Blue Eyes Blue

I dun really feel like mentioning what happened today . Actually its not the entire whole day , but actually just that few seconds when i heard what i dreaded to hear . I think that its my fault , but its carried things far too serious ...

I think some people are just ... undescribable . They can gossip about almost anyone , even their close friends , and even badmouthing them behind their backs . Well , i hear those kinda things often , but i think when someone says too much of this kinda bad things , i think they are the really problematic ones . I hate this kinda people , im sure im already badmouthed behind my back . There is sure a chance for me to be 'concluded' .

Im really sad and really depressed after hearing that . I know its my fault ... but ... i dunno , maybe because im too sensitive . Im a bad team player , and im a bad soloist , so what am i good in ? I dunno ... I got hurt and i dunno whether heaven felt my pain . I almost just burst out in tears , but ... i held on tight and wouldnt let any roll . So , i just left and went home alone . On my way out of NAFA , i saw Charmaine infront of me , a distance away . When i reached the bus-stop , i saw Charmaine walking slowly towards it . She took the longer route ... but she enjoyed it . I smelled of 'SunShine' and i feared that people in the bus would stare at me . I didnt care much , but i still feel very uncomfortable .

Its been a really long time since i last cried myself to sleep ... because my cousin is staying over here for now . So it has already been 1 whole year , and of course many other things that i do , i cannot do it when they are around . Things i do including ... listening to music damn loudly , practicing my Pipa and playing games . Why play games ... because they will always stare and look , then when i lose or die ... i feel so embarrassed .

Things are done now , i just sent the mail to Samuel . I hope that history will not repeat itself . And i really hope that after tonight , nobody shall mention anything about this to me again . Dun even ask ... dun apologise or anything as well . Im fine ...