Leather Pain

Its a bad day. I just took a bus home. I was waiting at the bus-stop with SiHan and YongRui, then our buses came... and it was kinda packed, so... i thought maybe i'll take the next bus. YongRui didnt board his too, and so we stayed to accompany SiHan till his bus came. How nice of us? After SiHan left, ZhengYi came... and we waited for quite some time, before YongRui's bus arrive. I was left with ZhengYi, and his bus came too! EeWei and Fairul was in the bus, we were busy waving to each other and sending flying kisses. Anyway, i was left alone... and i saw 3 bus 80s in total. I wasted so much time waiting... and when the bus came, its more packed this time round! I was so... freaking pissed.

I walked home from the bus-stop as like any other day i would. But today, its different. I took off my shoes and walked with my socks. Its wet, and now its all dirty and wet. So, i ran into my house and headed to the kitchen to remove them, including my long black pants, which was wet too... because its touching the ground. With nothing, not even my underwear because i had a performance, and u know my custom, i dun wear any underwear when im performing. Its comfortable u see. Anyway, i used my bag to cover myself and ran into my room, hoping that Chester isnt in there. Well, good thing its kinda dark... and he wasnt home. My uncle was watching the TV, and i ran past him like that...

I woke up today, feeling kinda lethargic and thought about taking the cab down to YanYu's place. But well, i thought that maybe i'll be nice for once. I carried the Pipa and left home for the MRT station. Well, i wore leather shoes, with ankle socks. Thats the worst combination ever! Please do not repeat this again, WeiKang! Its fucking painful! My feet were wearing off, and there was a red patch... my skin wore off, and it hurts like sticking a rusty iron nail into the heart, just that its not bleeding. I couldnt walk at all...

When i alighted off the train, i took a seat. While walking over, i sat at the bus-stop, resting my feet. It took my much courage and endurance to suffer all the way till i got to her doorstep. The grit didnt last long, i started complaining to YanYu about the shoes... and she also told me things about her shoes last time. Then, she insisted that i take her husbands shoes first.

We went through the piece, and it wasnt that bad. It was tiring, and it got me worried about my performance class later, because im so tired... and im so shagged already, how am i going to play well? While packing up, YanYu was telling me things about her maid. And she sent me to the door, and passed me a branded shoe, and she told me that its her husband's. Anyway, i rejected the offer... mainly because that the shoe size aint right, her husband is rather big is size, but his shoe size is so tiny! Wierd.

She passed me some plasters, and i stuffed my pants into the shoe to refrain further damage to my ankles. I walked out to the road very slowly, like clambering. Then, i flagged for some time, before one kind driver stopped for me. Every taxis were like heading for Woodlands. What for? Shift? I boarded the cab slowly, and grimaced over the pain. The driver then started asking whether its the Pipa, and am i heading for music lessons. See? Thats exactly what i was talking about yesterday. Remember? Well, he's smarter. He kept quiet after my purposeful silence.

The fare killed me. It cost me around $15 again. I swallowed the pain in my heart, and tried focusing and contemplating about the hurt that feet are going through more than the money deserves. So, i headed to the recital hall, but before that... i bought food up. I was in such a hurry, with the heavy Pipa, with lunch in my hand and the pain that im going through. I quickly ate after putting down the Pipa.

I played 'ShiMianMaiFu' today. Well, it sounded weak to me, but well... i think everybody has their opinions based on their impression of that piece. If someone can go find a recording for me that has such bursting openings, please send it to me. Ive so many recordings, and theres not one which satisfies my appetite for that sound. I crave for more, but honestly... thats most i can give, because i should conserve energy for later parts. Anyway, QingLun turned the pages for me, and i told him about sections which i'll be skipping. The whole thing sounded like shit, because i didnt warm up at all. After lesson, i took an hour break to travel down. And after eating, i had to play straight away. So, well... its hard for people to understand my excuses. Anyway, im quite comfortable with anything, because i know how to filter things i hear. In fact, i treat them as almost junk, because i know what i did and what i should do and what i must do. I know it deep inside, therefore... most comments that they gave me today were mainly rubbish and useless trash. There were sections in the beginning which sounded dirty, because i wasnt ready to play, and i was shivering abit. When i shiver, it means that im not confident of something. Anyway, i only had lesson for a week, so... i think its not bad for the progress already. So, the shouting part sounded bad, and it ate up most of my energy. I made certain parts raw, and as to allow it to fit into the image of a war, the chaos and the mess. Ive inserted all of my own understandings into the piece, and in fact... the whole piece aint about war people. Who said that its war? Its ambush, and the preparatory of war! Things that i could do, i did. Things that i couldnt, because its technical and it requires practicing, i didnt. My contrast was there, and i think i did the contrast quite well. Im proud of my own performance today, though im sure it'll be better. Anyway, ive heard YuJia played this before, and i think u should hear it, and u'll realise that u should keep some unimportant comments to urself, because u might offend others.

ShuMin played an old tune, and i think she got it misunderstood. Im not sure whether its that her teacher didnt explain it to her, or that she has the misconception. I think it sounded quite small... or in fact, to embellished in nature. Actually, its kinda raw and unprocessed, but in a way... 'embellished' as in a not so good way. Well, its thanks to LimChooLi that now i do understand somethings that YanYu has said to me many times before. She has made it clear to me how things are at times, and not what we conceive.

