I will have to say that the worst kinda human is alive , and active around us . She is such a whore and bitch . I hate her to the core that i curse her that whateva she do , she'll be unlucky , down and finally , the end product of every effort of her's will be to waste . There are more curses , but its not really nice to put them all here isnt it ... WeiFeng should know , u heard it a thousand times . Fly , the witch with her big fat black cat ...
Im addicted to the songs ...
There is so much i wanna say , but since im not feeling well today , like now , then i think i'll let u off , bitch . Fucking whore , listen , u know what u cannot do and what u can , i curse that u wont be able to do what u wished for so much , and listen , ur a waste dump . Its a blessing that lucky u cannot do what u want , or else , it'll be a waste of the earth's resources .
And in this blog , i put all my thoughts and inner most emotions . The reason why its so vulgar and so unorganised , as it may seem , its supposed to be somewhere i pour my thoughts , not somewhere , a playground or whateva for u guys to come here to read and entertain urself . It is a big big thinking space , let it throw and hit u with notions and ideas . Let it motivate u , let it enlighten u and let it inspire u . Im a pundit blogger , my blog is always insightful and definitely quality to read . Hope somebody truly appreciate my hard work ...
Its been quite a while since i wrote a poem . Its because im so down in the mood that i cant really think much to write about ... it all lingers around the same topic , but i just cant think . People say that nowadays ive been very annoyed . Yes i am , im feeling so frustrated . Im easily affected by my surroundings ? I dunno ... but all i know is that im feeling very annoyed ... annoyed easily , so dun ask stupid questions or do stupid things , ur bound to get a scolding from me , if u dun , it means i'll just keep quiet , most of the time actually ... Please have the initiative to shut up sometimes ...
Some people are just so baised ...
Im sick again i think ... today i feel so happy , i outran some old folks that i failed to surpass during the previous visit . I was so elated ... actually quite dumb to actually be happy over some achievements ... some stupid minor ones , those that i'll be embarrassed to be proud of .
To round off the entry today , i'll just repeat on one thing . Being a teacher , is more that to teach , but to set an example too . If a teacher were to look down on her students , then whats the point of being a teacher , its so disgraceful . If a teacher doesnt set a good example but to tell her students the rights and morales of a good person , she is just so contradicting . My goal is so avoid myself from being such a human waste like that . Disgraceful witch ...
Monday, August 29, 2005
Saturday, August 27, 2005
The Only Rule Is That There Are No Rules
Im going into the state of craziness again ... i dunno ... many many different emotions pouring over me now . Somehow im reminded of my lonley past . Examples like YiChun reminding me that i have no friends ... its really saddening ... my eyes cannot hold the force of my tears , and it showered down just like that , flowing down my cheeks . Things i dun wanna hear just echoed in my ear , like sound of very strong bass . To think of it , i really do not have any real friends , no true friends . Some may claim they are , i do hope so , but it just seem to me that ive always been there for a friend , but none has ever been beside me to walk those difficult steps , to cross the bridge which i feared crossing . Im not psychic , but i really can expect answers from anybody . I want somebody who is unpredictable , not as in really moody and unpredictable , but someone who can throw me surprises , someone to really cheer me up when i dun expect one at my lowest times . My spirit is really low now , on the doldrums ... really feeling heavy .
Sometimes when ur friends are those u really wanna go out with , they're often with thier friends , to think of it , why cant i be one of them . Its not that im not , but people just see me as a very normal friend , not a hangout type . Im always the second class , to no matter what may apply . My time spent is really little , little with friends , but plenty alone . I spend my time alone , doing self reflection , my self progression , my inner most thoughts . Thats when i pour out my inner most emotions , its the time when i get confronted with myself . My inner most treasured moments . There is nothing else more then what i may expect from the term 'friendship' . Im really disappointed , though i had already expected this to happen , like i said , im not a psychich but i saw this coming dunno ever since . I know what happens in the end , but i dun wanna experience the process , its painful to bear it through . Look at my pictures , im usually alone ... only recently to find some very old pictures of myself when i was younger . Now i can fly , i fly , but i fly alone . Look at others , they are always with someone , their friends , and their gang . A clique ... whoeva doesnt have one ? I do have one ? I know ? I dunno ... people might say that i dun treasure and cherish things around me , they tell me that things are around me , meant for me , but i dun grab is fast . I dun cherish the moment , i dun think about others . They are always there , but im alway thinking that im alone ... I must comment on that , it might be true at times , but if it isnt , then what will make me think of all those unhappy moments , it must be the thoughts or feelings that bring to the state of mind .
I need some songs in minor key ... I must admit that i bought 3 CDs yesterday . Its YangJing's DVD , featuring her compositions , its really too good for me even to see it . I bought another LinHai's CD . I like his songs , i think its so filled with inspiration and emotions . It really moves me . Some are just my type of classics ... some are forever so fresh sounding , unlike songs that will just die out , like pop usually . And another CD is a newage instrumental music ... inside got MaTouQin , the Mongolian bowed string instrument ... its really cool .
Some people think practical . They think about money , how it works , what will happen without it . They are straight forward , they dun like to waste time sitting or rotting around , because time is money , they can be more productive with the free time they have . These people , they tend to prefer to solve problems in groups , they like to say things out to inform others of how they feel about certain matters , most of the time . Some people think about emotions . They are romantic , they dun really care about money , they treat it as a second factor to affect other factors . These people will like to appreciate and hang around somewhere to feel what the surrounding is giving . They like to think alone , they dun really wanna say what they think most of the time . Some people think about rights . They are very righteous , they like to do things which they think its right . They have their own sets of beliefs , they follow rules and regulations of law , or religion . They are usually , morally more conservative . They solve problems by using methods or ways that are proven to be right . They tend to preach alot , but practicing what they preach is another matter . Some people just think about reality . They know what is right and wrong , they are a mixture of all of the above . But whateva they do , they do think about how reality really works . Like lets say donation , its good to donate as u'll get ur share back in the future , ur helping the poor , the needy and those who are really disabled of earning to live . But in reality , every morale is proven stupid . In reality there are only a few things to concern , money , sleep , eat and work and more i guess ... but the fact is that the rest are just ur own business , u interfere with ur own accord . Relationship problems of other people ... and stuff will just weigh u down , i dun wanna be concerned , but i usually do in the end . Im the reality thinking type of person , i dun really care anymore about anything , reality is there , it is proven . Reality is the saddest thing ive ever heard , seen and touched .
I dun wanna fall back into the same topic almost everyday . Is this interesting enough , ChaiXia ? I'll just mention this occassionally ...
Ive completed my another song . Yesterday's was the beach and today's the field . Its all part of the partita ... i must say that ive done better , its an improvement , but it doesnt follow any rule , im not some composition student or diploma holders . However , composing is my hobby , and i follow only one rule , that is that " there is no rule " .
Sometimes when ur friends are those u really wanna go out with , they're often with thier friends , to think of it , why cant i be one of them . Its not that im not , but people just see me as a very normal friend , not a hangout type . Im always the second class , to no matter what may apply . My time spent is really little , little with friends , but plenty alone . I spend my time alone , doing self reflection , my self progression , my inner most thoughts . Thats when i pour out my inner most emotions , its the time when i get confronted with myself . My inner most treasured moments . There is nothing else more then what i may expect from the term 'friendship' . Im really disappointed , though i had already expected this to happen , like i said , im not a psychich but i saw this coming dunno ever since . I know what happens in the end , but i dun wanna experience the process , its painful to bear it through . Look at my pictures , im usually alone ... only recently to find some very old pictures of myself when i was younger . Now i can fly , i fly , but i fly alone . Look at others , they are always with someone , their friends , and their gang . A clique ... whoeva doesnt have one ? I do have one ? I know ? I dunno ... people might say that i dun treasure and cherish things around me , they tell me that things are around me , meant for me , but i dun grab is fast . I dun cherish the moment , i dun think about others . They are always there , but im alway thinking that im alone ... I must comment on that , it might be true at times , but if it isnt , then what will make me think of all those unhappy moments , it must be the thoughts or feelings that bring to the state of mind .
