Nemesis

Guess im Nemesis herself . U'll know why later ...

Well , today is another wasted day . I stayed home and now im downloading some of Vitas' videos . Who is Vitas ? Did i mention it before ... ? Anyway , remember me showing u a video of this male soprano ? Well , its him . And i think hes songs are rather unique . Though , some may sound really ... weird , but i think its kinda intoxicating . Now im addicted to his music , not only his voice . Maybe its some kinda ... magical curse . I dunno , because its in Russian , which obviously i dun understand . Its kinda putting me into a trance ... I wont refer to his music as Satanic , but i'll call it unorthodox . Very strong heterodoxy , and this enhances the piece i guess . Anyway , he wears a scarf . In the video , he removed it and it seemed as if he has some gills at his chin area . I wonder if its real ... or isit for the video only . Its damn weird ...

Yesterday , i sent a comment over to tell them to take away the word verification thing . And , they'll be coming over to my blog to check if there are any blog spammings . Well , i sure do not know what that is ... but , i know ive done nothing wrong .

Tillabong said that my blog is cool , because i mention names and i literally condemn them here . Well , honestly , if i have the guts , i'll mention more . They just deserves it ...

Now , things are going to get a little private . And its the private stuffs that people will always hunger to listen to ... Well , afterall we're only human .

My Grandpa called me . After half an hour or so , my uncle , Douglas , called me . Well , its regarding the same issue . They asked how i am , and where have i been , did i visit my father ... and many more . Well , my answer was obviously no . Then they told me , my Dad is ill .

So , who believes in karma ? I sure dun . But somehow , maybe its real .

Reminder , im not evil . Remember ... im selfish towards selfish people , im nice towards nice people , and i help the helpful people . Well , im a mirror , like ive said before . So ...

Retribution came . This time it hits him hard on his back , without him knowing . Ive expected this day to come , and it finally did . Well , i really pity Dad for having a son like me . The doctors said that it might be ... Well , i'll leave it to ur imagination . And just now , they were telling me that i should visit him . Maybe i'll send him a message or something first . To think of it , im not surprised and im not even sad for a moment . When i heard it , i knew maybe i'll have to attend another funeral soon . Im not implying anything .

He'd done me wrong , my mother wrong and his parents wrong ... in fact , he had done us wrong . And for me , i forgave him the day my parents divorced . Well , ive been living in a pile of lies and diguises . For all my life , ive never heard any truth out of his mouth . Ive heard many stories , from my Grandparents and my Mom ... but the content from the source is rather questionable . Im vindictive , and ive mentioned it before . So , i guess vengeance is mine . Im his nemesis ... and the only thing i'll do is , not to forgive him . I cant force myself to ... really . I wont burn his house down , neither will i murder my step-mother , Jane , and her daughther , Amanda . I'll just leave them alone , and i'll forget about them as easily as i forget about people i hate .

I know for all that ive done , now and the past ... i'll recieve my own piece of retribution . I'll one day taste my own medicine , and im here to witness it . I'll take this down , to prove the accuracy of my own predictions .

Its sad . Its saddening ...

Well , all i wanna do now , is to give Dad some time to think about his own life . Maybe he might regret on certain things , but its already too late . People only regret about things that are over , thats why its too late . Its hard , and i understand how he feels now . We look alike , but im sure my insides are totally different from him . My heart links with Mom , and we both think alike . Therefore , i guess its hard to commune with me afterall because u and Mom dun click well . So , this is it , ur own mistake , facing right before u for 17 years , me .

My heart feels as heavy as a cannon ball . I know its a weird description ... Im moody not because im worried . In fact im worried , yes , but for Mom . Im afraid that one day , she might fall sick . Well , people come and people go . When they come , we invite them and welcome them . But nobody likes others leaving ... because the process is indeed hurting . I just hope , that i'll see them go and not the other way round . Imagine , if i were to die before Mom does . What will she do ? Im the only child , and she brought me up with all the tears , blood and money . Im the only hope she invested on , and its only my responsibility to take care of her when she grows old . I want her to enjoy life , and fulfill as much as she wants . I want her to enjoy her aging years ... without the need to worry about anything else . But , what happens if all fails , and i were to leave first . I cant imagine what will happen ...

Death now seems so close , yet actually its that far . It might be lingering around the corner , and if chances slip , it'll catch u and steal ur life away . I dun wanna be robbed of my own life . I dunno what im gonna do ... but my priority now , is still to take care of Mom . She doesnt stay at home much , because i only see her washing and cleaning and doing all the chores . So , i chased her out , to Malaysia , where her friends are . So , thats where she enjoys most . Let it be then ...

Anger is a burning torch in the mind and when expressed , it causes great suffering to others . It is helpful to recognise anger and let it go , thus the mind becomes lighter . My mind is filled with anger , and with heavy thoughts . Its hard to free myself off disturbance .