Growing Weary

I wouldnt say that im shocked, neither surprised by both. I should say that, i think i need a break from the nonsense, and please let me recover from all those horrible drama. Poor acts, poor me. Whateva it is, stay this way for all i care, my hands are out of the water, washed clean.

U probably wont know this, because u lack the apprehension to care or to worry. But im telling u this, to get a splinter out of this wounded heart. Im feeling very down, and i cant believe how low i can get. Its like a bitter winter, biting on my dry lips, cracking on my skin. I'd enough of ur indifference. I seriously dun think im being overly demanding as a friend. Neither do i think that im over-reacting. Guess what, i know its not right to think this way, but lets face it... im always there, but u werent. Almost there aint there, its just to raise a smile on my disappointed face. Sometimes, i lock myself away from the world, from my social circle, just to listen to u. Even at times, i wait just for this blink of an eye, to just hear a few words before u disappear. Well, i guess im just too foolish... I cant believe how gullible i am. However, i cant deny that im amazed how similiar this scenario is as compared to those days in ACS. Those were the days, and this is the future... What does it hold? I really dun wish to count on it...

Ive been horribly busy. Just today, i had a full rehearsal for a performance tomorrow. It'll be held at a country club, and the soundcheck plus rehearsals are enough to drain all my physical strength. Imagine what, the mental torture was about to black me out. Tomorrow, ive to wear a coat during an outdoor performance. I guess the weather wont be that bad, but its the spotlights thats killing me. Moreover, the mass of sound coming from the airplanes from above was irritating me. It comes every few minutes, and i was there for at least 4 hours. Not forgetting the buffet, which tasted alright... and now, it seems that its causing some pain in my gums. I think i got a slight cut or something, im afraid of any infections. What should i do?

Moses called me the other day, asking about my solo for this charity concert. LaiWeng mentioned it once, a long time ago, and i almost forgot about it. Im not approached yet, and i think the concert is coming up this late August. Despite so, im still not receiving any news, im not sure whether its still on. If its going to be such a short notice, im afraid i might need to cancel it, or approach Sophy to do a duet together. Whateva it is, im not bothered, just somehow... bothered. Another thing that bothers me now would be choir on Monday. Ive not practiced the pieces, and im quite sure that i'll be chosen to sing... im kinda worried, i dunno why, but DrGoh seems to love picking on me these few days.

U wanna know what bothers me the most? What else, but ruthless poison from the tongue of wicked men. These gossips spread like wild fire, set loose upon the dry leaves. Its smoke rises and chokes the atmosphere with pollution and waste. Im not sure whether its killing yet, but im sure its already toxicating my life. Actually, im not really sure whether theres a source for these gossips, but somehow... if there werent any around me, im sure my predicament wouldnt turn out like this today. One of such, would be obviously my dear friend, who stabs his own friends behind their back everytime. Come on, if u can gossip about ur own friends infront of me, im sure theres more to say behind mine, not to mention also the large surface area behind my back to stab. Im joking, but im serious. Another confident source would of course be a miser, who tilts his head high up and walks with his nose. Such an arrogant freak has already killed himself by being himself. Whateva happens to him, its none of my business, and i think he's already quite dead. As they always say, its impossible to get rid of a cockroach. He lives, within his own domain. Lastly, a group of weakminded people who listens to every word their preacher has to say. I just cant stop it, but to curse them for their weak goblin minds. Come on, be smarter, know ur host, ur own friends more than i do, please. For the sake of shit donkeys, why cant u guys be more aware of ur own surroundings? And where is the trust? I dunno, but im beginning to despise u... though i once admired u the most. A statue on my altar has been crushed into pieces, im finding new hope within another idol. Be gone for good...

Am i stupid? Please tell me i am. I just cant find the route to a good healthy friendship. I guess its a musician thingi? Well, i look around and i witness many similiar factors which are affecting my life as well as others. Some elements are unavoidable, but some are just self attracting. So, i seek these problems myself? Im at fault for my problems? Im sure i am. Thats why there are too much to regret, but yet more to learn from.

I dun wish this to end, neither to i hope to continue. I think its time for a break. Everybody needs a holiday, or some time away from each other.