I need some songs in minor key ... I must admit that i bought 3 CDs yesterday . Its YangJing's DVD , featuring her compositions , its really too good for me even to see it . I bought another LinHai's CD . I like his songs , i think its so filled with inspiration and emotions . It really moves me . Some are just my type of classics ... some are forever so fresh sounding , unlike songs that will just die out , like pop usually . And another CD is a newage instrumental music ... inside got MaTouQin , the Mongolian bowed string instrument ... its really cool .
Some people think practical . They think about money , how it works , what will happen without it . They are straight forward , they dun like to waste time sitting or rotting around , because time is money , they can be more productive with the free time they have . These people , they tend to prefer to solve problems in groups , they like to say things out to inform others of how they feel about certain matters , most of the time . Some people think about emotions . They are romantic , they dun really care about money , they treat it as a second factor to affect other factors . These people will like to appreciate and hang around somewhere to feel what the surrounding is giving . They like to think alone , they dun really wanna say what they think most of the time . Some people think about rights . They are very righteous , they like to do things which they think its right . They have their own sets of beliefs , they follow rules and regulations of law , or religion . They are usually , morally more conservative . They solve problems by using methods or ways that are proven to be right . They tend to preach alot , but practicing what they preach is another matter . Some people just think about reality . They know what is right and wrong , they are a mixture of all of the above . But whateva they do , they do think about how reality really works . Like lets say donation , its good to donate as u'll get ur share back in the future , ur helping the poor , the needy and those who are really disabled of earning to live . But in reality , every morale is proven stupid . In reality there are only a few things to concern , money , sleep , eat and work and more i guess ... but the fact is that the rest are just ur own business , u interfere with ur own accord . Relationship problems of other people ... and stuff will just weigh u down , i dun wanna be concerned , but i usually do in the end . Im the reality thinking type of person , i dun really care anymore about anything , reality is there , it is proven . Reality is the saddest thing ive ever heard , seen and touched .
I dun wanna fall back into the same topic almost everyday . Is this interesting enough , ChaiXia ? I'll just mention this occassionally ...
Ive completed my another song . Yesterday's was the beach and today's the field . Its all part of the partita ... i must say that ive done better , its an improvement , but it doesnt follow any rule , im not some composition student or diploma holders . However , composing is my hobby , and i follow only one rule , that is that " there is no rule " .
Stupid Old Man
I broke my record ! I took the initiative today , finally . I felt kinda bad and embarrassed when i saw all the old folks , they were doing much better . I didnt care much , but i felt inferior . It cost me my life , and im so tired . Beat out totally ...
School was normal , except that i had to show Dr.Kan my portfolio , when actually i did almost nothing . I felt so bad ... it seemed like ive done so much , but actually i havent . Im tired ... Today , we watched DVD during performance class ... lucky i dun have to play .
Had a last minute performance , called by QiaoFang . She brought me to ZhengHe , the so called ship that so many people talked about . QiaoFang , JiaBin and i played in boat number 2 , while XinTian and gang played at boat 1 . I was so stressed , i had to come up with the accompaniment , simply by improvisation , and i only had the main melody score . I was so stressed , JiaBin played so loudly , dunno why my Pipa sound so soft over there ... think its the acoustic problem . After the performance , we had free buffet on the boat . Its not nice at all ...
I went to SCH to catch the concert by YanHuiChang , i got free ticket . But i was there to really just catch HuangGuiFang's SanXian concerto ... Then michelle dragged me around when i saw her during the intermission . I managed to watch the concerto , but i didnt really like it , not like what ive expected . SCO is really getting poorer , its really far lower than my expectations , maybe its because i heard too much of western music ... somehow chinese music is like inferior in some sense . The SCO is transforming into a western chamber-like orchestra , lacking the qualities of the taste of a chinese orchestra . The cripsy and accented , strong moving melodies with affectionate harmonies , its all missing . The SCO is really lacking in alot , all thanks to YehTsung ? Maestro Yeh has really brought the chinese orchestra to another boundary , another line . He had crossed the limits , and now , SCO is falling deep into the pit . SCO's music is messy , not moving , not strong enough . I cannot feel the accents and the forces of the orchestra , its really that bad , just like before . Ive only watched like 4 SCO concerts , and this is the forth , i wont really wanna catch another one again , except for YangWei's , because i want to attend his masterclass !
I went into the staff area , the passage leading to the musician restroom , then i was standing there looking at the programmes of the upcoming concerts . Then came one stupid ErHu player , ChenJinLian ... isit ... the old man . He then asked me what instrument i play , in a sarcastic tone , like as if im from SCO , then i was holding my Pipa in hand , i said , "Pipa ... ?" . He then said that he havent seen me before , and why i can come into this area . Please , stupid old man , u cant even play ur ErHu properly , im sure that one day u'll be unable to come into that area too , because u'll be out of SCO ... and by the way , i dun even know who u are ... i thought ur the cleaner . Stupid old man , stupid fucking old man . Fucker ... bloody fool ... lousy noob , cant even play ur ErHu , u think i didnt notice how u struggle with the semiquavers ? U look like a dead rat , a retarded one even ... stupid old man . Stupid ChenJinLian ... shut the fuck up please , and try to think hard on how to survive in SCO , and think about where ur gonna beg for money after ur gone from SCO . Think hard old man !
School was normal , except that i had to show Dr.Kan my portfolio , when actually i did almost nothing . I felt so bad ... it seemed like ive done so much , but actually i havent . Im tired ... Today , we watched DVD during performance class ... lucky i dun have to play .
Had a last minute performance , called by QiaoFang . She brought me to ZhengHe , the so called ship that so many people talked about . QiaoFang , JiaBin and i played in boat number 2 , while XinTian and gang played at boat 1 . I was so stressed , i had to come up with the accompaniment , simply by improvisation , and i only had the main melody score . I was so stressed , JiaBin played so loudly , dunno why my Pipa sound so soft over there ... think its the acoustic problem . After the performance , we had free buffet on the boat . Its not nice at all ...
I went to SCH to catch the concert by YanHuiChang , i got free ticket . But i was there to really just catch HuangGuiFang's SanXian concerto ... Then michelle dragged me around when i saw her during the intermission . I managed to watch the concerto , but i didnt really like it , not like what ive expected . SCO is really getting poorer , its really far lower than my expectations , maybe its because i heard too much of western music ... somehow chinese music is like inferior in some sense . The SCO is transforming into a western chamber-like orchestra , lacking the qualities of the taste of a chinese orchestra . The cripsy and accented , strong moving melodies with affectionate harmonies , its all missing . The SCO is really lacking in alot , all thanks to YehTsung ? Maestro Yeh has really brought the chinese orchestra to another boundary , another line . He had crossed the limits , and now , SCO is falling deep into the pit . SCO's music is messy , not moving , not strong enough . I cannot feel the accents and the forces of the orchestra , its really that bad , just like before . Ive only watched like 4 SCO concerts , and this is the forth , i wont really wanna catch another one again , except for YangWei's , because i want to attend his masterclass !
