Let It Flow

Im neither vindictive nor retaliatory in nature. However, im unfliching to a certain extent. But, im weak. Weak in the heart, and soft in the mind. I get easily hurt and easily bruised by words and comments that arent meant to be very honest or true. My mind works in a wonderful way, similar to the system of osmosis, things that i choose myself to believe are things that are a taboo to others. A fish can survive out of water, but not very long. And to tell u, i feel like a fish out of water all the time, literally, it hurts.

Im now blogging from the school's computer, and hopefully none of this will go missing after i publish the damn post.

I didnt quite find time to blog last night. I went supper with Samuel at my auntie's NasiLemak stall. I wont wanna tell u about it here, because u might think im boasting. But well, its been quite a while since i last went over to have my supper. Usually i'll go down to the second auntie's stall at Chinatown. Mom came over to fetch me after eating, as for Samuel, he walked home. Before that, we were deciding where to eat with Andy and Jonathan. Eventually, they went to eat at Tampines or something, and for us, just like ive said. Food was great, but of course i felt quite guilty. My auntie wouldnt allow me to queue and pay, so... she treated us. Samuel treated me to the drinks and another dish of... something.

I think sometimes, i feel so down and depressed that i just wanna cry my heart out. I wanna lean on somebody's shoulder and just stay there forever. I know, this sounds relatively wierd. JohnOndrasik wrote this song, titled as 'Superman'. That song speaks about almost everything that a guy may feel at times. Even Superman needs to cry at times, and... its not easy being him. Me too. I wouldnt say that ive been through alot, because everybody loves to tell others that they've been through a massive collection of experiences. Lets be honest here, ive been through so much that its not my size for the burden. In other words, it may also mean that im too weak for the things that im going through. I may seem cheerful and forever so happy, but if somebody is willing to open that door and allow my heart to pour, u'll know how much ive stored inside.

QingLun is always almost there. But still, not there yet.

Last night, after practicing, i left my diamond ring on the music stand. I couldnt sleep, i was thinking about the ring, whether the security guard will steal away my ring, or would somebody else with a corrupted conscience take away my ring as for his or her own. Well, in the morning, i called Vincent, and thanks to him, he took care of it for me, because i know that some of my classmates have Piano studies or something in the morning. Well, lucky me, and thanks to them all. Same goes to ShiXuan!

Choir was fun with DrGoh. Firstly, there wasnt any losing of tempers. Next, everything went on smoothly. However, theres one thing that ive to say. I think that we're going through the harder pieces too quickly. We should slow down and get everything right before we speed up. If we keep going on singing the piece with the original speed, nobody will ever catch up, and in the end, its going to be worse than the mass we sang a few months ago.

I was sitting on the floor in QingLun's room, dropping tears. My bag snapped, and its the only bag that Dad left me. He didnt leave me anything before he left, but this bag and his ring. Its things that are personal and priceless, because its sincerity has no value. However, this things dun quite mean a thing at all. They are not very useful, and people scold me for being silly to accept such things instead of the inheritance. The substance and assets are important, because it'll aid me financially as i further my studies, but... since he trusted Jane to take care of that matter for me and Amanda, he shouldnt be blamed. Regardless of that, he still is at fault because he didnt follow up upon his death as a duty of a father to provide for us. Jane is now still on the loose. Amanda is under a home, with many of those juvenile criminals. U know, those kinda homes. It affected her studies, im sure. As for me, im still generally well, and still seeking the lawyer to help me to fight for this case. The sad thing is that, the case is too complicated, and there was only 2 of such cases in the past, in Singapore. Mine is the third, and i hope that once its successful, it'll become a case study for lawyers next time.

My eyes are stinging, i dunno why. Its as if that it is parched and so dry that wheneva i blink, there's this irritation to it. I dunno what i should be feeling, but tonight, i'll go home and really lie back and let my tears flow. Its been quite a... long while.

U know where the water flows? To whereva it desires.