Hold On

We've been having war so often. It happens that im always first to get shot. Ur merciless firing had me ended up in wounds that left memorable scars. I dun wish to tell the world that i care too much for myself that our problem doesnt bother me. But please, teach me how not to? I beg u so. U know what hurts the most? Its the intrinsic value that it holds. Vilifying, thats what im accustomed to already. Ur known to have a fortified character, thats what i worry most though i feel at times exposed at the front lines, behind a blockade. Sometimes, ur just too vituperative for me to manage, but mostly, ur like a gift that fell from the clouds. Im thankful, but yet it seems to me that times running short. It'll be most devastating to imagine that u might indeed turn out to become the last straw on my back. The burden is heavy, but yet the best is yet to be. The best, indeed.

Ive been biting hard with my schedule, though ive failed to plan my practicing slots properly. Being diligent aint my forte, if i should fail to brush up my socks, it might turn out to be the last and final chance to. Im getting out of NAFA soon, and what other woes would i have other than to get out in piece and in peace. My Mom has never forced me to do anything against my will, but she has driven me once with her expectations. She realised early that it'll never work. I'll rebel and i'll refuse to excel, and she managed to foresee such consequences with drilling exercises. Im how i am today, thankfully to Mom's method of controlling me. I gained trust as early as 8, and soon... im equally independant as i am since then. Imagine, a kid that age with the ability to save money up to $70 plus. The only regret was being too careless, as a result, i lost my wallet at Ikea's toilet. How forgetful, and what a miser would steal a little boy's wallet! However, for the kind of money inside, its really a hole in my heart which filled the miser's own. I was rebuked badly, but from then... i knew how to save my money with my own bank account. I remembered that i frequently visited the banker, bringing as little as $7 each time to deposit. Its really a tickle to think of it now, but now... ive grown lazy. I can just sit my donkey ass on a sofa whole day, and yet refuses to go down to the bank to deposit my savings. I know that many of my friends are amazed how i get all my cash. Mark asked so often that i just cant recollect how many times. In fact, im supposed to have more, but my imbecile father threw all his money to that fucking slut, Jane. When i ponder deeper, the pit gets darker and darker... Its really a pain in my heart...

But what hurts more is our friendship. Ive been hurt once and over again. Im never shy, which explains why im always bitten. Well, 5 years ago, my ruler was broken, just a few days ago, my heart. Thats the past, now im putting much hope into ours. Probably ive put too many eggs in one basket. Explanations are excuses. They share similiar definitions now. I cannot imagine why.

Lets chuck them aside. Recently, im in love with DrTan's method of teaching. She's so adorable and its almost impossible to sleep in her lectures. I dunno why, but im usually working hard not to doze off, but now im wondering if i can even wander into dreamland. DrGoh's composition tutorials stressed quite a handful of people, who didnt fulfill their duty to go hunt for folk songs. U see, we're currently working towards a composition which features materials from folk songs. We're basing ourself with Bartok's words, and we'll be arranging choral folk songs according to solid materials from our own research about a folk song, and its origins. We're to pick a song thats related to us, either with our race or dialect. As for me, a lover for the Mongolian songs, i picked 'GaDaMeiLin', which is a very popular piece as a symphonic poem, also as a common folk song. Its melody is unforgettable and very moving. I fell in love with it when i first heard it, but i remembered once that an orchestra played it, and i immediately fell asleep instead of otherwise. Therefore, with the pushing and the stress, many came to me for last minute work. Despite getting through the first tutorial, some changed while some carried on with using my Pipa practices, which were based on folk melodies.

I researched in depth, and found much sources about my selected folk song. However, there're just too many versions, due to the cultural backgrounds and influences. The original Mongolian version is however, sadly, lost. Alright, its not, but i just cant find it anywhere! So, ive planned to use the Chinese version. The tutorial today was very interesting, because everybody got a chance to talk about their chosen folk songs. Its funny how some presented, and its interesting how some got their information. I had a good laugh, but whats more entertaining would be the previous class, DrTan's lecture on instrumental and vocal teaching. She talked about many grading systems available now. She then talked about grading exams and their roles and purposes. Everybody in class had to come up with an answer, and she'll elaborate it further, and its how amazing how she can drive us round a huge lake and end up again on the same spot we started off from. She's just amazing! I love her! Anyway, the first 2 answers took a really long time... and somehow, she landed off somewhere talking about her friend's dog, and how it got buried and many other wierd things...

I prepared my notes beforehand. On my way to school, i whipped out the notes and scanned through really quickly. I read the first line of every paragraph and roughly got the idea of what its about. Im amazing! I learnt that from DrKan, sometimes im forced to, so im well trained.

Jeremiah is leaving soon. Anyway, i caught up with the movies recently. The funniest thing would be 'TheSimpsons', obviously u should know why. And for the worst, 'KnockedUp'. Its totally crap. U know how movies are when they lack of music. More surprisingly, the language was thoroughly spoilt with the overdosage of vulgarities. Some parts were practically funny, and many were either lame or too fake to be comedic. Anyway, i didnt enjoy the latter. American humour is something that we should be well versed with, afterall we're all so americanised already. U know, its not that everybody wanna be American, but due to its smart ways of spreading cultural styles through their superb media, its inevitable that the world is americanising in some way or another.

Whateva it is, it has been a shattering week for me. Im picking up the pieces, but shedding tears aint for now. Im holding on...