I went into the staff area , the passage leading to the musician restroom , then i was standing there looking at the programmes of the upcoming concerts . Then came one stupid ErHu player , ChenJinLian ... isit ... the old man . He then asked me what instrument i play , in a sarcastic tone , like as if im from SCO , then i was holding my Pipa in hand , i said , "Pipa ... ?" . He then said that he havent seen me before , and why i can come into this area . Please , stupid old man , u cant even play ur ErHu properly , im sure that one day u'll be unable to come into that area too , because u'll be out of SCO ... and by the way , i dun even know who u are ... i thought ur the cleaner . Stupid old man , stupid fucking old man . Fucker ... bloody fool ... lousy noob , cant even play ur ErHu , u think i didnt notice how u struggle with the semiquavers ? U look like a dead rat , a retarded one even ... stupid old man . Stupid ChenJinLian ... shut the fuck up please , and try to think hard on how to survive in SCO , and think about where ur gonna beg for money after ur gone from SCO . Think hard old man !
Friday, August 26, 2005
A Lost Sheep Will Friend The Wolves Of The Forest
Sometimes ... the world is like that , everyone learn to know someone just for the sake of accompaniment . If u live in the sea , ur friend the fishes , but when ur in the sky , u ignore the fishes , u friend the birds . Its the same concept . Sometimes , i dun really understand whether those are really my friends , or are they the hi-bye type . However , sometimes , u wont be able to get much help from these people , they find u a bore or a troublesome guy when ur in need . Like me , a simple favour , though they did it , but i think they dragged their lazy ass and sighed all the way as they helped the favour . The same concept lies there , motionless , nobody will change that , its like reality . Not back to the topic again ...
I got so much to do for my portfolio , and i lent ShiHan my worklist today , and he didnt return it to me . Great ... ShiHan is a cellist , he's borned in a family of musicians , all great musicians . Usually people who are borned in such a family background will tend to lean slightly to the arrogant side . However , i think ShiHan is rather nice . But ... wheres my worklist !? Now , i cannot do my work ... i only managed to do some of my journal entries . The journal is actually a revision ... they are smart ... its too force us to revise on what we did , make us focus on what we learned during our lectures . Its a sypnosis ... somehow ... A self progression report ?
Im tired ... tomorrow will be worse , i dunno what im gonna play ... think i'll play something easy . Something interesting i hope ... I didnt practice ... die .
I got so much to do for my portfolio , and i lent ShiHan my worklist today , and he didnt return it to me . Great ... ShiHan is a cellist , he's borned in a family of musicians , all great musicians . Usually people who are borned in such a family background will tend to lean slightly to the arrogant side . However , i think ShiHan is rather nice . But ... wheres my worklist !? Now , i cannot do my work ... i only managed to do some of my journal entries . The journal is actually a revision ... they are smart ... its too force us to revise on what we did , make us focus on what we learned during our lectures . Its a sypnosis ... somehow ... A self progression report ?
Im tired ... tomorrow will be worse , i dunno what im gonna play ... think i'll play something easy . Something interesting i hope ... I didnt practice ... die .
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
Bad Memory
I forgot to blog yesterday ? I didnt know ... Anyway , yesterday i didnt go to school , i wasnt feeling very well , so i stayed home and did some of my work . Today i finished the new composition that i started yesterday . Its called Gildon's Partita The Beach . Didnt know why i named it that way ... guess it reminds me of the beach somehow .
Dunno why , just now when i was bathing , i was reminded of a particular scene that happened before i was promoted to sec 3 . I was with 2 of my friends , i shant mention who , and we were walking ... then suddenly one of them mentioned about the other , he was supposingly in the same class as me , as in promoted to the same class , but he opted to change class , to another class that is the same with the former guy . I was so sad ... i was like stunned . Very sad scenario ... but its over , so i shall not talk more ...
Now im addicted to the new song i wrote ... so stupid ... but yet so nice .
Ive so much work to do ... today's lecture , i must really applause for Christoven , he was so brave , but yet so rude . But still , so admiring ! He called Dr.Kan a bimbo ... i was like shocked ... the whole class was shocked , once again , ever since the Luke incident too ... But Christoven's was too directly , and there is no way its implying something else ... the bimbo at the back , was clearly Dr.Kan !
I feel that some people are getting weirder ... brainwashed ? I dunno ... suddenly someone is so close to someone else ... well , i dunno ... but i feel that there's something wrong , definitely . Im not gonna be involve in any class politics , no more political games for me , ive got enough and i think that i'll be neutral and just sit my lazy ass there on my seat . I feel that my heart now is so weak , not as in a weak body and a weak heart , but its just soft , sensitive . I tend to fall "in love" easily nowadays ... dunno why ... think its that it has been too long . Its time ... i guess . However , im too busy for this kinda things now . I wanna focus on music first ...
I told someone that i'll write a peom on one topic ... what was it ? I cant remember ... let me think ... let me think ... cant remember .
Dunno why , just now when i was bathing , i was reminded of a particular scene that happened before i was promoted to sec 3 . I was with 2 of my friends , i shant mention who , and we were walking ... then suddenly one of them mentioned about the other , he was supposingly in the same class as me , as in promoted to the same class , but he opted to change class , to another class that is the same with the former guy . I was so sad ... i was like stunned . Very sad scenario ... but its over , so i shall not talk more ...
Now im addicted to the new song i wrote ... so stupid ... but yet so nice .
Ive so much work to do ... today's lecture , i must really applause for Christoven , he was so brave , but yet so rude . But still , so admiring ! He called Dr.Kan a bimbo ... i was like shocked ... the whole class was shocked , once again , ever since the Luke incident too ... But Christoven's was too directly , and there is no way its implying something else ... the bimbo at the back , was clearly Dr.Kan !
I feel that some people are getting weirder ... brainwashed ? I dunno ... suddenly someone is so close to someone else ... well , i dunno ... but i feel that there's something wrong , definitely . Im not gonna be involve in any class politics , no more political games for me , ive got enough and i think that i'll be neutral and just sit my lazy ass there on my seat . I feel that my heart now is so weak , not as in a weak body and a weak heart , but its just soft , sensitive . I tend to fall "in love" easily nowadays ... dunno why ... think its that it has been too long . Its time ... i guess . However , im too busy for this kinda things now . I wanna focus on music first ...
I told someone that i'll write a peom on one topic ... what was it ? I cant remember ... let me think ... let me think ... cant remember .
Monday, August 22, 2005
Abnormal
Monday blues ... my Pipa doesnt sound nice anymore ... i think maybe its because i dropped it yesterday on the floor . Lucky the ground was carpeted , and its soft ... but still ... its painful to see that .
I read all my blog entries again , somethings just seem so familiar , yet some just look so strange to me somehow . Memories flush back at that instant , when i read my blog . I didnt spend much time reading all the quizzes i did , the results , i dun really know it well too . Well , im too busy typing nonsense and doing quizzes for the sake of doing it , the results dun matter . Maybe thats what im doing , the results of everything im doing dun really matter to me , im just doing all these for the sake of doing it , its obbligation . And ... the titles of my blog entries had dropped its standards that i kept througout , before the computer broke down .
