Saturday, January 15, 2005

Am I The Protagonist Of My Life ?

Arduous practices . The standard of the Pipa group isnt that good . Had a private practice with the Pipa group in the morning . I felt kinda outworn . Think theres not much time left to practice anyway ...

WeiLing came back from China , practiced together . Guess its kinda hard to side read those songs in one day , isnt it ? Many months ago , there was only me in the Pipa group , the others didnt attend practices . I managed to smoke through those songs ... Kinda stressing ...

Somethings are not meant to be said by words . I think they are meant to be delivered through actions . They speak louder than words . Somethings should not be explained . Should leave it to fate to how the others might think or react ... ? Must i listen to blethers and grievances of others ? I just hope somebody would be there to listen to mine . Hapless ... ?

Sometimes , its not the predicament that ur in that counts . Its the question why or how did it end up this way . Isit because of reasons like rejection ? Ive no choice . Ive made a wrong turn . Sometimes , the road ahead is a one way direction , there is no other way , but to go through it . Ive walked the wrong path ever since the beginning , its too late now , but to just keep walking on blindly . Though sometimes , the road is meant for two , I've been walking alone for ages . Intrepid ... ? Think im just too lonely . I may be fastidious at times . I understand .

Cajole ... ? Im not honest ... ? Malicious ... ? Im hostile and evil ... ? I may wonder if its really me , or am i putting up a front . Im a dunderhead ... Im callous ... ?

I cannot take my own drivels . I sometimes may tell myself to shut up . Maybe i talked too much of everything . That may be the reason why im in this kinda predicament . Might be my candour ... ?

I should exult , for bringing myself to this kinda state . its interesting . Elated ... ? Ecstatic ... ?

Think im just baleful for myself .

I wonder if somethings people say are true . They act as if they dun mean what they said . Totally a fake . Hypocrite ... ? Im not that kinda witty boy , but i can sense that its an act to entertain me ... ? Immutable ... ? Precarious people , place and surrounding . Am i really that abhorrent ? Why cant they tell me in the face ? I cant really trust anyone , can i ? A wry ... the joke is on me .

Though how immaculate some people may look , the ugliness inside will one day surface .

Somnolent ...