Injustice

Im neither here nor there. And my heart is either dead or its numb. I dunno where i should be leaning myself to, and i dunno whether im leaning on a safe pillar. But well, theres only one way to test it all, and its the test of time. Other than that, theres also the test of faith and fate.

After the match with Richard and gang, i think ive decided not to play so often anymore. Firstly, im starting to suck at games. Its been quite awhile since i last played a really exciting match. Last time, when im forced to play with the ACS bastards, i get this really agitated feeling when i play against people. I think its really unhealthy. Today Tommy approached me about some of his problems, and i taught him some of my own principles which... honestly, i do not practice at all. But well, the rules are there, though i know, i may not follow. I know, im a bad boy. But well... some are worse.

Its late now, and i thought of sleeping... but the picture of this brute keeps surfacing in my mind. I cannot sleep till i find the answer to my question. How am i able to find rest and peace? My mind is like a rocking boat. Knowing that i cannot swim, but i have no choice but to hold still, hoping that the storm would not capsize my little boat. Im weak... just like Fairul.

Help!

On Monday, i was very depressed... and i taught of telling somebody my tale, but i didnt find a pair of listening ears. Even though there was any, i wouldnt bear to make a slight sound. I just wanna keep it within... however, the other part of me wants to break free and be vocal about my problems. Eventually, im still stuck here. I recommended Tommy to get a blog, so he can talk about his problems in his blog. It doesnt matter whether anybody read it or not, but blogging out really kinda make me feel like im telling somebody something. Maybe thats why blogging is causing this gap between kids and their parents. Im not sure, but i think its working out well.

This afternoon, after my lecture, i went to see the lawyer alone. I took the bus, and i almost left the documents on the bus! It was freaking scary! I was so nervous, luckily the bus didnt get to leave the stop, because theres traffic. Thanks to the trafficlights! I love u. So, i went onto the bus and got the documents and alighted. It was a terrible experience. Those documents are my life! If they're gone, thats it... i can jump down and drown myself. I know some may wish that to happen, but... too bad it did not! It took me an hour to get there, and it took me only 1 minute to get out. I was just there to pass him some documents, because i'll be seeing him this Friday at the court. Well, theres nothing to talk about, till then... then.

I was alone, and really... lonely. I wanted to call somebody to follow me, but i thought maybe i should spend sometime with myself. So, i went to this CD shop at this wierd place. I saw it there a long time ago, but didnt have the time to visit it. I should have known the place earlier! It has everything i ever wanted! All the old CDs and the new ones too... and all the wierd ones. Its such a heavenly place! The people there is nice... or maybe just alright. And the CDs are ready for anybody to try! I love that place, trust me... im going back there again when im free. Not just me, im going to bring people there! Those people who are willing to spend.

People owe me money, but its such a hard to think to ask them back. Sigh...

Anyway, i was helping Richard and Jonathan with their history presentation just now. We left the place without turning off the lights. Sorry to the damn security guard, we lied! Shit u! I hate u! U are the worse security guard ever. Im so sorry, but i really feel like cursing that guy, and i just did. He is lousy and he has this fucked up face. He scolded us a few weeks ago, and he is totally... arrogant and proud of his job. Im not looking down on him, but he really piss people off. Please! Get lost and get another job somewhere else... Anyway, Jonathan is such a lazy pig! He didnt even bother to think. I had to come up with his lines, and he would try to copy them down. But... he couldnt, because he cannot remember them! Thats like... the worst thing. Jonathan...

Richard is fine, and he is diligent. He would at least try his best! There are somethings which i was able to help him with, which is his English. He just needed some idea, and he would develop from there. Jonathan? No. He sat there sobbing away... till QingLun has to come and scold me for no reason. I hate u all! I hate u all! So unfair! I hate u all!

Goodnight... except the highness and Jonathan.