Just now on the bus , there was a old man , maybe around is 40s , he was throwing his temper on the bus . I didnt know what happened , but i guessed its something to do with the bus driver . After which , he started to stamp his feet , and pressing the bell to annoy the driver . Please , its annoying the public , its harrassment ... reminds me of the horror girl in school . An elderly man , acting like my baby cousin , its really a disgrace . Stupid old man . Anyway , lets bring the topic to the mad girl in school . Ive lodged a complain to Oscar , the in-charge for disciplinary actions , she wanted to refer this issue to the police , but i refused to . She said that im too nice , i must really take action and make judgement upon this culprit , which i thought its true , but however , its still kinda bad , i'll feel guilty . Its not my fault at all , cant blame me for looking 'cute' or being too friendly , or too nice and stuff right ? Its her mindset that needs some changes . I think that music people are people who are more emotional , and more of the expressive wild side . The normal type of people are those who wears a tie and carries a briefcase and goes to work , following a scheduled time table . People who creates music are usually unbalanced in the mind , which doesnt necessarily means bad , but it just implies that we are abnormal compared to the common folks we see on the streets . Now , its just a warning , if she acts up again , its byebye for her , she'll be paying $15,000 and its gone case for her ... too bad , ive warned u .
Im so tired ... i got so much work to do , but i seem to be very free , but i know deep inside that ive plenty to do ! Im so dead ... somehow ...
I read all my blog entries again , somethings just seem so familiar , yet some just look so strange to me somehow . Memories flush back at that instant , when i read my blog . I didnt spend much time reading all the quizzes i did , the results , i dun really know it well too . Well , im too busy typing nonsense and doing quizzes for the sake of doing it , the results dun matter . Maybe thats what im doing , the results of everything im doing dun really matter to me , im just doing all these for the sake of doing it , its obbligation . And ... the titles of my blog entries had dropped its standards that i kept througout , before the computer broke down .
Just now on the bus , there was a old man , maybe around is 40s , he was throwing his temper on the bus . I didnt know what happened , but i guessed its something to do with the bus driver . After which , he started to stamp his feet , and pressing the bell to annoy the driver . Please , its annoying the public , its harrassment ... reminds me of the horror girl in school . An elderly man , acting like my baby cousin , its really a disgrace . Stupid old man . Anyway , lets bring the topic to the mad girl in school . Ive lodged a complain to Oscar , the in-charge for disciplinary actions , she wanted to refer this issue to the police , but i refused to . She said that im too nice , i must really take action and make judgement upon this culprit , which i thought its true , but however , its still kinda bad , i'll feel guilty . Its not my fault at all , cant blame me for looking 'cute' or being too friendly , or too nice and stuff right ? Its her mindset that needs some changes . I think that music people are people who are more emotional , and more of the expressive wild side . The normal type of people are those who wears a tie and carries a briefcase and goes to work , following a scheduled time table . People who creates music are usually unbalanced in the mind , which doesnt necessarily means bad , but it just implies that we are abnormal compared to the common folks we see on the streets . Now , its just a warning , if she acts up again , its byebye for her , she'll be paying $15,000 and its gone case for her ... too bad , ive warned u .
Im so tired ... i got so much work to do , but i seem to be very free , but i know deep inside that ive plenty to do ! Im so dead ... somehow ...
Sunday, August 21, 2005
Botanic Botanic
Today was very tiring ... indeed . I woke up late , so i skipped CSCO practice . Seriously , i find that NUSCO is more interesting , but that doesnt mean that i'll move out from CSCO . CSCO , is my home ...
I went to Botanical Garden with the ErHu group of people , we met at ChangSan CC , then we went to eat after that . YongXiong went home to change his shoes , because he wore the wrong pair , he wore white . Ive never wore a white pair of shoes before ... Anyway , when we got to the main enterance of Botanical Garden , the whole area at the entrance was under renovation , therefore , we have to walk 170m to another gate entrance , for drivers , they would have to drive 1km to somewhere else ... It was very tiring . When we got in , we looked at the map , we traced the route and we knew then , the symphony stage was so far away . The distance dun really matter much , its the contour , the upward slopes ... really an uphill task . We had to go pass the swan lake , then the ginger garden , then somewhere then somewhere , before we can see the stage , then we have to walk downhill , one whole turn to the stage itself . When i was there , i was almost dead already . I wore a white T-shirt ... others were all wearing polo Ts ... i didnt know , i thought white top , thats all . Anyway , i was afraid that my Pipa will spoil , due to the humidity there , and worse , it was still drizzling . Casteel went on , the rehearsal went on well . The Chinese instrumentalist literally just sat there and rot , for the performance . Imagine , out of 11 items , including movements between pieces , we only play 4 . One movement already took up around 3 to 5 minutes . We had to sit throughout the performance ... i would really rather play , while others say that we are lucky . No ...
After the performance , we had out free buffet at Burkhill ... It was like somewhere up a hill . A hill ... meaning ... we had to climb up again . After that performance , we were already so shagged , yet we had to climb ... We performed to a small group of audience , who were passer-bys , to joggers , to dog-walkers , to friends and family . It was quite a number , but compared to the amount of space at the Botanical Garden , it looked small .
Robert Casteel just cant stop sweating and wetting his shirt ...
Botanical Garden is really a very nice place , totally unaccessable to me , but i really enjoyed my time there . Ive been there before , a long long time ago , but it left me deep impressions . Hope i can really go there again , to get inspiration and all . Its a romantic place to be in , anyone will fall in love there . Its beautiful ... get inspired !
I went to Botanical Garden with the ErHu group of people , we met at ChangSan CC , then we went to eat after that . YongXiong went home to change his shoes , because he wore the wrong pair , he wore white . Ive never wore a white pair of shoes before ... Anyway , when we got to the main enterance of Botanical Garden , the whole area at the entrance was under renovation , therefore , we have to walk 170m to another gate entrance , for drivers , they would have to drive 1km to somewhere else ... It was very tiring . When we got in , we looked at the map , we traced the route and we knew then , the symphony stage was so far away . The distance dun really matter much , its the contour , the upward slopes ... really an uphill task . We had to go pass the swan lake , then the ginger garden , then somewhere then somewhere , before we can see the stage , then we have to walk downhill , one whole turn to the stage itself . When i was there , i was almost dead already . I wore a white T-shirt ... others were all wearing polo Ts ... i didnt know , i thought white top , thats all . Anyway , i was afraid that my Pipa will spoil , due to the humidity there , and worse , it was still drizzling . Casteel went on , the rehearsal went on well . The Chinese instrumentalist literally just sat there and rot , for the performance . Imagine , out of 11 items , including movements between pieces , we only play 4 . One movement already took up around 3 to 5 minutes . We had to sit throughout the performance ... i would really rather play , while others say that we are lucky . No ...
After the performance , we had out free buffet at Burkhill ... It was like somewhere up a hill . A hill ... meaning ... we had to climb up again . After that performance , we were already so shagged , yet we had to climb ... We performed to a small group of audience , who were passer-bys , to joggers , to dog-walkers , to friends and family . It was quite a number , but compared to the amount of space at the Botanical Garden , it looked small .
Robert Casteel just cant stop sweating and wetting his shirt ...
Botanical Garden is really a very nice place , totally unaccessable to me , but i really enjoyed my time there . Ive been there before , a long long time ago , but it left me deep impressions . Hope i can really go there again , to get inspiration and all . Its a romantic place to be in , anyone will fall in love there . Its beautiful ... get inspired !
Centennial Suffering
Im so tired today . Ive walked miles and miles , and im so used to it already . Almost everyday or all the time , from AngMoKio interchange back to home , or from YioChuKang . Journey is short , but actually its quite far ...
