Bounded

A few days of sleepless nights has worn me much of my physical strength. I was being strapped by ropes which had dug deep gouges into my skin where blood coated my entire arm. Stripped from all comfort, i am to be left weathered and to die. Poised between an unconscience state, i knew that no sleep will ever befall me ever from where i am hanging. I was desperate for relief. Take me away, let me be joined with the others who has sacrificed under such fate. Take me with u, bear me with the wind.

Despite much that ive been through, i do not believe that with my scarred body and wrinkled face i have grown out a man of myself. In shocking reality, much to my despair, im a boy trapped in time from my aging body. My mind has been whipped incessantly with emotional fears and worries often enough that my only nemesis left in this world is my pessimism. My adversary, my guide and my only friend turns out to be my enemy.

I have locked myself away in padded rooms. Filled my visions with thoughts of mercy killing, self-immolation and sorts. Fed with a farrago of hatred and disgust, the urge of putting out my own misery send tears down my cheeks. At times, i dig my nails deep into the metal earth. Seeking to create an exit out of my emotional ambush, yet undoubtedly seeming impossible with the metal surfaces as smooth as before. Bleeding from my efforts, i have often resolved to deafen myself with the impounding silence. It confines me at a corner. Its fingers, dark and cunning, quietly enwrapping me in my nightmare of thoughts. Trapped within myself, hungrily seeking a way out, i lay at a corner with empty eyes staring into space. Emotionless, i stare deep into the air, as if into a place beyond the reaches of sight. As if to cut a piece of the void from where i laid.

My presence and my existence seems of no importance to anybody. My disappearance created no shroud of mystery. In a matter of fact, it seems inevitable. It has grown from an issue of awe to a wont. The truth is anything else but. I have withdrawn myself from society both spiritually and emotionally. Physically present at times, ocassionally mentally on a voyage hunting for answers to my questions. Oblivious to anybody's awareness, i retreated into the engulfing darkness which promises rest for the heavy laden.

Tricked. A fool who sets foot in uncharted ground with nothing eventually goes astray. Eventually, dies. Far-off from where i had come from, i am lost and misled blindly into the shadows. Deeper into the unmapped, i become solitary and helpless. I am cut off from all help. The silence frustrates me. I was left with myself to talk to. And that is the most dangerous moment when loneliness conquers over u.

Hearing my own defeat, i refused to believe so despite my attempt to cover my ears. To no avail, my voice rang deep inside my head, occupying my mind and leading my thoughts with plainly one duty. To torture myself, i thought. I walked the lightless path. Aimlessly, my surrounding never changes, and it seemed that i might possibly be walking in circles. When all things seem to fail, miracles do find its way into ur heart. Hopes dashed before my eyes, knowing that nothing can save me from my fate, it seemed almost impossible that i saw that i saw. Seemingly deceptive, probably a mirage. I hastened my pace.

I found an empty wall. Cropped out of the middle of nowhere. Curious as i was, i laid my hands on it. The surface rippled like a stone thrown to disturb the calm water surface. I realised then what i must do, though still mentally unsound and unaware of consequences. I couldnt care less. I stuck my head slowly through the wall, fearing that i might be suffocated from what may be at the other side. From behind, the wall appears to be solid hard as my fingers grip hard against its face.

I could not rub away the shock from my face. I was looking through the wall into my own bedroom. I was home. I stepped through and landed just beside my bed. The wall behind me closed shut like a healing wound. Soon, there was no evidence that anything ever happened in the room. I was still recovering in shock when i realised that things were slightly different. I glanced through the room and believed that i might be in the past. A few photos and books gave hints so. Only through the wall i found a place of belonging, but not of the present. It did not matter any longer, for that i needed rest.

Soon, what i stepped across was more than i could bargain for. A cloaked form, concealed behind its hoods, came to me during my sleep. He woke me and persuaded me with his soft voice to follow him. Still shaking off the sleepiness, i got to my feet and felt myself dragged across the floor with no friction upon my feet. Strangely, i found warmth in his words. When we reached a larger chamber down a flight of stairs, he turned around to face me. I could sense eyes staring at me behind his cowl. It felt as it i was torn apart through and through. His gaze fixed upon me and stirred an uneasiness which caused the world around me to swirl.

I must have blacked out for some time. For how long, i could not tell. There was no windows which may suggest the time of day. There were candles laying about me which were never there before. Dimly lit, the figure has decided to left me hanging by ropes. I could not feel my arms, and every muscle ached with every slightest movement.

I have walked blindly into a trap which i lay now. Helplessly begging for my life to seep away into the night. As i lift my heads upward to stare skyward, i realised that the ceiling above me is made of glass. Through it, the stars shone and blinked dimly. Dwindling as my lids could no longer lift open my eyes. I close my eyes and wander off. I lick my dry lips to prevent it from cracking and sticking. I swallowed hard agains my parched throat. Deep inside, everything is churning.

'QingLun, you win' were the words i lipped before shutting myself off into the darkness. Shadows and shades swallowed me whole. I was left naked and bare.