Distant Star

Opening statement ... my fucking mouse is irritating me . If it doesnt destroy itself , i'll have to buy home a cat to get the job done .

Enough crap . Well , why am i blogging ? Because , for these few days , without blogging ... i feel quite a sense of lost . How ? I mean , why ? Because things aint laid properly infront of me , my thoughts , my ideas and the events of my everyday life . So , there's quite a few things ive said but , not done , and there are things that i havent done so yet . I feel bad . But well , there are many reasons why i choose not to do what i should do . And some of which , are personal and i dun think its even good to disclose it to anyone .

For these few days , i got to know KaiXiang alot better . Well , not even as close as a star , but still , at least i have a telescope to look far . He got into this competition for some teenage icon , and i think its well publicised already in school , and outside of school . Im a very simple person and i think im just water from the river . Let me just flow by quietly ...

Heard many funny stories in school . But well , funny enough to hide away the frown for a minute .

Actually im quite bothered about myself . What am i thinking ? I dunno . But , i find myself a prick . U know , a pesky irritating person . YiChun must have felt that way . I understand , really . Though i told him i understood ... he wont give a damn , and he didnt believe it either . I must be so into my own thoughts that i mentally create this blockade to protect myself from advices .

Im not just busy attending to my own problems . Im also busy preoccupied with entertaining my own problems . Arent they the same ? Not really . Many problems , financial and emotional . Lets talk about money ...

I need money urgently . And well , im spending money disorderly . Contradicting my needs , i find myself a horrible person . Incorrigible , as u might call , but well ... i dun abhor myself . Tomorrow , i'll be meeting the vixen in a secret garden . I might not return , but i hopefully woul leave some bread to remember my way home .

The talk with Jane tomorrow will regard on my financial needs . But as for emotional needs , theres nobody to guide or help me . I need professional help . Today , TingTing and gang asked me a question which i couldnt answer . Well , ive been feeling rather down . In fact , now ... im feeling very down . My heart feels heavy , literally . I think thats what they really call ... depression . U know , like heavy pulling effect and stuff . But well , of course it wont last for long . I think when i sleep , i'll dream of those little bunnies again .

Theres something which ive come to realise . Actually , no . Ive come to this conclusion a real long time ago ... but well , it lingered inside my head ... and finally , its settled ! U know , u have a degree of friends ... ? First degree are those that u hang out with all the time . Second , would be those that u hang around often , but not all the time . And the third degree ones would be those who u'll just say hello to .

I dun have any first degree friends . I think . But well , i treat my first as others treat me their second . I think im such a sore loser . Goodnight , loser .

The winner takes it all and the loser standing small .