Falling Down, Falling Down

Just hung up the phone with Jonathan. He is currently depressed... and he has alot to think. Well, sometimes... we have many things to think about, but to think about them again... some arent that important at all. We're just worrying ourselves too much. I will advise that u stop thinking of whateva ur thinking, and just do things that u should. Somethings are impossible, therefore... we shouldnt bother ourselves about them at all. As for me, though im sure that things are highly impossible, i just cling on this little powder of hope. I wish that things might be different, but... after pondering, its obvious that it'll never change.

Someone sent me this song, by AmandaMarshall, one of my favourite singer. She has a powerful voice, and i bought her CD recently. Its a song about love, and blindly about love. I think its so touching and meaningful that i just wanna stop myself from listening to it. Why? Because, things like that are always not happening, especially to low life people like me. Its impossible for love to be quite a fairytale. I think love, is an over-rated crap. U know, in movies, they're always so filled up with love songs on the background... thats why its so freaking touching. If not, i think it'll be plainly stupid. Love is stupid, love is blind. And what authority do i have here to criticise? Ive nothing to say, because... im not an experienced lover.

I feel so shitty. I wanna just go flush myself away...

Im now uploading the song unto my blog. If ur reading this, u should be listening to it right now. If ur curious about the lyrics... its the usual things that can be found in my very old and dusty entries. I havent found a song that can mention so many things that i wanna say before. This song, is seriously... one of the best that ive ever heard.

I wanna laugh, until i cry. I wanna wake up with u each day, till the day that i die. Lets go to NewOrleans, and watch the parade. Take funny pictures, eat jamabalaya and drink lemonade. And when the day is finally over, we stumble home. Before we sleep, baby... marry me. I wanna drive, untill we get lost. Lie in a field staring up at the sky, while u point out the SouthernCross. Somehow i know, without asking why, that u love me more in a minute than anyone could in a lifetime. Dancing in the parking lot, while the band plays inside. Sweep me off my feet... baby, marry me. We dun need no preacher man reading from the good book. And i dun want no fancy dress. Aint no ceremony for the vows that i took, from the moment i met u, i have been blessed. So lets make a toast, and drink up the wine. Heres to u lying next to me until the end of time. Whereva u are, i wanna be and anything that means anything to u, means everything to me. Sneaking out of the backdoor, while they're throwing the rice... and they'll talk for weeks, but we're all we need. So baby, if ur free... marry me. Baby, marry me. Marry me.

Dun u think that the lyric is so touching? I know, it might sound wrong, i wonder if its for a girl or guy. But sure enough, its quite for a girl... because it says that she doesnt wanna have any fancy dress and stuff. Pity...

I woke up late today morning. Well, didnt go to CSCO again. I feel kinda bad... but well, im having my competition break anyway. After the competition, it'll depend on whether i have the face or not to go back to CSCO. Im sure it'll be nice to return... after a long break. Anyway, the camp is coming... and its been quite a long time since ive gone back there.

Went to school in the evening, to practice. Jonathan promised to go dinner with me, because i have not a single cent at all! Well, he didnt! He liar! Bad liar, u! I hate u! And one more thing, Jonathan is scared that im angry of anything. Well, he said those things that ive done to him during the past is scary. I can imagine how it can score u. It traumatises u badly, but i hope that the wound will heal eventually. As i promised, with my words, have faith that u can forget all about it. Im quite sure that it'll never happen again. As for the other part, its not ur fault or anything, dun feel bad. Anyway, i should end off by scolding u. U stupid fool.

Im sorry.

Well, i practiced in school, and after that... went to drink soya with Andy and Jonathan. Remember the auntie who always talk to us? Well, shes at the other stall now! She moved over to the rival store, because i think they quarreled. Great, even soya workers can be like that... least to say for the music circle. Anyway, she was talking and talking... i didnt know how to stop her. She is being friendly and nice, but sometimes... we must have some time to ourselves. Andy and i were basically entertaining her, while Jonathan resting against the wall... and keeping himself safe. Well, had a great time... right? Please say yes.

Andy was so asking me this stupid sensitive question. Anyway, i dunno how to answer...

So today, nothing much... just talking over the phone with Jonathan, being one of the more meaningful things for the day. Well, we talked about many things. As for the rest, im not sure. I practiced abit... and i find that Raymond's Pipa doesnt actually sound quite well. Everybody said that its quite damp. Im not sure... but i dun think i can use it for competition if its in this state. Right?

Had supper with DongXiao, ShuMin and Jonathan. Im so broke, i tell u, that i have to borrow money around from everybody! I borrowed $5 from KaiXiang, and again from DongXiao today. I ate at the prata stall, and Jonathan borrowed from ShuMin. Horrible boy! No money still keep borrowing, its no wonder that u owe people so much and its almost impossible to return it to them! Stupid boy, go buy bus concession, and save urself a few dollars. Foolish nincompoop. U imbecile, u should ask for money from ur parents. Firstly, his grandfather gives him $4 a day. How pathetic? Its only enough for him to travel... its not even enough for him to drink soya! Poor thing actually, but... still... stupid. Its not that i wanna say, but please... go get urself some financial help.

Jonathan, im scolding u for fun only, dun take it to heart.

So nice of DongXiao to lend me money. Im so touched... She was asking me and begging me to arrange a piece for her. Well, the accompaniment is so... electronic. I really dunno how to write... and moreover, its so modern and jazzy. I really dunno! U should go ask EricWatson, or people like ChenWei. Please, im no composer. Im just somebody who wish to learn how to compose, or just composing little fun pieces for the sake of entertainment! Im no composer, im nobody... but to think of it, am i even a Pipa player? I suck.

I heard that MajorTay aint quite happy with the Pipas last Friday. They went over for the rehearsal of the performance with MDC. Well, Anthea, ShuMin and Michelle will be playing Pipa, including me. I'll join them later. But anyway, MajorTay told them to improve on their tremolo. Its kinda true that its a common problem in Pipa players. When they tremolo, they'll eat up the time, and eventually... they'll play slower and slower. And some pulling notes too. Well, i'll be going there soon... hope that it'll turn out nice. I mean, the rehearsal.

Im tired. I really dun wanna say anything about anything. But, if i dun, i'll feel so preoccupied with my own thoughts that i cannot even allow myself to listen to whats going on around me. Thanks to Jonathan for listening, i havent found anybody who is so willing to listen before. But, it might be fake... so, it doesnt matter. Who will ever be that nice anyway to really sincerely ask and listen to others? I dunno. Most of the time, i am. But sometimes, i really dun. Why? Because im troubled enough with my own problems...

Im not on bridge over troubled waters. Ive already fallen into the water... swimming away, getting closer to the bank... but yet, the water ever so choppy. The rapids, the rocks and the current. Blockade to land, obstacle to the bank. I wanna get out of all this...