It'll Never Show The You I've Come to Know

I felt so abashed of what im doing . Though how much it has abated , i can still feel its hunger inside . The fury is still burning ... I do abhor people who constantly try to put others in a bad light . But what am i doing ? Arent i just one of those people i hate . I feel like a stranger . Do i really know myself , sometimes i might question . Guess i dun ... Absolve me from everything ...

Sometimes , my jokes may seem reality to some . I'd rather hurt others honestly than to mislead them with a lie . Might make them wonder what i am , whats the real thing inside . I might think deep , plotting plans and making moves inside my brain . But on the outside , it might not show at all . I may be deemed as dangerous . Falsifying the truth , distorting the facts . Adept at that ... ? I might fabricate things just to hide from some other , but i just have to . Think i just have to have the gumption to face the day to day problems and not look for escapism . Vindictive ... ? I dunno , i tell myself not to be , but i might be shaped due to the things i feel . I felt piqued . I felt leftout . I felt hurt . I felt insulted . I felt jealousy . I felt pain . All these are adversaries to my life ? Or have i befriend them ?

Retribution , im feeling its clutches again . Its horrible . I detest it . Some people might think differently , coz its the way i treat them . I use canny means of methods to get things done ... ? i inflict psychological fear ... ? I attack with my brain ... ? I always think that people out there are doing that . Never to expect that im the actual one doing all these . How i wish i can run away from all these with celerity of a leopard . Nothing to cease me , no restrictions .

Do i feel valiant of what i've done ? Do i feel a great sense of achievement ? No , i feel embarrassment .

My love for life is running dry . Just pour on me , that someone . If the world should stop revolving and spinning slowly down to die , i wanna spend the end with somone till the world is through . Then one by one , the stars would all go out . Then we could just simply fly away ...

I do take things for granted ... ? Im missing things i lost more than i used to . And now , where am i gonna find comfort ? God knows . Things just leave me when i need them most .

So mant nights , I'd just sit by my window , waiting for someone to sing me that song . So many dreams i kept down inside me , nightmares ? Or reality ?

I stayed at home for the whole day . Ive managed to finish up on the last bits of ' If ' . I thought once or twice whether to write more . But im just too lazy ... ? I didnt write anymore . I rotted away . Though how little things may happen today . Deep inside , its on a factor of five . My thoughts , a scourge ?

Gonna catch Cruel Intensions 2 later at 10 on AXN . Though its a show with lots of sex and stuff . I find it touching ... ?

Verbosity ? I just wanna express in words . I hate repeating myself . Im too lazy to talk as well . Im not laconic . I like to be long-winded . Call this a lexicon ...