Today i had my Centennial Symphony practice , after which i had nothing to do ... so i went to NUSCO to practice with them ... I saw YiLeng , she was very shocked , she shouted when she saw me , i reacted the same . Candy , XinTian was there , actually she was the one who saw me during my practice before , and booked me for dinner . So many people there ... cant believe still that Mr.Lum can still remember me ... he asked me whether i want to play as a guest ... he told me to come and play together , and he asked where i am now ... what im doing ... and stuff ... He still remembered me ? We played a new song , its the hardest song ive ever played , dun even talk about sight-reading it . That song , is specially written for NUSCO . The composer is the Indian violinist i saw on TV Mobile that day when i went to school . He is gonna play that piece with NUSCO . Its a Violin and ErHu double concerto ... very unique in style , very interesting , very formulated . I loved it ... but its gonna be tough practicing that piece ... its really the hardest thing ive ever seen ... and heard ... and played ... stupid time signatures ...
Tomorrow will be the Botanical Garden concert , i wonder who will go ... Hope to see some people i know there ... hopefully ... someone ... my friends .
Today i had my Centennial Symphony practice , after which i had nothing to do ... so i went to NUSCO to practice with them ... I saw YiLeng , she was very shocked , she shouted when she saw me , i reacted the same . Candy , XinTian was there , actually she was the one who saw me during my practice before , and booked me for dinner . So many people there ... cant believe still that Mr.Lum can still remember me ... he asked me whether i want to play as a guest ... he told me to come and play together , and he asked where i am now ... what im doing ... and stuff ... He still remembered me ? We played a new song , its the hardest song ive ever played , dun even talk about sight-reading it . That song , is specially written for NUSCO . The composer is the Indian violinist i saw on TV Mobile that day when i went to school . He is gonna play that piece with NUSCO . Its a Violin and ErHu double concerto ... very unique in style , very interesting , very formulated . I loved it ... but its gonna be tough practicing that piece ... its really the hardest thing ive ever seen ... and heard ... and played ... stupid time signatures ...
Tomorrow will be the Botanical Garden concert , i wonder who will go ... Hope to see some people i know there ... hopefully ... someone ... my friends .
Saturday, August 20, 2005
I Dun Care
Today i went to Samuel's new booklaunch . It was not bad ... i felt kinda bad if i dun buy the book , so i bought one , hope its useful somehow ... I didnt wanna buy at first , because i had not much money left for this week , but then ... well ... nevermind .
WeiLing was there ... at first kinda hard to recognise her , because she slimmed down alot . Really ... scary ... joking .
I changed my account password , yet my cousin managed to get inside , smart . But now he created an account of his own , smarter . I dun give a bloody fucking care , im gonna delete his account .
I dun care !
WeiLing was there ... at first kinda hard to recognise her , because she slimmed down alot . Really ... scary ... joking .
I changed my account password , yet my cousin managed to get inside , smart . But now he created an account of his own , smarter . I dun give a bloody fucking care , im gonna delete his account .
I dun care !
Thursday, August 18, 2005
Again
My wrath struck again , anger boils and my spirit has fallen into doldrums . Today , something happened to my computer again , i spent almost an hour trying to figure whats wrong , while my cousin sits there , idling and not knowing anything , not helpless , but its not helpful . Everytime when i use the computer , its ok . However , whenever he uses it , when i come home to use it , its always down . Now thats it , ive decided , i changed the account password , so that he cannot use my computer anymore . Ive drawn a line , but yet if it is crossed , or maybe not yet , but almost , i dun really care , to me , its considered over . Its too much ... its over , thats it . I came home , i would expect him for sure to be playing with my computer , but he didnt , from then on , i can expect that something is wrong , and i was right ... i was so right ... I am right !
YanYu is going England for performance , so i wont be having lessons with her for one week , but we arranged our time , so we can have lesson before the day of her flight . So lucky , can go Europe . I wish i would go there , most of my friends in NAFA had been there before , either for courses or for holidays . Thats where music really dwells ... isnt it ?
For me , now im so fed up , i really got nothing to say . One thing ... let me think ... forget it .
YanYu is going England for performance , so i wont be having lessons with her for one week , but we arranged our time , so we can have lesson before the day of her flight . So lucky , can go Europe . I wish i would go there , most of my friends in NAFA had been there before , either for courses or for holidays . Thats where music really dwells ... isnt it ?
For me , now im so fed up , i really got nothing to say . One thing ... let me think ... forget it .
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
My Wrath
Whenever i wanna do something , or to make something complete of my own , theres sure some other obstacles that will stop or weigh me down . I really feel so frustrated ... u might call me selfish , but thats how i am ... i am just not happy when somebody touches my things or use my stuffs ... Im just like that ...
WeiFeng today ... not bad ... got very drastic improvement ... or was it that i didnt expect it to be that good . Heard that ChenWei's new song is very nice ... anticipating to hear it . However , there is no way im going to watch their concert , unless there are free tickets ... or they split and pay for me to watch ... which is very impossible .
Sometimes ... somethings are just important to me , not that it has any importance in my life ... but it just signifies clearly to me how some people conduct or present themselves . I believe that sometimes , those that means the least to others might be mean alot to me ... things like , saying 'Good Morning' to me ... i dunno why , but it just makes me feel happier ... well its because ... better not say . Another thing is waving goodbye after alighting at the bus stop ... or simply things like "Are u ok ? How are u ?" ... See ... its all simple ... but it leaves an impact , or more of an impression of somebody .
Nobody is this world has ever made me feel elated or touched ... everyone makes me feel that im useless or either that im not welcomed ... somehow i just feel that im wasting the resources of the earth ... and wasting my mother's money ... im a beast , i admit , and im sorry to be a burden to all . All i can do now is to try being less useless ... which is useless ...
Maybe im the only child , thats why i dun really like to share things . Honestly , i dun have the habit to share things ... but im actually very willing to . However , when i have an ordeal with someone , i'll be too unhappy to work or share with this person again .
This is a new computer , i mind u all , and today something happened to it . I dun wish to change everything , and turn my back against all . Im serious , from now on , i want a personal life . U guys came and ruined life for me for 2 years already , and its obvious that im not even one bit happy about that . Ive shown and thrown my temper , showing my anger and wrath , before , and i know u guys know how scary i can be when im mad . Im someone with not much temper , but when it comes , its extreme , i repeat , extreme .
Look , i hate people who are like that ... they dunno how to look at things in different views . I didnt even start a quarrel ... yet someone just started this cold war herself . Look , its stupid , and i hate that . I hate girls who act cute , it really turns me off ... to my limits ... i cannot handle girls who are weird , moody and just totally weird ! Look , get out of life if u want ... though its a very small case ... to me , i prefer to look further to what might happen in the future between us . Get out ...
People will not take care of your things like how u treat your stuffs . I treat my precious like my life , but people dun , because its not their's .
WeiFeng today ... not bad ... got very drastic improvement ... or was it that i didnt expect it to be that good . Heard that ChenWei's new song is very nice ... anticipating to hear it . However , there is no way im going to watch their concert , unless there are free tickets ... or they split and pay for me to watch ... which is very impossible .
Sometimes ... somethings are just important to me , not that it has any importance in my life ... but it just signifies clearly to me how some people conduct or present themselves . I believe that sometimes , those that means the least to others might be mean alot to me ... things like , saying 'Good Morning' to me ... i dunno why , but it just makes me feel happier ... well its because ... better not say . Another thing is waving goodbye after alighting at the bus stop ... or simply things like "Are u ok ? How are u ?" ... See ... its all simple ... but it leaves an impact , or more of an impression of somebody .
