Fumble

The dark shade fell through the crack. The reflection in the window reminded me of a mystery. My red bricked room sheltered me from all sources of light. Theres no escape, but only a prison which locks my mental state from liberty. In the comfort of my bed, binded with my blanket, i witnessed the changing hues of darkness from the empty piece of papers. They flew like autumn leaves from my coffee table. There, a stained cup, weighted with sorrow and agony pressed hard upon my suicide note. I havent found enough time to end off the last sentence. There, it laid, empty in the second half, merely probably still stuck in my mind. Theres too much to think. Endless trains of thoughts, running upon the track of my breaking nerves. Im going crazy, or mad as i may seem. Deem what may, im rooted that i need no help.

Hold on. Hold on to myself, because the rest is going to hurt like hell. What isit thats in me that refuses to believe? It is easier to seek for no truth than to, though im practicing none. The mad prophet and his tales tailed me back home. If ur out there, wont u hear me, though we've never talked before? My heart is leaving, and wont u take him when he comes to ur door? Now ur sleeping peaceful, i lie awake and pray that u'll be strong tomorrow and we'll see another day. At the crossroad i am standing, i just hope an answer will fall from above. I'll learn to love the light that brings a smile across ur face.

The burning torches, the bloody runes and the droning chants. Love is sacrificial, but yet it doesnt come with a guarantee. My glass is empty and its a hell of a long way home. Will u take me? Its no good to go alone. After all the bullshit ive heard, its refreshing not to see that i dun have to pretend that they dun expect it from me. All i need is an assurance. Its not the wind that cracked my shoulder and threw me to the ground. U know of what i speak, but ur shaken to the bone. I just dun understand, i deserves so much more than this...

Uve never been there as much as i stood by ur side. Its a disheartening realisation. It pains me to ignore what i see, but yet hurts me even more as i tell myself a lie loud enough to believe it. Nothing is simply good enough for u. Let me try, i'll be good to u. I'll show u why that ur so much more than good enough. Despite my efforts, will u even remember me?

Im falling into a trance. I hear deep voices calling. They sounded like music to my ears, but they muttered ungodly curses. The paper on the floor now sweeps across my empty room. My solitude, my seclusion and my sanity now lies in the hands of fate, a monster ive created. Its not my command, its not my call anymore. Its in ur hands, u give the shot this time. I'll do what i have to do, but u carry on with what u should do.

Broken hearted, i laid in my bed, consumed. Im gone... The mystery in the window brought about curiosity. I blinked, took in life, and got onto my feet. I turned, facing away from the tall oak door. Looking down from the window, the limited view of trees slowly grew out of sight across the horizon. I wiped the mist off the window, and planted a grin on my face.

It hung for a moment. However, it fell back into place when my vision was enchanted with ur presence. Dimly lit, the candle flame swayed with the unfriendly wind. The familiar coldness brought about warmth. I rubbed my eyes, forcing them open, i stared into the flicker.

I tilt my head slowly, and the sound of nothing varies with my movement. Theres just nothing to do, i can only think of u. Of course, and me. The last tear rolled off my cheeks, and i smiled.

Floral fields, a boundless prarie of peace and romance. Butterflies and hummingbirds, the misty spring morning and the cool evening zephyr. There, lying in the middle of nowhere, its u. Surprised, i ran towards u. I laughed at the sight of u smiling at me. I cried with joy and soon it grew into sorrow once again...

The distance between us grew further and further. The fear of committment and regrets of ur wrongdoings has brought this gap into our friendship. Standing on the edge of something much too deep, i cant get myself to wander off. Its funny how we feel so much, yet cant say a single word. Dun let ur love pass u by, but weep not for those memories.