Honest

Where is the post? Yes, where isit? It is here!

I was looking around at Jonathan's blog, and then... i stumbled across this little blog. This thing blunder upon me before... where i look at my own blog, without realising that its mine. Thats wierd... because the picture and stuff were not loading. Well, anyway, cut the crap. I realised that i didnt blog last night! Amazing...

After padding out at around 2 in the morning, i cannot remember anything else other than talking to Jonathan on the phone till then. I should always keep the habit of blogging before sleep, but last night... honestly, im really too tired to do anything else, not even game.

I woke up in the morning, remembering what that horrible doctor did to me, i took my clothes and headed to the shower. Nobody turned on the heater, therefore its freezing cold. U know, bathing in cold water in the morning is good for health, but its a shocking experience. Thats why, when people are sleeping, and u pour cold water on them, they'll jump awake. Thats the feeling... I dunno why, but i think its because that our body works like a car... we need to warm up before doing anything right. I think, the best thing to do in the morning will be to shower urself in warm water. I hotter the better! It relaxes the muscle... but to think of it, im all fats.

Took a bus to school. DrGoh gave a presentation about some issues on being a composer. I think its very useful and interesting how the world works, especially for composers. So, he taught us rights and things about law. We should enforce law! Especially things like copyrights... Thats also why i always buy original CDs, unless i dun think they're worth the money... like Beyonce. Well, so... i hate to actually burn CDs, or allow others to rip my music from my collection like that. I know, its just some friendly thing between friends... but, still... its wrong! Im not trying to be morally right, or holy. But still, u'll get this feeling... when u understand, u'll know.

KarenWong taught us many new chords. Some were mysterious, and they hide in the woods... deep in the whispers of the trees. Some useless ones will appear to u like crap, u'll see and hear them everywhere. As for the wierd chords, i cannot really remember all of them. I find them foreign and too sudden for me to accept them into my memory. I can remember only a certain number of chords... and i know how to apply only a few to my homework. I didnt do any homework that day, and for the past 2 weeks. Therefore, i owe her 2 pieces of homework. During class, while she was doing the demonstration, i took the time to finish up the homework. The first piece was completed with the help of Christoven's chords... and certain notes. As for the second piece, i did it outside of class, with SiHan standing around helping me think of the notes. The chords were given last week by Karen, and im so grateful. But, isit helping at all? I think so...

I had a long break before history lecture. So, i took the time to go over to KunRui's place to collect the Pipa. I paid him already, so i dun have to carry so much money around. Before that, i had lunch with SiHan at the heavenly place. Its not that heavenly afterall... and i think it made him disappointed. But still, the food is nice! I think im going there to eat again soon, maybe now... So, Richard and Jonathan came with me to collect the Pipa. We took a cab over, because i didnt have much time to waste on the bus, though i would love to.

KunRui thanked me for the lunch, it was my treat. Then, he showed me the Pipa, with the strings everything fixed already. I personally think that it sounds just like before, but somehow... because of guilt, it gives me a feeling that it has changed! I was scared and frightened. I must be able to tell this to him soon... probably after the competition. Ive got no choice, and seriously... im so sorry. To think of it again, im feeling this series of regrets pouring over me...

I took the Pipa and left after playing awhile with KunRui. Jonathan and Richard looked bored. So, we went off... and in the cab, i took Jonathan's phone away, without him realising. So, he was putting up a show, worrying that he might have lost his phone. It was... stupid.