Nobody is this world has ever made me feel elated or touched ... everyone makes me feel that im useless or either that im not welcomed ... somehow i just feel that im wasting the resources of the earth ... and wasting my mother's money ... im a beast , i admit , and im sorry to be a burden to all . All i can do now is to try being less useless ... which is useless ...
Maybe im the only child , thats why i dun really like to share things . Honestly , i dun have the habit to share things ... but im actually very willing to . However , when i have an ordeal with someone , i'll be too unhappy to work or share with this person again .
This is a new computer , i mind u all , and today something happened to it . I dun wish to change everything , and turn my back against all . Im serious , from now on , i want a personal life . U guys came and ruined life for me for 2 years already , and its obvious that im not even one bit happy about that . Ive shown and thrown my temper , showing my anger and wrath , before , and i know u guys know how scary i can be when im mad . Im someone with not much temper , but when it comes , its extreme , i repeat , extreme .
Look , i hate people who are like that ... they dunno how to look at things in different views . I didnt even start a quarrel ... yet someone just started this cold war herself . Look , its stupid , and i hate that . I hate girls who act cute , it really turns me off ... to my limits ... i cannot handle girls who are weird , moody and just totally weird ! Look , get out of life if u want ... though its a very small case ... to me , i prefer to look further to what might happen in the future between us . Get out ...
People will not take care of your things like how u treat your stuffs . I treat my precious like my life , but people dun , because its not their's .
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
Evolution
A human body must first be healthy to do anything they want to do . However , if the mind is not healthy , or corrupted , its useless that they do anything , for that all they did will lack of morale and justice . People who has the brains but they prefer to use it for themselves and not for the sake of others , are useless , as their brain is a waste . Many people are like that ... they have what it takes for a saint , but they tend to use it for injustice , finding loopholes in laws , manipulating minds and corrupting others . Its a waste to have people like that , who make this world a chaotic place . I want to make this a better place , where people live amongst themselves , different race , adapting different cultures , and sharing all they have together . However , riots and fueds are created by those who are usually smarter , they know how to brainwash their people , into war . No matter how lovely a paradise is given to us , it'll be utterly useless if it is polluted by unwanted mites and parasites . When will war cease , and when will justice really fall upon us .
Soon , silence will shadow over . And , it is the day when all mankind is perished from the surface of the world . Thus , fallowing this planet for another population that will soon be created after many million years of evolution . Revolution ... A celebration for the destruction of mankind , by themselves . The beginning of the world , will be peaceful , but after years and years , things will change , and soon again , not long , it will fall under the curse of mankind . History will repeat it self again . Bones of human will be assembled for exhibition , and dinosaurs will be misunderstood as creatures that existed with human . There will be another rise of a new influential religion . Will the believe of God happen again ? WIll history really repeat itself ? Is it a time lapse ? Then , things will just keep repeating forever , we dunno . Or am i just thinking too much ... must be .
Soon , silence will shadow over . And , it is the day when all mankind is perished from the surface of the world . Thus , fallowing this planet for another population that will soon be created after many million years of evolution . Revolution ... A celebration for the destruction of mankind , by themselves . The beginning of the world , will be peaceful , but after years and years , things will change , and soon again , not long , it will fall under the curse of mankind . History will repeat it self again . Bones of human will be assembled for exhibition , and dinosaurs will be misunderstood as creatures that existed with human . There will be another rise of a new influential religion . Will the believe of God happen again ? WIll history really repeat itself ? Is it a time lapse ? Then , things will just keep repeating forever , we dunno . Or am i just thinking too much ... must be .
Monday, August 15, 2005
Back To Reality
Sometimes ... saying something is easier than doing it . Action speaks louder than words , this i must agree with . Though sometimes we really tell ourselves to do something , to be committed in something . To ensure that we keep out own promises , we tend to make empty promises to ourselves , just to cheat or console our own conscience . However , the truth is that we might or might not know that we will not be so committed to it . We try , we fail , we stop . We are decieving ourselves ... most of the time ...
That day i was practicing Pipa outside , along the pavements , facing the window , because its too cold . So , im actually not practicing in the practice rooms , meaning people who walk pass can hear what im playing . Then someone came ... he plays the Dizi , i didnt recognize him . He is very friendly , he came forward and asked if i remembered him ... then after some hesitation , i refreshed and i remembered i saw him in SPCO before . He was there to have his lesson with Zhan YongMing , the Dizi master ... After him next , was Zhan YongMing himself . He came and he asked from whom i learned the Pipa from ... Next , i met QingLun , the Dizi player in SYCO . He was having lesson with Zhan too . We met , we chatted about NAFA ... and him considering coming to NAFA ... hes very friendly , very nice . However , sometimes being nice is an actual hiding of one's own bad character , but QingLun seemed very decent ... When i went home , i met Zhan again in the lift . He smiled to me and he said something like i am very natural , and very comfortable with music , then he asked whether i like Chinese Music .
After seeing , witnessing , so many different types of masks , u wouldnt be very sure whether the person in front of u is wearing one or not . Masks dun just appear like it was in the past . Nowadays , masks are so unique , so controversial and so far more absract . I know plenty of people who wear masks . I must admit i do wear masks often too . The masks i wore , doesnt advantage to myself , it helps others somehow , sometimes . However , a mask is definitely neccessary when i meet someone who also wears one . Plenty ... i dun wish to point fingers again ... but u can expect who are my same few targets after reading so many of my other blog entries ... i shouldnt say too much ... i'll stop here ...
Things people say are like music sometimes . Pleasant phrases , making beautiful melodies in music . Sweet and gentle , making colourful tone quality . However , like the opposite of things , there are crashes of harmony , cacophony and even heavy accented notes , it makes music interesting ... somehow , sometimes .
I have no idea why people have to judge others by their physical attributions . I believe in inner beauty , but sometimes the physical attribution should be there . I expect some basics to be present ... though how nice somebody is ... usually they'll be judged first based on impression . Therefore , its still important . However , should anyone know that person quite long enough , then i think they should judge him by his characters , instead of looks . We live in a very practical and ever-accelerating society , we must be realistic . Remember the topic of reality ? I mentioned it a long time ago in my past blog entries ... Though our morals tell us this or that , but its common sense of reality that proves everything wrong . Will u promote the girl with better looks while both obtained the same qualification ? Of course the better looking one gets the job ... its obvious . Its reality .
That day i was practicing Pipa outside , along the pavements , facing the window , because its too cold . So , im actually not practicing in the practice rooms , meaning people who walk pass can hear what im playing . Then someone came ... he plays the Dizi , i didnt recognize him . He is very friendly , he came forward and asked if i remembered him ... then after some hesitation , i refreshed and i remembered i saw him in SPCO before . He was there to have his lesson with Zhan YongMing , the Dizi master ... After him next , was Zhan YongMing himself . He came and he asked from whom i learned the Pipa from ... Next , i met QingLun , the Dizi player in SYCO . He was having lesson with Zhan too . We met , we chatted about NAFA ... and him considering coming to NAFA ... hes very friendly , very nice . However , sometimes being nice is an actual hiding of one's own bad character , but QingLun seemed very decent ... When i went home , i met Zhan again in the lift . He smiled to me and he said something like i am very natural , and very comfortable with music , then he asked whether i like Chinese Music .