I headed upstairs, and tried hard to complete some more modal melodies for composition tutorial. I was telling Christoven that i wanna skip class, because i havent completed everything. And he adviced me to go for class, so... i stole a pencil and headed to a studio to get some inspiration. I lost my pencil again! And the worst thing is that... its a stolen pencil. Thats great! I lost things that i steal. Anyway, i played certain melodies and i realised that its so much easier with a computer around, especially my NoteWorthy programme. I penned down my melodies and quickly rushed out a few more ideas. Then, i realised! I realised! I realised that im doing too much! Its just 8 bars, and i did 16 bars for everything! Its no wonder that im so slow behind. Im so stupid! Come on! So, i wrote 8 bars for this wierd pentatonic melody, its Chinese, but its wierd... so i dunno how to name it.

DrGoh went through everybody's work, and when he stumbled on mine, he paused and the whole class suddenly went really quiet. I was so shocked. Anyway, then he asked about my instrumentation for the final composition, and i told him that i'll write for YangQin, LiuQin and Ruan. Its rather strange, because i heard that the composer cannot participate. So, i shant play and i shant write for Pipa, because... i dun think ShuMin and Anthea can handle the crazy things i play sometimes. Dun get the wrong idea. Its easier to write for oneself because i know my limits and what i can play. I wonder who is going to help me play... i think im going to ask ChaiXia, JiaJin and Stanley or XiangPeng. Just thinking... and hoping that if its possible, maybe YiLeng, to be more convenient for everybody. Well, they're all from CSCO, so we can rehearse more often too.

After class, i went to drink soya with SiHan and Christoven. Then, i headed back to school to practice awhile. On our way back, it was raining like rhinos and elephants. We were all drenched. I was extremely wet, and i think the raindrop must be really huge. Its like splattering against me, and im like wet from head to toe. The rain was heavy, and it fell like nails pinning against the ground.

The computer lab was kinda warmer than anywhere else, so i headed there with SiHan. We watched several videos, but it didnt sound quite funny with SiHan around. Anyway, i tried laughing... but i couldnt. Then, i took my Pipa and left for Conrad Hotel.

QingLun and gang headed to this place where i went with JunRu's family to eat, with ZhangLie too and MajorTay. It was a pity that i couldnt go, because i had to reach Conrad Hotel at half past 6. So, i followed them to the bus-stop, and QingLun kept asking me to go with them. But well, i cant. So, i took a bus down to Suntec and walked over to the hotel.

I sat there and it was so comfortable to sit in their lounge. The sofa felt so... comfy! I snuggled and got myself some rest. Soon, YongSoon arrived with XinYu. WeiMing came last, and we headed up to the salons. I play there every year, and its not very exciting to play there again. We settled down, and YongSoon helped me with my tie. Then, we started talking about things in China, and also things in MDC back then. It was so funny to listen to him talk, because he has alot of expression on his face. And the tone changes with his gesticulation.

We started playing when its 7. We played very softly, because they requested for soft music. So, as long as the instruments are making sound, its alright. We went through the pieces, and decided to repeat them as long as we can. Indeed! We played the pieces over and over again, with endless repeats. It was so freaking boring, and so... i started to improvise alot! In fact, its so different from my scores already. There was once or twice that my playful improvisation slipped off and hit the wrong chord, or key or note. Then, YongSoon will get shocked and he'll look up and laugh. Sometimes, the improvisation sounded unique and cool, and he's surprised too and he'll look up and smile. I could tell that everyone was tired, they didnt improvise much though YongSoon and i did. I admire their mental strength to tolerate playing the same old things over and over. There was this slow piece which we repeated for over 3 times, and i was so... freaking mentally worn out. Anyway, we took a break... because we played really long. So, we played only 2 sets. We'll collect our pay next time when we go for CSCO.

During performance class, MrYeo also gave me another gig to do. He asked me to play the Ruan for a performance, and i told him that i'll rather play Pipa for gigs, because im more capable of improvising on the Pipa than on the Ruan. And well, XiangPeng rejected the offer to play for the gig that Stanley and i had done for the past 2 years. Now, where am i going to find another YangQin player? Im asking YiLeng now. Ive asked HaoSong, but its kinda unsafe to just ask one.

Anyway, they were telling me that they might me to bring back the YangQin to my house, because the CC might be closed. Well, lucky me... we ended early, so... they brought back the YangQin, while i headed back to NAFA to keep my Pipa. I'll be playing at NAFA again tomorrow, because MrYeo kept bugging me to help out. So, i wont be going down to NUS for rehearsal, though i really wish to go down to listen to the Pipa concerto.

I had supper with SiHan and YongRui, with a plate of noodle and i specially bought the fish from the other stall. The fish is very nice, thanks to Christoven's recommendation. I think i'll be eating that for the rest of my life in NAFA. Anyway, we talked about many things... and after that, i headed back to school for a drink.

Then, with nothing else to do, we headed to the bus-stop and thats where my story will repeat again if im going to go on. Anyway, there was this eye candy on the bus, and i couldnt get my eyes off this candy bar. Nevermind, its too sweet for me anyway, because im diabetic!

My eyes are shutting... and im feeling it getting heavier and heavier. Thats it, im going to sleep! Goodnight people.

Maybe not, i shall play one more game before sleeping!

Overweening personal ambition is no virtue. For that overweening pride can bring condign disasters!