I Will Remember

Im home , finally , greeted by the familar smell of my nest . Just took a bath , had some apple juice , and now im ready to blog everything ...

Well , the feeling of loneliness struck me again when i was at CSCO . It choked my mind and i couldnt think straight for a moment . Its freaking hell tiring after moving the instruments . And i must say that the camp this year was indeed better than last year . If anyone recalled , last year was hell and im frightening everyone with my killer mood swings . I did expect something like that this year , but well , im cool , i didnt .

Sometimes , biases can be both to an advantage or disadvantage . I think im rather safe from harsh punishments and even little scoldings . Because im already considered an old member already , and for all the things ive done for the CO , i think i should be safe in their book . I break the rules everytime , thats what i do , and no , i dun get much attention for the 'crime' . Maybe its the influence of the balance of powers . I dun see why people are looking at me with the thought of me being a senior , i just hope they can see me as a friend , but of course , to be respected of . Think i got to know quite a few people better , and they are the few that i dun usually get to talk to , or either they wont approach me at all if i dun initiate ...

Fun came to me as a purge . It cleaned and cleared me of all my wrath . Though at first i was agitated , but it was all misunderstood . Now i know the truth , i think i feel at least a little more aware of whats going on . Look Kenny , dun start it please , im fine now with how i am , and yes im indeed happier . But , i think its gonna make things awkward for anyone else if u dun keep ur mouth shut sometimes . Im joking ... Ur right , those that gets to know me are sometimes considered ... unlucky . Maybe because i'll blog everything out . Like Jonathan , poor thing , i blogged so much in an act of a sudden rush of anger . Well , im not sorry or anything , but i think maybe if we can talk more often , i'll not feel as if ur purposely doing things that might get into my way of working . Well , i guess its all called attitude . Anyway , fun came in a form of satisfactory to feed my mood ...

I didnt eat for the BBQ . I was sleeping , because im worn out after the music game . Every camp , there'll be a tradition of this game called the music game . Mike will come up with a piece of blank paper filled with numbers , which indicates notes . The time value of each note is up to the teams to come up with ... thus composing something out of all the weird numbers . Of course nothing will come out nice ... but i remembered that every year i'll get second . During the first year , guess i shocked everyone with my composition . Im a new member back then , and nobody knew that i compose as a hobby . So i used double flats and sharps throughout the piece , thus creating something pleasant to the ears . Well , thats breaking the rules ... therefore i didnt get to win , but nobody could deny and reject such a piece of work ... so , im awarded with the creativity award . Its kinda lame , but to think of it , every camp , im always awake and cracking my brain to come up with compositions for the music game . This year , my mood limited how much i could think , therefore i really couldnt do much ... I dun understand why , i think music is music in any sense for me , whateva i do , no matter how ugly it might sound at first , will actually turn out well for me . Again this year , we only have 2 teams , one under XuYang . It'll be very unfair if we were to give out a first prize and second prize ... because there are only 2 teams . So , obviously , i won the first this year . I do feel kinda bad , im not boasting here . I opened up the prize and shared it with the whole CO . Well , i feel happy after that ... no matter how , sometimes , a game is just a game , and it wouldnt harm to give in a little . So , is life a game too ? It is ...

I didnt get to sleep much , im always up late in the night , while everyone is sleeping soundly like a log , im busy creating music alone under the lights . Ive fed enough mosquitoes ... and damn them . Well , overall , i think im kinda happy this year . Dun mention anything about last year , i'll feel stupid .

I wonder , now i came home earlier , because it'll actually end tomorrow . But officially , after the BBQ its all about staying over and having fun , then go home the next morning . Im going to be kinda busy tomorrow as well , so i think i might as well just go home and take a good sleep . I wonder , did anybody miss me when im gone . Im sure the cute VS boys do ... but thats not my point . Sometimes im just infront , and chemistry just couldnt take place . Well , i think its really dead , the formulae is all wrong . Its what i'll call a chemistry process ... where things are irreversible like the momentum to revolution . Sometimes , everybody wish to undo somethings in their life , but to think of it , its these mistakes which made us grow . Like again , i wish them the best , yes , and i think to care is actually to love ... ? No wait ... im confused ... nevermind . What im trying to say is ... seeking happiness for urself is still the ultimate most important thing in one's life . So , i guess if thats happiness to some other people , then we should set them free and let them go grasp them ...

Thanks to WeiLiang , Ebby , Lisa , Stanley and Gary for making this camp how successful it is . And thanks to Gary for conducting my piece ... and WeiLiang , MiYan and Joyce for the solos . Though i know going through the piece together is tough , but i hope u guys enjoyed it as much as i do . Well , i dun wish to be known as the composer , because its not my thing . Dun rely on me to compose , we should somehow just ... i dunno ... do it together ? I guess not , it'll be a big mess anyway . And of course , im sorry to ChaiXia for making this all a bad experience for her . Well , i think sometimes when i need somebody to be there for me , no one is ... its the same kinda feeling . Now , when somebody needs me , im not there ... i kinda feel useless as a friend . Instead , im so naive to try to savage for something else which i know will be fruitless . This kinda trees bore no good fruits ... and again , it shall just be ignored along the side of the hill ...

Though i know sometimes i just deserve a good beating . But thanks to those who tolerated with me ... Like Stanley , because i dun sleep early and i wake up late . But this year , im surprised that i dun wake up late , in fact , im early , because i cant get myself to sleep well . I remembered that every year , i'll just sleep till lunch time , and its against the rules . The CO peeps will get all the Gongs and Cymbals ... and they'll take away my blanket and start crashing till i wake . Well , im a log ... so i wont ... Its really funny . I sleep on the same spot , same bed , every camp ... because i prefer that bed , its convenient .

For all the new comers , now at least u know the legend behind why everybody is elated to be in my team ... Well , i prefer to emphasize more on cohesion .

Im satisfied .