After seeing , witnessing , so many different types of masks , u wouldnt be very sure whether the person in front of u is wearing one or not . Masks dun just appear like it was in the past . Nowadays , masks are so unique , so controversial and so far more absract . I know plenty of people who wear masks . I must admit i do wear masks often too . The masks i wore , doesnt advantage to myself , it helps others somehow , sometimes . However , a mask is definitely neccessary when i meet someone who also wears one . Plenty ... i dun wish to point fingers again ... but u can expect who are my same few targets after reading so many of my other blog entries ... i shouldnt say too much ... i'll stop here ...
Things people say are like music sometimes . Pleasant phrases , making beautiful melodies in music . Sweet and gentle , making colourful tone quality . However , like the opposite of things , there are crashes of harmony , cacophony and even heavy accented notes , it makes music interesting ... somehow , sometimes .
I have no idea why people have to judge others by their physical attributions . I believe in inner beauty , but sometimes the physical attribution should be there . I expect some basics to be present ... though how nice somebody is ... usually they'll be judged first based on impression . Therefore , its still important . However , should anyone know that person quite long enough , then i think they should judge him by his characters , instead of looks . We live in a very practical and ever-accelerating society , we must be realistic . Remember the topic of reality ? I mentioned it a long time ago in my past blog entries ... Though our morals tell us this or that , but its common sense of reality that proves everything wrong . Will u promote the girl with better looks while both obtained the same qualification ? Of course the better looking one gets the job ... its obvious . Its reality .
Sunday, August 14, 2005
Pleasure
Finally i can enjoy myself at home ... by playing games . Hopefully it wont affect my studies ... which i believe it wont ...
Now im so bored ... i also dunno what to do ... guess later i'll go back into my game . Have fun ...
I go write poetry ...
Now im so bored ... i also dunno what to do ... guess later i'll go back into my game . Have fun ...
I go write poetry ...
Friday, August 12, 2005
Enigma
My new computer has arrived ... and now i can do many things with it ! But i still cannot log on to the internet yet ... the guy is suppose to come today to do it ... but i forgot to tell my uncle my password , so the guy couldnt wait and he had to go ... he'll be back i think . I saved my drafts in my computer and i'll post it all here when im free .
Im in school ... and im feeling so bored . Im now listening to a CD , its new-age ... sounds techno . Christoven lend it to me ... its quite nice actually . He knows that i like to listen to such songs ... because he saw me buying and looking for this kinda songs ... but the one i bought wasnt nice at all ... now im listening to Enigma .
Have fun ...
Im in school ... and im feeling so bored . Im now listening to a CD , its new-age ... sounds techno . Christoven lend it to me ... its quite nice actually . He knows that i like to listen to such songs ... because he saw me buying and looking for this kinda songs ... but the one i bought wasnt nice at all ... now im listening to Enigma .
Have fun ...
Thursday, August 11, 2005
Horror
I feel that sometimes , the further u get away from ur enemies , the closer they'll get , somehow ... Things are not always revolving around u only , u know ? Dun think that the world there's only u , i know u said that once to me , but please , its obvious that it should apply on u , instead of me . We are not here to entertain or accompany u , or to make life easier for u . We are not toys . However , those who chose to play along and entertain them and make their lives more interesting , they are just rats , who follows the piper . If they are so elated to be one of their dull paint , for they so seldom use for a picture , then let it be ... let it be ...
What are my intentions of saying all that ? No intentions actually , no implication too ... just indirectly using lots or puns .
That horror girl in my class has stopped her dirty cruel messages already , and i feel so glad . Or ... maybe its tension building still ... then a final blow when the time is ripe . So after all ... its eventual ? This girl in my class claims that she is the most beautiful girl , with long hair too , and she claims that she love me . I really dun understand , which part of love does she actually understands at all ... ? Her definition of love should be of those who will murder then suicide just to be with someone together forever . This horrible girl in incorrigible . Her attitude is very bad , not only with a black heart , she has intentions and cruel ideas that she think its good for me , but actually its ruining my life . She wants me friendless , so that i'll only have her in my heart . That is simply childish . Anyway ... ive stored all her 75 messages in my phone . Yanya reported to Adams about this case already . I thought finally im in a nest full of my kind , but who knows ... there are always problems somewhere even when its the safest place to be . My friends , not just that horror , are turning weird too . Honestly , i shall not mention names , i dun really like this person too . Its just weird , the character , the behaviour , and the way this person stares at me or talk to me , i just dun feel very comfortable . Im starting to hate people in my class ... though some are funny , but sometimes its just too annoying and irritating . Not to mention the word 'mean' , this group just seem to love being mean to others , though not physically ... but sometimes psychologically or mentally ... or verbally . Vilifying others behind their backs ... However , i would love to always talk to Fhairil about his and my problems ... Sometimes , somethings are just meant to be said at that specific moment , then forgotten the next . I hate to see quarrels ... i must say that this place im in is totally too messy . Its chaotic due to the different type of people in class ... there are too many who arent the type that i am , or the type that we are . People who are too matured , impatient , bossy , boring and political ... or more ... These bunch just shouldnt mix . Its chaotic .
Im rushing with my work . Actually im quite surprised why im doing better than some who studied music ... or had their music education before . Maybe starting from fresh somehow has its advantages . Now i have my new computer , i assembled everything myself , i can many things . I can start to print my notes ... type and organise my notes . And even go online ... this time ... ive locked my computer ... nobody can use it . There are many things that one should have , without them , life in this era just wont seem right .
Yanyu says that im improving ... but i just dun feel it ... somehow i think something is missing ... somewhere ... somehow . Samuel invited me to his booklaunch , so exciting ... but dunno who i'll be seeing there ... hopefully not that bunch . Im going to play a duet with YouGuo soon after he comes back from his competition in HongKong . Stress ... not him ... but me . Hope that he will be patient ...
I really dunno what to do now . I need a proper time management . Im passing each day has it comes . I need serious planning for my time ... im losing time if it keeps on going like that ... Theres sure a way that i can start being organised . A new bag , computer ... that really helped alot already . Ive even made my own address book in the computer for all my friends numbers and stuff ...
That April still havent called me ... is she gonna make me sign the contract or not !? Wasting my time ...
What are my intentions of saying all that ? No intentions actually , no implication too ... just indirectly using lots or puns .
That horror girl in my class has stopped her dirty cruel messages already , and i feel so glad . Or ... maybe its tension building still ... then a final blow when the time is ripe . So after all ... its eventual ? This girl in my class claims that she is the most beautiful girl , with long hair too , and she claims that she love me . I really dun understand , which part of love does she actually understands at all ... ? Her definition of love should be of those who will murder then suicide just to be with someone together forever . This horrible girl in incorrigible . Her attitude is very bad , not only with a black heart , she has intentions and cruel ideas that she think its good for me , but actually its ruining my life . She wants me friendless , so that i'll only have her in my heart . That is simply childish . Anyway ... ive stored all her 75 messages in my phone . Yanya reported to Adams about this case already . I thought finally im in a nest full of my kind , but who knows ... there are always problems somewhere even when its the safest place to be . My friends , not just that horror , are turning weird too . Honestly , i shall not mention names , i dun really like this person too . Its just weird , the character , the behaviour , and the way this person stares at me or talk to me , i just dun feel very comfortable . Im starting to hate people in my class ... though some are funny , but sometimes its just too annoying and irritating . Not to mention the word 'mean' , this group just seem to love being mean to others , though not physically ... but sometimes psychologically or mentally ... or verbally . Vilifying others behind their backs ... However , i would love to always talk to Fhairil about his and my problems ... Sometimes , somethings are just meant to be said at that specific moment , then forgotten the next . I hate to see quarrels ... i must say that this place im in is totally too messy . Its chaotic due to the different type of people in class ... there are too many who arent the type that i am , or the type that we are . People who are too matured , impatient , bossy , boring and political ... or more ... These bunch just shouldnt mix . Its chaotic .
