Trepidation

U might wonder if this blog is effete. Well, im here again to prove it wrong. Its back for more, but this will be just one post before this coming Friday, the official comeback. Ive been terribly busy playing games. No! Ive been terribly busy practicing the Pipa. I hope im right...

Many events took place over these few days, almost a week, or probably more than a week. Those events took flight and now are shot down into my ocean, like broken pieces of wood floating on my sea of thoughts. I need to pick these pieces up and make something out of it, before it ruins the empyrean serenity of the ocean. So, actually im just here to blog... to get things out of my mind. I want back the limpid view of my life.

In short, ive to say that the performances at NAFA were alright, just enough to save my little life. And other than that, last Sunday, i had to rehearse early in the morning at NUS for the concert which is in the afternoon. I havent practiced much with them, and on Saturday night, Jasmine and SiHui came to watch my performance at NAFA. Which after, we were caught in a human jam of taxi snatching. It took us long enough to get a cab, from NAFA all the way till Bugis. Finally, after catching one, we headed out to PasirRis, where the TPCO chalet was held.

Had fun there, mostly laughing with JingTing and making jokes out of MeiHong. We laughed till it hurts. I think JingTing is one of the people who can successfully make me laugh without doing much. Another would be Audrey, and of course... Anthea too at times. While they were out doing some night walk, i slept in the room and chatted with JingTing and gang. They woke me up in time, and we all walked out of the chalet early in the morning and took a cab home.

JingTing stays near me, so i dropped her nearby and headed home. Took a shower, and headed out for NUSCO rehearsal almost immediately. At UCC, the concert hall, i took out my Pipa and started warming up. The backstage was horrible, its like Esplanade, but far worse... because of the many passages and wierd shaping of the passage routes. We ran through the pieces, and surprisingly, the concert was great! I personally think that the ErHu concerto by LumYanSeng was the best. Its so much better than rehearsals, and honestly, im really surprised. The Pipa concerto was alright, just that i dun really like the Chinese orchestra's rendition. During the interval, i headed out and chatted with MrYeo and others. I saw Jeremy, XueQi and gang outside, but didnt talk to them.

After the concert, i rushed out to grab a cab with Kenny. The performers were supposed to stay behind for photo taking and stuff. But well, ive to rush off for another performance at NAFA. Well, not as ive not expected, i played terribly that night. Im too tired, and im not focused at all. I got WenYang's number that night, and i talked to him about some of my plans. I might need him for help next time. He is a very very nice guy. Thanks WenYang.

Stayed back after the performance for a buffet. There, Adams kept praising me and telling me that i did well. Im aware that it was bad, so i told them that it wasnt good... but he said that its really good, as followed by RenePhua and Hartung too. Well, that night... i felt very tired and worn out.

I went back home and took a long nap to refresh myself for the next day.

Nothing much happened during these few days other than the fact that i went shopping... and now waiting for the last and final one this Friday, my practical exam. I got myself some really nice clothings, for a cheap price, and many many French CDs! People, StMusicWorld is having 50% off, and their CDs are priced at $6.50 and above. Its really cheap! I love that place, i went there thrice and found myself buying many French recordings. I bought CDs by ThierryAmiel, the French idol as all might know, and also CDs by LaraFabian and JonatanCerrada. Well... if u guys wanna go there, u can ask me where it is, or actually... its just at ShawTowers.

Christoven got almost knocked down by a van. Fairul got me really mad... and i dun wanna talk about it. Also, ive to thank him for getting work done.

My exam is drawing really near. Im going to school everyday to practice, but only to find myself playing after practicing awhile. I just played LAN with SiHan and YongRui. I few days ago, with YinXuan, Richard, LianWei and others. I dunno... but i think its wrong. Bad, really bad. Just took a cab back with SiHan. He dropped off first and gave me $10 to continue my journey home.

I need to sit back and congitate about life. There are many things which im clearly lacking of, but yet not sure how to get them. Just now, MikeChiang called me, and he told me about some plans. Im glad and very happy. Excited mostly... but still, there are many obstacles to clear before doing so.

