Chronic

Ive so much comments to give . But , i think its best that i keep it to myself . Hope not sour any further ... However , whenever i keep things to myself . Many tend to get it the wrong way ... Ive no choice but to leak it out willingly somehow ... I dun force things , they force me . I just feel a thug in my heart , like something pressuring it ... making it heavy and somehow compressed . Depression ... ? Again ? I dun think it is ... im better now , now , that is ...

Had to go back CSCO today , just to get my money ... Now i got it , i wanna leave . Not as in leaving CSCO ... but somehow take a break ... Im not like others ... some just use the name of CSCO as a dignity of their own's . The name as a label , as a brand . It gives them identity somehow in this CO circle . Prestigious ... ? Well , Zheng has been very nice ... and he had made many plans . We talked to one another ... and we exchange views and ideas ... he gives his comments and i dun refrain from doing so too ... but somehow ... he's ' stronger ' . He really do know how to play this game well . Im losing ... im somehow held back . Im sceptic about almost anything or everything . But my excuses are deemed fit ... ? Void . Not valid . So do i have an option ? An alternative ? Zheng instilled this kinda confidence in me . Well , i liked his ideas . I really hope i can be part of his plans . But i just wish that it wont turn out somehow like its not under my control of anything anymore . He's an ambitious man . Not just verbally said , he walked the walk and talked the talk . He did it just like how he said it to my ears . Im still stuck here ... where should i go next ? What am i supposed to do ?

Raymond , Jasmine , YiLeng , JiaJin , XiuHua , ChaiXia , Sharon , Nicholas and i . We went to eat at S11 today . I ordered sotong , they gave me stingray ... No choice , ive to wait again , though they've already started , and they're half way done .

Thought they'll be going over to my place , but in the end , we went XiuHua's . She wanted to study . Other than studies , books and libraries , where else can she go or do ? Popular bookstore , she'd worked there before . Bookworm ... Too bad i forced her to let us play mahjong . Dunno why ... felt kinda tired ... not in the mood .

Why would we end up there in the first place ? We met Stanley one the way to my place . He was biking around ... So , i thought maybe we could go somewhere else . The AngMoKio Garden . Its not a garden at all ... ive spent my childhood mostly in that forest during my playtime , which is always . Now it'd changed so much . There used to be a playground on top of the hill which MayFlower Primary School is now situated at . Constructions and renovations , they really ruin everything sometimes . Sharon , Jasmine and ChaiXia looked dead . I was still alive . Though im sweating , i still can go a mile . I sweat because of my damn long hair . No choice , i had to put a hairband . But dunno why , im starting to feel more natural wearing it in public ... funny ... weird ... Its normal ! Common scene please ...

I just told my Mom that i was playing mahjong at friend's place . Her reply was brief ... She said , " aiyo ... u dunno how to play one lah , waste time only ... " Please ... if i dunno , then how did i play it just now ? I won at least 3 times ... Sharon lousy .

I walked home from AMK central , after taking dinner with them . I sang as i walked . I realised that my throat is still that bad . I breathe with my throat at night when i sleep , because my nose isnt working properly , since young . So i have very dry throat , it gets parched easily . Sometimes it gets so dry that it'll bleed when i cough ... Im not suited for WoodWind ... no way i can . I cannot reach highnotes though how accurately i can pitch it . Now ... still the same . No change .

Depression , a chronical disease ...