The Black Spot

Im feeling wierd. Its not love. I think its SiHan's IPod, which made me kinda dizzy during the bus ride. Moreover, for the amount of chocolate and milk i took today, i think im going to throw...

I woke up around noon, and headed down for lunch then to school. I reached school at 4pm. On the bus, i met Rit, and he returned me my CD with the $10 inside. Im surprised.

I walked to the library, and into the room to watch the opera again. "Turandot' is a fantastic opera! I love it so much. Probably its because that its the first ive watched completely. Its probably the relation with China as well... But whateva it is, i love it! The singing and the music is just too beautiful. The captivating parts are so striking that i just wanna cry out loud for the sake of music! My goodness, i was sitting there, staring into Turandot's eyes, and listening to the high notes of Calaf. I love it! I love it!

Anyway, ive managed to do half of the review. Im stuck at the second act. Tomorrow, after my papers, i'll have to rehearse with the dance, and i think i seriously need time for my own studies. I cant allow this to occupy my own time. Though i should be responsible for rehearsing with the dancers, i think i should care more for my own papers, instead of their graduating performance. Look at it this way, im doing it for the sake of others, but who will care for me? I will have to.

After doing the review, Jamaludin called me. I headed down to the theatre, and found the hall to be in total darkness. I saw some lightings on stage, and heard Jamaludin calling me to enter. I found a seat with the help of my handphone's light. Then, i headed outside to wear my nails and to tune the Pipa. I didnt warm up at all, and i have no time to actually. In the end, i went on stage to try out the arrangement as well as the microphone. On that day, it'll be a different microphone, so... no problem.

I played and the dancers danced. Jamaludin wasnt happy, he cut and asked for the dancers to start again because they were marking. What is marking? I asked the dancers, and one of them told me that it means that they are not dancing properly. Cool, marking...

We played through the piece, and i entered early for one part. Other than that, i think im doing fine. Im lazy to play the whole piece with full strength, so i cheated for most of the parts. During the performance, and the recording, i'll try my best to insert my full energy, which shouldnt be more than the energy to brush ur teeth.

After rehearsing, i kept the Pipa and headed to the bus-stop with QingLun. We were talking, and suddenly, a caterpiller interfered. I was telling him about politics in this circle. Well, he doesnt understand what im trying to bring across, but he is right about his own ideas. But u think about it urself, it sounds right in the mind, but... does it feel right? Dun always listen to ur mind, sometimes... i think its more important to listen to the heart. If we work everything out with the mind, what makes us different with computers? Only that they're so much faster. We have emotions, and we should follow them more often than to base our theories with our brain. I know that though its nothing wrong, but things like that causes much chaos in a once peaceful circle that i lived in. In fact, from the day i stepped into this world, the dark spot has already been spreading around. It has caused misery to many, and trouble to others. As for me, it doesnt affect me much, probably its because of my lower confidence now that makes me weak and weaker. I know, in the end, its my problem that im weak, ive nobody to blame. Nobody to blame? Or do i? We're complaining because we're the loser. Its like playing a game, if u lose... u lose, but how do u feel when u lose? When u lose, do u want the winning opponent to mock at u? Or do u wish for the enemies to take advantage of ur misery? I dun think theres a need to. Moreover, some may just leave a game. In this world, how can we leave? We have nowhere else to flee to... Its either we change our route, or we die. So, in the end... whats causing this failure? Isit us, or isit the only rising problem? Who is setting the standard? Isit the black spot, or the common spots?

I alighted the bus, and left QingLun there with just my short conclusion. I walked towards PacificCoffee with an unstable mind. I was pestered by the fact that QingLun managed to bring to me the rejected point of view. I cannot take it, but i listened silently. I think he is right. But, i cannot accept it as the reason for such disturbance in the waters. Well, a political point of view comes from the mind. Mine comes from the heart, which is fragile and not conspicuous in any way as to compare against reality. In this world, everything in court comes from solid black and white statements. Mine is red, it isnt valid...

Met up with Christoven, Audrey, Jwen and Evan. Well, i sat beside them at started calling SiHan. He was complaining that i left him alone. Well, he had lesson and he headed to school because i didnt pick up his call. I dunno why, but i forgotten about him suddenly. Evan was teaching them harmony, and after that, they all headed home. As for Christoven, he promised to teach my what he has learnt later...

We headed for dinner. I wasnt hungry, so i ordered a large coleslaw, which tasted terrible! Im never going to eat that in KFC ever again. Please remind me never to order that again, if i do, please slap me. Maybe not, just tell me not to. Well, i copied some notes over... and a list of terms that might come out for exam. Im kinda shocked that if those words are coming out, im screwed. We talked over dinner, and he was telling me about some people. Well, i cant agree less. I cannot take the attitude anymore! Its irritating, like a fucking irritating bitch diva. If u cant be one, u dun. Divas are generally bitchy, but nice. If ur irritating and a bad diva, its called a bitch or slut. As for Christoven, he is just a diva, WhampoaHilton. As for me, im just the other girl...

Thats not the point! I just cant take the silliness that is driving this social circle mad. People are backstabbing others, while those who have a huge blade stuck behind their backs are not aware of it at all. Those who backstabbed others are stilling fooling around backstabbing more. Those who are bleeding to death are still blind and ignorant that its the one with the knife that is doing the backstabbing! How stupid? How idiotic can people be?

We tossed the topic aside, because its stupid. We headed to MaxBrenner'sChocolateBar, and i got myself the Suckoa, while Christoven ordered Trinidad's white chocolate. Mine came, and its like this incense burning, with a small tiny pot on top. Im supposed to fill it up with this little mug of milk, and this plate of dark chocolate. Its cool, and i think im lucky because that guy gave me alot of chocolate! Others got little, but due to my attractive character, he gave me more. Im sure.

Christoven went through the important notes with me. He taught me the things that he heard from Evan. But the best thing is that, he doesnt even know whether he is sure of the answer! He just told me to follow the progression... without a proper explanation why. He even came up with his own terms. Suspension is known as a drag. U know? Sissy kinda drag. My goodness... i'll never send my children to Christoven's harmony school. MrYap beware, Christoven will start a rival school soon! A revolutionary music school!

SiHan came later, and he blamed us for not calling him along to KFC. Well, we didnt plan to eat there, but we did. Moreover, i persuaded him for so long just now. He didnt wanna come... so too bad! He ordered the same thing as me, but with white chocolate instead. It came with this plate of little white chocolate beads. They looked like dog's chocolate. Cool...

I remembered feeding my dog last time with chocolate. In the end, im feeding myself more than the dog. Fond memories...

Anyway, after talking crap... we left. I headed home on a bus with SiHan. I alighted at his stop, and changed from bus 70 to 76. In the bus, my bladder was exploding. I ran home, and my bladder exploded in time. I released a gush of pee in the toilet.

There are things that i need to blog out, but i need a more private place. Actually, i already got one... its a secret garden... where i plant my secrets and watch them grow. But, should i? If not, then its hard for me to always fool around with words and hidden names...

Well, for those who might guess it right, ur right. If not, then too bad. If ur guessing it wrong, then please check with me, i dun want people going around with misunderstandings and causing more trouble than it already is.

Politics patrol the landscape, and cold wars galumph the surface of this earth. Should we look to the black spot? Or should we sometimes just ignore it and just live on among with the common spots.