Im rushing with my work . Actually im quite surprised why im doing better than some who studied music ... or had their music education before . Maybe starting from fresh somehow has its advantages . Now i have my new computer , i assembled everything myself , i can many things . I can start to print my notes ... type and organise my notes . And even go online ... this time ... ive locked my computer ... nobody can use it . There are many things that one should have , without them , life in this era just wont seem right .
Yanyu says that im improving ... but i just dun feel it ... somehow i think something is missing ... somewhere ... somehow . Samuel invited me to his booklaunch , so exciting ... but dunno who i'll be seeing there ... hopefully not that bunch . Im going to play a duet with YouGuo soon after he comes back from his competition in HongKong . Stress ... not him ... but me . Hope that he will be patient ...
I really dunno what to do now . I need a proper time management . Im passing each day has it comes . I need serious planning for my time ... im losing time if it keeps on going like that ... Theres sure a way that i can start being organised . A new bag , computer ... that really helped alot already . Ive even made my own address book in the computer for all my friends numbers and stuff ...
That April still havent called me ... is she gonna make me sign the contract or not !? Wasting my time ...
Friday, August 05, 2005
Save The Money
Today's the earliest ive come to school . I woke up at 6 today ... because i wanted to rush to school to do my ear-training ...
Im addicted to Celine Dion now ... yesterday i played it in computer lab ... everyone told me to on it louder and stuff ...
Im now very poor ... cannot anyhow spend money nowadays ... my cash flow is running dry already ... when will i collect my pay ?
Today's gonna be a tough weekend ... let's pray .
Im addicted to Celine Dion now ... yesterday i played it in computer lab ... everyone told me to on it louder and stuff ...
Im now very poor ... cannot anyhow spend money nowadays ... my cash flow is running dry already ... when will i collect my pay ?
Today's gonna be a tough weekend ... let's pray .
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
Chasing Time
So many homework , so little time . I have so much that i havent done ...
The new computer is here , but ive to fix it myself ... which is a big problem for me , because im a computer idiot . However , there are some other issues why i dun wanna fix the computer yet ... because i have so many things in the old computer that i wanna transfer over , but ... i dunno how ... the thumbdrive dun work if im not wrong ... die ...
Now i have to go copy YanYa's work ... before that i called YanYu accidentally , because their names so close !!!
Rushing now ...
The new computer is here , but ive to fix it myself ... which is a big problem for me , because im a computer idiot . However , there are some other issues why i dun wanna fix the computer yet ... because i have so many things in the old computer that i wanna transfer over , but ... i dunno how ... the thumbdrive dun work if im not wrong ... die ...
Now i have to go copy YanYa's work ... before that i called YanYu accidentally , because their names so close !!!
Rushing now ...
Monday, August 01, 2005
Thunder Cloud
Things are different now . Sometimes i just dunno whether who are my friends and who arent , but now i know ... Some people are just 2-faced . I'll be honest ... if ur wondering who im talking about , its u , Kenny .
Some people claim that they have no time to be committed to one thing . However yet , they can manage to commit themselves to other orchestras and stuff outside . Now , just using CSCO for his own identity . He seriously dun deserve that kinda treatment . If studies is an excuse , then i dun see why he can perform with outside , so actively with another orchestra . Dun tell me that other orchestras outside dun take up time . Nonsense ... And if ur curious who im talking about ... its JonathanNgeow SiMin ! Jon , u suck . Pathetic ...
YanYu and i will start our new system of training soon ... and its gonna be tough , i gotto admit . She warned me too ... Im seriously wasting too much time already . No regrets though , because after this , i believe i can start playing ... From Sec 1 till 4 , ive seriously wasted my time playing and idling away with the Pipa , by right i should be attached to a teacher and study under him or her ... but ive no money ... and my mom doesnt support me in music ... Now im in NAFA , she has no choice ... and now ive to start making decisions for myself . I play music for the sake of my love for music , not for competition . I think some teachers , specificly , has some problems in their character and attitude , they tend to make their students to competitive and too arrogant and over-confident . Though being competitive is nothing wrong ... but the mindsets of these children arent matured enough to really understand what it really means , therefore resulting in this kinda behaviours . Witch woman ...
Im now really angry , though many things arent my business to care , but im just really fed up at how people run this world . Its screwed up , chaotic and really fucked up . Fuckers everywhere trying to get their names on everyone's list , trying to prove themselves to be so-called professionals . Please ... if u cannot do something well and u know it , dun try to fake things and hide all ur flaws . Who am i refering to ... ? Everyone knows best ... The favourite black cat of the wicked witch ...
This world is corrupted . Does the end of the world really mean that the world will end ? Or will the end be caused by human themselves ? I think its the latter ... This world is not coming to an end , but humans are driving humans up against the wall . Even a peaceful paradise has been deafeated of its purpose . Corruption as taken over , all over ... Music , an utopia where people express their emotions , a place where people seek for ... but is now taken over by dark clouds and stormy seas somewhere over the greyish horizon .
I'll not point fingers and mention too many names , some are just too famous and everyone should know . Kenny and Jonathan , a perfect match , that i should really spill my frustration upon . Thats it . I'll stop , for now .
Some people claim that they have no time to be committed to one thing . However yet , they can manage to commit themselves to other orchestras and stuff outside . Now , just using CSCO for his own identity . He seriously dun deserve that kinda treatment . If studies is an excuse , then i dun see why he can perform with outside , so actively with another orchestra . Dun tell me that other orchestras outside dun take up time . Nonsense ... And if ur curious who im talking about ... its JonathanNgeow SiMin ! Jon , u suck . Pathetic ...
YanYu and i will start our new system of training soon ... and its gonna be tough , i gotto admit . She warned me too ... Im seriously wasting too much time already . No regrets though , because after this , i believe i can start playing ... From Sec 1 till 4 , ive seriously wasted my time playing and idling away with the Pipa , by right i should be attached to a teacher and study under him or her ... but ive no money ... and my mom doesnt support me in music ... Now im in NAFA , she has no choice ... and now ive to start making decisions for myself . I play music for the sake of my love for music , not for competition . I think some teachers , specificly , has some problems in their character and attitude , they tend to make their students to competitive and too arrogant and over-confident . Though being competitive is nothing wrong ... but the mindsets of these children arent matured enough to really understand what it really means , therefore resulting in this kinda behaviours . Witch woman ...
Im now really angry , though many things arent my business to care , but im just really fed up at how people run this world . Its screwed up , chaotic and really fucked up . Fuckers everywhere trying to get their names on everyone's list , trying to prove themselves to be so-called professionals . Please ... if u cannot do something well and u know it , dun try to fake things and hide all ur flaws . Who am i refering to ... ? Everyone knows best ... The favourite black cat of the wicked witch ...
This world is corrupted . Does the end of the world really mean that the world will end ? Or will the end be caused by human themselves ? I think its the latter ... This world is not coming to an end , but humans are driving humans up against the wall . Even a peaceful paradise has been deafeated of its purpose . Corruption as taken over , all over ... Music , an utopia where people express their emotions , a place where people seek for ... but is now taken over by dark clouds and stormy seas somewhere over the greyish horizon .
I'll not point fingers and mention too many names , some are just too famous and everyone should know . Kenny and Jonathan , a perfect match , that i should really spill my frustration upon . Thats it . I'll stop , for now .
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