General's Command

So, i have deproved. Not much of a surprise. I played for performance class today, and i realised myself only later that ive indeed lost touch with the Pipa! Over these 3 months, i think ive been a really bad boy. Well, im looking forward to my lesson with YanYu. I think she'll need to fix her jaw afterwards...

Its been a hell of a week. Not really busy, yet. There were a few things to be done, and im diligent enough to get them completed before its due. Im comfortable with the timeslots for this semester. I think its fixed quite well with my schedule, except currently for one, which aint about school. Im facing this problem of... i dunno how i should put it. But well, whateva it is, im just not really happy with it. More or less, disappointed. Nevermind, i managed to change my timeslot for counterpoint, so i can wake up later and attend a smaller class, where i'll most probably recieve more attention. Despite the advantage, im quite worried if i'll recieve too much of it. My stress level has dropped much ever since i graduated from my second year. On the other hand, another meter is rising. Im sure everybody in class would face this fear of our final year end recital. Im sure mine would be a big screwed up.

Its funny. My performances during class are usually bad, in general. But during my exam, or competition, it'll boost up quite thick. Im wondering whether its the stress, or the lack of concern and sincerity in my playing. Whateva it is, im very aware of my own standards and where i stand amongst the other players. Im not first, neither am i last, but im definitely not as good as some other rising juniors. Whateva it is, its the fact that i should face due to my karma. Im not speaking in tongues of Buddhism, but just that its my consequence to face. Its my burden to bear. However, im very open about such comments about my playing, afterall im prone to filtering things i hear. So, today and as the normal days back then, i know... i played badly. Im not sure whether to laugh or to just stone. Im sure i wont feel sad, unless i let somebody down. I know, how about myself right? I can deal with it, im fine.

Revenge was sweet, isnt it? U'll taste ur own medicine very soon...

That was some random thought for somebody. Dun worry, it meant no harm! Well, the first week got past quite quickly. U know, like sandflies, but they do leave a scar behind. I'd almost no time to do any other things at night, because i was preoccupied with CSCO concert, which was held at SCH yesterday. HuBingXu, as mentioned before, was our guest conductor, who motivated us, taught us, scolded us and praised us. We fought hard, and he acknowledged our effort. We were all touched by his words, his passion and his care. The concert was a kick off, for the first time i felt so satisfied with myself for orchestral music. U know, i seldom really dive in deep into the spirit of those orchestral pieces, but being the principal this time round, without any others to help me, i was on my own.

Alvin, YanJun and LaiWeng were great on stage. The Pipa group was fantastic! LaiWeng had to deal with my sarcasm and chidings. Poor thing, but well i hope she understands that its to help her. Its no good relying so much on YanJun too, afterall theres not a full percentage that both are equally sure of certain things. Even for me, sometimes ive to listen out to Alvin too. Well, theres always a line to balance on. So, LaiWeng, please practice hard and focus more! Orchestral music is about urself and the whole orchestra. How much are u giving out, and how much are u recieving? I bet ur not even sure about that. I had to force her to not play for this single legato melody because of the noise from her nails. I had to, but its not a bad thing. Its for all, not for one. Well, LaiWeng, keep going. Alvin and YanJun are experienced players, they shoud know better.

I must thank my friends who came to watch. Mark and Christoven, along with Lisa, thanks to them for supporting me. Dear Tommy, who came to support too, thanks very much, though i think u were having a hard time accepting Chinese music. My family members of course, being my grandparents, Winnie, Mervin, Dorothy and Yong, Maria and Nerissa, Gloria, Douglas and WeiKeat. It was a pleasure and really a stapled smile on my cheeks to see u guys at my concert. Im so grateful for u guys to keep supporting me though the tickets were really expensive! Im so thankful, i dunno what else i can do. Well, and of course finally to my dear friend, QingLun, who fought with me in the morning.

Well, QingLun, i dun wish to put everything here, but roughly... its still... ur fault! I think sometimes our fate is in the script of a play. How can such things happen over and over again? I really cant believe it, though im certainly sure that ive done my part. So, with his insensitivity, he made me tear. He never fails! We fought over messages, and i seriously mean long messages like 2 or 3 pages long each. He didnt wanna pick up my phone, and so i didnt care after calling once.

We met at SCH, and everything was fine. QingLun, ur full of surprises. I hate surprises... Anyway, we chatted on the phone late at night till deep into the wee hours. We laughed at silly things, talked about dirty things... im joking, and we shared some thoughts. Well, he's still sure that its my fault. Whateva! Anything! Go get a can. And, hello, please!

Today, after catching the very... interesting... concert at NAFA, i headed home immediately with KaiXiang. Well, its a totally new feel. U know, sometimes u idle in school, wasting time... finding mates to eat prata or something, its a total waste of time. U see, after arriving home earlier, i could illegally download songs, search for some photos and even listened to some music. I can do so much at home, in the joy of my comfort zone! While walking there, KaiXiang, or Rit, shared some music with me.

Surprised, as we were too, we met Joe on the bus too. Well, now at least i know i can find some other people to accompany me home! But Joe and ShaSha dropped off at Novena, probably because of the packed bus. My ears were parched with new music, after Rit shared some, i was so motivated to go seek and hunt for such music myself. He was embarrassing in the bus! I was busy hiding my face, but theres nothing bigger for me to seek refuge.

After alighting, i brought him to my vacinity. We walked over to the coffeeshop, to grab a bite. He had dinner, and i bought him light snacks and drinks. Mom was there, and i think she was surprised to see me and my friend. I passed her my bag, and i went to sit with Rit on a separate table. He was busy teaching me Thai, and i think i did quite well though my brain is currently switched off already. Busy server i guess... i just cant remember much... It was fun talking to him, crapping and laughing cock. Its really sick at times... i just dunno what to say.

Well, i walked him back to his stop, and waited together for his bus. Sang some songs... and said goodbye.

I dunno why, but i know there are things i shouldnt say here. This isnt regarding anything uve just read, dun think so far yet. I'll guide u slowly... follow my lines. I think, its like the poles, and i find that people from a different upbringing of instrumental studies, especially the Chinese woodwinds, are of a wierd category in my magazine. Theres so much to look out for, but somehow, they're different, very much different. Read between the lines...

Alright, my Mom just came in to give me that cold stare and commanded me to go to bed. Its the general's command! How can i not obey? So, rest well people. Enjoy and goodnight!