Clarion Not

I walk the path and chose my route to be lonely. Though the trees, the stars and the wind, im still alone by myself for that the whispers, the light and the breeze doesnt not comfort my soul. Dun tell me. Dun ever tell me that im a utopian. Deep inside, i know. I do know that im a dreamer, with a seeking heart. Even with still no glitter of hope, i hold strong to faith. I believe that one day, despite the nimbus cloud, it'll be sunny and things will come my way. It will. It will come my way.

Im stumbled by the humble speech. The session of self praising, which doubts my feeling of an existing air. The generosity is a redemption for his contemptuousness, though i feel that its more often the bluster thats carried by the wind. Trust me, people can be very wierd, however, also very useful.

I just came home from dinner with JunRu's family, friends and ZhangLie. His father fetched me home, and im so thankful, or else i'll be drenched. Its raining really heavily recently, especially since yesterday. Today, the rain, again, was unpredictable. It came like a sudden pouring, and its false ending came like a sudden stop, and soon... it'll start raining cats and dogs again. I know, its as unpredictable as my mood at times, but still... i think if ur safe with an umbrella, u'll know how to stay dry. Same rules, if u have an umbrella with u, u'll know how to handle me when im down. Totally... the same. Why? Because, the same trick always work twice for me.

Once bitten, but never twice shy. I know, its a fault with my mentality and my way of accepting things. I get cheated easily. Ive fallen under my blanket of stupidity and has gotten myself hurt. Fallen from grace, thou as easily said, aint that easy to pick myself up. It took me a year or more, but now... it'll take me a minute or less to fall back down again. Im loose and insecure. Even with my rope tied around my waist, its still too easy for me to let go and fall back down to where i started from. Its a long way from the bottom up, but yet a short way from above to reach the ground. Im vulnerable.

I was late for choir today, therefore i didnt get to mark my attendance, for that im afraid that i'll recieve some scolding from DrGoh. I realised that my attendance this year is deproving. Im going to stick myself closer to the clock after this coming holiday. This is the last week of school! Because Christmas is coming! And im so excited. Last year, we went over to YouGuo's house to celebrate. I wonder, who will it be this year... Will it be WeiFeng? Or Kenny? I dunno. Anyway, my friends are all scattered over, thus its tough to bring them together. Or even... impossible. I get to celebrate more often, although it'll mean that ive to spend more too. Im still, as happy as before.

We sung in the library. I know, we should be keeping quiet there. But well, everybody was doing their own readings and stuff when we're singing. So, we're still entertaining ourselves. I hope that we enjoyed our own performance! We went back to school shortly after the performance. ZhangLie and JunRu's father came down to bring us to MDC for rehearsal. Ive a feeling that it'll not be allowed, so i stayed with Dedric in school. ShuMin and gang left with JunRu because they were running late.

I took my Pipa and made way to the recital hall. Thanks to Andy, he bought me lunch. I was stuck during the lunch hour because of the delay at level 4. JunRu and gang were deciding whether to go or not, and still seeking permission from MrYeo, who was unreachable.

Well im blogging now, its still raining heavily outside. Its surprising that how much rain can come down from the sky at once. Its like an ocean above!

Anyway, the ensemble looked pathetic. There was only 8 people. MrYeo intended not to go through any pieces, but i insisted... because its the only one chance that i'll have the chance to play Pipa. So, Andy and gang were like giving me that face. Before practicing, we were deciding and talking empty words about going overseas. Well, its unpredictable whether we'll be going or not. But, im sure there'll be a high chance if MrYeo would suggest kindly to Adams. And of course, it'll depend on Adams to sign the papers for us to fly. I know, its impossible to have it for free, so... i think i'll prepare at least $300 just in case if i need to pay for anything.

After class, i went to drink soya with QingLun, Jonathan and Andy. Well, after that, we went to play LAN. Richard came along, and we met YinXuan there. LianWei came later, and we played many games, with totally no sense of balance at all! Thats the problem with playing games, everybody has different standards. Now, LianWei is good enough already. As for Jonathan, still quite unpredictable. YinXuan is totally, still quite new to the game, even though he has the ability to move the hero around. Not bad at all!

I went back to school to take my attendance, unlike the rest, who stayed and continued playing. I met ShuMin in school, and we headed out for dinner. I took JunRu's car, while the girls went by cab.

Thanks for the dinner, JunRu. Especially to ur father for his giving. I love the bounty about such people, and its very good to have something and be charitable enough to give it away or at least, to spend it wisely for a good cause. And of course, to be unselfish about materials around.

Im now feeling low, im soon hitting the doldrums. I need a shoulder, but i only realise that everytime when i lean against my own. Ive only myself to rely on. U know, sometimes u just wish not to be lonely, although ur already used to it.

The sun will shine tomorrow, just like everybody's idea of a perfect morning. Though its very seldom that a morning sky would be dull and grey. But, its obvious for these few days that it is... clarion, not.