Self-Stressing

Im so tired . Isit the lack of sleep ? Or isit that music takes my breath away everytime i ventures into its realm .

I just came home from the commuter concert of our NAFA composition major students . I must say its unique , but no matter how unique , it still is too far from what i expect . I cannot reach its state of understanding . For me , i didnt enjoy myself there at all , other than Goh's RasaSayang Variation . At least it sounded really like a song that is written quite professionally . The others dun really suck , but i just didnt quite catch what its saying and what it really wanna convey . I liked the piece with the baritone , i think that one has music playing with words , the words from the poem . That was meaningful , and its really directly playing with the words . The rest didnt quite got into my ear ...

Just now on the bus , i was quite pissed , maybe its because i was tired . The indians were really inconsiderate . There was this malay lady with her children , then she occupied one seat with her plastic bags and loads , actually it was only like 2 small bags . So i stood there staring at them , till they offered the seat to me , and they had to ask whether i wanted to sit ! Dumb or stupid ? U choose ... Anyway , then there was this other malay teenager , she was dressed in a very punky manner . She had strong foundation powder thingi caked on her face and with strong dark mascara , to outline her eyes . It was really horrible looking ... Look , i hate this kinda malay girls , they really piss me off just by looking at them , and worst , with piercings and crazy hair colours . Its really awfully disgusting . She was like despising some indians when they boarded the bus at little india , and some of the indians just had to sit when they are going to drop and alight after just 1 or 2 stops . The malay girl stood away when the indians came near her , with a disgusted face . I think the disgusted face should be on mine . Im not being racist , but im trying to understand why races just cant really live together . Though how much people may think we are living in a racial harmony , but we are actually quite far from it . Though its not till to the extreme of how SriLanka or other country deal with it ... but we had this recent case of this bloggers inflicting this racial 'riot' amongst ourselves . So they got jailed . Im not trying to encourage racism here , but im just trying to tell u what i saw that made me think of how this issue came about .

I think MrYeo is picking one me , seriously , his tone and the things he say and his action really somehow just direct and points to my everything . I dun like it seriously , im starting to hate him . But its just a small little temper of mine , its not serious at all . However , i really hope he can change his tone ... its irritating me .

Mike called today . He told me to find some pieces to write for the wedding performance happening this 30th September . Anyway , i feel like im being used all the time . When im needed he will contact me , when im not , im not . I just dun really feel good ...

Its a really stressing day . Stress dun come from outside , it comes from inside most of the time .

Ive new things to add to todays blod after recieving a phone call from somebody . Well , theres nothing i have to say about , but only frivolous thinkings some people has . This blog is a space for comments , its room for all my own opinions . It shouldnt influence on how u think , or make u reconsider on what uve decided on . Unless what u think isnt strong enough , then maybe my words will start to make u doubt about ur own opinions . Who will ever tell u that ur playing is lousy infront of u ? If u will get agitated if someone says that ur performance was lousy , then i think there is seriously something wrong with urselves . Firstly , u asked and seeked for somebody's review , but u expect a positive remark . Whats the point ? The purpose of asking is defeated , then where can u learn how to improve ? Who starts good , and maintains good , or goes even better ? There is sure once that one will fail . For me , im a failure , i must admit . However , that is where i learn ... Honestly , at least i say it out and not say it behind some other people's back , isnt it ? Some of u will surely have to agree with this . I dun backstab or gossip about others like someone do , and its obvious who im talking about . U know , i know ... we all know . The murderer himself should know who he killed .

Shallow , really shallow , like the water at the bank .

Im not trying to create another chaotic period between u and me . U are the one sparking the dry leaves . Things are pretty dry and simple enough . If u want to let it burn , ive no way to stop it from ablazing . I know , u are too powerful . Powerful indeed ...

Even if someone is stupid , i dun have to say it out that he is stupid , isnt it ? Even if someone is weird , i dun have to let other people know , they will find it out themselves . However , who started it ? Do unto others what u want others to do unto u , this phrase is always misunderstood and twisted by many people . I think im repeating and refreshing what ive said in my previous posts , so please go read up if u want . Just keep things to urself ... Right ? But i said it all out in my blog ... im not practicing what im preaching , am i ? No im not . Therefore , i learnt from the best . If u get what i mean ...

Be realistic please . Like what MrGoh said , im not angry , im just speaking loudly . Whats the point of being a musician when u cannot handle comments and remarks . Whats the point !? Im very stressed myself , but i still have to accept it . Quite amazed , i am .