Recently, i talked with my friends, and realised that many things are happening, and such fate befalls on people that i least expected them to become such monstrous creatures. I think its not their fault, because its not them anymore. I want the old friend i used to have. Im not sure whether to point the blaming finger on the influence or the influenced. However so, im still a friend, and i wanna help. I could see in his little blinking eye that what i knew of has nonplussed him. There are many things i know too, but just not updated enough. Thanks for the talk, or else i wouldnt know of such existing terror. I think its really important that we have trustworthy friends around. Ive made my guess, and since im right, i should be told about such things. And even though i cant do much to help, i only can lend my listening ear, or even at times, to force my listen ear over. Im always here, and its not all the time that i'll spread things that i hear of, unless its necessary.

XueQi was crying yesterday, and she talked to me. Im glad that she can trust me with her words, and honestly, i think that its important for one to think healthy before doing anything. Therefore, XueQi, u have to try to stop being so depressed. Think slowly, and figure things out slowly. Im sure there are some things that aint a problem at all. Uve walked this far, dun fall and hurt urself again.

Im not taciturn, but just not really open to anybody. I need support at times, and it'll be great if people aint that blunt. Sometimes, i look into the mirror and sigh to myself. I wonder... if people are really saying and meaning things they say. Truth or dare? I would rather dare myself at times than to believe things i hear.

Mom is coming home soon, before Friday, so that she can fetch me for lesson before heading for lunch and then to school for my final exam.

Recently, through the help from friends, i got to find Sophy, Zheng player, to accompany me for my exam. I dun blame TingTing, because she is busy, but she could have told me really much earlier. LimChooLi is busy, and i wouldnt wanna bother her too, because its just my exam, its not like a major performance. So, i found Sophy, who willingly accepted to play for me. Thanks alot. We rehearsed once and it turned out to be alright, the final section still not fast enough. On that day, i'll move one bridge over from another Zheng, because the 2 Zhengs in school are kinda handicapped. She came with her twin sister, Clara, if im not wrong. Well, thanks to them both. And moreover, i asked if i may treat them for dinner, but they rejected. Weird, and really nice, thanks.

I just cant wait to be king. I mean... i just cant wait for my exams to be over. Ive been eating heavily recently, its not surprisingly that im gaining so much weight. After my exam, im going to celebrate wildly! I tell u, im going to drink, eat, sleep, play and shop like crazy!

I should post what people say in MSN to me, because i find it super hilarious at times. By the way, i always win when we play LOTR games. Im so bored of winning! Well, that day, my Saruman destroyed SiHan and Richard. But, i was lucky to have myself a wall surrounding my Isengard. Other than that, Saruman grew strong by killing SiHan's men. Today, i found the one ring and gave birth to Sauron, who destroyed SiHan entirely. YongRui's elves were helpless... and he managed to kill Sauron after it became weak from all his arrows. It took him very long to kill him. My WitchKing was killed many times with his other Nazguls, and the BlackRiders too. Well, its a nice game... actually, im deeply in love with the story of LOTR. A few days ago... i even went to check out of the history of Saruman. The interesting thing is that the writer has magically created a world of his own. Its magical!

Im tired... and i wanna go play my games. Im intending not to sleep tonight, and practice early tomorrow, or probably practice later at night. I need some rest for tomorrow, so im going to wear myself out tonight. Friday is arriving like the arrival of puberty, so fast... and so shocking. Im joking, i bet its not shocking for SiHan, because he is a caveman. He is still going through evolution...

Im so afraid. I think im doing really badly this year. I fear for my final year. I really fear for myself... because there are many things that i dun have. In fact, im the only Pipa player that is going through NAFA first straight after graduating from my Os. YouGuo would be the only Pipa player that has graduated from NAFA, and im next, but i entered at an early age, as compared to YouGuo. So, im afraid that the concept behind the judges would differ much from perspective. Im worried. I know that im not very good, not even good, but i think i can barely just pass through the exams, which im very elated if i do. I wanna just get out of this place quickly... and get into NS. Its the first time im hoping for NS... but of course, to obtain my diploma first. I must get it first... or else, im going to kill myself.

Im afraid, very afraid.