Be Liable

Im sure many of u felt this way before.

Its like moving ur household goods, getting into a new apartment and u just dunno where to begin! So, u unpack ur furniture, without the knowledge of the measurements, u move them and try to place them accordingly as before. Despite the effort, it'll never work this way ever again. U breakdown, because u feel frustrated for not having work done and u just dunno who to turn to. Dun u just wanna move back home?

Well, thats the chagrin im feeling now. Theres not much choice, i have to swallow that bitter pill sooner or later, why not lets just make it now. Im so grateful for LuHeng's help with my new Finale07. He made me a copy, and i felt kinda worried because im afraid i was adding errands into his bursting list of work to do. He seems so busy, u know what im saying? Anyway, i installed the programme an hour ago.

An hour ago, i tried creating a score. A few minutes ago, i was still trying to create a score. Now, i have not created a score, but i closed the programme. A very productive hour, i know.

Sometimes, u lay perfect plan mentally, but in reality there are just so many unexpected blockades. Whispering to myself a comfort, i just cannot believe how technology has replaced most of chore. Moreover, it has raised the demands and check marks of society. I look at my new pet, i cannot bring myself to smile at it. I think it is less cute than anything ive seen. Well, i think time will fill the gap between us.

Theres nothing that interests me now except for books. I love reading enriching studies. Its the creative writing, and way of approach which creates the spark in me. When i flip the pages, i'll usually look out for diagrams, columns, headings and subpoints. I like writings which differ from the boring essays, which the style of writing and categorising is so overused. I want something more tasty, which builds the hunger in me to eat the words up. Ive read bland writings, and it barely triggered any of my senses. I'll apply oneself usually only if the book has an addictive smell to it. Or else, it'll never bring to me hit the books. Im not being literal here, but the style and format which the author cleverly uses makes a huge difference in my preferences, as it depends much on how the writing articulates to the readers. The format is like an additive to writing styles. Its the overall punctuation in reading i guess.

Im so eager to start reading my new books. Ive placed them beside my bed, along with the other books ive read. Many people do wish to borrow my books, but there are reasons why i dun wish to lend it out. Firstly, it applies not only to my books, it stretches from my CDs to money. Why? If u were asked to lend something most precious to u, would u? Should i be asked, i'll be happy to lend, trusting that it'll be returned. Entrusting somebody with something is a huge placement of faith. I would hope that they, those who borrowed, to treat whateva it is with respect and great care, thus returning it back to me, on a promised date, in one piece. U see, i do appreciate those who'll promise a date. Back in Australia, Koen, from NanyangPoly, borrowed $34 from me. He did promise me that he'll return me in cash when we're back in Singapore. Well, ive been back for a few months. Im not claiming that hes not planning to return. But with that trust, i think its a priviledge, and not an entitlement, that im willing to loan. Therefore, please be initiative and return me my money. Jonathan, who borrowed money from me back then, lost totally all trust or even worthiness. Some may already have been told about the incident. Well, i did ask him back for my money, but look, theres a difference. I told him, if he wants to pay me back, he'll pay me exactly on a specified date, without his abundant excuses. On that day, he failed to bring my money, so i told him, its either he pays up by borrowing from someone else, or he can just forget about paying me back. Spot that? Im fine with him not returning! The gist about loaning aint about the material, its about the trust. But, it has been abused over and over again. Terms of friendship or relationship does not apply. Jonathan and i used to be friends. Ive overestimated his character. Now, he is a schoolmate of mine in NAFA.

That is the first case study. So what if ur my best friend? If uve earned enough of my trust through tough times, im sure to consider about lending things. But, ive promised myself, an oath, to be strict with my own principles. No more bending of rules here. I should stick closely with what ive preached, therefore, it leads to my second reason.

Secondly, im a goldfish. Im forgetful, people who remembers took good use of the chance to plunder from me. Theif, if ur one of them, dun feel guilty, because i dun even know who u are. If u were to admit to me, i wont say that i'll not be angry. But at least, theres a higher chance of forgiveness. Come on, i'll be honest, those who say that they wont flare up would usually ablaze after realising the truth. Uve heard enough of those lies when u were young, havent u? I did.

Thirdly, i spend because i pamper myself with things that i love. Previously, i was a CD addict. Now, books. My love for recordings and buying them makes me proud of owning a huge collection of CDs. U see, thats why i dun borrow those books from the library. Well, i could! Why not? However, the feel of owning them is different. Borrowing makes one feel indebted. Its either to be obligated to repay a monetary loan, or tied down with terms and conditions which would have to be fulfilled eventually. I never liked having something which is not totally mine. In fact, ask urself, what is totally urs? Well, we're children of our parents, therefore, many things were bought with their money. But, consider it this way, something which u bought with ur own money which u earned through ur own very effort. Dun be such a pain in the ass to find loopholes here.

Alright, lets cut the chase, i havent touched out the main reason yet. I had people coming up to me to borrow my CDs, and some even wanted the whole collection to burn or rip. Its because im a friend, i'll feel bad rejecting, therefore i procrastinate. By deferring, im hoping for forgetfulness to settle in. People are apt to forget, after a period of time, certain things that does not matter much to them. Though they may claim that its important to them in any way, its actually not. Im betraying myself when i lend out these precious things. When people ask for my DVDs, im more than willing to display them on a table and sell them illegally. But when it comes to other things, lets be honest here, im really not willing.

I know, u may think that im selfish. Look at it this way, its very hard for u to ask for ur teacher to lend u their own personal instrument. Its possible, because YanYu lent me her's during my competition. The key point is, even though how close we may be, my trust for everybody has been abused over and over. Its useless to convince me, because im fixed in my mind. Nobody will ever take care of anything that doesnt belong to them. They dun even take care of their own belongings! When its damaged, they have nobody else to blame, therefore its alright. But, when it comes to somebody else's property, how are u going to pay for the damages? Some damages are just minor, but its the trust thats mostly bruised, not the ego. And if u were to compensate in terms of cash, as a friend, who would accept that? Its not nice.

Therefore, to avoid all sort of scenarios, its best not to borrow anything from ur friends, unless ur very certain that u'll be able to return it immediately or on a given date. Be responsible, not untrustworthy.

LimChooLi wants my Finale07. Im impressed that shes rather updated. She told me about this tabletPC. Alright! I might be a cave turtle when it comes to IT, i think its good to know such things, but not a necessity. It'll be a workload off the shoulder if i were to know such technology, its no wonder people like Rit and Moses attends IT fairs. Well, we chatted, and exchanged stories. I'll get someone, not LuHeng, because i'll feel heavy with guilt, to help me create another copy so that LimChooLi can have one copy too. In the end, everybody is happy.

Im not! Im still stuck with Finale07, its like so depressing, because all of skills with Noteworthy has been wasted, and i studied Sibelius3 at school. Now, they're using Sibelius4 already. How sad! Its impossible to catch up with the ever going technology. The advances in fashion and such industries are just progressing too rapidly. Everyday, theres a difference from the day before. We wake up to find ourselves in a new world.

Its a sad tomorrow. As i delay, im lagging behind day by day. So, if i dun sleep, i'll be behind time for 2 days, because i'll require a day rest, plus another 6 to 8 hours which i skipped. No wonder Beethoven went deaf.