Blue And Cold

A draught has been shadowing over my life. The fountain is parched and scorched. As for me, i travel a long way to seek for the answer why. Though i may know why the wind dies or why does my heart beat. But, i do not know... why does the heavens cry?

The first drop of rain, that fell from the heavens hit me softly on my cheek. I wiped it off with my hands, and felt its sorrow and its story. It spoke no secrets nor whispered no tales. I closed my eyes to listen closely to what it has to tell me.

Things that i know, and things that i once knew, was all carried inside that tear before my eyes. All the sorrow, and all the pain, that scarred my heart can tolerate no more. Thus it fell, sunk and succumb to all challenges. Im defeated.

I owe no apology to anybody but myself. I realised that its been a tough time to strive so hard to entertain people around. Maybe thats the purpose that i should fulfill, but i disagree with myself sometimes. Ive realised that its time to give up and to just live normally with myself. I wanna make peace with myself, not with anyone that dun seem to understand me. I know that im as stubborn as a mule, and not willing to listen to anybody's advice. But, im always there to try to open my ears to listen... and ive never been given a chance to speak. Nobody listens to me, and so what else do i deserve but to shut myself up and to contemplate on my own behaviours? I know what is right, and i know what i wrong. But it doesnt always seem right, when u know that ur doing wrong.

Im doing anyone a favour, to just block myself off from their sight. Because, i realised that im such a pain... and such a clot in this tunnel of friendship. I know that many finds me terribly irritating. Therefore, im going to stop. Its hard for u guys to reject me as a friend, i understand. So, im doing anybody a favour to sever this fruitless tie. I dun want people to treat me like some dump. Im always taken for granted. Tonight, its the last straw. I swear, im going to erase some people off my memory just like somebody. I can do it, trust me. So, if u still wanna be a friend, theres nothing i can do but to advice u that im not worthy to make friends with anybody. Why? Because, im not even friends with myself.

Where does my heart beat now? With something else, or with myself? I dun even know the answers that i should. How am i going to face myself in the mirror everyday? Im so ashamed of u, WeiKang.

Character clashes are common weakness within friends. So, either u learn to live with it, or u stay away and dun bother about it at all. For those who are friends for a long time, its wise not to put up cold wars between each other...

Well, great. I simply dun preach what i say... because everything is such a contradiction!

Last night, i had a great time. But well, it didnt last long as ive expected. The joy turned into hatred now. I feel most at ease now that ive managed to get back what others owe me before i cannot remember who.

Im in no mood to talk about anything now. But for those who might be curious... nothing happened today, other than choir and ensemble practice. Soon, every practice will turn colder... and colder.