I told Richard that i might not attend lecture, so that we can go for a movie or something. But in the end, ive no choice... DrKan saw me, and i thought... maybe i should attend class. Lecture was freaking boring! The materials, notes and slides are already boring enough. DrKan now uses this microphone... and i wish that it'll spoil next week! When she talk with that agitation, or straining voice... it will somehow attract my attention to listen. Now, with the help of the amplifying device, she dun even need to raise her voice to talk at all. At the rate she's talking, and at that new volume, i cannot take it. Im not used to it, and i think it sounds so hypnotic. No, its not good. She makes me sleep now. Not just that, now she can even cast a sleeping spell so strong that nobody will ever wake up! Im joking, not that dramatic. But seriously... its boring. However, her video clips and recordings were somehow interesting. See, theres a balance there. I enjoyed watching the Cello concerto by Elgar. I think it is cool, and it attracted most of my attention then. Sometimes, when she share things about her own life, people will always keep quiet to listen, because they are busybodys. But, it works! DrKan, u should research on the different methods of teaching... Though studying is all up to the students nowadays, teachers should also take a certain amount of responsibilty on their teaching. I think that balances things up! Right? Anyway, we were having a party again... we were munching away...

It reminded me of analysis lecture early this year. It was so horrible that many of us went down for breakfast during the lecture. I know, its bad. She must be so disappointed, but... really, we couldnt take the bore and the stress! Well, this year, things are improving because there are lesser modules... and more interesting ones to replace the boring ones. So, only a few people skipped lecture. She knows, she knows...

During the evening, i saw DrTan outside. I went to the office to get SiHan's leave form signed by DrGoh. So, DrTan saw me and talked to me about my attendance problem. Well, i know i have certain attendance problems during the last few semesters. Well, this time... helping with MDC will create another problem like that, i know. But well, i told DrTan already that i'll choose which practice to go, and not all. Its my own time that im eating into afterall... so, its my own loss or gain. Well, ive seen the schedule, and its packed! Though im aware of the time consuming practices, im wise enough to pick which are the more important ones that i can attend, and which i can skip.

Things like that are hard to say. Anyway, its up to the school how they want to punish their students. Sometimes, they have everything to cook up stories or things to blame or punish the students. I dunno... but i hope NAFA is not like that.

After that, i headed straight to ChinaTown for rehearsal. I didnt know that its Andy's virgin practice there. I thought that he should be more experienced. Well, BenLim was there too, playing the Sheng and JinBo on the Ruan. Its the first time i see JinBo from closeup. I think she is very nice. During the practice, we were like tape recorders... play and stop and play and stop. The old people were singing... but only a few can make it. There was this few uncles who cannot even catch their first note, therefore... we have to change our preceeding note to their first note, so they can enter with ease. Right! So, we did. But, still... they cannot catch it! Worse thing is... we are to compromise with them, because we are the musicians. They can just suddenly change their keys. So, there were a few that changed their keys... i wonder how the Cellos or Basses can read their scores like that. As for us, numbers are useful in such cases. There was only one song that sounded nice. The rest were like... boring.

The practice was long! They dragged the time until... 11pm! So late... Imagine, we accompanied around 8 singers or so... with each singer, we played at least twice, usually three. And sometimes... we've to listen to them talk. Some were really funny... i couldnt take it, and almost burst out of laughter! Funny shit! Really funny... But still, i respect them.

After playing for so long, i went for supper with Andy, his girlfriend and BenLim. I wanted to go over to auntie's stall... but, since they asked me along for supper... i went ahead. I ate curry mutton. It was nice, but... somehow too spicy for me! U know, i love curry, but i hate spicy food. They went home after that... Since im at ChinaTown, i went over to visit auntie's stall. I got myself a drink, and i left after saying bye to Nana.

The bus came and soon, after waking up several times, i find myself home already. Jonathan called me, and its nice of him to accompany on the phone till i got home. And from then, i laid down on bed and didnt move anymore. Im tired, stressed and totally... worn out, like rubber. Then, we were on the phone talking about nothing till 2.

I woke up this morning feeling tired and still worn out. AlbertLin came over to NAFA for my rehearsal of the concerto. Well, it went on well... I took the cab to school, with the Pipa, and i gave the driver all that i have. I didnt have enough cash, so... its tough for me to travel around without money. I prepared $70 for AlbertLin, and thats all. Now, im loaded with merely $30. Loaded right? Enough is enough... and i spent around $80 fixing the Pipa. Fuck, and not forgetting the fucking idiot, the slut shit doctor, i paid her $16! Im low on cash.

