Unflagging

Do i find pleasure in self-entertainment ? Ive no idea , but , talking to myself is like a habit . Not a habit , but the returning of one . So what ? What isit that brought me to this state ? The thing that reduced me to who i am today ... It must be it . It ! It must be it , the only one reason ... to why im such a misfit . Rather similar to Dorian ... and what am i to do ? To laugh and to live life the way i want , like him ? Im not very sure ... but now i can laugh my laugh , for that they think its pink . Wait a minute ... its not , its fushsia .

Just chased my baby cousin out of my room . He dropped my mouse , and i was very upset already . So what else can i do ? I did what i can ... and next , he ran out of my room like he usually does . He is beginning to speak , learning broken vowels and blear pronunciation of certain words . Cute , i would say . But , not cute enough .

Listening to RusselWatson now , a powerful Tenor . Successful young talent ...

Anyway , i watched a provocative movie , the theme of which i would not say . Anyway , its really nice and interesting how people can film . Totally , perfect . And watched several other movies too ... some of which , were really boring .

I work as how she does ... when u need me but do not want me , i'll stay . But if u want me , but do not need me , i shall leave . Is this what im living about ? Not pretty sure ...

Today , didnt go to school again . And fuck , i havent handed in my portfolio yet . Thousand thanks to YongRui , my books are overdued . How i know ? Dun ask . Look , u return the books , and pay the fines , i cannot be bothered about such small garlic issues . Im feeling so fucked up now , only by listening to some country music would calm my stirred emotions within .

My imagination is running wild . Not as wild as u might think , but somewhere further . Look , i was bloody pissed when Nana made fun of me by asking this very question . Well , of course with no intetions of hurting or making a fool out of me , but surely ... this question came to me , without peace , but with a sense of mockery . Well , she asked ...

Playing the Pipa will make money ?

Great , such a bloody good question to ask a Pipa player . Satirical mimicry , i didnt like that question at all . Well , its like asking the begger whether they'll make money from begging . Go give it a try , i bet u would like the outcome .

I havent felt an urge to blog before . Today , i felt it . Why ? Im sure because the drainage basin inside collected too much combusting notions . Or it may be the fact that im thinking too much for the day .

Sorry , not abit of interest in ur life . I dun bloody care if ur having a bad day or whateva shit excuses u might give me . If ur working as a sales person , make sure u satisfy ur customers . Ive complaint about this in my blog for dunno how many fucking times . Look , especially those stupid ladies working in Chinatown's ThisFashion . I believe ive blogged this before , and again i would like to say that ... ur working attitude sucks . Sucks big time ! Even if i know im shitty crap , i still force myself to smile . Its how u display urself , its only self-respect .

Friends , who are they nowadays ? Who are people nowadays anyway ? Someone i talk to ? Someone that fills my eyes with familiarity ? Look at myself , such a disgrace to look at myself through the mirror . Why ? Because im pathetic , not abit like Beethoven's pieces . No , its not funny , its not meant to be . I was searching through my namelist in my phone . What for ? Like before , to ask about concerts or anything . Many names , i would find , but not a single one that would reply with the sincerity of my questions . Now , do they see me as how i see them ? Good question , for me and anyone else ... So , again , am i the protagonist of my own life ?

Not going to end this entry yet . U might think that i'll usually end my entries with such thoughtful paragraphs . Smart ? No . Today , its filled with such crappy lines everywhere ... including the next one , coming up ...

The next paragraph ...

The next is ...

Empty .

Fuck ! I dunno what im gonna say . Sounds like a perfect cadence here , so ... goodnight .

I hate this , my entry is getting shorter and shorter . What the fuck is going on ?

Anyway , i did something really evil today . But , honestly , i did nothing wrong with the involvement of the spreading . But still , i know im in the wrong . Where is my unflagging conscience ? Where isit ? Tell me .