Monday, February 28, 2005

Chess

Today's monday ... as u guys know ... its the date of the release of O level results . Well , i didnt expect myself to go to school ... Wilson called me earlier in the morning , he said he'll treat me LAN after that ... so , i went to school . In the morning , i recieved many phonecalls and messages ... yes , its the usual stuffs ... regarding the results .

I went to school ... i wasnt early ... Almost everybody was waiting inside the auditorium ... it was so noisy . I stood at the door , the glass door , feeling the unfeeling coldness . Its the air-con , its not really that cold actually ... but i dunno why i started to feel the tension . Nobody noticed me for a moment . My classmates saw me ... Sherwin and a few came forward and brought me to the gathering ... It was somehow like a class gathering ... i didnt know what i was doing ... why was i there ... ? I really dunno ...

ChaiXia called ... but i didnt wanna reply ... no mood .

The principal started talking , showing statistics and graphs and charts ... talking about nonsense ... really made me feel the tension ... Intensifying the moment , there was the release of the results . I didnt feel anything , not even a bit of tension at that moment . When i held the sheet in my hands , i told myself not to look , but ... i opened it and started to stare at it . I showed no face of discontention . I wasnt startled , and i wasnt a bit surprised . Ive expected that kinda results , it was more than what ive expected though . In fact , without studying , i did better than quite a few . I must admit , this year's paper was damn easy . Regretted ... ? Not a bit .

I sometimes may feel that ... something up there is playing games with my life . Isit the fate ... ? Destiny ... ? I feel that im a piece of chess , im bound to be killed , like just a soldier . I think that things are not how u shape it to be . Its predestined . There were the born losers , and i think im one of them . Im smart ... ? But just not academically i guess ... Somebody has to be the loser , u cannot have everybody as the winners can they ... ?

Honestly , there are many errors here in my blog now . I cant think straight ... so ... just leave it .

Im the born loser , a small part to the winner's life .