5 per day . And now , i think its all gone . Ive returned them all back to that dictionary , after i lost it at ... dunno where . Well , after a long time , an Indian old lady came to us , and she said that those were her books . Surprising that an Indian lady like her reads Chinese teaching books . Racial harmony to that kinda extent ... not bad .

Tommy , Audrey and i took dinner at Sunshine Plaza . We ate at the food poisoning stall ... the name was given so because somebody had poisoning there . Well , to think of it , the food is kinda nice , but very expensive and i think i'll call it a bird's meal . The noodles and everything is like ... so little ... i think i can finish it up in 2 mouths . Well , its that pathetic ...

Practiced a little after that . Meanwhile , Daniel and YiLing , not that YangQin one , its a schoolmate of mine , and she plays the Piano , while Daniel plays the clarinet . I taught them Pipa , because they wanted to know more about the instrument . They are composing something for Pipa , and i think YouGuo is going to play it . We had fun playing around and whacking my Pipa , because the techniques i showed them were kinda interesting . Then i taught them some songs ... it was damn funny . I shant elaborate more ... kinda much to say . I left around 11 plus , the school was about to shut down . Because last time , the lift was off and the lights and locks were all switched off , so we were stuck . I believe i mentioned that in some previous entries ... I waited for Fhairil and we took a cab home .

I just came home , from the cab ride . I wasnt feeling quite well , in fact im still kinda feeling queasy . My guess would be that horrible Nasi Lemak stall beside NAFA , where i had my lunch . I know when i eat something , whether im going to end up in the toilet . Its kinda obvious ... but i still go on and ate those curry vegetables ... Well , i just deserved it . I think im going to end up in the toilet , bombing away , later , or maybe late into the depths of the night .

Anyway , i just got some new 'apartment' . Not a house , but a new home for my CDs . For my birthday gift , my Mom bought me like 7 CD hampers . Its all Mickey or Winnie the Pooh ... So yesterday , i spent an hour or so arranging my CDs into those hampers . Another thing was that , the holes in the hamper , or should i say slots ... isnt opened . So i had to open up the slot myself ... imagine how long that took . Stupid present ... really .

Well , i think words shouldnt bring anyone down . Like this song that cow , or Christina Aguilera , sang , i think its the best that ive heard from her so far . She wrote it herself , and i wonder if she is even troubled by her looks . She is arrogant ... and she is just like a cow . The reason why she is known as a cow , is because maybe she likes to 'Moo' alot in her songs ... u get what i mean ? The lyrics are kinda nice ... but im kinda bored about it already .

Today's blog is long . Till next time ... Anyway , Fhairil is acting , so lets support him . Its the opera thing that the Theatre Department organised . Think they'll be putting up quite a good show , so lets just get the tickets and enjoy ourselves ! Go Fhairil ... i'll be going . People , contact him now .