Saneness Or Sadness ?

I think Blogger has some serious problems ... they page is not structured properly ... i dun think u know what i mean ... Anyway , i feel so sad today . Its like the worst day of my life .

In the morning , i got warned by Yohanna that i might repeat a year if im late for Aural classes again . However , i already missed 3 harmony lectures . Then she said im lagging behind , but she is still quite nice to actually smile at me , like DrKan , but not as good , and she taught me personally and privately about the open and close harmony thingi . It was quite easy , but i think she lack of the skill to explain things clearly . Since she got perfect pitch , i think its harder for her to understand how stupid people like me cant hear the chords .

I hate it when people start to whisper , though it dun irritate me much compared to others , but i just dun like the sight of it . It shows that there is a gap between things , and somehow a distance between people . Its usually these kinda actions that create boundaries and gaps between relationships . Secrets , or whateva it is , i think if u wanna share it with someone , wait till its somewhere private or something . Dun do it infront of others . Im fine with it , but others arent . Whats the point of going out in a group when there are lines within ourselves , and some just cannot cross it . Whats the point ?

I took at cab to Fullerton , only to find that i forgot to bring my Pipa . So i went back to take my Pipa , then back . Total , it cost me $15 plus already . I was so sad and so in a rush , then i felt so tired , how to play later ? Nevermind about that , then there was rehearsal . Some people just arent that good in improvisation , because they lack experience , so many things sounded like shit . And some instruments just cant mix and blend with the sound of others . I couldnt say much , though im in charge of the music , but its bad to point to others and tell them not to play or something . My pieces were too hard to sight read , so they had no confident on playing it , so its wasted like some other pieces . Performance itself sounded so much better anyway , so im glad .

Anyway , the wedding touched me . The guy must be damn rich . He's wedding is like so perfect , their little video clip was so cute and touching . Sometimes i just feel like cuddling together with someone , and just lay on the grass and spend the night outside . Im a dreamer , so dun care about me . Anyway , i had fun there , but i was so tired that i think now i can only think and type , i cant even bother to take off my coat and my school uniform . I wore my uniform today because i was bored ... and partitially because there is nothing else to wear ... I liked the setting and surroundings at Fullerton . Its quite the place where romance will settle and spark the magic .

I brought so much things back . The girls went home straight away . Then , leaving the guys to suffer . Because the CC is closed already , we had to bring the instruments back home . I brought back the attires and the DaRuan . I had to carry my bag , sweater , Pipa , DaRuan , Coats and the StanleySadie text . I was practically clampering my way back home . I was like tearing and crying on my way home . Im so disappointed and im so tired , and yet now i had to suffer my way home . It took me a long time just to get into the lift and take the stuff upstairs , because it kept dropping . I was all alone , and i had to kneel down to pick up my textbook and the coats scattered all over when it dropped . I felt like dying ... When i reached my doorstep , i shouted for help . Then my mom said i was being 'Kapo' . She dun understand that CSCO is a home to me , its my duty to help . However , sometime i just think whether im being used more then im taken care of . FuKang has this very naive and childish personality that shines in him , that made him a very different person from us . Thanks to Stanley , as in the Dizi player not Sadie , and KaiYi and FuKang .

And of course , thanks to Samuel . Thanks for asking ... now im feeling the same ... not any better ... I did so much just to earn this pathetic amount of a hundred . This is the worst and busiest performance ever ... I didnt expect anyone to ask me about how my performance was . Think ur the first in NAFA . Im touched ... but ur still the 'NNP' . U ass ...

Ur right , WeiXun . Pipa is my passion , and i should be enjoying it . I dunno whether its a curse or a passion now ... it is controlling me instead of me controlling it . It plays with my life ... im cornered and trapped in its hollow . Pipa , a monster or a friend ? I dunno now ... it feels like a stranger to me ...

I have no idea who is reading my blog . It has gone up ever since i am in NAFA and after that incident . Thanks for reading anyway . But still keep to the rule ... read the subtitle to this blog .