No Man

Dickshen is fucking pissing me off . I flicked his ears till it turned really red , because he was really naughty . Then next thing , i closed the door and he purposely stood there ... so his toes were ... injured . Anyway , i punished him by calling him pick up the rubbish on the floor . Now he is crying outside , because i dun let him in my room . Well ... i dun like him coming in , because he's hands are itchy .

Yesterday , i brought Dickshen downstairs ... and then this lady asked if he's my child . Dumb of what ... ? Do i look that old ... ? Sorry , actually its meant to be a joke ... but my mood now is kinda ... hot . So , bear with the language .

Went to school today , and attended choir . Was an hour early , i didnt know , still took the MRT . Anyway , bought my concession today only , because its expired . Had sectionals for choir , and Jennifer took over us . She's nice ... but of course she has her limits . When the guys misbehave , she'll make some angry comments . And though how true it is , nobody will actually bring it to heart . But to think of it ... she is right ... what kinda musicians are we ... ? Well , the general and most basic concept of a musician is someone who is very well-mannered , civilised and all the good things that one can think of . Why ? I dunno why ... Why cant musicians be naughty ? Why cant musicians play as a villian in real life ? Well , its dumb . But of course , i do think that musicians should conduct themselves well .

Had a short break , thanks to Jennifer . And ate with a few people ... then rushed for choir . But who knows ... they started already . So i stood with the Tenors . Good thing DrGoh didnt scold us or embarrass us in front of the crowd . So thankful ... Nevermind about that ... but choir practice was fun today ... though its very ... cramed . To think of it , i dunno whether to apply the word 'temperamental' for Jennifer and DrGoh . But , they are very nice people .

Had ensemble after choir , and hell , it was boring . I didnt bring my scores , and so fortunately , we played some new scores . Well ... its the SpringOverture . And , it sounded horrible . I think that the Chinese Ensemble is too small , and of course the different sections are not balanced . Thus , we cannot play orchestral pieces , and we have to play horrible ensemble music . Actually i believe ensemble music can sound very nice . But its just that ... MrYeo picks old traditional pieces . And that sucks ... Its off balance , and moreover ... there'll be several Dizis in NAFA . So , imagine the balance of sections . Too bad ... for us that we cannot play good pieces .

Went to the computer lab , and played games with SiHan and YongRui , and of course ... i kept winning . Before that , i went to disturb Anthea . She was practicing outside , and its so warm outside . She broke my pen , and she lost my book . Well ... what else will she do next ? I wonder ... and yes , she bought the same ring as me . She is irritating ! Well , i dun mind the pen and the ring , but she has to buy me back the book , thats all i ask for . Never to trust her again ...

Well , i wont talk about Andy here .

Watched the CSCO performance DVD . My solo was alright ... audible . The rest are just fine ... Anyway , some other people in school watched it with me too . Then DrGoh came , and i think he knows many things , but yet he doesnt wanna tell me . Or is there anything for me to know ... ? Im thinking too much ... Well , i know ... some people just shouldnt take the music path , like me . So ... just let me be .

I went home early , because there wasnt anybody in school . They told me that Audrey and gang left already . Well ... so i went to the MRT station with Fairul and Noozli . And Fairul was being an ... ass , because he doesnt wanna eat with us . He has to reach PasirRis , so he can go to his friend's house and burn some CDs ... for someone , and its for Valentine's . Anyway , so Noozli and i took the MRT home .

I took the wrong direction , and i quickly went over to the other platform and took the train back . And amazingly i met Noozli ... because before that , i thought i should take a bus , but since i'll start the concession tomorrow ... must well take the MRT . Therefore , he left first . But since after we met , we took the same MRT towards Marina then back towards AngMoKio .

Mom fetched me for dinner ... It was horrible ... dun talk about it . After that , we talked about Dad . And its from there then i learned that maybe Jane isnt up to any good , like usual . Well , Jane is ... u guys know ... and i think she is having something up her sleeves . Think its time to break her mirror and get that nasty true self out of her . One day i'll go down with my grandparents to visit Dad ... and i'll make sure that she isnt around .

Well , its time my paternal family should stop hiding things from me . Though its for my own good , like as usual , but im no kid . Its fine to tell me stuff , because im a grown up , or almost . So , just let me know whateva i should know , and stop playing this tedious mind games with me . I can figure the truth out myself , but of course it'll take time for a slow brain of mine to think that fast . So , just let me know whateva i should know .

I know , my blog is getting boring , but there isnt anything for me to embellish it anymore . My brain has gone parched ... and i dun think it'll work as well as usual .

Mom asked if i wanna watch the DVD i just bought with them . Then i thought ... i'll never enjoy a good show because they'll either fall asleep or they'll go out . So ... must well watch alone . I hate watching a show with Mom , because she doesnt pay attention ... and cant have a good laugh with her . So just forget it ...

Anyway , we talked about Dad just now again . And she said that she might wanna visit Dad . So , i thought ... better not because her mouth isnt that sensitive , and Dad has sensitive skin . Im afraid that her saliva may start up a fire . So , i told her not to ... But to think of it , i think she should .

Since life is that short , right Matthew ? I shall then talk about death ... Well , first we must understand that death isnt something everybody is scared of . It comes when time is right ... and people only worry about death when they have things that they cannot bear to let go . Like us , we are afraid of losing our youth . And for the rich , they are afraid of losing their wealth . For me , i dun think ive much to lose ... only my Mom . Often in forgetfulness of our destiny , we become over-incolved in collecting things , in attachments and possessions , in wanting to become someone special . We get involved in many of taking our ambitions , our desires , ourselves , very seriously , thus we lose the perspective of death . We are going to die alone , unless ur a suicide bomber ... Its necessary to come to terms with our basic aloneness , to become comfortable with it . The mind can become strong and peaceful in that understanding making possible a beautiful communion with others . If we take death as our advisor , we live each moment with the power and fullness we would give to our last endeavour on earth . But of course , who will do that ... unless they are selfish people who cares about giving instead of recieving . When we keep death at our fingertips , we become less involved , less compulsive about the satisfaction or gratification of various desires in the moment . When not so clouded by desires and fantasies , we're less inclined to hold onto things and more open to love and generosity . The awareness of death provides the space of clairty in which we can understand the process of who it is that we are , and who it is that dies . From the womb to the tomb , from the tomb to the womb ... Incarnation ... ? Im not sure how u think about that ...

No man , though he sees others dying all around him , believes he himself will die .

Well , i know im lame , thanks . Anyway , today's entry will be kinda short because afterall i blogged this morning . Tomorrow is Valentine's Day , and i wonder who i will go out with . Of course ... i dun expect anyone to accompany me , but it'll be kinda sad isnt it ? I shall buy myself a flower ... ? I'll see about it because i know it'll be kinda expensive tomorrow .