Overtaxed

Emotionally tired.

These few days, im sorting out my thoughts and emotions. It seems to me that i might have overthought or over-reacted in several ways. Somehow, i think the line that should have been drawn clearly from the start has faded into dust. This chalk of friendship draws a perfect line, but wheneva one or another crosses over, something unpredictable will take place. Of course, who wouldnt wish for that consequence to be positive. But, reality always stays out of the television. The screen, thats where fiction lies, but in our world, there are no music at the background, no romantic story lines that'll pull through merely 2 hours. Not as dreamy as the movies get, in ur world, which is mine, everything flies slowly, painfully and eternally. No happy everafter princesses, its time for a wake up call.

Im not sure, probably we do not treat one another equally. U know, its impossible to get equal treatment even in Singapore. What makes friendship, relationship or courtship or Titanic any exception? Well, i must admit though that i know what im doing is wrong and probably hurtful on my side, i cant help it! U know its human instincts, or i should say that its embedded deep inside our genes. Its what makes us us! Read that again. Its what makes us us! I know u wont read it, so i typed it out for u to read again. My point is, though we know that we have bad habits, we just cant help it. Somehow, this knowledge of being able to percieve right and wrong does not infuse together with our brain that its what we are doing, or not. People stay away from jumping off the building, because they're afraid and they dun wish to, its not because they know its wrong. I think theres abit of this and that, its a welter of all these debatable things. Well, im not gonna touch on it any further, i'll rest the case here.

Physically tired.

These few weeks, ive been traveling about. I take the train myself, the bus and fortunately, sometimes my Mom fetches me to school. Well, carrying the Pipa is one heavy duty chore for me. How i wish i had played the flute, fiddle, recorder, one-hole one inche pipe, or whateva! But im glad i started out with the Pipa, which enabled me to stand out for a period. I must admit where im standing and where im heading. My time is up, and its not even a golden age of my performance. I have to see it that it'll never come. Therefore, ive shifted my attention to something else now, which my teacher has shone some light for my path. He is my guide, my lamp and my shelter. For now, ive a new glow to reach for. Im like a wandering fly, flittering from lamps to lamps. How i wish im a butterfly though. Despite so, i bet i'll become a moth instead. I better be glad that im a fly then! This leads me on to another burden to care for.

I managed to complete my history work finally! Im so happy, i almost wanted to congratulate myself by calling myself on the phone. Well, i sent an email to DrTan, asking if my resume on ChenYi is acceptable. She said its alright to continue, thus i completed my other resume on ToruTakemitsu. He is the most troublesome crap on earth! He had so much accomplishments in his life! So many pieces with wierd names, Japanese, English and all. I had to type all that amount of crap! I had to go through his dateline, which is definitely longer than ChenYi obviously, because he is a dead man! ChenYi's was hard enough, and i didnt expect ToruTakemitsu to do this to me. How could he?

Well, im shagged. U know, typing is tedious work for the tendons. Im so tired, stressed and even now, after completing, im undergoing post-completion stress. And moreover, while doing work, often i would have MSN nudges and stupid questions coming about. Its not irritating, but at times when i put myself as 'busy', which seldom occurs at all, i really mean to be cast into solitude and left alone forever till im done.

Psychologically tired.

So many of these problems, such as work, friendship, peers, activities, gossips and politics, are driving me up against the wall. If im a dog, i can jump over. Too bad... But good thing im not, or else i'll never be able to learn how to cope with such distress. Anyway, im vulnerable these few weeks, due to such psychological wounds. I must admit that ive been on a bad mood, flaunting my black face. But come on, u guys seldom see it, its rare and precious thus for times like this. I must apologise to people like SiHan, Christoven, Mark, QingLun and whoeva else who i might have offended, even though i think im right even if i did, and please forgive and forget. Thats what u guys should do, though i think im still right! I dun do forgiveness, its not my thing.

Im so joking! Well, lets just let it go.

Musically tired.

My ideas are running dry. Somehow, we have to replenish our music well. In us, there is this well, where it contains all the musical exposure, knowledge, experience and ideas. For me, ive been rather preoccupied with my personal life, so much so that ive been neglecting musical activities around me. CSCO is taking a break now, because SCO is currently in China. And Mike Chiang is getting the permit from the composer for my concerto. Now, im kinda giving up hope on the concerto, because im afraid. I got to be honest with u guys, my performance has been rather down the drain and deep into the canal and finally into the reservoire. Its gone. I cant find the mood to practice, or i cant find the right mood to do anything related to music. I think ive been into music for too long... i should take a break and head for something else. U know, ive been studying other things just a few months back, and the main purpose is actually to break free away from music. I ventured into the studies of human behaviour, body language, talk language, bits and pieces of psychology and now im reading about human relations. Even so, i still find myself emotionally attached with music, and i seriously need a break. I wanna go to Antartica alone. I wanna hunt polarbears and i wanna cook my own seal stew. How i wish...

Mentally tired.

U know whats in my head now? Words, words and trains of words. Almost like Elmo singing the alphabet song non-stop for a medley 24 hours a day. Make it 25! After completing my history portfolio, my mind is constantly talking to itself, reflecting and evaluating sentences and ideas critically from the internet and books. The problem is that, everything in the internet is so disorganised! I hope by typing, i can strenghten my tendons... because im feeling some physical stress now. Anyway, ive to browse all over the internet, combine ideas and sentences, and finally finding and sorting out sentences to make sure all the facts are there. Somehow, now to think of it, its not plagiarism as long as i credit them! I better not think of anymore loopholes... im mentally tired man.

Aurally tired.

My teacher passed me a few records. They're pretty cool, with pieces of Beethoven and Mozart. They're symphonies, because they're particularly more colourful and stuff. So, after listening to Mozart. I hated it! It makes me feel stupid. Im drawn to Beethoven's musical coloration, which leans slightly towards the dark side. Its serious, emotional and it reflects much of himself in his music. Mozart has that trait too, thats why its so stupid! Im aurally tired, i cant hear anything anymore. My mind is busy talking, and my ears are busy listening. But what goes through my ears comes out from the other side, or sometimes the nose, i just cant remember what ive heard! I need to refresh myself. In fact, for today, i did not open any music to go along with my typing concerto. So, today, its just me, the player, typing the keyboard, which is the instrument, for a solo typing piece. It goes like... tap... tap tap tap tap... tap and tap. Its minimalistic and it has a 10 hour duration.

Blogally tired.

I dunno what that means. But i think im tired of blogging. Goodnight people!