Hang Over Of My Mistakes

Today after practice , im supposed to go to Jasmine's place to finish up on the Lord of the Rings part 2 . Well , it was CuiLing's birthday as well . I'll reckon that a birthday is more important ... Its a once in a year thing for everybody ... since im invited , i should attend the party ... shouldnt i ? Though it was somehow last minute , i still think that its still the right thing to do ...

Im feeling queer . It shadowed over since the beginning of that moment . My feelings are contradicting to what i thought it would be . I really dunno the person inside me ... Why bother that things are left in this state ? Isit meant to be ? Worse than fate ? I need something to bring away this loneliness ... Its killing me , boring me to death . Im feeling that hunger ... that thirst ... When will all these end ? Like fairy tales ? Ten or a thousand years ? Now i might just describe the thug on my heart as a pulling force ... I want , i need , something stronger or something to be there to watch over me , to stand by my side till the end of time ... My friends are friends of my enemies . My connections with my enemies are close ... so close ... too dangerous ... I must watch my tongue . Some people might just hate me ... Im trying hard to settle quarrels ... Its just never ending . Like waves that rises after every fall .

People at the party are strangers to my eyes . But im kinda surprised how welcoming they can be . Totally of not what Ive expected ... People were smoking and drinking though . I ate little ... Jonathan was there , stupid Kenny didnt tell me .

CuiLing's boyfriend is such a nice guy . Totally sweet . They looked kinda adorable together . They were busy serving their guests and entertaining friends and stuff ... I was just lazing around talking and listening ...

Wonder if im lucky or what . We played the " secret number " game ... out of ten games , i lost at least 8 . I was damn lucky , like a star of the game . Though ive won the ' bluff ' game , its my specialty , i still cant imagine how i keep getting the right numbers . The forfeit was simple , just drink alcohol . Not mere alcohol ... some kinda stupid alcohol with milk ... ? Then there was volka as well ... kinda strong stuff for me . I dun usually drink ... so i got kinda drunk easily after a few games . My face was burning hot , glowing red . In the end , everybody got kinda scared that i drank a little too much ... they were willing to share the load . People were asking , " Are u ok ? Can u manage ... ? " They were all looking frightened at the way im losing the game and taking in so much alcohol . I wasnt drunk , thats what i told them , nobody believed me ... My head started to feel the hit . They didnt allowed me to play in the end ... i became the game master .

I was too tired and drunk ... they left me at the place . They went home . I slept over at the chalet . The hung over got me hard . I vomitted quite alot ... Poor Victor had to clean the toilet up . Not just me , many were drunk too ... to some kinda extreme ... I choked the sink . Some vomitted in the toilet bowl , smart . I cant get to sleep ... though how sleepy i was . My head hurts , i felt like puking ...

Swear i wont drink that much anymore .

The girl who slept beside me drank a little more than i did , she vomitted , she talked nonsense , and she cant sleep . While i was sleeping , i unbuttoned my first few buttons , it was kinda stuffy inside . The girl beside me hugged me to sleep , she got her laps over mine's . Another girl was crying like crazy ... she threw bottles and sweared worst than my school mates . It was kinda funny how those people there were ... cant imagine more ...

Now im home , safe and sound . I took a bus at 6:15 am ... Kinda tired .... but theres just no time for sleep . ive to be prepared by 9 just to be sure that i'll reach Geylang at 10 ... Performance is coming up ... stressing ...