I didnt tell u something embarrassing that happened at the clinic. Only Fairul and Jonathan knows. But well... U think im going to say it? Wrong! I wont. Its so embarrassing... im shy.

Im currently in the computer lab, blogging while listening to music. Esther was here a moment ago, and she was like surprised that i blog so much... or am i writing an essay? I dunno, i dun think blogging is a problem at all... on the other hand, essays are! So, she was curious on what i can say on one day. But if u guys look at the post, its clearly just one day! Many things can happen, and there are many things that we can blog about... So, Jonathan is just plain lazy and stupid, no excuses! Im joking... Right, im scolding him again, SiHan.

I asked Amy what she was doing. She told me she's doing an essay on what she wanna teach in the future. So, what do u write? Amy then replied... its all fake. Right...

Natasha just stomped in the computer lab. She is now complaining about the cleaner auntie who is suspicious of stealing her money. She left her wallet in the toilet, then just now, she went over to take it, and she found out that her $10 is missing! She is so pissed... and she is sighing away now. The cleaner was in the toilet, and she heard her zipping her wallet. Wierd...

AlbertLin was just in time, though late. DrKan was using the room, and she ate up my time. But its alright. The Pipa wasnt on my side, it sounded horrible. I took out the CSCO Pipa, and same thing. They didnt sound in tune at all! I think its my problem. Im a bad Pipa player. During performance class, QingLun said that i played badly. He thinks that its horrible. To a certain extent, i can agree... but not totally. Why? Because, QingLun is always affected by professional recordings, to an extent which he doesnt really have his own mindset about things. Last time, he used to tell me things about Pipa, but... they were all delivered straight from things that Harry once told him. I dunno... but well, PeiQian came over too, because she is currently having her 9 months holiday and she is bored. Jonathan brought her over... I hope that the security guard wont catch her. But it should be alright... the guard is stupid, plainly idiotic.

Anyway, the performance class was bad. I played badly, and i didnt like it. I think sometimes, i play better by myself. Ive heard many of such comments before, and i think it sounded quite harsh and insulting for myself to accept. Due to my own conception of certain things and comments by others, i can clearly conclude that im not crafted for arts. Im not a music person! Im a... crab! I mean, crap. I dunno!

I hate myself. I just had composition tutorial. We were to come up with a piece just like that, with everybody's effort on each bar. Well, i was to do the third bar. DrGoh looked so stressing... so, i couldnt think fast enough or smart enough for an answer. I told him to put just one long note for a bar on the third bar. Its so stupid. But, i liked it.

He drew a dot on my hand. Im now staring at it...

Till tonight, when i'll blog a shorter entry to finish up today's full entry. I wonder where im going to go later. Actually, i thought about going home... because im bored. Jonathan has his friends, QingLun too. So, i should go out with Christoven and SiHan. But u know, SiHan and Christoven are having this wierd war recently. I dunno what to do... maybe i should be like the Indians.

Thats wrong.

I mean, like India, who tried helping to build bridges between Pakistan and SriLanka. Wait! What are the facts again? I think i got them mixed up. I dunno! I failed my social studies. Im lousy... and i dun take history in school, because im poor with facts and argumentative writings.

But look, im always doing argumentative writings on my blog. I should be better now...

Right...

Sometimes, somethings might be good for u. But, it comes like cold water, too jarring or too sudden to accept them. Sometimes, its even harmful for the brain or nerves to sudden hear or feel things like that. I think, one should try not to pour cold water in form of words to others... And i dun mean the literal idiom meaning or anything like that.

Clearly, after reading, u havent felt the higher regions of my stress level. I may seem happy, but its a facade which hides my frown. Behind, is the real face, where i cover with the mask of my fake self.

Whateava it is, whateva u wanna say, dun. See u guys. Anyway, it took me an hour exactly to do this entry.