Antique

Its one of the shortest day, yet filled with the utmost extreme ends of emotions. I woke up early just to catch the competition today, and i went down to Esplanade to show my support for Jonathan. I took out my red pen, and prepared myself to score the participants for the Ruan youth category. Well, when im there, i was late to catch JunRu's sister perform. When im inside, Jonathan was already ready, looking confident and fresh. He had his haircut, and im going to have mine tomorrow. There wasnt anybody around, except for some familiar faces. Jonathan's parents were sitting at the front row, with JunRu, Jason, ShuMin and others. Well, there were long lost faces... like Benedict's. Well, dun ask, still as ugly as before. Did i say who? I meant Jonathan... not.

I sat there watching every inch of ennui crawling on the floor. I watched 7 Ruan players, and i only spotted a few that could enter the finals, and i thought it'll be Jonathan, MinHui and KeeWei. According to my scoring system, which didnt quite work out well, MinHui got the highest. I think she played really well, as for the rest, not that bad. Finally, JiaJia came on stage, and read out the final results. Im not sure, but... its quite impossible for all 3 of them to get in, because they're all under the same teacher. Well, thats how competition works, if u wonder. And so, the first to be read was MinHui. Well, it only means that those before her didnt get in, and that includes JunRu's sister and Jonathan. I didnt know what to say, or what to do. I sat there, watching Jonathan smile at a distance. XuYang got into the finals! Great news, but still... XuYang, ur performance wasnt quite good, u better practice hard! Goodluck to u! Im happy for u, because u represent our CSCO... And the next to cheer for would be ChaiXia, goodluck all!

I took out my tissue paper to wipe off the tears on MinHui's face. She was crying, and i know she tried her best, but she was sad because Jonathan didnt get in. That touched me. Jonathan was trying hard not to cry, and i bet that if he's reading this now, he'll cry again. I think its a vulnerable time for him, and i wish him luck for the next competition. Nevermind, as MiYan said, he's still young, plenty of time and chances. As for me, its the period that i feel this amount of stress pinning on the tip of my head.

After eating, they went back for class. As for me, i didnt eat with them, i went back to school by cab. I took out my Pipa and practiced for an hour, before heading back to Esplanade to catch the Pipa youth category. SiHui was there already, and quickly rushed down to help out. I got my pass, and i met Samuel and his student, which is my junior back then in ACS, Jeremy. Alvin was with his teacher, ChenYunZhen. Then, i found SiHui, and she was with all of LiuYan's student. Well, once i got into the room, i felt warmth. LiuYan is the only teacher that is capable of teaching her students well, and with good mindsets about playing Pipa, with good mentality and healthy sense of competition. She is a great teacher, not just good. She taught me back then in ACS, and she also taught me for a period before i switched over to YanYu. She was helping SiHui with her Pipa, and i was relieved, because i wouldnt need to help out much. I sat around and listened to her students warm up, and they're all pretty good. Then, i also went over to visit Michelle and OuYangQianWen. Ive heard of her name before, because its so unique, but never gotten the chance to see her. Well, she sounds and looks like PeiQian! Goodness, i almost thought that PeiQian is playing Pipa! Anyway, there were many people around, and i was talking to them, encouraging them and trying hard to calm them down too. I was backstage, busy running about. LiuYan is so motherly, she gives peace and she carries this sense of love in her eyes. She was sitting there, laughing and talking, while all her little girl students are playing around, and she talked about competition... and how we should deal with it. Then she mentioned about Harry, and she said that he took her car down to Esplanade, but she dun even really know him. And she asked why dun he take part in the competition, and he said that he's afraid of losing. But, LiuYan's reply was that, he has already lost. Why? Because, we've to conquer ourselves on stage. Easily said, hardly easy to do. She said that its important to have a healthy mind before playing, and i totally have to agree! Well, its hard to find another teacher like her, other than YanYu. I admire them, they are the best to me. I feel like hugging them and kissing them, but i thought that maybe i might get arrested for molest or something... so, i refrained myself from doing so. Im joking...

Anyway, Michelle and QianWen played really well, and i think they deserve something, but well... the results were not on their side. I went to the recital studio and sat around with Andy, WeiMing and Alvin. This afternoon, the Dizi category was also quite stressing. Andy didnt get in, but i hope that he enjoyed himself on stage. Its important to enjoy on stage during competition, because its tough to find another place with such an atmosphere! Anyway, QingLun, Joyce and XiangLe got into the finals, plus some others that i dunno. Im elated, for that ive hoped for them to do well, and same goes to Andy.

Jeremy played really well, with a mature sense of music. He got into the finals, and i bet Samuel must be relieved. The others who got into the finals were mainly LiuYan's students. Im so nervous and trust me, ive predicted that i'll never get into the finals. So, this Sunday, its a screw up day in my history. Trust me, prepare to see my embarrass myself on stage. Anyway, Jeremy was telling me that i'll get in. But well... i dun think i can.

So, after that... i went back to school to practice. I was so worried, because Jonathan turned off his phone. Well, i called Richard, and i managed to get to Jonathan. His phone was low on battery. Anyway, in school, i also went around looking for him at times... to make sure that he's feeling alright. I shouldnt care that much, true. I should just go ahead and practice, but well... for a friend, its alright. I didnt feel that i was treat so though, and i so... i lay down on the Piano stool and stared into the lights and ask myself questions. The lights turned purple after staring into them for awhile.

Had dinner with YiKai, because Jonathan dun wanna go with me. Before that, we were in the computer lab, and Kenny typed something bad, and Jonathan saw. He thought that i typed it, and he started whacking me. WeiFeng was on the phone with him, talking to him, nagging away i bet. Those that care for him, please go cheer him up. As for me, ive done too much to make myself feel stupid. I hate it. Forget it, its never good enough. Nothing is.

Dinner was great, and after that... we talked about YouGuo's competition back then, and YiKai was telling me how he screwed it up. Anyway, i packed up my things and went to look for Richard, LianWei, YinXuan, Jonathan and LianWei's friend. They were playing, and i didnt feel like playing... so, i sat there and guided Jonathan. He must have found me irritating, so... i went to help LianWei. In the end, it got worse. Nevermind... nothing is ever good enough, again.

I just got home, and Mom was telling me things about my competition. U know, im actually quite tired of it already... i just wanna relax and have fun. So, those who really wanna make things bad, please dun. Im just here to play and relax, not have some really unhealthy competition. Mom will be coming to watch, and i dun wish her to see my failure, because... she'll start nagging and she's never an encouraging mother. Never.

Tomorrow, i'll be having lesson with YanYu, and no rehearsals with Albert, because i wanna focus on my preliminary round first. I hope i can borrow her Pipa, because Raymond's wont do me any good. Its not that its not good, but just not good enough. The Pipas that most of the girls were using today, were of a certain standard. Its good. Ive nothing to compare, because im aging and im lousy.

I hope that im like an antique... old, useless, but of value!