Responsibility As Heavy As Feathers

I just bought TanyaChua's CD, and now im browsing through all the tracks. Well, my taste doesnt change, i still hate Chinese songs. Anyway, im thinking of ripping some songs, so i can send one to Grace, and keep others in my phone.

I better make this fast, because i might leave for Malaysia soon. Well, remember about yesterday's entry? Its settled! Thanks to one person, QingLun. I was driving myself mad, so i seeked help from him. I called him and we talked for almost an hour or 2, till his Mom scolded him... and he hung up after a long chat, because he has to call his girlfriend. Trust me, talking to him is like worse than talking or singing to a cow. He made me laugh and cry at the same time! Its really difficult... and next, we're talking about CDs. Well, only he and i know what it really means. Thanks so much to QingLun, now im feeling so much better. Ur right, and thanks.

I felt so much better this morning, unlike how i used to feel during my capricious tempered days. Last time, i'll get so mad that i'll start doing things that only Saruman would do. Now, im not far from there... but somewhere closer with peace. The comforting words gave me a sense of trust, and at least... a sense of belonging. Im sure at least that ive a shadow behind me.

I wore what i wore yesterday, and well... recieved many comments that i looked like some Safari worker, zoo keeper, tour guide, Hawaiin dude, old uncle or a bus driver. I never knew that such clothings would bring me so much job opportunities. Thanks so much! Well, after aural lesson, i headed to have lunch with QingLun and gang at NAFA's very own canteen. As usual, the food tasted bad. Last time, it was so much better. Anyway, i took the cab to school today. I know, so bad.

Anyway, i felt so much more comfortable going out with them, because i know im not guilty of anything, or being sorry for anything. So, i ate with them, and it turned out to be a test for me. My mood wasnt flunctuating! I felt very at ease! In fact, glad and happy, or elated. Its like ive lost a weight in my heart. I dun have to think or trouble myself anymore. I hope things will go on like that, because im merely more self loving now. Selfish, as u might call it. Things are going my way better this way. I love it!

Its a happy day, and with a happy message from YouGuo to teach at TeckWhye. Well, ive bad experiences there, and when i was there... they looked rather happy to see me. They were relieved that its not some very fierce teacher. They complained to me about a very fierce teacher, and i guessed... it must be Kenny. But its no wonder that he'll have to scold them. Today, i scolded the Ruan girl. She has bad attitude, i almost wanted to slap her. But well, i beat her down with words. Tons of words that weigh heavier than morals can sustain. Her face turned as black as squid ink. Well, i told her to bring back her instrument to practice at home. They told me that they practiced, and i scolded them off and told them that if they've practiced, and with such results, they must be either utterly useless or really hopeless. They kept quiet. Then, as for the Ruan girl, she said that she'll never bring it back. I asked her why. She said that its too heavy, and its embarrassing to carry something like that on the bus. I asked her why would she even join the CO then. She said that its her parents' idea. So, i told her that her parents' idea is embarrassing, and they are a disgrace to her. She kept quiet. Whats next? There was an awkward silence, as everybody stared at me, while i stared into her. She was too embarrassed to face me, she looked out the window. I knew then that i must have carried it too far. But for students like that, im only doing it right to hurt them before they're pride and attitude changes for the worst. After keeping the silence, i broke it with one last advice. I told her to think about what i said.

I was so furious, i didnt wanna teach anymore. I packed up and gave some fingerings to the DaRuan players. As for the Pipa players, i think they had fun with me more. I left at 4 and took a cab back down to school.

Before that, i took the MRT from Bugis to Sembawang, hoping that it'll be cheaper to travel down from there by cab. Who knows? It cost me $11. Then, from there straight to school, its also $11! What the hell? I wasted 45 minutes travelling in the MRT to Sembawang. My goodness! Stupid me!

Anyway, i attended sightsinging, and i sat with SiHan and Christoven. LianWei didnt come for class, and after the platform performance, i asked Fhairil to sign off for me as my partner for my music technology homework. Its so funny, i explained everything to him, because i have to do so... its written in the worksheet. Sharon and gang were laughing, because they think its stupid. Well, i think so too! Anyway, DrGoh went through the same old modal melodies from the book. I sang them like at least a couple of times already! Some were so familiar that i can sing from memory, especially those in Dorian mode.

After class, we headed for dinner downstairs. Then, soya, with WeiXiang too. YongRui didnt look quite happy, and so... SiHan went to look for him, and they played LAN. WeiXiang headed somewhere else, while Christoven and i walked down Orchard. Again! Well, ive been walking down there very often, and its quite lethargic, it drains my energy. I carried his bag and his Viola, while he carried my bag for me. He was complaining about his backache. He said that theres this pain that dwells near the tail area, but not the tail... slightly lower. I told him that it might be the butt, maybe he needs to shit. So funny.

Anyway, we stopped over at TheHeerens, and thats where we spent an hour or so in HMV. I bought TanyaChua's album, and some other VCDs. We saw so many CDs, and i wanted to buy some, but i reserved them for the CD shop in Shaw... or other shops. HMV has really high rates, and sometimes really low ones for the clearance.

I was so thirsty, we headed to BK to get a drink. After that, we headed home. In the bus, Mom called and asked me to go Malaysia. Now im at home, ripping music as well as waiting for her call.

Trumpets sounded, wine ran from fountains, bishops delivered homilies, magistrates presented the keys to their cities, triumphal arches sprang up along the way. For? For the celebration of my new day! Im really happy and in a good mood today. I really cant believe how i can bring myself to such a mood, and i must say that its all thanks to QingLun. Fucking thanks!

Well, he spent a very long time to talk me into his ideas. I think it must be very hard for him to console an angry bull, and to hold it by the horns. I was like a mule, struggling to slap my reasonings into his face. Im not sure whether he understands it still. But well, he wanted to do things that slowly... i rejected. I think maybe i should just keep my own stand, and never be used again by such pathetic creature, i meant Jonathan. I didnt say who! I didnt! Well, no need for war. Save the future questionings and awkwardness. Its not what u guys think anyway! I heard things... and well, its not! Not, no, not, no and not! Simply just hatred now. But why must people do things with their wrath? Just let it subside. Chill, its not worth the attention. Anyway, the rain will pour eventually to...

Andy just asked me to play Pipa for his recital, and he needed a Ruan player. Actually, its supposingly me, while Nicholas plays the Pipa. Well, i recommended MinHui. Well, she's better in terms of... everything! Anyway, its a final recital, i dun wish somebody to spoil other's recital. U know, responsibility is something too heavy for kids nowadays. Dun wonder who im talking about. U know.